Crying

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“I hate you!” He rained insults down upon her as she shook in paroxysms of tears. “You married me as a man and you know I don’t like women, how dare you become the thing I hate!”

 

Crying

By Theide


 

“I hate you!” He rained insults down upon her as she shook in paroxysms of tears. “You married me as a man and you know I don’t like women, how dare you become the thing I hate!”

Her shoulders shook with sobs as she absorbed his hate into her being. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t stand it any longer! I gave you 20 years trying to be a man for you, I even worked construction and I did so much for you, trying to be a man for you, but I just couldn’t stand it any longer!”

The man she had spent more than half of her life desperately trying to please bent over her, spitting on her with the vehemence of his own hatred. “I never wanted a woman and I told you from the start! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I thought you said you would accept me being more feminine in the house, and I tried so hard to keep it only there, but I couldn’t!” She burst into a fresh storm of tears. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t set the alarm cock right and I thought I could wear my gloves all day, but when lunchtime came, I got caught with my nail polish still on!”

“I tried to hide, but Kevin came back in the patch of woods I was in and he saw me with my gloves off. I know you told me I could never shame you that way, I’m so sorry I did, I didn’t mean to.”

“You sorry fuckin faggot, I never wanted your kind any way!” He kicked her over on her side and left her sobbing in the ditch as her coworkers filed by to catch the bus back to the office.

She lay there in the ditch, sobbing, until the shadows of twilight stole over her. As the twilight faded into evening, she awoke from her fit of self pity and made a decision. Quicker than she could even think, the sweet kiss of the utility knife’s fresh blade stole over her wrists and despite the pain, she felt a sense of release, a peace in her soul.

The blood she had liberated from her veins seeped into the sandy soil and she prayed to a god that she had been taught hated her for being who she was.

“God, please forgive me. I know suicide is wrong, but I could not live in this body any longer. I have been rejected by everyone and I just can’t stand it any more. If I had seen any other path, I would have taken it. I know I will probably go to your hell for this, but I think I have lived this life in hell and I have done my best to be a good person. God, please make me female in my next life, if there is one.”

With that thought, her consciousness faded to nothing.

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Comments

color me confused

were they both men at the start? Otherwise very powerful stuff. I understand the dispair, but suicide isnt a good answer. hugs from me.

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