In-Laws, DyFS, and a Whole Mess of Stuff.....

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So shit hit the fan today.

Amy's parents basically told her that I don't care for her, that I'm not welcome as Family any more, and that she will probably be cut off from her family if she doesn't leave me.

And by leave me, I mean they gave her a deadline of next saturday (2 days after the amniocentesis).

In this time, I need to get us moved into a new house. I've had help from some people, and have some money to help, and I'm not going to ask for more, but if you want to help, please use the HatBox and let Joyce know.

Right now, the reason I'm posting this is that I'M PISSED.

Her family has threatened to call DYFS (Department of Youth and Family Services) on us if we don't conform to what they want for their GrandChild.

And while I KNOW there is not even a basis for a case against us, it would be ONE MORE STRESSER in my life that I can't deal with right now.

WHY does people that "pretend" that FAMILY is number one, need to be SO CRUEL just to make themselves feel so important?



I have learned that family is often your worst enemy. I hope that their ultimatum made it clear what Amy needs to do. I think that these sorts of things usually push people to do the oposite of what the family demands, funny that.

I hope that it gets better.



Best Wishes

So sorry you're going through this. If anybody should cut anybody out of their life, I think Amy should cut her family out of hers. What a bunch of abusive, meddling, vindictive, controlling a**holes! Who needs that?

I hope you're not in a state with institutionalized bigotry against non-vanilla families. If you are, especially with her family being crazy, you might want to move to another state. But, I hope you live in one of the saner states so you can avoid having to do that.

Now, this isn't exactly your situation, but she may find some of Dan Savage's advice to the adult gay children of Evangelicals in this video clip useful:

I'm sorry you're going through this

my prayers are with you and yours.


If you haven't...

I give this advice a lot, it seems, but if you haven't already done so, please contact a lawyer for advice. The threat to call DYFS may be them just blowing smoke, but it also might not, and it's better to be prepared. If you can't get a lawyer on your own, look for a legal aid clinic or the like, and at least get some advice as to what your rights are and what you may need to do (or are allowed to do) if officials do come by. Just as an example, I tend to say you should never let officials inside your house without a warrant, but I also know there are exceptions where they don't need them or you're better off letting them in, and a local lawyer is likely to know far better than me what those situations are.

I'm sorry you've got this added on top of any other problems, of course, and will keep you in my prayers. Best of luck,



Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Don't be a victim

Go on the offense and protect yourself. DO consult a lawyer. DO get a restraining order barring contact with her family. DO get living will, regular will, and Medical Attorney of power made ensuring only, you - the immediate family, - have legal decision powers. DO contact authorities over the threat and possible future harassment from her family.

Ensure they have no legal basis nor possibility to remove your child from you!

You have to plan for this now in advance because it sounds like they will do it in the future saying you are unfit to be a parent and that you create an unhealthy environment for the child because of your sexual orientation.

Get to a Judge and talk with the Judge and Social services over this issue and see about all legal loopholes to get closed to bar that from ever happening!!!!!

DO get a recording device and ensure all calls and voice conversations are recorded and made clear in the message. Recording will provide a wealth of evidence for later.

DO also find out if religion is an issue as this can be used as ammunition against the family for intrusion of their beliefs upon your life. The ACLU can be used for this as well.

In fact, in consultation with your lawyer, find out if slapping her family with a civil and possibly federal lawsuit of discrimination of your civil rights would be appropriate, since they have uttered discrimination and threating your family life.

Just remember, Parental rights stopped at the age of 18 and them trying to interfere with her is illegal and needs to be made clear.

Failure to act now will ensure misery later on.


And . . .

Find out what the law in your state is regarding the legality of recording private conversations in various situations. There are some states whose laws require that both parties know of and agree to being recorded. Covertly recording people unless covered by a wiretap order from the court can get you into serious legal trouble. Check first.

Karen J.

* * *

Ever accidentally throw something away and then later realize you actually needed it?

I did that with my life.

Maren Sorensen's picture

Lawyer up...

and go on the attack! File a complaint about "hate speech" if appropriate. Don't wait! Let her parents know that they'll never see their grandchild if they persist. Get in their face!


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