Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 931 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

After a very poor night, I got up the same time as Simon. For all my uncertainties about his love for me, I did love him.

“Why don’t you go back to bed?” he said as I crawled out of the bathroom.

“I’m alright,” I lied, “I want to spend some time with my husband before he goes to work.”

“That’s very nice of you,” he said and kissed me on the top of my head.

Was I demeaning myself? Was he treating me like he did the kids? I felt so scared of losing him–now I’d committed, I’d given myself fully to that commitment and the thought of someone else coming between us frightened me–I couldn’t compete with another woman: she’d have biology on her side.

I made him some coffee and toast while he ate his cereal and some fruit. “I could do you a boiled egg if you’d like?”

“No this is fine–I’ve got a meeting at nine, someone from HM Treasury.”

“That sounds interesting, darling.”

“Nah, it’ll be some dry-as-dust civil servant who wants free advice about something.”

I worried a bit more, the last time I’d seen a spokesperson for the Treasury, it was a twenty something dolly bird with an Oxbridge degree. Was Simon two timing me? What would I do if he was?

I sipped my tea, trying to drown my paranoia. “You’re not seeing somebody else, are you?”

“Probably, I think I’ve got appointments all day, why?”

“I meant...”

“Meant what?” he paused as he wiped marmalade all over his toast with his knife blade. He cut the slice in half and was about to put a piece of this into his mouth when his brain obviously decoded what I’d said. He looked alarmed and put the toast down. “What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t slept all night worrying about what you said.”

“What the hell did I say that would make you suspect I was screwing around?”

“You said you didn’t deserve me.”

“I explained that–you’re far too good for me–you’re virtually saint-like and I’m a veritable sinner.” He rose from the table and hugged me–“There isn’t anyone else, you’re all I want and need.”

The trouble with suspicion is that it rots the brain and introduces all sorts of absurd ideas which normally wouldn’t even get to the conscious stage–but now they were and I was very unsure about anything he said.

“I’m sorry,” I said and cried on his shoulder–I felt so emotional, was I having some sort of breakdown?

“Hey, don’t cry–I’m all yours and nobody else’s, okay?”

“I love you so much,” I sobbed.

“Hey, I feel the same about you, you know that–don’t you?”

“I s’pose so,” I held on to him very tightly.

“C’mon, take your tea up to bed and have another hour’s sleep–Julie could get the kids ready and give you a break.”

“I have to take them to school–Julie can’t drive yet–remember?”

“Okay, okay–Tom could.”

“Tom always has a meeting on a Monday morning.”

“Well get Stella up then, that lazy bitch should do more to help you or I’ll get Tom to kick her out.”

“You’ll do no such thing–she’s okay, remember she’s still quite fragile–plus I need her to help me plan the blessing.”

He gave me a strange look–“Is that a good idea if you’re questioning my fidelity to you?”

“Why shouldn’t it be? You’ve assured me there is no one else, so why shouldn’t we give the estate workers and the children something to celebrate?”

“Okay–don’t jump down my throat–I just wanted you to be sure it was what you wanted.” He kissed me on the cheek and added, “I have to go, ’bye.” With that, he donned his coat picked up his briefcase and gloves and left.

I sat back down at the kitchen table and felt execrable.

I was sitting half asleep half sobbing when Tom found me. “Whit’s thae matter?”

“Nothing,” I sobbed.

“If ye’re greetin’ then there has tae be a reason, lassie. Noo tell yer daddy,” he sat next to me and put his arm round me.

“I think Simon has someone else,” I said in between sobs.

“Are ye sure, because it’s quite an accusation tae mak’?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Daddy–he’s denied it, but I don’t think I believe him.”

“Och, it’s probably nothin’ at all–jes’ a misunderstandin’.”

“I don’t think so, Daddy.”

“Well if that’s thae case, he’s no longer welcome in this hoose–but it’ll need more evidence than ye’re givin’ me.”

“How can I give you evidence? I only have suspicions and those are more sensed than actual–he’s different and I can’t explain it any other way.”

“Are ye sure ye no havin’ a period?”

“Don’t be silly, Daddy, how can I have something like that–I don’t have the wherewithal necessary to start with–do I?”

“Aye, but all the pills ye’ve swallowed, they can dae strange things tae ye. Now, awa’ tae yer bed, I’ll get Julie tae help me get thae girls tae school.”

I did as I was told and went back to bed where I simply crashed out. I slept until–the clock suggested it was quarter past one and the sun was streaming in through the crack in the curtains.

My head felt rather strange and it took me a couple of minutes to work out what was happening. Then I remembered my misery and wanted to curl up and die. Of course I didn’t–you never do when you want to do you?

I lay there thinking to myself–are you a woman or a dormouse? Given the choice, I’d have opted for the latter, anyone who sleeps half their life away, seemed a superior life form to my bag of misery.

I slept again and was awoken by the thunder of hooves as three girls came sweeping into my room followed by two boys and Julie. They all stood around the bed like I was one step away from wearing a shroud.

“Are you feeling any better, Mummy?” asked Trish and they all nodded in agreement with her question.

“I think so, thanks for your concern.”

“We brought you some flowers, Mummy.” Trish stepped aside and Julie produced a huge bouquet.

“Where did you get those from?” I gasped.

“Auntie Stella helped us get them,” Livvie offered.

“You mean she paid for them?”

“Sorta–yeah,” Trish admitted and once more they all nodded in unison–it was like being surrounded by synchronised mime artists. “Are you getting up, Mummy?”

“Looks like I’d better had–someone will need to cook your tea.”

“Auntie Stella’s ordered a curry to be delivered.”

“Oh has she–?“ Goodness, whatever next? Seems like my sister-in-law can get her act together when she wants to. “Where is she?”

“Downstairs talking to Gramps.”

“What’s he doing home?”

“He stayed home today, to keep an eye on you?” said Julie.

“Why?”

“He was worried about you,” she added.

“We was wowwied about you too, Mummy,” Mima said in her characteristic wisp.

“Thank you, darling, thank you all for caring–but I feel much better now.”

“Oh good,” said Mima, “Can I go out and pway now?”