Before going to bed, I log into my email account and what do I find? Another email from Joey! Laurie gives me an I-told-you-so look when I tell her. He sent the email late in the day and attached another of the pictures taken yesterday. He asks how my day went and if I've found out anything about the race on Saturday.
Ugh! What do I do? I decide to ignore it for the time being. I feel bad to ignoring someone who is trying to be friendly, but Laurie has me concerned that Joey is looking for more than just a friend. Maybe if I send him a thank you email late tomorrow he'll take the hint that I'm not interested in establishing a romantic relationship. Why can't we just be buddies?
Chapter 19: A Night Out
The cool breeze feels good after the climb. The view from up here is phenomenal–it’s definitely worth the climb.
I am sitting on a mountain peak which overlooks a mountain pass and taking a long drink from a water bottle. The Major and Tom are with me. Our little ‘family’ group have spent the morning driving around and exploring the regions north of Anchorage, and have finally ended up at a state recreation area that includes some historic mine buildings and some absolutely spectacular alpine scenery. After poking around the old mine buildings for a while, the three of us decided to hike up to a small lake nestled in a natural bowl on the side of a mountain overlooking the recreation area. The mile-long hike to the lake was easy, but the lure of the summit only a thousand feet higher up caused us to continue to the top by scrambling across a small snow field and up some loose rock.
Laurie and the rest of the ladies decided to continue exploring the mine buildings. I think Laurie was not keen to get too far away from the outhouses given her current monthly predicament. She has been a frequent visitor to bathrooms the last couple of days. I don’t think that she would have liked the final scramble anyway.
“Wow, you’re a pretty good hiker for a girl,” Tom observes.
“Didn’t you think a girl could do it, then?” I ask, somewhat indignantly.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” he replies, blushing.
“So what did you mean?” I ask expectantly. I decide to try the girl trick of making him squirm for making a stupid comment. It is interesting to watch how uncomfortable he gets. His father isn’t helping him either. The Major just sits back and allows Tom to either dig his own grave or find a graceful way out of the hole that his mouth has dug for him.
Tom sputters as he tries to come up with a good save. “Most of the girls I know would have needed some help getting up here–that is if they would have even tried. You just seem like one of the guys the way you just go for it.”
I arch my eyebrow and frown. “So now I’m ‘one of the guys’? Maybe I should lower my voice and start flexing my biceps,” I say, holding my arms up in a muscle-man pose.
Poor Tom is getting really red by now. I wonder if I should let him off the hook mercifully.
“Ugh! That didn’t come out right either,” he says in frustration.
The Major smiles as he finally provides his son with some advice, “Give it up, Tom. There are times when you just can’t win so just cut your losses and let it go.”
To me he says, “I think what my son is trying to say is that he doesn’t know any pretty girls like you who are as good at this kind of activity and he is happy to have you with us today. I don’t think that he has learned how capable girls can be in the outdoors when they choose. Maybe we should send him on a hike with Private Clawson for an educational experience.”
I laugh at the suggestion. “Tom, you might be right about most girls but I am not most girls. However, you need to learn how to be a bit more diplomatic like your father. And watch out for stereotypes. Come to think of it, you hike pretty good for a guy! After all, I know plenty of guys who would never have made it up here either.”
This got a great laugh from the Major. Tom–on the other hand–was not amused. His pride had taken rather a beating and he is careful in his comments as we trek back down the mountain to join the others.
At one point, when Tom is out of earshot, the Major says, “You have come a long way this week, Princess. The way you handled Tom back there was a very typical response from a strong-minded woman. You will have to reach out to him now that you’ve put him in his place and let him know you are not out to get him personally.”
“I’ll try,” I say. “I didn’t mean scare him off, just to make him think a little before he opens his mouth and puts his foot in it.”
As we re-cross the little snow field I make a snowball which I toss at Tom while he is not looking. This act touches off a three way snowball fight that has us all breathless and laughing by the time we call a truce. I was the big loser in the fight. Let’s face it, this female body is not much of a match in a snowball fight with an older teenage male and his father. Regardless, we all had fun and Tom seemed to feel better afterwards. We had a lot of fun on the rest of the tramp back to the car. I even managed to squeal and giggle like a girl during the snowball fight and as we poked fun at one another on the way down the mountain.
---< >---
“What a pain!” I exclaim in frustration. Everyone–except Laurie–seems bewildered by my total inability to do an acceptable job of applying eye shadow after four tries. We–Laurie, Ashley, Kimi, Shelley and I–are all in Ashley’s bedroom adding the finishing touches for tonight’s grand entrance.
“Haven’t you ever dressed up for a date?” Shelly asks in frustration. “I’d think that even a tomboy would have to apply makeup from time to time. I’ll never understand the few girls at our school that don’t know about makeup. They don’t have boyfriends either.”
“Tina hasn’t dated much,” Laurie says–‘at least, not as a girl’ I add to myself. “She just sticks to the basics.”
“I’m pretty good at it. Let me help,” Ashley volunteers.
I am delighted to accept her offer; I don’t know why, but I guess I feel embarrassed by my lack of girl skills and resolve to spend more time learning. I pay close attention to what Ashley does, asking questions about the finer points as she goes.
It is twenty minutes later when, finally, we troop into the family’s front room as a group. Ashley’s parents and two younger brothers are there.
“Oh my,” Ashley’s mom exclaims. “You girls are certainly going to be the center of attention tonight. I feel sorry for the poor boys. They won’t be able to watch the movie at all. I just have to get a picture of this!” If my folks had seen what the Alaskan girls were wearing, they wouldn’t have let them out of the house. Even so, I have to admit that we all look pretty hot, though I think Laurie is the best looking of the bunch in her new skirt and blouse. I can’t help but wish that I was the guy taking her out tonight.
I still feel rather exposed in my new dress and am constantly fiddling with hem, trying to make it longer. There is a lot of free space in the skirt and I don’t feel very covered. I keep worrying that the strapless bra is going to fall down too.
“Stop that, Tina,” Kimi says, as I tug at the hem of my skirt again. “It is not going to get any longer.”
When Ashley’s dad comes back with the camera, they pose us in front of the big fireplace and take several pictures. I dig my cell phone out of my purse and have him take a couple of pictures with it. Ashley’s dad promises to email us a few of the pictures taken with his real camera.
In no time at all, we are crammed into Ashley’s little car and heading for the theatre. There is much excitement in the air as the girls predict the effect we will have on the other members of the group. Me–I’m just trying to figure out how to sit in the small back seat of the car without showing my panties–what there is of them–to the world. It is a good thing there are only girls here! I spend a lot of the drive thinking about how I might manage to exit the back seat of the two-door car gracefully.
Parking is hard to come by at the theatre and there is already a long line of people stretching out of the door into the parking lot. Fortunately, some of our group are near the front of the line.
Mercifully, the only parking spots that we can locate are on the far side of the crammed parking lot, so I can get out of the car without a big audience. Somehow, Laurie and Kimi manage to exit gracefully from the back seat with their knees together. I try to imitate them but it is awkward and my efforts are not nearly as smooth. I just wish it was dark outside, but no, I have to do it in broad daylight–does it ever get dark here? Exiting a small car gracefully in a short skirt is just something else that I must practice.
I totter through the parking trying to balance on my new heels. Someone decides that we need to link arms and make our entrance as a group. What is it with girls? Everything seems to be a group activity. As I get dragged along I have to admit that it is kind of fun. At least I can hide in the little group.
Glancing at the rest of the crowd gathered at the theatre, I realize that we are very overdressed for the occasion–most people are very casually dressed. I see only one other skirt in the crowd. We really stand out, but I suppose that is the idea. As we approach the line to where Tom and his friends are waiting for us, we attract several whistles and I see at least two girls elbow their dates when the boys became distracted.
Our contingent is pretty big–half the swim team must be here. Laurie and I are introduced to more than a dozen other kids, mostly guys. We get lots of positive comments from them about our outfits. One of the girls took Ashley aside and asked her why she didn’t tell the other girls what we were doing. She felt that we made the rest of them look bad. The other girls in the group are pretty cool towards our little gang. The guys, on the other hand seem unable to stay away from us. I feel like I am on display when I’d much rather melt into the crowd.
“Wow,” Tom exclaims, “You all look great tonight! Ashley, you should have said something, I would have dressed a little nicer.”
“Do you have anything nicer?” Ashley enquires. “I’m beginning to think that all you own is jeans and hiking clothes. Anyway, I like you just the way you are. We just felt like doing something special tonight. Tina here thought that she needed to look nice and we decided to join her.”
That’s not how I remember the story, but it’s not worth fighting about.
A guy named Don decides to get friendly with Laurie and I. “So,” he says, “I hear that you girls only here for a couple of more days. How has your visit been?”
The poke in the ribs that I get from Laurie seems to indicate that I should field this question. “It has been very interesting. Alaska is a lot different from what I imagined. I’ve been learning a lot on this trip.” About more than Don will ever know!
“What have you been up to?” Don asks.
I spend some time telling him about our two trips and the shopping excursion. I also mention that I have been preparing for tomorrow’s race. Somewhere in the conversation, I note that Laurie has struck up her own conversation with another boy. I can’t hear what she is saying but I don’t think that she is doing that flirting thing again. I hope not.
While I am chatting with Don, two other boys and a girl join us. One of the boys, Jerry, has lived in Southern California; his family is military also. The girl, Connie, is originally from Texas–her parents are in the oil business.
Eventually the line starts to move and we make it into the lobby of the theatre where we order pizzas and drinks for the movie. We end up ordering a mix of pizzas, breadsticks, and pitchers of soda pop. One of the girls decide that WE need to use the restroom before getting seats, so we send the boys to stake out our place while all eight of us girls head for the restroom. It seems that every other girl in the theatre has same idea because there is a long line for the toilets. It is mad house in here.
While we are waiting our turn Connie asks, “Tina, you don’t wear a dress and heels often do you? I’ll bet Ashley and her pals put you up to this.”
“How’d you guess?” I ask.
“You need to quit fussing with the hem of your dress and you’re not real steady on those heels,” she explains.
I sigh, “Yes, the others put me up to it. Something about learning how to express my femininity. They told me that I’m too much of a tomboy in everyday life. I’ve never gone out like this before and I’m not sure that I like it.”
“Well, Ashley, Kimi, and Shelly are a bit over the top most of the time,” she says, matter-of-factly, “but you do look pretty nice. I have to admit that I’m glad that you’re leaving this weekend. Jerry can’t seem to take his eyes off you. I’ve been trying to attract his attention for a year now and this is the first time that he’s asked me out. I doubt that I could compete with you if you decided to grab him for yourself. I think that Don and a couple of the other guys are having the same problem so at least he would have some competition.”
“Neither of us is in the market for a boyfriend,” I try to assure her. “Laurie has a very steady boyfriend at home and I don’t have time for one.”
“Yeah,” she says unconvinced, “just make sure that your hormones stay in check tonight, girl. I’d hate to lose in one evening all the ground I’ve made with Jerry over the past few months. You don’t know how hard it’s been to get him to take me out.”
I sense that Connie is placing a shot across my bow. I get the warning.
“Look, Connie,” I tell her. “Neither of us are here to cause trouble. Believe me, right now I don’t want to stir up any romantic entanglements. You can have Jerry, if that’s what you want. I won’t be doing anything to attract him, or any of the other boys, tonight.”
“You already have, Sugar.” she says. “Dressing like that has only one purpose–to attract guys.”
A stall comes available and I welcome the opportunity to break this conversation which is beginning to get intense. After finishing our necessary business, Laurie joins me at the sink where she suggests that we touch up our lipstick.
“What’s up with that girl?” she asks.
“She has the hots for Jerry, one of the boys I was talking with in line,” I tell her. “This is the first time that she’s gotten him to take her out and now she thinks that we are here to steal him. She’s a tad jealous I guess and was politely telling me to stay away from him.”
“So,” she asks, “are you going to steal him?”
“Laurie!” I hiss at her in an urgent whisper. “Why would I do that? I’m not into guys, remember? I have a girlfriend. Even if I was, why would I want to hurt a girl that I just met, particularly when I will be gone in less than forty eight hours?”
“I don’t know,” she says, “I just thought that you might want to practice your feminine wiles where you won’t get stuck with an attachment. Don’t you think that he is kind of cute? As a matter of fact, don’t you think all the boys are pretty cute? I think that Don is a regular hunk. Swimming really develops those luscious chest and shoulder muscles. Try letting go of Chris for a few minutes and look through the eyes of Tina.”
Our time is up in front of the mirror and we are crowded out of the way by others. As we leave the restroom I grab her by the arm and drag her into a corner of the packed lobby out of earshot of the rest of our group.
“Why are you doing this?” I demand angrily.
“What?” she asks innocently.
“You know what,” I fume at her. “Why are you pushing me at guys? It seems that you have forgotten that I’m your boyfriend.”
“I only see Tina here,” she shoots back. “Tina needs to learn how to be a girl. Part of being a girl is to listen and respond to what our bodies are telling us. I just think that you will be happier when you learn to let go of Chris and act like the person that your body says you are. Look, I am, and will be, faithful to Chris. I really like him, but he’s not here right now. Tina is and it’s my job to help Tina find herself. I don’t expect you to jump into bed with any of these guys but I don’t want you to deny it if your hormones kick in and cause you to have the normal feelings that go with the body that you currently occupy. The sooner you learn how to deal with the feelings that every girl has the better.”
Don comes out to find us and spots us in a heated debate in the corner.
“Hey, girls, the movie’s about to start,” he informs us cautiously.
“Save us a place,” I tell him with a glare. “We’ll be there in a minute.”
Turning back to Laurie, I inform her, “I am not having any female hormonal urges tonight. I am having a hard enough time dealing with this dress and the heels. They are more than enough of a distraction for me. I don’t have time to worry about being distracted by boys so if you want to help me you can just back off a bit.”
“Okay, Tina, “ she relents. “I’ll back off, but I won’t run interference for you either. Just let me know if you get in over your head and I’ll help where I can.”
Inside the theatre, I discover that Don has saved me a place at a booth table with him, Jerry and Connie. Connie doesn’t appear to be too happy about that. Tom and Ashley have included Laurie in their group with another guy.
The seat that Don saved for me is between him and Jerry. I realize that this won’t go down too well with Connie, so I ask Jerry to trade places with Connie so that Connie and I can get to know each other better while we sit together between the two boys. Jerry looks disappointed but Connie seems to appreciate the change in seating arrangements.
For me the big challenge is to sit and slide gracefully into my place at the table wearing this short dress. I realize that I can’t just climb in like a guy so, keeping my knees together, I sit while smoothing the skirt of my dress under me then turn and slide into place. It is awkward, but I manage to maintain my dignity. It feels so strange to have my legs so exposed and a bit of a draft up the skirt. It is also proving difficult to get used to the feel of the strapless pushup bra and exposed shoulders. I am aware that Don and Jerry have spent a fair amount of time admiring my breasts. Swell–maybe the pushup bra wasn’t such a great idea. I am wishing that I had brought a light coat so I could cover up.
Our food arrives just as the movie’s opening credits roll, so the opportunity for conversation evaporates. I’m fine with this.
It seems strange to be eating while watching the movie. We make some noise passing the pizzas around the various tables until everyone gets what they want, then settle in for the show. We are crammed into a booth style seating, but I still think that Don is getting more cozy than he needs to be. At one point his hand ends up on my thigh. I make a point to remove it and after that he pretty much behaves himself. I do catch him glancing at my chest from time to time and wonder if I was ever so obvious when I was a guy. I’m pretty sure that there is nothing wrong with Don’s hormones. Me–I’m feeling defensive so I don’t have any inclination to check out the people around me–especially Don.
Once everyone is settled and the ground rules established, I finally allow myself to focus more on the film. For a while I forget my predicament and just get lost in the action. I suppose that is why most folks go to movies–to forget about the cares of real life for a while. The strange part the situation is that I can’t decide whether to identify with the hero or the heroine. I find myself projecting into both roles. I can really connect with the hero but I find that I have a new connection with the heroine as well. I find myself asking how she can run and fight like she does wearing a tight skirt and heels. I find myself wishing that I could look that good and be as capable. I can’t decide if my new observations are good or bad. As the closing credits begin to roll, I find myself slowly returning to the reality of my current situation with a few new issues to think about.
“Tina,” Don asks, “are you coming to Leah’s house with us? We’re planning on having a party there tonight.”
“Yeah,” Jerry adds, a bit too enthusiastically for Connie, “You can ride with us if you’d like.”
I’d been told about this gathering earlier and don’t plan on going.
“I’d love to, guys,” I reply, “but I have a big race in the morning so I need to get to bed pretty soon.”
I can see the disappointment in their expressions. Connie looks very relieved; then Laurie catches up to us with a couple of boys in tow.
“Hey, Tina,” she says, “are you going to the party?”
“I wasn’t planning on it,” I answer with a sinking feeling. “Who’re your friends?”
“Oh, sorry,” she says, “This is Harry and Sam. They invited us to ride with them to the party.”
“If you remember,” I reply rather testily, “I have a race in the morning and need to get to bed. I’m hoping that someone can give me a ride home.”
“We can drop you off on the way,” offers Harry.
“Gives us a minute please,” I tell everyone as I drag Laurie off to the side.
“Before you get your panties all in a twist,” she says cutting me off, “I am not running around on Chris. I promise that I am not flirting or chasing guys. I am just relaxing and getting to know some new people. Think about it. If you were here by yourself as Chris, you would do the same thing. So don’t go getting all jealous on me.”
“It would be easier if two girls had invited you instead of two guys,” I point out.
“Look at the girls,” she says. “They’re all distracted by the guys. None of them are interested in the new girls.
“Listen,” she continues, “I know that you need to get home and get some rest and I’ll go with you if it’s important to you.”
“But you’d like to go to the party,” I observe.
“Yeah, I would. I think that it’s nice to meet new people,” she says, “and I’d like you to come with me. We’d have some fun together and further your training. However I’d rather not upset you. You’re important to me.”
She sure knows how to put me in a dilemma. So, do I put my foot down and have her come home with me or give her my blessing to go to the party? If I make her stay home, she is likely to be resentful and the lack of trust on my part might actually be damaging to our relationship. If I let her go without me, I’ll be jealous and worried. If I go with her, I won’t be in any shape for the race tomorrow. There is no good outcome to the decision before me.
In the end, I decide to let her go without me. That is the riskiest of the options but the only one where only I am potentially harmed. I decide that I need to work on having faith in her and confidence in our relationship.
---< >---
The quiet rustling sound that I hear is what must have woken me up. Without moving, I can see Laurie preparing for bed by the dim light in the room. I can also see the bright red numbers on the digital clock. It is 11:45 and Laurie is down to her underwear. She certainly does have a nice figure. She slips off her bra but leaves her panties on. I get just a glimpse of her bare breasts before she slips on her nightgown. I find myself disappointed that, after spending almost a week managing my own new female breasts, this first view of hers is rather an anti-climax. It does absolutely nothing to arouse me. But then again, I haven’t been sexually aroused all week by anything or anybody.
As I pretend to be asleep, Laurie quietly slips into bed with me and lies facing me. I fully open my eyes and softly say “Good evening, girl friend.”
“Oh, Tina,” she quietly replies, “I tried not to wake you. I’m sorry!”
“’T’s okay,” I reply, “I wasn’t sleeping well anyway. You’re back fairly early. Did you have a good time?” Part of me is hoping that she had a miserable time.
“I guess it was all right,” she tells me. “That Don guy must be hard up for a girlfriend. When we got to the party he stuck to me like glue: it got to be annoying pretty quick. He’s a nice boy but he’s nothing like Chris. I kept finding myself comparing all the guys to Chris and they always came up short. I know that you’re still here, but I miss having your arm around me. I miss being a couple. It is like I have lost my best part. What’s so frustrating is that you’re not really gone but I still can’t have what I miss. I don’t know if this make sense but in a lot of ways it would be easier for me if you were away at camp.”
“Me too,” I reply dejectedly. “If I was at camp, then I wouldn’t have so many of the confused feelings I have. I find it difficult to be around you as Chris in hiding but, strangely, I like being with you as a girl friend. I feel like two different people–sometimes at the same time. On one hand I want to hold you as my girlfriend and enjoy the sexual tension and excitement that exists in such a relationship. On the other hand I am enjoying learning about girl things with my best girl friend–someone who will always be there for me. I really liked being your boyfriend and I really like being your best girl friend. I know that I can’t be both at once, but I’m not sure that I can switch between them. Am I making any sense?”
“Yes,” she says, “I feel a lot the same way. I really really like Chris and I like having a boyfriend that makes me feel warm all over. I like being held and kissed. I really like being with Chris and long to be with him again. On the other hand, I am finding Tina to be a great friend who needs me. She also helps me see life from a different perspective and the result is I think I’m becoming a better person by hanging out with her. There are lots of things that I can share with Tina that I would never feel comfortable sharing with Chris. I love Tina as a sister and really enjoy her. I know that I can’t have both, but I like both. This situation is really awkward.”
“Laurie, I’m afraid of letting go of Chris for the summer,” I say with some anguish in my voice. “I’m afraid that it will be hard to bring him back.”
She reaches over and puts her arm around me and pulls me close so that our foreheads touch like two girls sharing a secret. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” she whispers to me. “Look how well you’re adapting to being Tina without any prior experience. It should be much easier to go back to being Chris than it has been becoming Tina. Besides, I will do my best to accelerate the transition when it happens! In the mean time, I like having you, Tina, to be my favorite cousin and I will do everything in my power to help you be the best girl that you possibly can be. Being a girl is not all bad, you’ll see!”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I confide, “I’m so afraid that, if I let myself go, I’ll like it too much to go back.”
“Well, girl, it seems to me that you’ll have to go back to being Chris. After all, how would you explain Chris’s disappearance? I would miss him terribly. Just think, if you didn’t switch back then we’d both need to find new boyfriends; and let me tell you, girl, guys like Chris are rare and very hard to find. Anyway, letting yourself go may make the transition back to being Chris harder, but not unbearable, and I think that it will make your summer much more fun. Think about it, girl friend.”
I do think about it–a lot–before I finally get to sleep.
---<>---
Thanks to Gabi for her work on this chapter. She had her work cut out for her!
Comments
"Anyway, letting yourself go
"Anyway, letting yourself go may make the transition back to being Chris harder, but not unbearable".... So very true!...But just what does Tina really want?... I,m not too sure even she knows just yet!
Laurie's attitude seems to be go with the flow and enjoy being a girl for the summer, I guess that's the easy option, After all it would make Laurie's's training job a lot easier, But you can't help thinking the longer Chris is Tina, The bigger the problem of going back will become
Tiff, Your story just keeps getting better with each chapter you post Thank you for sharing it with us.
Hugs Kirri
She doesn't get the warning, does she?
Tina warns her friend that Chris might not be able to return, but I don't think she is taking the warning seriously. At the end of the summer, he might be gone forever. That puts them in a strange situation. I wish there was a simple answer.
Mildred
A Different Question
Either I'm not remembering things as well as I should (I didn't go back and re-read after the layoff) or there's been a significant shift here. True, Chris has been telling us that his mind has been adjusting and no longer complains about feminine feelings and behavior. But for him to extrapolate from that and decide that it's not going to be resilient enough to switch back seems absurdly improbable -- the whole point seems to be that his mind is comparatively quick to adapt to changing circumstances, including hormonal urges. (Whether or not it'll want to is a separate question -- we'll get to that in a minute.)
Anyway, I thought the general concern before now was that this experimental procedure that he's part of is sufficiently untried that it's possible that he won't be able to switch back. Some have suggested that either the experimenters are almost certain that it won't work in reverse or that one or more of them are motivated to prevent the reversal from occurring.
Obviously, though, that's not Chris's/Tina's spoken concern here, and Laurie's behavior can be taken either way when she encourages Tina to allow herself to be attracted to the boys in the group, here in a situation where flirtation wouldn't have lasting consequences. That could be coming from secret knowledge that Tina won't be able to change back, but IMO it seems more likely that it's just part of the dry-run aspect of the whole thing: Tina will have a better idea how to deal with potential summer romances with spy suspects if she learns right now what her feelings are in analogous situations.
Anyway, Tina refuses. I think she's telling Laurie the truth that she's scared of her own potential positive reaction, and the consequences it would have for their relationship. And Laurie's response is that (1) Chris won't have an option in the matter; he'll have to switch back, and (2) that Tina will be a lot happier if Chris allows her to react naturally as a girl would as events unfold this summer. Again, it seems to me that's what Laurie would say whether she had secret knowledge or not. But I feel more comfortable operating under the simpler theory that Laurie's reactions are natural.
Eric
I think part of the issue is
You are using logic, while others are using their own hope for Chris to be Kris. It's not the story that is important sometimes as much as the character being female in the end...IMO anyways based on comments across a lot of different stories...
A few of us
Actually, there are a few of us who want to see Chris overcome the things that are being done to him and sucessfully become himself again at the end of the summer. Chris is/was happy as a male, he had no interest in crossing the gender divide. His position on women was not bigoted, demeaning, or abusive, there is/was no reason to "punish" him as is found in so many forced fem stories.
Should it prove impossible for Chris to be restored to his normal, natural male self at the end of this, then morally his mother and the others at The Lab are no different than Margo Simon in JulieO's Protector stories. And that includes Laurie and the Major and their families.
I'm one of those
I'm one of those who thinks there is a real danger for Chris not wanting to be Chris again at the end of the summer. Not that I wouldn't want that to happen, I like him and I understand why Laura is attracted to him. But at the same time, if I try to relate this to my own experience ...
I don't understand at all how men can be happy as they are. I feel so much better since I transitioned. I guess it's hard for me to imagine someone who has the opportunity to be female for a moment, and later still prefer being male. Perhaps, with time, I'll understand. And I also do know that my view is very limited and that it's perfectly normal for most men to like how they are.
I guess I also like having Tina around, but I wouldn't mind Chris. Of course, it would be more difficult to identify with him, but I like him as well.
Mildred
Two by two
Well, you gotta remember ideally, for each happy, healthy female there needs to be a happy, healthy male. It would take half the fun out of life for most women if they didn't get a man as part of the package.
Most readers on here would like to go through the process that Chris has been subjected to, it would be a dream come true. But that is not Chris's dream. He is/was a healthy, normal teenage male, respectful of his elders, nice to his friends, and loving to his girlfriend. The kind of young man we need more of. The way this whole process has been handled, if Chris comes out the other end a happy, healthy hetero female, than the likelyhood is that the process has altered his way of thinking along with his physical sex. That is mind conditioning - brain washing if you like.
Remember, a process that can turn a hetero male into a hetero female can also be used to "correct" various mental disorders like those that GLBTQ people have, according to society's viewpoint. A gay male can be made into a hetero male, a gender dysphoric person can be changed to be happy with the body they were born into. The possibilities are limitless. Got a competitor for the vice president's position at work? For $20,000 we'll make him a cute, big-boobed, nympho secretary for you.
This is truly one of those "letting the genie out of the bottle" situations. If it was real I'd be very, very frightened. I know my parents would have paid to make me "normal", had the process existed.
Double standard?
Like you, I question Chris' return. From early on, I had the impession that that he was indeed gone and for the sake of an experiment, his birth-mother intentionally or due to sloppy reasearch, unintentionally, killed her son and gave that person to another life - one he didn't want.
But allow me to make a general observation? Please keep in mind it's not directed at any specific individuals... I did say 'general observation'.
I clearly understand and respect the point of view expressed in the above quote, but I find it a bit of a 'double standard' that a common blog/comment/storyline theme with the general TS population is their expression of the constant mental pain and unhappiness they experianced every minute they had to pretend and live out their lives in the wrong body for the sake of satisfying society.
However, with the premise of 'forced' situations or in the case of this story (the total physical transformation and mental training/brainwashing, of a 100% hetrosexual male, with no TG/TS tendancies or history), I have to ask;
"By your desire to see him remain female only because being female in your mind is much better that being male, are you not wishing to condem 'him' to the same pain and discomfort for the rest of 'his' natural life, as you experianced before you transitioned?"
As long as Kris/Tina retains any of Chris' memories, this will be the case and 'Tina' will continue to feel as if she is two people - at the same time, like Kris suggests in their bed-time chat.
Some people in this world are happy being male....
PB
Emasculated Men of the 21st Century
I think that Feminisim was good in some ways but extremely destructive in others, and I hope to live to see it become more centered. Most of the young women I know have big issues with men, but I think that they are just ignorant about the issues that men face.
First off, men have to function while intoxicated with Testosterone; making them think about sex six times a minute, and very succeptible to curved hips and soft bouncy breasts. I still notice that when I look at a woman, I go right to her face and smile, but after that handshake is done, I look at her butt, and get really jealous!
Under the old 50's model, the men were supposed to feel protective toward women, and were quite posessive. The societal model was one man one woman like til death do they part. WWII pretty much screwed that up, and the stay at home mom was on the way out after that.
Now days, there is some growing, recognition that a marriage is between two consenting partners. While my religious backgroud prohibits it, my own experience says that the whole GBLT thing is involuntary and probably genetic. So, there had to be some changes in our society to accomodate that new knowlege.
In this century, perhaps we will see that one of the partners will be the "stay at home "MOM"" and the other will be the bread winner. I still believe that children need a parent at home until they go to college. Having raised a family, there is just too much that can happen.
My ideal family is much like the "Ozzie and Harriet Family" and yes, I know that model has serious flaws but it is something to try for mainly because Children need to not grow up like I did.
Yes, the young men of today are pretty screwed up, but I think that the partners in a relationship need to recognize that people have different needs. I am not optimistic.
Gwendolyn
Preferences
There are quite a few people who were born with female bodies, but want nothing more than to become male. I have some difficulty understanding that on an emotional level, but I definitely accept it and understand it on an intellectual level.
My own experience is that I exist perfectly well as a male (with the exception of the perhaps unrelated issues of ADD, Asperger's, and depression.) Still, the only thing that would keep me from embracing an offer made by the grandma at Bikini Beach or the SRU wizard (the good version, not the evil version,) is that I have responsibilities to my wife and children, and I have invested heavily into their futures.
In my opinion, the optimum happy ending would be one where Chris somehow acquires the techno-magical powers that changed him into her in the first place. Then, Laurie can have her lover/boyfriend/eventual husband and her sister/best girlfriend forever.
I have some definite ideas on how I would put some twists and turns into the ending, but I ain't telling. [cue evil laughter here] It's Tiffany's story, and I want to enjoy it as it is.
Tiffany, you're doing a great job. I like the way you're exploring all the feelings and issues that are coming up with Tina's adjustment. It's also nice to have a thoughtful protagonist who isn't rash and has little tendency to fly off the handle.
The little conversation between Laurie and Tina was great. They both unabashedly let each other know how they feel, which can't help but make things easier and increase their trust and affection for each other.
Ray Drouillard
Tiffany, you're doing a
Agreed...
I should've mentioned this before, but one thing that to me, stands out about the entire bed-time chat, is not that it addressed an increased sensitiviity of the situation and the possible outcome, but the fact it even took place - and at Laurie's instigation!
If you recall, when she originally set the ground rules about changing and sharing the bed, it was her insistance that they keep to their side of the bed - period!
True Kris opened her eyes and looked at Laurie when she got into bed, but it was Laurie that held Kris and initiated the tone of the conversation. It was not a conversation between girl friends, either. I felt it was more between Laurie and Chris.
Both touching and hopeful, Tiff....
PB
Clarifications
It seems my comment made some impression here.
I just wanted to clarify, I hope most of you already understood. If I find the current situation of Chris/Tina be a danger for Chris' future, it's because I can't understand emotionally how Tina would ever want to be Chris. But I can still understand that at a more abstract level, and I'm really happy that there are men out there happy being men. They are needed. :)
I wasn't directing my
I wasn't directing my comment specifically at you, Mildred. I found your comment well written and clear. However, for me (not being TS), it raised a question that covered a larger scope than just this particular story.
While I have no doubt that your comment was/is valid for you, it made me wonder about what seemed to me, to be more of a general contradictory position apparently held by many readers (judging by comments on various stories) on any 'forced' M2F transformation, in any story/comment on the site - that being "it's better to remain female, despite the cost to the individual in question".
My comment/question, was meerly my general observation of what I percieved, a confusing position. No offense intended.
PB
Remember
Tina is not real, Chris is. Tina is a laboratory construct, "not born of man" as they say. Chris, the real person, never had any desire to become female. If Kris/Tina decides to not go back to be Chris, it will be because 'she' was constructed that way. In spite of the appearance that Kris/Tina chose to follow that path, 'she' has no free will. 'Kris' is the sum of her programming, little more than a biological robot.
If that were truly the case ...
... if, as you say, "Kris' is the sum of her programming, little more than a biological robot," there would have been no need to vet Chris to determine the type of person he is or to even question whether or not he was the right person for the job. Chris was chosen specifically because he has qualities they need in their operative -- otherwise, they could just shove any chump through the process and give him or her exactly the skills and personality traits needed to ensure the success of their investigation.
A reprogrammed Chris would have no doubts, would never drag her feet or question the need for her to be as much a girl as possible. I'm sorry, echic10, but the real danger here is that experience changes us all, reprograms us "on the fly" and turns us into someone different every single day as we move forward in our lives. Becoming female is NOT an experience Chris ever wanted, but it's one that will change him dramatically the same way EVERY experience changes us. If he were thrust into a war zone with a rifle in his hand for three months and then airlifted home, he would never be the Chris he was -- his core would be altered by the experience in ways no one can ever predict, because each human being is different to begin with.
In a way, the Chris everyone knew is already gone, because of this insane adventure. He's not coming back unless he can erase the memories of this entire summer upon his return. For better or worse, being Tina will change Chris.
It will be interesting to see how he comes out of the summer, and what he learns.
Randalynn
Actually, Randalynn
Some of us think the only "mission" is to run Chris, the two-legged lab rat, through a series of tests to see how long he can resist before the programming completely subverts him and he does become "Kris" - mind, body, and soul. Just like Margo Simon with her conditioning and reprogramming of the young teen boys (like Chris, coincidence?), Chris is being subjected to an increasing amount of female behavior programming to change him to her.
I imagine a major milestone in their programming is to get "Kris" to date boys, dress in provocative female clothes and get comfortable flirting with guys. Like this chapter. Next up will be one-on-one dating, no Laurie to ball "her" out, not that Laurie is doing any of that now. After all, she is part of the project also.
Coming soon, good-night kisses, making out and becoming some guy's "steady".
KJT
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
A counter 'arguement'...
If that was the case, they've already failed. The male mind they needed, the one that Amanda first spoke of in the hotel room, has all but disappeared. The original cover for Kris was as a tom-boy, period! One able to use her male mind to resist the advances of the male employees at the Labs.
No dating requirement was ever mentioned (until Susan suddenly mentioned it at the safehouse) and no mention of being a hetrosexual female. Never mind that they weren't even going to let Kris in on that change until Laurie let it slip that Kris' profile apparently did have the requirement, but that contradicts the need for a male mind. Retaining a 'het' male mind as Chris had, meant that it was understood that Kris was to remain a lesbian with his orientation towards girls. That slip of the tongue by Laurie proves she knows a lot more that she's letting Kris know.
In fact, by now requiring 'conditioning' for Tina to be 'het', they've just thrown out their mission-critial requirement that Amanda told Chris/Kris, because now Tina will be no more capable of resisting any advances than the bimbos chosen by Tina's 'handlers' (Ashely & co) to immerse her in this aspect of her training.
If you think about it, the whole idea of a 'mission' went out the window as soon as they started to unexplicably deviate from the originally stated mission plan told Chris/Kris.
I may have no practical field intell experiance, but I am ex-Infantry. If one is going on a mission 'behind enemy lines' or undercover, as it were, I would think the operative is briefed on the whole mission as expected from them, covering all anticipated possibilities. I know I was everytime I went out.
In Kris' case, he's been told nothing except what's expected of him (even that's all contrary to what he was originally told when he 'freely'(??) gave his decision to do it) and only at the time he's expected to behave in the desired manner. Why is she continued to be denied information, if this was a legit 'mission'?
More than likely, Amanda (or whomever) is revealing the the true extent of the experiment - introducing carefully scripted planned 'learned' behaviour and scenerios to completely make Chris, a 100% 'het' male into a 100% 'het' female. An (unanticipated?) bi-product of this experiment is the removal of all traces of Chris.
One goal of the experiment would be to learn the effects of a transformation reversal has on a subject after being 'locked-in' for a prolonged period of time - something Amanda freely told Chris they weren't sure of since no one had gone there. The 'conditioning' Tina has recieved, along with the removal of Chris I think, will cause the planned reversal to fail and the result will be Chris will ask that Kris (either a Jeffers or Quinn) come forth.
Even if Chris mentally returned to the point he was at when 'locked-in', his brain was already well on the way to transforming into the female brain so he wouldn't be able to return to what he was before all this started.
Remember, his brain's transformation began with the initial transformation but because it occured at a slower rat due to the brain's complexity (Amanda's implied explanation) it contunued even during Chris' exam week at school. Laurie had mentioned she noted decidely female thought processes during this time. Up to and after the meeting with Joey, Chris' male mind functioned as advertised in 'seeing through' phoney male advances as evidenced by Kris' reaction to those two boys on the cruise. It was shortly after that, that Kris/Tina began experiancing some orientation confusion. Further implied proof, the brain was still in the transformation process.
As for Tina's 'hetro' indoctrination, even Ashley's other friends are questioning why Laurie and Tina would allow Ashely to exert her OTT taste on them. One reason I think Laurie didn't say/do anything to challenge Ashely or her friends at the mall or even on the 'date' was that she knew Ashley & co were recruited to carry this out.
Jen had plenty of opportunity with her 'visits' to the Jeffers in the year leading up to Kris' arrival to poll them on possible friends to casually meet, get profiles made up of each one to allow Amanda (I think she's calling the shots on this) to pick and choose with the intent to cultivate a definite behaviour for Tina, then recruit those kids for that single purpose.
I've stated it before, but the sudden requirement to befriend the kids of the 'alleged suspects' to allow both girls to freely 'spy' on these same 'suspects' at their homes is another bit of storytelling by the Labs. The real purpose is to allow the other Wizards of the team to observe Tina 'outside the office'.
What better way to see how completely 'girl' she had become than to observe her interacting with their kids and in the case of the two 'suspects' with boys, a summer romance for Laurie and Tina?
PB
Again, the question is why?
If your theory is correct, then we've already established means and opportunity. But the motive for all of these disparate individuals to transform and mindrape an innocent boy remains murky at best.
Why would any project want to destroy an innocent boy to gain knowledge of questionable value? Why would any parent surrender their child to this? I would NEVER allow my boy to be experimented on like this -- I would kill anyone who tried, without remorse and as quickly as possible.
Under Occam's Razor, "“The simplest explanation for a phenomenon is most likely the correct explanation." Until I have a VERY good reason for anyone to do something this horrendous to Chris, I'm going to stick with what they've told us. I don't think they're telling him everything, but in this story, that's par for the course!
Randa
Why not?
They can't experiment on somebody from outside the lab, how would they explain what happened? But they want data on how long somebody could resist the change. So the head researcher, who doesn't seem like she is an overly devoted mom, has this son. Don't have to explain anything, no outsiders to ask questions.
They primed him with the idea that they want his male perspective, to keep him from giving in to quickly. Sure, Chris isn't coming back. But Kris already has a cover story in place for why she pops up in town. A little fast shuffle with Chris's paperwork, and Kris is taken in by her aunt and completes high school. What happened to Chris, you ask? Oh, terrible thing, they found his boat overturned in the lake at the camp, but the body was never recovered.
They get their data, with no awkward questions being asked.
Why not? How about because ...
... if this IS a massive conspiracy, there has to be a reason behind it other than just "Gee, how long do you think a perfectly normal rational male could hold out against our well-orchestrated attempt to make him into a female?"
Motive, Watson! You're giving me means and opportunity again, and I want a REASON. If there's a crime, the criminal MUST have a reason, and "because I can" doesn't cut it, considering the sheer amount of resources currently devoted to this bizarre enterprise (and the wide variety of individuals engaged in making it work).
Again, Occam's Razor prevails. Show me a reason WHY someone would want to do this to Chris -- something real and tangible they gain from reprogramming him like this as part of a huge internecine plot -- and I'll consider the "forced femm" angle. Until then, I'll take what they're giving us both and await developments.
After all, it's not like I can stop them from out here in the cheap seats anyway! *grin*
Randalynn
As I said
Data. It is a cliche, the scientist trying their new product on themselves or an unsuspecting member of the family. As was said before, mom doesn't seem to be much of a caring mother, look at the way she has manipulated her son up to now. She is more interested in her lab results than her family. A dedicated researcher, she is.
That's as good a reason as the hokey spy mission. What caring, loving mother would put her son in harm's way with an untested process? After this they will have some data to plug into their formulas. And Kris will be a dumb, happy, boy-mad teenage girl - no problem there!
Too many people involved ...
... and too little value to the process to justify the effort. *grin* The reason is still not good enough. Even a scientist has to need the data for something concrete, and there's no market for changing unwilling men into happy women -- at least none I can see!
Besides, if they want to see how long he can resist the process, why all the encouragement to conform? Why give him a good reason to WANT to go along?
Sorry, but there's still no sufficient motive for the forced fem scenario. I'll wait for Tiff to keep spinning her tale. *grin*
Randa
I'm On Your Side, Randalynn...
...in thinking that this suggested plot isn't what Tiff has in mind.
But on the other hand, it still seems to me that a security organization that is testing this new mind- and body-altering procedure would want to know its limits and effects, whether it's a matter of using it on its own operatives (and determining what the safe point is for returning them to relative normality afterward), or for use against adversaries. Remembering that people don't lose knowledge when they go through this procedure, I'm sure there would be those who'd love to subject, say, an Islamist terrorist to the process, converting him into a compliant secular hetero female who'd "voluntarily" tell her new interrogator/boyfriend everything she knew about Osama Bin Laden and company. After all, it beats torture, ought to be more effective, and leaves the victim unlikely to complain -- and you shouldn't even have to kill her afterwards.
Sure, this whole plot that's being theorized seems way too elaborate. But we're talking about a breakthrough that's so game-changing that something this complicated might be justifiable or even appropriate. The easiest objection, I think, is that they need far more test data than one voluntary subject can provide, and it'd be more practical to set up a framework to put several people through it, consecutively if not simultaneously, than to set up these unique conditions for Chris/Tina. (OK, they could bring in and train a series of Alaskan "cousins", I suppose, but that would imply a much larger conspiracy in on the plot or at least well aware that things on and off the base aren't very normal right now.)
Again, I don't think that's what's happening here. But it seems to me that it's certainly enough of a motive to set such a plot in motion, and it seems important enough that it could induce a patriotic mother to sacrifice her son's identity. (And she did give Chris a choice, albeit not an totally informed one.)
Eric
(PB said most of this, probably more cogently, while I was writing. I'll leave it up anyway...)
How about....
How about the ever popular but very overused and weak excuse "National Security"?
The Labs is a defense oriented scientific developer. Once Major Jeffers learned of Kris' transformation, he quickly remarked how he'd like to get his hands on that 'technology' for covert missions. That's precisely why it was being developed!
The big 'BUT...' is that it's not a safe and viable 2-way operation for field use, yet. They just don't know the effects that will be expected on 'returning' operatives. They need to know the effects of a prolonged duration and that's where Kris comes in.
The total immersion to becoming a 16yr old girl in all respects, will show them just how far they can go as well as provide data on how fully the subject can 'return'.
Kris' return is also critical. That data will tell them if it's safe!
That's the 'experiment' arguement in a nutshell.
Tiff has provided us with a just-as-compelling arguement for a valid 'mission' and it's justification as to why high school students were used. In the earlier chapters, she 'blames' it all on a pancking security chief who wants to plug a leak regardless, and sees the Wizard's research as a means - even if it is unproven.
When questioned by Kris on their way to Travis AFB, Dr. Quinn did admit that work did come first in their consideration ... at first (if one 'accepts' that after all what has transpired). Chapter 8.
Admittedly, he did go on to explan that the threat of a leak became paramount to his thinking. The two of the did go on to establish a personal 'get-out' code that Kris could use with the Quinn's to be extracted from the 'mission' if things got a bit too hairy.
So it's still up in the air - a little of both... a 'mission' with 'experimental' elements because, according to those early chapters, someone in the security team panicked and didn't care about any details of the Wizard's research, they just wanted results regardless the impact on the operative.
I also admit, that re-reading the early chapters, Amanda seemed to be separated from the Wizard's team and painted as an ordinary employee, not involved in research. In truth, Tiff has neither confirmed or denied her role at the Labs. Therefore, she could still be involved as one of the key 'project' personnel. I'll withhold final judgement on her role for now.
I'll also hold final judgement for a valid 'mission'. There's just too many unknowns about the process or it's effects upon Chris, plus the way Kris/Tina seems to be handled by Jennifer and the other adults, with a total lack of concern to enlighten her (valid for an operative on a mission) or her mental well-being and that to me, holds closer to the notion of an 'experiment' rather than a 'spy mission'.
The whole training aspect seems to have been based on the idea of keeping Kris/Tina off-balance with rapid-fire 'lessons' and keeping time alone to think to a minimum. Even Kris picked up on that during her time at the safehouse, thinking the only time she had to heself was when she went to bed.
In a PM to me, some time ago, Tiff stated she's firmly fixed on her existing storyline, which is fine. I'm guilty of that myself. Having said that, I guess all we need do now is still back, pull the seatbelts tight and enjoy the ride! Thanks, Tiff...
PB
We are the sum of our experiences
Thank you Randalynn.... You have captured the essence of the story. We are a product of our experiences. It has been interesting reading all the in-depth analysis going on. Some of you readers are looking for something that you're not going to get... Sorry, but this is the way my muse is going.
Tiff Q
Tiff Q
'Why' is still the question....
If it's not an unauthorized experiment, just what is it?
Saying "we're all the sum of our experiances" is ok, but there has to be a reason for the story, for Kris to be having these experiances.
The 'mission' premise doesn't hold water as the story has unfolded. Too many questions of irregular practices and ethics. The experiment theory may not be a perfect fit either, but given how the story has unfolded thus far, with Kris (the lynch-pin of said mission) being virtually 'beaten' into 'Tina', it seems to answer more questions than the 'mission' premise.
Even if one insists on considering it as a 'valid mission' as originally stated as the premise, there's still enough aspects that were admittedly said to be 'unknown' by Labs employees, and that puts the 'experiment' label back on the project.
So what is it?
If you're pressing peoples buttons, you're doing something right, Tiff!
PB
If Your Gender Identity Matches
If your Gender Identity matches your outside biological sex, then your feelings in Chris/Kris' situation would be like you were trapped in the wrong body much the same way as someone who is TG would feel. The difference is that Chris volunteered to do this for his country and does not really have a distaste for the body he was born with. He might be in denial about his true nature, but this may or may not happen. It could be that Chris finds out that Kris is the trueself and then it might be that something happens where Chris is stuck as Kris because someone makes the wizards unhappy. I look forward to seeing the twists and turns that this story takes. Thank you Tiffany!
Skepticism
It’s been a while since I’ve expressed my skepticism about the purported mission Chris had agreed too.
In re-reading Chapter 6 I found this “explanation†of the conversion process as understood by Chris.
It seems strange that with everything else they are able to accomplish in the conversion process, that they supposedly can’t change the “apparent†age of the subject. Chris’s description on this point doesn’t make it clear if it is the mental or physical age that cannot be changed. It is really on this point that the whole supposed selection of Chris rests. Without this limitation a trained agent could easily be converted into the “Kris†agent and the selected agent could have whatever background would be useful. Even with this “limitation†there are already young looking agents who are used in undercover roles to infiltrate school settings who would seem ideal candidates for the job with or without conversion.
If in fact the limitations on the conversion project were accurately displayed I would think that Chris / Kris still needs to develop his own security net independent of those the lab and his family are supposedly providing him. Of those people Kris has met so far the only one I would even consider trusting would be the Major. His job allows him access to resources that could be useful and he at least appears to have only been involved in this mission to provide Kris’s cover story. The way the Major broached the subject of Kris’s conversion indicates that he wasn’t a central figure in this caper. He alone seems to be a good backup option if things start going badly.
Michelle B
Kristina's situation
Congrats Tiffany on a very successful story. You've woven characters and situations that people care about and that is a very important task that you have done with excellence.
I would recommend to other readers to go back to chapter 6 and re read it and also the comments you made, Tiffany, to amplify what exactly was going on.
I can't help but put my speculation into the mix since it is a different point of view on the situation. My opinion is based on what I have read plus the author's comments. My feeling is that Kristina's present situation is analogous to that of a Transman before transition. Tiffany herself in a comment titled it responding to my question if Kristina was now the equivalent of a transman, she stated in her comment title 'Transman Works'. The 'Wizards' process at the lab was the scientific replication of things achieved by magic through non magical means. When Magic, no matter whether the origin is from users or through scientific means, is involved then metaphysical phenomena can be expected.
I suggest because of Tiffany's description of the process as "In Chris's case, when he became Kris, his entire physical system, brain structure and all, became 100% female. His 'mind' (meaning memories, personality, knowledge, ways of thinking, etc), at the transformation, were somehow retained in the new brain ", is that what she calls 'mind' might also be thought of as being Chris's eternal 'soul/spirit'. Ordinarily the gender of the 'soul/spirit' matches that of the physical brain where it 'lives'.
In this case with the 'mind' as Tiffany calls it, being opposite in gender(male) from the brain (female), that state would cause a disharmony which would only be resolved with Kristina returning to become Christopher again. I would assume just like ordinary transmen, living with the conflict is living on borrowed time and something must be done to set things right or have dire consequences, even death occur.
With the 'mind' preserved in a metaphysical form, there is no danger of losing Christopher's identity. There will be motivation to return to being male so that the congruence with body/brain and 'mind' is restored. In the present, new female gendered experiences began being accumulated with the help of Kristina's present female body and brain.
Of course future events are able to change the present status quo. I personally feel that it is still possible and likely that Chris will emerge after the mission is over unless future events dictate otherwise.
Thanks for letting me speculate, of course, YMMV. In the end only Tiffany knows for sure since it is her story. I have enjoyed the journey and look forward to more.
Jo Dora Webster
Just for the sake of clarification (for me at least)
Chris in Kris for the foreseeable future, not Tina. Tina being a name Laurie constructed to make her feel better about flirting in from of her boyfriend.
Also, there is a lot of talk about Kris and boys, but I don't remember reading the process that changed her also making her like boys instead (or as well as) girls? Kris said herself she hasn't been attracted to anyone since the change, so I think that is an open question. Just because Laurie is forcing her to go out with boys, doesn't mean the character likes boys. For that matter, it doesn't mean she doesn't like boys either. Or girls...or unicorns...hmmmm
Hugs
Frank
Boys?
They're trying to get Kris/Tina to like boys through immersion/behaviour modification or whatever label you wish to apply.
The stated 'expectation' that she needs to be making friends with the boys of a couple of the 'suspect' employees and the OTT encounter with the boy-hungry bimbos of Ashley and co. on the shopping trip and the 'date' strongly suggest that.
Even Laurie has admitted a that at their age, "you can't become just friends with a boy" (when talking about Joey's infactuation with Kris).
That would seem to indicate that someone is hoping for Kris to have a summer romance with one of the employee's boys in an effort to get close to the 'suspect' even 'out of the office'.
(presumably the one mentioned who was on the same cross-country team as Chris, as their love of running would be something in common).
With regard to Ashely's prompting, I was glad to see Kris hold her ground both with Ashely's friends critisim of her 'lack' of style and her 'lack of purpose' (to get a boy), on both the shopping trip and the night out with the swim team.
PB
Laurie Slut
It angers me somewhat that poor Kris is struggling with so much and Laurie has to have herself a little fooling around time with other boys. Next she is going to mess with Kris's fidelity boundaries by getting her to date boys too.
Realistically I don't think Laurie and Chris can survive as a couple if those are the parameters. If Kris starts getting involved with boys, I think it will convert him permanently, and if not that, then I think that Chris will have some real head problems afterward.
On second thought, perhaps we should just see this as a nicely written piece of fiction and stop holding the Author's feet to the fire. It is only a story.
Many blethings Author.
Gwendolyn
Author Objecting to speculation
RAMI
I guess an author who did not want speculation, could either turn off comments, or ask at some point for the speculation to end.
By speculating where a story might lead, is a compliment to the author. It means that they for whatever reason have got their hooks in the reader and the reader cares about the characters or the outcome.
Some authors seem to encourage it, and use PMs to let their readers know if they are on point, close to it, or not even being able to hit the barn.
RAMI
RAMI
I couldn't have said it better.
I really like the human interest in this chapter. Tina holding onto Chris for dear life, and Laurie explaining that Tina needs to be more girl. I can see the love that each of them still have for each other. That is what makes this chapter great. I loved how Tina put Tom in his place when they were climbing the mountain. It seems Tina does know how to put a guy in his place, but at the same wants to still be Chris. Oh well. I am hoping though that as the summer goes on, Tina will emerge totally and that Chris will only be a fading memory, as Tina becomes the girl she is totally and forever.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Will we see Tina or Kristina instead of Chris in September
Rami
I am truly not sure what to say at the moment. The social-moral-psychological discussions about Chris/Kristina/Tina are truly amazing. Adding anything new to the discussion would be difficult. So I will try and be brief.
I belong to the group, that hopes that Chris survives the summer ,going back to school in September, as a very enlightened and sensitive young man who has a great understanding of women, and deeply in love with Laurie. I do not think that will happen.
From the first haunting chapter where a teenage boy is humiliated and tortured by his mother, sister, girlfriend and her mother, through a convoluted explanation of a top secret espionage program, to being seduced into dressing in a provocative way and urged to enjoy herself with boys, it appears that Chris is destined (doomed) (blessed) to be either Kristina or Tina forever. (Choose which adjective bests agrees with your view point). I do think that Kristina and Tina are two separate and different people that Chris is destined to become. I think Kristina is the female equivalent of Chris. A sincere, studious, caring, family centered individual, with deep moral and social values. Tina, is the boy crazy, ditz, who is more interested in a good time then anything else. Maybe that is the true to take a boy, make him into a girl and see how that change affects his/her outlook.
Taking everything at face value, there is no good reason that the anti-espionage program and the testing of the gender-change experiment need to be carried on together. In the first case, finding a real female to act the part supposedly destined for Chris as Kristina should not have been impossible to do. Please do not suggest that there are no trained female agents of some government agency - CIA/FBI/NCIS etc. who could not meet the various criteria established for this so called counter-espionage agent.
Secondly, as to finding a male willing to undergo a male to female transformation should not be difficult. I would poll some of the readers of this site, if they would willing and happily undergo a transformation from male to female, that would last 3 months with the understanding that at the end of the experiment it would be the intention of those conducting the experiment to return the to their male status, with no prohibition for them to then undergo the current male to female regimen. That would probably be a truly remarkable RLT.
I for one think that there are things not revealed that will determine who we see at the start of the school year.
So, it will be interesting to see what happens during the remainder of the summer. TiggQ has a long way to go before we find out what really happens. For better or worse, this is only day 5 or 6 of the transformation and there are about 80-90 days more to go.
I guess I was not brief.
RAMI
RAMI
Another theory
Well I have read it all so far, read the comments too - I am of the opinion that the so called mission is a hoax, it is utterly ludicrous and doesn't even begin to hold water - now assuming TiffQ isn't an idiot and that she knows how idiotic that whole nonsense the mother spouted sounds, I am left with a couple of ideas - one is PB's idea that this is a lab experiment to examine the effects of gender change on an otherwise normal Hetero male -I find it difficult to believe that a mother would sacrifice her child this way, but then she might not be the liar so much as the lied to - no one seems to have stood up for the family here - all of you are saying how wicked, treacherous and callous they all are - I prefer to think of them on the whole to be stupid, gullible and ill informed.
If it is a lab experiment or a secret mission then I think the principle players are being manipulated - by Harrison in my opinion - she is an obvious suspect if we consider that every thing was going according to plan until she got involved, suddenly its Girly Girl lessons, instructions to encourage her to be less of a tomboy, to not be a lesbian to become Tina, all very suspicious - I think that Security is compromised and that Kris/Chris has been subverted by the enemy - poor innocent fool Laurie has been tricked into being an accomplice - I have no idea about Jennifer - she hardly says a word but she seems to be a bitch anyway so I wouldn't be surprised if she is involved in the corruption of the project.
My other theory is a bit more radical and it goes something like this.
The entire thing is a fabrication - there never was and never will be be a secret mission - it is a cunningly and carefully constructed delusion created to ease the transition of Chris into Kristina, Amanda, Jennifer, Laurie, Tiffany and Marla are all witches, and in their coven the males become females due to a Curse/blessing - this change occurs when they are 16 at some point - Laurie used to be Larry, Chris's best friend and when she became Laurie and reality shifted so Chris now remembers her as a girl their friendship translated to a romantic relationship. Tiffany used to be Tim, Marla, Mark - now they are girls and are trainee witches under their mothers.
In order to make Chris's journey to Kristina easier they invented this semi scientific story - as Chris becomes Kristina body, mind and soul the delusion shall fade until one day she awakens and is a real girl.Her mother's daughter. Hopefully she and Laurie can then be lesbian lovers or something. :)
Of course it just might be that Tiff is a terrible writer that has badly fluffed characterisation and plot and is desperately tap dancing in order to befuddle us into ignoring the obvious weaknesses - indeed we are correcting the mistakes ourselves.... but of course that isn't the case. No - really - it isn't.
I like this story - I love the way the central character is portrayed and I look forward to further instalments.
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
A point?
A very good point. During Kris' 'father-son' talk to Travis AFB, Dr. Quinn did come right out and suggest the problem might even be within Security itself. This is after they came up with their family escape code word "jogging".
OTOH, Susan did make a couple of comments that could use a bit of explanation. On the military flight to Alaska, when Kris got her first chance to 'complain' about her recruitment, Susan made the comment:
if I was Kris I would've responded with something like, "tell me the whole story, then....
... and in chapter 11 during Kris' meltdown at the safehouse...
If the above comment was actually directed at Jennifer and not Kris, Susan's two comments would seem 'at odds' with the Labs' official enthusiasim for the 'project'. Is this a hint of her opposition to the way this 'project' (not the 'mission') was being executed or more sinisterly, her opposition to the "project's" goals - whether an 'experiment' or a 'spy-mission'.
Then there is her use of 'we' in the first quote. Is that 'we', as in the Labs as a company ... or did she mean there are others who also feel like her and question the way this is being done?
Another good point. Either that or she's blindly following whatever Susan tells her, regardless of what she's observing with Kris... and Laurie is in any case, blindly following whatever her mom tells her, again regardless of what she sees happening and instead putting all her faith into "mom knows what she's doing..."
Problem is... no one does, it's all so new! Ideally, they should be getting constant input from Kris and re-evaluate everything they do.
However, Jennifer did admit that even though she's Security, she's out of the loop when it comes to seeing the daily questionnaires both the kids are expected to independantly complete at home and fire back.
Does Susan have access to these completed questionnaires? She told Kris that she was to function as her immediate supervisor, on the job at the Labs as an intern. Is that all?
As an aside, I wonder while Kris' questionnaires may relate to her daily observations of the 'suspects', if Laurie's questionnaires will primarily/only focus on her daily observations/progress of 'Tina'?
I'm still wondering what Dad meant or what authority/power over the 'experiment/mission' he and/or Amanda have (and would Amanda even do anything to stop it?), when Kris was told that they would immediately pull 'her' out upon recieving the phrase "jogging in a marathon" - which was agreed upon as being the most critical version of their code.
Finally, two more comments from Susan, to Kris during the Alaskan flight in Chapter 8. She's is trying to sooth Kris' initial feelings aboth Laurie's decite.
... a bit of an understatement, perhaps? Continuing on....
... Boy, has she got that wrong!
Considering how Susan and/or Jennifer have decided to involve Laurie more fully as Kris/Tina's mentor or argueably, 'Jennifer's 'eyes'... how true is this? What exactly does she mean by "for her safety as well as for the success of the project"?
It's not the first reference the story has had to a known and upcoming dangerous situation for the kids. (Remember the fake kidnapping attempt on the kids, while at the safehouse... and the lame explanation?)
Is that still true? When it comes to Tina and boys, she seems to be pushing Kris and standing back. Anyway, Susan continues...
Curious. Susan's character bears watching and we'll probably see more of her as the story unfolds. Then again, same can be said for Jennifer and Laurie.
PB
Some of these comments are OTT
This is a great story, Tiff, and I am thoroughly enjoying watching it continue to unfold after a short break.
It is easy to gauge how popular it is by the enormous volume of comments by readers, which are now getting to the point where they take longer to read than each chapter. However so much of this speculation and analysis IMHO is getting to be ridiculous, it is almost as if some of the commenters are trying to re-write the story as they think it should be. This seems rather pointless to me as Tiff has said she knows where she is going to take the plot, so I think we should just be patient and let her tell HER story. All the comments speculating about hidden agendas and subplots are, to me, very confusing and detract from the enjoyment I get from the REAL story.
Keep up the good work, Tiff.
NS
I agree...
And I will (continue it my way, that is). I don't tend to read the longer comments any more. I figure that folks can speculate all they want. It won't change anything.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Tiff Q
Tiff Q
Strange interpretation
No one is re-writing the story or suggesting otherwise. I for one, knew of Tiff's resolve to follow her own, very early on.
What is being discussed, is the story as Tiff has written it. She plainly has knowledge that the reader doesn't, which is all well and good, but any 'speculation' as you put it, is based solely upon the knowledge that she has presented - as it's presented ... no more, no less.
I assume any discussion may possibly change direction as Tiff continues to unfold the story and enlightens the reader. There's also the distinct possiblity that the current discussion may be near the mark or at least bear resemblence to her planned outcome.
And that's part of the fun... seeing how close your deductions are, based on the author's writing. Of course, Tiff has always has the option of turning off comments if they aren't wanted or baring that, any individual has the option of not even looking at them.
For example, you Norma, mentioned they distracted you from your enjoyment of the story - that may be a valid point in your case ... but that point of view begs an equally valid question. "Why bother to read them if that's the case? Just read the story and wait until the next chapter is posted. Reading of the comments is not mandatory."
Fact is, Tiff has a popular story on her hands and popular stories, whether written or film or whatever, generate more discussion than just "it's a good story!"
PB
Hear , hear
I concur with PB AKA Ms Sheerluck Holmes :),
It is the same argument that people use to complain about 'offensive content' on TV - if you don't like it - turn of/don't read it.
And to be honest I find Tiff's tone slightly arrogant - I could take that to mean that "Long comments usually from people that are picking apart the story, analysing it to bits = people not simply praising me - therefore I don't want to know" If this is her attitude then that is a little disappointing - it is a mark of respect and interest that we take the time to make guesses - some wilder than others - as to where this story is going, I find this enthusiasm fascinating - I hope that if I ever publish something here it generates the same level of interest.
Please do continue Tiff - we love your story
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!
I Can't Help But Think That Laurie
Is pushing Tina at guys because she either sees that she has lost Chris, or never wanted him and it's far easier to have Tina stay.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Love the story, been holding
Love the story, been holding my breath till 37 comes out. Running out of breath!
Why 37?
Out of curiosity. SImply because Tiff is taking a break? ;)
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
the lure of the girl side
“I’m so afraid that, if I let myself go, I’ll like it too much to go back.”
aww.
Laurie
If Laurie is wise, she's regretting her part in having Chris changed. Chris might never come back -- or worse, Tina might die.
-- Daphne Xu
Fact is
There are a lot of good things about being a girl, when they when they transformed Chris they also transformed his mind. If and when transform him back he'll l probably be happy being a guy. Kris's transformation was complete and total. Something for the researchers to keep in mind in the future.
Transforming his Mind
Changing his thinking is quite insidious. Imagine changing someone from one able to discuss with intelligence the analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean metrisations of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifolds, to someone mostly stumped by algebra and caring less.
-- Daphne Xu
I agree
That, and stealing memories, especially valuable experience, is a very profound theft. We are the sum of our experiences and our abilities.