You Must Give In Order to Receive
By Maggiethekitten

by Tahiti

Chapter Two
Is Seeing Believing?

The Doctor and Rose are enroute to Jackie's for Christmas Eve dinner when they encounter a woman on London Bridge who changes their lives forever.

“Oh Lord!” Maggie exclaimed wide-eyed as she surveyed her surroundings. “This can’t be … it just can’t be. Maybe Mum was right. I have gone mad. It’s … like … like I’ve stepped through Alice’s wardrobe.”

Giving her a wink, Rose squeezed Maggie’s hand . “Guess that makes the Doctor the Mad Hatter.”

The Doctor returned fire immediately, “And you, Rose Tyler, are undoubtedly the Queen of Tarts!”

Pouting, Rose corrected him. “That’s hearts Doctor, not tarts!”

“How can this be?” Maggie cautiously reached forward and touched a very solid Tardis wall. “What matter of trickery or magic is this that … that can make this place, this box bigger on the … the inside than … than?”

“It is on the outside?” the Doctor finished having seen this reactions more times than he cared to count.

Maggie silently nodded.

“Well … it’s neither trickery nor magic, although I suppose to you it probably seems that way. I could give you the technical explanation, but I doubt if you would understand it, either. Can we just say that no matter how improbable it all seems,” the Doctor knocked on the console panel, “the Tardis is quite real, Rose and I are quite real and you my dear are not mad?”

Whether it was from the strain of her recent brush with death, her ordeal at the asylum, or being overwhelmed by the Tardis, Maggie finally broke under the strain of it all. Tears ran down her cheeks, and then finally the dam burst as she began to shake and sob.

“Here … here now, girl,” the Doctor was at her side, offering a strong arm for support. “We’ll have none of that now. At least wait until you taste my tea. I’ve got a very special blend I picked up at a lovely little shop on the third moon of Cantaras IV. Guaranteed to warm the tummy and put a smile on the face.”

Maggie sniffled back tears. She looked first at the Doctor, then Rose. The colour drained from her face, “Mmm … mmm … moon?”

Maggie pointed upward, “Did you say you’ve been to … to the moon?”

The Doctor looked in the direction she was pointing. “Oh you mean the Earth’s moon? Well … yes I’ve been there a time or two, but it’s really a rather dull and boring place. The Americans made such a fuss about landing there in 1969, but personally, I found Saturn far more interesting. Didn’t you Rose?”

“Did you say Saturn … and … and … 1969?” Maggie cut in.

Both Rose and the Doctor nodded.

“Heavens to Jules Verne!” Maggie’s replied as her knees buckled. The Doctor and Rose had to help her over to the sofa.

“Sorry Mags,” the Doctor apologized. “Sometimes I forget how overwhelming this can be. One minute you’re on London Bridge in Victorian England, and the next, you’re with a Time Lord and his companion aboard a horseless carriage that travels time and space.”

Maggie looked positively pale, “Time and space?”

Rose laid a reassuring hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “It is quite a shocker. I know.”

As she looked down at Maggie, she noticed she was wearing a wig and it was slightly askew, no doubt from the blustery winds on the bridge. Very discreetly and ever so gently, she straightened a few fallen locks before she continued. “It all knocked me for six the first time I stepped on board, too. Of course you haven’t seen anything until he regenerates. Talk about being bowled a wicked googley!”

“Re … Regenerates?” Maggie started looking faint again.

“Here now,” the Doctor tried to comfort his perplexed passenger. “Enough about all of this. You were the one on the bridge railing, not us. I’d say you’ve got a far more interesting story to share, but first … the tea.”

The Doctor motioned Rose toward a set of double doors, “Now Maggie, just sit there and look beautiful while Rose and I go make the tea. Oh and please don’t go messing about with stuff, especially the levers on the control panel.”

Maggie looked around at the gadgets and gizmos in the Tardis control room. “Don’t worry Doctor; you needn’t worry about me touching anything. I’m not even sure I can move.”

“Good girl!” The Doctor praised her with a smile and then ushered Rose toward doors she’d never noticed before.

“Doctor” she whispered in his ear, “I never knew we had a kitchen.”

The Doctor did not answer. He simply pushed Rose through the doors and proved without a doubt they indeed did have one. It was small but charmingly furnished in turn of the 20th century décor. The Doctor checked the fire in the stove and smiled as he saw it was burning steadily.

Pointing toward a copper kettle setting on the counter he said, “Rose give us a hand with the kettle won’t you?”

Rose picked up the kettle and shook it.

“It’s ummm … empty Doctor”

“Well then go fill it.”

Rose looked round for a tap and saw a red handled pump over the sink instead. Grasping the handle, she pushed down and pulled up on it until the water started flowing.

Once it was finally filled, she handed the kettle to the Doctor who sat it on the stove.

“Now where are the biscuits?” The Doctor started searching the cupboard.

Rose put her hands on her hips as she watched the Doctor disappear into the walk in. “Doctor I’ve got a few questions myself?”

“Yes I can imagine you do,” answered the Doctor as he tossed a cricket bat out of the cupboard.

Rose jumped as the bat hit the floor. “Ummm … Doctor. What is all of this?”

An umbrella with a question mark handle followed the cricket bat. “I take it you mean the kitchen?”

“And the antique living room set in the control room, as well … Neither of these was here before.”

A black recorder bounced on the wood floor, “Right you are Rose, neither were here before, but then again, they were always here you might say.”

“Doctor, please!” Rose shouted in exasperation.

The crank to a Roadster slid across the floor. “Infinite dimensions, Rose, infinite dimensions.”

“What?” Rose shouted.

The Doctor stepped out from the cupboard. On his head was a brown floppy hat, and in his hand was a paper bag. “Jelly Baby, Rose? They’re quite good you know.”

Rose shook her head and the Doctor frowned. He tossed the hat into the corner and the bag back into the cupboard. “Not with tea though. We really need proper biscuits.”

“Doctor!”

The Doctor returned from his biscuit induced fog. “Yes, right … infinite dimensions, Rose. The Tardis has infinite dimensions, or in other words it has rooms on top of rooms on top of rooms beside more rooms. While I have never opened up this kitchen, or brought forth that living room, both have always been here within the Tardis. Understand?”

Rose nodded silently even if she didn’t fully understand.

“When I unlocked the Tardis door to enter, I tripped a little switch and opened both of these rooms. I thought giving Maggie some familiar surroundings within such an unfamiliar setting might calm her a bit.”

The Doctor looked round the kitchen. “And I do have to say I fancy this kitchen. I’ll think I’ll keep it.”

“And what about Maggie, Doctor, are you going to keep him … err … I mean her?” Rose sighed and shook her head, “Sorry Doctor … I don’t know what I mean. The whole thing is so bloody weird. I mean … I know he … she wants to be a girl, that’s obvious. But it’s obvious he’s well … a he, and it’s kind of hard to think of him as anything else, especially when his wig slipped. I don’t mean to be cruel, but the truth is the truth isn’t it Doctor?”

“Is it Rose?” The Doctor’s eyes burned with passion. “Are you so sure what you think is the truth, truly is the truth? And if so, exactly what do you base this truth on?”

Rose could feel the attack coming, and she faltered against it. “I dunno … I mean well … look at him, Doctor. I swear to you I wish for his sake it wasn’t true, but it is. He’s a man. He’s got well … man parts, or at least I suppose he does.” Rose blushed.

“So it’s the body that makes the man?” The Doctor prepared to use her own words against her. “Or the woman, for that matter? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No … well yes … I … I guess so. I mean it’s the most important part of it, right?” Rose searched for a reprieve in the Doctor’s eyes but found none.

“Rose, I never would have believed it of you. I’ve taken you from the beginning of time to standing hand in hand with you as we watched the end. We’ve travelled to times and places and worlds beyond your wildest imagination and you’ve encountered life in forms that most people wouldn’t recognize as life. Yet with all that experience I’ve given you, you sound as closed-minded and prejudiced as most of your people.”

The Doctor could have sent a spear through Rose’s heart, but it wouldn’t have wounded her more deeply than his sharp, painful words. As with most wounded creatures, she struck back. “Ohy Doctor … that’s not true! I’m not closed-minded or prejudice. I don’t know how you can say that. I went off with the likes of you, didn’t I? And … and I’ve not judged any of the beings we’ve met. I’ve tried to get along with the whole lot, save for maybe the ones that keep trying to kill us. And... and I’ve accepted them too. Okay, so maybe some of them were a bit hard to understand or know if they were male, female or ummm … none of the above, but I did my best to treat them with respect. And well … I resent the fact that you think I didn’t!”

Rose was breathing heavily now, a bit red-faced, flustered, and obviously hurt.

The Doctor’s eyes smiled at her. He knew she was a good soul. He never could have taken her with him if she wasn’t and well … even though he’d never told her so with words, he did love her. He admired her strength, her courage, her passion, her compassion and her wisdom beyond that of most 21st century Earthlings. He loved her smile, the sparkle in her eyes and the feel of her hand in his. He could easily spend the rest of her life with him, and yet with all those qualities he loved, she’d just showed him one that he could not abide.

He didn’t know if he could reach her. He didn’t know if anyone could truly understand what Maggie was going through, save for someone like Maggie, but he had to try. Yes, he had to try for Maggie’s sake. She desperately needed acceptance from both Rose and himself, but it was also for Rose as well. If she were going to truly be at his side “forever,” she had to be able to see, to see beyond the images her eyes held.

“Rose,” the Doctor started calmly, “I never said you didn’t respect Maggie or any of the life forms we’ve encountered. I’m sure you respect Maggie’s right to live as a woman.”

“Of course I do Doctor,” Rose eased her posture slightly, “Look I’ve seen those talk show programs about boys who want to be girls and I’ve seen a few of those marches they’ve had. You know … gay, lesbian, trans … trans something”.

“Transgender,” the Doctor gently corrected.

“Right … and I’m totally for equal rights and equal opportunities, and if Maggie wanted to march right down the high street or in front of Buckingham Palace in high heels and a crinoline, well … I think she’s got the right. In fact, I’d even march right by her side, I would.”

“I know you would Rose … honest I do, but … why would you be marching, Rose? Why would you defend Maggie’s right to be Maggie?”

The shrill whistle of the kettle gave Rose a moment’s reprieve. The Doctor lifted it off the hob and poured the steaming water into the lovely bone white pot. He placed three cups and saucers on the silver serving tray while Rose weighed her answer.

“Well,” she started slowly and with great thought, “because … because it’s the right thing to do. Maggie, and I suppose anyone else for that matter, has a right to happiness. And as long as what makes them happy isn’t something like mass murder or taking over the whole universe, I think they’re entitled to it? Does that make any sense?”

The Doctor nodded that it did.

“And … well … if living as a woman makes Maggie happy, and I can’t see how that harms anyone else, then …I think she should be able to do it and I would defend her right to do so against anyone who would say otherwise. And I don’t see how you could call me closed-minded and prejudiced, if I’m willing to do that.”

She let out a heavy sigh. She hoped she’d been able to choose all the right words. She knew this was just too important to get wrong.

The Doctor rubbed his jaw as he often did while contemplating something, then reached across and took Rose’s hand gently. “Rose … I’m sorry if I came down a bit hard on you, but this is very important. I have shown you many wondrous things in our travels, and you have greeted them all bravely, with respect and with a mind wide open and ready to embrace.”

He hesitated, searching to choose his own words carefully.

“However,” Rose continued for him with a nervous smile.

“However,” he followed her lead, “I fear now you are not seeing beyond what your eyes tell you are there.”

The Doctor could see Rose struggling to understand, but having great difficulty. The Time Lord searched nine past regenerations and hoped he could draw on their wisdom to help him find the right words now. “Rose, the fact that you would defend Maggie’s right to live as a woman, possibly even with your own life, is not in question. I know that you are a champion, and you have great compassion for those who hurt and need help. I have seen it in your eyes and your actions many times, but that is not the issue here. I need you to open your heart and your mind and see beyond Maggie’s right to live as a woman. I ask you … can you see that Maggie is a woman?”

Rose pulled her hand back and squirmed like a school girl being called upon to spell a seven syllable word. “Doctor … I can see she wants to be a woman.”

“Yes, so can I, and so can anyone who would have passed by her on the bridge tonight, but you’re not answering the question. Is Maggie a woman?”

“Well … I ummm …don’t think … that is … I mean she … or he doesn’t … that is he can’t … can’t … oh Doctor I guess it depends on what you think makes a woman … a woman.”

The Doctor smiled and winked, “Yes, that’s right Rose. At last we’re making progress. Now, tell me. What do you think makes a woman, a woman? … Or,” he added before she could respond, “if it would be easier for you, what makes Rose Tyler a woman?”

And then for the pudding, he added, “I take it that you do consider yourself to be a woman?”

Rose took the bait and the slight offense intended, “Of course I consider myself to be a woman. That’s ridiculous, Doctor.”

“Is it? Then you should have no problem telling me what makes a woman a woman, and proving to me that you are one.”

Rose quickly realized the Doctor had manoeuvred her skilfully; nonetheless she was relatively sure she would have no problem proving her own womanhood by showing the obvious difference between her claim and Maggie’s. At least she hoped she could. “Well … first off, Doctor, I was born female. That’s what made me a girl, and now a woman. Maggie, no matter what she may have wished for, was born male and that is why I am sorry to say she is a man.”

The Doctor placed the tea bags in the pot and waited for them to steep.

“I see … by being born female you mean having a female body, the appropriate genitals, reproductive organs, xx chromosomes and all that lot, correct?”

“Well … yeah … that’s what separates the boys from the girl’s, right?”

“Yes Rose, or so your people have said for countless generations, long before Maggie’s Victorian England, and beyond your 21st century version. So … it’s the body that makes the woman or the man? Is that what you’re saying Rose? Is that your line of defense then?”

“Well,” Rose began squirming uncomfortably again, “yes, at least I think so.”

“I see,” the Doctor took his hand and waved it across Rose’s shapely form. “It appears to be a rather good line of defense. The body is something very tangible, very physical, and very easy to prove its existence.” He gently poked Rose in the shoulder to prove his point.

“And with humans, there are some very obvious physical attributes that make it quite easy to discern the two sexes.” Rose blushed as the Doctor made only a passing glance at a pair of those distinctly female attributes.

“Yes Rose, on the surface, if you will pardon the pun, your definition of what makes a woman a woman, seems rather well supported. And if all that makes a woman is chromosomes and genitals, then indeed you are certainly a woman and Maggie is definitely not. But …”

Rose sighed, “I knew there had to be a ‘but’.”

“But,” the Doctor continued, undaunted by his companion’s interruption, “that leaves me with a most difficult question.”

“I’m almost afraid to hear it.”

“No need to fear if you’re in the right, Rose,” the Doctor answered with all too knowing smile. “You do remember our good friend Cassandra, don’t you?”

Rose’s eyes went wide. “The last woman on Earth? How could I ever forget her?”

“Yes, she was quite the character wasn’t she?” the Doctor chuckled. “And you remember that nasty little mind jumping trick she learned?”

Rose nodded.

“That was something wasn’t it? Her mind inside my body. I mean to look at me, to listen to me, no one would ever know that Cassandra’s brain, a woman’s brain was very much in charge of my … well,” the Doctor waved his hand down the length of his pin stripe suit, “male body. And … what I find particularly amazing is that even if Cassandra would have told anyone that her brain, her spirit, if you will, was inside my body, do you really think anyone would have believed her?”

“I … I don’t know,” Rose knew the Doctor was leading her somewhere, but where, she wasn’t quite sure. “I mean … maybe most people wouldn’t believe her … I mean that is, believe you … well, you know what I mean. But I would believe because I know you. I could tell the difference. I would know it was Cassandra inside and not really you.”

“Even though all the physical characteristics said Doctor, you would know without a shadow of a doubt that Cassandra’s spirit was on the inside. You couldn’t possibly be fooled?”

Rose smiled as she shook her head, “I know you, Doctor, Cassandra could never have fooled me, at least not for very long.”

“I see … and I suppose the same would be said for when Cassandra’s spirit took over your body. You looked like my Rose, you sounded like my Rose, and you kissed,” the Doctor smiled hungrily as Rose blushed, “well … you kissed like a very passionate Rose, but were you really my Rose?”

“Of course it wasn’t me, Doctor,” Rose answered without hesitation, “It was Cassandra!”

The Doctor shook his head, “Well … she certainly looked like you.”

“But it wasn’t me, Doctor. It was just my body. You could tell the difference, couldn’t you?”

“Yes Rose, at least eventually I did. Even before Cassandra confessed there were definite clues that you weren’t well … you, but … now that I think about it,” the Doctor paused for effect; “perhaps it really was you after all.”

Rose took the bait the Doctor had so generously offered, “Ohy, what do you mean, it was me? You know bloody well that it was Cassandra doing all those things with my body, just like she did them with yours.”

The Doctor turned away and walked over to tall kitchen hutch with beautiful stained glass doors. Opening the top drawer, he removed several linen napkins. “Yes Rose, that is what I thought, too, but after listening to you say it’s the body that makes the man, or the woman for that matter … well,” the Doctor walked back over to the counter and placed the napkins on the serving trays, “it seems to me then that Cassandra’s spiritual presence in either of our bodies was irrelevant. We are who are bodies say we are, just as Maggie’s body says who she, or I suppose I should say, he is. This is what you said, isn’t it?”

Rose looked and sounded obviously flustered, “No … that’s … that’s not what I said. I mean … okay I did kind of say that, but that’s not exactly what I meant. What I meant was … umm … well … it doesn’t matter what I meant, because you’re mixing it all up, and besides this isn’t the same thing.”

Picking up one of the napkins and folding it neatly, the Doctor calmly replied, “Do tell … perhaps you would care to explain then?”

Rose sighed. She’d known this was coming. “Well ... okay … with you and I, some outside alien intelligence invaded our body, and we didn’t have any control. We couldn’t help but act the way we did. It wasn’t us. It was our body, but not our mind or spirit. And umm … with Maggie well … that’s totally different. There is no alien intelligence involved.”

“You’re right, Rose,” The Doctor agreed too easily, but then closed the door on the trap his companion had walked into. “With Maggie, it’s not an alien mind. Her mind is where the true Maggie lies. No, in her case it’s an alien body that’s trapped her proper spirit. And … well … she has no more control over feeling the way she feels or acting the way she acts, than either of us did.”

His dark eyes were piercing as he spoke, “Rose, it’s really quite simple if you just open your mind.”

“On one hand,” he raised one to emphasize his point, “it was our bodies, but with Cassandra’s brain, an alien brain running the show”.

Then he raised the other, “for Maggie, it’s her brain, her spirit if you will, but trapped in an alien … or in this case, male body.”

Rose looked from hand to hand, evaluating the invisible evidence the Doctor was trying to show her. “I … I think I get it Doctor. It’s just sort of hard to … to … think past the body sometimes. I mean you know what they say. If she looks like a gander and walks like a gander and talks like a gander … it’s kind of hard to believe she’s really a goose”.

The Doctor’s countenance softened. He knew Rose was trying to understand, trying to see beyond the physical, and past the prejudices most of mankind struggled with. He flashed a compassionate smile. “Yes I know it is, and I do know you’re trying. but I suppose unless you’re someone like Maggie, or a nine hundred year old Time Lord who has had ten different bodies, it can be a very difficult concept to grasp.”

“Wait a minute!” The Doctor looked up at her as the penny finally dropped. “A Time Lord! Yes, that’s it! I should have thought of it straight away.”

Rose looked on helplessly, hoping the Doctor’s train of thought wouldn’t leave the station without her. “Rose … you remember how I looked the first time we met?”

Rose rolled her eyes, “Well of course I do.”

“Exactly! … and you remember when I regenerated and took on this new form?” The Doctor struck a model pose that brought a smile to his lovely companion’s face.

“I could never forget that, Doctor. It was like nothing I’d ever seen. One minute you’re you, you know … the old you, and then off goes the light show and Wham! Suddenly you’re somebody else.”

“Yes I can imagine how difficult it all was for you Rose. One minute I’m this sort of average looking bloke with anger management issues, and then as easy as Bob’s your Uncle, I’m this handsome looking gent with loads of calm and cool”

“And modesty, too!” Rose gently teased with a chuckle.

The Doctor slipped his companion’s gentle jab without comment. “So … if I looked liked someone else, how did you know I was the same Doctor? That is, assuming you do believe I’m the same Doctor.”

“Well of course I know you’re the same Doctor!” Rose seemed a bit put out that he would even insinuate otherwise. “I saw the whole bloody thing right before my eyes.”

“And what if you hadn’t? What if you’d not seen me regenerate? What if we’d been separated when it happened? Do you think you really would’ve believed beyond what your eyes were telling you? Would you’ve been able to believe I was the same Doctor?”

Rose felt her footing becoming a bit unsure. “Well …that would’ve made things a little more difficult, but I know I would’ve been able to tell you were you. You know … the you from the other body … only ummm … in a different body.”

“How, Rose? How could I have convinced you? I certainly looked and sounded different.”

“True … but you knew things about me that nobody else knew. That would’ve convinced me for sure.”

The Doctor shook his head and frowned. “I don’t know, Rose. That’s a bit thin. An alien with the ability to read thoughts might have access to all my memories of you. A good morph who’s done his homework could tell you everything you wanted to hear.”

“Well … there’s more to it than that. I … I … just would’ve been able to tell it was really you. I could feel it. I could sense it. I know you, Doctor and I could spot you no matter what you looked like.”

The Doctor gave a relieved sigh, “Yes Rose … you can. You can see beyond the body, because you know and believe in the soul within. Ten different bodies Rose, but was I really ten different Time Lords?”

Finally she understood, “No Doctor, you were the same one all along. The bodies well … were just bodies, just shells I guess. Shells for the one thing that truly defined you: your spirit, your soul”

“Good girl Rose and now for an A+ from the teacher, I ask you … Is Maggie a woman, or a man? Think carefully before you answer and answer truthfully.”

Rose gave a heavy sigh, “I … ummm … guess she is. I can see now that there is loads more to being male or female than the body you live in. I understand that now, but I still don’t know if she is really a woman. I’m sorry Doctor but you said to be honest.”

“A+ Rose Tyler,” the Doctor congratulated his star pupil. “You’re absolutely correct. You don’t know if she is truly a woman, or just a man who wishes he was. I, on the other hand knew the truth straight away, but I’m an old hand at this sort of thing. And while I think you would take my word on her true gender, that simply won’t do. This is something you need to discover for yourself. So your extra credit question is … how do you think you could accomplish that?”

“By getting to know her?” Rose offered hopefully

“A++, top of the class, Rose!”

The Doctor picked up the serving tray and headed toward the door. “And I’ll tell you something else.”

“What’s that?” Rose asked as she turned to follow.

“In getting to know Maggie better, you won’t only remove any doubt as to her true gender, but you may find you learn quite about yourself. I hope you like what you find. Either way, I think it will be a most interesting journey.”

To be continued ...

Edited by Holly Logan