Just a Game

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Only a Game

It's just a game. Right?

Story:

Just a Game

by Erin Halfelven
 

"How long we been doing this?"

"It's only nine p.m., if we'd get started on time..."

"I don't mean tonight, I mean, you know, in years?"

"Forty years."

"Bullshit!"

"Close to it."

"The Game hasn't even been around for thirty years yet!"

"Of course it has."

"I was fifteen when I started playing, in 1980."

"Hey, you got your laptop open, look it up and see how long it's been around."

"Goddam internet ruins more good arguments...."

"1974."

"See what I mean, we could have argued about that all night."

"We're supposed to be playing the Game."

"We never play the Game anymore. We just get together to argue and drink Scotch and eat stuff our wives won't let us eat anymore."

"When did you start playing?"

"Seventy six."

"It was Dr. Pepper back then."

"Mountain Dew in our group."

"Phht. Short timer. Mountain Dew hadn't been invented yet when we started playing in the seventies."

"Had to."

"Look it up."

"Who the fuck cares!"

"What is that?"

"Unsweetened chocolate, goes great with Scotch."

"Uck! Yeah, if you drink enough Scotch."

"Why does it come in a two pound bar?"

"It's for baking."

"Are we going to play the Game tonight?"

"Nobody bakes that much."

"There's a new book out."

"There's always a new book out, we don't use the stuff in half the books we got."

"Let's play the damned Game."

"It's called 'Extraplanar Allies and Enemies'."

"Phht."

"It's pretty cool."

"Are you going to use it?"

"Got any new classes in it?"

"Feats? New feats?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking of using it tonight. You guys could use some extraplanar help."

"Well, I think I better bring my Paladin if we're dealing with extraplanars...."

"Okay, bring her. Your Fighter/Cleric/Mechanic is a frigging wimp, anyway."

"You realize that if you replace Mr. Godwrench with Lady duLac, we'll have an all female party?"

"Again?"

"Okay guys, figures on the table. What level is duLac?"

"Eighth."

"Okay she doesn't change the level of the party then, so that's good."

"Wow, that's a nice figure."

"Thank you."

"His wife paints them."

"Your wife paints figures for you? You know I have to agree to go to a chick flick with my wife for every weekend night we spend in the Game?"

"Sucks to be you."

"Should have married an artist instead of a shark."

"Hey. We're nerds. We're all lucky we got married at all."

"We're not nerds."

"More like geeks?"

"I meant, we're not all nerds. You're definitely a nerd."

"Phht."

"Figures on the table, guys. I'm bringing one of my characters tonight since you don't have a true Cleric now. I already figured her into the rating of monsters and treasure but she'll only take a half-share cause she's a GMPC."

"Yeah, yeah. Whosit?"

"Reverend Judy of Bob. Seventh level."

"Is that the cleric who worships the GM?"

"Yeah. I can't run her in anyone else's game; she'd just be a heretic."

"Oh, that's funny."

"Still an all female party."

"Hey! A girl who does whatever you want her to do is the essence of fantasy."

"Got that right."

"This is going to be an extraplanar adventure to introduce the enemies and allies of the new book."

"Crap."

"Shut up. You'll each get a free feat from the extraplanar list, besides EPs and loot. Spell users will get the chance to add extraplanar spells to their books and there are some neat weapons and tools for the Fighters and Mechanics."

"Anything a Barbarian can use?"

"Yeah, Barbarians can use most Fighter weapons; besides you're split class, you've got two levels of Noble."

"A Barbarian is just a Fighter with B.O."

"Princess Amethysta does not have B.O. She's got a Charm of 75."

"Isn't she a half-orc?"

"Orcblood. Elfblood, too."

"Oh, one of those."

"Oh, yeah, the naked, purple chick with the big...."

"Sword."

"Yeah. That's what I was going to say."

"Makes it easy to paint the figure."

"Okay, Bob. It's nine-thirty. You're the GM, get us on the way."

"Okay, which figure is whose? DuLac is the sheet metal monger; Amethysta is the naked purple set of tits; Judy is mine; who's this?"

"Shady Gwen, my Death Ranger."

"Should never allowed that class."

"Hey, I can't play her except in a mixed party--her alignment is Neutral Evil."

"No Lawful Goods tonight? Oop, we got duLac, the paladin."

"DuLac is presently working out her Atonement for offing that Unicorn Priest; she doesn't have her anti-evil powers."

"Still got the cup I made from his horn, too."

"What about Judy?"

"She's Neutral Good."

"See? Pain in the ass to play an evil character in this group."

"How many Deathstrokes you get?"

"Two, at twenty percent."

"Crap."

"Last character. Who's this unpainted figure represent?"

"That's me. Silverstring. Archer/Bard/Rogue."

"Triple-classing always sucks."

"Geeze, imagine an Archer/Death Ranger."

"Death Rangers can't multi-class without losing their Deathstroke."

"Good thing."

"Guys, guys. Let's get it going. I've got some color text to read, then Judy will open the Gate into Otherness...."

Notes:

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Originally posted: 2006-11-17

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Comments

Cute

Brought back memories when I was a GM and had to impersonate a flirty elf maiden.
My first girlish giggle made my players stampede for the door :)

A nice revisit

I already read this some time ago, but couldn't remember it, so did a reread just now. I love the all-dialogue choice, an author can communicate a lot to the reader that way. There is the problem of needing some artificial-sounding exposition at times, but if you don't stick religiously to all dialogue, then it can read more comfortably.

I haven't got to play any RPGs in recent years, but not by choice. Life just works out that way, sometimes. IMHO, one never gets too old to have fun, and a lot of types of people do have fun with RPGs if they aren't too embarrassed to try them. One doesn't have to be a nerd or a geek to have some good, old-fashioned Let's Pretend fun. Nor should anyone feel "too old" for RPGs; playing an RPG does not mean the player is immature, contrary to what some people say. Remember, the word "play" is should be the watchword.

Someone above (John in Wauwatosa, maybe) mentioned Traveller and that always brings a smile. Science fiction role-playing game, and still the best. In the last dozen years or so a number of companies have licensed it and issued new versions of Traveller rules, along with more adventure materials. The most recent ones are Mongoose's version of Traveller, a little pricey but quite popular and Marc Miller himself published a fifth edition Traveller, usually called T5 and it is only available as a CD. Visit www.farfuture.net if you're interested in buying his version.

I am an M2F crossdresser, hetero, not a transsexual. Is it funny that one of my long-cherished fantasies has been to be a pretty young woman in a face-to-face RPG with friends, playing as an F2M character? I also like a variation of that, where I'm not a GG but instead am an M2F crossdresser in stealth mode, pretending to be a GG who is playing a male character, in an all-males or mostly-males group. Kind of Victor/Victoria. The biggest difference is that in Victor/Victoria, the plot revolves around everyone knowing the protagonist is crossdressing, but in my fantasies nobody has any reason to suspect that there is crossdressing going on.

I have a couple of story ideas based on this, but all my writing progresses verrrrryyy slowly, and in fits and starts.

Anyway, nice short-short, Erin. We can always rely on the quality of your work. :-)

Annie

Amethysta, Amethystia?

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

Hey, I got a char named Amethystia in D&D Online, a Drow, Wizard/Rouge, and yep she is purple!

lol

Unfortunately, I never had enough interested people around to play the original game back when.

Absolutely no idea what I just read

BarbieLee's picture

Erin, my pet, this one never touched cognizance inside my head. My years consisted of card games, board games, checkers, chess, and such. Got so good at chess all the guys refused to play. I remember a TV game I think was called Pong? was fun for a couple weeks until the insanity and boredom kicked in. When time allowed it was the guitar and me annoying the hell out of anyone within hearing distance. After college, life got in the way of even that enjoyment.

For those lost in the Time Warp this might fill an itch.
Retro Gaming Console with 600+ Classic Games
https://tinyurl.com/yap4bqrk

If one shops for it on Amazon I noticed it was only 500 games so this one must be a newer addition.
Life is a gift. Treasure it until it's time to return it.
always,
Barb

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Good conversation!

I have been in VERY similar conversations in my gaming life. We had a serious debate one game about which was better:
1. A D&D portable hole
2 or an Acme portable hole from Loonie Toons.
20 years later, I don't remember who won.

"Goddam internet ruins more good arguments...."

WillowD's picture

It doesn't ruin nearly as many arguments as it creates. And feuds. Like the people who are for or against vaccination. I doubt we would have half the population vehemently on each side of this argument if it wasn't for the internet.

Gateway into the otherness...

laika's picture

And that's where the evening took a strange turn. Good last line.

Pretty funny and realistic "bro" banter; this could have been any kind of "stag" gathering---playing poker or watching sports---where guys can just relax and be themselves as they hanging out with regular friends of the same sex. I've been in these kind of scenes, but weirdly started feeling less and less like myself a lot of times, and in some way like an imposter. If any of the assembled in this story felt this way, well they did have their girl game persona. Come to think of it maybe they all did and just couldn't admit it. Maybe if they just had a little more scotch...

I haven't had unsweetened baking chocolate since I was ten. Sounds like one of them grabbed it for a snack, not knowing what it was, LOL. And I'm pretty sure MOUNTAIN DEW (the soft drink, not the kind distilled from corn) has been around since at least the early 60's...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCAiEyN1pyk
He might have been thinking of Gatorade which was invented later, but even though they don't really taste the same I could see someone confusing the twi; they're both yellowish and sort of odd...
~hugs, Veronica

.
The closest approximation to what it's like in my brain:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u08E7c-FRbU&t=4s

I'm sorry Erin

Normally I love your writing. I came back to this one after I had left it in the middle. I then found I had to go to the beginning again and read it all the way through. For me it didn't work at all! I don't even know if I liked it or not! Basically I think I just did not understand it, it is way outside my normal operational area. However reading other comments I take reassurance both that I am not alone, and also, on your behalf that there are others who are more tuned in for whom it was an enjoyment! I really can't give a kudos for that which I do not understand. I thoroughly enjoy most of your work, and am truly impressed by the breadth of your coverage, and will continue to give my time to reading what you post. There is a growing number of BC authors, experience of whom, has led me to completely ignore. There are others, you are one of them, who are MUST reads.
Happy New Year
Dave

DnD

Fiona K's picture

I got introduced to it late I was in my 30's and was introduced by my youngest sister's boyfriend at the time who was 15 years younger. Loved it. And every game had at least one conversation similar to this. I really miss those gaming sessions at times. Interestingly enough when BioWare came out with Neverwinter Nights which was based on 3.5 rules you would still have these kind of discussions before a GM run session via private chat. Thanks for bringing back some fond memories Erin.

"The things that make me different are the things that make me." - A.A. Milne
"Nothing happens until the pain of remaing the same, outweighs the pain of change." - Arthur Burt

I must confess,

virtually every item/character mentioned above went completely over my shoulder. I've never played a single on-line game or computer board game in my life. But then, I could hardly read and write before I was fifteen and far too preoccupied with RL to indulge in any thing resembling a pastime or leisure. Staying alive was the name of the game, staying safe wasn't an option!
Beverly.

bev_1.jpg

Portable Hole!

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

Hey I've seen actual portable holes. :p *giggle*

OK, It's not quite the same thing.

"Portable Hole" has come to mean something quite different in the world of, outdoor fairs, craft shows, and various costumed events (historical RP or other wise). It is use to help set up temporary tents and pavilions, basically it is an over long heavy-duty metal tent peg with a pair of metal rings or piece of pipe welded to it, used to hold tent pole or banner(flag) in place. Just ask any of the SCA peeps.

I have always found varied use of the same term interesting, even if sometimes confusing.

>i< ..:::

Reply to, Mic-Gold
Not sure why this end up here since I clicked reply to "Mic-Gold"

Mountain Dew

Per Wikipedia, the person was right about Mountain Dew. Started as a mix for booze in 1940, that is before the United States entered World War II. Current formula dates to 1958.

The DnD from 1974 was more of a war game than an FRP. It used the measuring tapes, lines of site, ... with LOTS of calculations for angle of fire, weather, power of the weapon, ... If I remember right, it did not even have rules for combat. You had to purchase another TSR product that gave the information about movement and weapon usage calculations. It was basically like doing battle re-enactments (with changes allowed) of famous battles (especially Roman, Napoleonic, and World War II) only with elves, dwarves, humans, and hobbits (I think they were called that, not halflings). I think it was a couple of years before they came up with the first version of what most think of a DnD (an FRP).

Pretty much what I remember too.

erin's picture

Also, the overland movement rule involved using an Avalon Hill game of wilderness survival. :)

It was a mess but it opened doors.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

If you haven't

erin's picture

If you haven't had the experience, how could you relate? :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Role-playing!

"Role-playing on a Saturday nite and I ain't got nobody, I've a game book because I just got paid",Singing out of key!

Never done it

and now I know why. You should post this as a public service announcement every four to six months to warn the uninformed.

Did role-playing start with Clue? I always (begrudgingly ;) ) wanted to be Miss Scarlet.

I always was the car in Monopoly, but that seemed genderless.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Role-playing game

In Life, you could always choose whether your car was driven by a little pink peg or a blue one.

The story reminded me of that bit from the Dead Alewives. I was slightly confused by trying to figure out which pieces of dialogue were the same voices, but I don't think that hurt the piece at all.

One-Parter?

erin's picture

Well, I don't know if I'll get the time to do more on this. Took me three hours to write 900 words, the all dialogue style is a good way to work up a sweat. :) I see this as the prologue to a longer story but who knows?

It cracks ME up, just as is since some of the dialog is straight from gaming groups I've been in. :)

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

I'm VERY confused

Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

I have NO idea what it was I just read.

It was well written, I just have no frame of reference for the story. I assume it had to do with 'Dungeons and Dragons' or some such and all the 'boys' were playing out female fantacies with their characters, but beyond that ~~~~~~ pie in the sky.

Thank you.

with love,

HER

with love,

Hope

Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

Danger Will Robinson

erin's picture

You got it. :) That's about all there was to the joke, a bunch of 40-year-old nerds drinking Scotch and playing their favorite game, pretending to be beautiful, sexy, powerful women. :)

Almost any of my gaming group (and most of us have been gaming together for more than a quarter century) could tell you who the voices were. :) I could name names but I won't. LOL.

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

I'm sorry if my comment was t

I'm sorry if my comment was too strange. It was just too familiar to me. Been there done that, did again and liked it, repeat every weekend! I can understand how those of us who don't play game role-playing games can be confused by this. RPGs are just hard to explain without using Clue or Monopoly as examples. Dungeons and Dragons is well-known, but there are so many others that are just as much fun. I'm trying to write a modern RPG story and the line between explaining too much and not enough is a BEAR! Of course you don't have my bad spelling and grammar to contend with. Please continue this story!

Yow? Continue?

erin's picture

Well, I have some ideas. :) Does anyone else want to find out what happens to Princess Amethysta, Lady duLac, Reverend Judy of Bob, Silverstring and Shady Gwen?

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Shady Lady

Erin, not much of a gamer but it was cute. Now, how could I not be curious about what happens to "Shady Gwen"? :)

Gwen Lavyril

Gwen Lavyril

Yup.

WillowD's picture

I am curious too.

Me, too.

erin's picture

:)

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Rolling Boulders

Do you remember the old rolling boulders we use to get with the box sets. Those dice were soooooo warped it was funny.

Love,

Paula

When the lines between reality and fantasy blur, true magic can begin.

Paula

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune

Plastic Dice

I remember how great it was when the Crystal/Gem Dice came out! Followed by the high impact plastic, that was replaced by the metal coated ones. What a racket when rolling an handful! What about the ceramic dice that had the numbers printed backwards! Who used to use grease pencils or markers to color half the 1 to 0 on their D20s, so they could call the colored ones as the high to get teens on their rolls? Now the sides are numbered 1 to 20 and colored in so you can actually read it. Great for aging gamers needing glasses at 40 something!

PS I almost forgot about the old D4 with the sharp pointed tops that was better than caltrop for stopping gamers in their tracks from going for munchies. The pain, the pain!

Dice for it!

erin's picture

Our group in a little desert town started playing in '75 or '76. We didn't have dice, we used decks of cards. :) We didn't even have a full set of the rules, just mimeo'd handouts someone had produced in San Diego on some school's announcement equipment.

When the plastic dice from The Armoury and Flying Buffalo became available we wore them down to marbles quickly. :)

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Late bloomer

I didn't get started till spring of 1980 when some army buddies introduced me to D&D, followed by Traveler, Gamma World, Boot Hill, Champions, Villains&Vigilantes, and the list goes on. Die rolling programs may be statistical accurate, but it seems so heretical somehow!

I have no idea..

kristina l s's picture
Not a clue what any of you are talking about. I was the Scotty dog on occasion in Monopoly... but beyond that... I'll just go suck my thumb But I could picture the guys round a card table and lying their.. butts off. Scotch helps too..probably. Kristina

A Clarification Kristina

When you think RPG -- role playing game not rocket propelled grenade -think Uber Geek, think geek on steriods. Primarily guys but there are gals too. Yes real girls who play RPGs, though an artical my sister read says the girls tend to play guys in the RPGs.

I have hovered on the edge -- TSR and the huge Dungeons and Dragons convention was in SE Wisconsin for years -- but Risk and Monopoly is as far as I dabble. Personally I prefer the battleship or the canon --I must have a violent streak. I know some gamers and they are protypical geeks, honest, this coming from a geek himself.

Hell, I belong to a Doctor Who/Brit sci-fi/comedy club and I can still quote HHGG and Monty Python --- how much more geeky can one be?

Erin, your theory works, look at the characters in my stories here -- mostly girls and lookers at that.

Now where is that 20 sided copper clad die I found?

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

RPG :)

Always wanted to try PnP RPG, only ever done the computer based ones (currently letting my rested XP build in WoW).

There are a fair few RPG based TG stories, one with a dragon that I quite liked. (Gamers pulled into dimension X taking on their game roles some of whom happen to be M2F ;)) strangely enough my main WoW characters are male at the moment. Before WoW I played CoH, all my characters were female. :D

Outside the urban centers in the UK I haven't seen any RPG groups meeting, if I lived in London or Edinbrugh I have standing invites to join a group :D

CoH = MMO by NCSoft City of Heroes (Spandex etc think Whateley)
WoW = MMO by Blizzard/Vivendi World of Warcraft (Orcs etc)

The Legendary Lost Ninja

RPGs revisited

Alrighty then, Let's try this. Have you ever read a story or seen a movie where you kept telling a character in that story, to or not do something. You know:, "don't open that door",or "run go get help". In an Role-playing game you are playing an role as a character in a story that's told by the Game-master (story teller). The Game-master tells you why your character is there, what's going around you, and what happens, when you do certain things. You get to decide what your character does, just like an actor in an play, but the action is free-for-all and moderated by the Game-master.There are rules to this game and the rule-books use math formulas to decide everything from how strong or fast your character is to how often someone can hit your character or you hit them. Dice were use to help determine statistical chances for various actions, such as combat, climbing, thieving, and ect. Geeks, smile when you say that, tend to be fans of Sci-fi and fantasy books, comics, TV shows, and movies. Games are full of references to all of the above usually as quotes or one-liners.
The Hey-day of RPG table gaming was in the 1980's and 1990's. It was a chance to escape and get together,talk trash and have fun. For TGers it was possible, for the most part, to play females, without anyone saying anything, because so few G-women played. You could get your "female" fix without the embarrassment of "dressing" and you could do it with your straight friends without being attacked. Playing male characters from time to time kept the status quo and playing someone different from yourself is part of the fun of the game. No winners or losers in this game; it's purpose is to just have fun. Game-masters are frustrated writers, for they write stories, but the characters in their stories are played by someone else, and you never know what a player is going to do!

Computers and consoles has taken the top-dog honors for RPGs now, because it can be tough getting four or more people together for a game every week. A computer, you just turn it on and play. No worries about the wife, work, and other real-life stuff. It does miss the human element and not even Massive Multi-player On-line (MMO)games make-up that loss. Atlas, sigh, the good ole days.

rpgs

I actually rarely D&Ded my brother did and I would on occasion join the group. The pace was never quite fast enough for me. I think he still runs the occasional game for my sister's family but they all grew up and moved away. He started gaiming before those kids were born so these have been around a long time. Yeah contimue this sounds like you have a place for it to go. Also for those with spelling grammer issues I offer my services as editor I have the skills for that but lack the ones for telling a story.

This Reminds Me...

...of the one time in Keith Laumer's Retief series where he got self-indulgent enough to write a story with no plot -- just a bunch of diplomats sitting around a table making attempts at prescribed nuanced facial expressions and tones of voice with varying degrees of success. Or something like that.

I kept waiting for something to happen in that one, too.

Eric

Waiting...

erin's picture

It's 900 words long, you didn't have to do that much waiting. :)

I remember that Retief story; it made a nice change from the sort of story where someone does something, then someone else does something, and then something happens and the problem is solved. :)

The nice thing about a short-short is that the form is too abbreviated for ordinary stories; one that stands out has to do it with technique or a unique twist.

With the technique I chose, I couldn't have much actually happen because there is no description, no narrative voice, no exposition -- just an attempt at a realistic-sounding dialog with a TG flavor.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

But there was LOADS happening...

.. almost.

Sorry, I've discovered this story rather late in the day. But I like it and must comment.

It's got every single character about to change gender - soon, maybe - and there are vast subcultural references together with very swift and concise character development leading up to everyone, well, chaging character - soon, maybe.
And that makes it the pithiest and most 100%-TG story ever, even more than the great shift stories which I seem to remember had characters who were unaffected.
So quite an achievement - 100% of characters in gender changeovers, yet in so few words ... or at least it will be 100%, soon... maybe.

Fabulous, Erin.
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