A Change of Style -- Part 3

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A CHANGE OF STYLE PART 3

by NINA ADAMS

In the 3rd of four parts, Alex goes to the High School costume dance with Roxanne. Roxanne convinces him to go as a cheerleader and Alex’s evening does not go as he planned.

The journey takes him places few boys have the opportunity to experience. His gradual acceptance of his changes helps enrich his life, but forces him to make some complex choices.

The Halloween Costume Party

Roxanne’s mother picked me up at home at 6 PM and dropped us off at Lulu’s. Before I left my mother pulled me aside and told me to have fun and just relax. She said she had spoken with Lulu and coordinated getting me ready. I didn’t know what needed coordinating, but nodded affirmatively. Her last pronouncement was to listen to Lulu and do whatever she told me. If you listen to her you will have a much better experience at the party.

I arrived at the salon and she unlocked the door and ushered us in. She smiled at me and said, “we have a lot to do, but first you need to get dressed.”

“I have my bag with the costume.”

“That’s good, but we have a couple of extra things for you.”

“What things?”

“Your mom picked up a brassiere for you and she got you some authentic shoes like the real cheerleaders wear. Those running shoes would not look right.”

“What do I need a bra for? I don’t have breasts!”

“Tonight you do.”

She took out two bouncy breast forms and handed them to me. They had a lot of weight to them and looked so real.

“I do a lot of makeovers for young models so I always need to have some of these around. They will look great in your new bra from Victoria Secrets.”

I remembered what my mom said about listening and took them. She also gave me the butt and hip pads my mother had bought on our shopping spree. I took everything and went into the back and changed, when I emerged, Roxanne looked at me and smiled. She came over and gave me a kiss on the lips, which made me feel much better. It was the first time I had experienced having breasts, and it took me a while to adjust to the sensation. With the breasts and my padding down below, my body took on some real curves.

“Now sit down while I do your nails. We can let them dry while I fix your face.”

“Face?”

“Just some makeup to go with the occasion.”

She did a very quick manicure on my nails. She rounded off the tips and then spread polish on them. First, went a deep maroon base, followed by white tips.

“What about the gold which is the other school color?”

“They are much prettier this way. The gold will look garish.”

She went to work on my face. It was much like my mother’s handiwork, but she went a little heavier on the eye shadow.

“I was going to give you false eyelashes, but your eyes don’t need them. A couple of coats of mascara and you will have eyes to die for.”

“I thought this whole thing was supposed to give me a vamp look.”

“Trust me you will be happier this way, when we are done.”

She removed my studs and Roxanne handed her the silver hoops we bought the afternoon I got my ears pierced.

“Those look wonderful. I think we are ready for the wig.”

“It’s in a bag in my case.” I yelled to Roxanne who was just watching in fascination.

Lulu went into her office and returned with a long wig with layers of wavy brunette hair. She put all of my natural hair in a wig cap and slipped the replacement wig on my head. She adjusted it a little and gave it a couple of brushes.

“Now you look ready to dance.”

I got up and walked over to her mirrors. And nearly flipped when I saw myself. I looked every bit the cheerleader and every bit the woman. I started to get totally aroused by my own image. Lulu and Roxanne could tell I was in an emotional overload. Roxanne giggled and said “Good thing I made you wear your thong tonight. I hope you tucked your thing underneath before you put it on.”

I was near tears. I never planned to go to the party of looking and feeling like this. I was way too authentic. This did not look like a costume. Roxanne’s outfit was funny and appropriate, and I just look like I got back from cheerleading practice.
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“I can’t go like this Roxanne.”

“Of course you can. You look great. We need to get going. Put your brush and wallet in your purse.”

“People will laugh!”

“Highly unlikely, you will get a lot of attention, but not laughter.”

“I’ll never be able to face them looking this real.”

“Look at yourself. No one will recognize you. Think about it.”

She was right. The wig, while not vampy, made me look so much different than my normal self. I was quickly ushered out the door in two minutes later we were at the dance.

“Have a good time girls.”

As we entered we had to give them tickets and show some school IDs.

One of Roxy’s friends, Jana, signed us in. After we entered, I said, “Now what? I know people are going to figure out it’s me.”

“I suggest you go with it. No one can tell it’s you or can tell you are anything but a beautiful babe. Just pretend you really are a girl and no one will be the wiser. If you act like a girl the evening will go much smoother and I’m sure you will have more fun. Remember how much you love the theater, just get in the role.”

She was right. I had practiced during the week, so playing the part was my best shot.

I hung with Roxanne for a while, before two guys shuttled us both out to the dance floor. I was ready to freak out, but I just went with the music and tried not to focus on my new male dance partner. Roxanne kept grinning at me while we were dancing. I think she was actually enjoying my un-easiness. We ended up being on the dance floor for over 15 minutes, before we got a break. It was pretty wild out there and everyone was dancing with everyone. I even found myself dancing with Roxanne for a brief time. I was grateful there was almost no way to talk out there.

We slipped off the dance floor and got some punch.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“I guess not, but it doesn’t seem right.”

“Give me a break, you look like a natural out there. You’ve slipped right into the role.”

“Here come some more cute guys. I think it’s time to dance again.”

It was hard to make any small talk with the loud music. One of the guys, I vaguely knew from a class last year, asked me to dance. He also asked for my name. I was panicked and did not know how to answer. Fortunately, Roxanne cut in and said, “It is a costume party, so it is a secret.” I shook my head in agreement.

We shuffled off to the dance floor for a couple of songs. My partner tried to put his arm around me when we headed out to the dance floor, but I slid away to avoid it.

I was getting confident that my costume was convincing. I could feel people looking at me, but not because I was a guy in a skirt. Guys were looking at me like I was a trophy and some of the girls were looking at me trying to figure out who I was. I figured if I stayed in my role, I could survive the evening and even have a couple of laughs along the way.

I retreated back to the punch bowl area only to find Roxanne out on the dance floor with Josh. I knew she still wanted to be with him and that coming tonight was partially to see him. My only real concern was that she was my safe zone and now I was alone.

My time alone did not last long. I felt a tapping on my shoulder and turned around. A wave of panic shot down my spine. In front of me was my chemistry lab partner, Paul Towner. Paul was not part of my inner circle, but he was someone I knew pretty well from class. He was not a star, but he played on the school’s basketball team. We worked as a team in class, so I was scared he might be able to see through my makeup and costume. I. He was actually a nice jock and I had enjoyed having him as a lab partner. Now I was destined to have him as a dance partner.

Paul introduced himself and of course asked for my name. I told him for the evening it was a secret. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I know you, but I just can’t remember your name. You do look lovely tonight. If you are not a real cheerleader you absolutely should be.”

His complements made me blush a little. I instinctively smiled at him and he smiled back. He held his two hands out and said, “Shall we dance?”

I grabbed his hands and he pulled me gently out to the dance floor. It was the first time I had held a guy’s hand for more than a second and his grip felt good. We danced to one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs, which helped me relax. Dancing with Paul somehow seemed different than dancing with the others earlier.

After two popular dance songs the music turned slower. This was the first song of the night where the couples danced holding each other. I was ready to leave the dance floor when Paul said he would really love to share this dance with me. I had enjoyed the last couple of songs with him, which I am sure he could tell.

“I’m not really a good slow dancer.”

“Me either, but I think we can figure it out.”

He held his arms out to me and I entered a weak embrace. At first, I tried to keep a couple of inches between us, but when he put his arm around me I was softly and slowly drawn in. I put my left arm around him and held tight with my right hand. He was about 4 inches taller than me, so my head was close to his shoulder line.

Holding him in an embrace made me feel so much different than before. I had become comfortable in my appearance, but now I found myself responding very much like a girl. It started to feel very nice and I was not sure what to think of it. About halfway through the song I could feel Paul was getting sexually turned on. A few seconds later, I started to feel the same way. I was so grateful that I had tucked myself under and had worn the thong. We looked at each other as only a boy and a girl would. He pulled me in a little closer.

When the song ended, I told him I needed a drink. We made our way over to the refreshment area. Almost unconsciously, I found that I was still holding one of his hands. I let go to fill up a punch class. He gently put his hands on the outside part of my shoulders and thanked me for the dances. I told him politely, “that it was my pleasure.” If he was not such a nice guy, I think he might have tried to kiss me right then and there. I was happy and maybe just a little sad, that he had not.

“You just have to tell me your name. I really like you and I think you like me.”

“It was very nice dancing with you, but don’t let it go to your head.”

“Please?”

“For now it is a secret, but you never know.”

I saw Roxanne a few feet away, she was scoping out Paul and me. I told Paul I wanted to speak with a friend and would be back in a few minutes. I motioned for Roxanne to go into the hall and she followed me out.

“I see you are back with Josh.”

“Never mind that, it looks like you have found someone.”

“We just danced.”

“That was more than just dancing. You like him. I can tell he likes you too.”

“This is only a party costume. It was only dancing.”

“Keep telling yourself that and maybe you will believe it. Tonight you are not Alex, it is Lexi’s evening.”

“But I am a boy and so is he!”

“It’s all very innocent and besides he is very attractive.”

“That’s irrelevant, he thinks I am a girl.”

“Right at this moment you are. It’s not like you are going to run out and screw around with him in his car, not tonight anyway.”

“Roxy, what do I do?”

“Just enjoy the experience and go from there. I have to get back to Josh before that bimbo tries to get him back. Good luck.”

I was alone again with a head full of mixed feelings and emotions. I decided that for tonight I was Lexi. I figured, no one would be the wiser and tomorrow I can go back to being Alex. I worked my way back into the gym and spotted Paul. He was chatting with a couple of girls; one of them was Roxanne’s friend, Melissa. When he saw me approaching he said a couple of quick words to the girls and walked over to cut the distance between us. I cocked my head slightly to the side and he looked like he was truly excited by my return.

“I’m ready to dance some more, Paul. Are you up for it.”

“Very funny, you are mine the rest of the evening.”

We danced a few more songs, and shared a few laughs. I was having an emotional experience that I never thought possible. I was reveling in our spirited flirtations and was being charmed by his attention. I started the evening trying to act the part and now the part was becoming me. Dressed and feeling as I did, I wanted him to hold me and maybe a little bit more. I knew I had to resist that urge, because if nothing else it would not be fair to Paul.

The party was nearing its 10 PM conclusion and I was starting to map out my exit plan. My evening with Paul had to be a one-night affair, even if I wanted it to continue. I was in costume and there was no way around that. Paul made one last attempt to get my name.

“Paul, I had a lot of fun tonight and I do not want to ruin it. I promised some friends my costume tonight would be a secret. Why don’t you give me your number and if the time is right, I will call you. You have to trust me.”

“I trust you, but I want to know more about you. My number is 555—555—3825. Promise to call.”

I did not immediately answer and he looked at me again and said, “promise!”

“Okay, I’ll call, but when I’m ready.”

Paul was going to kiss me, but much like Roxanne did with me, I turn my head. I so wanted to feel what the kiss would have felt like, but under the circumstances it would have been even more deceiving. He looked confused by my action, which was understandable.

I was looking around the room for Roxanne, so we could leave. I had told my mother to pick us up at 10 PM unless I called earlier. Just as I found Roxanne the class president started talking on the main microphone on the stage. He thanked everyone for coming and then thanked all of the sponsors, teachers and students involved in the dance. He then announced some prizewinners. They gave out a prize to the best dancing couple, the scariest costume, most creative, and then the best overall costume.

“The best overall costume goes to Alex Adams!”

I stood frozen in my steps. I figured if I didn’t move, no one would look at me.

“Come on up Alex.”

Our class president started to look over towards me and pointed in my direction. After a few seconds everyone was looking at me and applauding. I received a bunch of whistles and catcalls. I wanted to run from the gym as fast as I could. Instead I was ushered up onto the stage to get a ribbon. I played along with an exaggerated curtsy and a mock cheerleader cheer. I then jumped off the stage to exit.

On the way to the door I saw Paul leaning up against the wall standing quietly alone. Our eyes met, but he made no attempt to speak with me. I mouthed, “I’m sorry,” and walked out to the hall. Everyone was looking at me and commenting as I walked by. I just kept walking and met Roxanne out in front of the school. My mom’s car was there and I quickly hopped inside.

My mom looked at me and wanted to say something, but she could see I was upset and in a state of shock. I could not even speak. I think I wanted to cry, but I was too stunned to do so. Roxanne began to fill my mother in on some of the more relevant details. My mother was concerned about my mental state, but also quite intrigued by my elaborate makeover. “So in the end everyone knew it was you, but I bet up until then no one guessed. Lulu did such a wonderful job getting you ready. You look gorgeous.”

“Mom that was part of the problem. I was too authentic. I blended in and everyone treated me like a girl. I even responded like one.”

“Mrs. Adams, there was even one boy that Lexi spent a lot of time with. It didn’t end well after he found out her secret.”

“Lexi, you made a friend?”

“He was just being friendly and I ruined everything. He is my lab partner in chemistry. I will never be able to go to school again!”

“Honey you are over reacting. You won the best costume. That is an honor.”

“I’ll never be able to show my face again to my friends and classmates.”

“Roxanne we are almost at your house. Did you have a good time?”

“Yes Mrs. Adams, and I think Lexi did too, until her secret got out.”

“Thank you for helping Lexi and taking her to the dance. I am sure she will feel much better about it later.”

“Goodnight Mrs. Adams.”

“Goodnight Roxanne.”

“Mother, when Roxanne was in the car you both just kept referring to me as her or Lexi. The party is over.”

“You’re right Honey, but seeing you like you are right now it is hard to think of you as an Alex. Forgive me, you are just so pretty.”

“I’m never going to live this down. Paul is going to hate me.”

“This Paul, is he the boy you met?”

“Yes, I already knew him a little as Alex, but we danced together at the party. He just treated me nice and I deceived him.”

“Was there anything more between you and him or was he someone you just danced with?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean.”

“It’s all very hard for me to understand. I liked being with him and he liked being with me. When he held me it was strange, but also very nice.”

“Held you?”

“We danced together and a couple of the tunes were slow numbers.”

“I see. I am sure you can make up with him.”

“I’ll never be able to face him. He thought I was a girl.”

“You will feel better in the morning. We can sort out all of this then.”

With that we pulled into the garage and I ran up into my room. I removed my wig, makeup and the rest of my cheerleading outfit. Without thinking, I slipped into a pair of my satin pajamas and went to bed. Maybe it was all of the stress, but I fell asleep quickly.

I slept in very late. I think it was my subconscious desire to be by myself. When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was the long wig lying on my dresser. My mind was quickly filled with a flood of emotions. I laid in bed thinking about the evening. I remembered how much fun I had until my life was ruined at the end. I was wondering what people were saying or thinking about me. I was both scared and curious. I decided to check out the walls in Facebook.

I grabbed my MacBook, and brought it into my bed. My first stop was my home page. It was still early, but I had a lot of activity. Roxanne had posted a nice message about how wonderful I looked and how winning the award was a great achievement. It wasn’t real personal, but I think it was for others to see.

A lot of my new girlfriends, posted similar messages, but some of them were more descriptive. Jessica called me, “the belle of the ball” and Lauren said, “she is going to have to keep me away from her boyfriend.” My friend Rob asked, why I had not changed my profile picture to update my newest look. Sam asked, if I had met anyone special and gotten lucky. In order to post a comment on my home page, they had to be a friend first, so there weren’t any real negative posts.

My friend Chris sent me a private message. He wanted to know if I felt better being out of the closet. He was not trying to be mean, but he was curious. Initially when I started changing my style, he had begun acting a little strange around me. Now he was assuming I was gay.

I had never considered myself gay. When dressed as Alex I was always attracted to girls. I never had any really passionate or intense relationships with them, but I always liked being with them. Last night, when dressed as Lexi, I had my first set of feelings for a guy. Since I was feeling like a girl, I never really thought about it as gay. In the girl’s role my feelings were sort of heterosexual. My mind was spinning from the thoughts flowing through it. I even wondered if Chris had any hidden agenda for his question, particularly since it was a private message.

I don’t think that anybody expected me to show up at school looking like I did Saturday night, but I was sure that the perception of my androgynous appearance would never be looked at quite the same. I was not sure what I wanted to do about that. My other big concern was Paul. I had led him to believe I was something I was not. My feelings were authentic, but it was not fair for him to find out like that. I was worried that he was hurt by my actions. I was also worried that anyone who saw us together might give him a hard time.

I wanted to talk with him even if I didn’t know what to say. I would be seeing him during second period on Monday, assuming I went to school. I really did not want that to be our first words following the events of the dance.

My mother heard me stirring in my room and knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

“Good morning Sleepyhead. How are you feeling this morning.”

“A little better, but still confused and I don’t know what to do.”

“I think that is all understandable. A lot happened last night.”

“It is going to be so difficult facing people. I pretended I was a real girl!”

“Let’s try and figure this all out.”

“Right now, I do not see how that is possible.”

“Try and be positive. Let me ask you a few questions.”

“Shoot.”

“Probably the most important question is something you need to answer very honestly. Before your camouflage was removed, how did you feel dressed convincingly as Lexi?”

“That’s part of the problem. At first I was just happy how I looked, but mostly scared. The longer I was in the role the more comfortable I became. It did not take that long before I didn’t think I was acting anymore. I like being Alex, but I also enjoyed being Lexi.”

“And this boy you met, how did he make you feel?”

“That was probably the strangest part. When I was with him I felt even more like a girl. I had never thought of myself as gay, but last night I was in his spell.”

“Alex have you ever felt like that about a boy before, even a little?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe I have looked at the kids at school and wished I knew them better. Until now, I just thought I was a little jealous of their popularity or good looks. But I do like girls. I love being with Roxanne and her friends.”

“If your classmates weren’t a problem would you want to continue with your androgynous ways?”

“I like my new style and the attention it was getting. Now I am not so sure.”

“If you knew no one would make fun of you, would you like to be Lexi again?”

“I don’t think that is possible, but I think I might. Please don’t tell any of my friends I said that.”

“Honey, this is just between us. I want to know what you want, before we can best figure out what to do.”

“It’s just all so new to me.”

“I think I have a pretty good handle on your dilemma. Everything will eventually work out. You just need to stay calm and be yourself.”

“That sounds too simple. What do I do now?”

“If you act embarrassed or try to hide things people will pick up on that. If you put your chips on the table and are open with people they will be more accepting.”

“What if people laugh at me or call me names? Then what?”

“Those are just words. Unless it is more than that, just ignore those people. I am sure they are not your friends anyway.”

“What about my new hairstyle and clothes. I think I should tone it down.”

“Is that a question? I really think you should not change anything, because of last night. Just be you and figure out what makes you happy.”

“Maybe I should call Paul and apologize.”

“That might be a good idea. You might also call Roxanne and let her know you are okay.”

“I will mom. I still am a little uneasy, but I feel less stressed.”

“Why don’t you get dressed and we can have some brunch.”

My mother took Roxanne’s cheerleader outfit off my chair and also took the wig. She said she would get the cheerleader outfit cleaned and return it to Roxanne. She didn’t say anything about the wig.

I slipped out of my pajamas and put on some jeans and a T-shirt. I just wanted to be casual and comfortable, but not fashion forward this morning.

After eating I decided to call Roxanne first. At least with her I knew she would not be upset with me. I also thought she might have her fingers on the pulse of what others thought of my deception. Her enthusiasm came through the phone instantaneously. She sounded like nothing was wrong and everything went perfectly. She also seemed to think it was natural that I behaved like a girl in almost every way.

“You were a star. The padding made everything look so magnificent on you. I bet I have some other things you would look phenomenal in.”

“Thanks, remember that was a costume party. Even if I wanted to do it again, you know I can’t.”

“I don’t see why not. It would be a waste with your potential, if you didn’t show it off a little.”

“We’ll see, right now I just want to get through Monday.”

“What’s Monday?”

“School! Everyone is going to have a lot of fun at my expense.”

“You might get a few funny comments, but I bet you get more compliments. If you had looked like a hideous vamp, then maybe, but you looked too good for people to say anything really hurtful.”

“Do you think everyone at school knows about my costume?”

“If they don’t, they soon will. The school paper took enough photos. I am sure you will be featured in at least one.”

“That’s all I need. So are you and Josh back together?”

“Yes. He and Claire had broken up again even before the dance. He apologized, and we are back together for now.”

“That’s good.”

“So what are you going to do about Paul?”

“Not much I can do, but I think I have to call him and apologize.”

“He seemed pretty smitten with you.”

“I have to admit you are right. I’m sure he is angry. I hope he takes my call.”

“I am sure he would take Lexi’s call.”

“Funny, very funny.”

“Who knows maybe he won’t be upset.”

“I’ll find out soon enough.”

“Good luck, you two make a cute couple.”

“Thanks.”

“Give me a call and let me know how it went.”

I took my time getting up the courage to call Paul. I liked him and didn’t want him to hate me. I felt something special between us, if only for a brief time. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I had to take whatever he wanted to dish.

I dialed up the cell number he gave me. It rang three times before going to voicemail. His phone was obviously on, but he didn’t take my call. I left him a message. “Hi, I don’t know exactly what to say, but I know it includes I’m sorry. I didn’t expect last night to go like that and I feel terrible. I really enjoyed being with you and hope you can eventually forgive me. I want to be your friend. My cell is 555-555-5683.”

The rest of the day I kept my phone close in hopes that he would call. I never left the house all day long. It was one of the longest days of my life. I kept checking my phone, in hopes that he would call. I received a few other phone calls during the day including a couple from my guy friends and one from Jessica. The calls from my friends were a little juvenile, but in a friendly way. They joked with me about my improved looks and had a few good-natured laughs at my expense. They admitted I had a lot of guts showing up like that, but were impressed how well I carried it off.

Jessica just wanted to know how I was doing and if Lexi had enjoyed her evening. She also wanted to know if Lexi wanted to come over one night during the week and hang out. I asked her if she meant Lex or if she really meant for me to come over as Lexi. She said she liked Lex, but it would be a whole lot more fun if Lexi came over. I thanked her for the offer, but told her I was not ready to push things that far. She sounded disappointed, but said the offer was open. Before she hung up, she said that a few of her friends were coming over next Saturday for another get-together and it would be nice if I came over. She told me too come dressed as however I wanted to.

It was after 9 PM and I was getting myself ready for school the next day, when I saw Paul's number flash on my cell phone. I answered as fast as I could with a very feeble, “Hi.”

"I got your message. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't expect you to say anything. I just wanted to call and tell you how bad I felt. I never meant to hurt you and it was never my plan to take it as far as it got. I had never done that before, and I'm sorry it just got out of hand."

"Are you telling me that's the first time you ever dressed like that? I find that very hard to believe."

"I only did that once before and I never left the house. It was sort of a dry run for the party."

"There’s no question you're very good at it and you succeeded in playing a good joke on me."

"I was not trying to play a joke on you or anyone. If anything, the joke was on me. I was hoping to slip out before anyone knew my true identity. The thing with you just happened. It was not planned and it just escalated."

"Well, I didn't know you were a guy, but you did. How come you let it get that far?

"Like I said, I didn't want anyone to know who I was. You asked me to dance and to be honest it started to be fun. When I was with you, I somehow didn't think of myself as a guy. I am not sure you can understand that, but like I said, I really feel bad."

"You certainly didn't seem like a guy, even when I think back about it."

"I hope I didn't cause you any trouble with any of your friends."

"A couple of my teammates had a good laugh at my expense, but that is no big deal. I can handle it."

"Are we going to be okay? You are my lab partner in chemistry. I liked you when I was Lexi, so I hope you're okay with Alex."

“You call yourself Lexi?"

"That was probably an over share, a couple of girls I know, gave me that name."

"Well Lexi fits better with what I saw last night, but in chemistry class I think I'll call you Alex. I hope that is okay with you."

"Of course, does that mean were okay?"

"Yeah, just be honest with me in the future."

"Like last night, I promise. Thanks for calling me back. Goodnight Paul."

"Goodnight Lexi, see you tomorrow."

I was so relieved that Paul and I were not mortal enemies. I had been on pins and needles all day in hopes that he would call. That was at least one thing I would not have to worry about. It was kind of late so I decided to update Roxanne on my Paul discussion, at school on Monday.

I decided to wear my new nightgown to bed. Mother had told me to be myself and I remembered how nice it felt the one night I wore it to bed. At least at home I was not going to give into my personal embarrassment.

For school I decided to continue being style conscious, but not try and make any bold statements. I wore one of my pastel T-shirts with the new Dansko clogs. Other than that, everything else on my body was very traditional, except maybe my rapidly growing hair.

It took no time for me to receive some razzing. On my locker was a picture of me in my cheerleader’s uniform. I was on the stage and in the middle of doing my mock cheer. The position was decidedly feminine. I had no idea who put it there, but was certain I would be seeing the picture again. I was so right. I found that same picture on my chair in homeroom and again on my locker in the afternoon.

The first time I saw the picture I quickly pulled it down and shoved it into one of my folders. Later after I had gotten a second one I looked at it a little closer. I actually had to admit it looked kind of cute. It was probably meant to be funny, but I actually liked the picture. When I saw the third one on my locker in the afternoon, I remembered what my mother told me, she said not to act like I was embarrassed. I decided to leave it up, besides whoever put it up, would probably just put up another one.

Throughout the day I received even more attention then the day I showed up with my new hairstyle. I was asked by a bunch of male classmates to do a cheer for them. There were jokes about makeup, my hair, and even my sexual orientation. It was nothing I couldn't take and I mostly smiled at the jokesters. I was grateful the day was over, but it was not unbearable.

When Roxanne saw me just before lunch, she gave me a big hug. It was the same kind of hug that she had given me before; when I thought she might have had a different kind of interest in me. I was now sure that she most likely never considered me that kind of boyfriend. I told her I had made up with Paul and she was thrilled. She said she wanted to hear more about Paul later.

I had seen Paul in chemistry class earlier that morning. Despite our conversation I was still nervous to see him and looked him in the eyes. After all, the last time I did, I was in his spell. Before entering the room I made sure my hair looked good. I guess I was still acting a little vain in Paul's presence. Paul was cordial, but his mood was decidedly different than at the dance. I could see him scan me up and down on a few occasions. It was as if he was trying to reconcile the two images of me in his mind. He did not act angry in any way, and in fact was very polite. I wouldn't say he treated me like a girl, but he seemed to treat me with a gentle touch. His mood was somber, but friendly.

I survived the day and my life was not over. I am sure the events of Saturday would never be completely behind me, but at least I wouldn't have to go into a witness protection plan.

My mother's advice had helped me cope with the comments. She was also not surprised that my day had gone reasonably well.

"Now that school is not a big issue, we need to deal with the other things we discussed Sunday."

"What things?"

"Like Lexi."

"I'm still not following you."

"You were pretty clear that you enjoyed being Lexi and that you desired to explore that side of you some more."

"I did like that feeling, but that was for a costume party."

"It wasn't a costume for you. You said you actually felt like a Lexi. Did I hear you wrong?"

"No, but I don't see how that is really an option."

"I just don't want to shut that window unless you decide that's what you want to do."

"I already have the androgynous thing going, what are you suggesting?"

"The androgynous thing is good, but I think you need to experience Lexi a little more when you are away from school. Maybe after a while you won't want to do that anymore, but I want you to figure that out on your own without pressure."

"You think I should do more of the cheerleader thing at home."

"Well the thing, but not as a cheerleader. Just be Lexi, my teenage daughter."

"Do you really think that is possible? I remember you didn't want me pushing this envelope. Pretending to be a girl, even at home, it's pretty out there."

"I have come around. You are a special child with a side to you I somehow failed to see. I think this would be an eye opener for you and me. I have to admit I enjoyed the other night almost as much as you. If I think we are making a mistake, I will put an end to it."

"What do you expect me to do."

"I think we ought to have Lexi nights. Maybe once a week, during the week and maybe one afternoon or evening on the weekends. On those days you will have free range to explore as much or little of that aspect of your personality as you want. I will help you however I can."

"That sounds like fun. You already returned my costume so I guess I will wear some of my more daring androgynous clothes."

"I returned the cheerleader outfit, but I bought from Lulu the breast forms and the wig. Your hair is easily long enough to be attractively styled, but for the moment the wig will make you feel more girlish. After your next Lulu appointment maybe you'll have more options with your own hair."

"Wow, you have this all figured out."

"I have been thinking about it a lot since the party. I think this weekend we will go and get you some age-appropriate Lexi clothes. I think that way you can mentally feel different when you wear them. Maybe some of the new things can go both ways, but we will see about that.”

“What are we going to get?”

“I think we will go downtown to Chicago and hit some of the Oak Street boutiques and maybe water Tower Place or The 900 Shops. You will be more comfortable trying on things there, instead of up here where you might run into friends. “

“Trying on things? Will they let me?”

They will let Lexi. It’ll be fun and you will definitely feel the complete girlish experience.”

“I really don’t need that much clothes.”

“It’s about getting some nice things and about the whole experience. How about Thursday night we will do a dress-up dry run. It will make Saturday morning easier.”

“This is all mind numbing, but I think I want to do it.”

“Good. I will make plans.”

I tried to spend the next few days acting as normal as I could, but I kept thinking about the events ahead. Things gradually improved at school and after a couple of days the locker antics disappeared. I fell back into my regular routine and the comments faded away.

On Wednesday Jessica told me that her get-together was moved from Saturday to Sunday afternoon. Her parents would be out that afternoon so they could have more fun with a Sunday gathering. I had completely forgotten about her invitation with my shopping plans cluttering my brain cells. I told her Sunday would be good and I would see her then. She reminded me that I was welcome to come as Lexi if I wanted to.

On Thursday, my mother told me to work on my homework as soon as I got home. She wanted us to have free time later to fix me up. I finished my work and had a salad dinner. We were free to play at about 7 PM. I was instructed to do a fresh body shaving with my electric razor. My mother did all of her makeup handiwork on me and gave me one of her long silk tunics and some denim tights to get dressed in. she told me to wear my padding and brassiere to give everything proper shape.

When I returned I could tell she was pleased. I looked casual, but very pretty. She really wanted me to go without the wig, but she said maybe it was best until my hair got a proper styling. She had me walk around all evening on heels, so I could get used to them. She intended to have me wear a pair of her wedge styled shoes on Saturday. By wearing regular heels all evening she figured I would be better prepared to try on other styles.

We spent some time in the guest bedroom that was adjacent to my room. She said this would serve as the room for my Lexi things. It had a small walk-in closet and a queen bed. She moved a few items from her room into the closet and a few selected things from my room.

"Lexi, I think I will get a vanity for this room and do a little redecorating. I know it is not necessary, but it will be fun for me."

"I think it will be good to have my Lexi stuff in a separate room in case my friends come over."

"Maybe down the road you can have some of your girlfriends over and have a place to hang out."

"This is just for us, remember."

"I know, I'm just brainstorming ahead."

The dry run went well and we were as ready as we could be for our excursion on Saturday. I was excited about Saturday for another reason. I was looking forward to spending some time bonding with my mother. Over the years since my father died, my mother and I had always been very close. However, there is a special bond that a father and son can have, and the same for a mother and daughter. This would be an experience that few boys would ever get a chance to have. It would be as much for my mother as it was for me.

Saturday morning my mother got me up at 8:30 AM. I took a shower and had some breakfast before we got ready. I dressed in the clothes from Thursday evening and my mother did my makeup. I had practiced on a few occasions, but for our excursion today my mother wanted my makeup to be flawless. I did not look exactly as I had in our previous dress-up experiences, because my mother wanted the makeup to be more daytime oriented. The makeup was a little less extreme, but no less feminine. I wore a pair of her diamond studs that my father had bought for her. She said that studs would be easier for me when I was changing outfits.

I was nervous leaving the house in daylight for the first time, looking as I did. I was confident that I looked the part, but still a little worried that a friend might pop over as we were heading out the driveway. I could tell my mother was enjoying herself, as we drove down the Kennedy Expressway. We parked in the garage at 900 North Shops. It was centrally located and right next to Bloomingdale’s.

We made our first stop at Bloomingdale’s. Almost immediately upon entering the women’s department, a sales associate came to assist us. My mother told her that we were primarily looking for me and that I had almost no winter clothes. She told the associate that I had recently blossomed and had very little clothing that I could wear.

“What is your lovely daughter’s name?”

“Her name is Lexi. We need to get her some casual clothes and maybe something a little dressier.”

“ I hope it is okay that I call you Lexi. You are going to be in for a real treat. You look like a size 6, does that sound about right?”

“I am not sure I have not done that much shopping lately.”

“You will just have to try on a few things. Many of our designers have a different idea about sizing. You could possibly be a size 4 with some designers and even a size 8 with others.”

Over the next hour I must have tried on 20 or more outfits. I was amazed by the quality of the clothing. It was a lot different than the chain stores that I had gone through with Roxanne and Jessica. The prices were a little mind boggling, but there was no question the clothing was stylish and of high quality. I asked my mother if we really should be spending so much for me to be a part-time girl and she told me not to give it a second thought.

By the time we left Bloomingdale’s, I had three sets of slacks, four blouses, two sweaters, a wide belt, a silk scarf, and a couple of dresses. The dresses were not formal, but would be nice for going out on a Saturday night. Virtually everything we picked out was from one famous designer or another. I recognized a couple of their names, but not many of the others. My mother told me I had a lot to learn.

We had two very large shopping bags full of clothing. My mother suggested that we go and do a little shoe shopping and then put our current purchases into the car. We shopped at Charles David and Alternatives Shoes. I bought some cowgirl style shoes and two dressy pair at Charles David. At alternatives I bought shoes that would be appropriate for school, that is, if I was a girl. Two pairs were fun leather slip-ons, with small heels. Another pair, had straps that wound around my legs. I thought they looked pretty sexy on me.

We put all of our purchases into the car and returned to the mall for some lunch. We had a light lunch at the Oak tree Café, before heading out to do some more shopping. In addition to more clothes my mother said we had to get me some nice outerwear. We ended up getting me a three-quarter length, medium weight coat and a beautiful black leather winter coat. The black leather coat would be perfect for the winter weather that Chicago was known for. When I saw the price tag on that coat, I told my mother I thought that was ridiculous and that I didn't need it. She told me it was a perfect fit and could be worn with casual clothes or with something a little dressier. I said I would not have that many opportunities to where it, but she insisted that I could wear it with some of my boy clothes. I looked at her kind of funny, since the style was clearly designed for a woman. It was a classic leather coat, but the detail work and collar was very feminine. I was happy that my mother wanted me to have the very best, but I was getting a little concerned we were going over the top.

We had picked up most of the basics and started just going into some of the boutiques to see if we found something special that we really liked. Before the afternoon was over, I owned clothes from Prada, Hermes, and Anthropology among others. I had a wardrobe that any teenage or 20 something girl would die for. I felt kind of guilty, getting so many nice things. I somehow knew that my mother expected me to get a lot of use out of them. I was not sure when, but this was for much more than just for a couple of nights a week.

Our last stop for the day was at Victoria secrets. I ended up with some new bras and a number of other intimate items. Victoria Secrets was one of the few places that I was a little apprehensive about trying on apparel. With some of the intimate wear my breast forms either showed or had a hard time staying in place. When my mother saw my difficulty, she said that she would have to work on that for the future. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but at this point nothing would’ve surprised me.

We headed home shortly before 5 PM and put away my things in the guest bedroom. I was pretty tired from the day’s experience. Shortly after arriving home, I took off my wig. I told my mother it was getting a little hot and uncomfortable. When I took it off, she grabbed a brush and combed out my hair. She put a red barrette into my hair so it would not fall into my face. I still looked totally girlish even without the wig on my head.

I assumed after I got home that it would be time for me to switch back into my Alex role, but she said I should at least finish out the day this way. Since there was no reason to change, I stayed as Lexi. The more time I spent as Lexi, the more comfortable I became. After dinner, I found myself curled up with a book in front of the fireplace. My mother commented how adorable I looked sitting there all cozy looking.

It was an amazing day and I was sure it would have many encores. In only a few short weeks I had gone from a fashion forward hairstyle to a fully dressed teenage girl. It was more than I could’ve imagined and I still do not know what it all meant. I started down this path, hoping it would improve my social life. My social life had increased, but it was getting increasingly difficult to imagine myself making the moves on any girl at school. My personal style had changed significantly and more and more of my free time was being spent looking like Lexi.

The next day when I came down to breakfast my mother asked me if I wanted to be Lexi again. I was surprised by the suggestion, but told her that I would be spending the afternoon over at Jessica’s house. I could tell she was a little disappointed, but she did not push it on me. I spent the better part of the day finishing my homework. I really did not want to have any left when I got back from Jessica’s.

I think the experience on Saturday had made me less cautious about my appearance, so I dressed for the afternoon a little more boldly. Jessica had suggested I come as Lexi, but I was not prepared to go that far. I decided to wear my androgynous looking clothes, with a few decidedly feminine accessories. When I was dressed to go, I had not one thing on me that could be bought in a men’s department. I wore my hoop earrings, girl’s belt, and new bracelet along with some of the clothes that the girls had bought for me. I even wore a Barrette to hold my hair out of my eyes. When my mother saw me, she knew that I was dressing even more femininely for my friends than ever before. She did not complain and even suggested that a little light makeup might look nice. I resisted the temptation and told her I was ready to go.

I was the fourth person to arrive at Jessica’s house and soon thereafter three more of her friends showed up. Both Jessica and Roxanne commented how great I looked and never thought twice about calling me Lexi. About a half-hour after everyone had gotten there Jessica said it would be a good time to go for the swim. I had no idea that anyone was going to be swimming. I didn’t even know that Jessica’s house had an indoor pool. All of the girls had brought bathing suits, but I had not.

“I thought you knew we would be swimming. Whenever my friends come over on the weekend, we usually go for a swim.”

“It’s not a big deal, I’ll just hang out by the pool.”

“I am sure I can find a suit that you can wear. My sister is about your size and she has a few one-piece suits that I am sure will work.”

“A girl’s swimsuit?”

“It’s no big deal. It’s not like you have any sort of problem dressing a little more adventurously. You will look fine.”

“A few minutes later I was dressed in her sister’s purple one-piece bathing suit, it was low-cut in the back and had built-in cups in the front. I obviously was not wearing my breast forms, but with the style of the suit it looked like I had small breasts. The girls applauded when they saw me, and Jessica said I really need a little makeup to complete the image. At this point I wasn’t going to argue. I was given a little mascara, eyeliner and some lipstick. It wasn’t elaborate, but it did the trick. When they laid the makeup down on the table, I instinctively picked up the mascara as if I was going to put it on myself. I realized that I might look a little odd doing that myself, so I put it right back down.

I spent the afternoon with them as one of the girls and even kept the makeup on after I changed back into my regular clothes. I was treated completely as one of the girls and not as a fashion forward boy.

When I got picked up, my makeup did not go unnoticed. I explained the events of the afternoon and my mother did not seem very surprised. She told me to freshen my makeup before dinner and I did. It had been a crazy weekend that had taken me places I never expected to go. Tomorrow would be back to my normal routine and school.

Over the remainder of the fall semester my dressing activities at home expand. The original plan was for me to experiment a couple times a week. By mid-December I was dressing at home the majority of the time. It seemed to make my mother happy and I had grown much more comfortable in the part. On days or evenings I was with friends, I stuck to being Alex, but that now seemed to be only two or three days a week.

Most of my Lexi time was spent at home, but we did go into the city a few times to have dinner or do some window-shopping. I was also getting more used to having men looking at me. At first it creped me out a little, but now it just seems like something I just had to accept.

On my last salon appointment in late November, Lulu still did not do that much with my styling. She said my hair looked great, but still needed more length to do what she planned. In my mind it was already long enough. At school I started to keep it in a ponytail to draw less attention. At home my mother would have me brush it out into a more feminine style.

I tried to keep my two worlds as separate as I could. At school and with friends I rarely got as girlish as I did at Jessica's pool party. I was afraid of crossing that line. My relationship with Roxanne and her friends continue to grow, but I was careful not to act like a girl around them. At times I really wanted to, but doing so would probably cause the situation to spiral out of control.

My relationship with Paul had gotten better and his mood seemed to be improving when he was with me. The spark was still missing from his eyes, but we laughed and joked around a lot. He even got comfortable enough to start making Lexi comments about me when I acted or looked less manly. For the most part my relationships and school were going pretty well.

The holidays and winter break were just around the corner. It had been an amazing school semester that had certainly changed my life. I still was not sure where it was leading, but it was probably going to be a crooked path. There was one week left in the school semester, which would be followed by two full weeks off. We had made no real plans to travel over the break and planned to just do things around Chicago. We discussed going away for a long weekend, but had made no firm plans. The only thing I knew, was on Saturday, the first full day of break, I would be getting my hair styled again. I was pretty certain that Lulu planned to be a little more creative at this appointment.

After school on Monday, I went to the library with Roxanne to finish up a school project. We really didn't have much work this last week, but I still enjoyed studying with Roxanne. I still felt something special for her even though she felt somewhat differently about me. She had been a big part of my change the lifestyle and for the most part I was grateful. I wanted to get her something for Christmas and asked her if there was anything special that she would like.

"You know it's funny that you ask me that question, since winter break and the holidays are around the corner. I had been thinking, even before you asked me that question, of asking you to do something for me for Christmas."

"Of course Roxanne, I would do anything for you. What would you like me to do?"

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes of course, why are you being so coy?"

"Well what I'm going to ask you is a little unusual and it's for me, but it's also for you."

"Okay, so what do you want? "

"This coming Saturday evening my family has a holiday party. It's for family, a few relatives and some friends. I would like you to come."

"That's easy enough, I would love to come."

"That's not the whole thing. When I said I wanted you to come, I meant Lexi. I would really like you to come as Lexi. It's a holiday party so you could wear something festive."

"Am I hearing you right. You want me to get dolled up and show up at your house as Lexi?"

"You are. I've been thinking about this for a long time and I think it's something I really want and I think you do too. It would mean a lot to me, since you are so special to me and have been such a good friend."

"I guess I don't mind dressing up for you, but there will be other people there."

"I have already spoken with my family and they would love to meet Lexi. They already know you very well and they also said it would be wonderful if you came dressed in the holiday spirit."

“What about others, I do not want to cause a stir. You indicated that some friends would be there. I'm not sure about this."

"You have already done this with my friends. Did anyone treat you badly?"

"No, but this is much less private."

"It's a party, everyone will be happy and having fun. This is a perfect time for you to spread your wings."

"Why do you think I need to spread my wings?"

"Come on Lexi. I know you are not like other boys. You have a special side that deserves to have some face time."

Roxy, I do enjoy being with all of the girls, but this is so much beyond that."

"Hopefully it will be well beyond that. I guarantee you will have a pleasant evening. So will you do it?"

"I think I need to run this by my mom. I am not sure if she will approve."

"Why don't you invite her too. That way she can keep an eye and you if she is nervous."

"Okay, if she says it's alright, I will come."

"You mean Lexi, don't you?"

"Cute."

"I probably have something you could wear."

"Don't worry about that. If my mom says yes, we will take care of my outfit. I'll ask her tonight and let you know."

"Great. I am so excited. This year we will have best holiday party."

Back at home I related Roxanne's request to my mother.

"Honey this is a very big step. This is not a costume party or some private playtime. Others will see you and it will permanently change some people's views about you. Are you prepared to have the light shined on you in that way."

"I've been doing this with you for a pretty long time now. It is hard to keep this from my close friends. I am Alex, but I also like how it feels to be Lexi. I would like to share it with my good friends, if you approve."

"I am only asking you, because sometimes I think I have guided you too strongly to this point. You initiated the change, but without my help you might have just grown out of it. If you really want this, then we will go to the party as mother and daughter."

"Let's do it. If it is my choice, then I am ready to show myself off."

"I know you are ready. I think most of your friends will be surprised by how ready you are."

"I certainly will not need any new clothes. I finally have some reason to wear that Donna Karan dress."

"That is for sure. You are going to look absolutely lovely."

------

Any and all comments are appreciated. I love to hear what you think.

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Comments

Lexi

littlerocksilver's picture

Very nicely done! See PM.

Portia

Portia

I'm with my friend here!

Andrea Lena's picture

Thank you!


She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Con grande amore e di affetto, Andrea Lena

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

wonderful!!

very nice chapter.

DogSig.png

Very Stylish!

Another fine installment.

A Lovely Story!

Please keep it up, dear.

SuZie

SuZie

Lexi

Hi Nina
Lovely story.
You are making this most enjoyable.
Can't wait till Lexi's Xmas edition.
Thank you very much
Love
Anna

Anna

A change of style -3

The main thing I like about this story is that so far there are no hormones, breast emplants, doctors, physco's, etc.

Even though it has transitioning in the title prompts!

It's all about cross dressing and how beautiful he/she looks!

Nice for a change?

I'll probably be blown out of the water next chapter!!

Love it Nina.

LoL
Rita

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)

LoL
Rita

Dreams fulfilled

Jeangurl

Wow this story is so beautiful I am sure I have lived it in my dreams,

Jeangurl

My dreams tooooooo!

I so agree with your other friends, honey - I too have dreamed this way and think it's wonderful that you've avoided all the 'heavier' stuff that litters too many stories. Pure crossing, pure heaven! Thank you, Love Ginger xx