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Part 7

My lips still tingled from Denise's kiss. It was like they were lightly dusted with cayenne pepper or something. How's that for a lipstick additive. Guaranteed to make your lovers, hot, hot, hot!

My central nervous system rebooted my brain and my eyes tracked to Denise, sitting on the couch with her leg hitched up underneath and a wary look on her face.

"Maybe I should go." She dropped her head and turned to the side.

What the hell is wrong with me? Snap out of it Casidhe!

"Uh, wait."

Denise looked back up at me with more of a hopeful smile.

"So, are you… uh, sure now?" I asked.

Her voice came out, almost husky. It was definitely breathy. "Oh yeah. I'm very lesbian right now." She paused for a second. "Very."

That made me grin just a little. My eyes kept dropping down to her lips. Her very full lips. I guess that's where the softness comes from.

Boyfriend! Don't forget about Ted!

I blinked. Conscience!Chloe seems to have made an appearance again.

"I have a boyfriend."

She didn't look shocked. What is she staring at. Oh, crap it's my lips she's staring at.

"I know. Ted, right? Ted Head?"

My tongue darted out to moisten my bottom lip. It seemed very dry at that moment. "Yeah, Ted."

"That's okay."

Uh, what? What's okay. "Huh?"

"I don't mind if you have a boyfriend."

Oh God, something happen, please. Because if something doesn't happen then I'm going to be a very bad girl. I'll be back to being an assfriend.

Denise leaned forward again. Testing the waters. My eyes were glued to her lips. Just, just a taste. That wouldn't be so wrong, would it? A bite from the proverbial apple, so to speak. We all know how well that turned out, yeah? I closed my eyes so as to break the spell she seemed to have me under. Again, a very bad move on my part.

I took a tiny breath to speak, to say, hold on a minute, but her lips were on mine, once more. Oh God. I was on my back before I knew it. Her hair curtained around my face, lightly caressing my jaw line. Her body hovered over mine, and then I felt her breasts, much larger than mine, pressing against me.

My body wasn't my own any more. My leg slipped underneath hers and she laid her full weight against me. I could feel her smooth legs sliding along mine and I was in sensory overload. Okay, I totally understand exactly what Steve was talking about. How could you not want this feeling all the time? The thing I couldn't get my mind around was that, it got better? I mean this was just kissing and touching. I couldn't comprehend what it would be like if we were having sex.

Denise's mouth was on my neck and I tilted my head to accommodate her, this girl that I had known for less than thirty minutes. I felt her tongue trailing and the scrape of her teeth against my, apparently very sensitive neck. God, I've got to stop. This isn't right.

"Denise," I breathed.

That only egged her on. I heard her moan deep in her throat. Then I realized where my hands were.

Note to self: If you are trying to disengage while making out with a member of the female sex then don't, I repeat, don't massage their breasts.

I released them, albeit, reluctantly, but I released them. She made a sound of protest and pulled up. Her lips were already swollen and her face was flushed.

"We have to stop."

She moved up and captured my lips again, briefly this time.

"I don't want to stop. You taste so good," she said.

I'm not the only one, sister. "Denise. I have a boyfriend."

Her lips trailed down to my ear. "Does he make you feel like this?" She took my lobe and bit it lightly then trailed her tongue along an upward slope.

Okay, Casidhe. Think.

"I thought you said in your email that you didn't want to hook up."

That seemed to stop her progression. In fact she seemed to stop altogether.

~O~

I stared at the glow of my laptop monitor for what seemed like hours, but was probably only fifteen minutes still trying to process what happened downstairs. My brain seemed to have short-circuited or something. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was never like this before. Cool, logical, hell, even cynical. That was me, not this sex-starved, boy crazy thing that I seemed to have become.

Well, add girl crazy to that now.

I was constantly licking my lips. I could smell Denise's perfume on me and it was making me… horny. It's the only word I could think of that fit. I craved her. I wanted nothing more than to call her back and continue what we were doing. What causes that?

The only thing I could think of was hormones. But Gramps said that with my injuries I'd lose my natural production of testosterone. And I definitely haven't gone through puberty, or at least nothing that resembles a boy's puberty. I don't have any funky hair growth. I haven't shot up in height. If anything I've grown more feminine. But that was due more to my change in lifestyle than anything else. I mean if I'm shaving my legs and bathing in lavender, and applying lotion to my skin, it's going to make me softer, a little anyways.

No, something's wrong with me biologically, hormonally.

I Googled hormone doctor and got endocrinologist. Okay. That's who I need to see. Opening up a side drawer of the desk I was sitting at I retrieved the list of doctors Gramps left with me. It was a really long list. For every conceivable thing that could go wrong he had a name and phone number, sometimes two. Friends, co-workers, clinics, hospitals. Apparently he had gathered a lot of contacts in his time as a neurosurgeon.

Trailing my finger down the list I found a name to correspond with endocrinologist. I entered the number into my Blackberry and saved it for tomorrow as it was too late to call this evening.

A regular check up probably wouldn't go amiss either, but I'd wait until the appointment with … Dr. Wilma Morris, before anything else.

The next thing that popped into my head was explaining my appearance to Gramps' friends. It wasn't like I could just dress in my boy clothes and waltz up to them. I looked too much like a girl now. Well, they're doctors. I mean they probably have seen dozens of people like me and even if they hadn't then it's a doctor/patient thing. Secrecy and all that.

I'd just go as girl-Casidhe and act like it was no big thing.

At that I thought about it and remembered the name for people that changed sexes. Transsexual. I Googled that and forgot that I had the rating restrictions turned off on my browser.

Oh… eww!

Why is it that there is so much sex on the internet? I tried adding a few qualifiers to the search and found a couple of useful sites that spoke of transitioning from a guy to a girl and vice versa. It spoke of special counselors, gender dysphoria, testing, hormones, and surgeries. Frowning at the amount of time it took to do all of these things, ideally a couple of years, I moved on.

I didn't want to go into counseling. I hated talking about my feelings to total strangers. They pushed them on me when Mom and Dad were blown up and I hated it then. I just wanted people to leave me alone. But it looked as if it were the only way I would be able to get what I wanted done.

I began listing the things I was sure I wanted to do. Lists are always good when you go to the doctor. One: I wanted real breasts. From the brief look at the porn pictures I saw how unreal their breasts were. You could tell they were implants. It was just so fake, and if there was one thing I knew I wanted it was to be as real as possible. Even if they were small they'd be me. The only way that would happen would be if I were taking female hormones.

I knew that the supplements I was currently taking were more along the lines of maintenance drugs mainly so I wouldn't experience massive problems later in life because of my missing male pieces. Gramps took good care of me. I had a running prescription that I picked up every other month or so that wouldn't run out until my next annual check up, which wasn't due until my birthday in April.

Now, my only problem was what to do about my temporary insanity bouts until I could find out what was wrong with me.

~O~

I was distracted all of Wednesday. Nothing the teachers had to say interested me during class. Chloe was busy texting Dave during lunch at which time I made an appointment with the doctor. I was pleasantly surprised to acquire an appointment the next morning, early, like the first one of the day. Someone cancelled or something; I really didn't care, speed was of the essence.

No tutoring for the day, only Ted and Jerry that afternoon. It was all business and Ted had to go right away, once more. Jerry was just as creepy as before, watching everything I did. What made it worse was that his black eyes were now turning yellowish/purple. He was healing. It was still creepy.

Ted was down to a small bandage on his hand and could write much better as a result. There, feel better knowing that?

I hadn't heard anything from Denise today. I was almost nervous about her contacting me. When I closed my eyes I could still feel her lips on me. It was insanely distracting. Every once in a while I would smell her perfume and I'd turn around only to find an empty space where I thought she'd be standing. I felt like I was cursed, or that I was being haunted or something. Maybe I should have said hunted instead.

I can understand the allure of the new girl. I really could. I mean you've grown up all your life with pretty much the same people around you all through school. Then along comes the new girl and there's something different, a new experience. Maybe that's why I seem to be the center of attention. Or maybe this is what everyday High School life is like.

Any way you looked at it I had a new boyfriend, a non-paying job tutoring, a new best friend, and a mysterious girl who supposedly has lived no more than a hundred yards away that I never knew existed until yesterday, and she has the hots for me. I keep waiting for Ryan Seacrest to pop out with the cameras for an interview. Maybe I could write a book, or script to a soap opera or something, As the Crossdresser Churns, what do you think?

I took a long bubble bath and tried my best to relax. Lavender is supposed to be relaxing, right? After checking my legs and touching up the light stubble here and there. I rinsed and lotioned up.

Standing in front of my closet was relaxing in a way. I looked at all of my clothes and it made me feel, I don't know, Zennish? Setting aside my outfit for tomorrow I donned a babydoll and fell asleep.

~O~

"Casidhe O'Connor?"

I looked up from the outdated Elle and nodded to the nurse before grabbing my purse and following her to a sterile looking examination room. I sat on the exam table and squished the butcher paper. My vitals were taken.

Then I waited. I hate waiting at the doctor's office. They never tell you what is going on. Whether the doctor is in the back banging his nurses laughing all the while as their patients are sitting there wondering what's wrong with them. But considering that this particular doctor is a woman, that's probably not happening.

Maybe she was doing her nails?

I hear movement from the door. I know it's the clipboard or folder being removed. A quick knock on the door - like I'm busy or something - and she enters. She pauses and looks at me with a puzzled expression and then back down to the file.

"Casidhe?"

I nod. "Yeah."

She shook her head. "Sorry, typo. It says here that you're male."

I was expecting this so I wasn't all with the attitude. "I am. Sorta."

"Ah."

She pulled up this neat spinning stool and sat. "So what can I do for you today?"

I start off with a question. "Did you know Doctor Connor O'Connor?"

A smile rose to her face. "Yeah, I did my internship with him at Memorial Hospital." Then it clicked. "I take you are his grand…daughter?"

I nodded. Hey I was wearing a skirt and blouse, not to mention the make up. "He had you listed as the Doctor to see if I ever need an Endocrinologist."

She looked suitably impressed. "That's high praise. How is Connor?"

"Dead. Aneurism."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

I shrugged it off. "Anyway. I just thought you ought to know that I'm emancipated. I take care of my own health care issues. Gramps saw to that."

She nodded. "Well then, I assume you provided the proper paperwork to show that to the front."

I nodded.

"Okay then. Down to business."

I gave her a brief history of my medical condition since I was injured in London, and what I had been experiencing recently.

She looked a little puzzled. "What meds are you supplementing with?"

I retrieved my prescription from my purse and handed them over. "I've been taking these for a few years."

Dr. Morris looked at the bottle and the puzzled look returned. After a second or two she opened the bottle and looked inside. She rolled back and tapped one out on the counter.

"Oh my."

I was quick on the draw. "Oh my… what?"

She slid the pill back inside, closed the bottle, and handed them back. "Don't take any more of these."

Then why in the hell did you give them back to me? "What's wrong."

"I see from the date on the prescription that you filled that particular bottle early in December, right?"

I nodded.

"Have you noticed any physical changes? Lost or gained weight in any portions of your body? Nipple sensitivity? Anything at all?"

I shook my head. Nipple sensitivity?

"How about exaggerated emotions. Have you been angry or cried a lot recently?"

I kinda cringed a little. "Um, maybe. I sorta had a little breakdown the other day."

She nodded. "Well the label on that bottle says one thing, but the pills inside are something different."

I was speechless. Imagine me without something to say.

"When did you start your transition."

Uh. "This is my second week."

She nodded thoughtfully. "I assume you're going through counseling?"

"No. Psychiatrists and me don't really get along."

"Hmm. What are your plans?"

Okay this was one I was ready for. "I want to be a girl."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Because for the first time in my life since my parents death I'm happy. I finally figured out what's been wrong with me."

She nodded in understanding. "Did this start with crossdressing?"

I nodded.

"How long ago?"

I thought about it for a second. "I really don't know. It's been years. Long before my parents were killed, so maybe seven or eight years."

She settled the clipboard in her lap. "Casidhe, I'm going to lay it out for you. You need to see a counselor, someone that specializes in this particular area. After a certain amount of sessions they will either recommend that you proceed with your transition or you realize it's something else you need to work through."

"Doc, I want to be a girl."

"Casidhe, you're fifteen years old."

I pushed myself off of the table and stood. I promised myself that I wasn't going to get angry. "Are you saying you won't help me?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. I'm saying that this is a life altering decision you are making. The pills you are taking are female hormones. That's why you are experiencing these spikes in emotional upheaval." Leaning back in her chair she continued. "You can stop taking them and I could prescribe the proper ones. Everything will go back to the way it was. You haven't been taking them long enough that it really makes any difference."

"Or," I led.

"Or you can go into counseling."

I actually thought about bribing her; I have the money. "That will take too long."

"You can always go the illegal route or go to a different country that cuts corners. But let's just say that you get what you pay for. Sometimes you can even get dead. Hormones are nothing to mess with. One size does not fit all. You can seriously screw up your body if dosage isn't just right."

I thought it over for a second. "So you just need an okay from a psychiatrist and then you can start me on the right procedure?"

She nodded. "It's that simple."

I leaned back on the table as the doctor stood. "I do want to take a little blood and see where you are at, get some baselines, etc. I'll need to contact your primary care doctor and take a look at your file as well."

"Sure," I said without a second thought.

She left. A few minutes later a nurse came in and sucked my blood while I plotted.

~O~

I pulled out the doctor's list from my purse and found a number of psychiatrists specializing in a number of different fields, but none of them really specified, I okay boys changing into girls, so I chose the most general. After making a call I was told I could be seen after lunch for fifteen minutes. I'd take what I could get.

I went shopping at a nearby strip center. No, it's not where people go to take their clothes off for money. It's those collections of little stores and an anchor store like Target or Marshall's. I was so preoccupied that I couldn't even shop.

Taking a different tack I went to a local branch of my bank and made a small withdraw, then to lunch. I thought of all the questions that I would have to answer, all of the past I would have to dredge up. The one thing that I did agree with Gramps about was, the past is the past. I'm a big fan of accepting things and moving on, living in the present, planning for the future.

Well, time to out myself to another complete stranger.

The good thing about the psychiatrist's office? He had updated magazines! The bad thing? They were all self-help, nutrition, yoga... you get the picture. Yawn!

"Casidhe? Dr. Harrison will see you now."

The receptionist pointed to a set of double doors and I grabbed my purse. Dr. Harrison met me at the middle of the room and shook my hand. He indicated a couple of chairs next to a large end table. I noted the extra large box of tissue and smoothed my skirt out before I sat and crossed my legs.

He made a note of the time and then smiled at me. "Now, Casidhe, what brings you here today?"

Best to shoot straight from the hip. "I want to change my sex and I was told I need to go through counseling before I do that. I was recommended to you through my grandfather as a general psychiatrist and thought I'd start with you."

"May I ask who your grandfather is?"

Without missing a beat I offered, "Was, and he was Dr. Connor O'Connor"

I think he finally realized who I was, or at least it finally clicked. "My condolences. I heard Connor died recently."

I'd heard that phrase a lot recently, my condolences. Do you know what it means? It means I feel pity for you. I really hate being pitied, but I nodded. I really didn't want to piss off the person that I would hopefully talk into letting me be a girl.

"So, why, beyond the obvious," he gestured to my outfit, "do you feel that you want to be a girl, Casidhe?"

I shook my head. "I'm already a girl, Doctor. I just need to have my body reflect that."

He didn't laugh, didn't flinch, didn't show any emotion whatsoever. I think that was weird in itself.

"Are you aware of what is involved in the procedure?"

I nodded. "I'm aware of the typical procedure: I would go through counseling. With your approval, I would begin taking certain hormones that would feminize my appearance, I would live a defined amount of time as female, and then I would go through a final surgery to correct my problem."

See, I did my homework. I didn't approve of it. I just wanted to get it over with… yesterday.

He nodded once. "That's a very basic outline, but correct."

"I could go into great detail, if you'd like, but I thought with the restricted amount of time we have today I'd shorten it a little."

Doctors… they don't get my humor.

Opening, what I assume was a calendar, he continued. "I'd say we could start with an hour a week, say next Thursday four o'clock?"

"May I ask you a procedural question, Doctor?"

He looked up and flicked his pen horizontally. "Of course."

"How many hours does something like this normally take?"

He paused in thought for half a second. "Well that would be entirely up to you, Casidhe, but typically anywhere from a few months to a year, depending on certain factors."

That wasn't anywhere near what I needed or wanted.

After a quick calculation I proceeded. "So, basically twelve to fifty-two sessions, barring vacation, etcetra, correct?"

Dr. Harrison shrugged a little. "It's a little more involved than that, but as you say, basically, yes."

I knew he could see me plotting. He was trained to see me plotting. It wasn't like I was trying to hide it anyway. I arrived at the doctor's office with a goal in mind: to show this doctor that I was intelligent, and goal oriented, and that goal was to be a physical girl.

"I have a proposition for you, Doctor."

He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say next. So, I reached into my purse.

~O~

Money talks, bullshit walks… uh, so don't go messin' with my three lock box… or something like that, I don't know.

~O~

I stopped by school, dropped off a doctor's note and went to class. The rest of the day was smooth sailing.

Meeting up with Chloe after the final bell was somewhat comical.

"I thought you had another breakdown, you asscake. Why didn't you email me?"

Asscake?

"I had doctor things to take care of. Gimmie a break."

She looked concerned straight away. "Is something wrong? You don't look sick."

I took out my prescription and waved it. "Guess what this is?"

"Prozac? Are you on anti-depressants?"

I took a quick look around to check for hidden microphones… hey, it worked for Chloe.

"You know that problem I had, those things that I lost when my parents were killed."

Her eyes flicked to the bottle. "Those are your balls? Ewww!"

Sometimes I really can't tell when Chloe is joking or not. It turns out that this time she was.

"So, what, those are boy pills?"

I shoved them back in my purse as we continued to the Beetle. "Sort of. I can't produce much testosterone, almost nothing, and there are some other things… anyway they're what Gramps called maintenance pills. If I didn't take them then I'd have all sorts of problems when I grow older."

She leaned her head back in understanding. "Ah."

"But in December, when I went to get my refill I got the wrong ones."

Her eyes bugged a little. "You aren't going to grow a horn out of your forehead are you? Tail maybe some little fox ears at the top of your head? Are you going furry?" She stopped and raised a finger. "Oh, and by the way, excellent lawsuit!"

I nodded in agreement. "My thoughts too. And no, no horn or furriness. They're girl pills."

Okay, now her eyes bugged a lot. "Holy crap!" She grabbed me and pulled my blouse out so she could look down at my chest. I smacked at her hands.

"Stop it!"

"Hey, where are the boobies!"

"It doesn’t work like that." I smacked her hands again. "Would you stop it!"

I looked around. Nope, Ryan Seacrest still hasn't popped up, nor was there anyone else that saw, I think. She backed up a little and giggled at me.

"So, you're on birth control pills or something? You were using protection all this time. Huh."

I shook my head in exasperation. "No, they aren't birth control pills. They are female hormones… that I have been taking every day for over a month. That's why I've been all psycho girl."

"Ah, I see." Chloe turned and continued to the car. "It all becomes clear now. So, you're on the right ones now?"

I beeped the Beetle and we jumped inside. "Uh, no, not exactly. I went to see my endocrinologist." At her confused look I added, "A Hormone Doctor."

"Ah, and he's the one that found out that you were growing boobies?"

"Okay, enough with the boobies thing. No boobies, not yet."

I think she took note of the not yet, portion of my statement, I could be wrong.

"What do you mean, not yet?"

I guess I wasn't. "Hopefully by this time, two weeks from now, I'll be taking the real thing, and then you can pester me about growing boobies… dammit, breasts."

"Oh my God! Really?" Her excitement for me came to an abrupt halt. "Hold on. I've already looked this up. Don't you have to go get your head shrunk before they allow you to do that."

I nodded. "That was the other doctor I went to."

Chloe looked a tad bit skeptical. "You're already done? One session? Wow, you are good."

I slammed on the brakes after being cut off by an idiot Senior in his mom's car. I assume it was his mom's car. I mean how many guys that look like they are on the football team drive an eighties model, sky blue, Volvo stationwagon? I flipped him off and continued on. "No, not really. Normally I would have had to go to him for three months to a year. It depends. I kind of made arrangements to do it all over a couple of weeks."

Now Chloe was stymied. "What, how'd you do that."

I grinned. "I'm very very rich."

"Cas, you can't mess around like that. Buying off a doctor? Isn't that against the law?"

I shook my head. "I'm not buying him off. I'm offering him a straight pay, and a bonus for the inconvenience. It's like a hundred dollars a session, over a year, at the outside. So $5200, right?"

She nodded. "What was the bonus? I mean he'd have to reschedule all his patients, and…"

Yeah, I cut her off. I already thought of that stuff. "$10,000 tax free. We're doing the majority of this over the next couple of weekends, so no rescheduling and I take a couple of spots through the week."

She gave me a grimace. "So, you bought him off."

I shook my head and acted insulted, clasping my hand to my chest. "I'm hurt that you would think so little of me." She wasn't buying it. "I didn't buy him off. I accelerated the sessions. There are some thing that can't be rushed, but… look, think of it as going away to a self-help camp for the weekend, except I have my own private doctor. He said he wasn't going to give me a positive decision just because of the money."

"But that doesn't hurt, does it?"

I shrugged. "I want to be a girl, Chloe. If that means I have to cut some corners then I'm cutting corners. I'm not asking him to betray an oath or something. I'm paying for actual counseling and will be receiving actual counseling. It's just a lot of counseling all at once… or over a few weeks anyway."

She pondered that for the rest of the ride home. When we stopped at her house she leaned over and gave me a hug. "I want a blow by blow about what's going on. I don't want you to do something stupid that you're going to regret, Cas."

"I promise."

She gave me a smile and hopped out of the car.

~O~

After homework time we had about fifteen minutes before Mr. Head picked up Ted.

"I've missed you this last week." Isn't Ted a sweetie? "I can't stand not being able to see you during school."

I laid my hand on his chest and relished the feel of being in his arms, even if Jerry was in the kitchen. "It's just one more day and then you're back in school."

Ding Dong! Uh, what the hell?

Since Ted was standing right there I opened the door.

"Hey babe! I'm early today"

Opening the door for Steve I saw him giving Ted the once over, like he was a speck that Steve was about to thump off his shoulder. "Head."

Ted didn't return the… greeting? Instead he stepped back and let Steve though. Before I was able to get back to my boyfriend I heard Ted's dad pull up, dammit!

I grabbed his arm and held him back for a second. "I need to talk to you Saturday night, okay?"

He gave me a confused look. "What's up?"

I pursed my lips and then waved at Mr. Head. "I'm seeing a doctor — about something personal, but I want to talk to you about it."

Now a concerned look dropped over his features. "Is it bad? Are you sick?"

I shook my head. "Not that kind of doctor. I'm not sick. It's more of a… ugh, I don't have time to tell you right now, but it involves you since we're dating."

I walked him out to the sidewalk in front of the house. "Look. I know I'm dropping a bomb on you and I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk."

"You can email me, or call. I can still talk on the phone."

I shook my head. "No, I have to do this in person."

He stopped and moved in front of me putting his back to his dad. "Are you breaking up with me?" He looked kind of scared and a little defensive all in one shot.

I grabbed his shirt and looked up at him. "Ted, I'm not going to break up with you, but after I tell you, you'll might want to break up with me."

Now he looked almost panicked. "I wouldn't do that. Jesus, why did you say anything if you can't tell me?"

"Kiss me."

He looked at me and then back at his dad.

"Ted, kiss me."

I pulled him down and felt his lips touch mine as I closed my eyes. I almost felt my heart breaking, because I knew I had to tell Ted about what was going on. I was afraid of what might happen if we got a little too hot and heavy, and dragging it on forever was a sure way to make the situation a lot worse. If he still wanted to be my boyfriend after that, well then…

~O~

After his tutoring session, Steve waved as he left, but before I had a chance to close the door I heard my name being called.

"Casidhe!"

It was a stage whisper off the side of the house. Sticking my head out the door I saw Denise leaning out and waving at me. A smile tugged at my lips. I know, I'm insane already.

I waved her in. She was wearing a really short mini skirt and low heels, not to mention the cropped cami.

"Are you crazy? It's freezing out there!"

She had a silly smile working before she moved up into me. "Warm me up."

We hugged for a minute. What am I doing?

"I had to see you tonight. I thought we left things kinda weird on Tuesday."

She pulled away and strode to the couch. Her Ash Brown hair swayed a little below her shoulder blades, and my eyes dropped to her butt and legs. Okay, I promise not to tease any more boys if I can just get through this without making things even worse tonight. I seriously didn't know how boys got through the day without jumping every good looking girl they met.

I made a decision to not let things get out of hand and sat in an adjoining lover's chair. It's one of those really wide chairs that isn't really big enough for two people, but too big for one. It was cushy and great for watching movies in if I lay down just right and hang my legs over the side.

Denise frowned a little. "I'm not sorry about what we did."

Okaaay.

"I know you have a boyfriend, and I also know that you just started dating him, but I'm not giving up."

"Denise…" I really didn't know what to say. "We barely know one another."

She nodded in agreement. "I know. But Casidhe, I really want to get to know you. Every time I see you I have these feelings."

Pulling my knees together I tried to think of something to say. "Maybe it's just hormones."

Denise lowered her head and then shook it a little. Her hair curtained around her face, not entirely hiding it from view. "I've been watching you for years." She looked back up like she wanted to take away the last statement. "I mean, I'm not all stalker-girl or anything. I've just seen you out and about whenever you were home with your Gramps. And then more lately at school."

Okay, it was kind of creepy knowing that someone was watching you without you realizing it, but it was also kind of flattering, in a way. The thing was that Denise knew of me before I was girl-Casidhe, and that made it a little easier, I suppose.

"So, why now?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I just got up the courage. I mean I saw you and Chloe at Pizza and well, I knew that if I had a chance with you then I had to come out. I had to actually get past my shyness."

This was suppose to be shy? I'd really hate to see what she was like if she was outgoing.

"I'm taken, for now anyway."

A little crease formed in between her eyes as they furrowed. "For now?"

I wasn't really sure that I should tell her about my problems, but I can let a little leak out. "I'm starting to go to a psychiatrist."

"Because you like girls and guys?"

I shook my head. "No, it's kind of personal. But I can say that it might cause a problem with Ted."

I could see a little light behind her eyes, a glimmer of hope if you will. "So if you two break up…" I could see her visibly catch herself before putting her foot in her mouth. "I mean. If that happens, would you keep me in mind?"

I leaned forward and then got up. Moving over to the couch and sitting next to her I could already feel the heat between us growing. "Denise, the issues I'm dealing with would come between us too — if it came to that."

I could see the denial in her face. "I don't care what it is."

I looked down, but there wasn't really anywhere to look but her legs. I tried to look to the side, but as I've told you before, I have excellent peripheral vision. "You would, trust me."

She bent forward and stuck her head at an angle so she could see my face. "Casidhe, I don't care what it is."

My eyes started to burn and well up. If it were only that easy.

"Hey," she whispered and tugged my head up with a finger underneath my chin.

I couldn't look at her. My eyes darted to the side and I could feel two tears drop down my face. It wasn't a second before Denise moved in to me and pulled me down with her onto the couch. "It's okay."

It was really easy to slide my hand around her waist and feel a measure of warmth and caring, even if it was only for a moment. Here she was, Denise, someone I barely knew, offering me comfort. It made me think that there actually were people that cared about other people and not just for themselves.

After a brief cry I lifted up and wiped at my eyes. I was sure I had raccoon face. "Sorry, I'm probably scaring you right now."

Denise shook her head and smile sweetly. "Us girls have to let it out every once in a while."

A small choke of laughter escaped from my lips. "I wouldn't know, I'm a boy."

No, I have no idea why I said it then. It just came out. And then I realized what I said. I felt the panic gnaw at my stomach and my throat tightened up. Denise's mouth opened a little and her face showed the barest amount of surprise.

"Oh."

She stalled, uncertain of what to do. It looked like a thousand thoughts were running through her head. Her gaze dropped from mine and looked around the room. She stood and walked over to a box of tissues. After grabbing three or four she walked back and handed me the majority.

I blew my nose and wiped a little at my eyes before she scooted closer. "Here, let me."

Denise dabbed at the edges of my eyes and underneath a little before wadding it up and setting it on the table. "Casidhe, I need to know something."

I followed her with my eyes. "What," I croaked.

She leaned in again and kissed me. It wasn't like Wednesday. This time is was slow, and testing before it grew more intense. I felt her gently pushing against me until I leaned back on the couch, again finding myself under her direction, under her power.

Her knee brushed my skirt higher until our legs entwined. I breathed a sigh of relief and need into her mouth as we opened to one another.

Denise's hand trailed down and found mine, moving it up to cup her breast. I almost lost it right there. Acceptance, encouragement. It was almost more than I could ever hope for and it was coming from a girl that barely knew me, or perhaps knew me better than anyone else in the world. It was a toss up.

It must have been about thirty or forty-five minutes later when we untangled ourselves from the confines of the couch. My face was flushed with need and warm from the kisses we shared. My tummy was tight with wanting more of what we had experienced, and it was getting tighter still from the look on her face.

I tried my best to make light of the situation. It was the only way I could act. It was my escape. "Um," my voice was raspy until I cleared it softly. "Find out anything?"

Her eyes dropped to my lips and my neck. "Uh huh."

I was beginning to get a little nervous. "Uh, anything I should know about?"

She smiled a little, showing a tiny bit of her gleaming white and even teeth. "I'm still very much a lesbian and you're no more a boy than I am."

A protesting look appeared on my face. "But…"

She cut me off with a kiss, a soft peck really. "I mean I don't see any boy sitting in front of me. I didn't feel any boy kissing me and touching me like you were."

I couldn't help it. I moved in and grabbed her, burying my face in her neck, holding on for dear life.

Photo Credit: Olga http://mgpg.wordpress.com/2006/09/25/olga-super-red/

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To Be Continued...