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Mom was waiting when I exited the doctor’s office.

“How did it go sweetheart?” she asked me as she set down the magazine she was reading and gathered her purse.

“Okay I guess.”

“Just okay?”

“Well, we talked about a few things, but mostly he wanted to know how this all started.”

“Do you still like this doctor?”

“Yes, he’s very nice, and I think… I'm starting to trust him.”
 

*          *          *
 
On our way down to the car, I remembered about the papers Miss Benson had handed me. I unzipped my notebook and pulled out the manila folder.

“Mother, Miss Benson asked me to give this to you. She also said there was no problem with the therapy bill either. She said ‘Consider it done.’ ”

“That’s good. I’ll wait a little while to see if… Hmmm” My Mother paused in walking and was intently looking over the papers.

I stopped and waited patiently for her to finish looking them over. I could clearly see that she was not really happy seeing those forms. In a sense, I suppose it was like a finality of killing off completely who I had been as Lynn, the boy. Because, when all of this was done, I would forever be Lynn, the girl.

Mom took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. I knew she was holding back tears. She looked over at me and forced a smile. “Okay sweety, we will take care of these next week.”

I smiled too.

I wanted to completely become a girl! And this was going to be part of that journey.

From what I knew so far, there were a lot of doctors I was going to have to see. And it wasn’t just as simple as putting on the clothes: there were medical procedures and drugs I would have to take and regular doctor visits. I never imagined this would be so complicated! How could we ever afford all these medical visits and things?

We rode in silence for a little ways before Mom asked me, “A penny for your thoughts?”

I knew what she wanted to know. I guess being a girl gives you some super special radar power to know something about what is going on, but Geez! I haven’t seemed to have acquired that yet in respect towards reading others, well, except Mom that is.

I guess it’s time I said something about it.

“Mom, I have been asking about boys.”

I saw my Mother flinch at that statement, and she ever so briefly closed her eyes and opened them again to focus on the road. Wow! I had better be careful what I say! I don’t want us to wreck!

“I see.”

She was silent, obviously waiting for me to continue. I knew that this subject was breaking her heart, so I knew I had to think carefully about what I said.

“Mom, I have been having urges inside me. Well, urges to want to have boys for friends. But I know how you feel about that issue.”

She was still silent.

“Well, I talked to Dr. Kingston about it and he gave me an eye opening of just what kind of danger I really am in. How careful I have to be and the precautions I need to take. Apparently, being friends and dating with boys will not be so simple for me as it could be with normal girls.”

My Mother slowly nodded as she changed lanes back over to the right side of the road.

“That is roughly half of what had been bothering me all day. What I want to tell you, no, what I need to tell you … is that I have a boy as a friend … already.”

My Mother's face formed a frown.

“Mother, wait please! Let me explain.”

“Go on,” her voice wavered.

“We are friends and I only see him a couple of times a day during school. He also … *sniff* … drives me home from school a lot … during the week.” I had a hard time to keep my emotions in check. I don’t know why my eyes decided that it was time to form tears in them. They just did.

“So just who is this boy you are allowing to drive you home?” My Mom stated with a coldness in her voice that hinted she was already upset at me. I really felt the anger in those words. Yikes!

“Mother, he is the Homecoming King of our school, his name is Jason. He is the one who danced with me most of that night and even brought me home when Mindy couldn’t because she was in the Hospital.”

I couldn’t read the expression on her face. This did not seem to be going well for me.

“Mother, so you should know, one, he has been nothing but a gentleman to me the entire time. He has not been all over me, and has not asked to do anything with me, well, you know, ‘adult type things.’ Two, no, he doesn’t know about me yet. I have not broached that subject and I really don’t know how to. So I am keeping what we are as just friends.”

“I needed to tell you this Mom. I had to. It has been eating me up trying to figure out how! I want you to trust me!”

Tears trickled down from my eyes. I just went kind of quiet as I could blurredly see we were going down the off ramp from the interstate. I stretched my arms out in front of me and clasped my hands as I looked down into my lap aimlessly.

When we stopped at the red light at the bottom of the off ramp, she spoke, “Well, I knew you were sort of checking out boys. It’s actually very visible in the change in your behaviour. I was waiting for you to tell me. Have you dated him yet without telling me?”

Snap! I can’t lie to her!

She made a right turn and accelerated.

“Jason stopped at the Burgerz shop not far from school to buy me a drink a couple of days ago. I don’t know if that is what you would consider a date, but that is all that has happened outside of seeing him at school and him driving me home. I swear it Mother, that is all of it.”

I had said all of this in a guilty pleading tone and I was cringing. I was worried Mom was going to lay down the law and forbid me to have boys for friends! I mean she sort of already did so a couple of years ago with me about girls. Mindy had been an exception. She had also made the point with me earlier too about boys.

We passed the road that led down to our school.

“Well, young lady, I was once a teen girl too. Since you are apparently one as well, I can’t expect to hold you to a different set of standards than what I had been through. Like I said, your change, if it ever truly was one at all, is causing me to rethink a lot of how I am treating you. I want to protect you Lynn. I don’t ever want to see you hurt. But If I’m too restrictive, I fear I will push you away from me and cause you to hide things from me. That I don’t want! I want us open and communicating. I want to go through this with you, me and you — together. You are not alone in what you are going through.”

A moment of silence engulfed us as I absorbed what she had said. I felt some shame, because, yes, I had been hiding things from her, both before now and some things yet coming. I did not like doing that either. I want to be close to her.

“How about I have some time to think this over on how I want to go about letting you mingle with boys? I can’t promise it will be entirely what you want, but you also know you are not entirely a girl yet either and Dr. Kingston was absolutely right. That is what I am afraid of. Ever since you opened up and became yourself, I have been worried sick for your safety!”

*sigh* That’s better than a flat out no. And Geez! I had no idea my being myself was causing her problems like that. I haven’t been in trouble yet or had a problem. That doesn’t mean I won’t though. Perhaps I have been extremely lucky so far?

I can’t stand seeing her hurt or worry over me like this either.

“I’m sorry Mommy.”

My Mother reached over and gave my hand a gentle, knowing squeeze.

“It’s okay sweetheart. Every mother worries about her children. It’s a part of growing up. The most unsettling part of life is letting go of your children in little stages: letting them walk and do things on their own, letting them live their own lives, and making their own choices. It’s very difficult for me to let go of you at all at this stage. You need so much help and guidance right now.”

I closed my eyes.

“Yes… I do.”
 

*          *          *
 
“Wake up Miss Sleepyhead.”

My mom squeezed my hand again. I smiled as I opened my eyes. We were home.

I carried my notebook and 2 school texts in with me. Once I settled down and set out my homework across my bed comforter, I called Mindy.

“Hey, Min, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, except I talked to Charlie and the guys are going to meet us Saturday afternoon,” she excitedly said.

I thought back to what Dr. Kingston had said about dating and wondered if I was making a terrible mistake in going along with Mindy? I had to consider Mom’s feelings too.

“Ok. Let me check and see if this is going to be OK with my Mother.” I reluctantly set the phone handset down and walked over to my Mother’s bedroom. Mom was sitting on her bed sorting out clothes she brought in from the dryer to hang and put away.

“Mom?” I quietly asked. “Mindy wants to go the mall this Saturday. Is it okay if I go?”

“What time Saturday?”

“In the afternoon. We were planning to look at some clothes and possibly see a movie together.”

“I guess that would be alright. Call me on your cell if you plan to see the movie. Okay sweety? ”

“Thanks Mom.” I hugged and gave her cheek a quick kiss. I smiled and went back into my bedroom, not quite closing the door all the way.

“Mom says I can go,” I giggled nervously. So much for Dr. Kingston’s warnings!

“Good. Be sure to wear something Rex will like,” Mindy said.

“Mindy,” I quietly whined, “Mom won’t let me out of the house if I wear what I want.”

“Then change over here! We have to look hot for the guys. I know Charlie is absolutely going to love the outfit I have picked out!” Mindy replied.

My stomach felt queasy. “Min … are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”

“Of course we are. How else are we going to see the guys?” She paused for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow Lynn, Okay?”

“All right Min, have a good night.”

I hung up the phone and started wondering whether Mindy was leading me down the wrong path or not. Dr. Kingston had said ‘no boys for right now,’ and here I was lining up a date with Rex. If I did start dating already, will that influence my thinking in regards to my wanting to be a girl? Of that, I’m almost certain. Am I really being fair to myself? I don’t know. There is also the risk of exposing myself and what it would do to my life. That is a nightmare I can’t comprehend just right now. It scares me. It’s almost too much for kid like me to think about. There was just … so much … and I knew that I was walking a tightrope.

This whole thing has been an exciting adventure, but now I have to make some very important life changing decisions to make. I now have two boys that want to be with me and I shouldn’t be seeing either of them.

I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts.

What should I do about Jason?

*sigh*

“How stupid!” I thought to myself, “Boys are a part of being a girl, and why shouldn’t I be like any other girl my age? As long as Dr. Kingston doesn’t find out, or Mom … what difference should my social life make to anyone else? If I play it smart and safe I should be able to be me and be as much a girl as possible.”

I went to the bathroom and gently washed and scrubbed my face. Afterwards I brushed my teeth. I then slipped into bed after giving mom a hug good night and turned over on my side. What was I going to do with those two boys? Of the two, I felt Jason’s arms slowly encompass me in his warmth as I let sleep slowly start to claim me. A smile pursed my lips.
 

*          *          *
 
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

I quickly shut off that annoying alarm! Mornings come too quickly for me.

I crawled out of bed and took my shower. During my washing, I had a few sharp pains from my stomach that jabbed me. I grimaced and pushed both hands up against that spot and waited for it to stop.

Whew! It seemed to stop. I continued on my showering, but the pains did not return. Thank God!

I finished dressing, having selected a nice short sleeve blouse and a pullover soft denim dress to wear over top of that. It was a nice contrast of the silky white arms sticking through the sides of the pullover against the dark blue denim material of the dress. I was pulling my hair back and slipped my pink plastic head band in to hold my in the style I fixed it up into when my Mother appeared at the doorway.

“Ready for breakfast sweetheart?”

I smiled at her. I was in a better mood since the alarm clock blared at me.

“Mmmm hmm.” I hummed softly.

My Mom’s eyes glistened as she studied me.

“How do I look Mom?” I did a little twirl for her.

“You are just so unbelievably beautiful.” I actually saw her sort of choke up some as her expression was sort of one who was in awe of me. Rather than let that affect me, I rushed up to her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and ran down the hall giggling to the kitchen.

“But you are my child!” Mom whispered to herself as she grinned and followed behind me.
 

*          *          *
 
“Now don’t forget, after school we are going to go over to Mrs. Swanson’s house to talk with her husband about you, so stay dressed as nicely as you are now. I’ll be taking off a little early today so we can meet with him.”

I was crunching down on a spoonful of corn pops as I listened to her. I looked up to her and nodded.

Mom then gave me a more serious look and asked, “Are you going to ride home with Jason today?”

Fudge! That was a loaded question! On one hand, Mom had not told me what her new rules would be. But, if I just outright said ‘yes’, it would not only be rude to her but her feelings. I never thought of this stuff before finding out I was a girl! But it seemed some part of me was now on auto pilot mode analyzing everything in different terms, along with my emotions being more tangible to things.

“Well, I was going to ask you after I ate if you would allow me to. I would like to ride home with him Mom, if it’s alright with you. If you haven’t decided on it yet, I will ride the bus home.”

I hope that was the right way to have said that…

Mom seemed a little perplexed at my answer and closed her eyes for a moment.

“Go ahead and ride home with him dear. I do want to meet him though and get his phone number. Invite him in and ask if he can wait for me to get here. I should be here roughly the same time you normally get home from school.”

Woah! That is presuming something else! I mean… Jason is a friend, but I haven’t allowed him get close to me yet. I mean… I haven’t let anyone really. I am not ready for that kind of thing yet. I know my brain is telling me to, but I know better.

“Mom, wouldn’t that like, be encouraging him to think something else? Like maybe he is my boyfriend?”

“Not at all dear. I simply want to meet your friend, to see for myself who he is, and whether or not I can bring myself to trust him with driving you dear.”

I rolled my eyes. “He is going to think this will be the “next step” up with him getting closer to me. I just want him as a friend for now.”

Mom smiled as she leaned down hugging me from behind.

“Life is so different as a girl huh?” she smirked.

“Yeah. I have a lot more to think about and it takes a lot more time to do things.”

“Is it unfair?” She stood back up.

I quietly answered, “No. Just different.”

“That’s my girl!” She smiled once again as she slung her purse over her shoulder. “See you this afternoon hon. Have a good day at school.”

“Bye Mom!”

I quickly finished my cereal and rinsed the dish and spoon out.
 

*          *          *
 
At lunch, I had just sat down across from Mindy at our table and Laura, when I felt a slight tap at my shoulder.

I turned around.

“Would you mind if I sat beside you to eat lunch with you Lynn?”

It was Mark from my from my former water polo team and in my Biology class.

I softly replied, “I don’t mind.” I gestured for him to take his seat next to me. Mark settled in beside me and started to eat. The girls were talking about other boys and various things. I stole a few glances to my side at Mark while I ate. He didn’t say anything at all. He was just eating. Nope! He didn’t even turn to steal glances at me. Weird!

Mindy and Laura took looks at him too. Laura shrugged her shoulders. I just continued to eat for another 5 minutes before I had to say something.

“Mark?” I quietly asked. “You don’t talk while you eat?”

“Mmmm. I do. Just this was my first time eating with you Lynn and I didn’t want to interrupt you or anything. “

Oh Wow! Mark really is shy!

“Well, talk about something then. I mean you obviously wanted to sit with me, so feel free to talk. I was waiting for you to say something.”

Mark sheepishly admitted, “I was waiting for you to say something too.”

Then we both said at the same time, “Well — “

I couldn’t hold it in, I laughed.

Mark sort of ran his fingers through his hair laughing with me. “I guess we think alike.”

“Yeah.” I mused. “Well you always did wait for me to take the lead in water polo.”

He finished his bite of green beans. “Well, yeah. You are the fastest swimmer we had and well… I functioned better on the team with you taking lead and me catching your passes.”

Laura’s ears perked up as she listened.

I reminisced about the fun I had participating in the sport with him before I got kicked off.

Laura then interjected, “The school water polo team? I thought it was boys only?”

Snap! Ummm…

“She joined us sometimes for fun after practice.” Mark covered for me. The redness of embarrassment still hadn’t left my cheeks. That subject was just a little too touchy.

“Are you going to be ready for the Biology test on Tuesday?” Mark continued, quickly changing the subject.

I did forget about that!

“I’m sure I will be. I have time on Sunday to study for it.”

Mark then offered, “Well Steve, Val, and Karen are going to be joining me over at my house Sunday from 11 am to 3 pm to study for it. You are welcome to come if you would like. Mr. Keatman said this test would be our hardest until finals - the nomenclature and definitions?”

It would be nice to study with new people. Hmmm.

“Tell you what: Let me get your address and phone and I’ll call you tonight after I talk with my Mother. I’d like to come, but to answer your question, I have to ask her first.”

Mark grinned really silly. Oh my gosh! That GRIN! That silly grin of his! I covered my face giggling.

I heard Mark snap a pen out and wrote on a napkin. I pulled my hand away from my vision as I got better control of myself from the giggle fit. He handed me the napkin.

“If you can come, cool! If not, we can try and set up in the library with you Monday afternoon here.”

I answered, “It’s a deal.” I accepted the napkin he had wrote his information on and slipped it into my purse.

I saw Mindy’s eyes widen along with Laura’s. I had to endure their razzing about being Miss Popular and being a boy magnet. I was a flirter and all manner of being just what I am — a girl. I can’t say I was Miss Popular — I did win Homecoming Princess, but yeah, I had to agree with them — a lot of boys were starting to notice me and Mark was the first since Homecoming to actually approach me and talk to me. Everyone had assumed Jason had staked his claim on me. He had not.

Jason had not sat down to lunch with me since that one day, but he was seeing me in the mornings and afternoons. As far as I was concerned, I was open to see others and try the water out.
 

*          *          *
 
Jason drove me home after school. It was a Friday, and that meant freedom to do what I wanted to until Monday! I snuggled as close to him as the consul would allow. His hand found its way to my leg above my knee. His fingers were doing something to my thigh that was driving me crazy. I wanted so much to kiss him, but I knew we would crash the car if I did. You know what they say about men drivers…

We finally reached my house and I had been so infatuated with Jason that I hadn’t noticed that his hand had moved up my leg. Now I knew why it felt so good! He had moved his hand past mid-thigh and my legs had involuntarily reacted by moving apart! I realized that if he went any farther up I might lose control of how I stay tucked up inside. That would mean instant death!

“Please don’t!” I softly begged Jason. I took his hand in mine to remove it from my leg and he intertwined his fingers in between mine and gently squeezed.

“I apologize Lynn. You are so intoxicating that I, well, lost my manners,” he sheepishly confessed.

“My Mother asked me to ask you… if it would alright, for you to wait for a few minutes… for her to get home. She wanted… to meet you.” I breathed out heavily. Jason was sure causing me to feel things that I was barely able to control! He knew just what to do to make me putty in his hands. I had to be very careful.

“She said a few minutes?”

I nodded.

“Sure, as long as neither you nor her mind.”

I smiled. “Honest. It’s okay. Please come in.”

Jason exited the car and walked around to let me out. He then held onto my hand again as we walked up to the house door. I felt him give my hand another squeeze. Those weird giddy feelings I kept having for Jason just jolted through me again when he did that. It felt good, but it made me weak to resist his advances. I quickly pulled my keys from my purse and unlocked the door.

“Have a seat on the couch Jason, I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like?”

I turned to face him as I sat after I had set my purse down on the kitchen counter and saw him studying me. His eyes just kept twinkling in the light and his, well, for lack of a better word — ‘manliness’ captivated something in my heart! I was swooning inside.

“Tea would be okay or else a coke if not?” he finally got around to saying, breaking the mesmerization of both of us having stared at one another.

My body was still tense and excited in a way. I breathed out, “We have iced tea. Sweetened?”

“That would fine Lynn.” Jason grinned and went on into the living room. I was in total control of myself... not!

Fudge it all! What is so wrong with me? I slammed the plastic pitcher of tea on the counter and let the refrigerator door shut a little too hard.

“Is everything alright in there?” Jason called out.

No! Everything is NOT okay. I have feelings for you and its distracting me!

“Yes. I… was a little… clumsy,” I came up with on the fly.

“Take your time, please.”

Why was I feeling so angry all of a sudden? His remark caused me to feel incensed and my initial emotion was to take offense at it: like he was ordering me around. But he wasn’t! I did not understand what I was feeling, but I reasoned I should keep it in for now and talk to Mom about it later.
 

*          *          *
 
I walked in with the drinks and carefully set his on the coffee table near him and took a sip from mine as I sat on the couch with some space between us.

“You and your Mother have a very nice home Lynn,” he commented.

“Thank you. She is into real estate and does take pride in how homes are kept on the inside and out. She sells them.”

I noticed Jason kept looking back at me, causing me to feel a little different. I guess as in being desired. It’s a little disconcerting if you are not used to that sort of look from someone before. I could literally feel his want of me. And my body, it wanted to conspire with him and betray me too.

I took another sip of tea and we both stared at one another again.

Just then, the front door opened. Mom was home! Whew! Too much longer alone with Jason and… well, I would be his.

Susan Collins set her purse down beside Lynn’s and walked on into the living room.

“I’m Susan Collins, Lynn’s Mother. Pleased to meet you.”

Jason leaned forward and shook my mother’s hand. “Jason Carlson Ma’am. My father owns a glass company that does special order windows and standard replacement for residential and commercial customers.”

Mom sat down in the love seat sofa and chatted away, prying out what she wanted to know about him. I was sort of left out of the conversation, so I picked up our now empty glasses and carried them back into the kitchen.

Upon returning, I heard mom say, “Just remember, I haven’t allowed Lynn to date yet. She is my pride and joy. If you can wait for her to be able to date until her fifteenth birthday next year, then I promise you, it will be worth it.”

Jason looked a little disappointed, but stiffened his resolve and came back with, “You are so right Mrs. Collins. She is worth waiting for. I’ll wait. I’d really rather be a friend first. We just barely know each other right now.”

My Mother, seeming satisfied with her ‘interrogation’ added, “It’s Ms. Collins. I have divorced from my ex-husband, but haven’t changed my last name yet. But you can call me Susan.”

Huh? Jason said he would wait? But he has been trying to get through my legs! Hmmm, I hope he means what he says. Maybe all boys are like that inside? I don’t know. I just knew that if he didn’t keep his word, then being even a friend would be impossible. But honestly, my body was reacting to him like programming.

“Well, it was nice meeting you Jason. Unfortunately Lynn and myself have an appointment to get to. Thank you for giving me your information and you can continue to drive Lynn home.”

“Thank you Ms. Collins.”

They both stood up. I put on a smile and walked Jason to our door.

“Thank you for the ride home Jason,” I stared up into those dreamy eyes of his again. Jason put his hand underneath my chin and lifted it a little so that we were eye to eye. He smiled back at me. This felt so… so… good!

“I-I’ll see… you… Monday?” I stammered as I broke through that spellbound gaze of his.

“Sure thing. Be safe!”

He then lifted my upraised hand to his lips and kissed the back of my hand like a Prince.
 
 
I was still reeling from that kiss when I felt Mom tapping me on my shoulder.

“Ready to go sweetheart?”

“Huh?” I just realized Jason had already driven off and his car was gone.

“That must have been some kiss,” Mom quipped as she gave me a pat on my bottom. I snapped out of it and went back inside to check myself in the bathroom mirror.

Finally ready, we headed out the door.

“I sure hope Mr. Swanson won’t wind up hating me.”

“Shush honey. Janet said Fred is a sort of understanding person. Think positive okay?”

I sighed. “Doesn’t help the fact that I feel scared though.”

Mom unlocked the car doors with the clicker. “I’m going to be right there with you baby.”

I sat down in the car seat, and closed the door. As I buckled up, I said, “Thanks Mommy.”
 

*          *          *
 
Mindy’s house was only ten minutes away, but it still felt like an eternity. The not knowing of how Mr. Swanson was going to take me just added to my anxiety from just having been with Jason. My life has been nothing but a rollercoaster ride for the past three weeks . Sometime soon, I just wanted to hop off and take a well deserved break.

We stood at the door and I just shivered. Mom , behind me, asked, “Lynn honey, press the doorbell.”

I was nervous. “Um-mm Mom. Can you do it? Please?”

I gave her those eyes. Mom relented and pushed the doorbell. I then switched position and hid behind Mom just as the front door opened.

Mindy greeted us. “Hi Ms. Collins.”

“Hi Mindy.” Mindy looked around Mom some and saw me there. “Lynn? What are you hiding for? Come on in.”

I smiled rather nervously as I walked in behind Mom.

Mindy’s mother had a casserole dish in her hand as she shut her oven door.

“Hi Susan. Can you and Lynn stay for dinner? I cooked a side of roast beef and we have some onions and corn and salad.”

It sure smelled good to me! Mom asked me, “Up to you Lynn. What do you think?”

I blinked. “Ummmm sure Mrs. Swanson. Sounds great!”

We entered into their living room where Mr. Swanson was watching the news on television. He saw us come in and clicked it off. Mom and me sat down on the sofa and Mindy squeezed in on my free side.

I could see Mr. Swanson was puzzled with who I was, but noticed Mindy sitting beside me. He greeted my Mom.

“Susan! It’s been awhile since you’ve been over. Where is... Lynn?”

Mrs. Swanson ushered in and sat down next to Fred.

“Fred, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Lynn.”

I sheepishly smiled and waved my hand a little. “Hi!”

Fred’s face went through a mixture of emotions.

Mindy started, “Daddy, I think I should begin and explain things. You see, it all began in Mr. Copeland’s class a couple of weeks ago…” Once again, Mindy and me retold the journey I took into becoming a girl. I could see the look of increduality upon his face at the situation I was currently in. Mrs. Swanson added she had already punished Mindy, and I had to step in and defend myself, since this was entirely my want and doing. No one forced me to be a girl. I was one.

Mr. Swanson then stood up, turned around and thought for a moment. He then stepped closer and squatted in front of me to have a closer look. Being under someone’s intense gaze is unnerving, I’ll have you know!

He swore, “I’d never believe it. I can’t tell you were ever a boy at all. All I see is a young girl. I guess that shows how much I really pay attention to people around me.”

“Lynn, you do plan on fully being a woman for the…”

“…rest of my life? Yes sir. I do. I am absolutely as certain of that as I am of anything. I am the same person, just presented a little differently on the outside.”

Mrs. Swanson interrupted. “Well Fred, what do you think?”

Mr. Swanson stood back up and answered, “She’s fine dear. I was and still am a little surprised, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. But I have to admit, you do look much prettier.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Mrs. Swanson smiled.

“Next time, however, sort of let me know in advance before you surprise me like that. You really had me wondering who you were at first. Okay? Let’s have dinner!”

Mindy leaned over and whispered rather matter-of-factly, “I told you so!”

I stuck my tongue out at her.

Mom warned, “Girls. Dinner.”

Why do parents always have to interrupt their children’s repartee?

Mindy poked me one last time on the arm and skipped ahead to the table. She can win if she wants, I thought to myself. Letting someone else win sometimes actually makes me feel good inside.

So I let her.
 

*          *          *
 
We had a great dinner and Mindy and me went into her room for a little bit and listened to some of her newest music CD’s before Mom said it was time to head on home.

In the car, Mom said, “You see honey? Things are sometimes better than what you think.”

I looked down into my lap. “You were right. I guess it doesn’t hurt to try and think positive of things. I mean both Mindy and her Mom know what he is like, so I guess I should have trusted them. This whole thing is scary to me, really.”

Mom glanced at me, “Oh?”

“Mom, I get these weird feelings when I am around Jason. I think it’s love, but my body seems to react to him. I mean… “

Mom waited and held her tongue. I found the words I wanted to say.

“…It’s like my body wants him and is trying to get me to go along with, well, being a girlfriend to him. But my brain understands what is happening and it’s really hard to hold back at times. I know your rules, I know common sense, and I am not ready for that sort of thing yet either. But, his presence causes me to react like that to him.”

Mom slowed down at the corner, stopped, turned the corner and began accelerating again.

“Promise me this now young lady. If you feel like you have to give in to him or he tries to push himself onto you — end it. Ride the bus home. Okay?”

“Yes ma’m.” I pathetically groaned out.

“I want you safe sweety. School comes first, relationships later.”

I nodded.

“Has he tried to do anything to you yet?”

I looked at her rather annoyed. “Mother! Would I have let him drive me home if he had? The problem is with me Mom, not him. He has been a perfect gentleman.”

“Okay sweety. I just wanted to be sure. I love you.”

I felt a pang of guilt. “I love you too Mommy.”

Would Jason really keep his hands to himself though?
 

*          *          *
 
“Lynnnnn! Phooonne!”

I never can get decent sleep around here - it’s Saturday morning to boot! I grumbled and trudged out of bed in my nightgown and limped down the hall to Mom.

“Thanks Mom!” My eyes were still squint shut. It was a little after nine still, Uuuugghh!

“What?” I answered the phone in a surly tone of voice.

“Well, didn’t we get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” Mindy responded.

“Do you have any idea as to what time it is, Mindy?” I irratatedly asked. My tone of voice hadn’t improved.

“It’s almost noon and we have someone to meet at one.”

“Mindy, it’s a little after nine and you woke me up,” I whined.

“That’s just the point! You have a lot to do before you come over here.”

“Like what?”

“Like eat breakfast, shower, do your hair and makeup, find something to wear that’s going to look good for the guys and you still have to be at my house by twelve. I can’t believe you were still in bed,” Mindy exclaimed, in mock indignation.

“I’m sorry Mindy, I’m still new at this,” I groveled. I tried wiping the crusty sleep from my eyes.

“All the more reason to start getting ready, because it will take you longer, so get a move on girl. See you in a little while.”

I hung up the phone and joined mom in the kitchen.

“Morning Mom,” I said, yawning.

“Good morning sweetheart. Do you have any plans for today?”

“Yes, Mindy wants me to go to the mall with her.”

“Okay. I have a house to show so I’ll be leaving in an hour. Do you want me to drop you off at Mindy’s house?”

“I don’t think I’ll be ready by then. But I’ll start now and see.”

I quickly fixed a bagel with cream cheese and then headed to the bathroom.

I was still blow-drying my hair when Mom called through the bathroom door, “Honey, I have to head off. I see you aren’t done yet. You be careful and call me when you reach Mindy’s.”

“I will,” I replied.

I silently thanked God that Mom was leaving. I didn’t want her to see what I had in mind to wear. Mom was pretty liberal about most things, but I knew she would freak if she were to see what I was going to wear.

Let’s see, I ate my breakfast, showered, shaved my legs and washed and conditioned my hair. Hmm. Can’t do my makeup until I dress. Hmm. I am not forgetting anything.

I was worried that my forms might be loosening, but they were holding firm. I really wish they were real though. Maybe someday, I thought.

I looked at the clock and it was already past ten-thirty. I frowned. Mindy was right as usual. Being a girl does take a lot of time.
 

*          *          *
 
It took forever to dry my hair and style it somewhat. Thank God I had the common sense to pick out last night what I wanted to wear for today! I put on my bra and panties after pushing that ‘thing’ between my legs up inside of me, carefully. My blouse went on next and I carefully tied it under my breasts. My denim hip hugging, miniskirt and white canvass shoes finished my look. I applied a light amount of makeup, definitely accentuating my eyes with some light blue and mascara, but not too much. I looked in the mirror and knew that Rex would definitely be impressed. It was almost noon by the time I had finished my makeup.

I went out to our bus stop, and caught the bus over to Mindy’s. As I stepped down off the bus, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Mom.

“Susan Collins, Coldwell Bank Realty.”

I held the phone close. “Hi Mom. You told me to call you.”

“Okay Sweety. Is everything okay?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Have you decided where you would go to yet at the mall?”

I nervously licked my lips before saying, “Not yet. But I haven’t gone into Mindy’s house yet. I’m calling from outside her house at the Bus stop.”

I heard Mom laugh. Yeah, I probably should have talked to Mindy first before calling her.

“Just give another ring once you are at the mall and let me know something about where you will be and what time you’ll head back on home. Okay dear?”

“I will Mom. Love you.”

“I love you Lynn.”

I folded my phone closed and put it back into my purse. That thing is really handy!

Oh, well, here goes.

I walked up to Mindy’s and rang the doorbell.

The door whipped right open and Mindy’s jaw dropped.

“Oh my God! You are absolutely stunning!”

I blushed and looked demurely down.

“Lynn! For crying out loud! You are no novice to being a girl!” Mindy seemed more than just a little upset.

I whined, “What did I do Min? I was just a little embarrassed.”

“Lynn Collins! You know perfectly well how to turn boys on! You just provocatively showed me! Don’t you dare make any moves on my Charlie!”

What the Fudge?

“Mindy! Honestly. I don’t even really want to be doing this.”

Mindy huffed. She looked around real quick and pulled her purse on and shut the door. I noticed a few tears coming out of her eyes.

As we walked across her yard over to the bus stop, I took that moment to really look at what she was wearing. Mindy had dressed pretty much the same as me, except her blouse was more open than mine. I assumed that her parents had gone out for the day since she had dressed like that.

I really don’t know why Mindy just hauled off and was upset at me. It’s not like I offered to go do this, Mindy had to rope me into it. And secondly, I have not been a girl for very long! I really don’t know what I am doing. If Mindy says I’m a natural, then this just has to be my worst luck at doing this right then, because I truly have no idea just what it is I am doing.

“Mindy, come on,” I quietly spoke, concerned, “What’s bothering you?”

We stopped by the waiting shelter and sat down on the bench.

“You!”

“Me?” I replied, absolutely surprised.

Just then I noticed she had lowered her head and I heard her softly crying. I quickly reached into my purse and pulled out some tissues before pulling her to me and holding her.

I forced the tissues into her hand and got her to start dabbing at them to try and slow the destruction of her makeup down some.

“L-l-lynn… I’m ju-s-st s-so jealous! Y-you haven’t… been a girl long. And y-you look s-so much prettier… so much more beautiful than me!”

I sighed. “Mindy,” I quietly whispered, “You are just as beautiful as me.”

Mindy choked out, “No… I’m not.”

I couldn’t believe Mindy was doing this. Usually I would be the one upset at what was happening to me. But… this? Why would Mindy be jealous of me, a girl who isn’t quite a girl completely? I leaned my head against hers.

I offered, “I’ll go ahead, go back home, dress down and come back to go with you. Would that be okay Min?”

“No.” she moaned. Then, in a tone of resignation, she continued, “You just can’t help it Lynn. You are a beautiful person. Your personality, who you are — I feel it. I know the boy’s feel it… and they want you… for being that way. At school, you are the talk in the hallways. All I ever hear is how a lot of the girls are envious and jealous of you. The boys, they all want you.”

Snap! No Way!

“Well, Mindy, you have nothing to be jealous of. You know what happened with me — you were there. All of this, because of a practical joke. I’m actually envious of you Mindy.”

Mindy sniffled and looked up at me. “Why would you?”

It was my turn to hold my tears in. I choked out, “Because… because I can’t… have my own baby.”

Mindy giggled. “Lynn I know there are ways you could have one. Before you get your operation, they can save your… stuff… and can freeze it for future fertilizing.”

I didn’t know that! Hmmm!!!

“You can also adopt a baby too.”

“I’d rather be the one, you know, giving birth? I want to feel the baby growing inside of me. Its a special feeling, I really would like to feel.”

Mindy squeezed my hand.

“My one best friend, who used to be a boy… and I find out he wants to be a mother.”

I grinned. “You better believe it girlfriend. Being a mom is something I look forward to being one day. I actually adore my Mother and saw just how tough it is to be one. I want to be just like her and be a great mom for my own daughter, or son.”

Mindy eyed me with a fascination. “Lynn you just amaze me.”

“Well Min,” I confessed, as I saw the bus approaching us down the street, “I hope you don’t move away.”

Mindy saw the bus too and stood up. She asked, “Why’s that?”

“So we can babysit each other’s children.”

Mindy smacked my arm playfully.

“Being a Mother is the toughest job in the world. And we can help each other. I don’t ever want you out of my life Mindy.”

Mindy pulled her little makeup compact out and held onto it while the bus squeaked stop in front of us. We boarded the bus.

On the way down the aisle, past some men and some other teen boys, both of noticed how they all seemed to stare at me with want. Yeah, I guess Mindy is right. She usually is.

As we sat down, Mindy leaned and whispered a little harshly into my ear, “See? I told you so!! You just look hot.”

I saw that a couple of the boys were looking back my way and eyeing me.

Oh my Gosh! I blushed.

Mindy quickly began touching up her makeup.
 

*          *          *
 
To say that we received some looks would be an understatement. The women frowned at us and all the guys smiled. I guess we had done something right.

We entered the mall and found the guys. From the look on their faces I could tell they were thinking this was their lucky day, and they were probably right.

“Hi guys,” Mindy non-chalantly cooed.

“Wow! You look really amazing!” Charlie blurted, stating the obvious.

“Thanks,” Mindy blushed.

“Hello Lynn. You…you… look really nice!” Rex said, innocently.

Rex might have sounded innocent, but his eyes said something else entirely. I saw the aching desire he had for me.

“Hi Rex,” I softly answered. “Thanks.”

“We should hurry, because the show is going to start in a few minutes,” Charlie said.

“Okay,” we all replied.

Rex put his hand on my exposed hip above my skirt, the way he had his arm around my waist. His hand sent a shiver through my body. I needed to control how I felt!!! I just knew that this was going to be a very interesting afternoon.
 

*          *          *
 
The guys bought our tickets for the movie. I guess that’s one of the benefits about being a girl?

The movie we were seeing was Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End.

Oops! I just remembered! I had to call Mom.

“Rex wait for me for a minute over there please? I need to call my Mom.”

“Okay.”

I walked over to a spot by a door and some movie posters where no one happened to be milling about and pulled my cell phone out. I dialed Mom and returned my gaze back over to Mindy, Charlie, and Rex, who were waiting by the ticket taker for me.

“Mom?”

“Hi Sweety!”

“Mindy and me are watching Pirates of the Carribean 3. The one with Johnny Depp.”

“Okay. What time are you looking at being back home by?”

“I think maybe four or fivesh?”

“Okay dear. I’ll probably be home about then too. Try and get ready and look nice, I’ll be taking us out to dinner at Red Lobster tonight. How’s that sound?”

Mmmmmm! My senses perked up that alright! I loved lobster!!!

“Fabulous Mom! I’ll be ready! Love you!”

“Love you too precious! See you.”

I closed the phone and put it back down into my purse.
 

*          *          *
 
We found our seats in the rear of the theater. Charlie said we should sit in the back row, and since the guys bought the tickets it really was their choice. I personally thought something closer to the screen, like maybe in the middle of the theater would be better, but what do I know?

“Would you like some popcorn?” Rex asked.

“Sure,” I responded. Free food? Who in their right mind would turn down something like that?

Rex returned about fifteen minutes later with a tub of popcorn and a drink.

“I hope you still like coke?” he asked hopefully.

“You remembered!” I flirted, smiling like he was my knight in shining armor!

“How could I forget,” he said, and kissed my cheek.

Woah! I wasn’t expecting that! I felt myself blush when he did that.

We ate the popcorn until the lights dimmed for the show. Rex placed the tub on the ground and placed his hand on my thigh. He began to caress my leg and it felt different from when Jason did the same thing. Instead of the touch being sensuous, and sending shivers of thrill up and down my being, it was coarse and rough feeling - not romantic at all.

Rex was on a mission and it didn’t take him long to move almost directly to my panties! What the Fudge! He hadn’t even kissed me properly yet and was already trying to do more than I would allow ANYONE to do until I was fixed to be a proper girl! I didn’t like what he was doing nor the speed at which he was doing it with either and pushed his hand away.

“Please don’t.” I softly requested. I was trying to be nice about this.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” he whispered back.

“Please don’t go there... between my legs,” I clarified in a quiet response.

“Why not?” he asked slightly louder, the indignation showing in his voice.

“Because I don’t want it,” I softly stated.

I really didn’t like what Rex was wanting from me. With Jason, I felt something special around him. With Rex, nothing at all. This was not like how he was the first time we had met. Then, when we sort of made out, he was a little more refined about it and did things a little more tactfully than he was doing now. I was in the mood for it then as well. Now, he is rough and forceful, and I was not even in the mood now for foreplay. I had absolutely no desire to make out with him.

Maybe I am growing up, or maybe what Dr. Kingston had said was beginning to make sense to me. I was playing with fire. And I knew that he was right. If Rex’s hand had traveled much farther… despite the way I could push myself up inside, if he had felt in there… I would be killed. Rex’s temperament and attitude gave me good reason to fear him if that happened.

“Charlie said you and Mindy both wanted this,” he mumbled.

I looked over at Mindy and Charlie and could see from the position of his hands… Mindy was more than wanting this! Asking for her opinion right now would be a waste of time.

“Rex,” I whispered into his ear, “I’m not Mindy. I would appreciate it, a lot, if you would respect me and move much slower. Please? I realize what we did the first time, but I would really like to know you better before I do something like that again.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” he replied, his disappointment showing in his voice.

I placed my hand on top of his. “Thank you,” I quietly finished, visibly showing relief.
 
 
Eventually, when the action in the movie picked up, Rex placed his hand around my shoulder and I automatically snuggled up close to him. I liked this part of being with a boy — being held and feeling safe. But I did not appreciate the way in which Rex had treated me earlier.

I wondered why Jason’s touch affects me like it does? Could it be my feelings for him are different than I would feel for Rex? Or was it something else entirely?

As the movie continued, Rex’s lips found mine. I did like the way he kissed and that started to change my mood. Our kisses continued and I began to relax a little too much. I didn’t realize what he was doing until I felt my breast form moving some on my chest. If he was caressing me before, I didn’t know it because of the lack of feeling. It was made out of some sort of rubber stuff.

I grasped his hand and casually pulled it away from my chest and put it back down around my waist. “Rex, please. That is entirely too quick for that.”

“Why not? I paid for your movie ticket?” he irratatedly defended himself.

“A movie ticket doesn’t give you the right to do whatever it is you want to me,” I argued.

I was pissed!!! If Rex had no better respect for me then I was getting out of here!

“Look at Mindy and Charlie!” he responded, angrily, “Mindy seems to be enjoying it.”

I looked back over at Mindy and saw that he was indeed right. Mindy and Charlie were locked in a kiss, and it wasn’t just any kiss. It looked as though his tongue was half way down her throat. Even more disturbing was where his hand was! Her short skirt was wrapped around her waist and his hand was deep inside her panties. Her legs had moved apart and… omigosh! Well… you get the idea! This was definitely NOT what I had in mind when I came here. If Mindy wanted to be a slut, then that was her business! I wasn’t going to join in no matter what Rex wanted! The first reason was an absolute given! My secret would be discovered! But more importantly, I wanted to remain and be a nice girl.

“Well guess what Rex? I’m not like that,” I angrily retorted.

“How do you know if you don’t try it?”

“Because! I have respect for myself! I’m going to save myself for someone special and someone who will treat me like a person, rather than…,” I pointed over at Mindy, “than that! And I’m not going to try it!”

Several nearby patrons looked over at us and said, “Would you mind taking your argument outta here? ... Hush!”

Omigosh! I am so embarrassed!

“Fine, it’s your loss,” he spat

“I guess it is,” I said and slammed my back deep into the seat, crossing my arms across my chest.

“Fine,” he snorted, having to have the last word, and did the same - crossed his arms.

If I wasn’t actually involved in this situation, I would have been laughing at our actions. We were both pouting like a couple of small children. Funny thing though is, it was all too real and made sense to me.

We remained like that until the movie ended. Mindy pulled her skirt down and noticed my disgusted look.

“What?” she asked incredulously

“You know what! I’ll talk to you later about it.”
 

*          *          *
 
We left the theater and parted company with the boys. I was really angry at Mindy’s lack of morality and she was pissed at me because of my actions with Rex.

“What’s with you?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” I responded, knowing full well what she meant, but I wanted to see if she had the gall to tell me.

“You know what I mean. You were a jerk with Rex!”

“Oh really Miss spread your legs? Just because I didn’t want to go there is no reason for you to be angry with me.”

“You almost ruined it between Charlie and me!” she angrily replied.

“And what was I supposed to do? Hello! Earth to Mindy! There is a difference between you and me!!! I’m sure your friend Rex would just love to find out about it,” I comically reminded her right to her face.

“Or perhaps you'd like to see me killed right in front of you?”

Mindy’s expression turned from anger to remorse when she remembered that I wasn’t like her, in more ways than one.

“I’m so sorry Lynn, I forgot. I keep forgetting that you aren’t like me yet,” she said with true regret.

“No I’m not Mindy. And after today I can see why your mother doesn’t want you to date yet!!!” I snapped. My anger still hadn’t subsided.

“What do you mean by that?” Mindy fired back.

“You know darned well Mindy. The whole theater could see where his hand was. Even I was embarrassed watching what he was doing to you.”

“You could?”

Mindy had been so turned on that she had no idea of what was happening around her. All she could think about was how good Charlie made her feel and not of how wrong it was to be doing it in full view of everyone else.

“Yes you could, and I wasn’t the only one to see what you were doing.”

“Others saw?” she exclaimed, her face turned a bright red.

“Absolutely. You should have seen the two boys three rows down watching you. I even think they were doing something themselves by watching you two go at it. I was so embarrassed,” I lied.

“Oh My God! Just shoot me now,” Mindy groaned.

I felt bad about lying to Mindy about those boys seeing her, but what she had done was wrong. Maybe she’ll think twice before she gets carried away in a theater again? I know I shouldn’t be so indignant. After all I did get carried away myself the last time I was with Rex. But I had done some growing up between now and then.

We didn’t talk to one another as we took the bus to Mindy’s house. I was still angry at Mindy, so my parting was short.

“Bye Mindy. I’ll call you later,” I quietly said.

“Bye Lynn, I’m truly sorry for…” she stopped. I could see the beginning of tears in her eyes, but I didn’t feel like saying anything more.

I walked home from there.
 

*          *          *
 
I needed to rethink my friendship with Mindy.

I love her to pieces, but now, I started to see just what kind of influence she was having on my life. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be walking home wearing a mini-skirt and a short blouse with my tummy exposed. I also wouldn’t be upset with the disrespect I had been shown to by a boy. In fact, I would still be a boy, as much as I hated that idea. Ugghh!

I could see just what my mother had concerning Mindy. Mindy jumped into things before looking at what the results might be. Charlie was a great example!. Mindy wanted to date so badly that she allowed herself to be used by a much more experienced boy. She thought she would be loved because she opened her legs to his hand! As crazy as it seems, I might have gone along with what she did too, if I didn’t have the wrong equipment between my legs at this moment. I’ve been a girl for only a few weeks and I was finding out just how hard it was to keep my head on straight. If Jason wasn’t really such a nice guy, I know I’d be in trouble! He treats me so nicely, I forget that I’m not a girl, and like Dr. Kingston warned, it could have fatal results.
 

*          *          *
 
Mom wasn’t home yet when I arrived, so I went to my room and stripped out of my blouse and skirt. I then prompty collapsed down onto my bed and closed my eyes. I wanted to forget about this whole afternoon! I let the tears drip out now.
 
 
I guess I must have fallen asleep. I was startled awake when I felt Mom's hands on my shoulder, gently shaking me.

“Hey there sleepy head,” she said with a smile. “Everything okay?

Mom had asked an innocent question, but will there be an innocent answer? I realized I was laying there in only my bra and panties. I knew that Mom also knew something was wrong. Mom had become my biggest supporter in all of this and had been nothing but honest with me with everything ever since finding out about my being a girl. Now it was my turn to return the openness she had begun sharing with me.

“We kind of had fun Mommy, but there are things I have to talk to you about. We met some boys at the mall and I didn’t tell you about it before we went. I know it was wrong, but I thought all we would do is see a movie. I’m very sorry Mom,” I replied, as tears filled my eyes.

Mom’s reaction wasn’t what I expected. I assumed she would go ballistic. She didn’t though, but had a look of deep concern on her face.

“Did something bad happen to you?” she asked, obviously concerned that she hadn’t been there to protect her daughter.

“No Mom, nothing bad happened. But it came so close to almost happening. The boy I was with… he wanted to, you know… do more than… make out,” I responded as the tears continued to flow. I sat up and pushed my head against my Mother’s soft chest and felt her arms hold me to her tight.

“Why was he like that?”

“Because,” I sniffled, “His friend told me that… Mindy… and I… wanted it! *sniff* *sniff* ”

Mom just cooed to me softly for a moment.

“Why would he get that idea?”

“Mindy… she… wanted…”

I could feel Mom tensing up!

“Ooo, I just knew that Mindy was trouble! What did that boy do to you?” she asked me, more out of concern than anger at Mindy.

“He rubbed my leg and felt my breast. I asked him to not to do it when he touched my leg, but later he went on ahead and felt my breast.”

“What did you do?”

“I got mad at him and ignored him after that. I was really angry and he knew it. But he was mad because I wouldn’t let him touch me.”

“Good girl! Now you know why I don’t want you dating boys yet! There is a lot to learn and you need to know what to do. Now, I’m not very pleased that you lied to me, well, not lie, but omitted important information from me. You could have been injured very seriously by that boy. Luckily, nothing bad happened. But I don’t want you doing what you did, ever again! Comprende?”

I looked up at her through tear blurred eyes and nodded.

“If you’re going to see a boy, I want to know in advance and well before. Let this be a lesson for you. Being a girl is dangerous, and even moreso, for you! When you see Dr. Kingston on Tuesday, I want you to tell him about today. Promise me?”

“Yes Mom. I promise, I will,” I sniffed.

“Okay. How about you go wash your face some and put on your nice green dress? Let’s treat you to your favorite food.”

I couldn’t believe she would still take me out after what I had just admitted to!!! I cried and just hugged her for everything I was worth.

How could I be so lucky to have an awesome parent like her?

---

 
To Be Continued...