I am a girl by sufferance

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I am a girl by sufferance. I was not born a girl, didnt have a girlhood to learn the nuances of being a girl. I do not believe I really "pass" as a girl by any objective standard. So I am a girl by sufferance. My girlhood can be taken from me by words - "Him", "Sir" or my male name. It can be taken from me by actions - isolation, rejection, contempt. No "natural" girl will ever know what that feels like, to be "tolerated" like I'm some crazy person that no one has the energy to argue with. At times, this constant struggle to be simply be treated as a girl gets me down, and I despair of it ever changing. And yet I cannot give in to that despair, I have to find the strength to keep going because the alternative is unthinkable. That is only possible because of all the love and support I've been getting here and elsewhere online, as well as those in my real life. To all those people, I can only say thank you.

I know this feeling really

I know this feeling really well I go through it just like you and it seems to me that it would be a good idea if I copy your words so I can have them when I leave the family that treats me as what they want and not what I am. Thanks for sharing them here.

Yours Truly



think we all know the same feeling.

kimmie's picture


Sadly we do not have a default right as we are not that way out of the shoot. I feel sometimes I have a long term tenancy instead of being an owner. I am grateful to pass very well and am treated just like all women are but .... there is always that but.


Extravagance's picture

Being "Miss'd"

is better than being "Sir'd", but "Sir" beats most of the other male ones. At least it's respectful.
Probably easier to say that with my being a MegaTomboy though. = )

- - -

BCTS's resident Extravagant Honorable Trans-Cat-MegaTomboy! ;D ...But I do like cuddles from soft but strong arms... ^_^

Catfolk Pride.PNG

im missing something

Forgive me but I am obviously missing something. Are you trying to get people to see you as a girl and not being successful? Or is it family that are the problem?

To me if you are born a girl (regardless of what is between your legs) this should be easily apparent to all those around you.

Be thankful that you do not have to deal with monthly issues such as pms, which btw is alot less fun than many think, cramps, bloating, wild urges, and then having to find the right product when you need it. Go ahead look at the store shelves it changes often and with each store its really not as easy as you think as some products are not only uncomfortable but can cause rashes as well.

Needless be assured that as far as I am concerned your a woman period. If you require help in expressing the inner woman or feel depressed at any time please contact me.



Sorry tel but what an offensive comment!

Doreen was asking for a certain empathy and that's all you could come up with? Perhaps you was fortunate enough to be comfortable in your own skin.
The offensive part of your comment was the reference to periods?
This is where I get off the train! We are female at heart and wish to enjoy childbirth and all that comes with it. The only humans I ever heard complaining regarding their monthlies as a curse were women and then they would go through another drama when meanopause hit.
It is part of being a woman that I envy so don't be lecturing about a subject you are obviously ignorant of.

Your comment gives me the impression you are female and enjoy the freedom to crossdress outside of your house as none objects to female cd's wearing trousers and shirts but if I go out in a skirt and a blouse what then?

Sorry but your reply to Dorothy made me so angry as you was bereft of empathy.

Don't you realize men feel their own pain too? See that house you'r sitting in? It took blood, sweat and tears to build it. I know fom experience as I was employed in the construction industry. Every brick laid causes physical pain to build a house so dont be preaching to opposite genders of pain!

It feels even worse for a woman such as me who had to lift the bricks and mortar and build the god damned house!

Don't force us into societies gender expectations. Nothing is black and white, look out for the shades of grey.

End of my opinion.


You mistook what i wrote completely.

If anyone was offended in any way I do sincerly apologize.

I have been told repeatedly that some of what I say to people usually comes across wrong. I forget the exact word but being painfully blunt is part of it.

You were definitely missing a lot...

You have to realize that for us, even IF everyone DOES treat us the way we want to be treated, a tiny little voice in our heads keeps niggling at us that it's not enough. That we aren't really women, no matter how hard we try to be, how well we pass, how completely everyone accepts us. It's even stronger when people who are important to us continue to deny us.

Sometimes, I even feel like an imposter. I can't really be TG, where were all the signs and symptoms growing up? Depression? Self-repression? So what, I'm still doing it, this voice insists. I'm not a transsexual, I'm just a man with a weird fetish of wanting to have sex as a woman.

The rest of me cries out against that voice, but still, it's there. Perhaps no one who doesn't suffer GID can ever understand this aspect of it, but trust us, it never REALLY goes away. It may get weaker over the course of years, but it still sits back there and niggles every now and then. At least, that's the impression I'm getting reading others diaries as I'm sorting myself out. I'm still early in this process.

All we can do for each other when one of us feels these sorts of feelings is to support each other, give each other a few extra hugs, and perhaps share our own mechanisms for coping with such feelings.

And, yeah... Never bring up our lack of "womens problems" as a positive when someone's going through this, it's only going to drive a further wedge. Most, if not all, of us would give (almost) anything to be able to experience EVERYTHING about being a whole and complete woman. Were it possible. Some might even give anything. The desires are THAT powerful. We are THAT driven. That we cannot ever experience such only further adds to our feelings of being "on sufferance", or, even, of being imposters.

I realize that you couldn't have really understood, so, please, don't think I'm blasting you as an individual. I'm just trying to explain to you how our feelings work in this regard.

With conciliatory hugs,

Abigail Drew.

Abigail Drew.

thank you

thank you abby it means alot.

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