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One of the parts of adulting I'm trying to learn is how to make mistakes.
Now that probably sounds confusing, so let me explain.
For most of my life, any mistake I made became huge, an example of my general unworthiness. I would beat myself up, add the mistake to a list of mistakes that I kept reminding myself of, and generally act like I was in a really bad tragedy.
But adults dont act like that.
Instead, an adult will recognize that mistakes happen even to the most careful and cautious of people, start working on cleaning up the mistake, apologize to anybody who may have been hurt by the mistake, try and examine the mistake objectively to learn what went wrong so it can be avoided in the future, and then, let the mistake go.
I am not there yet, but I'm working on it ...
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hey dot,
just say to yourself: Shit happens when you make a mistake.
( it does you know, and usually stinks ;) )
I then proceed to look for how to fix the problem without trying to deny that it was me the screwed up. The latter part being something that often gains me a lot of respect since most people won't own their screwups.
Stupidity is a capital offense. A summary not indictable.
Putting your hand up and
Putting your hand up and saying 'It was me' is harder than many people think. Some adults never do it. I'd go as far as saying that they would never own up to anything even into their 50's.
It is hard to start with but after a while, your stress levels can drop to managable levels if you do it rather than bottling it all up.
You are in effect transferring the problem onto someone else but at a lower level than if it was on you alone.
One manager I had in the 1990's was completley broadsided by me sayiing 'it was me and this is what I've done to resolve it'. He just could not handle it. Chalk one up to me.
So, keep on with it Dotty. It may even help the PTSD.
Oh, and my being able to own up, shrug my shoulders and get on with life really peed off my ex. :) :)