Envy

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Today, as I walked on the main street of my town, I saw a young girl leaving a shop. She was just walking to her bicycle, unlocked it and put her bag in the basket mounted on the handlebars. Then she got on her bike and pedaled away, nothing special. She was dressed in a short yellowish skirt with some scottish style print on it, a white blouse, slightly transparent so you could see that she was wearing a black bra underneath it, a short black jacket that was open, some dark pantyhose and shoes with about a two-inch heel in black. Also nothing really special, just normal clothing for a girl of about seventeen, which she appeared to be. It was just a girl, leaving a shop and going back home, as you see them everyday.

But today it struck me with envy, that she, as a girl, could do that dressed that way and still be nothing special. If I would do the same, dressed the same, it would have been different. Even if I would have done it some thirty years ago, when I had the right age for those clothes I could not have done the same thing, because I have always been male. And for unknown reasons today I really wished that I could be that girl, if only for a day. Be dressed like that out in the open and not be looked at as a pervert.

But sadly, being dressed like that is reserved for when I am home, alone, just me and my mirror image admiring each other, for just some short moments until everybody gets back home again...

Comments

Envy

It is sad that you have had to hide this way, and for this long. Please know that we all support you, and any who would look at you as a pervert are, ine every way, wrong.

It is our lot ...

Koan:
: a paradox to be meditated upon that is used to train Zen Buddhist monks to abandon ultimate dependence on reason and to force them into gaining sudden intuitive enlightenment.

On my inside, I am a woman with a nice bottom, a sweet smile, nice but smallish breasts, and narrow waist. My hair is mid back length and very light brown.

My outside does not match but owing to the loving care of friends who tell whoppers about my beauty. Cor, sometimes I actually start to believe their blather. Lately it is clear that the only way I can be that woman that I have inside is to write stories about her. And yet, having faced so much assault and shaming I write about women who are almost completely covered in the Islamic way.

No whining however, because I am more fortunate than most. I live the life of a woman and have for 10 years, so no pretending. My heart goes out to those who can not bring their fantasies into reality.

huggles, hon. I know how you feel

even thought I am out of the closet, I still look in envy at pretty girls and wish I had started this journey much younger when I might have ended up looking pretty myself. But my friends here are trying to teach me the art of gratitude - counting my blessings more often rather than always focusing on the stuff I dont have, and I'm trying to learn it.

Huggles!

DogSig.png

The best I can manage....

Andrea Lena's picture

...no envy, but I did manage to imagine in my head that it was the crazy cat lady Andrea digging out the Subaru from the eight inches of snow; sweat pants and hooded sweatshirt and boots de rigeur for the task. How are you?

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

I just read your story, and I

I just read your story, and I liked it. But it has been a long time since wearing my lingerie was just for sexual arousal. Sure, some of it is still there, and probably will be as long as I stay breathing, but in general I wear my lingerie and other female attire for comfort, and to relieve a big part of my daily stress. And I can assure you that I would wear it all day and out in the open if my personal situation wouldn't be compromised. Most likely I would wear things more fitting to my age, that is a compromise I am willing to make. An older person wearing a miniskirt is not something to be looked upon with approval.