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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

Editor's Note: Jenny Walker has graciously allowed me to represent her original story No Half Measures on BigCloset. Originally published on BigCloset Classic, this story segment was not migrated over to BigCloset TopShelf. This story segment first appeared on BigCloset Classic on Sunday, November 02, 2003 - 02:48 pm. Due to the original story presentation format being unsuitable and unwieldy for most portable devices (each part being over 1 meg in length), the story is now being broken up into single chapters for easier reading. The original Movements will be indicated on their respective chapters. The first chapter of each Movement will retain the original comments and read hits so as to preserve them for the author.

Sephrena Lynn Miller

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Chapter 42
 
 
I got back to my house early the next morning. Gareth hadn't arrived yet. I'd woken when Sam had got up. He had an early shift that day and I had shared a quick breakfast with him. Thanking him profusely for his kindness, I had hugged him and given him a gentle kiss on the cheek as he left. Jessie had still been asleep, and I hadn't wanted to waken her. However, at Sam's suggestion, I had autographed the posters on her wall before letting myself out.

Back home, after showering and changing into a T-shirt and jeans, I went downstairs and found that Gareth had arrived.

"Morning, Cara, how was your Christmas?"

I grimaced. "Lousy, and yours?"

He laughed. "Pretty much the same. I bet yours was better though."

I shook my head. "I doubt that."

He raised an eyebrow. "In that case, maybe you should join me for some shared misery next Christmas."

I grinned as I put the kettle on to make some coffee. "It's a deal!"
 

*          *          *
 
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of busyness. We had decided to release another single and had eventually agreed on 'I Just Wanna Be Me'. There had been some discussion about releasing 'Simply Say' instead, but after considering it, we felt that 'I Just Wanna Be Me' showed a greater diversity and was significantly different from the last single I'd released. The guys had been squeezed into a slot in the studio to do a few different tracks for the single version: Jon jazzed up his guitar part more and Brian gave it more of a punchy bass line. My vocal was left unchanged, as it had been difficult enough to get it right the first time.

Herby had once again been brought in to weave his magic on the video front. In light of my recent success, Herby had made a case for having a larger budget for this video. He won his case unsurprisingly and we shot the video over three days. He had his plan firmly in mind from the word go and, despite my protestations, he would not budge an inch. Herby maintained that this had to be a fun video. Although it was obviously about me asserting who I wanted to be, there was opportunity for some tongue-in-cheek light heartedness along the way. For each of the three verses of the song, Herby had me in a different scenario that was obviously not me. I groaned when he outlined it to me.

For the first verse, he wanted me in a skimpy schoolgirl outfit dancing down the corridors of a high school. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you the original source of the parody. He even pressured me into wearing a blond wig. I maintained that I wouldn't do it and that I looked nothing like Ms. Spears. Herby persuaded me to follow his plan when he told me that I was indeed correct: he said I was much better looking than the aforementioned artist. Flattery gets you everywhere!

If I thought the first verse was bad, in the second he had me dressed up as Lara Croft. Again I protested that I couldn't pull it off. I told him that I was nothing like the buxom action heroine. Herby smirked, looked down at my chest and then, looking me in the eye and smiling sweetly, told me that he could think of at least two striking similarities. Only Herby could get away with such cheek and yet again, I was doing his bidding. The scenario was a dark alley and the guys in the band were being threatened by some hoodlums. I, as Lara Croft, was to swoop down from above on a rope, kick the bad guys' arses and then coolly accept the grateful thanks from the boys. Corny, I know, but Herby assured me it would be a riot. I was able to manage my part fairly well, but it took several takes for the guys to get the right amount of cringing and then adulation to satisfy Herby.

The third verse had me wearing a dancer's leotard, fishnet tights and high-heels as I danced on a stage with the stereotypical hunky boys dancing behind me. This was actually the hardest one to pull off, as I was not into that sort of dancing at all. I again protested to Herby and told him that I felt ridiculous. He just laughed and enigmatically said that it added to the overall effect. With the help of a choreographer, I managed to master the minimum amount of steps and moves that I needed.

More comfortable scenes accompanied the choruses. Herby's idea was that as I sang the chorus, he would display the 'real me'. So there were images of me playing a grand piano, wistfully looking out of a window as I sat on the windowsill and finally sitting around with the guys on a sofa as we laughed, ate pizza and threw potato crisps at each other.

When we met up to view the final product, I had to agree with Herby that the pain had been worth it. It was hilarious and yet not laughable. Herby had managed to strengthen the message of the song and bring it to life on the screen. I did mention to him that I still looked incredibly awkward in the scenes during the verses. He nodded and smiled and said that he knew that. Apparently he wanted to catch me looking uncomfortable and embarrassed. He gently told me that he was showing the world that although they might think of me as every man's fantasy, this video dispelled that notion and showed me as I really was — a woman. I wasn't sure whether he was taking the hand out of me or not, but he seemed sincere. I think perhaps he believed in the power of his videos a little too much, but I was touched nonetheless.
 

*          *          *
 
The single was released on the fifth of January and was getting a lot of airplay. Herby's work seemed to be appreciated by MTV as my video was played over and over again. That Sunday evening, I was blown away to hear that 'I Just Wanna Be Me' was a new entry at Number One! Jools had come over to my place to listen to 'The Chart Show' with me and, instead of dancing, I had to sit down as I thought I was going to faint. We had little time to enjoy any celebrations as the next few days were spent preparing and practising for supporting 'Stealing Time'.

In the midst of my hectic schedule, I had managed to spend a fair number of my evenings with Charlie. We had enjoyed dinners out, a few movies and a West End show. Gareth, true to his word, had 'accompanied' us on these evenings, but most of the time I couldn't even see where he was.

I enjoyed the time I was spending with Charlie, but things were getting a little awkward. At the end of each evening, we would kiss and cuddle. It was quite passionate at times. I don't mean to say that I didn't enjoy these times — it was OK. That was the problem: it was just OK. I realised that Charlie probably was beginning to feel a lot more for me than I was able to reciprocate. He would drop little hints about us being more intimate, but I gently fended off these suggestions. He didn't seem to mind too much. If the relationship was going to be more serious, then I knew that I would have to tell Charlie my deep dark secret.

The question was: did I want the relationship to become more serious? I had little time to sort this out in my mind, as we had to fly out to San Diego that Wednesday.
 

*          *          *
 
Compared to the damp chill of London in January, it was a joy to arrive in San Diego and find that it was sunny with temperatures around eighteen degrees Centigrade. There were cars waiting at the airport for us and they ferried us to our hotel. When we walked into the lobby, I saw Aaron heading in our direction. He ran over to me and gave me a big hug. I was quite taken aback when he gave me a kiss full on the lips - especially since the rest of our entourage were standing there watching!

"Hey, mister," I said when he broke the embrace. "That's quite a welcome."

He grinned and shrugged. "I missed ya. It's great to see you. I can hardly believe you're going to join us on the final leg of the tour."

I laughed. "I thought it was supposed to be me that should be star struck at getting to tag along with such megastars as you lot."

He laughed and slipped his arm around my shoulders as he led me to the lifts. "Not at all. We're going to have a ball."

He showed me to my room and then sort of lingered there. I unpacked some stuff and then turned back to him. With a smile I said, "Aaron, I wouldn't mind freshening up and getting changed."

He grinned. "I wouldn't mind that either."

I laughed. "You have to leave, mister."

He frowned. "Really?"

"Yes, really," I said as I gently led him to the door.

He shrugged, stole another kiss and winked as he said, "Maybe if we get to know each other better in the next week or two, you won't be looking to get rid of me so quickly."

Before I could find any words to reply with, he had gone and closed the door behind him. I smiled to myself, feeling quite bemused. I was fairly sure that I was going to be on the receiving end of more attention from Aaron and I needed to work out the best way to handle him.
 

*          *          *
 
Thursday was a lazy day that was spent relaxing, recovering from jetlag and doing a little bit of sightseeing. As I was quite keen to prevent Aaron from becoming too friendly too soon, I persuaded Jon to come with me as we checked out the area. We hired cycles and enjoyed pedalling around the bay and seeing a bit more of San Diego. The atmosphere between us was fairly relaxed, but I sensed an undercurrent of tension.

As we walked back to the hotel together later in the afternoon, I casually asked, "So how are things with you and Simone?"

He grimaced and shrugged. "Not good."

There was an awkward pause. "Err… sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

He grinned. "Nah, it's OK. I mean she's gorgeous and what's not to like about her?" I refrained from providing him with a list as he went on, "We just don't seem to connect. She's quite possessive and demanding."

"Are you… still seeing each other?" I tentatively asked.

He shook his head. "I don't think so. We sort of had a big argument before I left. She thought I wasn't paying her enough attention."

I made sympathetic noises. Personally, I thought that no one could ever pay Simone enough attention. She had appeared to me as the sort who craved worshipful devotion and would never be satisfied.

"What about you and Charlie?" Jon asked slowly. "How're things going?"

"Good," I said after a moment's hesitation. Jon seemed to pick up on that.

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes," I said a little defensively. "He's a great guy and I enjoy being with him."

Jon sighed and stopped walking. I did likewise. "Cara, be straight with me, are you really interested in him?"

I frowned. "Yes… I mean I think so… I don't know. Yes, I like him, but we're taking things slowly. Why do you ask?"

"I just don't want him getting hurt."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "Either when he finds out about… you, or when you decide that your little game with him is over."

My eyes widened and my voice got louder, "I beg your pardon? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, you're not really interested in Charlie. I don't know what you're trying to prove or what you want out of it…"

I interrupted and spoke in an icy tone, "What business is it of yours? I resent your implications and I have no idea what you're getting at."

He looked me straight in the eye. "He's my cousin. I think you're just using him."

My blood began to boil. "Using him? For what?"

He looked away and shrugged awkwardly. I persisted, "Come on, Jon, share your great insight with me."

He shook his head and started walking again. "It's nothing; I just wondered if… with him being my cousin and all… and with what happened between… us."

I laughed. It wasn't a pleasant laugh. "Oh please! Do you have such an inflated opinion of yourself? Don't be so vain. Why don't you stop thinking that the world revolves around you?"

He looked up at me and his eyes flashed. "That's rich coming from you."

We had arrived at the doors of our hotel and I just strode on through the entrance and left him standing there. I went to my room and flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes. A voice inside my head said, 'That went well.' I told the voice to shove it.
 

*          *          *
 
The next day, we went to the concert venue and did our sound check. I was somewhat awe-struck at the size of the auditorium. We were going to be playing to much larger crowds here than we had done at home. Of course, they weren't coming to see us, but it was a great opportunity nonetheless. Simon was fussing around and doing his networking thing. He had been delighted when I told him about Aaron's invitation to join them. He saw this as a second chance to work on the U.S. market. Correspondingly, his American counterparts had teed up 'Forgotten How to Love' for a single release the following week.

Jools had sensed the icy atmosphere between Jon and me. I suppose it was quite obvious, as even during the sound check I had snapped at him at one point. She took me to check out my dressing room.

"OK, spill it. What's going on?"

"What do you mean, Jools?"

"Come on, you and Jon. You were a total Miss Frosty out there with him."

I shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it."

She squeezed my arm. "Hey, it's me. You can talk to me."

I smiled thinly. "Jools, hard as it may be for you to believe, when I say that I don't want to talk about it, I actually mean it sometimes."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, but I wish you and Jon would just get on with it and get it over with."

I turned my head sharply to look at her. "What do you mean?"

She smiled gently. "You two may be the last ones to realise it, but it is so clear that you both have feelings for each other."

I screwed my face up. "That's crap, Jools. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you really have no idea on this matter."

She just raised a questioning eyebrow, but said nothing.
 

*          *          *
 
We had been allocated around thirty-five to forty minutes for our set. We had whittled our list of songs down to a shorter running order from what we had played back in the U.K.:
 
 

No Half Measures Living Life in Colour You Make My Skin Crawl I Just Wanna Be Me Simply Say Forgotten How to Love Not Dancing, but Flying

 
 
Gina helped me to get ready as always. I had insisted that she be brought on the trip. Simon had initially protested about costs and had maintained that there would be make-up artists and wardrobe assistants on the 'Stealing Time' crew that we could make use of. I had put my foot down and he eventually gave in. I wore a white vest top and black leather miniskirt. Gina brushed my hair out to give it more body and did a top notch job on my make-up.

When we stepped out onto the stage, there were cheers and shouts. It certainly was loud given the thousands of people present in the arena, but it didn't have the enthusiasm of a crowd welcoming the band that they had come to see. That was to be expected. We delivered a good performance and I tried to connect with the crowd as I talked to them between the songs. Towards the end of our set, I thought that the response was more genuine and the cheers more enthusiastic.

When we came off stage, Aaron grabbed me, hugged me and kissed me. "You were great, babe."

"Babe?" I said as I screwed up my face and raised an eyebrow.

He grinned apologetically. "You don't like babe?"

I shook my head. "Definitely not."

He chuckled. "You were great anyway. Now how are we going to go out there and follow that?"

I laughed. "I don't think you'll have any problem."

He looked at me and gestured to me. "After seeing you, they aren't going to want to look at me."

I winked. "Want to borrow this skirt when I'm done with it?"

He guffawed. "I don't think I'd look half as good in it as you do."

I smiled and inwardly noted that I'd once thought along similar lines myself.

Of course, he had nothing to worry about as the crowd went wild when they took the stage. From the wings, we had an excellent view of the band giving a gutsy, adrenaline-packed performance. It helped me to realise that despite my taste of success, there were still more heights to aim for.
 

*          *          *
 
The next night was pretty much the same as what had gone before. The difference was that, as there was no concert the next day, there was a private bar back at the hotel for the bands and crew after the performance. Jon was animatedly talking away to Ben, the 'Stealing Time' lead guitarist. No doubt they were discussing whether a two or three millisecond digital delay effect was better for a lead guitarist. Aaron predictably tried to monopolise my company and I eventually just decided to relax and enjoy myself. I was aware that he was bringing me a fair amount of drinks.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I asked with a smile.

He chuckled. "Is that the only way I'm going to have a chance with you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "More like if you get me unconscious."

He shrugged good-naturedly and winked. "You'd better start drinking up then."

I managed to get into my room alone after fending off several kisses in the corridor outside. Gareth clearing his throat loudly after I had said goodnight to Aaron for the third time helped me achieve my goal.
 

*          *          *
 
On Sunday afternoon, we flew up to Los Angeles. 'Stealing Time' had chartered a Lear jet and we were invited to fly with them. It was a plush executive jet and just when I had thought that first class was the best way to travel, I had to re-evaluate my decision. The rest of the guys in our band were relishing the opportunity to mingle and chat with these legends of rock.

We had two concerts in L.A. — on Monday and Tuesday. Aaron had suggested that I should join them on stage to sing backing vocals for 'Never Knowing What to Say'. It made sense since I already knew the song. He insisted on a practice nonetheless. I was not overly surprised when I found that it was a private little practice with him on the piano. I had left Gareth outside. We ran through the song a few times and I even improvised a slightly different backing line for the final chorus. He liked it.

"Have dinner with me tonight?" he suddenly asked when we finished.

I was caught off balance. "I… err… I don't know."

He smiled with his trademark boyish charm. "Oh, come on. What harm is there in just having dinner with me?"

I laughed. "Alright, but it's just dinner, OK?"

"Absolutely," he affirmed solemnly as he held his hand to his heart.
 

*          *          *
 
He took me to an upscale Beverly Hills restaurant that evening. It was very posh and I was glad that I had worn a fashionable red dress. Aaron had even put on a jacket and smart slacks for the occasion. Being Beverly Hills, the management didn't bat an eyelid when they had to find a secluded spot for Gareth to place himself during the evening. I don't think that Aaron was too enamoured with my discreet escort, but he didn't mention it. We enjoyed a wonderful meal and he accompanied me back to my room at the hotel.

"Can I come in for a drink?" he asked pleadingly.

I smiled. "I don't know if that is a good idea."

He shrugged. "Oh come on, just one drink."

I sighed and against my better judgement agreed. "OK, but you'd better behave. Remember Gareth is just on the other side of the adjoining door."

Gareth coughed discreetly to remind Aaron of that fact as I let him into my room.

We had a drink or two and chatted amiably.

"What's the deal with Gareth?" Aaron asked.

I shrugged. "I had some… threats."

He frowned. "Threats? What do you mean?"

"It's probably just some weirdo and it may be nothing. Some anonymous notes and the like. Not pleasant."

He nodded. "That sucks. Well it looks like you'll be OK with Gareth around."

I smiled. "That's the plan."

What he said and did next surprised me. Aaron looked at his watch and got to his feet. "I'd better be going," he said and then gently kissed me on the lips.

I think he noticed the bemused expression on my face. He chuckled. "I'm a man of my word. We had a few drinks and I behaved myself." He opened the door and looked back at me. "Believe me, I'd love to stay and 'misbehave', but maybe another time." Then he was gone.
 

*          *          *
 
The L.A. concerts went well and we played to sell-out crowds both nights. Our performances were good and generally well received. We even got a mention in some of the newspapers' write-ups and the comments were positive. I did my guest appearance during the 'Stealing Time' set for 'Never Knowing What to Say' and Aaron enjoyed embarrassing me as he introduced me. He said that I was a 'beautiful Welsh flower' and that he was in danger of falling in love with my voice and me. I knew that he was teasing me so I laughed it off.

Although I was enjoying the tour, I was feeling a growing discontent within me. Charlie and I had been talking on the phone and I think he sensed something of my ambivalence in regard to our relationship. The bottom line was that I was not really missing him. I think I knew what I had to do when I got home, but it made me all the more irritable. Would I ever find the happiness that I wanted? I know it sounds petty given the success that I had achieved. It wasn't enough. What more did I want? I wasn't sure.

I still wasn't sleeping that well either. I had been blaming that on jetlag initially, but as the days passed, that excuse was less valid. A drink in my room with Aaron became almost a nightly ritual. He was very restrained, and although his goodnight kiss became a little more amorous each night, he didn't push for anything more. He did drop plenty of hints and kept telling me how enchanting I was. I took it with a pinch of salt. I liked him and it was quite flattering for someone who was practically my hero to take such an interest.
 

*          *          *
 
On Wednesday morning, we flew up to San Francisco. We were to play two gigs: Thursday and Friday. Jools and I did the tourist thing that afternoon. We wandered about and did some browsing and buying.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You just don't seem to be yourself these days."

"I'm fine," I assured her.

"Really?"

I sighed. "Yes, really, I'm alright. Yeah, so maybe some things in my life aren't exactly as I would like them to be, but that's life, isn't it?"

She didn't look convinced. "You and Aaron are spending a lot of time together."

"I suppose we are," I replied noncommittally.

"Do you think you should?"

I turned to look at her. "Why not?"

She shrugged. "Charlie?"

I looked away. "That's one of the things in my life that isn't working out as I had hoped."

"That may be, but I'm not sure that Aaron is… a good influence."

My eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

Jools shrugged. "I know he drinks fairly heavily and I just… worry about you."

I sighed. "So we're back to that again?"

She looked uncomfortable. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

I shook my head and snapped at her. "Jools, when will you get it through your head that I don't need mothering. I had one mother and although she's gone, the position isn't being advertised so stop trying to fill it." She looked shocked by my words. I even shocked myself, but I didn't show it.

"I'm… just trying to be a good friend… I know I'm your manager too… but I'm talking to you as a friend."

"Well then maybe I'd prefer 'Jools the manager' to talk to me. I'm a big girl and I don't need you to tell me what to do anymore."

"Fine," she said acidly. "I'm contracted to be your manager so there's no getting around that. I'm not contracted to be your friend and if that's the way you want it…"

We made the journey back to our hotel in an uncomfortable silence.
 

*          *          *
 
The San Francisco shows were a great success and we were all on a bit of a high as we made the last leg of our journey up to Seattle. The weather was not as favourable as it had been back in San Diego. It was cool and wet - just like home. Having played in San Francisco on Thursday and Friday nights and with the final two concerts being played in Seattle on Saturday and Sunday, there was little time to rest. We checked in at our hotel and then went to the concert arena for the sound check.

When I got back to the hotel, there was a plain white envelope in my room that had been pushed under the door. I picked it up and opened it. My blood ran cold and I sat down on the bed as I read it once more.

'I'm enjoying your shows, you hot little bitch.'

I'm not sure how long I sat there, but eventually I got up the strength to knock on the adjoining door to Gareth's room.

He opened the door, took one look at me and was immediately concerned. "What's wrong, Cara?"

I handed him the note and he exhaled slowly as he read it. "Damn," he murmured.

I felt quite hysterical and my voice was shaking. "He's here, Gareth. He's here. The envelope was pushed under the door; he knows I'm here. Hell, he even knows my room number."

Gareth shook his head and spoke softly, "You don't know that. Alright, so he knows which hotel you are staying in. That wouldn't be too hard to find out. He may have just handed the note in at reception and asked them to deliver it."

Gareth called Jools and Simon and they joined us in my room. They were both concerned and dismayed.

"Who's doing this?" I asked.

"I don't know," Jools answered softly.
 

*          *          *
 
We had only two more concerts to do but I wasn't sure how I was going to manage. Jools and Simon had tried to encourage me that it would be alright. The first concert that evening was OK. I wasn't on top form, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as my Birmingham debacle. After the show Jools tried to reassure me that it wasn't too bad. She said that she and Simon had arranged for us, as in our band only, to have a week's cooling off at an exclusive mountain resort for a few days. All I had to do, she said, was to get through one more concert.

Back at the hotel, Aaron tagged along with me hoping for our usual nightcap and chat together. Although I wasn't in great form, I didn't want to be alone so I was happy enough for him to come in. I was also happy enough to join him in several drinks, but I didn't want to talk about the note. Once again, he stood up to leave. He took me in his arms and kissed me tenderly.

"You know I'm really falling for you, Cara," he said softly.

I laughed and shook my head. "No you're not."

He smiled. "Oh yes I am. I've been good, haven't I?"

I grinned. "You have indeed."

He winked, kissed me once more and said, "Tomorrow night's our night." He left me alone.

I had a fair idea that he thought that since the next night was the last of the tour, he had hopes of something more happening between us. I was too preoccupied to think about it further. I got ready for bed and the elusive pursuit of a good night's sleep.
 

*          *          *
 
The next morning when I got up, I was filled with fear and dread. There, on the carpet in front of my door, was another plain white envelope. I sat and looked at it as if it might go away if I ignored it. I thought about getting Gareth in to open it, but then reasoned that if it made reference to my 'secret' it would be better if I opened it. So I picked it up and opened it. I read the words and this time the fear I felt was even more palpable.

'Tonight's our night for making it alright, bitch.'

I hammered on Gareth's door and he came bursting in a moment later. "What is it?" he asked. He noticed that I was only wearing a skimpy nightdress and turned away. "You're not dressed."

"I don't care about that," I said. "There's another note."

He turned back and took it from me. He sighed. "Look, whoever's doing this is trying to freak you out."

I shook my head. "I'm really scared Gareth… I think I know who it is who is sending these."
 

*          *          *
 
I went through it all again after Jools and Simon arrived in my room. While waiting for them, I had taken the opportunity to pull on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans.

"You think you know who sent the notes?" Simon asked.

I nodded. "Read this one that arrived this morning." I handed it to Simon who read it and then passed it to Jools.

"I don't understand," said Simon.

Jools frowned. "The words are a bit strange, but I don't see how this tells you who sent it."

I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just being paranoid. I wanted to be sure that I hadn't made a mistake. "Call Jon to come down," I said.

"What is it?" Jools asked. "What's Jon got to do with it?"

I refused to elaborate and waited for Jon to arrive. Jools brought him up to speed about the note that arrived the previous day. I handed him the latest note and he read it. His eyes narrowed.

"Shit," he murmured under his breath as he looked back at me. "No way…"

"Do you recognise the words?" I asked him.

He nodded slowly. I knew that Jon would recognise them.

"What the hell is going on?" Jools demanded impatiently.

"Jon, tell them," I said.

Jon ran a finger around his collar and breathed out slowly. "This is a line from a song. The song is called 'Making You Mine'."

"Whose song?" Simon asked.

Jon chewed his lip. "It's by 'Stealing Time'."

His words seemed to hang there in the air as everyone digested this. I had recognised them immediately as had Jon. We were both such fans that I'd known he would make the connection.

Jools shook her head. "It could be a coincidence?"

I swallowed hard. "I wish it was, but there's something else."

"What?"

"Last night… when Aaron was in my room… when he was saying goodnight, his last words to me were 'Tomorrow night's our night'."

Simon's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "My God!"

Jools chewed her lip. "Can this be for real? How?"

Jon spoke up. "There's another line in that song…"

"Oh God, yes," I interrupted and closed my eyes. "I'd forgotten about that."

Jon continued. "It's a fairly crude song from their earlier days, but at one point it says, 'I'd love to make you my bitch'." He hesitated for a moment. "All the notes… call Cara a bitch."

Gareth was pacing up and down the room. "Right," he said firmly, "What are we going to do?"

"We have to call the police and tell them all about this," Jools said.

Gareth nodded. "It may sound like a lot of coincidence and hearsay to them."

Simon spoke up, "Perhaps, but they'll have to take it seriously. Give them the note. Maybe there will be some fingerprints on it."

I frowned. "There weren't any fingerprints on the previous notes were there?"

Jools said, "There weren't any that the U.K. police could identify. Apparently there were some incomplete prints though."

Gareth had called the police and they promised to send someone over immediately. I took Jools and Jon off to a corner of my room.

"I can't work this out," I said. "If it's Aaron, what does he want? How could he know about… me being who I am?"

They both shook their heads. We couldn't figure it out, but we had to act on what we did know.
 

*          *          *
 
The police came and listened to the story. Jools spoke clearly and concisely and told them about the threats and the notes. Of course she neglected to mention the one that called me a transsexual bitch. The officers agreed that our suppositions were circumstantial, but did warrant further investigation. The difficulty was in checking the fingerprints. They telephoned the precinct and got a message back to confirm that none of the relevant databases had prints on record for Aaron. They were reluctant to arrest him on such a flimsy premise, as he was a prominent celebrity. They came up with another possibility.

That afternoon as we were doing our sound check, the officers arrived at the arena. I had been avoiding Aaron as best as I could and Jon and Gareth had been sticking to me like glue. The officers called for our attention and informed us that some sound equipment had been reported as stolen from the arena the previous night. Apparently some of it had been recovered from a pawnshop that morning. This was obviously a ruse, but who was to know any different? The police had obviously had a word with the owners of the venue so that they would play along.

The lead officer said that they had no specific suspicions, but it would be helpful and an act of good faith if the bands and crews would allow their fingerprints to be taken to see if any matched with those found on the recovered items. It sounded plausible enough and despite some low murmurings about police intrusion, everyone seemed to cooperate. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Aaron being printed. Most people were in good humour and found the whole procedure amusing. Obviously the police needed prints from Simon, Jools, Jon, Gareth and I for our prints to be eliminated as we had all handled the note.

I just wanted to get away from the venue and forget about the concert, but Jools said I had to act as normally as possible. Apparently it could take several hours for the prints to be processed and matched.
 

*          *          *
 
There had still been no word back from the police, as I got ready for the evening's performance. Jools and I sat by ourselves in my dressing room. We had asked Gina to give us a few moments together.

"Cara, I've been thinking," Jools began.

"What?" I said when she stopped speaking.

She shook her head. "I don't know if I should say this, but I've been troubled all day about it. It doesn't seem to add up. How could Aaron know about you? I can't think of any possibility to explain it. So I did some lateral thinking."

"And?" I prompted.

She sighed. "OK, who else on this trip knows about you?"

I shrugged. "Just you, me and Jon."

"Who else apart from you recognised and obviously knew the song lyric on the note?"

"Jon…" I said hesitantly. "Jools, wait a minute, what are…"

"Bear with me," she said. "Who might be jealous of your association with Aaron? Who still has feelings for you, but is troubled by your… secret?"

"This is ridiculous, Jools."

"When did the first note arrive?" she asked.

I paused and replied. "When we arrived back from America in the summer."

"What happened when you were in America?"

I looked at her for a long moment. "Well I met Aaron for the first time."

She nodded. "But what else happened?"

"Yosemite," I replied softly. I thought and then shook my head. "No, I can't accept that. It's not possible."

We looked at each other for a long time without speaking. "I hope to God it's not," she eventually replied.

I felt sick.
 

*          *          *
 
We were just about to leave the dressing room, as it was time to take to the stage when Simon knocked the door and came in with two of the police officers.

"What is it?" Jools asked sharply.

"Ma'am," one of the officers began, "We've processed the prints from the note and found a match."

"And?" I asked breathlessly.

"Excluding the prints from those who had handled the note in your room, we found another set of prints. These matched the prints we took from Aaron Kramer this afternoon."

"Shit," Jools hissed.

I felt a mixture of emotions. I felt fear as it was now confirmed that Aaron was behind the notes that had tormented me; I felt confusion as I still didn't understand it, but above all I felt relief as I realised that Jools' wild theory had been wrong. I also felt guilty for almost believing it.

"What are you going to do?" Jools demanded.

They shifted awkwardly. "We're going to arrest him… after tonight's performance."

"After?" Jools said with incredulity.

"Err… yes ma'am. We talked to Mr. Kramer's manager who has assured us full cooperation after the show. Mr. Kramer has not been informed and should not suspect anything."

"So you're saying tonight's show goes on as planned?" I asked with a tremulous voice.

"Yes ma'am," they confirmed.

They left the room and I looked at Simon and Jools. "I don't know if I can do this."

Jools squeezed my arm. "I know, but you have to. We'll be with you. Gareth is here too."

I sighed. "I want to get away from here right after our set. I don't want to do my backing vocal on their song and I don't want to be anywhere near… him."

Simon said, "Tell you what, how about I charter a helicopter to take you straight to our retreat lodge after your set. That way, you won't be anywhere near him at all."

I smiled gratefully. "That sounds good."

He nodded. "OK, it will be expensive, but I think I'll be able to justify the expense. There's a helipad on the roof. Let me get to it and see what I can rustle up."

He left and Jools hugged me. "You can do this. It's nearly over now."
 

*          *          *
 
Despite the day's events, our performance was surprisingly good. Perhaps it was due to the amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins. To be honest, I didn't really care. I just wanted to get it over and done with. When we came off stage, Aaron was there waiting. He grinned at me and gave me a hug. I had to steel myself not to flinch. He sensed something though.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I shrugged and forced a smile. "Just tired."

He smiled sympathetically. "See you later?"

I nodded and Gareth gently propelled me past Aaron and back to my dressing room. I got changed into a sweatshirt and jeans and waited there with Gareth and Jools. When 'Stealing Time' were on their fourth song, Simon came in and told us that the helicopter had arrived.

We went up to the roof. It was only a small helicopter. Simon apologised that it was all he could get at such short notice. There was only room for two passengers. Jools wanted to go with me, but she agreed that it made more sense if Gareth accompanied me.

As the helicopter lifted off the roof, I looked down at Jools and Simon below us and gave a wave and tried to smile bravely. I shivered and I felt Gareth put his arm around me.

"Are you OK?" he shouted.

I shrugged and nodded. I was quite happy to snuggle up against him. Although the day had been traumatic and tense, I was glad to be leaving all that trouble behind. Jools and Simon had promised to drive up to the retreat later that evening after making sure that Aaron was taken into custody. Jon and the rest of the guys had hired a car and were going to set out immediately. Our journey took about twenty minutes and thankfully the weather was good without too much wind. The resort was in the Snoqualmie Pass area. With it being a luxury resort, it had its own helipad.

We thanked the pilot and went to check in at the resort office. We got the keys for our lodge and walked to the edge of the resort park, where it was situated. Gareth opened the door and we entered. He turned the lights on and switched on the gas fire. It was a beautiful wood alpine-style lodge. It was by no means basic, though, as it was furnished luxuriously. Apparently it had five bedrooms and the adjacent lodge was booked for our party also. As the room started to warm up, I began to relax as we enjoyed a cup of tea in front of the fire. The peace was not to last.

With a loud crash, the front door burst open and two men dressed in black with ski masks over their faces rushed into the room. They had guns in their hands and in American accents told us to put our hands up. We slowly stood up. Gareth had reached down to his lower leg just before moving to stand up. A gun appeared in his hand and with a loud report, he shot one of the men in the forehead. I screamed and as Gareth lined up a shot on the second man, his target ducked down and fired at Gareth. Gareth was hit in the chest and the force of the impact threw him back to the floor. I screamed again. There had been no sound from the second shot, as the gunman must have had a silencer on his weapon.

The remaining gunman cursed and grabbed me. He forced a gloved hand over my mouth and with his other hand pulled a radio from his pocket and spoke harshly into it. "Corey's down, man, come give me a hand."

I tried to struggle and kick, but he was too strong for me. He held me firmly and a similarly dressed man came in the door panting for breath.

"I thought I heard a shot," he said.

"We've got to get out of here," the first one said. "Someone else might have heard it too."

"Shit," the new arrival said as he spotted his accomplice who was lying on the floor, his eyes wide open, obviously dead. "What do we do about Corey?" he asked.

"We have to take him with us. Pick him up and carry him out to the car."

"Aww man…"

"Just do it, we don't have much time."

I was dragged kicking and struggling to where they had a four-wheel drive utility vehicle parked. It was just down the track from our lodge. The dead man was unceremoniously dumped into the boot of the vehicle. There had been a short discussion about where to put me. Apparently the boot had been reserved for me, but they reckoned it was better to have a captive than a corpse in the back seat of the vehicle.

My hands were cuffed behind my back and they forced a rag into my mouth and tied it behind my head. They pulled one of their ski masks off and put it over my eyes so I couldn't see. I was belted into the back seat of the vehicle and they jumped in and drove off at speed.
 

*          *          *
 
I could hardly believe what had happened. I couldn't see or speak as the vehicle sped along bumpy roads. We had travelled in silence for the past few hours. Initially my captors had cursed and sworn about their dead friend. They didn't say a word to me. From what I had heard, they hadn't expected Gareth to have a gun. I hadn't known that he had one. I thought about Gareth and had a sinking feeling that he was dead. I thought the bullet had struck him on the left side of his chest and he hadn't moved afterwards.

I had plenty of time to think as we journeyed on, but it didn't help. I couldn't work out who my captors were. If Aaron had been on stage playing, who were these guys? One thing I knew was fear. Until now, fear had been an ethereal vague sensation of worry about something that might never happen. The real thing was different. I had never really experienced it before, except perhaps for when I sat in the hospital waiting for news about my mother. Initially fear can be paralysing and that had been how it affected me back at the lodge. As I sat in the back of that vehicle, it was strangely numbing. I couldn't do anything about my situation and I knew things were bad, yet I had a strange clarity of thought.

My mind turned to trying to put the pieces together. If it hadn't been Aaron who had been stalking me with those notes, who could it have been? Who knew about the resort we were heading to? Who knew that I was going to be there sooner than the others? Who knew about all the other things needed to write those notes? My mind turned back to my discussion with Jools earlier that evening. Jon? It was ridiculous. Although he was an answer to all the questions I had just asked myself, I couldn't believe it. I gave up and realised that I was going to have to wait to see what happened.

I was not sure how much time had passed, but it felt like several hours. The roads had got worse over the past hour or so and the vehicle had slowed in speed. Eventually we came to a halt and my captors got out. They pulled me from the car and took the mask off. I looked around and blinked in the darkness. I saw a wooden building surrounded by snow-covered trees and a frozen dirt track leading back in the direction we had obviously come from. It was the only way in and out that I could see. I was roughly dragged towards the building and brought inside.

There were another two men there. None of them wore masks now and they didn't seem to be afraid of letting me see their faces. This scared me. They were fairly average in most respects. Strong, well built, some of them with scars. The sort of men who looked like they were very familiar with trouble.

"Where's Corey?" one of the men in the cabin asked.

"Dead," replied the man who had shot Gareth. "Bodyguard iced him. Between the eyes."

"Shit," the first man cursed. "What did you do, Joe?"

"I killed him," he replied. I shivered.

The attention turned to me. Joe, the man who had dragged me in seemed to be in charge. "She's a pretty one, isn't she?"

"That's what the boss said," added another. "I wouldn't mind getting a piece…"

Joe shook his head. "Remember what he said. No one is to touch her…" he grinned, "…for now." He removed my gag and I spat to clear the taste of the cloth from my mouth.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked with a bravado that I didn't feel inside.

They just laughed at me. "Don't worry your pretty little head about that, sweetheart."

I was taken into another room that contained nothing but a wooden chair. One of them undid my cuffs, but only for a moment. He made me sit on the chair and cuffed my hands around the back of the chair, feeding them through the woodwork so I was chained to the chair.

"What do you want with me?" I screamed.

They laughed again. "All in good time," Joe said as they left and closed the door.
 

*          *          *
 
I'm not sure how long I was left sitting in the chair. As uncomfortable as it was and despite my fear, tiredness must have overcome me. I had nodded off and was woken by the creaking of the door. I looked up and blinked. My heart leapt within me when I saw who it was.

"Simon, oh thank God! Quick, you've got to help me before they find you!"

He shut the door and leaned up against it. His lips twisted into a sardonic smile and he laughed a nasty laugh. My mind caught up with me and I realised that Simon would have had no valid way of knowing where I was. His next words chilled me to the core of my being:

"Oh you really are the silly little bitch, aren't you… Nick?"

---