Wow. Its been just past two years since I've logged into this account and checked this place out as my online personality. Between that time a lot has passed for me. For those of you who might remember me... hi. For those who don't or haven't met me, I've only got two other blog posts on here from two years ago, so getting to know what I was like two years ago shouldn't be too difficult. I'm... not really sure what to do or say. I think I might start from the beginning.
I'm not the kind of person who likes to hold onto bad memories and times of mental pain, so I don't remember very well what I was doing two years ago here or the exact emotions I was feeling at the time. They were probably stronger emotions than what I have today. From what I can gather from my own blog posts and messages to several people... I was scared and frustrated. To a point I still feel that way. If I remember correctly I gave up the site for a very long time due to my leaving for college. On one hand I'm very sorry I never kept with the site, on the other hand I really didn't have time to keep up with it anyways.
Yes, I've been at college for two years now. I've enjoyed the experience and what I've learned. I'm learning to be a film maker (I like to focus on writing, directing and production design). This semester I'm hoping to work on between four and eight short films. In that time at school I have dated two people (One at school and one back at home via long distance). The first girl and I separated because it wasn't working (But we're still good friends today), the second girl dumped me even though I had practically devoted myself to her (I had spent over 800 dollars on her over the course of 3 months, spent time I should have spent with my family with her instead and put far more into the relationship than she had. At the time she broke up with me I was emotionally so weak I'm surprised she took advantage of me like that. It crushed me. Four days before breaking up she said she'd never abandon me and that she loved me. The night before, she texted me saying she wanted to talk to me... and added a smiley to the message. I was completely blindsided). I've experimented with cigarettes (I gave that up pretty quickly), participated in underage drinking (Gave that up after a few months until I turned 21), and legal drinking (I still drink a Cider or some hard liquor). During this time I also experimented with crossdressing.
Even now the desire to become female at times still happens on a daily basis. As some people had suggested to me before, I started seeing a therapist for a while about the issue. He's a great guy who sympathizes with me and is willing to work in whatever direction I want, which is pretty fantastic. Still, even with that, I'm not sure its helped any.
So I'm back again. Why? I'm not fully sure myself. I've visited the site every once in a while but I've never tried to log back in until now. I didn't even realize that my original name had been "Jess Worthington" as I had created an alternate name for myself instead afterwards. A major tipping point was recently when Erin shut down the site for the day due to an unnamed group of people's actions. I don't know why, but something about it made me want to come back.
So yeah, thats about all I got for now. I think I'll stick around a bit longer than last time and see what happens and write some more stuff again. Thanks for reading.