On Christmas Eve, James always goes to Midnight Mass at the Cathedral. But this time, he's hoping that no one will recognize him.

A Fairytale of New York

“Why hello,” Santa boomed from inside the cabin. “I do love when the grown-up boys and girls come to visit. Would you like to sit on my knee?”

The elf watched as the woman flashed a dazzling smile and wriggled onto Santa’s waiting lap.

“And what would you like for Christmas?” Santa asked, peering down at the woman over his half moon glasses, his gaze flicking down her low-cut top. She leant back then, and whispered into Santa’s ear. The elf watched as Santa blinked.

“Now, have you been nice or naughty?” Santa continued in a jolly demeanor. “Or maybe you shouldn’t tell me.”

“I’m never naughty,” the girl smiled, looking over at her boyfriend. “Well… almost never.”

"Come on kids, time for bed."

"Mu-um!" Amy whined.

"Do we have to?" her sister Zoë chimed in.

"Yes you do, now scoot; I’ll come and tuck you up in five minutes."

"Can Auntie Maddy do it?" Zoë pleaded, "Please?"

"Mad?" Helen looked across to her friend for confirmation.

"Okay girls, I’ll be up in five minutes."

Scrooge’s Secret

Being the youngest out of 6 children can be difficult. Not only am I the youngest, but I am what some would call the black sheep of the family. My name is Corey, I am 14, though look like I should still be in grade school. Mom had some problems when she was pregnant with me, because of her age I think, so I was born a bit premature. Needless to say I having always been babied or ignored by my siblings. Mostly it was because they were all so much older then me.

Synopsis: He thought it was simply a case of helping a friend out of difficulty over Christmas, at the same time solving his own problem with a faulty central heating boiler. OK, when Bob was told what he had to do, he was both terrified and exhilarated by the prospect, but no one could have forecast how it was going to turn out.

“Live … That’s the message … Come poor child … Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death… Come on now child, live ... live … live ...” – famous scene in movie, “Auntie Mame”

In response to a suggestion from An Author, I cobbled together this silly little pastiche of naughtiness. Sometimes, Santa is just too busy, and he needs to subcontract to the, er, niche markets.

Santa School

Jacob Burrows answered the ad for a mall Santa, and was surprised to discover that one had to actually attend a class before you were allowed to put on the red suit and beard. In fact, he was sent to a day long “Santa School”.

At the class, Jacob spent the day learning how best to act “jolly”, even when things were not going well. Things like when a kid pulls on your beard or pees on your pants.

“Hello, what’s your name?”

“Rudolph.”

The icy wind and blowing snow cut through me as I trudged along the sidewalk on my way to my job as a salesclerk at 'Kringle's Department Store'. The job didn't pay a lot , but it kept a roof over my head and food in my tummy. I was also fortunate in that Kringle's was a friendly place to work for the LGBT community. The owner's daughter was among our sisterhood, having completed her transition 6 years before.Her name was Claire and she worked in the Accounting department.

Inane Christmas music that some idiot had decided was the perfect Santa’s Workshop tune, echoed blandly in the noisy room. Just hours away from the Fat Man’s only reason for existing, everyone including those preposterous excuses for reindeer, were getting ready for the Visit.

Yes, Santa Claus... by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

To:
Justin Winter, Editor-in-Chief
Elfin Gazette
136 Thankful Ave. North Pole, Arctic Circle

From:
Santa Claus, President & C.E.O. ClausInc.
115 Grateful Way, North Pole, Arctic Circle
December 1, 2010