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Image Credit: Picture from PublicDomainPictures.net. Free for commercial and personal use with restriction. Girl in Red.

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Chapter 11 Learning how to become Becky
 

In retrospect I can now see that the next three to four weeks in my job — during October 2009 — were the most exhilarating period in my life, as I gradually acquired the skills and competencies to become a successful female impersonator. It was not just a question of learning how to wear the clothes, put on make-up and look after my hair, although these were important, but also a hundred other small details. I gradually learned how to adopt a female walk, both out in the street when wearing low heels and also in the club with my high heels and tight skirt. I learned how to speak as a young woman would, to gesture with my hands, and use other aspects of my body language to express whom I wanted to be. After a while these came almost naturally to me.

I also gained the confidence to make appropriate eye contact, and not be afraid that someone was going to challenge me in the street. At the club I learned how to interact with others as a young woman; both guys and other girls. None of this came all at once, but after almost every day I was aware that I’d made some progress. The work was not always easy, as the club could get quite hectic at weekends, and there were times when my calf muscles ached through having to wear those high heels, but I always enjoyed getting myself ready to go in to work, looking good and dealing with the customers. However, I can see that, in my enthusiasm for describing this period, I am tending to run ahead with my story, and so perhaps I should return to my chronological account.

~o~O~o~

My first two days in the job were something of an induction period when I was introduced to my duties and my new colleagues. It was a little bit nerve-wracking to begin with, but I survived. I felt as if I was under scrutiny by just about everybody: my bosses, my new colleagues behind the bar, and even the customers. I therefore went to some trouble over my appearance and checked up on how I was looking from time to time. I also went out of my way to demonstrate that I was prepared to put in some effort and they were right to have confidence in me. However, as time went on I just slotted in as one of the team.

Jack didn’t really say much when I arrived on Monday evening other than to welcome me to the club and hand me over to the bar manager to go through my duties with me. Randi later commented that I looked very smart in my new uniform and had done my make-up well for a beginner, which I suppose was a mark of approval but she always looked so glamorous when she was dressed up and exuded confidence in her appearance. Joe, the bar manager, informed me that my normal working week would be from Friday night until the following Tuesday night giving me every Wednesday and Thursday off. This suited fine as Thursday was the one evening in the week when Carol would usually get home early. (I now realised that her guy had some regular commitment with his wife and kids on that day.) Otherwise we would barely have had any chance to see one another, apart from lunchtime on Sundays, as one or other of us would be asleep whenever we were in the flat together.

Carol had left me a note when I woke up at lunch time on that first Tuesday, inviting me to ring her at work and let her know how things had gone. I did so, but only after I was dressed, had put on some make-up and had sorted out my hair, as I was beginning to discover that the way I looked affected my feelings of self-confidence and how I dealt with people. It had taken me two hours to get myself ready and put on my make-up on that first occasion, but I managed to reduce this to half an hour within a week. Carol was mainly concerned about how I would get back to Willesden in the early hours of the morning.

‘That isn’t going to be a problem, the club has a contract with a local mini-cab firm to take their staff home as there is no public transport at that time of night. I’m told that the drivers are all pretty friendly but know who we are and so don’t try anything on,’ I replied.

‘That’s a relief I wouldn’t want you travelling home on your own in the early hours of the morning.’

‘Me neither,’ I replied.

‘What about your journey into work?’

‘I have to say I found that commuting in to Central London a little difficult, although at least I won’t be travelling in during the rush-hour. I didn’t mind the walk from the flat to the tube station, but waiting on the platform and sitting on the train was quite stressful. I was conscious of people looking at me - especially young guys.’

‘Don’t worry; they’re probably just fancying their chances with you. Just ignore them, or try to develop a withering look. If necessary you can always tell them to get lost,’ she said.

‘I suppose I’ll just have to get used to it or learn how to handle guys, but it can be a little intimidating.’

‘Wearing an engagement ring might help to discourage some, although a few guys would regard that as a challenge. If you like I’ll loan you one of my rings that could serve that purpose.’

‘Alright, if it fits me.’

‘I should think so, you always have had slender hands. Also, try and give yourself something to do on the journey. Take some of my magazines with you on the train, or use the time to check up on your make-up, that way you don’t need to make eye-contact with any young male commuters, if you don’t want to.’

‘Thanks for the tips.’

‘Well I need to look out for my little sister.’

~o~O~o~

I also spoke briefly on the phone to Lucy, who invited me to come round and tell her how I got on when I was free on Wednesday evening.

‘If you’re sure that you can spare the time.’

‘Of course I can spare some time for a chat with my new girl cousin.’

We arranged for me to come at 6.30 but that I wouldn’t stay too late as Lucy had an essay to write and I wanted to see Carol when she got home about 9.30. I discovered that I would only just have enough clothes if I kept on top of my laundry. The club provided me with a spare blouse and skirt, and I managed alright with the limited range of outfits available when I wasn’t working. However, any other social occasions might leave me with nothing to wear if I was not careful. I therefore spent most of the afternoon wearing a pair of Nick’s jeans and a t-shirt, although I managed to get the dress that my cousin had loaned me washed, dried and ironed in time so I could put it on when I went to see her.

By this time I was in a position to give her an account of my serving the customers for the first time.

‘Fortunately the club wasn’t too busy last night and so I tried out a certain amount of chatting to the female customers, and even a little flirting with the guys. They know perfectly well my true sex.

‘So that is all you have to do all evening, chat and flirt with the customers?’

‘No, of course not; there’s plenty to do and I want to show my three colleagues that I’ll work hard and pull my weight.

‘What are your colleagues like?’

‘There’s Angie and Zoe, who are friendly and personable. Perhaps they are not entirely convincing as women but they are both good at their jobs, all the same. They are good with the customers, and the nicer you are to them the more tips you make.’

‘You mentioned a third colleague?’

‘Yes, Angie and Zoe are guys, like Randi, who only dress as women for their work, but there is also Susie who lives full-time as a girl and has been taking hormones for nearly two years now. She doesn’t have the same extravert personality as the others, but seems to be very nice all the same. She prefers to tone down her make-up but looks the part and her boobs are entirely her own. She’s saving up for surgery.’

‘So where do you come between those two extremes?’ Lucy asked.

This was a question I was unsure how to answer.

‘I’ve really no idea, Lucy; I’m just finding my way at present. For the time being I’m just concentrating on improving my general presentation; I’ll worry about the future later. I’m finding it quite hard work consciously trying to adopt feminine mannerisms and body language at the same time as taking on a new job.’

‘They’ll come in time; don’t try to do too much at once.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘But you are quite enjoying life as a girl then,’ she said.

‘Yes, for most of the time, although there seems to be so much to remember.

‘Remember that you do have six weeks to prove yourself so don’t be in too much of a hurry.

We then changed the subject and talked about Lucy and what she’d been doing. In particular, she told me about the latest developments with her new boyfriend, Andy, whom she’d met at the Drag Debutante competition. Things seemed to be going fairly well between them and I was pleased for her sake although, if it worked out, it would inevitably mean that she would have less free time to spend with me. Also, it was clear that she had a couple more assignments to submit over the next couple of weeks, and so I was unlikely to see much of her until mid-November. However, she professed herself anxious to keep track of my progress and so we promised one another that we’d keep in touch by phone and make time to have at least one coffee together each week.

~o~O~o~

In fact I didn’t get to see Carol when I returned to the flat after seeing Lucy, and I now realised why she could not always predict when she would be free (except for Thursday evenings). Apart from our brief telephone conversation, we’d not spoken to one another since the previous Sunday. Although on the surface Carol now appeared supportive of me, or at least willing to go along with our agreement, I realised that she was still not entirely sure about the wisdom of what I was doing. I was anxious to see her, face to face, and reassure her that all was well. I therefore left her a note on the kitchen table.
 

Hi Carol, I’ve been to see Lucy this evening, but am now gone to bed. I’m going to be off work again tomorrow, and will clean up the flat as usual. I’ll be doing some more of my own laundry so do you want me to do yours as well? Will you be home on Thursday night for a chat, if I cook us both something? Love from your sister, Becky. xx

 
When I got up the next morning she’d already left for work but had endorsed my note.
 
 

Thanks, Becky! You’ll find my laundry in my bedroom. I should be home around 6-30-7.00pm tonight and am looking forward to that chat. Love, Carol.

 
 
Inevitably Carol wanted to know more about my first two days at work and I told her much the same as Lucy. She complimented me on my cooking and the state of the flat.

‘I must say that it is nice to come home to a tidy flat and a nice meal,’ she said, ‘I could get used to this.’

‘You’re very welcome. As soon as I receive my first pay cheque I’ll start to pay you some rent.’

‘No, don’t worry about that for the time being, You’ll need to get yourself established first and we don’t know whether this job will be over by Christmas.’

‘In that case I’ll be happy to do your housework and laundry in lieu of rent.’

‘Alright, it’s a deal, and Thursday can be the night that I stay in and get to know my sister.’

‘So you are now thinking of me as your sister?’ I asked.

She thought for a moment.

‘I’m doing my best, Becky, and in a little time I believe I will do so without having to think about it,’ she replied.

I think it was the best answer I might have hoped for in the circumstances.

~o~O~o~

After those first few days at work I found that I began to be accepted by my colleagues and there developed a degree of friendly banter between us and occasional offers of advice on aspects of my presentation, how to deal with my false breasts and other issues that novice female impersonators might have to contend with. I also had to buy myself some new tights from time to time, but was able to do so out of my share of the tips, which were divided between the bar staff and waitresses. I was pleasantly surprised to find that tips were going to make a useful supplement to my wages.

I saw little of my sister and nothing of my cousin after that first week other than at the times we’d set aside to have a meal or a coffee together. We were all three pretty busy in our different ways and so tended to communicate by phone or text message. Inevitably some of their first questions to me would be how I was getting on at work and how I was finding life as a girl. I would always answer them, but usually tried to steer the conversation on to other matters as I wanted to be treated as a person rather than a sociological experiment. Sometimes this was easier said than done.

Although I was having a great time as Becky, there were a number of things on my mind. I enjoyed working as a barmaid, and seemed to be getting on alright but I’d no idea what I might do when it came to this proposed floor show that was being planned. The more I saw of the other performers the more I became sure that I wouldn’t be any good. I didn’t say anything to Jack or Randi though, as the trial was at least letting me spend time as Becky. I was however anxious that they would probably let me go as soon as they discovered that I had so little performing talent.

Another worry was how to deal with Mum when I spoke to her on Sunday afternoons. By the second week I was beginning to slot so comfortably into my role as a girl that I was frightened that I might say something to give myself away. As a precaution I put on some of Nick’s clothes before we spoke to remind myself that it was him rather than Becky who was speaking. This technique was successful but I found the whole procedure a little bit distasteful.

This led me on to my final frustration; Becky’s rather limited wardrobe, especially when compared to that of my sister and colleagues. As I may have mentioned, I had enough clothes to get by, if I was careful, but was beginning to get a little fed up with wearing the same things all the time. I had some money in my savings account, given to me for my eighteenth birthday by Mum, and I toyed with the idea of buying myself another outfit, but knew that Carol wouldn’t approve and Lucy was too busy to go shopping with me so I decided to make do until I received my first pay cheque at the end of the month.

~o~O~o~

Lucy had been pre-occupied with college work and her new boyfriend for much of October but rang me from time to time to see how things were going. We had coffee together on the Wednesday afternoon of my fourth week as she had no lectures and had just submitted an essay for her coursework.

‘So are things still going well, Becky?’

‘Yes, I think so. I’m even beginning to enjoy myself now that I've had a little more experience and am becoming more competent.’

‘I was talking to Randi yesterday; she said that you were doing fine and quite a favourite with some of the customers.’

I was glad that we were talking on the phone and she couldn’t see me blushing.

‘That’s nice of her to say so. I must admit that I quite like it when guys hold doors open for me, or chat me up at work.’

Lucy laughed.

‘Has anyone asked you out yet?’

‘Yes, I’ve had a few offers, but I’ve turned them all down.’

‘Haven’t you been tempted to accept?’ she asked.

‘Not so far, and in any event, whatever would I wear if I went out on a date?’

‘I’m sure that Carol or I could loan you something suitable, if necessary.’

‘No, you’ve both been kind enough to me as it is, and I don’t want to add further complications to my life for the time being. However, I am soon going to need to buy myself a few clothes as I find I’m constantly having to wash those that I do wear. I’ll be receiving my first pay cheque this week end, would it be possible for me to go shopping with you sometime so you can offer me some advice?’

‘Yes of course. I should have caught up with my college work by next week so we could go to Oxford Street next Wednesday afternoon if you like.’

‘Thank you; that would be great.’

‘I’ll call you on Sunday afternoon so that we can finalise the details.

~o~O~o~

I mentioned that Lucy and I might be going shopping together during the following week to Carol when I next saw her.

‘You must be nearly mid-way through your trial period by now,’ she said. ‘Wouldn’t it be better to wait until you knew what was going to happen at the end?’

‘Perhaps, but I‘m getting fed up with wearing the same clothes all the time.’

‘Do you know if they are likely to want to keep you on once your trial is over?’

‘I’ve no idea. I think I have been doing alright as a barmaid but nobody has said anything more to me about this new floor show they are supposed to be planning. There will always be work for hostesses or behind the bar at the club, but those jobs are quite sought after.’

‘When do you expect to hear?’

‘My name appears on the bar rota until the end of October, they will need to post a rota for November when I go in to work next week.’

‘Have you thought about what you are going to say to Mum yet?’

‘No, I am waiting to see whether they offer to keep me on or not first.’

‘Well, it is up to you how you spend your own money but don’t get too carried away.

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