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My wife and I had dinner this evening at a nice Chinese restaurant in the Heights in Little Rock. As I approached our table, I noticed a couple having dinner to one side of the booth and a woman wearing a hat and a black top at the other side. She was alone. She looked to be in her 30's. That assumption ended as we sat down. The 'woman' was carrying on a conversation on her telephone. She discussed upcoming decisions from the Supreme Court, LGBT topics and groups all around Arkansas. There were two things that spoiled the 'illusion': She talked on her phone the entire time we were there, and her voice was entirely masculine. There was nothing feminine about it at all.
My wife was facing her but was unable to clearly hear the conversation. After a while, she asked if I knew who that was; meaning that she knew she was at least a cross dresser.
I think it was unfortunate that this person carried on her conversation without regard to the other diners. I wonder how many others noticed. She looked nice, was rude, and destroyed any illusions she might have wanted to create due to her totally masculine voice. Judging from her physical appearance, I don't think she would have had problems in passing. Based on her physical appearance, I suspect she was taking hormones.
I really would have liked to talk to her; however, the timing was not right. I would have been friendly and told her that I write for this site. She could make her assumptions from that. If she ventures here, I've obviously given her enough clues that she will know who I am. I am open to communications.
Portia Bennett
Comments
The problem?
Not sure what the problem is here. Was it due to her voice? Was it because she was on the phone? Was she loud?
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
All of the Above
If she wanted to appear feminine, she destroyed that illusion with her non stop conversation. Her totally masculine voice, phrasing, and inflection immediately brought attention to the fact that she was not what she appeared. Then again, that may not have been important to her. Maybe only her physical appearance mattered. Rude? Yes, this is a nice restaurant, and an hour long, loud conversation was definitely out of place.
Maybe this is an indication of how lacking my understanding is. I am transgender, not obsessed, but wish I could have taken the necessary steps to transition. I would never be able to even remotely pass, but oh how nice it would have been. Here was a person who could pass without difficulty, but called attention to herself by being loud, rude, and taking no steps to sound feminine. Perhaps that was exactly what she wanted. I'll probably never know. It's just that if I could look as nice as she did, I would do everything possible to maintain that illusion.
Portia
I got a pasting
the other day adding a comment to an article in the Guardian saying that I was tired of 'in your face' people and articles about trans people as they now call themselves. I suggested that some of us who transitioned 30 years ago when it was considerably more difficult than it is now, at least in the UK, did so quietly not banging drums and shouting, 'look at me'. Yet the efforts of my generation have brought about the changes enjoyed by the 'noisy ones' of today. What did I do, I ran a helpline for 4 years and was a trustee of the leading transgender charity for about 8 years, so nothing much then.
Perhaps it's an age related thing, but rather than make a big noise, I'd rather challenge ideas or attitudes by my writing or by just living as a normal woman.
Angharad
Freedom
In the 60's the saying was, "Your freedom to swing your fist any way you want, stops at my nose."
Live and let live is a fairly decent approach to life. You owed her the right to live as she wanted AND she owed you a reciprocal right. You were out for a peaceful dinner and she marred your evening.
By her rudeness she made her male-ish voice into an assault upon you. It would have been only slightly different had she had a voice like Lily Tomlin's Ernestine and been CIS. Her voice still would have grated.
Long telephone conversations in any public place should be avoided. On the other hand, pushing your not-yet-universally-accepted lifestyle into other people's awareness unfortunately is still needed, but must be done with good taste.
For example, had that trans visitor to the White House been less shrill, she might have been much more successful in making her point. She wanted to embarrass the president on deportations. I have no problem with that. But there is a time and a place and she choose to go beyond common courtesy.
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/community/gay-south-fl...
I'm torn whether the women "owed" it to people to make a complete female presentation. It suppose it depends on her reasons and intent. I don't have enough information to form an opinion.
The phone thing . . . no excuse for bad manners.
Thank you for this extremely interesting post. I'm curious how others react.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I would have been happy to talk to her
However, she spoiled a chance to talk to someone who was very sympathetic to her cause, whether it be transgender, cross dressing, or any other variant. No one group has a monopoly on rudeness. I think that was what put me off. I'm surprised the phone didn't run out of power.
Portia
Her Loss
eom
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
found your blog.....
.... and, though I've never encountered a situation like the one you describe, Portia, I absolutely agree with the view that the 'community' we play small parts in don't have the right to broadcast so long and so loud... indeed, nobody does -- it's bas manners and a pain. More importantly, if we choose to 'go out', we owe it to society to behave in the best way we can to project the image of femininity we cherish. Oh, how I wish I could go out as I once did in those years ago! But now, I accept, I can't, but it doesn't stop me wanting those who can to do it well! GOG (Grumpy old Girl) xx