My divorce has not been an easy ride, but dealing with sub-teenage children is the most depressing part.
I separated from my wife after I outed myself as TG. She initially cut off all access to my children but I went to court and managed a few small victories.
One aspect that alluded me however was access to the children's school records so I could see how they were doing. My ex had apparently told the schools that I had no legal access so letters went unanswered.
At the time I wasn't up for a fight but did manage to get my daughter's end of year report (several months late).
A month ago I had a phone call from my son's school asking if I could collect him as he'd been excluded for two days. They had tried to call my ex and I was the next one on the contact list. I wrote an email to the school reminding them that I did exist, that there was no legal issue and that I'd like an update.
A month later there was no response so I wrote to the principle who runs both of my children's schools (I used to be on the governing body so know the principle personally). I had an email yesterday from the head of my son's school with an apology, a letter today from the principle with an apology and a phone call just now with an apology, an explanation and an update.
I now know what my son has achieved in the school year (so far) and how many times he's had detention. A copy of the record is in the post to me.
I'm still waiting for a response concerning my daughter. The head of her school was given the false info about me being barred but has now received an instruction from his boss.
I'm kicking myself that I could have sorted this out a year back but neither my solicitor or the social worker wanted to help, it is difficult enough to argue against falsehoods without documentary evidence, more so without legal backing.
Topsy
Hope this helps
Topsy,
According to US law (and I know this might not cover you), if the divorce decree does not state ... then you are allowed. For example, children do best when both moms (in your case) stay in contact with the educational institute regarding their children. You are allowed full access to school files period. I can go into much detail privately if you desire, as I am setting court law for the very forward state of Idaho. Much of what my ex has tried to do, the judge, or therapist team has gently corrected in my favor, but that is only after taking many baby steps on my side. Hindsight I could and should have been much more forward with my requiring details of my son's records.
I hope this helps. If you want to talk about it, download skype. It is free and we can talk lots (one of my biggest issues these days ...).
I hope things improve.
Kendra
Access
Hi Kendra
At the beginning of the divorce I had to take a back step (on legal advice) as my character was being destroyed in my ex's town (I'd moved north). My depression and poorly treated epilepsy meant that for almost a year I could barely function outside the house.
Then the arguments in court started, I had some meetings with the social worker and saw my kids at the family centre but the ex was being told to restrict me, regardless of whether or not it was legal. My solicitor and social services didn't want to know.
For the last six months things have been much better, I see my daughter every other weekend (for the whole weekend) and my son when he bothers to make himself available. His school told me today that he doesn't do his homework, I told the school this is because he's never at home.
It was my ex telling me on the phone that I had 'no right' to talk to my son's school that got me moving. Right now I know exactly what his targets are for 2009-2010 and what his achievement level is right now. A copy will be in the post on Monday. I have the school's assurance that everything that's sent home with my son will be copied to me. Apparently the reason I wasn't getting anything was that she 'forgot' to include my details on the annual name/address/phone/email update form.
Even better news yesterday was my new solicitor telling me that my ex no longer has legal representation. She was getting free legal advice because she had no money but she forgot to tell them I'd given her £10,000 as part of the settlement - they found out when my brief told them !!
I have a final hearing in front of a judge in 4 weeks to set out my full access arrangements. I have joint custody (but she seemed to forget this legal point). I'm not now expecting the ex to appear in court, so it should be a one-sided hearing. She had until 4pm today to lodge her statement with the court but I doubt she's managed to start it. My statement was lodged yesterday.
Thanks for the offer, I do have skype, but have it so my children can contact me without the ex knowing.
Topsy
Mostly Harmless
Access
Hmmm net connection goes down and I end up with a double post.