Dorothy Colleen

Feeling better, and about "The Big Mall"

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Well, I'm feeling a touch better today. I'm trying to not look too far ahead, nor worry about the stuff beyond my control, and that's helping.

Meanwhile, I wanted to take a sec and talk about "The Big Mall". Its one of those stories that had a life of its own. My original idea was simple - a woman like me meets the Wizard,, little bit of magic, and a satisfying ending. But my lead character had her own ideas as to what she needed, and finally I had to concede to her wishes. I think it worked out rather well, dont you?

SRU - The Big Mall

SRU: The Big Mall

Edmonton isnt the first place you think of when you think “tourist destination” But there is one site that brings people from all over the world to see it - The Big Mall. Its real name is West Edmonton Mall, but nobody calls it that. Its always just been - The Big Mall. At one time, it was the biggest in the world, and I think its still in the top three.

My little SRU story is nearly ready

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I'm just about ready to publish my little SRU story. Its very different (I think) than anything that has been done in that universe. I rather hope you like it.

By the way, I want to say I'm really proud of all the people who commented on "Justice?" We got a good range of opinions, all well thought out, and yet stayed civil with each other as each person stated our views. Well done, one and all.

About "Justice?"

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I wanted to talk for a moment about my last story, "Justice?" When I started with the idea, I planned to make it two stories - "The Defense" and "The Prosecution" Basically, first we would see her grief at the rape and death of her sister, and her need for some kind of justice. Then we would see the other side - the insanity of trying to take the law into her own hands, and the horror of the method she used to try and punish them. But the story took on a life of its own, and I was left with her awaking to her own guilt, and making the choice to seek the punishment of the law for her actions.

Justice?

Justice?

This one has some strong themes including forced femininization Please read with care, and comments, as always, are appreciated.

The detective came into the interview room, and placed a tape recorder on the table. A pretty young woman followed him, and took the seat he indicated.

being super hormonal

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I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm a little wigged out by how super hormonal I am - crying one second, laughing the next, total emotional roller-coaster thing. If I'm like this now, what the heck am I going to be like if they let me take estrogen?

Had a nightmare yesterday

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I had a nightmare yesterday. I dreamt I heard a woman's voice telling me to be careful, that "They" were coming close and that I was unarmed. The fear in the voice was enough to wake me, and I found it hard to go back to sleep again. Here's hoping today I sleep better, I don't need to be driving to work drowsy.

Near the Threshold

Near the Threshold

Ever had an “ah ha!” moment? Where everything you think about changes? I had one. It started in an very odd place - my local swimming pool. I had just finished my swim, and I headed for the change areas when I made a simple mistake. I turned left instead of right, and walked into the woman’s change area. In my defense, I can’t see well without my glasses, and I was tired from my swim, so I missed the sign, and just went in.

A letter to your other self

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Bailey gave me this idea: If you feel like you have two sides - male and female, for example, write a letter from one self to the other. In my case, that would be Dorothy writing to my male shell, and vice versa. Anybody else want to give this idea a shot?

A Letter to My Step-Father

A letter to my step father

Dear Ken,

I had the urge to write to you, to finally end the hold you have on my soul. You caused me a lot of pain, back in the day, and its long past time for me to deal with it. In some ways, you had the odds stacked against you from the day you came into our lives. You were being asked to replace my fallen father, and instead of a couple of normal kids, you were saddled with one mentally wounded boy, and me - a broken human being stuck between genders.

Well, this isnt working out according to plan

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Well, today is not going well. I had the idea of creating a little Spells R Us story, something light and fluffy and full of wish-fulfillment. So I started with the simple idea of me (with a different name, but me, nevertheless) running into the Wizard. Unfortunately, its not going according to plan. I may end up with the most depressing SRU story in history ....

Ah, well.

fighting off PTSD

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I woke up a bit shaky today, with flashbacks coming on and off all day, but I managed to keep my head, and focused on things like my little dog. Then this evening I decided I should write a letter to my step-father, since most of my flashbacks today were about him. I may publish it, I don't know yet. Anyway, the day ended on a good note with my daughter coming over. We took the dog for a walk, and ran into a huge desert tortoise being walked by its owner. My dog actually didn't mind the creature, and gave it a good sniff on its behind like it was a fellow dog.

I've got a silly little dog

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This morning, I was using my electric shaver to remove the hair from my arms, legs, and chest when my dog decided she needed to investigate the noise. You'd think a dog would be scared of a shaver, but she seemed to think I needed comforting during the procedure, as she nuzzled me as I worked to remove my hair. I love my little dog.

Pink Daze

Pink Daze

“Mom! My shirt turned pink in the wash!”

“Oh dear. Well, you can wear it anyway.”

“Are you nuts? I hate pink!”

“Its just a color. Honestly, dear, nothing to get so upset about.”

“But my friends would laugh at me, mom.”

“You’ve got to be exaggerating. Nobody would laugh at you.”

“You don’t know anything!”

about my last couple of pieces

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I wanted to take a moment to talk about my last couple of pieces. First, to put "Night Entries" to bed, I wanted to mention that its sort of Maeryn's fault. I was reading her story "Trick of the Mind.", and I kept seeing the little blerb at the start saying it was for the challenge "Written from the heart." I started thinking - what if I wrote something from the heart? What would it look like? And then the idea of an autobiography just seemed to fall into place. Then I made the choice to write it like I had a diary in those days, and the story flowed from there.

Little bit down

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Well, I was a little bit down when I woke this morning. I struggled with the questions; "What am I doing this for? If I can't be female between my legs, what's the point?" I felt like "I'm going to die a freak, no matter what" I'm doing a bit better now, thanks to my friend Kylie, but those feelings are still there to some extent. Pray for me.

Not the best day I've had

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Well, today was not one of my better days. First, I went to go to the local library to get some stuff printed out, I decided to go in male mode because later I would have to pick up my ex, and I didn't feel like having to change in hurry when I came home. As it happened, it was a good thing I did, because I actually ran into my ex and my daughter in the mall. My ex was buying my daughter a small fish, so that's why they were there.

On Magically Changing Genders

On Magically Changing Genders

Poof! You’ve just magically changed genders. What’s next? Well, what happens next can vary a lot, depending on a number of factors. (For the purposes of this essay, we will only deal with male to female transformations). First, did you want this to happen? If you were a typical guy, and happy being one, this transformation represents the biggest challenge of your life.

Drowning out "The Voice"

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Last night, I ended up spending most of my shift dealing with "The Voice." Some people probably have heard "The Voice" - its the one that tells you that you are not enough - not good enough, not smart enough, in every aspect of your life, you're not enough. Pray I can drown it out, before I start feeling like I should apologize for taking up space and breathing valuable oxygen....

Having to make a choice

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I have to make a decision, and I need help. See, I started working on a Ret-con origin for Commander Steel, and I came up with a unique way of dealing with the cyborg aspects of his story - without making tech that would be difficult to explain. But Lilith said it didn't really work for that universe. So the question is, do I drop that aspect, and try something else, or should i make the story not a part of that universe and keep the idea, cause its interesting? What do you guys think?

Night Entries, Chapter 4

Night Entries; Chapter 4

Here is the last chapter of "Night Entries". It doesn't have the tough stuff of the earlier ones, and it ends on a hopeful note. Thanks to all those who read and commented.

Well, we’re home, sort of. Trouble is, our house has been rented out, so we cant actually live there. For now we are in a motel, doesn’t that sound like fun? I have to spend like a hour on the bus to get to school, but oh well.

****

Night Entries, Chapter 3

Night Entries, Chapter 3.

Well, we are back home. Mom somehow found us, and told us to come home. We did, lacking anywhere else to go. I hope things are going to be alright. I feel so helpless.

*****

Its kinda funny around here now. Its like we all made this unspoken agreement to not mention what happened, but to go on as though life was perfectly normal. My step-dad actually seems a little wary of my brother, so maybe that’s what we’ve needed to do all along - kick his butt, and then he’d leave us alone.

*****

Just Swimmingly

Just Swimmingly

Mary reached the door of the change room, and hesitated. She stood there, rocking back and forth from one foot to the other for several minutes before Alice came up and took her hand.

"What's wrong, hon?" Alice asked.

"I can't. They'll all see ...." Mary said.

"They wont notice a thing. Come on. "

Finally, Alice took Mary's hand, and led her into the change room. Once inside, Alice began taking of her street clothes, while Mary watched. Alice looked at her, and said, "what, hon?"

Night Entries, Chapter 2

Night Entries, Chapter 2:

This is intense stuff, people. Read with caution, and as always, comments are appreciated.

I couldn’t go through with it. I’m such a coward. I guess I have no choice but to keep on going, even if life makes no sense. I can only hope its a short life, since there doesn’t seem to be any hope for me.

******

tough stuff to wade through

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Those of you who have read chapter one of Night Entries can see this is not easy stuff for me to re-live. I can only assure you all that there will be some nice moments, but we have to get through the dark stuff first. Keep holding on to me, we'll all get through it together....

Night Entries, chapter 1

Night Entries, Chapter 1

Author's note. This is based on my actual experiences. It contains frank discussions of sexual abuse and an attempted suicide. Please take care reading.

Dear Diary;

This is my first entry in any diary, ever. So I really hope I’m doing this right. When I saw you, diary, sitting in a discount bin, and I realized I had just enough money in my pocket to get you, it was like Fate, or something.

making contingency plans

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Well, I'm making some contingency plans in case things really go into the crapper here. I may have to get a second (third, maybe, since I'm also helping the ex and taking care of my daughter) job. Under those circumstances, I don't know when I would sleep ... The other thing I can do is figure out where I can save money - without totally sacrificing my dreams of being able to at least be on hormones. "Tight" don't even cover it. Ah, well.

The rug has been pulled out from under us

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Well, just when things started to go well, my mother got a notice from her bankruptcy lawyer. Apparently, she has not been paying him, nor has she been doing what he told her to do. So now he is suing her to get a garnish on her wages to make her pay. I'm trying to get her to talk to a professional counselor, its clear she's not making good decisions, but I'm not having much luck. She told me the reason why she has kept this from me is because she thought I was too fragile myself until very recently when I started working as Dorothy, by which point it was too late for me to help much.

Added an epilog to "The Verdict of the Phoenix"

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For those who care about such things, I added a little epilog to the end of "The Verdict of the Phoenix". What's been added doesn't change what went before, but just adds a bit. Thanks to all who have commented.

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