If you have been following my blog for any length of time and got around all the episodes of drama, you would've seen that I had started gender counseling about 6 weeks ago. The reason for this was quite simple, I want to know if I am really Transgender, or if it was just some flight of fantasy that let me write some interesting story and gave me masturbatory fodder.
Though I have dressed on occasion, it really didn't answer my questions. Sometimes when I would dress I would get aroused, but that was rare and for the most part I was just comfortable. I certainly wasn't a knock out, but I think the weight has a lot to do with that. I do have a miniscule wardrobe for Katie, but certainly not enough to be full time. But I have spent more and more time looking at female clothing.
Lately I have been doing things to bring me closer to being fem. I have grown my hair longer (it's just past the neck line and I really want it over the shoulder). I got my ears pierced and though I just have the original pair of studs, I have looked at getting other earrings. Right now it is just cost prohibitive until the fraud claim goes through. I was looking at getting female shoes, but stores don't carry my size (I am 12 men and think it comes to 13.5 female when I measured.)
On with the point. Today at counseling I got the okay to set up an appointment with the doctor that does the HRT. I was told the waiting list can be as long as 2 months. Though the impulsive side told me to call right away, I wanted time to think a little more and give my mind time to catch up with my heart. This situation is exactly what I wanted though, a turning point. The ball is now in my court. If I want to be fem, I can start hormones and now is my time to decide "Do I really want to be a girl?" It's quite exciting actually. I harken it to a boy who played soldier all his life and winds up standing outside the Marine recruitment office. Playing is one thing, but when the bullets and lace are flying at you at breakneck speeds... that's when you learn about your dedication to things.