came home from work in tears

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Well, I think the hormones are starting to have an effect on me, but not in a good way. Several times last night I was in tears, frustrated with my lack of strength. Overall, the day sucked, and I left feeling like pretty much a complete failure. Ah, well.

whats your dosages.

Something I have read on the internet is that many f-m are given excessive amounts of estrogen. If its higher than 0.68 daily Your gonna be a complete wreck in reguards to emotions.

Look at teen girls just entering puberty.

Extravagance's picture


I DON'T think a f - m would appreciate being given estrogen...

- - -

BCTS's resident Extravagant Honorable Trans-Cat-MegaTomboy! ;D ...But I do like cuddles from soft but strong arms... ^_^

Catfolk Pride.PNG


I ment m-f my bad

OK, here's the deal on messin with estrogen.

Yes, well I am not an endocrinologist but here is what I have experienced. At first, I was sneaking birth control pills. Couldn't tell much if any difference. Later, I got a Doc to put me on Spiro and Estradial @ 2mg a day, in pill form. Within a couple months of starting Spiro, I had an Orchiectomy so the Spiro was no longer needed.

I would later find out that the Estradial was not very effective with me, and tried to increase the dosage, only to wind up on the psych ward at the local VA Hospital. True, I had a lot going on at the time and I do not know for sure that the increased dosage made me crash. Still, when I resumed the correct dosage, I leveled out. Hmmmm. This happened twice.

It is interesting that during that time, I knew people who said they were taking 10 or even 20 mg of Estradial a day. I seemed to have a really low tolerance for it. I also, got almost no breast development at the time. I was stumped.

So, after I went to Thailand, to have my penis gutted like a dead fish, and then shoved back up in me with a shovel handle, I came back and almost died from ecoli that had somehow gotten from my bowels to my bladder. How could that happen? Duh. This screwing around with what God made is tiger country, AND they just did the operation and did not tell me a thing about feminine hygiene. Gah!

So, after the VA got me on a PICC line and had me inject massive amounts of antibiotics for a month, I was pronounced alive again. The Doc said she was surprised that I came back. She thought I would die. That was a happy thought. After she found that I was alive, she set me up with an endocrinologist, and she took me off the Estrodial, saying it is not a good drug, and lots of people have a negative reaction to it. She also said that in pill form, the intestines destroy most of the estrogen.

So, she put me on Vivelle dot. It is a patch and administers .1 mg a day of Estrogen through the skin, so it does not go through the Gastrointestinal tract. For reasons that are not clear to me, my body just loves it, and within a very short time the girls had popped up on my chest and have grown to the point where I do not use any forms at all, B+ I think.

So, if you are weepy and all that, you may want to look at your dosage.

Much peace




May your girls not sag and cause pain!

A couple of points...

It takes a LONG time for estrogen to have a significant effect on your strength... I'm not talking weeks or months here... If you do a consistent amount of work - and don't increase your strengthening exercises we do gradually lose muscle mass, which translates... I think I'd look for a different cause for a lack of strength, to be honest.

As to tears... It takes a good bit of time to get used to these hormones. :-) Irrespective of the dose, it's a while before the dosage moves your estrogen blood count to the level your doc wants... And same with changes in dosage. My doc doesn't check my blood level until about 10 weeks after a change in dose level.

Personally - I do injections every other week. .4 cc of the estroidial solution (I forget the concentration right now, and am not where I can look at the vial.) Once I'd been on the estrogen for about two months, my family noticed I was moodier twice a month. LOL. I also noticed this but not as soon as they did. Guess being inside the head make a difference. (Btw - my doc won't prescribe oral hormones when you're over 40... due to liver issues.)

What I find is it's EASIER for things to kick in physical manifestations of my emotions than it was before. This is only partially a result of the hormones. I also stopped my old "Mr. Spock" front (I don't try to be a rock any more)... But, the hormones do have an effect!!!! I've learned to accept the occasional highs and the happy tears. I've also come to recognize the lows and avoid making significant decisions while in a low... (I don't give up when feeling a failure, as I know it's better than half due to the hormones playing their game. Now, if I'm on a high and feel like a failure... Maybe.)

Good luck.

The emotional part.

I could never figure out where the change in emotions came from, and now that I have been at it for 7 years, just take it in stride. I always take the same amount of E, so I do not seem to get moody. Though, even after the surgery, I do get horny about every month or six weeks. This too passes eventually.

So, the rest of this is hard to sort out and not even psych folk can do it with certainty. Do the emotions come from the E, or do they come from the deep personal losses of family and such? Do we get sad because women are seen as sort of little sisters to men?

Coping with men has been quite a challenge for me and perhaps when I was Muslim, it became even more muddled up, or perhaps it protected me? I do not know. As Muslim, I never experienced the things that women in the Middle East do. One Muslim man did scold me for opening the hood of my car. He was cute and treated me very nicely, but I was put in my place.

"Sister Khadijah, what are you doing in there? This not for woman. You need man to do these things for you. What you do any way?"

"Brother, I was checking the oil in my car. I do not wish it to run out."

"You do not know about these things." He said as he took the dipstick from my hands gently. I giggled to myself, and thought, "Well, I did ask for this, did I not?"

"OK, you one quart low. Go to gas station and tell them this. They will fix."

I did a small curtsy, bowing my head slightly and thanked him. The curtsey and bowing are not part of Islam, but sucking up a bit never hurt did it?

He scolded me and told me that if I had needs like this that he would find someone to help me. I thanked him with my hand on my heart, and he left.

So, I am afraid that I have digressed. Now back to the subject.

Yes, well I do think that genetic women do get accustomed to the E, and I have had to face that no matter how much I want to, I will never be a completely, bleeding, childbearing, multi-tasking woman. I have become someone that I am pleased with.

Much peace




"mr spock" front. Also called buring your emotion has lasting side effects I speak from experience.

Side effects?

Side effects? No kidding... And, they are not good for you. BUT, they allowed me to live/exist and NOT accidentally out myself - for a long time. And, the family found comfort in having at least one person who was a "rock" who was stable, always there, never rattled, etc... They've lost part of this.

One example of a side effect was my blood pressure... Half my BP problems was due to an overactive thyroid... But, only half. The other half was only partially corrected by medication. Two weeks after coming out to my wife and being accepted, my BP problem disappeared a shortly thereafter I was off the BP meds... I've been off them for over three years now. :-) Yeah. Locking one's emotions away can hurt you.


Andrea Lena DiMaggio's picture

Lack of strength? Annette points out, it's likely due to something other than the very recent introduction of hormones. The stress you've been under for nearly the past two years may have a lot to do with your physical condition, to be sure.

Regarding your emotional state; you're battling on two emotional fronts at least. First, the PTSD even with therapy and medication will play havoc with your emotions under the best of circumstances. Add to that your transition and ALL the emotional connotations that implies. You're dealing with potential rejection from work, from family, from the public in general.

And of course your recent blog regarding your ex leaves you at an emotional loss to explain just what is going on, as well as the ongoing worry about the possibility of being cut off from your daughter. Having said all that, you're doing terrific! Yes, I know... if this is terrific I'd really hate to see what bad is like. But I speak from experience; stress-wise. My transition doesn't start until 2023. You're going to get through this. Much love!

Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later,
and then you still have to decide what to do. ― C.S. Lewis
Love, Andrea Lena


Aww, Andrea. You know the world's going to end before that. :P


Renee M's picture

Dear Dorothy

Oh sweetie, try to destress and relax, things will get better.

About estrogen: I don't know what Tels means by "0.68 daily"; what units? weight I guess; what hormone exactly?

Gwen is correct about part of the drug being destroyed by the GI track prior to absorption. I take a 2mg estradiol tab sublingually (under the tongue). I've heard that one of the risks of taking estrogen is a possibility of blood clots, (in the legs, I think) that could break loose and cause a stroke or heart attack. I have also heard that the drug's first pass through the liver, from the stomach, somehow causes most of the blood clot risk. Sublingual absorption also avoids this risk factor.

I'm not sure if there is an estrogen named estradial, but there might be. I take estradiol and I think there is a compound named estradion.

I'm 19.5 years post op, so my estradiol is completely HRT. Initial (maybe 2 years?) HRT for an M2F should have more estrogen to cause more development of secondary sex characteristics; breasts and fat redistribution. I'm not up to date on optimal initial HRT, but I'm sure there are websites about it. Dr. Becky might have some info on that.

Hugs and Bright Blessings,

Ready for work, 1992. Renee_3.jpg

Hugs and Bright Blessings,


Dororhy, not mutch has been left to say so ... >virtual hugh<.



sadly hormones do not reduce muscles already built.

this is not hormone related.

something else... likely depression are causing a feeling of helplessness, or fatigue or both or neither I dunno I'm not a doctor.

If you're having crying jags though you may be on too high a dose consult your doctor.


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