Marilyn's Impossible Dream, or She's So Pretty -- Chapter 4

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Marilyn's Impossible Dream, or She's So Pretty -- Chapter 5


By Katherine Day


Copyright 2010


How does a slender, pretty boy born in simpler time fulfill his need to be a girl! The story of Merritt Lane McGraw is the story of a time before the words “crossdresser” and “transgender” were in the vocabulary and a time before sexual assignment surgery was a possibility. What is Merritt to do?

(The story thus far: Merritt Lane McGraw was born in 1929 just as the Great Depression was beginning, a fragile lovely child born out of wedlock. His single mother finds a home as the house maid and nanny for a wealth youngish widow with two daughters, all of whom adore the beauty of Merritt. It is now 1935, and the boy’s mother, Evelyn, has found, for the first time since giving birth, a potential boy friend. Complications arise over the growing affections of her employer, the rich widow, Viola Buckner. Meanwhile, Merritt enjoys being treated and dressed as a “little sister” for the widow’s daughters. The boy’s obvious girlishness could be a problem during the unenlightened attitudes of the era.)

Chapter 4: More confusions

That night, after she got Merritt asleep in the adjoining room following an argument over whether he’d wear the new boy pajamas she had purchased for him or the long girl’s nightie he’d been wearing, she wriggled in bed, impatient with herself for not stifling the thoughts running in her head: thoughts about Viola’s growing affection to her and, also, continuing thoughts about her son and her ongoing task of turning this pretty boy into a boy ready for school.

After an hour of tossing in bed, she still couldn’t shake the troubled thoughts from her mind, and was considering arising to read herself to sleep in a chair.

There was a light knock at the door, and a tentative voice said: “Evie, dear, are you awake? May I come in?”

It was Viola, Evelyn realized, and after a moment, she responded, “Yes.”

Evelyn looked up, seeing her employer silhouetted in the half light from the hall, framed in the doorway. She struck a tall, stately figure, and Evelyn could see the woman was dressed in a sheer long nightgown that outlined her trim, almost boyish figure. Viola rivaled the great Katharine Hepburn in beauty, Evelyn thought. Both were athletic, trim and small-breasted; and both seemed to wear little makeup, exuding a natural femininity that excited Evelyn.

“May I sit next to you?” she asked, moving gracefully in sitting on the bed next to the prone Evelyn.

“Of course,” said Evelyn, welcoming the firm hand of Viola on her soft arm.

Viola leaned down and kissed Evelyn, catching the young woman by surprise. The kiss lingered and Evelyn smelled the light scent of perfume from Viola. It was obvious the older woman had showered and fixed her hair prior to this late night visit; Evelyn suspected the nightgown was a new one as well.
She wondered what was going on.

The kiss lingered on, and Evelyn found herself welcoming it, their lips pressing tightly and Evelyn reaching up to hold the older woman in her arms. Evelyn had become accustomed to brief hugs and kisses from the older woman and thought they were the hugs and kisses of two friends. Now, it seemed these were hugs and kisses of lovers.

Evelyn was in shock. She should reject this woman and send her from the room to end this sin from happening. But, she instead she held the woman tightly to her, marveling in the muscular back of the other woman.

“Oh darling,” Viola whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry for this afternoon. I was wrong.”

Evelyn lightened up on her hold on Viola, whispering back: “That’s OK, I shouldn’t have been late.”

Viola laughed a bit. “Oh you can be late, I really didn’t mind, it’s just that you met a boy.”

“Just for coffee and ice cream, Viola.”

“Oh I know, Evie, it’s just that I don’t want to lose you. I love you so much.”

The two tightened their grips on each other, their legs intertwining, with Evelyn’s ample breasts flopping against the sweet mounds of Viola’s chest. Viola began kissing and caressing the softness of Evelyn’s body, running her hands down her back to her buttocks, cupping them with her strong, slender fingers.

This must be love, Evelyn thought to herself. Two people finding great affection for the other’s body, Evelyn for the firmness and sinews of Viola and Viola finding comfort in the cushioning softness of Evelyn. They kissed for the longest time, and soon their fingers found each other’s vaginas and each worked the other’s into grunts of excitement as the wetness in both grew. Evelyn wanted to scream in ecstasy, something she never felt in her one earlier engagement with Drake Kosgrove. Only fear of awakening Merritt in the other room kept both women from yelling out loud.

Soon, Evelyn was asleep.

Evelyn awoke as the daylight began to seep into the room from the gap in the shades; Viola was asleep her firm body pressing tightly against her, their arms around each other. Evelyn lying on her right side realized her right arm was asleep, and gently sought to remove it from under the sleeping Viola.
It awakened the older woman, who looked puzzled at first and then realizing where she was, smiled and whispered, “I love you, Evie. So much.”

The two kissed, their once sweet breathes somewhat tainted by the morning sourness. Still, Evelyn felt Viola’s mouth tasted so good, so memorable. The taste of love, she smiled.

“I’m sorry I woke you Viola,” Evelyn said.

“I’m glad you did, Evie,” Viola said. “I better get back before Mary gets to the kitchen.”

“I guess.”

“I think Mary’s already suspecting something between us, since we’ve become so close.”

“But we’ve never done this before,” Evelyn protested.

“I know, but you Catholics can be such damnable purists, sometimes. It’s a wonder the Irish race doesn’t die out from lack of fucking.”

They both laughed.

Viola left the room quickly, quietly, and Evelyn turned onto her back looking at the ceiling and remembering the passionate caresses of Viola. They were so sweet. But the kisses and caressed between two women were a sin! Yet, she realized she had never felt as loved as she did with Viola. Her only other previous experience had been with Drake Kosgrove, and that had been a brief, frightening affair, in which Drake penetrated her roughly, ejected his fluids and removed himself from her embraces. Now, Evelyn wondered what it would feel like being in bed with Bob Casey.

*****
Over the next week, Viola took every opportunity she could to find Evelyn alone, to hold her hand and maybe to run a light finger up Evelyn’s soft white arms. It was obvious, too, that the older woman was taking more time to beautify herself each day, wearing stockings and shorter skirts to draw attention to her slim, firm legs.

“How do you like my dress today?” Viola asked one noon, as the two waited on the patio for lunch to be served by Mary.

Viola stood up, and modeled the outfit. The older woman was wearing a long sundress, yellow with pale blue and green flowers. It had a bid-like collar, with thick straps and bare arms. She had not put up her hair and the dark tresses flowed easily.

“Stunning, just stunning, Viola,” Evelyn said, with sincere praise.

“I wore it just for you, darling. I know how you like summery outfits,” she said, leaning down to kiss Evelyn, her lips moist and warm. The kiss lingered.

“Sorry to interrupt you two, but here’s your lunch,” announced Mary O’Hara, her voice sharp, bringing in a silver tray with salad, sandwiches and lemonade.

“Oh . . . ah . . . thank you, Mary,” Viola said, rising from the kiss and moving to her own chair.

Mary banged the tray down on the patio table in obvious displeasure at the show of affection between the two women.

“Ah, Mary, I was just thanking Evelyn for all she’s done for this household,” Viola said quickly. “She’s really been a gem for all of us, hasn’t she?”

Mary glowered at her employer, saying simply, and with obvious emphasis, “Yes, Evelyn has been a gem.” She turned on her heels and left.

“I guess Mary doesn’t believe in affection,” Viola said.

Evelyn nodded, saying nothing. Her concerns about kissing another woman — and perhaps even loving her — were growing; certainly in 1930s America such behavior was not condoned by her religion, her family or most other people.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the high lyrical voice of her five-year-old son who bounded onto the patio carrying Elizabeth’s Shirley Temple doll.

“Look mommy and Auntie Viola. I dressed Shirley so pretty,” he said holding the doll up for their inspection.

The boy was obviously pleased with his work, though he had buttoned the dress crookedly.

Viola took the lad in her lap, kissing him lightly and proceeded to unbutton and rebutton the dress properly. “There you go, darling.”

He hopped off Viola’s lap, turning to return to the house. “Now I’m going to dress Cathy,” he announced, referring to another of Elizabeth’s dolls.

Evelyn grabbed the boy’s arm, restraining him from returning to the house. “Elizabeth doesn’t want you playing with her dolls, honey.”

“Yes, she does mommy.”

“Oh let him, Evelyn,” Viola said. “Beth doesn’t mind. She’s about outgrown the dolls anyway.”

Evelyn scowled faintly at her employer, who seemed to be undermining her efforts to woo the boy away from his interest in dolls and into more boyish things.

“Let me go, mommy,” the boy pleaded.

Evelyn seeing the boy was about to cry, let go his arm and let him bound into the house. She was defeated, at least for the day.

“Evelyn, let him play with dolls,” Viola said after Merritt left. “He seems so happy.”

“I know, Viola, and he does look so cute in dresses, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, he’s such a pretty little girl when dressed,” Viola added.

“I know, but when he goes to school, he’ll be teased and bullied so badly. I really need to turn him into more of a boy.”

Viola was silent for a moment, beginning to attack her salad, taking a bite and chewing.

“I have a thought, Evelyn.”

“Yes?”

“I can enroll him into Riverdale County Day School, where they watch out closely for such bullying,” she said. “They separate the more tough boys from the more gentle ones, and boys like Merritt might be teamed up with girls for some activities. It’s a marvelous setting.”

“Oh that would be great, but I can’t pay the tuition for him.”

“But I can,” she said. “I could even get a scholarship for him, I think.”

“Oh, I can’t ask you to do that,” Evelyn said. “You’ve been so generous to me already.”

“Oh posh, I got the money, why can’t I spend it on someone I love,” she said, leaning over close to Evelyn now and whispering, “I love you so much and I want you to be happy, Evelyn.”

Evelyn was speechless, and she felt the older woman’s hand grasp her thigh under the table. It was a tough offer to refuse. She had felt Merritt would have to go to the public grade school where there were lots of “tough” boys and she worried that Merritt’s gentleness would cause him all sorts of harm.

“Ahem,” said Mary coming onto the patio. “Anything I can get you two ladies?”

Her tone was hard and unforgiving. Mary O’Hara knew what was happening, and she was not happy. She resolved to do something about it.

*****
It was Elizabeth’s closest girl friend, Annette, coming almost daily to the house on those summer days, who continued to suggest they dress Merritt up as a little girl. The boy seemed to excited every time the slender girl arrived, skipping into Elizabeth’s room or the downstairs playroom where they often played, snuggling up to the visitor.

“Brush my hair, Annette,” the boy said when Annette arrived in the early evening for a sleepover at the Buckner household.

“Sure, come here little Merry,” the girl beckoned.

Elizabeth objected, “No, we better not. Mom’ll get mad.”

“She’s so adorable,” Annette said, continuing to refer to Merritt as a little girl.

The boy stood patiently as his longish hair was brushed. Annette spent about 10 minutes brushing the light brown hair, so fine and straight, finally finishing and placing a light purple hairband on the boy’s head.

The boy ran to a mirror, posed in an exaggerated feminine manner, brushing the hair daintily with his hands, smiling at the sight of the pretty face looking back at him.

“I want pretty lips,” he said.

“You shouldn’t Annette,” warned Elizabeth.

“Oh I’ll just put on a light shade, no one will notice.”

Elizabeth scowled as she watched her friend fuss over the boy; she was torn between helping Annette prettify the youngster and the demands of Evelyn and her mother to quit treating him as a little girl. She had to agree with Annette that “little Merry” indeed was adorable.

“Where’s that cute party dress we put on her in last week?” Annette asked when she was completed with the makeup.

“It’s here, but we really shouldn’t.”

“Oh c’mon.”

“Yes, Bethie, let me be pretty,” the boy said, his voice high and lyrical.

Elizabeth broke down, going to her closet and bringing it out. They were in the midst of putting it on over his head when the door opened.

“What are you girls doing?” It was Viola.

“Oh mommy!” squealed Elizabeth.

“Mrs. Buckner, don’t blame them. I did it. I wanted Merry so pretty.”

Annette finished with setting the dress on Merritt’s slight frame, brushing out the wrinkles with her hand.

“Do I look pretty?” Merritt asked, oblivious to the drama that was likely to erupt around him.

Viola looked at the boy, standing in the white and pink fluffy dress, looking as the girls had said earlier, “just adorable.”

“Yes, honey, you look very pretty,” she said, welcoming the boy into her arms.

“Mommy, he wanted to be pretty,” Elizabeth said.

“I know honey, but you know his mother doesn’t want you doing that anymore.”

Turning to Annette, Viola said sternly. “I know you are Bethie’s best friend, and I like you, but you can’t come in here and disobey the house rules.”

“I know, Mrs. Buckner. I won’t anymore.”

“If you do you’ll be banished from this house. Remember that.”

Viola turned on her heel, taking Merritt by the hand and led him out of the room.

*****
Evelyn was enraged when Viola led the boy into the sewing room, when she was hemming up a gown for Viola who was invited to a Country Club Ball on the next Saturday night. Since her husband’s death, Viola maintained a quiet social life, choosing to attend only those charity events and other outings that were required of a woman who was one of the members of a leading family of Riverdale. Evelyn enjoyed coaching the older woman in dressing up, since Viola took little interest in clothes or even makeup.

“Viola,” she asked, trying hard to mask her anger at seeing Merritt dressed again as a girl. “What’s going on here? I thought we agreed we’d not dress him up?”

Merritt, mystified at his mother’s anger, began to cry, words coming haltingly, “Mommy . . . don’t you (sobs) think I’m pretty?”

Evelyn took the boy in her arms, his tears bringing her to stifle her anger. She brushed his hair lovingly and his tears soon stopped.

“Yes, honey, you’re very pretty,” she said, turning to Viola.

“I’m sorry Evelyn, but Bethie and Annette thought he wanted to be pretty. I had told them you didn’t want that, but they love the boy so much.”

“I know, but I don’t know how we’ll prepare him for school,” Evelyn said. “He can stay dressed like this for the rest of the day, Viola, but we have to stop this now. Let him go play with the girls, if they still want him around.”

Viola smiled, taking Merritt by the hand, adding: “I’m sure they will.”

*****
It was with mixed feelings that Evelyn prepared herself for bed that night; she was eager for the second night in a row to again feel the strong body of Viola Buckner next to hers, to feel her lips and the older woman’s firm hands caressing her own smooth curves. She was eager for the excitement that it aroused in her, excitement to a level she had never before experienced.

That expectation was tempered, however, with the feeling that she was committing a sin; she still took her Catholic faith seriously, and she felt, without any knowledge to the contrary, that it was sinful for two women to have sex, even to kiss passionately or hug. She, too, was still angry at Viola’s daughter for going against her orders and dressing Merritt as a girl.

Viola was expected to visit her again, once she felt Merritt and her two girls would be asleep for the night.

Evelyn took a long warm bath, using a special soothing soap Viola had provided. It left a scent that was vaguely reminiscent of blooming lilacs, and she knew it would likely excite the older woman greatly. She donned a freshly laundered shorty nightgown, which she felt was a “naughty” nightgown not to be worn by nice girls of the era.

She soon lay on her bed, awaiting the arrival of her lover. Viola silently arrived as expected, and Evelyn found the loving ever more endearing.

*****
Over the next ten days, the nightly visits continued and the two women never seemed to tire of each other’s company. They had a brief discussion about Merritt on the second night after the dressing incident in which Evelyn said she was firm in not wanting the girls to encourage the boy in his girlish pursuits. Viola protested mildly, noting how happy the boy seemed to be as a girl, but readily gave in to Evelyn’s urging, recognizing that the younger woman was right: Going to school in the year 1935 with girlish mannerisms would doom the boy to endless harassment.

On the tenth night of their love-making, following a particularly intense session, Evelyn mentioned to Viola that she needed to take the following afternoon off. It was a Wednesday, and she wanted to return the book to the library.

“I can drop the book off for you,” Viola countered.

“No that’s all right. I’d like to check out another book.”

“I can find you one you’d like, Evie,” she said smiling.

“Oh, I’d like the day off, Viola. We’re all caught up here.”

“You just want to see that boy, I know.”

Viola voice took on a crispness that almost bordered on being nasty.

“Maybe,” Evelyn conceded sheepishly. “But he may not even be there.”

“No, you stay home,” Viola said. “I’ll return your book and get you any one you like.”

Sensing her employer’s stern tone, Evelyn nodded her head.

“Come let me hug you some more,” Viola said.

Evelyn was no longer in the mood for the older woman’s love-making, but she said nohing and resigned herself to another half hour; she faked her own passion, but somehow it wasn’t the same. Viola, to her credit, recognized the limpness in Evelyn’s reactions, and soon left the younger woman’s bed.

Evelyn cried herself to sleep.

*****
It had been over a month since Evelyn had visited her parents’ home, and she realized how much she missed them and her brother Frank. Yet, her emotions were conflicted, still not wishing to visit her family due to her father’s intransigent feelings toward Merritt, and the boy’s obvious girlishness.

Her mother continued to write her almost daily about happenings at the house, and expressing her love for her daughter and grandson, telling them how much she missed them.

“You can come home any day now, Evelyn,” her mother wrote near the end of the month long separation. “Your father said he loves you and Merritt and that he won’t interfere in the boy’s life, or yours. Please, Evelyn.”

Evelyn accepted the invitation, and arranged to visit the following Sunday, with Mike O’Hara driving her to the family home and later returning to pick the two up.

During the 20-minute drive from the wealthy neighborhood to the McGraw home in the flats, Mike said softly to Evelyn, “I talked to your father at the tavern the other night, Evie.”

“Oh, and how was he?”

“Fine, he’s getting in more hours at the tavern now, and I think he likes that. You know, he really loves you and Merritt. Really.”

“I suppose he does, but I find it hard to forgive him,” she said. Evelyn had told the O’Hara’s how her father had destroyed Merritt’s Shirley Temple doll.

“I told him what a nice boy Merritt is and how I’ve taken him fishing and even tossed a ball with him, and Tom seemed to like to hear that.”

“That’s nice of you, Mike.”

“I’m glad you’re going to see him. Your father’s really a prince.”

“We’ll see,” Evelyn said, her stomach churning in tenseness, awaiting the reception she and Merritt would get from her father.

Her mother greeted the pair warmly, hugging both as they entered the living room; she summoned Thomas McGraw from the basement where he had been building a birdhouse and Frank from his bedroom.

Frank arrived first, giving a grunted, “Hi, Sis,” typical of his teenage boy behavior.

“Hello Evelyn,” the voice of her father was strained and tight. Turning to Merritt, he said, “Come shake my hand, young man.”

Merritt had been hanging onto his mother’s skirt for dear life, turning his face into her body, clearly fearing his grandfather.

“Go, honey, grandpa won’t bite,” Evelyn said.

The boy, who had been dressing in brown corduroy knickers and a dark blue shirt, his longish hair laying straight but neatly combed, still clung to his mother.

“I’m happy to see you again, Merritt,” her father said, his voice gaining a kinder tone. “Mr. O’Hara tells me he took you fishing. What did you catch, boy?”

Merritt snuck a look at his grandfather, saw him beckoning to the boy. With a gentle shove from his mother, Merritt walked over to his grandfather, ready to shake hands.

“How nice you look today, Merritt,” his grandfather said, taking the boy’s proffered hand, engulfing it lightly into his own. “Now tell me what you caught.”

“A boogill,” he said finally.

“Yes, and he wanted to keep the fish alive and give it a name,” Evelyn said.

The family all laughed, and the tension in the room seemed to ease a bit.

Frank led the boy into his room, where the two played with the older boy’s cars (which Frank had gotten down from the closet for the occasion) and had a game of “Old Maid” cards. Frank seemed to take easily to the boy and Merritt joined into the occasion, while the adults sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee.

As they about to get ready to leave, Frank and Merritt entered the kitchen laughing about something,, and the older boy asked: “Can I take Merritt to the movies some Saturday?”

“Sure that would be nice, Frank,” Grandma McGraw said. “That’s if it’s OK with your sister.”

“That would be so nice, Frank,” Evelyn said. “What did you want to see?”

“Merritt said he likes Shirley Temple movies, and there’s one starting this week at the Tivoli,” Frank said.

“What?” a derisive tone reflected in Thomas McGraw’s voice. “I thought he was over that . . . ah . . .”

“Now, Thomas,” Pat McGraw said in a stern voice to her husband. “It’s just a movie and all the kids like Shirley Temple.”

Merritt, sensing new tensions, seemed about to cry, and Evelyn was shocked at how fast the sweetness of the afternoon was quickly turning sour.

“Oh,” Thomas McGraw said, sensing he was perhaps out-of-line, quickly sought to soothe the mood. “That’s great Frank.”

“They’re showing Bright Eyes,” Frank said.

“She sings ‘On the Good Ship Lollipop’ in that one, father,” Evelyn said.

“Yeth,” Merritt said, jumping for joy.

Before they left, Merritt even jumped on his grandfather’s lap, who tickled him a bit, even kissing the boy.

“He’s a swell kid, Evelyn,” her father said as the two hugged, just before they left, headed for the Buckner limousine.

Evelyn had tears in her eyes, as she joined Mike in the front seat of the vehicle for the ride back to the estate. She was so happy that her family had accepted her; yet, she had lingering fears that there were difficult times ahead for her lovely son.


(To Be Continued)

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Lemonade stands everywhere

Andrea Lena's picture

...cracker jack bands fill the air, and tales like this as sweet as any! Thanks for this once again.



Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena