The exercise in creating a back story for 'Samantha' was a real stretch for her creative abilities. Most things she grew up with could be tweaked to a girl's perspective, but some things just couldn't. Writing birthday parties she wore a dress to instead of pants and t-shirt she had been in was an interesting exercise in fantasy. The journal of Samantha's life became something of an obsession. She found herself thinking about scenes from her life as a girl, skinned knees, climbing through drainage pipes as though they were a super-secret tunnel with friends, and all the other normal activities of a child. The thoughts constantly revolved in her mind, no matter where she was or what she was doing. She kept finding her mind drifting to real memories and more and more found it easy to see the same scene as a girl. She even invented tea parties and dance classes that she never attended. Samantha's Story part 8 By Maid Joy

It was with surprise that she found her first journal filled with thoughts and memories. She started a second, and when that filled, a third. Once she got into the teen years, the journal entries slowed since they were longer. By that time Samantha had no problem writing as a girl, and staying in that mindset all the time.

She had come to the belief that she was born a girl, and that the male bits between her legs were just a birth defect, nothing more than that. The exercise had a profound effect on her psyche too, allowing her to remember a life that never existed. After a while, she forgot about Sam and only thought of herself as Samantha.

She spent time seriously thinking about going to the dance with Ben. She finally decided to do it.

She sent him a short note accepting his invitation and told him that she would be wearing sapphire blue. She wanted him to match her dress, and if he got her a corsage, the flower maker would have to know that.

She couldn't wait to go out in her new dress. She had spent hours researching what she should wear, from the skin out. Once assembled after many careful shopping trips and yard sale hunts; she double-checked that everything making sure the lingerie, the little clutch purse and the jewelry was exactly what she wanted to wear and fit perfectly. There would be no awkward and uncomfortable clothing for her!

Finally the day of the party came. She had an appointment with a salon and was very prompt in keeping it. She brought pictures of the dress she would wear, having read that the stylist and manicurist should have the colors of the dress to match the wares they had.

Soon Samantha was enveloped in people getting her ready. Her hair was frosted with silver and little bundles of Forget-me-nots were braided into it very carefully. Her nails were painted a beautiful shade of blue, and then washed in some sort of topcoat that made them shimmer like a starry night.

She was surprised to see that the same thing had been done to her toes.

The waxing wasn't pleasant, but it was over quickly and she was none the worse for wear. She thanked the ladies of the salon profusely and promised to come back in a couple days to do some more odd jobs to help pay for the extravagance of their attention. Then she hurried home to change.

It took her a few more hours to finish getting ready, but in the end she looked as beautiful as she hoped she would. A couple quick snapshots of herself to show to Tina and she was out the door.

Ben was as good as his word. He said that he would pick her up at 5 PM in front of the torch tower on the campus, and he was there on time. He seemed to forget to breathe when he saw her.

He offered his arm like a gentleman and escorted her to his car to take her to the Kappa Lambda Nu fraternity house. He explained that all the pledges had been invited to a "get to know you" ball and since the fraternity and the affiliated sorority of Alpha Delta Rho were not into the whole sports/homecoming thing, they had scheduled their event for the same time as Homecoming. This was apparently a test to see if the pledge's loyalties were to the House or to the football team.

They arrived and he led her into the Fraternity House on his arm. Samantha felt like a princess as she mounted the stairs, delicately holding her hem up so she didn't trip. The stopped at the coat check and then Ben guided her to a very large room where a lot of the socializing seemed to be taking place. He excused himself and went and to get them both drinks.

Servers had been hired for the evening, and one came to offer her a selection of hors d'oeuvres. It was all very flattering and certainly a novelty in her experience.

Although her parents had hosted parties like this, normally the children would be banished to another place in the house to play until bedtime. Sometimes her sisters and she would pretend that they were having the party. But this was the first time she had actually been to a real one.

She did, however, know the etiquette. First drinks and finger-foods would be served along with some light conversation and milling around. Then came the call to dinner and she would be eating with Ben. After dinner dancing and music, as well as more mingling and socializing would occur. Finally she would be escorted home by her date and that would be it.

Since she had never been in the girl's role it was an enchanting and new experience. She hoped that she remembered how to do everything, particularly dancing backwards.

As Ben arrived with their drinks some of his friends and their dates drifted over. They engaged Samantha in small talk and tried to find out more about her. What did she do, was she a student, did she have any plans for which sorority she would pledge to and more. She talked about her work in the library and explained she was too busy studying to really devote time to a sorority at the moment.

She did wonder for a minute just how badly the sorority, both local and national chapters, would freak if they found out what genetic sex she was.

Finally the call to dinner came. Ben offered his arm and escorted her most properly to the table they had been assigned. She nearly blew it all by taking her seat as any male would. At the last second she remembered that Ben was supposed to hold her chair for her. When he did, she sat gracefully down and helped him adjust it to her liking. She then took her napkin and placed it in her lap, the proceeded to remove her long gloves so that she could eat.

She waited quietly as everyone else was seated and the salad course was served. She was surprised to discover she was hungry, given the state of her nerves.

Samantha decided to follow through on an intention she had formed earlier in the week. She was unsure about the exact etiquette required, but the way she planed it seemed logical.

Once salad had been placed before her, she stilled her mind. As the last dish was set on the table of eight guests, she lowered her head and closed her eyes. She thanked him for the gift of this evening with Ben. She spent a few moments thanking God for His abundance on this day and confirmed that she would always thank Him for His gifts to her.

She finished and raised her head and saw most of the table had waited to start eating, until she finished. While one boy across the table from her had started eating, Samantha refused to ignore him as he had ignored her. She saw him wince slightly apparently his date had stepped on his toes for being rude. She couldn’t help a small smile as she realized what had just happened.

As she picked up the butter knife and started preparing her roll, everyone else started to eat as well.

The conversation over dinner included more of the same question she had been asked at the reception. She answered them and made innocuous appropriate comments, not wanting to get in a controversial debate with anyone. During the desert course someone finally asked her about why she said a prayer before the meal.

Samantha didn't feel qualified to answer as a pastor might, so she simply stated "Doesn't it make sense to be grateful to whomever you worship for the miracles They produced? It’s let us share the bounty of the Earth tonight."

One table-mate objected, "But the food comes from the farmer’s fields, the ranchers who raised the cattle for the steaks, and so on. What's miraculous about that?"

Samantha looked at him. She could feel the incredulity wafting off her like a fine perfume. "What's miraculous about that? What isn't? Here you have a seed, just a tiny kernel yet it contains all the information that tells it to grow into a corn plant and not something else, which produces more of its reproductive organs for you to eat. Plant a seed, any seed, and soon you’ll have a new plant growing. How does it happen? What processes occur in the seed to make it do that? I don't know, you don't know, most scientists can't explain it either. We can't take the raw genetic material and assemble them into a seed, nor will it create a growing plant. Same for the cattle, the chickens, the fish, the birds and other animals we eat. The sperm of the male and the egg of the female join together, and something happens, some magic, and suddenly what were two little cells invisible to the naked eye become a whole bunch of cells, dividing and growing, and eventually becoming a full animal for you to eat.

"What's NOT miraculous about that? Could you do it?" she challenged. "No, you couldn't, because you don't know that magic, miracle component that makes it happen.

"What about the life that was taken to put that food on the table? The animal's life was cut off to become food for you. Who knows if it might have been the Einstein of the Bovine world, or the Archimedes of the Fishes, or the Pythagoras of the Birds? I certainly don't. So it seems only courteous to me to thank the spirit of the animal you eat, and even the spirit of the plant you are eating and thank it for its sacrifice to make you live.

"Yes, I sat here and prayed all that. I thanked God for allowing me to live another day, for showing me that I am a reasonable and healthy person, for giving me a brain to think with, and for giving me the food to sustain my life. I thanked the animals and plants for their sacrifice, and I did it in public. I think that is only fair and right, to remember all that before 'digging in'. And I don’t think it should matter where I am when I do so."

She had been leaning forward emphatically while she spoke and finishing she leaned back. She felt a bit drained and she smiled at the people at the table.

They all looked at her with a mixture of astonishment and some embarrassment, possibly because they hadn’t thought about the points she raised before.

The dancing later was glorious. Ben was a better dancer than he thought he was, and she felt like she was flying as he swept her around the Ritual Room.

She had an opportunity to actually use the dance lessons that she had taken as a child, although it took her some time to make the mental leap from "leading" to "following". She worked hard to make sure she was dancing correctly when Ben tried to push her in the wrong direction, and they both managed to not step on each other's toes.

The night passed quickly, and before they knew it, the clock said it was 1:20 in the morning. Most of the others had given up long ago, but she and Ben kept going. Though she didn't want this magic night to end eventually it did.

He escorted her back to his car, and they left. He took her home and dropped her off in front of her apartment building, helping her out of the car and into the building lobby itself. They said their goodnight pleasantries. And now she was faced with the Goodnight Kiss. Would she let him kiss her, or would it just be a friend-hug? She wasn't going to invite him upstairs for a 'nightcap' no matter how hard he dropped those hints. But when Ben started leaning in, she did allow a short peck on the cheek from him to her, and from her to him.

She told him what a wonderful time she had with him and firmly told him goodnight.

She floated to her room, her head swimming from the alcohol in the punch of the reception and the wine with dinner. It took her a second to find her keys in the clutch, and opened the door.

Strange, I don't remember leaving the lights on. She dropped her wrap over a chair in the entry and laid her purse on the coffee table. She vowed to work diligently on her papers tomorrow and Sunday evening to make up for tonight.

She turned in the direction of her bedroom, and froze with shock.

There in the doorway of her room was a man, behind him sitting on her bed was a woman.

"Dad," she gasped in shock "Mom, what are you doing here?"