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Chapter 16-Despair By Stanman63 Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and JennaFL for Proofing and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration! Synopsis:As Kelly grows into her womanhood, all seems to be going well, but a tragic encounter with Johnny kills her spirit, leaving her in despair. |
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I became popular and was soon joining the Cheerleaders and attending the games. I dressed out, but since I did not know the routines, I never did any stunts until my senior year. Then I became Head Cheerleader because of my abilities, much to the chagrin of others who thought that they had earned the title, but even those girls had to admit that I was better qualified.
When they discovered my original gender, they were amazed that my breast forms and gaffe made me look like a girl, and when they saw what little bit of boyhood I had, they admitted that I couldn't do a thing with it, but pee. When I showed them Johnny's picture, they admitted that they'd have done what I'd done with him.
Being accepted as a girl was a balm upon my Heart. Up here, even though I was still known as Kelly from Ronzi's, I was also known as a new girl with a bit of a difference. Brian/Debbie was well known here, and was respected as store owner and teacher here.
When Granny and Grandpa had accepted Debbie, so did the community. Not even the barbed venom from that bastard preacher that grandpa used to listen to would make a difference. When he had Brian attacked, it woke up the church and quickly divided it.
Grandpa became the leader of those that stayed in the troubled Tri-County United Methodist Church and welcomed Pastor Patrick when he took over as Pastor. After that, they wanted to leave, but Pastor Patrick convinced them to stay and become community leaders, using their connections to help the church to recover from the split.
The bastard pastor led his people to form his church just beyond Constable Sebastian's jurisdiction in sheriff where Judge refused to expedite him which happened until recently when Mister Woods bought the church property that was put up to fund the pastor's ambitions. He expected for his congregation to buy it. But because he did not make sure about the buyer, he lost.
This is what Granny was thinking about me at the time:
['It is a wonder that Debbie found the strength to help my granddaughter, Kelly. But Debbie has shown the inner strength that I knew she had. When she was Brian, she and our adopted son, Stu were best friends only Stu and Terri knew about Brian's secret desire to become a girl. How sad that it took his being attacked to bring about the birth of Debbie, and taking Stu’s intervention to get Joe to finally accept his new daughter.
Joe and I discovered Brian’s desire accidentally when his reading those stories at Big Closet. It happened when Brian left his computer on when hr was called to dinner. He was always curious, so we thought that was simply his way of exploring things. Joe and I NEVER curtailed our children from being curious, but when I brought it up at dinner, all hell broke loose.
When I mentioned what I saw on Brian's computer, he got very defensive about it. So much so that Joe told him that he was being unfair, that he was not being judged. But Brian said that dressing as a ballerina for Halloween last year had shown him that he liked wearing dresses. Joe's remark about that not being too bad, because Brian could find a job where wearing dresses was a part of the job.
But Joe was thinking about the stage, being a cop, private investigator, but not what Brian revealed. Brian wanted to live AS woman with the option of becoming one later on. Oh, the vile hatred and venom that spewed from Joe was exactly the words put forth by Avery Linden in his church. But at least Joe did not start hitting on our distraught son. And it took loads of courage for Stu to stand up to Joe.
That broke Joe's rage, seeing his adopted son holding his other son as Brian wept silently. Poor Terri looked at Joe as I did, tears cascading from our eyes as mute testimony to our broken hearts. Then Stu's words of wisdom finally got through to Joe, and he accepted Brian's need to be Debbie. He agreed that Brian could be Debbie around the farm and could go to town to buy Debbie an assortment of skirts, dresses, lingerie, shoes, makeup. And perfume, but would use Brian's unisex clothes for farm work.
Joe STILL blames himself for the birth of Debbie. He went to talk to Hector Brown about buying his small farm. Old Hec had divvied up his land into one acre plots with a large house and barn for his sons and daughters, but they moved into the Tri-County area to be rid of Linden and his poison.
Unfortunately, while Joe was buying it so Hec could join his family, that bastard Linden Avery had his goons to attack and mutilate Brian. Poor Stu had to protect his sister Terri instead of helping Brian. Stu finally saw red and started his attack on them when Constable Sebastian arrived and rounded up those responsible. It was Sebastian that gave a focus for Stu's anger by getting him to become a police officer.
Now, I have his son turned daughter to help become a lady. I know that Anna and Julie have done a lot in teaching Kelly to be a girl, but I and Debbie must teach her the inner strength to resist sex with Johnny, or she will get hurt. If that ever happens, Joe will go on the warpath and take the Law into his own hands.
Me, I have to be here if that ever happens so that Joe will not hate himself for what he may do. He made a promise to be there for Brian, and he wasn't. Now, my Joe has made that same vow for Kelly. Will history repeat itself? Or will Kelly be spared?']
It was two weeks later, and I had yet to do anything about becoming a woman as I was promised by Aunt Debbie and my grandparents. My grandparents were once again out at the Church, helping with the Church Thrift Store. As was their custom, they loaded up Granny's canned goods and quilts as well as Grandpa's repaired appliances and woodwork. Whatever was not sold was brought back because there was no room for storage. The store was in the Church basement-Fellowship Hall.
Those two love to work with their hands and would go to the thrift stores and collect the discards and remake them. Granny has taken old clothes and turned them into quilts, bedspreads, comforters, and designer originals that she has sold to help raise money for charities that ask for help and for people needing help in paying a hospital bill. But most of her creations are given as gifts, or donated to the Tri-County Thrift Store.
Grandpa's tinkering with machines has given him an insight into how things work. He has rebuilt every kind of farm equipment, automobile, appliances and electronics enough that he has a barn set aside, full of stuff the he has either fixed, or is fixing with Granny's contributions in the loft.
They have a table set up to display their wares, and often spend all day Saturday there just visiting with their many friends. Those tat buy the merchandise are those who have read the ads about the store or heard it on the radio or TV. Over the years, the top quality of the merchandise and Grandpa's tinkerings had earned the store a very high reputation among the commuters and locals.
This is what Aunt Debbie was thinking about me:
['Kelly will now need to pass as a woman now that she is attending school as a girl. She'll need to get use to the weight staying on her chest as well as the gaffe that will tuck her boy bits safely away and let her look like a girl.
That is perhaps the best thing she will get from being out here with us. She really needs no more training in being a girl. What she needs is time to become a woman away from the temptation of Johnny. I know that the next time that she meets Johnny that she will give herself to him. This time, I hope things fare better.
The first time, Kelly wore a cheerleader uniform when she gave Johnny oral sex, and again not long afterwards. I do not know if it is more lust, or love that they share and it's mainly Kelly's libido in charge with Johnny being the lucky recipient of her attention.
But I can read the signs all too clearly, something is about to happen, but I can't tell exactly, what! Or am I letting my own past cloud my judgement? I can not be sure, but even though that bastard pastor is now locked up, how soon will he be free?
Aunt Debbie and I were eating breakfast outside in an enclosed gazebo that Grandpa had just built in the backyard. I was wearing a black skirted leotard and white hose in preparation for working out at the gym with Auntie later that day. She was wearing a pink unitard, I was thinking about the fact that she was a girl while I was still physically a boy.
I felt it was time to start, so I turned to Aunt Debbie, “It has been 2 weeks. When do I see a doctor about being turned into a girl?" ['I hope that she won't discourage me from having the surgery.']
Aunt Debbie sighed, "Are you sure and certain that you want to become a girl? Because once you have the operation, there is no going back for you. That's why I've held off on doing anything." ['I must make sure that my niece is ready to make the commitment.']
Then I began to weep, "[sniff, sniff] Ever since I was tin, [sniff, sniff] kerbell I knew.[sniff, sniff]" ['LORD, I am ready to be a girl.']
Then she patted my shoulder, "Then when we get back home from the gym, I shall make a few calls to some friends that can help you transition into a girl, but like me, you can never be a birth mother like Terri," she sighed. ['Like you no doubt, that is the one thing that I hate about not being born a woman.']
"I know that Auntie, but I still must become a woman physically, no matter what the cost is to me. And maybe, just maybe I CAN be a birth mother," I affirmed. ['LORD! Am I crazy for believing that it's even possible?']
Back at the Tri-County Jail, Constable Sebastian and his son, Augustus were meeting with the Honorable, Milton Ficas in the Judges Chambers.
" Milton , why have you called for us?" asked Gus as they sat down.
"Bad news, guys. Linden is a free man," he sighed. ['These two will simply hate what I have to say.']
They stood up and yelled in unison, "WHAT!!??"
"SIR! WE FINALLY HAVE THAT SCUMBAG AFTER YEARS OF HIS STAYING JUST OUT OF OUR REACH! WHAT HAPPENED!!??"
"Please sit down! I hate this as much as you two, but there's nothing that I can do," he pleaded as they loomed over him. ['I was right! Only their code of honor keeps them from attacking me.']
Constable Sebastian loomed over him as he placed his meaty hands on the desk, "WHY SHOULD I NOT QUIT AFTER THIS?!" ['If I do, I can get him, no matter what.']
"Because he made bail."
Augustus punched a wall, neatly punching through the paneling to the cinder block below, "DAMN IT DAD! WE DID IT BY THE BOOK AND HE STILL GOT OUT!!" ['This is Debbie's worst nightmare made real.']
Constable Sebastian nodded and looked at the judge, "WHO SET BAIL!!??"
Judge Milton activated a monitor, "According to the Court Order, Attorney Fred Phelps."
Constable Sebastian stood up, "How much was his betrayal?"
Judge Milton smiled, the exact amount of the property sale."['Now he and Gus will deal with his betrayal, and stay with the Force.']
"Then he will replace that bastard in my jail, and the proceeds will go to Pastor Patrick, he will know how best to use the property and funds for the Tri-County Church Council."
It was after our gym workout that something happened that I was not expecting. I had forgotten about Aunt Debbie's breast forms and a gaffe that let me look like a girl. The first time that I had a period was wild. I had just gotten up from taking a nap and was going to shower and change when I saw blood in my groin. "AUNT DEBBIE!!" ['I have to go to the hospital! The gaffe has hurt me somehow!']
She came running into my room and saw my groin and the horror etched on my face, "Fear not Kelly that is the gaffe simulating a period."[I wish that I knew more, but Grandma can help her with that.]
I smiled and slumped onto the toilet in relief, "I thought that I had sprung a leak!" I giggled. "So, this is what being a real girl is all about." [I wonder if I was a real girl if I'd get bloated since momma does.]
Auntie helped me up off the toilet, "Come Kelly, Grandma can help you better than I can. [Giggle] "Wait until you hear just what being a girl is all about when we have to take care of our bodies, then you'll know that being a girl is not all fun and games." [GOD!! I would love to go through a real cycle and give birth, but that's denied us.]
Then I heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" [Damn!! I sound like some ditzy blond on some sitcom on T.V.']
"It's your Granny, may I come in?' [No telling what Debbie's done to Kelly; she can be such an imp at times.]
I unlocked the door and turned the knob, "Sure Granny, you're welcome anytime," I responded with a laugh. ['Wonder what she'll say about my bloody groin? first time for me to soil my panty this way.']
When she entered and saw us, she quickly closed the door behind her and locked it, "This is something that Joe shouldn't be privy too since it concerns us girls. When I saw your red groin, I knew that that rascal Debbie had gotten you that special gaffe." I saw Debbie blush;" Now I can teach you all about the secret of being a girl and caring for her body." [Too think that here I am doing this for my granddaughter, but she needs me now since she can't stay home because of John. At least she gets to see her Momma on the weekends.]
"What all do I need to learn? I've already learned how to be a host and hostess thanks to Mrs. Woods."
She smiled as she sat on the toilet while Aunt Debbie produced a sanitary pad and clean undies for me, "True, she did that, but you need to learn about the manners needed for high society. There are certain unwritten rules of etiquette that you need to know that are used by high society and business. Using them, you will gain confidence and poise which is different than hosting a party." ['She already knows the manners, now to add the poise and grace that Debbie's charm school provides.']
I grinned, thinking about the future, "You think that I might need it for later when Johnny starts his own business or starts helping his Daddy?"[Wouldn't that be nice? Could I really be a High Society Lady or Patron of the Arts?]
Granny sighed, "Well, to tell the truth, I never thought of that. Mr. Woods caters mainly to the public, but he has sent me his catering staff to me and he and his wife have been here too." [And he detests having to wear a tuxedo. He's a simple man, really prefers the simple life like we do.]
I showered and dressed in fresh clothing and went with them to Aunt Debbie's store where they led me to her office. Thanks to Granny and Aunt Debbie, I learned all about keeping myself clean and how to care for my now feminine looking body. I never knew that a woman had so much to do to stay clean and pure in her bits.
Back at Tri-County High School , Johnny was meeting with some fellow players after practice. He was not particularly close to them since they did not like either Johnny or Kelly, being members of the bastard pastor's Shining Light Church .
"Well, if it isn't that fag-boy lover, Johnny," sneered Ron Apricot; Defensive Back as he lay in the lounger. His bulk easily matched Johnny's and his mahogany skin and hairless head showed an air of assumed authority. ['This freak needs to learn his place. No fag lovers allowed on the team.']
"Careful there, Ron. You know how Coach hates such attitudes." ['He has been getting more hateful ever since Kelly left, why?']
"Well, Mister Goody Two Shoes is NOT here!" announced Dave Waters; Defensive Back. His Nordic body an equal to Johnny's well-conditioned physique. ['Only his dad's money keeps him on the team. If not for all of the equipment and uniforms that he buys for the team, Johnny would be canned.']
"And where is he then?"
"That wuss is being kept busy by our revered pastor. I am sure that you've heard of him. You have certainly caused him trouble," sneered Ron. ['Seeing that fag in drag was an abomination that made Ronzi his money. Now to destroy that fag in drag.']
"DAMN IT! THAT BASTARD SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS!!"
"Simple, he made bail," chuckled Martin West: Quarterback. His Navajo heritage evident in spite of his adoptive parent’s surname. His parents were visiting a local Cherokee reservation when they died during a boating mishap. Their son had no identification, so was adopted by Martin and Tina West.
"So, what is the idea? Beat me up?' asked Johnny as he positioned himself for a fight.
"No, not at all, Johnny," sneered Conner McCray: Tight End. His Irish ancestry evident in his red hair. ['Once he does as we order, Kelly will be mush. only that fag's hold on Johnny keeps her alive.']
Johnny dropped his guard, "Then what?"
"Simple, wuss you break up with Kelly, preferably after some intimacy," chuckled Conner.
"And just why would I want to do that?"
"To protect the coach from getting fired and replaced with one of our."
"Just how long do I have?"
"Until she graduates from that charm school."
"OK." ['Dear Lord, Am I right to do it?"]
NOW I had a greater appreciation for all women and truly regretted those snide remarks to Julie when she had her off week. I vowed to ask her forgiveness when next I saw her. It was a week later that it happened. She'd come up with Momma for the weekend.
"Hiya Julie" Then I hugged her to me. I was wearing a green pastel swimdress and she was wearing a pink bikini. We were swimming in Grandpa's pond that was used to water the livestock.
Julie smiled as she saw me approach her as she sunbathed on the shore after our quick dip, "Hi Kelly, you look good." ['I can't see any of the boy in her. Not even any bulge in her groin where her boy bits are.']
I blushed, "Thanks Jules, but I need to ask you for your forgiveness." I was really fretting.
She looked puzzled, "What about?"
"Back when I was still a boy, I teased you about being a girl going through your menstrual cycle. Now I know what you go through."
Then she hugged me to her, All's forgiven my sister, now let's get ourselves a tan, girlfriend."
I found that learning how to walk with the breast forms glued on and gaffe was the hardest. I was not used to the weight upon my chest and I was missing my boy bits, but I was soon used to them.
"Aunt Debbie, I'm bone tired. May I rest for awhile?"
"Well, you have learned proper balance, grace and poise, so you can take a break this weekend. We won't continue till Monday evening."
"Thanks Auntie, but why in blazes did I have to walk around with that damned book on my head?" I must've shrunk an inch thanks to that!!" I giggled.
"One of the basics of charm school, I'm afraid. At least I didn't have you practice in heels like I did!!" she laughed back.
"You didn't!!" I tittered.
"Oh I did."
Going to charm school as well as high school was the most difficult thing that I had ever done. If it wasn't for the fact that I have a photographic memory, I'd have totally failed. But I had fun anyway. I had to learn all walking with poise and grace very much like a geisha. In fact, one of my teachers was a former geisha. The school had hired her to instill that quality of oriental grace and dignity into our training. Me, I thought that I'd be sent home as a failure in the first week.
But Kameko [the geisha] was patient with me until I got the hang of it. She told me that I'd not make it as a Court Geisha because I was a true wildflower that would die in such a stuffy atmosphere. She was right; I never have been much of one for pomp and circumstance.
When I was graduating, I was getting ready in my room when Grandpa knocked, "Who is it?"
"It's your Grandpa honey."
"Come on in then, I just have to slip on my shoes." I was wearing a pink blouse and floor length silk skirt slit to the waist in the sides.
When Grandpa saw me, he looked as if he was seeing an angel. ['Seeing that boy turned girl going to Charm School is something else. Kelly had to unlearn many of the things that she was taught as she learns the fine arts of being a Lady. But seeing the transformation from girl to woman that she is becoming will give Kelly the strength needed later on. And now that she is graduating, we have a special treat for her that I am sure that she will enjoy.'] "Kelly, you look just like your Momma did when she graduated from high school."
"Thanks Grandpa." Then I hugged him close as he stroked my long hair. Then Aunt Debbie came out of the bathroom connecting our room.
"Kelly, you have won top honors."[Now for your reward.]
"Thanks Auntie, "I giggled.” I never thought that being a Lady was so tough."
"Well, now you know, [giggle]."After all this time, I think that you deserve a big night out, want to party?"['She doesn't know it, but Johnny is here ready to surprise her.']
"To tell the truth, I am tired." [Sigh]
Then I heard his voice behind me, "But we have reservations at the country club waiting Kelly. Are you denying me a chance to dance with my girl?"['Thanks Debbie for letting me know.']
"JOHNNY!!" I screamed as I jumped into his arms. Then we shared a kiss.
"I see that you remember me, you look great!" ['She feels so wonderful too. But can I do what they ask of me?']
"Thanks Johnny, you're as excited as I am, aren't you?" ['I can tell by the hardness in his pants.']
"Come on you two, I am hungry, "Mister Woods chuckled. ['Those two are still hot for each other. But they're adults. I wonder what my son has planned?']
I looked around, "Where's Momma? Did she have yet another dinner to host?" ['She still does it, even though I am gone.']
I heard her voice behind me, "Right here Kelly," then I was engulfed in her bear hug, “I wouldn't miss this for the world! It's hard me not being here, but I know that you’re in good hands. How could I miss this special time for my daughter" ['Stu, she is so like me at her age.']
After the graduation ceremony, we got into the stretch limos and headed to the club, I was alone with Johnny, “Kelly, you look like a woman now, so beautiful. My Dream Girl, he sighed. [She is more beautiful than before. Does she still love me?]
"Thanks Johnny, Aunt Debbie got me breast forms & a gaffe so that I now look like a woman."[Will he go for it like I hope?]
"You mean that you are still a guy under all of that?"[Is Kelly pulling my leg again?]
"Yep, I am still me, I giggled. "Come on Johnny, I am here for you. As much of a woman as I can be." ['Maybe tonight, or soon, we will make love.']
"Just how good are they?"[Damn, I want her so bad.]
"As good as a real woman's. Go for it my lover." Then I undid my skirt and pulled down my panty and hose. He lay back as I mounted him. I felt him climax in my gaffe as we sated our passion. After he had climaxed, I used a napkin to clean up. Then we got dressed and went into the club.
"Kelly, are you coming back home to school? Everybody wants to know," smirked Julie. ['I know that they did it from the sheer bliss on their faces.']
"No Julie, everybody knows me at school, I can't go back to being a boy again. I am going to school up here with my Aunt. I hated having to tell you that my sister, but I still need to be here. But I'll be there for you when you need me." ['Lord, next time, not so graphic, please. I doubt that we could take that ordeal again.']
Johnny smiled at me, "So, you are giving up being a boy?" ['I can see no hint of boy about Kelly.']
"Yes Johnny, I was always a girl at heart. You helped me to find the girl that I am. For that I will always be grateful," he blushed, ['Maybe that's why I do it with him.']
Mister Woods hugged me, "Well, at our house, you were always happy as a girl. You're always welcome at our house." ['I have missed her.']
"Thanks Mrs. Woods. Nice to know I have a home with you."['This'll make three homes for me, yet I'd give them all up to feel complete.']
Johnny looked at me with pleading eyes, "I wish that you would come back home."['Can't she live with us or her Momma? If she was home, those goons would not force me to dump her because she has friends at Ronzi's.']
"Johnny, if I did, I would have to be a boy, I can't be a boy again," I wept. ['Can't he understand that I'm protecting him and his family as well as myself?']
He knelt before me, "Then will you be my girl? My Dream Girl?" ['Please say yes.']
"Yes I will. I will always be your girl." ['Forever and always.']
"Come, Kelly. We need to talk." ['Now to give her my news.']
"Coming Momma."
We went aside and spent the next hour sharing everything. I could tell that Momma was happy for me.
[Ever since, she has been here, the house has been empty. The only time that I've truly been happy has been on my weekend visits here to be with Kelly.] "Kelly, I have moved in with the Woods."
I held her by the shoulders, "Why, Momma?"
She smiled at me, "It's lonely without you there and with the Woods, I'm no longer lonely," she sighed.
I went over my times back home with Momma, "But what about our home and the playhouse?"
She kissed me, "Don't you worry none. Our home is being renovated completely and will be yours one day when you're ready as well as the playhouse."
"Ready? For what?'
"For being Johnny's wife. We know that you two love each other. This is our wedding gift to both of you."
"Thanks, Momma." then I hugged her as I wept tears of joy.
Momma was now the Building Manager for the Clinic where she worked and oversaw the other secretaries as well as catering the many dinners for the doctors.
After that night, the Woods and Momma left and Aunt Debbie and I went home with Grandma and Grandpa. I was soon enrolled and attending school there for my senior year. Aunt Debbie was able to get me started upon hormones and my body was soon developing as a woman. After two months, I no longer needed the breast forms. I was as large without them. I soon became a Cheerleader and was cheering our team at the games. When we played against Johnny's team, Julie and I always spent half time talking.
"How's Johnny doing?"
"He misses you."[If she knew what Johnny has gone through, because of her, she'd cry.]
"I miss him too. Where is he? I have something to tell him."
Then Johnny came over and hugged me close,” Kelly, you look terrific!!"[I don't care what the others say; you are all the woman that I need.]
"Thanks Johnny," I said as I kissed him. "Damn, we still excite each other," I giggled.
"Want to go out after the game?"['She excites me still.']
"Sure."['Wait till I tell him the news.']
That night, after the game, we drove up to a secluded are near the lake and country club. It was serene and peaceful. There was a tiny log cabin there with smoke rising out of the chimney. "Kelly, do you like the place? It's your dad's old cabin."['It's now or never.']
"Yes Johnny, It is lovely."['Yes, Johnny. I know why we are here, and I am ready for you.']
"This is my place now. Daddy bought it last year from your mother, and it’s my graduation present. I wanted for you to see it with me."['Am I doing the right thing considering what the others have said to me?']
"But why?"['I can tell that something is bothering him, what is it?']
"I still love you Kelly, even if we don't marry, you will still be my best friend."['There, I came as close as I could without hurting her.']
"Thanks Johnny, but there is something that you should know."['I can tell that he is worried about something, maybe I can help him out.']
"What's that?"['DAMN! She is beautiful!!']
"These are my breasts, they are real."
He looked at my chest with wonder, "They Are?"
"Want to take them for a test drive? I know you do as much as I do." [I don't know why, but I'm the one that initiates our love sessions.]
Then he gently took my hand and we went into the cabin where we sated our passion for each other until the next morning. Then he dropped a bombshell that totally blew me away.
"Kelly, I have a confession to make."['OH GOD!! I tried, but I can't take it anymore. I know that it will break her heart, but it's better this way.']
"What is it?"['Does he have some disease?']
"As much as I love you, I am torn up inside because I still see you as a boy."['DAMN IT ALL!! I still can't tell her the truth. I am such a coward!!!']
"Even, [sniff] after [sniff], last night?" [Sniff, sniff] ['Johnny you are breaking my heart!!!']
"Kelly, I never meant to hurt you, I love you. This is my problem not yours."['Mine and the others that don't understand.']
He held me has I wept bitter tears. I was in love with him and wanted to be with him, but he still saw me has a boy. WHY? WHY? WHY? "Then why bring me up here and why make love to me? Tell me that at least. I deserve an answer."
"I thought that doing this would change my mind."['But it did not. GOD, Can she ever forgive me?']
"Please take me home."
We did not speak on the way, not even listening to the radio or C.D. player. I felt betrayed and dirty from what happened. Johnny had used me to satisfy his urges and threw me aside! I wanted to die because I couldn't live with the pain and humiliation of being treated like a whore by my best friend.
As we approached the farm, I formalized my plan to die luckily, nobody was home. I would have plenty of time to end my sorry life. Johnny pulled up to the front door, and I got out and pulled my bag with me and slammed and locked the door.
Johnny got out, "Kelly, I still love you. I wish that things could be different," he sighed. ['What Hell have I wrought??']
I opened the front screen door, and shut it behind me, "Goodbye Johnny. Please don't return," I wept bitterly as I turned my back on him and life. ['Daddy! I am coming to join you in Heaven. My life is over.']
I went through the house saying goodbye to everything and collecting the narcotics from the bathroom. Both of my grandparents use to suffer from severe spinal pain until Aunt Debbie took them to see a chiropractor who worked hr magic and ended their pain. Now, Doctor Ruth Elizabeth White eats Sunday dinner here with her family and my grandparents enjoy every minute of having children under foot.
I finally got to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of Grandpa's home brew. On the 'Dukes of Hazzard', Uncle Jesse may make the finest moonshine in Georgia ; But Grandpa's is smooth and has the kick of a mule that unless it is cut, will send any but the hardiest into the Land Of Nod which is where I wanted to go to PERMANENTLY.
I dropped the pain pills into it, watching them begin to dissolve, and then I wrote my goodbye note because I wanted for everybody to know why I despaired of life.
To My Family and Friends:
If you are reading this, then I have succeeded in ending my life. I did so because I have no hope. I love you all, but my heart is broken and to live is a pain that I cannot endure. Johnny and I went to my daddy's log cabin that he and Mister Woods had bought from momma. Johnny had it renovated and I must admit that it is a darling cabin, but that is where my heart was broken.
Johnny and I made love in every conceivable fashion over that weekend. I thought that he was going to propose to me, but he dumped me! I know that he is hurting but I can not live after being used by Johnny to sate his lusts. I will NOT be his whore!
So I am ending my life and going to heaven where there is no pain.
Kelly Lee Moore
Then I downed my ticket to Heaven, rinsed out the glass and carried the note to the living room where I set the channel on Contemporary Christian and sat down. I was well on the way when I heard Aunt Debbie's car pull up. I felt that it was fitting for her to find me, I couldn't move, but I knew that I could speak one final time.
As she entered, she smiled as she saw me, "Hi'ya Kelly, what's new with you?"
"My heart is broken, I have no hope. Good bye Aunt Debbie."
Then she saw the moonshine, empty pill bottles and saw what I had done as well as the note,
"NO KELLY!! NOOOOOOO!!!"
Then I heard no more.
To Be Continued...
