Awake at three a.m.

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Awake at three in the morning. It's a contradiction of human existence, I guess.

I'm awake right now because I was having a weird dream. In the dream, Mel Brooks asks what if Buddha had been a nice Jewish boy from Queens?

Siddhartha the Buddha, or as his mother called him, Siddhartha the Bum.

She says to him, Sid, Sid, why don't you get a job? Your brother Marty has a nice job on Wall Street and what are you doing? Sitting under a tree eating plums!

I woke up laughing.

I tried to go back to sleep but Mrs. Gautama kept talking.

Why don't you get a job, she says, and he says, Ma, I've got a job. I'm a teacher.

She says, that's not a real job, you know why I know it's not a real job? If you had a real job, you could afford to go to the Hamptons for the summer instead of sitting under a pear tree eating plums. That's no vacation from a real job!

He says, Ma, why would I sit under a pear tree eating plums? It was a fig tree and I was eating figs....

I don't care if they were Avogadros! she interrupts. You could eat any number of Avogadros and I wouldn't care.

Then she starts in on him about grandkids. When are you going to get married? If you were married, you would have to get a real job and get me some grandkids? Your brother Marty, he can't because he's got that thing, his Exeter is too narrow.

His urethra, ma.

His ureter, he's not going to have kids but you could get married.... Are you gay? You can tell me.... If you have some nice boy you'd rather marry you can bring him by.... What's his name? Steve?

Ma, I'm not gay, Sid says.

Maybe you and Steve could adopt? Marty can't adopt because his wife has that conviction from when she was a prison guard.

Imogene Coca was playing Ma, Sid Caeser (who else) as Sid, with Howie Morris as Marty and Terry Jones as Mrs. Finkelstein nextdoorsikeh.

At which point, I got up again and wrote this all down. :)

Comments

A note

erin's picture

This was not meant to annoy or insult anyone; Brooks did this kind of thing with Jesus and Moses so why not with Siddhartha? At least, my dream Brooks had no malice intended and neither do I.

Hugs,
Joyce

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

As soon as you said Mel

As soon as you said Mel Brooks my mind started reading it in his voice and thought right back to his performances in The History of the World Part I

I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime

Yeah, the dream was pretty much in Brooks's voice

erin's picture

Except where I was hearing Imogene Coca or Sid Caesar. Or Terry Jones. :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Maybe he has

erin's picture

I hope I'm as funny as he is when I'm his age. :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

What did you eat before you went to bed?

Angharad's picture

It's nearly as strange as my Jesus on a spacehopper which I dreamt up while I was wide awake but it was meant to demonstrate someone with a head injury.

Joke I heard on the radio. A koala bear climbs to the top of a tree holds out his arms at right angles to his body leaps off the tree and crashes to the ground. He dusts himself off, climbs back up the tree and does the same again. Watching him do this for the next half an hour are two large birds sitting on a nearby branch talking, one says to the other, "D'you think we should tell him he was adopted?"

Angharad

Nothing

erin's picture

I ate turkey and dressing and a slice of pecan pie at about 2 in the afternoon and I went to bed at 8 p.m. because of my cold. I have dreams like this all the time, it's just I don't usually get up and write them down immediately. They fade quickly if you don't. :)

There was the one about Sam the Finn, who was an alien and secret revolutionary restaurant owner serving burritos in lingonberry sauce....

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.