Tamara's Début   Part Eleven   by Shiraz

 
Wednesday 26th November Continued
 

Tammy walked out of her room and stopped halfway down the stairs, gripping the handrail for security. Thomas was stood at the front door with Elsie and Richard just inside. The Professor walked in with his wife directly behind, one of the staff followed with their bags.

Professor Roberts was a small man but made up for that with a broad smile. Tammy instantly knew she would get along with him. Elsie introduced those present.

"Professor, I'm Elsie McPherson. It is so kind of you to agree to come at such short notice."

"Mrs McPherson, how could I refuse such an offer? I love the Highlands but I seldom escape from Glasgow."

"Please call me Elsie. This is Richard Smart, Tammy's father."

"Please to meet you, and please call me Julian." He placed emphasis on the last letter. "I'd like to introduce my wife, Wendy."

The introductions went round once more, as Tammy finally made her way down the stairs. She was dressed in the skirt her father had bought her the day before, paired with a blouse. Whilst changing, Tammy had looked into her wardrobe and knew she had to buy some more clothes, soon.

"Julian, I'd like to introduce my daughter, Tamara Smart, although she prefers Tammy."

"Enchantée Mademoiselle." He reached for Tammy's hand and kissed it, she blushed.

Elsie escorted them to the sitting room for tea but then suggested Julian and Tammy have a chat in the study. Richard rose to accompany Tammy but she waved him back down.

"Professor, thank you for coming to see me."

"Tammy, it's Julian and I don't mind at all. I'm a little confused, I wasn't expecting a genetic female. Please tell me you're not my patient."

Tammy giggled, "Of course I'm the reason you're here, isn't it obvious?"

"Not at all. How long have you been full-time?"

"Ten days."

"You jest."

"No, what you see is what you get."

That earned her a laugh.

"Now, I've had some background information from Dr Davison but I'd like to hear your story in your own words."

Tammy started to explain her long-held desire to be female, her experiences in the shop, the play, the wedding and the past few days, the Professor listened politely and diligently whilst she spoke, making notes. Tammy had been speaking for nearly ten minutes before she told him about the few negative reaction she'd received including her issues with John McPherson.

"Is he related to Elsie McPherson?"

"Yes, he's her eldest son."

"I take it he troubles you?"

"Yes, especially as I feel I'm not ready for exposure."

"If not now, when? Everyone in this house must know, including the staff. All the governors of your school as well, not to mention a few functionaries and health service personnel. You haven't exactly been in hiding."

"No, I suppose not, it's just the way he wants to get at me."

Tammy uncrossed then recrossed her legs, after smoothing her long skirt. Professor Roberts watched her mannerisms carefully. He posed the next question carefully.

"So, lets assume Tammy becomes a media spectacle because of this John and the whole town knows Tammy is a boy, but I bet virtually none of them will have known Tom Smart. You could return to school as Tom and return to anonymity?"

"No, I wouldn't do it, I couldn't do it."

"Why not?"

"I'm fed up living the lie. I know there will be problems ahead but I think I'm strong enough to deal with most of them. Right now I only have one real issue and he is actually being dealt with."

"You come across as very confident. If that's the hard shell, what about the soft centre?"

"It's there, please ask the rest of the people in this house. What I don't do is turn on the tears to order."

"So what are your aims?"

"Crystal ball time? Firstly I want to finish my education, then decide if I'm going to University or taking a gap year."

"No, what of your aim to be Tammy?"

"Those are Tammy's aims, I have no aim or aspiration to be Tammy, I am Tammy. Tom won't be doing those things, Tom left over a week ago."

"He didn't die then?"

"No, he left, but I have all of his memories; he is a part of the whole me, he just wasn't the true me."

Tammy was starting to cry gently now.

Sitting on the table in front of the Professor was an envelope marked for his attention. He had been so fixed on Tammy, who was now drying her eyes, that he hadn't spotted it until now. He opened the envelope and pulled out a few sheets of paper, with a brief covering note.

"Tammy, according to these blood results, your hormones are out of balance. I can see that you are due to see Helen Yates tomorrow and she will deal with the physical. However, I have to consider if all this is due simply to your body chemistry."

"No! No! No!" Tammy really was crying now. Julian went to the door and opened it, calling for Elsie to comfort her, he explained quickly that he had to get a genuine emotional response from her. As Elsie led the sobbing Tammy from the study, Julian asked Richard to speak to him in the same room.

"Richard, firstly I am struck with how natural Tammy appears."

"Yes, she has that effect on people."

"How long have you known about Tammy?"

"Just over a week, but I only met her on Sunday for the first time."

"You had no idea before?"

"I don't suppose I did, Tom was always quiet, almost withdrawn, but had an analytical mind that more than made up for his shyness. Looking back, however, I can see the signs are there."

"How did you take the change?"

"Tammy told me herself so I was prepared for what I found, someone had come along and replaced my quiet son with a vivacious young lady, my daughter. I'm just pleased that she's happy especially considering the divorce."

"Divorce?"

"Yes, I found out a week ago, we told Tammy on Monday."

"So she couldn't have known about this before she disposed of Tom as an identity?"

"No, and she dealt with her mother very effectively a few days ago. How her mother will cope with having a daughter is another matter but I'll protect Tammy to the best of my abilities. I'm not sure about your use of the word 'disposed', you make it sound like concrete boots in Loch Ness. I prefer to think it as metamorphosis, from the caterpillar to the butterfly."

"Very elegant Richard. Thank you."

They both walked to the sitting room where Julian apologised to Tammy. Wendy, not being used to meeting her husband's patients, chastised him for upsetting 'this poor girl'.

"Mrs Roberts, it's not a problem. Your husband just asked me a very difficult question and I couldn't help myself. He was a perfect gentleman."

"Tammy, I'm relieved, you just don't know how much trouble he would be in otherwise. Please call me Wendy."

Wendy was interested in Tammy's experience in the boutique and Tammy in turn suggested some styles and colours that might work, which Wendy hadn't tried before. Elsie chipped in and the three were talking at such a rate that Julian and Richard slid to the far side of the room.

"Richard, if I didn't know?"

"Julian, my take exactly."

"There are some questions with the bloodwork, but she's seeing Helen Yates tomorrow and I really don't think it's an underlying cause, nor a side effect, merely an adjunct. I will of course, defer to those with greater knowledge in that field than myself, and Helen is one of the best."

Thomas appeared at six o'clock and called them to dinner. The dinner table banter was lively with Michael and Alison joining them after a few minutes. At six thirty the phone rang, Elsie excused herself from the table, returning a couple of minutes later. She walked up to Tammy and whispered in her ear.

"The theatre just called. They asked if you could get there this evening as they haven't seen you for a week. I explained that you'd just recovered from the 'flu but Mr Brown was quite insistent."

"That's okay, I'll go and see them. I'll need transport though."

Richard overhead part of the conversation and offered to take her to the theatre. Wendy, hearing Richard asked if she could go as well. Tammy wasn't quite sure what to make of it, after all she'd been there on her own up till now. her father was now organising the transport and Tammy just felt she was being carried along. This time though, it didn’t matter.

She ran upstairs to tidy her make-up and pull on a cardigan, back downstairs her father held a coat open for her. A few minutes later the two of them, plus Wendy Roberts were on their way into town. Wendy explained that she always had a soft spot for community theatre.

Fifteen minutes later, just on seven o'clock they pulled into the car-park and walked into The Mill Theatre. Tammy was welcomed by Iain Brown, the Director, and then introduced him to her father. Wendy was introduced as a house guest, Tammy asked if they could observe the rehearsal as her father was providing her transport. Iain agreed, so long as they kept quiet.

The main cast was brought together. "Everyone, I'm glad you could all finally make it tonight. Please be here fifteen minutes earlier so we can make a prompt start. When we start costume rehearsals you will need that fifteen minutes so get used to it now."

There were mutterings about missing dinners but no real dissent. "I hope you all had time to read your scripts, you not only need to know your own lines, you need to know everyone else's. How else will you know when to speak?"

There was a chuckle from a few of the cast, then they got down to the serious business. Iain had them do a walk through from the top, less the songs. He insisted they did it in character and, as far as possible, without scripts. Only Tammy and the girl playing Maria had completely committed the script to memory, putting much of the cast to shame.

They took a break after an hour. 'Maria' walked over. Tanya felt she knew Tammy but couldn't place her.

"Hi, I'm Tanya. We didn't get a chance to speak last week and the director said you weren't well on Friday."

"Hi Tanya, I'm Tammy. Have I seen you in town?"

"Maybe, I work in the bakery on a Saturday."

"I come in to buy our cakes for Sarah's Boutique every Saturday morning."

"That'll be where I know you."

"Girls?" That came from Sandy Franklin, the musical director, "can you come over here please."

They did a run through with a couple of songs while the rest of the cast rehearsed the gang scenes. By nine they were pushed but Iain wanted the first two scenes repeated with the whole cast. Tammy saw John Hibbert looking in her direction a few times but maybe he was too scared to say anything to her face. They finally got out at nine thirty.

It was cold when they made their way across the carpark, nobody said anything until Richard had pulled the car across the bridge and onto the A9.

"You're going to have a great production, for a small theatre."

"Thanks Wendy." Tammy was tired and not up for long conversations.

"Seriously, I'm going to have to come back for the show."

"I'm certain that can be arranged, Wendy." Richard spoke as he dropped a gear to take on the long hill.

They arrived at the house a little over ten minutes later, Richard dropped Tammy and Wendy at the front door then went towards the stables to park. There weren't any horses in the stables any more, none of Elsie's three offspring had shown much interest.

Tammy asked for a hot chocolate and went straight to her room. She was asleep before the mug arrived outside her door, the member of staff, not getting a response, returned to the kitchen.

Julian had been working in the study whilst the others had been at the theatre. He now had his preliminary report typed and saved. He knew that there was little male persona in Tammy but he felt he could not make a definitive decision that she was transgendered after just the one session. His report would reflect this and he left a sealed copy for Tammy with her father, whom he found in the sitting room.

"Richard, I'm afraid that I can't give you a copy of my report. Whilst Tammy is your daughter, she is over eighteen, it has to be her own decision whether you see it."

"Julian, I fully understand and I would probably have issues if it were any other way."

"Thank you, in my profession ethics are paramount. If you don't mind me asking, what is your profession?"

"I'm the international director for a major bank, although I'm starting to question that career. I haven't been as good a father as I could for Tammy, or Tommy before, and I want to make amends."

"I think anyone in Tammy's position would appreciate a parent who cares so much. Too many families walk away from transgendered individuals and leave them without emotional support when they need it the most, abuse can easily follow whether it is from a third party or self-induced."

"I'm plainly new to this but Tammy is all I have right now, although perhaps I'm being a little selfish in that regard. I will do anything in my power to protect her."

"Including legal action?"

"Yes."

"She has to be aware of the real world, it can be a challenge for any teenager, especially someone in Tammy's position."

"She has worked with me at the bank and is aware that life is not always fair, but she doesn't have enough experience in the real world due to so many years in boarding school, again that's my fault. What she doesn't need, however, is bigots like John McPherson. She will have a tough time going back to school but she has to do that herself, I'm not going to be in the school every day, although I doubt I'll be far away."

"If you don't mind, I'm going up to bed. Wendy went up a short while ago."

"Good night Julian, and thank you."

"My pleasure."

Elsie had been sat the far side of the sitting room during this exchange and was smiling to herself from behind a novel.
 
 
Thursday 27th November
 
Thursday morning was a rush. Alison had packed her bag before breakfast and was waiting at the front door by eight thirty as the helicopter touched down beside the house. Julian and Wendy Roberts came down from their bedroom and met Tammy in the hallway. Tammy was holding her copy of the report but hadn't opened it as yet.

"Tammy, I'd like to see you again in two weeks, can you come to Glasgow and see me in my rooms there? I'll have my secretary contact you with the details."

"I'll assume for the moment I won't be back at school by then so it wouldn't be a problem."

"If you are back at school let my secretary know and I'll write to your headmaster."

"Thank you."

Julian shook Tammy's hand and Wendy gave her a kiss on the cheek. Alison was the next in line, giving Tammy a hug and a kiss on both cheeks.

"Tammy, I wish I could stay but I have to get back, if only to see what mess Andrea has made of our flat!"

"Alison, you have been wonderful to me. I'm going to miss you." Tammy started crying, Alison wrapped her arms around Tammy and whispered in her ear.

"Tammy, I'll call you later so you can tell me about your hospital appointment, but will you do one thing for me?"

"What?"

"Stop crying so you don't have to redo your mascara." That had the desired effect as Tammy giggled.

One more kiss then Alison followed the Roberts out of the door, turning to wave as she walked out onto the steps. Richard had been watching from a discrete distance and now walked up to Tammy.

"Do you want to read that letter before we go to the hospital?"

"Yes, can I use the study?"

"Of course, although it's not me you should be asking."

Tammy pushed the door open and found the room clear. She sat at the desk and opened the envelope carefully, pulling the single sheet out. One of Professor Robert's business cards dropped out at the same time. Tammy read through quickly then went back to the start to digest the letter fully.

Private and Confidential
 
To Whom it may concern
 
Tamara Smart 01.09.1996
 
I examined Miss Tamara Smart on the 25th of November 2014. She explained that she had been living full-time as a female for eleven days prior to this first session and that she had changed her name by Statutory Declaration three days later. She also told me of long-felt aspiration to be female but her schooling, a private boys' boarding school, had until now prevented this.
 
Her decision to become Tamara (Tammy) fulltime appears to have been an accident or at the least the result of an odd set of circumstances precipitated by a close friend and a temporary closure of her school. The few days that followed appear to have sealed her decision to forgo her previous male existence.
 
I was struck by Tammy's confidence from the moment I met her, this is very unusual in someone who has only recently fully adopted their female persona and it is this confidence that gives me some cause for concern. Any overconfidence is tempered, however, with a vulnerability that should keep her from making rash decisions.
 
I support Dr Jill Davison's view that it would be damaging to Tammy's mental health if she were forced to revert to a male persona, not withstanding the unstated requirement that she would have to undertake another Statutory Declaration to change her name. As such I fully agree that she should continue her schooling as a female.
 
I am minded to accept that Tammy is transgendered but I feel it is too soon for a full, formal, diagnosis. I will be seeing her again in two weeks.
 
Yours faithfully
 
Professor J Roberts

Tammy started to cry for the second time that morning, she felt she was one step closer to full legal acceptance. She walked to the door, dabbing her eyes with a tissue, this time her mascara had run. She called her father into the study, handing him the letter as he walked in. The pair sat in the armchairs and Richard read the brief report, knowing that the Professor's own notes would be much more detailed.

"Tammy, I know that this letter doesn't give you the legal protection that will help you move things forward, but every letter of support is added ammunition. There's a governor's meeting tomorrow morning, we need to draft something for them but I want to know if you're happy for them to see this letter?"

"Yes, they need to see it. I need to take a copy to the hospital too, for Jill."

"What's happened to your appointment with her?"

"I don't know."

"We'll find out when we get to the hospital, be ready to leave at nine thirty."

"Okay, I'll make a couple of copies of this letter. Can we stop in the town when we've finished at the hospital, I want to get a folder and some plastic wallets, I have a feeling there'll be quite a few more letters."

"Sensible approach, as ever."

"When are we going to tell mum?" Tammy's positive expression changed suddenly as she asked the question.

"Why don't we wait until you've seen Drs Yates and Davison, we'll have a better idea. I get the feeling it might be better to write to her first and let her make the next move. That way we can control what she sees and can't argue about the content."

"Now it's your turn to be sensible." They both started laughing, applying a business approach to a set of personal circumstances was typical of Richard, but he had a soft side too. This time however, he needed to deal with Tara very carefully and an argument on the phone was not an approach that would be advisable.

Tammy went up to her room and ordered a coffee. She started drafting a letter to the governors, then deleted the file, unhappy with the way it sounded. Now was not a good time to try and put anything on paper, she could wait until later in the day. She accessed her emails for the first time in several days and deleted the spam. She realised that her current email address was for Tom but she needed an account for Tammy. She accessed Gmail and created a new address, she'd talk to her father later about a new address on the family domain name, which he controlled. She wondered, as an aside, how long her mum would be able to use her own existing email address.

One email was from John Hibbert, sent late the previous evening.

Tom,
 
I'm hearing some strange rumours about you and I want to know you're alright. We've been friends since the first day many years ago and I want you to know you can confide in me. By the way, are you still in Thurso?
 
Anyway, I saw that girl at the theatre tonight but didn't get to speak to her, no sign of you though. Hope you're getting better.
 
John

Tammy sighed, she knew that it would probably come to this. She had known John Hibbert for a long time, but John had known Tom not Tammy, now he'd have to meet Tammy.

John,
 
I'm not sure what the rumours are but many things are happening in my life right now, including my parents divorcing. I'm over the flu but my GP in the town has signed me off until next week. I have a couple of appointments at The Dunbar hospital this morning when I should know a bit more about my health. It's not contagious by the way, at least I don't think so!
 
Yes I am still in Thurso, or just outside, I'm staying with one of my father's friends and her family. I'll see you on Friday night, I promise, then we can talk.
 
Cheers, T.

Tammy couldn't sign herself as Tom but didn't think it was right to sign it as Tammy either, not yet. She'd have to come clean to John Hibbert the following night at the theatre, it wasn't fair on him otherwise. At least that would be after the governors' meeting which would decide Tammy's future at the school, she presumed.

She heard a ping and saw a reply from John, he obviously must have been working on his PC.

Tom,
 
sorry to hear about your folks, you don't need that at the same time as health problems. I'll see you tomorrow.
 
John

Tammy went to her bathroom and cleaned off her make-up, re-applying the minimum she was comfortable with, understatement being the order of the day.

She was back downstairs a few minutes after the specified time, fashionably late.

"Tammy, I said nine thirty, what have you been doing?"

"Just getting ready."

"Have you remembered the letter?"

That sent Tammy running back up the stairs to retrieve a copy from the writing table. Richard, meanwhile went out to the car to find a thick frost, he cursed himself for not checking earlier. It was nearly ten minutes later when they pulled out of the driveway.

It was ten o'clock when they pulled into the car-park at The Dunbar Hospital, some distance from the out patients department. They were now late, Richard remembered that Tom had never been late for anything.

Of course, hospitals are always the same. Even if you're late for the appointment, you still have to wait for ten minutes before being called in. Tammy was starting to shuffle her feet, mostly to maintain circulation in the draughty waiting room, the call from the examining room doorway caught her unaware. Richard grabbed his daughters hand and pulled her across to the door.

"Tammy, do you want me to come in with you?"

"Yes please dad."

Dr Yates welcomed them and asked the pair to sit down at her desk. Tammy introduced her father.

"Miss Smart, Mr Smart, thank you for seeing me at such short notice. I was however originally expecting a Tom Smart but fortunately Dr Hoskins sent a note on Tuesday explaining some changes in your life."

Tammy looked at her father before speaking, "Dr Yates, I understand that you arranged this referral at short notice but can you please tell us what is going on, and what your speciality is."

"Can I answer those in reverse order? I am an Endocrinologist, that is to say that I specialise in hormones. You are here because of the blood taken from you on Sunday showed unusual hormone levels for an eighteen year old male."

Tammy cringed when she heard the last word. Richard picked up the conversation, "such as?"

"Tammy's testosterone and oestrogen levels are both well below what is normal for either male or female late teens."

"So what am I?"

"According to Dr Hoskins your body is male, at least on the outside. However, you do not appear to have been through puberty as yet. We have several options available but I'd like to know more about your current status."

"I have copies of two letters with me, one from Dr Jill Davison of this hospital and one from Professor Julian Roberts of Glasgow Royal Infirmary," she handed over the letters.

Dr Yates quickly read them both, "I see. Initially I thought I would simply be dealing with a hormone issue but can now see that a referral from Professor Roberts would not have been far away, he sends his Caithness area transgender referrals to me for monitoring."

"So what can you do for me now?"

"Normally I would give you a course of testosterone to kick-start male puberty but I can see you would not accept that."

"That's correct."

"My alternative would be to give you a course of oestrogen, but I can't give that to a male patient normally without a formal diagnosis of gender dysphoria."

"You say normally?"

"Yes, but right now I can't take either option without a definitive recommendation from Professor Roberts. When are you due to see him next?"

"Two weeks."

"That delay won't be an immediate problem but I need to act within three months, preferrably one."

"Why?"

"Your hormone levels are too low for your general health and skeletal development. You could have brittle bones if this is left untreated."

"So what can we do?"

"I will write to Professor Roberts and explain my dilemma, but in the meantime I want a CT scan done of your abdomen, I would have already arranged for you to have that done here, today, but there still isn't a scanner on site, despite multiple promises by the Hospital Trust. I've asked for an urgent referral to another unit for the scan instead. I'll see you here again in three weeks, by which time I'll have some more answers."

They shook and walked out into the waiting area, unsure what to do next. Jill was waiting for them and pulled them straight into a side room.

"Tammy, Dr Yates told me in advance what she would say this morning and I wanted to be here for you."

"Dr Davison, I'd like to thank you for your consideration, as you can see Tammy is a little confused and upset."

"Mr Smart, I fully understand. I feel talking through the issue will help, I'd also like Tammy's take on her meeting with Julian Roberts."

Tammy sat down on an sofa with her father, across from Jill Davison. She dabbed damp eyes with a tissue, regaining full composure after a short delay. Both Jill and Richard waited for her, Tammy decided to take control and handed Jill a copy of Professor Roberts' letter, telling her to keep the copy.

"I'm disappointed that he wouldn't give me a full diagnosis but I understand that he cannot do that after one meeting."

"Yes, but from what he's written I believe he's already made up his mind, it's just that he has to follow the correct procedure. The issue is that he would have to justify himself to peer review by another consultant, without you being present. His notes therefore have to cover several meetings with you before he can make any diagnosis."

"So it's a case of self-preservation rather than helping me?"

"No, it is a case of protecting you from rash decisions, both by yourself and your consultant."

"So, how long?"

"Tammy, I don't know, it's out of my hands. I could give you a guess and be badly wrong."

"That doesn't help."

"I know, but you could ask Julian Roberts that question when you next see him. Now, what about your ten minutes with Helen Yates?"

"Two days ago I didn't know there was a problem with my blood, now I might have brittle bones."

"That's not what she said, and there's time to treat the condition. The issue is how it's treated and that depends on Julian Roberts. These are separate issues that are joined at the hip."

Richard, who had been listening quietly now raised an issue that had escaped them.

"What about Tammy returning to school? Can you support her given a potential conflict of interest, what with your father being the Chair on the board of governors?"

"Mr Smart, my professional code of ethics prevents my father from having any involvement in my work, I have to deal with my cases, my patients, at an objective level, to the best of my abilities. My father has to consider his own position, I can't advise him regarding his own ethics."

There was little more they could discuss. Richard and Tammy knew the governors' meeting the following morning was critical, with all the best medical advice available it was still possible for emotion to take over. As they were leaving the waiting area, Tammy was called over to the desk to speak to a female receptionist.

"Miss Smart? You have an appointment to see Dr Yates here in three weeks at nine AM. We've also booked a CT scan at Wick General Hospital tomorrow morning at ten. Can you make that?"

"I think so, dad?"

"We'll get you there."

"I'll write to confirm your appointments here, Dr Davison will see you next week according to your record. Can you confirm your address? We have it as St Andrews School, and that's a boys' school." Plainly she hadn't looked at the gender box on her screen. Richard gave her the address of the McPherson house and they walked out to the car.

Her father resolved to sort out a few issues in his own life before too long, the divorce being one of them. Perhaps it was also time for Tammy to have driving lessons, though previously not a priority, and logistically difficult.