TopShelf Blogs

Another lap around the sun


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As those of you who engage in the Great Waste Of Time known as Facebook may already be aware, today marks my completion of another lap around the sun - not that I feel any different to yesterday or appreciably older. Just an ordinary day at work attempting to make sense of a pile of social care data, hoping to massage it into shape by the end of the week ready for the annual government return.

Battle For Earth: Infiltration epub & pdf

For those that are still interested I've uploaded the epub for Battle For Earth:Infiltration. You can grab it from the outline page or download it directly from this link. As with Battle for Earth: Resistance if you want the pdf I will send it to you via email. Just send me a PM with your email addy and I'll get it sent out.

pictures of the past


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Well, we have finally got pictures on our walls, so my mom is happy.

Many trans people would be a little upset at seeing pictures of themselves pre-transition everywhere, but honestly, I find I don't mind all that much.

The boy I was raised as is a part of me, my history in boy world helps shape the woman I'm becoming, so why should I be ashamed of him?

Just my thinking, what's yours?

Blog Entry 17th May 2015- Birthday Songs


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Apparently a lot can be said about someone by the song that was #1 in the charts the day they were born. I can certainly agree with this, as #1 the day I was born was 'Woman' by John Lennon (foreshadowing? Maybe). It's a good job I wasn't born a few days later or it'd have been 'Shaddap You Face' by Joe Dolce. Whilst this isn't a thought exercise so much as a trivia exercise, I thought it'd be interesting to go over what was #1 for my girls and boys on the days they were born (using the UK charts as I'm a proud Brit, lol).

New Universe

Now that The Unusual Clownfish is coming to an end---at least the first part of it, I want to move onto something different. For a while now I've been teasing the possibility of starting a new universe and now I think its time to do so.

I'm going to be taking a foray into a superhero universe. I don't have all the specific details of it fully hammered out but I'm hoping to get the first story up and done as soon as I polish off the last 3 chapters of Clownfish Part One.

Time stands still

Hello all:

I've been a reader on this site for several years now. I love the mental vacation it provides. I comment frequently about stories I read and prefer. I'm a simple working girl who lives my life as I see fit and the world be damned, this includes most of my family who have tossed me aside as if I'm dead.

I'm glad to be here

I see that my approach to storytelling is welcome here and for that I'm glad. I prefer a lighthearted approach to issues related to gender identity and sexuality but by no means do I think they are frivolous. Sometimes a series of light touches is the best way to explore difficult subjects. On top of that I do enjoy making people smile once in a while.

B B King, A Legend Who Now Belongs to the Ages

B B King died this past Thursday at 89. I saw and heard this great Blues Guitarist perform live several times. He also was an influence to other musicians over decades. God is in Heaven and listing to a great jam session.

He was also a WWII veteran. These heroes are getting rarer.


Clownfish Update Again

Sorry about no chapter this week. I was having some internet issues the last few days. Actually it was connectivity issues, the internet would stay on sometimes for a few minutes then shut off for a few hours. I was told there was a problem with one of my lines. I think I managed to fix the problem on my own. So far things are still going very well internet wise.

I'm halfway through Ch.12 as I write this.

Helping Doppler Press rise

Doppler Press has had some nice success to start off. Heather O'Malley's 300 Rains, Lana Lee's Suit Yourself and Sue Brown's Soccer Girl have all hit best seller status. Katie Leone just published Worth Fighting For and that is doing okay for us too. But there are things that the Big Closet community can do to really help not only increase our visibility on Amazon, but drive traffic (more readers for all our authors and perhaps a few new authors to post stories to boot) to the site.

Gabycon 2015

Okay folks

here are the details as they stand

Dates 3/4/5 July 2015
Location Dorchester

programme tbc

Friday evening - meal in Dorchester
Saturday - optional cycle ride (non riders can drive of course!) to Weymouth/Portland followed by Gaby readings and evening meal
Sunday - visit to Yeovilton Air Museum, lunch with Gaby readings before departure.

There is a wide variety of accommodation in the area

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria: Meeting Maria Bello

Picture of Myself, Maria Bello and CapturedByThePastSo I recently got the chance to meet Maria Bellow during the book tour for her new book "WHATEVER... Love is Love" and thought I'd share my experience. I just recently posted it to my rarely-updated WordPress blog.


A final part of a story... A Girl can but Dream...

It was brought to my attention that I had managed to forget to post the final part of a story - A Girl can but Dream

It is now posted here, and of course is still available on in Kindle format.

Friendly Warning

Hey there...

I just wanted to let you all know that I am going to be pulling Transitioning Home as soon as Joyce can get to it. I plan on reworking some things based on my research and then seeing if I can do the thing with the publish. But, since you all might get surprised by it simply vanishing I felt that letting you all know that was going to happen would be a kindness.

Transgender stigma.


I was sitting in a writer's group a couple weeks ago talking about writing TG content out of stories I plan to publish. Surprisingly, it was the consensus of the group is that TG stigma is all but gone. And, it seems that the general public wants to know more about being TG and Intersex. I do not know how Amazon is doing it, and what choices there are but most of the group felt that publishing these stories in General Public is acceptable.

A strange dream


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Well, today I wanted to share a dream I had during my move.

In the dream, at first I found myself in a classroom, and a drill instructer of a teacher was making a boy parade in front of the class because he had come to school previously in ripped pants. We were to sacastically applaud the fact that today he had chosen to wear pants without a rip in them.

Then I looked down at myself, and at first I thought I was wearing red pajamas, so I thought I would be next to be humilated, but the instructor ignored me, and instead clapped his hands together.

The Ice Saints


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The Ice Saints (Die Eisheiligen in German) are saints named for 4th and 5th century martyrs and so on.

This year the Ice Saints' Days start today, according to German-speaking countries. Other countries modify the 'rule'!

This year:

11th May - Mamertus
12th May - Servatius
13th May - Pankratius
14th May - Bonifatius
15th May - Kalte Sophia

Why is this important?
Well, according to farmer's observations over hundreds of years, these days are the last fling of winter, after which no more frosts and no more snow.

It seems amateur cyclists are doping as much as the pros


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Why am I surprised? Probably because I'm incredibly naïve and don't understand why anyone would want to do it. It's dangerous and pointless. What's the point of bragging rights, which apparently alpha males enjoy, if you cheated to get them? Some people seem to think it's worth it, I'm saddened especially as it's rife in youth cycling. Whoever is responsible should be jailed for a very long time - it's tantamount to child abuse and these are the people we want to develop in fitness, technique and ethics. Winning is not all.


For several years I received a stream of Gabyverse fanfiction which for the most part seemed to be received very well and enjoyed by many. Apart from specials by Angharad for the Gabycon's (this years event is the first weekend of July), this has dried up so that the arrival this week of a new interlude was quite unexpected.



I just want to say that I'm encouraged and discouraged both by recent discussions of unpubbing stories, kudos, criticism and the like.

I've demoted two blogs concerned with those subjects off the front page, not because they were unimportant but because I felt that they were both beginning to attract comments that some people could feel were unfriendly.

In general, people are trying to say things they think are encouraging or helpful but I've been doing this for fifteen years and I have a sense of when something is being said that can too easily be misinterpreted. So....


So, over a long period of time a few authors have unpublished their stories, and I always wondered why. Yesterday's blog about that has me examining my own stories and considering what to do. None of my own stories have over 50 Kudos and in the climate of the BCTS world that is humiliating.

Fear of mediocrity?

Real life has really slapped me upside the head lately.

Virtually everything mechanical that I own, or use, has broken down in the last month. My wheelchair, my digital camera, my landline phone, and incredibly, my refrigerator. Luckily, I had very little food to lose--thanks to the foresight of the state of Wisconsin, my laughably meager food-stamp pittance pretty much ensured I wouldn't be able to stock the refrigerator with much anyway.

There are certain advantages to living in an apartment building, however, the most important of which being I (thank goodness!) don't have to hunt for a replacement refrigerator--the apartment management takes care of that. Medicaid took care of the chair, and for the moment I'm relying solely on my cell phone.

Therefore, I can get back to what would normally be my main concern. Namely, writing.


So... I'm angry. Those of you who know me, probably know I have anger issues. I joke about it and say I'm Irish (which I am) and that I've got the stereotypical temper (which I do). I have a hard time getting past anger. I don't forgive easily. I hold grudges. Maybe I'm being petty. I don't know, and I just don't care.

This is why I'm leaving BCTS. For how long? I don't know. Maybe for good, maybe not.

Hatbox Funds Needed Soon


We have about $3000 in bills due before the end of the month and the HatBox has only about $600 in it, including the $300 or so received so far this month. So anything that anyone can send will help us pay our bills on time.

Next month, Amazon changes the way things work with their Payments interface and we hope to have our new version of the Hatbox up and running well before that. We think you are going to like it and it should make helping us pay our bills more pleasant and maybe even more fun. :)

Blog entry 7th May 2015- Election Special

Hi all!

With the general election taking place in Britain today, I thought it'd be a good creative exercise- and a bit of fun- to 'get under the skin' of my characters and see how they'd vote.

Jamie was 18 in 2010 but didn't vote, being unemployed, all but homeless and utterly directionless at the time. In 2015, however, she's very much a supporter of encouraging people who have fallen on hard times- just as she did- and utterly abhors right-wing social policies, so she'd vote LABOUR. Her parents, however, are very much Conservative voters.

Regarding Battle for Earth epubs and pdfs.

Well, those who've followed my stories for the last several years are probably aware that I often provide pdf and epub versions of my stories for folks to download here on bigcloset. Unfortunately, I won't be able to provide PDF documents this time around as the file sizes are much too large (bigcloset has a max file upload size of 2 mb). I could reduce them by producing inferior images or removing from the images from pdf altogether, but that's something I very am very keen on doing. If anyone is interested in a pdf download I am willing to send them a copy of the file.

An interview with Trans Comedianne Julia Scotti

Julia says some very interesting things about her life and her transition as well as being trans and open about it.

Catherine Linda Michel

A hard blog to write


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You know, doing this blog, I've noticed that some entries are easier for me to write than others. In today's case, its super hard, so please be kind.

I had a good conversation with my pastor Tuesday. First we talked a little about the meltdown I had at church two Sundays ago, then we talked about a number of subjects including my past, my present, and my hoped for future.

It was in regard to the last that she wanted to give me some ideas to think about, especially in two main areas of concern.

5 years, 12 months


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Well, according to my account feature, I've been here for "5 years 12 months", so I guess its happy anniversary to me?

I am very grateful I found this place. Its given me a chance to read good stories by great authors, to try my hand at writing myself, and to make some wonderful friends who I cherish.

My thanks to Erin, Piper, and all those who work behind the scenes to keep this place going.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose - Bruce Jenner and the Chevalier d'Eon

An article caught my eye that reminds me that someone has always been there before.

Whether it's Bruce Jenner or the Chevalier d'Eon matters not. Journalists will swarm like bees to honey ( I was going to type 'flies to..' but decided it wasn't polite).

New chapter of Debriefings posted

Firstly, I'd like to thank Jessica Nicole for her kind assistance with the dialogue in the scene from Brandon's German language class.

The next chapter of Whose Irish Eyes Be Smiling? is well under way for those of you who are still waiting for it. Also, I'm trying to make progress rewriting a few tales stolen along with my smartphone.

For those of you who wonder why this chapter took so long, I'm recovering from surgery on my right shoulder for a torn rotator cuff. My arm is now out of the sling and I'm slowly beginning to use it again.

Let it Go….


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Has anyone else actually listened to the lyrics for Disney's 'Let it go' and thought that it would make a great TG anthem?

As a silly competition idea does anyone have any other suggestions for an off the wall TG anthem ( e.g. Rodney Atkins "If you're goin' through Hell")?

P.S. First place will automatically go to Andrea as she does this all the time! :)

Exciting news - really friggin big


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For those who don't know, I'm fat. I mean really, really fat. I used to be fat when I was in high school, but I'm way beyond that now. When I won districts my senior year the newspaper read "slimmer heavyweight wins title". I thought the article was about someone else because I was at the high end of the weight class at 275lbs. But the article was about me and was littered with fat jokes and how I struggled keeping under 275. Oh, how I wish I weighed that now. Instead, I am 615lbs. God I wish that was a typo. But it is a fact of life.

Apologies for story.

For those of you that have read my recent submission of a Bikini Beach story. I want to apologize for it. Not for the story itself, but for the grammatical errors that are littered throughout the story. To be honest the story wasn't ready for prime time.

Even though I had caught some items before and even 'revised' it. It still does not meet certain standards and I rushed it. And for that I'm sorry.

Where did the time go?


Reading that Grace Lee Whitney who played yeoman Janice Rand in Star Trek just died I wondered about Uhura who was my first role model as an example that you could be different without being a doormat. Somehow since those days Nichelle Nichols who played the part has become 82 Where did the time go?




Years ago, I wore Suntan Garter style stockings and then they became unavailable. Recently I bought 6 pair from Stocking and wore the first set today, with my blue suit and 3" heels.

I don't like pantihose because the hips and waist are too tight and they are so hot that I get claustrophobic. Self stay ups, either don't stay up or make painful welts on my thighs.

breathing a sigh of relief


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Well, once again my anxiety was far greater than a situation required.

My landlord not only didn't comment on the name on my lease, he came down and helped me set up my mom's computer for her.

I continue to be amazed at the forbarance, tolerance, and grace I have received in this journey ...

Free Comic Book Day

Today is a fun and free Holiday to those that enjoy Graphic novels and Pictorial Books.

In other words it is "Free Comic Book Day"
How does this holiday work you ask?
It is easy you go to a comic or one of many hobby stores and ask for a copy of a Free pre-approved comic book.

Number of readers

I noticed a strange behaviour yesterday, the number of 'reads' for one of my stories differed from the total hit for the same story on the 'my stories' page.

This morning, Chapter 11 of Unaccounted Gains 3 has 491 reads on the front page and 699 in My Stories (the same number is shown within the story itself). So, why would the front page counter differ? I'm also pretty sure this is not related to my account having checked a few others.


facing serious anxiety


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Well, just when I thought I could start to relax after the stress of the move, I have a new anxiety to deal with.

See, my new landlord has given my mom and I a tenancy agreement form to fill out, and as it is a legal document, I'll have to put my legal name down, basically outing myself to him.

So I am trying really hard to not dwell on the possiblity of him freaking out over it, but I'm not succeeding all that well ...

Just stopping by to say hi


Hi everyone. I've been MIA for a while. Not sure if anyone noticed, but for those who have, I'm still around. Sometimes I just lurk in the shadows while sorting through some of life's challenges. All is well, and have overcome some hurdles in my absence. Drop by and say hi, let me know how all of you are doing, would love to catch up with some of you.

Love Megan.

Calling all Spoonies/Survivors

Is anyone here a "spoonie" or afflicted with things such as fibromyalgia or other conditions that cause chronic pain? I'm going to be seeing a pain management doctor soon, and I'm wondering what to expect.

Those of you who don't know what the "spoon theory" is, here is a link

A report on transgender female sex workers in China

This is a very interesting article, including a link to the full 79 page report about transgender women working in the sex industry in Shanghai and Beijing by a group called Asia Catalyst, which I found while poking about on the Guardian website. It appears that the Chinese generally are not very accepting of transgender people so treatment to transition and so on is not easily found, plus the establishment while not making it illegal is not very helpful either.

For Abuse Survivors


Though Focus on the Family may not be transgender friendly yet, they do give great advice on some areas of life. I make it a habit of listening to them every morning, even though they are off on some issues. I thought today' episode was quite good and without naming names, I thought it might help some people in the community.

This broadcast is about overcoming being a victim of molestation. It is only the first part, but I will piggyback the link for the second part tomorrow when it becomes available. I hope this helps some people.

Time for some fun !


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Okay, enough doom and gloom, time for something fun!

Dorothy Bellion presents ... Why Hollywood should make a movie of my life!

1: Hollywood loves Bio-pics - It's true. Some of the biggest movies in the last few years have been true stories about real people. So why not me?

2: Hollywood also loves underdog stories - People cant seem to get enough tales of people overcoming handicaps or tragedy to succeed, and my life has had a few tough moments, so I'm perfect for the movies!

I'm really struggling


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I am really struggling with the fact I am finding dudes attractive now. I think it would be hard enough with just the fact that I never found them interesting before my transition, but my past sexual abuse is making it much harder.

Not sure what to do, honestly.

On the nature of hate


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I will be the first to admit that I have a lot of pent up anger and hate. I have had a lifetime of resentment. Most people don't know the things that have happened to me, and I'm sure most, if not all, of you don't really care. Anger and hatred are quite valuable tools. They insulate you from a harsh and brutal world that seeks nothing more that to destroy you. It gives you the strength and resolve to soldier on through the quagmire that is everyday life.

Not a good idea to be transgender in Brazil


A link to the Daily Wail showing some graphic pictures of the brutal treatment of a transgender prisoner by Brazilian police, who have a reputation for being rather violent. Like all violence it seems pointless.

Hatbox Funds Needed


About a week left in the month and we are at about 70% for our goal for April.

Please, if you can contribute, use one of these links to send us a gift thru Amazon or thru P**P** on the Janglewood page.

We're going to have some great things happening in the next few months. :)

Thanks and hugs,
Erin, Piper, Cat, Katie and Sephrena

Why all the hate


I've been following some post on Bruce Jenner for quite some time, just watching and waiting and rarely adding anything to the conversation. I notice a lot of anger and hatred towards him (using the pronoun he referred to himself as) and I don't understand it. I thought the interview was quite good from the clips I've seen and am surprised no one has brought it up on the site. He was candid and honest and thought did a nice job explaining his journey. So why are there so many people out there that are looking to tear him down? I would really like it explained.

On another note

The worst kept secret

So Bruce Jenner has finally come out - whodathunkit, what a surprise - yawn!

I wish her no harm but honestly this family of z-listed celebrities could bore for the USA and get the gold medal every time.