The rest of the week goes by quickly and Christi and I hang out at the mall some on the weekend. We also spend some time at her house. It is all about trying on different things. My breasts have finally quit growing—I am a largish C-cup. I am also a perfect size two—with all the curves that go with it. I have grown a couple of inches, so I am now a ‘regular’, almost a ‘tall’, rather than a ‘short’.

I spend a lot of time talking to Christi about how her desires had influenced mine. I also talk to Mom a lot. Sessions with Joy have sort of stalled—until I am clearer about what I want. I also spend a lot of time just meditating and reflecting on my own. I even try going to yoga with Joy—how that is supposed to help you relax, I have no idea…

Finally, on Monday, I think I know what I want to tell Joy. I just am not sure that she will accept my decision…

Terri comes in, right on time, and I can tell that she is both relieved and worried. I set out our pot of tea, pour us both a cup, and sit down to await what she has to say. She is quiet for quite some time, then begins, “Joy, I think I have come to a decision.” I look at her and smile—I don’t say anything and just wait. She continues, “I…I…I want to stay looking like a girl…but I don’t want to be a girl…at least not yet. I have come to like myself the way I am right now over the past several days, but…I don’t think I want to take that full step into womanhood… Is…is…is that OK?”

I smile and go give her a hug. I just hold her a bit and then say, “Of course it is OK. It is your body; your life. But—we are going to have to do another session to stabilize your streams. You are in sort of a limbo right now and M.S. is worried. Are you ready to go through with a session? She can be here in a few minutes? Are you really at peace with yourself—internally, I mean?” She nods and I ask Shauna to call M.S. and have her come over.

About half an hour later, I am laying on the couch again. M.S. has her hands on—and so does Joy. M.S. is explaining something to Joy about my ‘streams’ and Joy is nodding. Then M.S. says, “OK, Joy. Just a small trickle—it won’t take much at this stage…”

I feel warmth-starting where Joy’s hands are, then radiating throughout my body. It tingles a bit—then…it is over. M.S. keeps her hands on me and Joy is giving me that far-away look that I have leaned means that she is ‘scanning’ me. M.S. says, “Oh my. That is interesting.” Joy asks, “What does it mean, though?”

M.S. and Joy go into the conference room and shut the door behind them—leaving me alone in the room on the couch. After a few minutes, they come back out and Joy says, “Well, Terri. You are stabilized. But not in the manner that neither M.S. or I would have guessed—nor in a way either of us has ever seen. It is remarkable that it happened so quickly; that is an indicator that you really are OK with this…development.”

She pauses, then continues, “Remember I told you that you had developed sort of a ‘mixed’ gender stream, but that there were still smaller female and male streams intertwined—like they didn’t know where to go? Well, that mixed stream, the purple one, is all that you have now… For all intents and purposes, from a gender standpoint, you are neither male nor female—although it is a really pinkish purple; so you lean heavily towards the feminine side. Your sex streams are what are really interesting, though. Yes, I said streams… You have both a male and female sex stream. Both are completely intertwined, like a strand of twisted rope… Like your gender, you are now both male and female, physically—in other words, you are a fully functioning hermaphrodite. I really can’t tell you how your…body…well, your…genitals…will change to reflect that. But it seems that this is all in harmony with how your psyche…”

I look at them…and grin. I say, “I am both male and female… That is so awesome! That is perfect! I mean it is weird and I don’t know how I will explain it…”

M.S. speaks up, “Terri, there is a doctor that I know that should become your doctor. She understands a thing or two about streams and channels…and what they can do… Most doctors would see this a problem that needs to be fixed… Now, you just have to sort out what you are going to do about school. From what my scans show, you will completely retain your feminine looks…maybe even develop them further…”

Joy speaks up and says, “You can always go to a different school. One where you are not known…” I shake my head and say, “No. Christi is at my school now. I will just have to tough it out. I don’t care what others say, now. I am comfortable with myself. Also, my school has a great fashion-feeder program. I think I want to get into fashion school and design ‘feminine’ clothing…for men. It is about time that someone takes that on!”

A week later:
Case log – Terri Kinsley. Final Entry:
M.S. has put Terri in touch with Dr. Recht. She will closely monitor Terri’s development as a hermaphrodite and let us know if there is something that I will need to intervene on, health wise. She is fully aware that this is what Terri wants.

Case 1 – Closed