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Writing Bike enables me to explore the realities of being transgender/transsexual as well as flights of fancy from time to time. While a shorter form would also enable some of this, it doesn't allow the depth of exploration, my soapy serial does. In the most recent story arc, we have a new transgender staff member who doesn't know Cathy's history, but who latches on to her like a younger sister or even daughter to learn the skills she doesn't have as a woman - things as diverse as homemaking and dealing with male attention.
Cathy is very fortunate being AIS, so appears as an attractive female, she is also married with oodles of adopted children, has a high prestige job - Professor of a university faculty, the wife of an aristocrat and director of a fast growing commercial bank. She is also some years post op and is rarely seen by all except as she appears, a successful and attractive woman.
Now, the dilemma is, does she come clean to her new colleague who appears to be holding her up as a paragon or does she remain in stealth? It's a dilemma I've faced myself at times when dealing with clients/patients who were transgender but didn't seem to spot it in me and I felt no need to inform them. I also get occasional reports from patients, who don't know my status, of people or family they know who have changed their gender. Again I feel no need to inform them, having transitioned 30 years ago this summer, as my history is of no consequence to the relationship between us as a health professional and patient.
Cathy's reasoning for not having told her colleague is simply that it's no longer relevant, she's moved on and doesn't have to justify herself to anyone, having agonised over her past for several years, she really does appear to have achieved it. Does she have a moral obligation to come clean or is she right to maintain what might be seen by some as a deception?
This raises the question of, do we ever really move on to actually be what we aspire to or are we always just an illusion or deception, prisoners of our histories?
Comments
The Scarlet T
Before I throw my two cents into this discussion, let me ask you a few things? How do you wish people to think about you? Put another way, what part of you and your personality or professionalism do you wish to shine through? Normally, when dealing with people, especially when meeting them for the first time, these are the traits you want them to see and remember you by.
Now, by telling someone you are TG straight out of the box, before they get to know you as a person, an associate, or an advisor, they will, more often than not think of you as a TG first, making it more difficult for them to see you in the light you want them to see.
I base the above theory on the story of the ‘Scarlet Letter’ written by Nathaniel Hawthorne. It is the story of a woman, Hester Pryne, who commits adultery and is forced to wear a scarlet ‘A’ sown to the front of her clothing. The scarlet ‘A’ does not change who she is or her ability to be a good mother. What it does is do is cause people who deal with her to see the ‘A’ first and judge her personality and worthiness based on that alone. In their minds, it lumps Hester in with the worst type of adulterers known to them.
The same could be said of the Jews in Nazi Germany. The yellow star of David sewn on their outerwear labeled them as Jews first and, in the minds of people who had been conditioned to think poorly of Jews, as being unworthy of their company.
The point I am leading up to is a simple one. Do you wish to go through life with a scarlet ‘T’ branded into your forehead, or do you wish to live your life as you, the person you really are? There will be times, of course, when it will come out in your day-to-day life or professional dealings that you are TG. By then, however, people will know you, the part of you that really matters to you and wish them to judge you by. The response of most people then will be, “Oh, I see. Now, getting back to what it was we were talking about …”
The only exception to this rule, in my mind, is if you find yourself becoming romantically involved with someone. Telling them the full story of your past up front and early on is a must.
I expect there are a number of dedicated activists, hardcore TG radicals, and zealots working to create a TG version of Utopia who will poo-poo this view of life. So be it. But that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.
HW Coyle
a.k.a. Nancy Cole
a.k.a. The Heretic
"You may be what you resolve to be."
T.J. Jackson
I believe that
Cathy is her own prisoner. She refuses to move on with both her feelings, attitudes of life, and towards Shek the goddess. She is her own worst enemy and will not break free of her rigid conception of everything.
As far as a moral obligation? It's no one else's business. It is no deception as it is out there as part of a public record if someone really wanted to dig it up by. One's physical appearance does not stamp the worth of an individual. What comes from within defines and makes up the person and how they are perceived. Whom one loves is simple - The body should not matter. The argument should be how many you choose to love and keep around you. If you live and define your worth as a person based on whats between your legs, you are doomed to self destructive behavior and harmful behavior to others.
How can Cathy assist Debbie? Perhaps the two can help each other and Debbie can work her way into Cathy's family and open her mind to other possibilities. Perhaps Cathy can listen and try to break free of her own limitations to herself, through small and maybe subtle ways. There is always hope.
But Cathy, as she is now, is stagnant as a character and has not grown. Until she breaks free of her own chains and explores new ways of thinking and believing, is drowning herself mentally and wallowing in self pity.
Whatever you decide to do with her Angharad, allow Cathy to grow and change. Let's see her move forward and be open to new story devices and possibilities.
That's my 2 cents on what I think.
Sephrena
I agree with a lot of this
I agree with a lot of this but I don't feel that Cathy is her own prisoner. She just can't intellectually or with reasoning thought accept what she believes emotionally with Shek and the Blue Light. When her emotions are engaged, Cathy is a believer. When she has that emotional distance and she brings that big brain of hers into play she denies it all. She's a scientist, and her brain's been trained that magic, faith and all that is just subconscious meaningless nonsense that we placate ourselves with in order to feel better. Since the beginning, she's at least gotten to the point where she calls on the Blue Light and accepts that it works. I think she's very close to stepping across the line and accepting the whole thing on an intellectual level.
~XI
Could it just happen that Cathy ...
... gets Debbie to gee the students up as regards using research.
And then maybe Diane drops a hint to Debbie to do some research herself ...
If Cathy makes a big point of it, then the research suggestion will be associated in Debbie's mind as coming from Cathy.
So Cathy could be considered to have told her without telling her directly.
My gut says that she has to let it out some way or another.
But then my gut has a poor track record.
Di
well since you are asking for input
mine would be "yes, tell her". this obviously IS something to Cathy,or she wouldnt still be fretting over it. i think her current stance would be good if Debbie was still 'on the cusp" of deciding her future, but since she is fully transitioned and just looking for a mentor in things female, i think it would be good to show her that yes while Cathy had AIS, that is ONLY the physical appearance, and Debbie seems quite ok in that department (well after a little makeup help from Julie :D ). the soul, her very essence is female, THAT is what makes her a woman.
The chance of her finding out it high, and she might take it, real bad. especially if she is a Wicca with some ability from the dream escapade, even if it was subconscious. While she might not LOOK, someone might point it out to her, after all she thinks Cathy is a Cis woman, so has no reason to investigate, and with the Shekinah's (sp) warning in that dream sequence, she knows she is NOT just a normal woman already.
i think if Cathy "fesses up", it will show Debbie, it is more about how you treat YOURSELF, than how others treat you, being yourself, just allowing it without critiquing it so much, or harshly as we tend to do, she will become the woman she was born to be. we all need teaching, and that is what Cathy excels at, passing on her knowledge to others. so let her do it, without the strain and worry of Debbie finding out her past. No it SHOULDNT be relevant, but it will also make Debbie easier, i hope, in her life, showing that good, even great things, can happen for those like us.
initially after the dream episode, i was wondering if she was connected with the character that has been trying to get cathy into her wicca circle already, but it seems it is just a coincidence.
all of that being said, it is YOUR story hun, so i hope you take all this advice and do what you want. this story is what it is because of the author, not the opinion of the readers. if the story is good, people will read it, some agree wholeheartedly, some with quibbles, etc. as the saying goes "if you write it, they will read it" or something like that :D
Hugs, and Happy Belated Mothers Day,
Teresa L.
Making it real.
Cathy's dilemma is close to my own and I look forward to reading how she copes if Debbie finds for herself of Cathy's history. Like Cathy I never planned to live 'stealth' having a home, friends and career in a city where I and my history were well known and family elsewhere I met from time to time. The years have turned however and since those transition days I've lived a diverse life and had many adventures all over the world with friends and lovers who have never seen me as other than a genetically born woman.
Now there is the possibility past and present may collide on a significant scale. I do not have a Debbie but I do have a 'significant other' who being a romantic gentleman has plans of grand tours in regions where friends of long ago and new generations of my family are maturing. It will not be the first time my worlds have overlapped and experience shows that during a visit of a few days my new world does not learn of my old life but could my family for instance resist educating someone they might see as a new family member?
My approach is, like Cathy's, to take it as it comes.
Rhona McCloud