Either Do it Right, or Don't Do it at All (Part 8)

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Either Do it Right, or Don't Do it at All
Part 8

Lilith Langtree

"You don't want to wait 'till tomorrow, do you?" I asked in a really whiney way. I didn't want to do this right now.

Ted gave me a very small shake of his head.

"I'll go make myself scarce," announced Chloe before escaping to the kitchen.

"Traitor," I whispered.

Part 8

Waking up the next morning was one of the most wonderful feelings I'd ever had. Normally I'd be grumpy or want to spend more time in bed, but this time I wanted to really meet the day. The sun was shining, but there was still a brisk chill in the air. After my quick shower is when I noticed it in the bathroom mirror.

Two bruises about the size of a quarter on either side of my neck. At first I was confused and thought I'd injured myself somehow, but they were in exactly the same place on both sides, a mirror image. Then it clicked in my tiny brain. Denise had given me two hickeys.

I was thrown back to last night on the couch and the feeling of sweet bliss. Her mouth on my neck, marking me, letting the world know that I was taken, if not by her specifically, then by someone.

Letting the world know. Letting the world know. Letting Ted know!

I had a mix of emotions that ran through me at that moment. I wanted to hide. I wanted to run to Ted and spill everything. I wanted to be forgiven. I want to display them proudly at school. I wanted to cover them up and hope for the best. I'm a coward, I chose the last one. After all, the turtleneck was made for a reason, and today it wasn't for keeping my neck warm, that was just a bonus feature.

Moving about Desmond High School was almost surreal on Friday. Denise was everywhere. I'd be standing at my locker shuffling books, and I'd feel the brush of a hand across my lower back and the scent of familiar feminine musk perfume. Turning my head I'd see her pass by and a quick glance over her shoulder at me. A knowing smile.

At the bottleneck doors I felt another hand on my butt, giving me a firm caress only to turn and see Denise there, looking forward as if nothing was wrong, but then dart her eyes at me and raise one corner of her lips in a sexy smirk.

At lunch, I wanted to tell Chloe everything, confess that I had been bad, that I had betrayed Ted, that my body was humming along in sexual frustration. That my mind was replaying those minutes of exploration and acceptance from the night previous over and over again.

I kept feeling at my throat. Just a light caress to see if I could actually feel Denise's mark's. I couldn't, of course, but still. My imagination was going into overdrive. I was driving myself nuts!


At Study Hall I checked my Blackberry and found a message from her.

Casidhe — You look beautiful today! I was very happy to see you in that turtleneck knowing what was underneath. I'm not sorry about the hickeys. I'm not sorry about what we did last night. I am sorry that I waited so long to finally meet you. I'm not sorry that your hands were all over my body last night and your beautiful legs were against mine. I just wish we didn't have to stop and that I could have stayed the night with you, woken up beside you.

Maybe we can have a sleepover. I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind me coming over for a girls night. She's still blissfully unaware of my sexual status.

Would you like that Casidhe?


Okay, I have one word for that… gulp.

I almost let my thumbs rip across the keyboard in acceptance. There are advantages to being a emancipated minor with your own house. What would you do?

But I owed it to Ted to come clean. I could already see where this was leading. I'd break up with Ted. It was almost a foregone conclusion at this point. Yes, I'm an assfriend. I was being ruled by my hormones, which I was still taking, by the way. (I'm not letting a minute go by where I'm not trying to achieve my goal of being a girl.) My rational brain was taking a vacation, maybe to Moscow or something. I hope it had to walk.

However, I did owe it to Ted to face him first. I screwed up when I accepted his offer to be his girlfriend and not tell him the truth about me. But I was willing to shoulder the blame all on my shoulders and not blame the heat of the moment or the full moon, or Conservatives, or whatever.

It was at this point I chose to not reveal my sexual stasis to him, my holding point between boy and girl. It would only make things worse. I wouldn't lie, but I wouldn't reveal the whole truth either. There was no need to make Ted feel horrified on top of being dumped. I'd go out of my way to hype him up to other girls. His reputation had already jumped leaps and bounds over the quiet art geek he was before.

He wouldn't have a hard time finding another girlfriend. A real girlfriend.

Rationalize, Casidhe, rationalize.

I sent Denise a short reply.

D~ I'm going insane thinking about you today. I'm talking to Ted Saturday night. Maybe next Friday or Saturday night would be a good sleepover time. Can we have a pillow fight? I hear they're fun.


What was I doing? After a minute of thought I decided I was skipping the whole brain thing and going with my heart.


"So, today's the big day?" remarked Chloe as we buckled our seatbelts after school.


She gave me a short penetrating look. "Mark Tanner? Baseball god? Remember, you're tutoring him? And since you're on the pill, you could probably do him."

I started the Beetle and really didn't think anything of it. "Yeah, he's coming over at six."

She didn't and most probably couldn't hold back from my lack of giddiness. "Okay, what the hell? You were all bouncy-girl over the mere thought of having him in your house three days ago and now it's, no big deal?"

I gave her a small smile. "I'm over him already. You were right. He's out of my league and it will only lead to trouble."

Chloe turned around and checked the back seat then looked at my chest. She reached over and patted at my breast's. That's when I smacked her hand. She leaned back and gave me an eyebrow. "Just checking to make sure you haven't been taken over by a pod person."

My face scrunched up in reply and I pulled out.

"Mind if I come over and join the homework crew this afternoon?"

I shrugged. It really wouldn't make a difference. "Sure, the more the merrier." A quick glance at the radio clock and I added, "They'll be there in about forty-five minutes so we can have a little girl time until then."

She nodded. "Cool, maybe I can figure out what's up with you."

I looked over at her and then back to the road. Hey, I actually made it through the parking lot without being almost killed!

"What do you mean. I'm fine, I'm me."

I saw Chloe, out of the corner of my eye rummaging through her purse to pull out a lipstick. She dropped the vanity mirror on the sun visor and touched up. "You are most definitely not you today. You've been all jumpy and acting weird."

"I have not." I tried my best to think if I was acting jumpy. Okay, maybe I was.

"Oh, yes you have. And you've been…" She stopped and looked at me. I could see that she was scrutinizing me. I felt like I was under a microscope. "Why are you wearing a turtleneck today? It wasn't that cold this morning."

Oh crap, what the hell? Is she psychic or something.

"Uhh, I was… it was there and I… aw hell."

I gave up and just folded down the neck so she could see the damage. I cast a quick glance her way and saw her eyes light up.

"Cas' got a hickey, Cas' got a hickey," she sang.

My cheeks burned a little in response. "It's not that big of a deal."

"You and Ted get a little hot and heavy last night?"

That's when my face went into full red fury. I sometimes hate having this pale of a complexion. There's no hiding my blush from anyone, ever. "It wasn't from Ted."


Making a left onto my street I tried to suppress the heat building to record amounts in my face. "It was from someone else."

Her eyes bugged and she fell back against the door. "Oh my God, not Steve!"

I almost jumped at that, but I did give her a disgusted face. "Eww, no!"

Nancy Drew apparently possessed Chloe at that moment because she had a mystery to solve. "Well if it wasn't Ted, and not Steve, that only leaves…"

"Definitely not the TroglaGreen."

"There's nobody else? Who was it, Cas?"

I shook my head as I turned into the driveway and hit he garage door button. "I can't say. She's not out of the closet yet."


At that I pulled into the garage and killed the motor. "I'm bisexual, Chloe. Remember?"

She shook her head to clear the cobwebs. "Oh right, I keep forgetting you weren't born a girl."

A warm feeling filled my chest at that announcement. I set my hand on her leg and gave it a slight rub. "That's the best thing I've heard in last few weeks, Chloe. Thanks."

We barely made it in the back door when she announced that she knew who it was. "It's your Monday girl, what's her name, Joanne!"

I stopped by the fridge and grabbed a Coke. "Nope."

Now Chloe was well and truly frustrated. "GAH!"

I popped the tab on my soda and right when I was about to take a sip it was snagged away. "Hey!"

Chloe gave me a smirk and skipped through the living room and up the stairs. I grabbed another Coke and followed along. I was really hating my jeans at the moment and wanted something airy like a skirt or a mini.

I wound up with a violet Gypsy number and matching sleeveless V-neck to go with it.

"Oh my God, you have two hickeys!"

Crap, I almost forgot. I still hadn't checked myself out in the mirror. I couldn't let Ted see them. After making my way through my accessories I found a wispy scarf that hung past my waist when worn properly. There, perfect!

"Are there any more that I should be aware of?"

I swear, at this rate I was going to have a full on flush the entire afternoon. "No, that's it." I think. I mean I really hadn't checked out my entire body, but I was fairly confident that we didn't go much farther than some serious petting last night.

I kind of stalled and looked at Chloe while she was almost scanning me head to toe.

"Really, no more surprises," I promised.

She waved the issue aside. "I was thinking we need to do something about your breasticles."

Okay that was a new one on me. "What's a breasticle?"

"Your breasts. As in, you need some."

Rolling my eyes I gave a little snort. "I'm not stuffing my bra. It's just so fake. And even when I start going whole hog on hormones it'll take a little while."

Chloe sipped on her Coke and then crossed her legs as she leaned back. "I'm talking about breast prosthetics. You know, like the kind breast cancer survivors wear? I'm sure you can get a pair."

I scrunched my face up in negativity. "Won't it look kind of weird if I show up the next day bouncing around?"

"They come in all shapes and sizes, Cas. You don't have to look like a stripper. Just something to give you a little shape up top."

I wasn't really convinced. "So if I wanted to get something just to fill my A-cups?"

She nodded. "I don't see why not?"

"Huh." Learn something new every day.

"I'm sure we can call a clinic or a doctor's office. Maybe they can tell you where to find a place to buy some."

I shrugged. "I'll call on Monday, or maybe ask my doctor tomorrow."

Ding Dong!

I looked at Chloe and shook my head. "I have no idea. The boys still have almost a half hour before they're going to be here."

I slipped my feet into a pair of sandals and we made our way downstairs. I didn't run this time. Look ma, no gaping head wound!

A quick peek and I cringed, but opened the door anyway. "Hey Ted! You're early."

He entered and I waved at Mrs. Head. Crap!

"Oh, hey Chloe," I heard Ted say from behind me.

"Ted-a-licious. How's it going?"

Tedalicious? Okay. Whatever. I closed the door and turned around giving Ted a quick smile. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. Thank God Chloe was here. I'd feel even worse if I had to push Ted away from a real kiss. It didn't take a few seconds of leering at me in a I'm here early because you freaked me out last night kinda way, before I was feeling incredibly guilty and uncomfortable.

"You don't want to wait 'till tomorrow, do you?" I asked in a really whiny way. I didn't want to do this right now.

He gave me a very small shake of his head.

"I'll go make myself scarce," announced Chloe before escaping to the kitchen.

"Traitor," I whispered.

Ted walked over to the couch and laid his pack down before sitting. "So what's this news that you think I'd dump you over. I gotta say that it must be really bad. I mean anything short of cheating on me…"

He caught my eyes at that last statement and I looked away. God, I can't even make it easy on him, can I?


I didn't even get anything more out before he cut me off. "That's it, isn't it." He stood and looked at me. "I knew it was too good to be true."

I couldn't lie to him anymore. "Sort of. It's something more than that."

"More!" His voice raised. I could see he was building up a full head of steam.

"Ted, something physically is wrong with me. You wouldn't want to be with me."

He stopped, froze. I could still see he was mad, but now it was tinged with concern. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. I couldn't say anything because my throat was so tight.

He approached me and I stepped back, but I could see the anger had left him almost as fast as it had begun. "Casidhe?"

I had my head bowed in shame, tears were already running down my face. He moved his hand up and tilted my chin along with it.

"Baby, we can work though it. Whatever it is."

I looked in his eyes and I almost believed what he was saying, but it wasn't fair to him. He deserved someone that was going to be faithful to him and I knew I couldn't promise that. Our relationship was not even a week old and I was cheating on him.

"I'm… I'm not a good person, Ted," I blubbered.

He took me in his arms and pulled my head to his chest. "Oh bull."

Ted held me while I cried, but I couldn't take it. I pulled back from him and ripped my scarf off. "There, that's how bad I am. I cheated on you!"

It didn't take him long to see the two marks Denise left. He just stared. I couldn't meet his eyes for the shame so I just stared at the staircase.

He became really calm. I could still see him. Excellent peripheral vision, remember?

"Did you do it because of what's wrong with you, or because you don't love me?"

Christ! What a freaking question! "I… I…"

"Let me make this a very simple question then, Casidhe. Do you love me?"

"It's not that simple, Ted." There, that came out without a blubber-fest. It was still emotional, but what can you do?

"Answer the question. Do you love me?"

The kitchen door opened and Chloe walked out, plain as can be. "Yes, Ted, she loves you. But like she said, it's not that simple."

Ted spun around. "You know about this? Are you the one she's having an affair with."

Chloe shook her head solemnly. "No, I'm one hundred percent heterosexual, Ted. But I did know about it. I found out today just a little while ago, but I've known about Casidhe's medical condition for a bit longer."

He looked at me and then back to Chloe. "She won't tell me what's wrong."

Chloe walked up and lay her hand on his shoulder. "It's best if you don't know."

Ted shrugged off her hand and backed away. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why can you know and I can't? I'm her boyfriend. I love her!"

"And I," Chloe said thumping her chest lightly, "was the one who discovered what was wrong with her in the first place. That's why I knew. She didn't tell me, I told her, and now she's seeing a doctor that might be able to help."

Oh the tangled web we weave.

Ted was almost in a panic. "Is it cancer? Are you going to die?"

My eyes found his again. "No, nothing like that."

Chloe got my attention and gave me a really stern look.

Dammit. "Ted, I'm asking you, I'm telling you that you don't want to know about this. Please don't make me tell you."

I could see the conflict on his face, but his reasoning skills were out the door. "I'm not a total ass, Casidhe. I can take it."

Chloe moved away and went to get me a tissue.

"Fine, but remember I warned you."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath. "Fine, go ahead. Hit me."

I looked over at Chloe and watched as she nodded.

"I'm physically a boy."


He stared at me and then turned to Chloe who nodded. His face was granite. His eyes were the only thing that I could read any emotion off of at all and they were turning bloodshot and glassing over.

Ted didn't say anything, but he turned around and went over to his back pack and sat on the couch. I looked over at Chloe again and she gave me a puzzled, I don't know what the hell he's doing look. He pulled out his sketch book and opened it a few pages in and started tearing them out one by one.

His sketches of me… God, no Ted. My hands went up to my mouth. He must have tore two dozen out by the time he was through, and then he put his pad back in to the pack and zipped it up. My hands were wet with my tears, but I didn't know what to do. I just watched as he found the small trashcan in the room and dropped them in. Without even a final glance at me he opened up the front door and walked out, closing it behind him.

I wanted so bad to run after him, to tell him it was a sick joke, but I knew it wasn't and that made everything all that much worse.

A tissue was pushed into my hand and Chloe wrapped me up from behind. "It'll be okay."

I wiped at my eyes. "No it won't, Chlo. I hurt him bad."

She turned me around and held me until my breathing calmed. "Why don't you go upstairs and clean yourself up. The troll is going to be here any minute."


I heard the doorbell ring again while I was splashing cold water on my face after scrubbing off my destroyed makeup. I almost ran downstairs to answer it, thinking that it might be Ted coming back to say he understood and forgave me, but then I heard the TroglaGreen's voice.

Moving slothily to my makeup table I made note of my puffy eyes and red nose, and tried my best to repair the damage. I wound up being a little more dramatic than I originally intended, just because I was covering more area than I usually do… puffiness and all.

Maybe I should go Goth? Nah.

About thirty minutes later I dragged myself into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke. I was seriously overdue for my afternoon caffeine. The TroglaGreen's face look even worse, if that was possible. The bruises were all mostly yellow now which gave him a decidedly jaundiced look.

"I heard Head broke up with you… OWW!"

Jerry jerked and grabbed under the table at his shin. Chloe sat to the side pursuing her Grammar book, appearing highly disinterested. He gave her a scathing look and turned back.

"Sorry. I meant that it was his loss, he's an idiot."

My brow furrowed as I tried to figure out what Jerry was getting at. He saw my confusion.

"I mean… you're hot."

Chloe planted her face in her palm and shook her head mildly in disbelief. Jerry saw the movement and looked at Chloe. "What? She is!"

The scene gave me a little bit of relief and I almost felt a little bit better. "Thank you, Jerry." See, I wasn't beyond a little gratitude, even from the socially inept. "Let's get back to homework, okay."

He looked somewhat satisfied and rubbed at his shin again. It was about ten minutes later when we were all sitting at the table thoroughly engrossed in whatever subject we were working on that Jerry had felt a serious need to continue.

"I'm sorry about the lunchroom thing."

I looked up from my books. "What?"

He still had his head down like he was reading. "The spaghetti. I'm sorry about spilling it on you."

I blinked a little. "Okay, um, the past is the past. Apology accepted."

His head tilted a little to the side to look out of his eye at Chloe. I saw his lips thin slightly like he wanted to say something else, or maybe ask something else… oh no. No please.

"Do you maybe want to go see a movie tomorrow night?"

Chloe dropped her pen and tilted her head up to see my reaction. Jerry still had his face planted firmly in his book acting like he was an innocent bystander knowing nothing about what just left his mouth.

Of course my face went red as my blush made itself known.

Me and the Troll. Wouldn't that make Ted's day?

"I don't know if that's a really good idea right now, Jerry."

That brought him up from the depths of homeworkland. "Next weekend?"

He jerked again. "OWW!" Pulling his chair back, he scooted closer to me, away from the pain that was Chloe's boots. "Quit kicking me! She's a free girl."

"And you're an insensitive ass," Chloe shot back.

I moved a little to the side to give Jerry more room and me more breathing space from his advances. But I did set my hand on his for a moment. "Thank you for the offer, Jerry. But I've discovered something about myself…" Oh why not. "I'm a lesbian, or at least bisexual leaning heavily toward…"

I saw Chloe's head jerk to me and shake furiously.

"… girls."

Jerry's mouth dropped open. "Oh God, that is so hot." His eyes dropped to my neck and finally made the connection. "Oh, that's why… right. Well maybe some other time then."

It was an hour later that I walked Jerry to the door. He was holding his backpack in front of his belt rather awkwardly. An hour later and he was still hard from my revelation. Well, apparently I just gave him enough fantasies to last for the next few weeks. Great, Casidhe.

"Well, uh," he began. "Thanks for the tutoring. I'll see you in Homeroom Monday?"

I nodded. "Sure, Jerry." I tried to steer the subject away from dating and lesbians. "You have my email address if you have any questions. I don't mind helping out every now and then."

He showed me a bright smile, and the yellow around his eyes faded a little, I guess from the slight blush that was quickly creeping up on him. On my God, I did not just tell him to email me socially. Casidhe, when will you ever learn to just shut up?

"Great, I'll do that."

Ding Dong!

We both jumped a little and a giggle escaped my mouth before I could catch it. Crap, he's going to think I'm flirting!

Before any more damage could be wrought from my stupidity I answered the door. "Mrs. Greene!"

"Mom," Jerry didn't sound to happy to see her.

"Hello, Casidhe," she glanced at Jerry. "Sweetie, why don't you wait for me in the car."

Okay, what person in their right mind would call the Troll, sweetie?

Jerry gave me a parting, and somewhat bashful smile before departing for the family truckster. Once he was out of range Mrs. Greene held out her hand. I took it and she squeezed firmly.

"I just want to thank you for whatever you did this week. Jerry seems to be a different person." Her smile threatened to rip her mouth at the seams. "He's been studying more and seems very reflective lately."

My forehead bunched up in confusion. "Uh… I don't know if that was me, Mrs. Greene."

She shook her head in denial. "No, I'm quite sure it was you. A mother knows when her son is in love."

Okay, I tried to keep the shock off of my face. I mean really, could you hold a straight face with that kind of revelation.

"Oh don't act so shocked. You are quite the cute young lady, and you are smart. It makes young men want to better themselves to gain your attention."

Alright, what is it with mothers trying to hook their son's up in this neighborhood? First Ted's mom, now Jerry's. I was still speechless and she took it to mean that I was interested or something.

"Well, I better get going. I have to get dinner started for my boys. Thanks again for your help, Casidhe."

I nodded and shut the door as she left. That's when I heard the giggling from behind. Chloe was red-faced, out of breath, and looked like she was having a heart attack.

"Not -- one -- word," I said as I pointed my finger at her and walked back to the kitchen to put my books up. I had everything zipped up and sitting to the side when she came in, still red, but somewhat controlled.

"How do you do it? One week and you've had enough crisis' that take the average person months to experience." I gave her my evil eye in response, but she kept on. "I mean I should start a betting pool to see what happens next. I could make thousands!"

I retrieved my scarf and wrapped it around my neck as I ignored my supposedly best friend.

"What are you doing that for? Secret's out."

"Mark will be here in a little bit and I don't want to give him ideas."

Chloe's eye's widened and she got a silly grin on her face. "Oh God, more drama to come. Come on. What do you think is going to happen tonight? He'll make a move and get shot down? Maybe join you and your mystery woman in a frantic three-way on the stairs? Maybe he'll actually be gay and want your advice how to ask Jerry Green out on a date?!"

Okay, the last one was kind of funny, but very eww. "Out!" I commanded. "I must check my make up and hair," I said haughtily. "I have just enough time to take you home if you want."

Chloe shook her head. "I'm gonna walk. It's warm enough, still. But thanks." She grabbed her backpack and grinned at me before taking off. The bitch. Sigh.


Ding Dong!

I flipped off the television and got to my feet to answer the door. I was determined not to flirt unknowingly tonight, but the whole thing being unknowing makes it kind of difficult to know what I should know not to do.

I have a confusing and complicated life.

Mark looked gorgeous, of course, but I set that aside as I was not going to cheat again. I had an unofficial girlfriend, but the unofficial status was just a matter of time. I wasn't going to screw this one up as well.

"Hey Casidhe."

I smiled up at him. God he's freaking tall. "Hello, Mark. Ready to get down to it?"

I blinked. Crap. Well there goes that unknowing thing out the window.

He gave me a return grin and nodded. "I was thinking that, well, I haven't eaten and well, maybe we could do this over dinner. My treat."

My empty stomach overrode my common sense, but I stalled in answer.

"Olive Garden?" he offered. "Can't you hear the breadsticks calling your name?"

Bastard! He had to mention the one thing that sent my mouth watering. "Okay, let me get my purse and lock up. Come on in."

I ran upstairs and to get my purse and then downstairs to switch my necessities over from my backpack. I actually froze a little when a handful of stuff included my tampons, but Mark looked away at that moment.

"You have a really nice house."


He had his hands in his pockets and was looking comfortable enough, like he does this all the time. "Parents working late?"

I shook my head and snapped the purse closed. "Nope, dead parents."

His eyebrows rose a little. "Oh, that sucks."

That brought a little grin to my face. Finally a good response to that personal revelation. It was true. It did suck. He wasn't sorry for something that he had no control over, and he didn't pity me. The situation just sucked.

"Is this your relative's house or something?"

Slinging my purse over my shoulder. "Nope, it's mine. I'm emancipated."

He stalled for a second. "You mean you live here all by yourself? All self supporting and stuff?"

I nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."


Yes, he was a gentleman and opened the car door for me. Mark was the proud owner of 2009 Dodge Viper, in Viper Red. Yes, I almost had an orgasm just sitting in the thing. Yes, Mark's parents must be insanely rich to afford this hundred thousand dollar car for their son. Now I could see why Lisa was so jealous. If she could land Mark as a future husband then her life was set. It still didn't excuse her bitchy-ness, but it was understandable.

We arrived right at the front of the dinner crowd so were lucky enough to be seated within a few minutes while all the rest of the suckers in line had to be tortured by the wonderfulness that is the smell of fresh baked breadsticks.

We had a booth that was secluded enough with cute little imitation Italian glass separating it from other booths and the theme to the godfather playing in the background. I love me some Fettuccini and Pasta Fagiloi soup. Sigh.

With my prompting, Mark whipped out his pocket-sized copy of the Constitution and we perused the way the U.S. Government was set up by the founding fathers. No, I'm not going to go into my interpretation. I tend to keep my political views to myself. Suffice it to say I gave him multiple reasons behind what I though certain passages meant, or why things were done the way they were.

He had a real big problem grasping the concept of the Electoral College. Most people do. He was also stunned at my ability to recite the vast number of Amendments.

"How can you remember all of that. I have to cram hard the night before to even remember my Calculus formulas and once the test is over it goes right out of my brain."

I giggled. "It's the way I learn it. Everyone is different. Some people can just read and memorize, while others have to say it orally while they read. I personally find that if I use all of my senses it really sticks in me."

"Your senses?"

I nodded and pull over the copy. "Look, I can read the cover like this." I sat there quietly and read. "Or I can read and speak the words. 'The Constitution of the United States of America'. That's actually three senses I just used: my eyes, mouth, and ears. If I wanted to add another sense I write."

"Oh, cool. So what works best for you?"

I shrugged. "I'm an oral person. There's nothing like a good mouth."

I froze. Oh my God. I freaking did it again. Mark was a good sport about it and laughed. "I agree."

Okay, four alarm fire! My face just may explode.

"Maybe we should get out of here." Please, say yes. I can't take anymore embarrassment today.

With a snicker he pocketed his receipt and we made our way back to the Viper.

"Watch your skirt," he warned.

I looked down and noticed a little slip of it was hanging out, along the door. "Thanks."

He closed my door and I waited patiently for him to make it around to his. "God, I am such an idiot sometimes."

We were out of the parking lot and back home before I came out of my embarrassed stupor. He pulled up in the driveway and after taking it out of gear turned a little toward me.

"Thanks for going out with me tonight, Casidhe. I had fun."

I fiddled with my purse strap and tried not to look like I really had fun too. "Yeah, it was cool." There I kept it simple. Good girl!

"Maybe we can make this a regular thing." He said it matter-of-factly, not asking my permission, but only my assent. This guy was cool as a cucumber. I nodded. "Okay."

Can I play the nervous little girl out on a date good or what?

Mark held out his hand and I took it for a friendly shake, except he squeezed it just enough to make me think it was something more. I seriously had to get inside before I did something monumentally stupid.

"Night Casidhe."

"Night, thanks again."

I popped open the door and slid out. God that's a really nice car. He waited for me to get the door to the house open and wave before backing out and speeding away.

I did it! I actually made it through the evening without making a total ass of myself. Things were looking up!


Photo Credit: Olga http://mgpg.wordpress.com/2006/09/25/olga-super-red/

To Be Continued...

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Not the typical TG teen story.

I'm really emnjoying this story. Despite all the plot machinations and contrivances it took to get her there, Casidhe feels genuine. It really makes you want to root for her and hope she gets through it all okay.

Lilith_Langtree's picture


Thanks Jennifer!

I root for her too! But it's good that I'm still getting Casidhe's feel right. That's what I shoot for!



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Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

So Mark has a "Viper" I -WILL NOT- call that suggestive.

Hi Lili,

This posting two stories might just get confusing. I see Denise's neck interests in light of your other story as an 'interesting' cross-over. I mean the whole 'sucking blood to the surface of the skin of the neck' is fairly vampiric in nature, isn't it? Will Chloe be playing the 'Van Hellsing' character? Casidhe is already very close to appearing vampiric in her promiscuity. I mean even the 'Troglogreen', broken teeth, yellow/green face and all, is receiving some consideration. Cas might actually have to slow down some if she was actually inducted into vampirism, it would be hard to suck all the blood out of one victim quickly enough for her to be finished before her next appointment/date showed up, never mind hiding the bodies.

Thanks for sharing.

with love,


with love,


Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

Lilith_Langtree's picture

Funny that you should say that

I pondered slightly a crossover at a certain point, but I think that would turn off my Casidhe fans since she's in the real world. Maybe I'll have her coming out of a store while (Wayne) is going in. Just a little cameo or something. (wink)

Now all I need is a succubus story and the circle should be complete. But then I'll be copying all of Maggie Finson's work and that wouldn't be right. It's weird because I've been wanting to do a 'Hell' story as well. Well, great minds and all that.

Hmm, Chloe as Van Helsing? Then Mark would be Johnathon Harker and Lisa could be one of the 3 vampire sisters. Jerry would be Renfield. Ah yes, I can almost see the whole cast!

Now, as for Mark's Viper... that was pure coincidence... really. Um, dammit. Can't I be just a little mysterious?




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I Have Nothing

I have nothing to add by way of comment. Normally, that would mean I wouldn't add one here. I do, however, just want to let you know that I'm captured by your story, reading along, and looking forward to each new installment.

If little notes of appreciation will help encourage you to keep going, consider this one of them!

Lilith_Langtree's picture

Thank you!

Sometimes someone else says it all, but even a little thing like you just wrote is heartfelt! It lets me know that you are still reading and enjoying what you read.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, Pippa!



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Funny and full of angst

all at once. You've done a good job at hitting at the soul of what it is to be a teenager. The whole thing with Ted and her trying to tell him, he didn't want to know. Guess what? He didn't! The bit with the drawings was well written and really showed just how much he felt betrayed. What she really needs right now is a big sister, but all she has is Chloe. A good friend yes. Useful advice for getting Cas out of this mess she is in? Maybe not so much. Good story!



Lilith_Langtree's picture

Poor Casidhe... (pout)

It wasn't that long ago that I have forgotten what my teen years were like, so it's really easy to write. Especially that feeling that you are the center of your universe and very few people can understand what you are going through.

We're not through with the drawings as of yet. (wink)



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littlerocksilver's picture

Doing It Right

I certainly hope that Casidhe does it right. I don't like it when good people get hurt, whether it is intentional or or unintentional. Portia


Lilith_Langtree's picture

Just do it.

Ah, well, Casidhe doing it right... Hmmm. She's a plethora of pain, angst, and mirth. There's no telling if or when things will get really nasty.

Thanks for reading!!!



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I have to

I'd like to add my voice to the disliking of people getting hurt.

How does Casidhe manage?

To not spontaneously combust, or implode, over the epic amount of drama that is her life? Jeez! Give the girl a break! (Even though most of the drama is totally her fault...and the hormones, let's not forget the hormones)

I feel sorry for Ted. He's a really good guy. But now he finds out that he's been dating someone who used to be a boy (which he might understand and accept after cooling off), who kinda cheated on him on top of it (that's harder to accept, as Ted didn't really deserve that). Such is the life of hormone-flooded teenagers.

Then there's the troll learning of Casidhe's sexual preferences. Gotta love Casidhe's cluelessness in giving him food for thoughts for the next 2 weeks! She couldn't have done it better; "I mostly like girls. So I frequently have hot make out sessions with other girls while still giving you hope that something might happen between us if you clean up your act".

And finally Mark. He's smooth. Dangerously smooth. Casidhe won't see THAT piece of drama coming, so she'd better focus.

The dangers: there are now 4 people who know Casidhe's secret. Chloe and Denise are obviously safe. Ted should be able to keep it in, but you never know what might be said in anger. And then there's Lisa. Remember Lisa, she started this whole mess? I'm pretty sure she'll be happy to blab to the whole school if she thinks that Mark might have a thing for Casidhe.

I love how fast you write your stories, but I honestly don't know how you do it. You're not sacrificing quality for quantity, so I must conclude that you are a robot and don't sleep.


"Fun-loving geek-chick looking for someone who doesn't give a damn about her past"


"Fun-loving geek-chick who's addicted to sunlight!"

Lilith_Langtree's picture


It's the only way to alleviate what ails ya.

Ted: I'm with Casidhe on this one. I try to warn people not to ask questions that they really don't want truthful answers to. I'm a blunt and very truthful person. My long time friends know better. She warned him time and again. Poor bastard.

Jerry the troll: That really wasn't planned. It just came out as I wrote. But I try not to imagine what Jerry is doing at home tonight... Gah!

Mark: I dated a Mark. He was just as smooth as he is in the story. Lulling you into a false sense of security before he snaps like a Viper... oops.

Ted: He won't consciously say anything for fear his reputation will be smeared anymore than it already is, but like you said, anger can make you do weird things.

Lisa: Still hasn't put two and two together. She doesn't know who Cas is, but I have a feeling that's about to change. They really shouldn't have gone to Olive Garden.

The secret to writing 3000-5000 words a day: Monster Energy drink (green of course), A nice recliner to ease my sore back, Easy-peasy plot lines with fun characters, and a passion for writing. An ergonomic keyboard probably wouldn't hurt either. The sides of my hands are smooth. You know the palm prints you have on the outside of your hands...I don't have them. That's how much I type. No please excuse me while I go change the power source located in my chest. It's running low and I have a chapter of Transpires to get out so people don't lose interest!




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What mirth!

This is such a charming story. It makes me wonder if all TG stuff should just be handled with brutal honesty and out in the open. Seriously, the only folks who ever hurt me were the religious Muggles.

Of course, this is not a TG story is it really? I am also wondering if the little problem that Grandfather alluded to will be further explained? Goodness, I hope that some predator doesn't break into her house and do awful things.

Of course, she seems resourceful enough that she probably has something lethal hidden away.

Many Blessings



Lilith_Langtree's picture


I'm the kind of person where if people can't take brutal honesty then they really don't belong in my life. So yeah. If the subject is broached than I tell them flat out. Yes, I do use garlic in my sauce and crossdress whenever I can. If you don't like either then hit the road.

It's not a TG story?? Maybe not your atypical one, but yep.

Gramps was hinting that he knew about Casidhe's crossdressing. That was pretty much it. I didn't directly come out and say it but it was hinted around.

You are the first person to say something abut Cas living alone and unprotected. (wink) Huh, imagine that. Hmm, might make a nice little sub-plot.

Thanks for reading and commenting!!!



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Casidhe is sooo insensitive mew, and jeez such a flirt too. She needs to get that under control or she'll never have a stable relationship, and sorry Casidhe, hormones are no excuse for poor behavior mew ^^

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Bisexual, transsexual, girlie girl, princess, furry that writes horror stories and proud ^^

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transsexual, gamer, little, princess, furry and proud :D

Lilith_Langtree's picture


Poor Casidhe. She doesn't mean to flirt. It just comes natural.



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Natural Flirt

The story is in many ways a wonderful fantasy. In the starting scenes, the child is set up with plenty of money and emancipated. It is an ideal situation for Her.

As far as flirting is concerned, I have the most social connection with the 20-30 age group, who could generally care less that I am T. GBLT issues simply are not of social note. I have made many good friends and have been known to be extremely affectionate to those who suddenly turn up. So, the affectionate side of Casidhe is very credible to me.

To have been emancipated, her grandfather had to have seen the need for Casidhe to have the ability to protect herself, and to have taught her means to insure that.

I still own a rather large pistol and the damn thing has protected me twice in situations that I could have been either killed in or seriously assaulted. No blood shed however. The sight of that cannon pointing at them has been a great deterrent.

Anyhow, I am having a wonderful time with this.



Lilith_Langtree's picture


One thing that everyone seems to have forgotten... remember the one box of things Casidhe was able to retrieve from her parents house before Gramps sold everything? What were its contents? First chapter, early on. I wasn't going to mention it, but it's her safety has been brought up a few times already.




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Unable to say

Since the box has only appeared that one time, with no further discussion, we have no idea what Cas found inside, or if she has even opened it. So everything would be blue sky speculation. If you want us to talk about it, you will have to provide us with enough information to be able to speculate further.

I might guess it has critically important medical records of Cas's, or as you imply it might have a like-new Colt 45 semi-auto pistol. Which she can not buy ammunition for until she is 21, emancipated or not. Somebody her size shooting a 45 auto for the first time with no prior training, the first shot would probably hit the ceiling as it knocked her on her ass. A smaller size pistol might make it more controllable, but for some reason I see a 45 auto.

But who knows?

Lilith_Langtree's picture


Awww, you didn't even try, Withheld!

Here's the quote from chapter one.

"I kept a hand full of pictures, Mom's jewelry, Dad's pistol, the fireproof box that was found under their bed, various knickknacks, a couple of books, and the family computer. That's it."

No speculation needed.




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I didn't have time to go back and look a little while ago, was busy on some other stuff. Now I see where the pistol came from, but there is still nothing about the contents of the box. That type of box usually contains important documents, but you can put anything in one that will fit, so we are back to square one. No info, no way to speculate.

Lilith_Langtree's picture

Okay I give, I'll tell you

It's a small thermonuclear device. It looks like a rubber ducky, but don't let it fool you. Those things are vicious when they encounter the little toy subs in the bath tub. The best thing is that you don't have to worry about fall out. You have to make your own sound effects though.

No, I won't be throwing in a mystery item to make any potential attacker fall down to be later captured by the cops. I'm not that lame. I put the pistol there just in case I wanted to use it later in the story. The box is there for any documentation that I need, etc. No mysteries. I leave little things like this for any glaring plot holes I might encounter.

Hey, where did Casidhe get the gun?

Hey, where did Casidhe get that original copy of Superman #1 and the nude autographed pictures of Jennifer Garner?

Those type of things.

There, lots of info. Just nothing I want to put into the story because it serves no useful purpose at this point.


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Casidhe's birth certificate is probably in there, for when she wants to get it changed.

Not insensitive

Cas is five or so years behind her peer group in social skills due to the way her grandfather raised her after her parents were killed. She now has been thrown into the deep end of the social pool with no training. That certainly doesn't make her insensitive, she has a pretty steep learning curve ahead of her. So cut her some slack, her mistakes are honest ones. mew? ;-)

Lilith_Langtree's picture


She is socially inept, having been raised with Gramps and very little interaction with people her own age. That's why Gramps wanted her to go to High School.


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I pick one to be my favorite

and this is the one. I grip my keyboard with trembling hands waiting for each new post before I go into seizure. Thanks for a really fun story, Arecee

Lilith_Langtree's picture

Don't squeezed to hard!

I don't want you to break your keyboard! And ease up on the caffeine, baby! Trembling hands are never any fun. But other than that Thanks!!!!!




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There Are A Lot Of Teds In Schools

There are a lot of Teds in schools everywhere. I was on the nerdy side when I was growing up. I am well aware of what it is like when people toy with your emotions. I had people hurt me that took it for a joke and didn't realize that there was real hurt there. I never took a chance on anyone again because I couldn't bear having my emotions dragged through the wringer again. I just hope that Casidhe finds some way to apologize and salvage her friendship with him. Casidhe just needs to take a step back and slowdown. She is taking a huge chance by being seen with Mark and if the truth got out, then the damage could be more devastating because of who Mark is in the school hierarchy. Great job Lili!


Lilith_Langtree's picture


Tons of Teds in schools. Agreed. I knew quite a few.

It sucks when people treat what you find a very serious matter with hateful humor. Some deal with it better than others. I developed a very thick skin regarding treatment of me. THe only people that matter to me are my friends and family, others can go stuff themselves.

Ted and Casidhe have some things to work out, but I really can't go into that without spoiling things. Just wait and see.

Mark and Casidhe. The drama has only just begun.

Thanks for reading Jen!



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Poor Ted

Poor Ted,First real relationship and then he finds out he's been dating a boy, Still i suppose it's better to find out sooner rather than later....After all the competion is getting quite fierce and Casidhe is quite spoilt for choice..... As always Lili You make your stories so very readable and i can never wait to read your next posting.
.......Hugs Kirri

Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

I'll try an answer before Lilith gets back to you

Hi Kirri,

I would just like to say, Ted had declared himself as bisexual to Cas shortly after they met. His being upset by Casidhe's gender doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Ok, the cheating thing is another matter altogether.

with love,


with love,


Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

Lilith_Langtree's picture


Lets see if I can pull this off in a way that makes sense. I won't be spending a lot of time on this in the story so I'm not revealing anything important here.

Ted was outted as "gay", he admits he's bisexual. And he presents himself as ashamed of being outted.

Now, he's gone to a lot of trouble to cement his return to heterosexuality, at least in the eyes of his classmates, by beating the crap out of Jerry . So he's back in the 'acceptable' crowd, and gaining popularity. We don't know what kind of emails or phone calls he's received as of yet from this display, and everyone already knows that he and Cas are dating.

So, he's about to come out of social pariah hell and Cas announces that she is actually a he.

So, perhaps, in his mind... I'm not saying it is, because I haven't written that part yet, but perhaps in his mind he was just slammed right back into Gay-ville.

Add that to the cheating and well... there you go.




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Lilith_Langtree's picture

Yep, Poor Ted

I can sympathize with his plight. I think Casidhe is too busy digging herself out of trouble to be too spoiled. (wink)

Thanks for reading, Kerri!!



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This is quickly becoming one of my favorite stories. I find myself checking to see if Lilith has left us gem. Oh and Lilith, fear not the cliff hanger, it keeps us wanting more. I would like to know if you have written anything in fantasy settings? I love your cheeky way of writing, it almost always leaves a smile on my face. :) Keep up the great work, and if you have not written in any fantasy setting, please try to. You are simply put, awsome sauce.


Lilith_Langtree's picture

Funny you should mention that.

I just released a little Fantasy story today. "Faerie Queen for Life"

Thanks for reading, sweetie. I'll have the next 'Do it Right' right out.



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Either Do it Right, or Don't Do it at All

Lilith; I only have one thing to say: It's been 15 days since the last chapter, When are we getting another?? Lov this story! Richard


Lilith_Langtree's picture

That's three things, hello!

It'll be the next thing out. I promise. Really. No more sidetracks.



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I really like this story

I really like this story Lilith, I was wondering if you are going to continue it? I noticed you are writing others now?

Lilith_Langtree's picture

Actually I'm pumping away on Chapter 9 right now!

Thanks for your interest. As promised I am writing my little hands into nubs at the moment to please this story's fans. (wink) My poor fingers. :D

Perhaps tomorrow I will have a new chapter out.



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Either Do it Right, or Don't Do it at All (Part 8)

Love the way that Cas is developing as a girl, although I think that Chloe is starting to cause her problems.

May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine

Teen Angst

I can really empathyis(?) with Casidhe's angst at this whole "dating game". Even though my own kids are now teens, Casidhe's emotions feel very real.

Several things about Do It Right or Not at All 8

Hi Lilith!

1- The photo credit Olga Super Red link doesn't work- says no such page.
2- I hope I'm wrong (haven't read past 8 yet), but I think Casidhe is headed for the biggest social (and probably more) train wreck in fiction history. As for fact- the Tanya Harding thing and the mother who tried to get her daughter on the cheerleading squad are two off the top of my head. She's got so much going on, in so many ways, that I can't see any way she can survive socially. She'll survive physically (if not bashed up by Lisa or others; especially if she ditches school, goes directly for a GED, & engineers her way into college), but socially & psychologically, doubtful.

Just my take on all that happened in this chapter, which is a *lot*.


You think Lisa was a bitch before

(B B B Baby) You ain't seen nothin yet, if she hears about this "date". Her head with figuratively explode.

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