Dorothy Colleen

changing my attitude

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Anybody who has followed my blog here probably can tell that I have, on occasion, struggled with negative self-talk. I'm starting to realize how much this has held me back. It becomes as self-fulfilling prophesy, where I make mistakes because I expect to make mistakes. Its not going to be easy to get rid of a habit that ingrained, but I have to, if I want to make any progress. So I'm asking everyone here to help keep my accountable. If I start whining and feeling sorry for myself, give me a boot in the back of the skirt, okay?

Rock Star Makeover, part 6

Rock Star Makeover, Part 6:
 
Authors note: No summary, the audience has spoken. If you have not read the first 5 parts, (or if you have forgotten them) read those first.
 

The next morning,. I phoned Gabbi, and said, “Gabbi, I should hang around here today, I’ve … kinda missed my family.”

She said, “That’s cool Noah. I’m sure my sis and I can find some girly stuff to do.”

I chuckled. “Have fun, Gabbi.” I said.

J-Crew ad draws fire for showing a boy with painted pink toenails

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Apparently, an ad showing a mom painting her son's toenails neon pink has drawn some fire from the usual suspects. Here is a link to the story:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/04/11/jcrew-ad-showing-boy-pi...

Interesting job posting

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Well, this morning I found an interesting job posting. It was with a retail store that focuses on home repair. On the application I filled out, there was an option to declare yourself a member of the GLBTG community, saying the company is committed to diversity in this area. The world has changed for the better for us, at least here, which is good to know.

Rock Star Makeover, Part 5

Rock Star Makeover, Part 5
 
Authors note: I'm not sure if not supplying a summary is annoying people. If it is, let me know, okay? I'm sorry that this chapter is so short.
 

The next morning, we were woken early by a message from the front desk, saying there was a message for us. We dressed, and went down The message turned out to be from Cathy, and it said, “Here is everything you will need for a good time at Disneyland. There is also an outfit for Gabbi included.”

The outfit turned out to be a copy of Cinderella’s dress.

Rock Star Makeover, Part 4

Rock Star Makeover, Part 4:
 
(Author's note: Nope, not doing a summary. If you need to know what happened before, read the first 3 chapters.)
 
I was so far into my work I had no idea how much time passed. The next time I was really aware of the outside world was when Gabbi, her mom, and Cathy came up to me. They were each carrying a couple of bags, and it looked like both Gabbi and her mom had taken the opportunity to get a new hairstyle and makeup. The effect on Gabbi was … electric, at least for me.

“Wow. Oh...wow.” Is all I could manage.

Local teacher fired for being TG

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Well, a local teacher was fired for being transgendered. Plus, the law that would have protected us from this kind of thing died when an election was called. Here is the link to the story:
 
http://www.680news.com/news/national/article/210238--fired-a...

Rock Star Makeover, Part 3

Rock Star Makeover, Part 3

 

(Author's note: Its probably a good idea to read parts 1 and 2 first)

 

The next morning, I was happy to see Gabbi with her mom waiting for us to come to church.

“You both look fantastic!” I said.

Gabbi blushed, and her mom smiled.

We went to church, and it was pretty good. After it was over, I whispered to Gabbi “I think your mom is impressed by how everyone here is so cool with you.”

“Yeh, well, before I came here as Gabbi for the first time, I talked with the pastor.”

Interesting day

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Well, today was an interesting day. First, I got a call from the local TS support group I belong to reminding me that there was a potluck dinner today. Trouble was, my brother and sister-in-law were also supposed to come over. I decided that since the potluck started at 430, and they were not supposed to come until 7, that i could go and still come back. But, I decided to leave a note for my mom that I was going to be coming home dressed as Dorothy, so if they had a problem with that, I could just skip showing up. But she phoned me to say they would not cause problems, so I came home.

Rock Star Makeover, Part 2

Rock Star Makeover, Part 2

(Author's note: Its probably a good idea to read part 1 first)

 

We walked to my house hand in hand. We didn’t say much, but the contact seemed to say all we needed to say at that moment. We went inside, and told my mom what happened. My brother came in the room in time to hear Gabbi tell my mom about the card, and he grinned.

“Pretty mushy, Noah.” He said.

“It worked. I got my girl.” I said, grinning back.

Gabbi slipped her arm around me, and said, “And I got my guy.”

Rock Star Makeover, Part 1

Rock Star Makeover, Part 1

“You can't be serious!”

“Why not enter the contest? ”

“Well, duh, its for girls?”

“Doesn't say that anywhere. Says you have to be 15 or older, that's it.”

“Come on! I know you like Cathy Mason, and that the contest winner gets a meting with her, as well as a trip to Hollywood for the winner, their parents and a friend. But it also includes a new wardrobe, as well as a 'makeover'. You know, like makeup and stuff?”

He just grinned at me.

sorry for the delay, part 2

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Well, the interview went well, and I will find out on Tuesday if I got the job. On the writing front, I am finding my little story may not end up being as little as I thought. Running at about 10 K right now, and showing no signs of slowing down. I may end up just posting part 1 and letting things get started. What do you guys think?

Interesting day as Dorothy

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If you had the chance to go out as a girl (assuming you don't for the sake of the image) what would you think of doing? Somehow, I doubt it would include what I did yesterday. I went to the bottle depot and turned in my empties. I do this to get "Dot money", but until yesterday, I wouldn't have done that dressed up. But I needed a lift after Monday, and I want to try out being Dorothy in ordinary circumstances I would have to do if I go out full time. Not only did no one comment on me, but when some of my bottles fell out of my bag, the man behind me helped me pick them up.

things are going sideways, and I cant seem to make them stop

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I find myself wondering if there is something in the air. My girlfriend Kylie seems to have gone into a pit of despair, and at least 3 other friends of mine are not far off from that. I wish I could help, but I'm barely functional myself. God, have mercy on us all.

my one hundredth story

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Well, I was taking a count, and my next story will be my one hundredth story or poem here. Just think, at this rate I will have almost as much as "bike" by sometime in the next century (assuming no more entries come from our pal Angharad there in the meantime...)

went to church as Dorothy

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Well, I took a plunge today. I went to the downtown United Church dressed as Dorothy, and was welcomed with open arms. Not only that, they want me to be part of their affirming group that helps GLBTG people feel welcome there. Can it get much better?

Shakey, and beyond shakey

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Well, today started well, and went downhill. I had my daughter, we had a good day. But my gf Kylie is down, and by the time she went to bed, I was a worried for her. Then, I happened to read the most recent chapter of "you meant it for evil" After I read it, I started shaking and couldn't stop. My brother was committed after my dad died, and after I visited him there, I had nightmares of being committed myself, especially because I thought my gender issues meant I was crazy. Thank God for some online friends who held me together until I got my breath back.

Big Closet is like Heaven

Big Closet is Like Heaven

Tried to be a boy, although it felt so strange
knew I was a girl, told I was insane
needed a place where they knew my name.
A friendly place, instead of more of the same

A fish out of water, a lion out of the jungle
(was a) A fish out of water, a lion out of the jungle
I needed to be me, to be me, somewhere to be me
I've got BC fever, someone showed me some love

found some people, finally found some people
to relate to, to relate to
found some people, finally found some people
to relate to, to relate to

comment whore

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I was reading Lilith's little rant about people taking the time to comment on stories. I want to give some examples from my own stories on how your comments make a difference to me. I wrote "Vision Spring", and the first official story "A little nudge" got 11 comments, more than enough to encourage me to to continue. I wrote "This is how a heart breaks." which got seven, but I figured I would do another one anyway. I worked very hard at the third story, taking time to research many aspects, and even found a song that fit the mood of the story.

interviewed in boy mode

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Well, I had the interview, and I think it went okay. I went in boy mode, and didn't mention transitioning, though, and part of me hates myself for that. I hate having to hide, it feels like lying, but I need the income if I am going to make anything happen, and maybe if I get the job, and I prove myself, I can then bring up the subject and have some hope for it.

Lack of a father as a cause for TG?

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Well, I had an interesting conversation with my sister-in-law today. She believes that the main causes of my trans issues is my rape and the lack of a good male role model in my life. I think I have dealt with my rape enough to be sure that it would have made no difference if I had not been raped, but what about the lack of a father figure? Is there a connection between being trans and not having a good male or (in the case of transmen), a good female role model? Opinions?

My mother's tears

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Well, I managed to make my mother cry last night. She had gone to bed, but woke up at about 130 when she realized I was still up. She got very upset, and told me I was sabotaging my life, that I didn't care about her or my daughter. It has really set my mood back.

"Jane, stop this crazy thing!"

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The above quote is from the old cartoon, "The Jetsons". As the end credits rolled, the main character would get on a treadmill, only to have it go completely out of control. I feel a bit like that. I am running my heart out just to stay in the same place, and ever once in a while, I slide under, get crumpled, and then spat back out to start running again. And the idea of actually getting any traction seems like a no-go. But I wont stop. I will keep fighting, keep trying to find a way to be Dorothy full time. Thanks again to "Team Dorothy" who have picked me up and put me back on track.

"optimism is a survival trait "

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Well, thanks to some wonderful people (you know who you are) I have survived my down, and am headed up. You know, I should make a poster that says "I am NOT worthless, a loser, or a joke! I am valued, loved, and created for a purpose!" in case I forget again. I would like to say I wont hear that voice telling me how horrible I am again, but hopefully, I can get better at tuning it out.

Moved by "Case Closed"

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There are occasionally, stories one shouldn't read in certain moods. I loved it, but Randalynn's story "Case Closed" hit me hard. The trouble i have is how much I feel like Paul:

"what do I have to look forward to? Years stretching ahead of me, all alone and in pain, tormented by all the real people? That’s the clarity you gave me this morning, by the way. I know now that I can’t be anything but what I am — the human joke. It’s not going to change.”

“You could — ”

posting ret-con stories elsewhere

I happened to notice that Stanman has posted a couple of his contributions to the ret-con universe on fictionmania, and I was wondering if I should do that. My last phoenix story may be the best thing I have written to date, and sharing it elsewhere seems like a good idea. But without the context of the other stories, it might not have the same impact. What do you guys think?

I shold know not to get my hopes up

Well, I should know better than to get my hopes too high. I had gotten a call from the manager at the restaurant that is in my old work, and made the assumption she was interested in hiring me. Since she had talked about it before, and already said she would have had no problem with me being Dorothy if it was up to her, I started to have dreams of being able to be a waitress. Of course, I was wrong, and she just wanted to pass on a lead she gotten from a customer. Nice of her, I know, but not what I was hoping for. Ah, well.

laughing so hard it hurts

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When we say something is "hysterical" we usually mean that's a good thing. But sometimes, I think laughter can lead to hysteria in the sense of a loss of control. At least I think thats what happened to me last night. I was talking with my girlfriend Kylie, and I started laughing, until I was in pain, having trouble breathing, and yet being unable to stop. I'm not sure what that means.

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