(The Story Thus Far: Born out of wedlock in 1929, Merritt Lane McGraw has spent nearly all of his first five years with his mother while she worked as a live-in maid and nanny for a wealthy young widow and her two daughters. Merritt’s mother, Evelyn, found herself in a torrid love affair with Viola Buckner, her employer, while the women’s daughters loved to treat Merritt as a little girl. Merritt was becoming more and more like a girl. To escape the demanding sexual encounters with her employer (which Evelyn feels is sinful) and to take her son away from the feminine atmosphere of the estate, Evelyn left the Buckners and returned home to live with her parents. She soon married Bob Casey, the library clerk and former high school classmate, and they have moved into a second floor apartment above a craft and sewing supply store. Merritt’s days of enjoying “girl time” appear to have ended now that there’s a man in the house.

(Merritt’s stepfather has gone off to war, and was killed in the terriblebattle of Tarawa in November, 1943, posthumously being awarded the Navy Cross. Merritt’s mother meantime has taken a job in a war plant making parachutes, and Merritt takes over her dress-making business, which he finds to be a natural fit. Now a high school student, he finds comfort only in being a girl, but still seeks to fit in as a boy.)

Chapter 15: The New Years Eve Party

“Make yourself beautiful, my darling Marilyn,” his mother announced when she arrived home after her visit with Viola. She was addressing her son, Merritt, calling him "Marilyn," the name he used sometimes. It was the afternoon of New Years Eve.

Merritt was curled up on the couch, legs tucked under, reading Louisa May Alcott's “Little Women.” He was already in a slip, his hair pinned up with a scarf wrapped around his neck. He had fluffy pink slippers on and had a soft light blue blanket warming his slender body against the coolness in the apartment.

“Oh, mommy, I was hoping you'd want me to be Marilyn tonight,” he said, his voice light and airy, a quality he was adapting to lessen its maleness.

“I know, honey, but we're not staying home tonight,” she replied. “We're invited to a New Years Eve party at Viola's.”

“Really, and you want me to go as 'Marilyn?'” he asked.

“Yes, honey, and I hope you want to go.”

“I do, mommy, but dressed as a girl for all those people?” he asked, since he had been careful not to be dressed as a girl in public.

“Yes, dear. It'll be OK, since this is an all-girl's party. No men invited. And frankly no one will ever see you as a boy. I'm sure.”

Merritt blushed, hoping his mother was correct.

“Will Beth be there?”

“I think so, and both she and Viola are so eager to see you as the pretty young girl you are.”

Merritt put down his book, and spurted up to hug his mother firmly. His mother always felt so soft and comfortable to him; as she had entered her mid-thirties, his mother and put on a few pounds and her breasts had grown and he loved to lay his head upon them. She held the boy, her hands soft upon his slender upper arms.

*****
“Here's my Merry,” an enthusiastic Elizabeth Buckner greeted Merritt and his mother when they arrived at the Buckner household for the New Years Eve party.

Merritt beamed at the greeting, so happy to see Beth, now a recent college graduate who had found a job working as a reading specialist in the public school system.

“Take off that coat and let me look at you, darling,” Beth said. “You look like a Russian peasant in that babushka and those heavy boots.”

Having just come in from the below-zero wintry night, Merritt was still wrapped in a heavy cloth coat, with a wool scarf protecting his ears from the cold. Since the frigid weather had followed a snow storm of a day earlier and there were still piles and drifts of snow to navigate, both Merritt and his mother wore snow boots and carried their heels in separate bags.

Both Merritt and his mother wore black cocktail dresses, nearly matching in style. They had shoulder padding, in the style of the years, and short, puffed sleeves, but a high neckline; the dresses ended just above the knees, as was normal during the World War II period, as dresses tended be short on the supposed belief that they saved cloth that could be used for the nation's fighting troops. Merritt's short light brown hair was bobbed, helping to accentuate his smooth, fine-featured face. His lipstick was bright red, along with light rouge on his face.

“Merry, you're just lovely,” Beth gushed. “Go sit there, and I'll help you off with the boots and your heels.”

“I think she likes to be called 'Marilyn,'” Viola, who had just entered the foyer, instructed her daughter.

“Isn't she so sweet, mother?” Beth asked.

“Of course, she is,” Viola said. “She always was a pretty girl, and now even moreso.”

“Now, now,” Evelyn warned. “Don't praise her too much. She'll get a big head.”

“I bet she's the loveliest girl in her class,” Beth argued.

“And no one here will know you're a boy,” Viola said. “Only Beth and myself.”

Merritt sat on the bench and Beth kneeled, taking his legs one at a time in her hands, and carefully removing the boots. He wore tan sheer nylons, with back seams showing. He had carefully maneuvered the stockings as he put them on to assure the seams would be straight.

Beth took one foot in her hand, holding it, massaging it lightly. The action excited Merritt, and his penis hardened. He felt her fingers work on the slender foot, and then felt her other hand work up the leg, almost encompassing his narrow ankles, and massaging the firm, but undeveloped calf. He squirmed, wishing she'd hurry up to put on his heels before his penis would become uncontrollable, though he enjoyed the feel. He loved looking at his legs, which he knew were those of a girl, being so smooth and unmuscular.

Beth finished the task, and Merritt settled down; he looked carefully at the young woman as she assisted him. Beth was light-complexioned, wore little makeup, and wore a simple flowing peasant skirt and blouse, looking almost plain in comparison to himself.

“Come let's meet the group,” she invited Merritt, helping him to his feet, now garbed with black pumps in three-inch heels.

They first came upon a young woman, also about Beth's age, who was squarely built, a bit chunky and with short hair.

“This is my friend, Jamie,” Beth said, as she introduced Merritt as “Marilyn McGraw.”

Jamie kissed Merritt lightly on the cheek, giving him a hug, and Merritt felt momentarily weak in her strong embrace.

“Jamie is my roommate in town,” Beth announced.

The rest of the group included two other pairs of women, each pair seated tightly next to each other. There were small cups of what Merritt believed to be egg nog and small sweets on the coffee tables before them. Viola and Evelyn also sat together on a love seat.

A girl, who appeared to be about Merritt's age, sat alone on a side chair, with a dining room chair empty next to her.

“Let me introduce you to Dolores,” Beth said. “She's the daughter of Mrs. Graham here. Maybe you two girls will enjoy each other.”

Merritt looked at the girl, a slightly beefy girl with a round red face, wearing a plaid, pleated skirt, white blouse and no makeup. She had firm legs and wore white socks with saddle shoes, looking very much like a schoolgirl in contrast to Merritt's own more sophisticated look. But, he noticed the girl had a sweet smile and sparkling eyes.

He took the seat, while Beth and her friend sat on the floor, propped up against cushions.

Soon conversation developed, and Merritt learned Dolores also went to Our Lady of the Angels Academy, where Merritt's two friends, Donna Mae and Edith, attended.

“That's a pretty dress,” Dolores commented, apparently more to make conversation than any real curiousity.

“Thank you,” he said.

“And your mom's, too. Where did you get them.”

Merritt hesitated, answering, “We made them, mom and I.”

“You did? That's nice,” she said. “I can't sew a lick.”

“I like it,” Merritt said truthfully. “I love creating dresses and skirts and stuff.”

“You designed these?”

“Well, I modified a pattern.”

“You have lovely hands, Marilyn,” Dolores said. “Mine are so fat and clunky, I think it's holding me back on my piano playing.”

The two girls drank a few cokes, and talked about their schools; Merritt learned that Dolores knew Donna Mae and Edith both, and played basketball with Donna Mae. He could see that Dolores and Donna Mae could both be athletic; he had seen both Donna Mae and Edith only once over the Christmas vacation, the two other girls having developed new friendships in their new school. Merritt knew he'd have to contact both Donna Mae and Edith and alert them to his conversations with Dolores in case she discussed it when school resumed. He's sure that they'd play along with his girl-role if warned in advance.

As the clocked approached midnight, the group all rose, holding their glasses high, and when the hour was reached, they toasted the New Year, following that up with lots of hugging and kissing. His kisses with Dolores were awkward, and soon he found himself engulfed in the strong arms of Jamie, Beth's good friend. She held him captive, it seemed, as she voraciously kissed his mouth and he felt her hand wander toward his crotch.

“You're such a luscious girl,” Jamie whispered in his ear. “I want you.”

The embrace was ended when Beth intervened, breaking the two apart, warning her friend quietly, “She's only 15, so hands off.” Only Merritt and Jamie heard the warning.

Jamie muttered something unintelligible, and the two wandered off hand-in-hand, before Merritt found himself in his mother's arms, and the two kissed as two lovers would kiss. It was a lovely way to bring in the New Year of 1945.

*****
As might be expected, everyone, except the two teens, Merritt and Dolores, drank too much. Evelyn elected not to drive home, and it was agreed they'd spend the night with Viola and Beth. Also Dolores and her mother along with her mother's friend would also stay.

“Would you two girls mind sleeping together, tonight?” Viola asked Merritt and Dolores.

“That's OK,” Dolores quickly agreed.

Merritt, unsure of how it would work and whether he could continue to hide his penis, hesitated, finally nodding yes. He felt Dolores had a naíveté and shyness about sex that would prevent her from being too curious about what was present in his crotch.

“Beth has nighties for both of you, as well as change of undies for the morning, dears,” Viola said.

Merritt knew that his mother and Viola would sleep together, since they had revived a steady habit of being together once Evelyn's period of mourning over Bob had ended.

The two girls were assigned to sleep in his mother's old room, where a larger than normal double bed had been installed. The room had a strong feminine touch, being painted white, with pink woodwork and light blue accents.

“This room is so pretty, Marilyn,” Dolores said once the two had been settled in bed.

“Yes, my mom used to have this room when we lived her, but it wasn't as nice as this. I wonder who usually stays here.”

Merritt tried closing his eyes to go to sleep, but all he could think about was the girl lying next to him. He was on his side, and he heard her change positions, and he opened his eyes to see she was looking into his eyes, there being enough light drifting in from the moonlight reflecting upon the new snow.

“Are you awake,” Dolores asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“You're so pretty Marilyn,” the girl said. “I bet you have lots of boy friends.”

“Not really, mother doesn't want me to date yet,” Merritt replied.

“No boy friends?”

“Well, there's one boy, and he's nice, but we've never gone on a date,” he admitted, referring to Bill Johnson.

“I'll never get a date,” Dolores said. “I'm too fat and ugly.”

“Oh yes you will, Dolores, you're such a sweet person,” he responded quickly. “And you're not fat. You're so strong and so good at sports, I bet.”

The girl was silent, finally admitting she was captain of the girl's lacrosse team at Our Lady of the Angels Academy.

“Could you help make me pretty, Marilyn?”

“I suppose I could, Dolores. I know something about dresses and such and makeup.”

“I know you do, Marilyn. Beth told me you made those dresses you and your mom wore tonight. And you're both so pretty.”

“Sure let's get together some day, and we'll have some fun.”

“Oh I love you Marilyn,” Dolores said exuberantly, and quickly kissing Merritt on the mouth.

Her kisses this time was more alive and passionate, and Merritt liked the feel of her lips, and he returned the kiss strongly, taking her in his arms, and dragging her next to him. Their kisses grew intense and Merritt ran his hands around her strong shoulders, feeling the rippling muscles of her back and shoulders. He suddenly felt so weak and defenseless in her arms, and succumbed to her advances.

Her body which at first had smelled of fresh soap now became sweaty and slippery, and she grabbed his arms, her large hands able to nearly encircle his tender, soft and slender biceps.

His penis grew hard, and even though it was not large, he feared that Dolores would soon feel the erection against her body; and he was beginning to hurt. He needed her to quit; yet he didn't want her to stop.

The bed rocked, and Dolores' moaning became more and more impassioned; finally she stopped and he felt something wet and warm at his crotch area. Was he ejaculating, he wondered. No, it was Dolores, she had become wet, the passion having made her own juices come.

“Oh,” the girl said suddenly, quickly rolling off him.

“What happened?” she asked. “I must have wet my pants.”

“It's OK,” Merritt said.

“I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry.”

Merritt assured her it was OK, and just normal.

“Really?” she asked, her naíveté obvious to the boy. “I've never kissed anyone before except mother.”

“I've not done much kissing myself,” he admitted.

“Is it wrong for two girls to kiss?” she asked.

“Not if they like each other,” he said, “And I like you.”

“And I like you.”

“And you're so strong, you can protect me,” he giggled, as he pressed his body against his friend.

“And you're so weak and need protection,” she laughed.

“What a pair!”

*****
It was nearly eight on the New Years Day morning before the sun made an appearance, glistening across the white expanse of snow on the Buckner vast yard. The house was bright, and chilly, the temperature kept down to preserve coal so vital to the war effort.

Reluctantly, Merritt left the comfort of Dolores’ arms, padding his feet into the fluffy slippers and making his way to the bathroom, shivering in the coolness of the house. His face was red, his eyes a bit puffy, but he felt so excited by his time in bed with this athletic, sweet girl.

Taking off his nightie, and standing there in panties only, he examined himself in the mirror, look at his smooth, white body, so slender and soft. How a girl could be so much stronger than he was, he wondered. He even flexed his arm to see if he could raise a muscle, but the bicep remained flat, without tone. “I must really be a girl,” he mused, smiling at the realization.

As he gave himself a sponge bath, and brushed his hair, he wondered how long he could continue to pose as a girl for his new friend. He truly enjoyed the few hours they had known each other, and he knew she would eventually learn of his gender, a thought that horrified him. He wanted to keep her friendship, but he knew she’d likely feel deceived after he had posed totally as a girl, and had shared a bed with her. True, nothing sexual happened; their affection for one another had consisted of only kisses and cuddles, but he sensed a real awareness of each other’s presence and warmth had developed.

“Mom, I like her so much,” he confessed to his mother as they drove home along the lake front drive, car exhausts rising into large puffs of white smoke in the frigid still air. A white layer fog blanketed the waters of Lake Michigan, and the lake was fringed with dunes of ice sculptures created by waves crashing onto the shore.

“She seemed to like you, too, dear,” his mother said, concentrating on her driving since a layer of “black ice” had developed on the asphalt, forcing caution against sudden turns or stops.

“We like each other, and she liked how pretty I was and wants me to help make her more pretty,” he said. “I told her I would. She knows nothing about clothes or makeup.”

“I’m sure you can teach her plenty.”

“But she thinks I’m a girl,” he lamented. “What will happen when she finds out?”

His mother didn’t respond, slowing down as they approached scores of parked cars along the drive and a huge number of people gathered on the cold beach sand. “It must be the polar bears, Marilyn,” his mother said, still using his girl’s name.

“Polar bears? Oh, those crazy people who swim on New Years Day here?” he queried.

“Yes, them,” she answered, smiling.

“Do girls also jump in the water?”

“I think there are some, but mainly it’s guys, usually still drunk from last night.”

“I couldn’t do that,” he said.

“Nor I honey,” his mother agreed.

Later, at home, Merritt donned a polka dot frock that went to his ankles, wearing plain pumps with low heels. He had a violet wool sweater over the frock, since the Swenson’s also kept the heat down in the two apartments over the store.

“Mom,” he said, raising the subject of Dolores again. “I think she wants me to take her shopping before vacation is over to help her buy clothes. She’s really doesn’t know how to dress and I guess her mom’s no help.”

“As I said, you probably know more about how to dress and do makeup than any girl in school.”

“I know, mom, but I’m still a boy. Oh, mom. How will she act when I tell her I’m a boy?”

“I don’t know, honey, but she’ll be shocked at first, since she knows you only as a girl. But, she may accept the idea, or reject you totally.”

“I know.”

His mother pondered the question further. “You know she seems very kind and smart, Marilyn, and I don’t think she’d want to hurt you. So whatever she does, I think she’ll be nice about it.”

Merritt smiled, realizing that Dolores seemed considerate and understanding in their moments together. It was true, too, that her own innocense and humbleness would indicate she’d be kind and understanding. If he wanted to keep her as a friend, he knew he would have to tell her the truth, and soon; he might still lose her friendship, but he realized that was the only way to go.

Chapter 16: A Night at the Movies

“It’s for you, honey,” Evelyn yelled to her son.

Still in the polka dot frock, with no makeup on and his hair pinned up, Merritt had been trying to read “Little Women,” but his fatigue from the night at Viola Buckner’s home had tired him, and he had snoozed. He lay on the living room couch, and his mother had covered him with a baby blue blanket.

“Uh huh,” he awoke with a start.

Taking a minute to orient himself, he wandered to the kitchen where the phone stood on a sideboard.

“Hello,” he said.

“Marilyn, it’s Edith,” came the high voice of his friend from junior high school.

“Hi Edie,” he replied. “I’ve been sleeping. Mom took me to a party last night.”

“Oh, did you have fun?”

Merritt mumbled that, yes, he had fun, but at first was reluctant to add more information. Instead he inquired, “What did you do last night?”

“Oh nothing,” she replied. “Wayne had to stay home last night, and today his family is visiting an uncle. I’ve hardly seen him this vacation.”

Edith was referring to Wayne Corrigan, a boy who was a junior at Riverdale West. Both she and Donna Mae had developed boy-girl friendships with boys who had been with them at Gould Junior High.

“Donna and Lloyd went to a movie, I guess,” Edith explained.

“Can I ask you something?” Merritt said, impulsively.

“”Sure.”

“Do you know Dolores Graham at your school?”

“I know about her, Marilyn,” Edith replied, using his girl’s name, as she had done in private with him for several months now. It sounded like Edith’s reply contained a hint of a laugh.

“What’s wrong with her?” Merritt asked defensively.

“Oh nothing, I don’t know her very well, she’s a junior. Why do you ask?”

“I met her last night at a party.”

“Oh, did you talk with her?”

“Yes, I thought she was nice, but she knew me only as ‘Marilyn.’”

“And she doesn’t know you’re a boy?” Edith answered, unsuccessfully suppressing a giggle.

“Yes, and I hope you and Donna Mae never let her know that I’m a boy.”

“Oh, you want us to lie?” his friend teased.

“Come on, Edith, it’s important. And, you promised.”

“Well, I guess you’re more a girl anyway, and we’ll keep it our secret.”

“Thank you, Edie. I’ll always love you and Donna Mae. You’re my best friends.”

“Yeah, that’s why I called. Wanna go to a movie tonight? With Donna Mae and me and you as Marilyn?”

“Just like when we were at Gould. Yes, I’ll check with mom, but I think I can go.”

“Good, can you meet me at my house about 6:30?”

“Yes, but what’s so funny about Dolores?”

“Oh nothing,” Edith protested. “Did you like her?”

“Yes, I did, but she seems a bit different from most girls,” Merritt volunteered.

“I’d say she is,” Edith replied, pausing in her answer. “The story at Angels is that she’s dyke.”

“A dyke?”

“Don’t you know what a dyke is? Sometimes, Marilyn I think you’re so dumb. A dyke is a girl who likes girls and not boys.”

“Oh,” he answered. “You mean like she’s ‘queer?’”

“Like that, dummy, only ‘queer’ usually refers to boys.”

“But she’s very nice, Edie,” Merritt said. “She’s smart, too, but she’s not much of a dresser, and she’s so strong.”

“Well, I don’t know for sure, but that’s what’s going around school.”

“Maybe just ‘cause she’s in sports,” he reasoned.

“Maybe.”

“Anyway, you and Donna Mae must keep my secret. OK?”

“Yes, Marilyn,” Edith replied. “I’ll see you tonight.”

*****
Merritt had never felt as totally girlish as he did after he hung up the phone; he realized as he spoke with Edith, he stood in the kitchen, leaning against the door jamb, his legs crossed and his free hand daintily playing with his hair. After an evening of being Marilyn with a group of women and another girl and of being accepted totally as a 15 year old girl, his excitement was growing.

His mother must have noticed how feminine her son was acting, he thought, since he noticed how she looked at his behavior during the conversation. Even his voice, he believed, had taken on girlish inflections and moved to a softer, higher register.

“What did Edith want?” his mother asked.

“She wants me to join her and Donna Mae to go to the movies tonight.”

“I guess that’s OK, but you better dress warm,” Evelyn said. “It’s going to be well below zero tonight.”

“I know mom, but we’re just going to the Tivoli,” he said, mentioning a neighborhood movie house, located a short four blocks away.

“You’ll have to wear those wool pants and your long johns tonight.”

“No mom, I can’t. I’m going as Marilyn tonight.”

“As Marilyn? Are you crazy? You’ve never gone out in public as Marilyn, and I don’t think you chance it.”

“Oh mom, why not? No one thought I was a boy last night.”

His mother shook her head in a negative motion. “You’ll be in the general public, and you know you might run into kids from your school there, too. And, what will happen then?”

“Mom, I’ll wear heavy white cotton hose, and that long wool skirt, and the long coat,” he said. “And with the babushka, I’ll just look like one of the other girls.”

“You probably will look that way, too, dear, but what happens when you meet up with some kids from school? What will Donna Mae and Edith say?”

“I’ll be their girl cousin from Green Bay or somewhere, visiting for the holidays.”

“I don’t know honey,” she said. “Don’t you think you’re taking this Marilyn thing too far? I said only in the house.”

“But you let me dress last night for your friends,” he argued.

“That was different,” Evelyn replied. “You were with my friends and they’re all open-minded about stuff like this, even if they figured the lovely girl before them was a boy. You were so pretty last night.”

Evelyn finally gave in, hoping against hope that she didn’t make a mistake, and that Merritt, as Marilyn, would have a safe evening.

*****
Merritt’s excitement grew in anticipation of venturing into the public as Marilyn for the first time. His mother was right; if anyone saw him and recognized him as Merritt, there’d be terrible consequences. Boys of that era just didn’t dress up as girls; they were to be strong and masculine and ready to bear arms in defense of their country, still in the midst of a terrible World War. There would be shame and humiliation not only to himself, but to his mother.

Yet, he felt so natural in being a girl in public, or anywhere for that matter.

He got out of the apartment and across the alley to Donna Mae’s house without meeting anyone; the streets were quiet on this frigid New Years evening and most people were home sleeping off last night’s revelries and staying in out of the cold.

As if on cue, Donna Mae left her flat and walked into the alley in time to meet Merritt so he didn’t have to ring her bell and meet her mother, who still didn’t know about Merritt’s dressing; she merely thought the boy, Donna Mae told him, was just a bit of a “fairy,” a favored word for homosexuals of the era. She accepted Merritt’s behavior because of her friendship with Evelyn and because she knew he was a safe friend for her daughter.

“Mom almost wanted me to wear snow pants,” Donna Mae said, as the two met. “Are those heavy stockings you’re wearing?”

“Yes, but it still feels cold,” he said, his voice a bit squeaky.

“Let’s run then,” she said. Donna Mae was wearing a long coat, snow boots and wool socks, leaving only a small part of her calves exposed.

“Oh, look at Marilyn,” squealed Edith, who had been waiting on her front porch for the pair as they arrived.

“This is my first time out as Marilyn,” he said. “You girls will have to protect me.”

“Don’t worry,” said Donna Mae, her words accompanied by the clouds of breath hitting the cold air as she spoke. “We’ll say you’re my cousin Marilyn from Green Bay.”

“Besides, you look so cute,” Edith said. “I’m afraid all the boys will look at you, not us.”

Merritt smiled, though he was tense and nervous as they approached the theater. “But you both already got boy friends,” he said, somewhat easing his tension as his two friends laughed.

There was a short line at the movie house ticket office, mainly of teens, with a few older folks mixed in. The feature that night was “Anchors Aweigh,” with Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly, and it was Sinatra that the girls wanted to see. He had excited girls from the ages of 12 to 18 throughout the country, and Donna Mae and Edith had joined in the audience of squealing, giddy girls that had filled the Riverside Theater several years ago when Sinatra appeared with the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra.

Several boys who appeared to be about their own age stood at the end of the line that the three friends joined, and Merritt noticed several of them looking directly at him, two of them smiling broadly, while whispering conspiratorially to each other. Merritt averted their not so discreet glances, turning to look at Donna Mae and Edith. He had noticed the two boys had not paid attention to either of his friends, and seemed to focusing their eyes upon him.

Did the two boys suspect he was not a girl? He began wondering whether to bolt the line and run home. His heart seemed to pick up a beat and he felt his face grow flushed.

Donna Mae and Edith had been talking about the live appearance of Sinatra, giggling over how his singing and performing had excited them.

“I think those two guys know,” Merritt whispered, interrupting their conversation.

“What?” Edith said.

“That I’m not a girl.”

“Don’t be silly,” Edith said. “They probably think you’re cute.”

The line moved quickly, and the girls soon were at the window buying their tickets. Merritt realized that the boys likely were admiring his feminine beauty; he truly was prettier than either of his companions, he had to admit. Donna Mae had a round, freckled face and was rather plain; she wore little makeup and her best feature was her sparkling blue eyes. Edith had a thin, almost emaciated look and a hard, angular face; her best feature was her vivacious personality and openness that immediately won her friends. All three had realized that Merritt indeed made the prettiest one of the lot when he dressed as Marilyn.

As luck would have it, the three friends found themselves in the popcorn line right behind the two boys.

“Fancy meeting you here,” commented the shorter of the two boys, who had removed his wool cap to expose of crew-cut blonde head.

The comment was addressed to Merritt, who responded with a smile.

“Cold out there, wasn’t it?” the boy said. “Don’t your legs get cold?”

“It’s OK,” Merritt responded, using a weak, almost muffled voice.

“I go to Lincoln High,” the boy volunteered, looking directly at Merritt, apparently hoping to get the lovely girl he saw before him to reply and start a conversation.

Donna Mae interrupted quickly, obviously hoping to shorten this conversation. “Just buy your popcorn and leave us be,” she said sharply.

“Sorry,” the boy said, obviously taken aback at the sharp response from Donna Mae.

The boy’s face grew red and he turned his back on Merritt and the two girls to await his turn at the popcorn counter.

Merritt felt sorry for the boy and was a bit embarrassed at the tart words out of his friend’s mouth.

“That boy seemed nice, Donna Mae,” Merritt said, after the three had taken seats and were awaiting the start of the movie.

“You told me to protect you,” she answered. “I just don’t want you getting into something you can’t handle.”

“I guess you’re right,” Merritt admitted.

“We told you the boys would be hot for you, Marilyn,” Edith said.

“Shhhhhhhhhhh, girls,” said a voice behind them. “The movie’s starting.”

Merritt was nestled in the seat between his two friends, and his mind wandered as the show began with a short subject and the newsreels, before the feature. In his mind, he was Marilyn, a happy and pretty teenage girl who attracted the looks of many boys.

*****
“Let’s go to Morgan’s for a Coke,” said Edith as they left the movie.

“OK with you, Marilyn?” Donna Mae wondered, obviously worried that putting Merritt into the after-movie crowd at Morgan’s Sweet Shoppe might expose him to classmates or others.

“I guess,” he answered.

The three climbed over the hardened snow piles left by the plows and scooted across Winnipaca Avenue to Morgan’s, a popular hangout for high schoolers.

“Good we hurried,” Edith said, as they entered the shop whose windows were coated with an icy frost on the inside caused by the condensation of moisture upon the cold windows.

They got one of the last booths, and Merritt was concerned he’d be identified, since he had stopped at the shop many times before. He had always been friendly with the owner, Gary Murkowicz, a cheerful rotund man who endlessly scurried about the shop, always seeking to keep a good business working. Merritt often considered possibly working at the place, but the truth was he made more money as a seamstress at Swenson’s.

“Who’s your friend?” asked the waitress, whom they all knew as Katie Murkowicz, who was a senior at West and who worked at her father’s shop.

Merritt had lowered his head to avoid looking at Katie, for fear the girl might recognize him.

“Oh, my cousin from Green Bay,” Donna Mae answered quickly, turning to Merritt. “Marilyn, meet Katie.”

Reluctantly, he looked up at Katie, who stood there with order pad in hand. “Hi,” he said, turning his eyes down quickly to look at his hands.

“Nice meeting you Marilyn,” the waitress said. “What will you all have?”

“Chocolate soda,” said Donna Mae.

“Cherry coke,” said Edith.

“Lime phosphate,” Merritt said, his voice hardly audible.

“My you’re a shy one,” said the waitress, smiling. “Not like you at all Donna Mae.”

They all laughed, and Katie turned on her heels to get their order.

“Do you know her, Marilyn?” Edith asked, once the waitress was gone.

“Yes,” he answered. “She was in the school play this fall, and I was backstage, helping with costumes and such.”

“No wonder you’re so shy,” Edith said, with a twinkle.

“Don’t look now, girls, but those guys from the movie are coming in,” Donna Mae said. She was seated looking toward the entrance.

“Oh my,” said Merritt. “Are they headed this way?”

“Yes, I don’t think they saw us, but the only empty table is that one next to ours.”

Soon the two boys were seated at the table, not more than five feet away. At first, the boys didn’t notice the three friends at the nearby booth, just getting their eyes accustomed to the brightness of the sweet shop. Merritt looked down as they boys took their seats, studying his hands, and mainly admiring his slender fingers and polished nails.

He heard the boys chairs scrap on the floor, and finally got the courage to look up, finding he was staring directly into the face of the boy who had spoke to him while they were in line for movie tickets.

“You,” the boy said, showing recognition of the girl he spoke to at the movie ticket line. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hi,” said Merritt, giving a dainty wave toward the boy. He saw the boy’s sparkling eyes and his cheeks red from the frigid evening air.

“And hi to your friends, too,” the boy said, looking at Donna Mae and Edith.

They both acknowledged his greeting with perfunctory “hi’s” and turned away. The two boys seemed to busy themselves with their own conversation and giving their orders to Katie.

After their drinks arrived, Donna Mae queried her friends, “I thought Frank Sinatra was so adorable as a sailor. Didn’t you also?”

“Oh in that sailor suit, he was,” Edith echoed.

“How about you, Marilyn?” Donna Mae persisted.

“Sinatra is too skinny,” he replied. “I thought Gene Kelly was so handsome, and such a great dancer.”

“That scene where Kelly danced with the cartoon mouse was so cute,” Donna Mae agreed.

“Would you want Gene Kelly to be your boy friend, Marilyn?” Edith giggled.

Merritt beamed. He loved this girl talk. He did find himself wondering what it feel like to be a girl in the sinewy and trim arms of a man like Gene Kelly.

“Oh yes,” he said.

Their conversation continued on this vein for a while, with some giggling, before the boy from the other table interrupted the conversation, saying, “Well, I liked Kathryn Grayson.” He was referring to the female co-star in the film.

“Who asked you?” Donna Mae shot back.

“We couldn’t help but hear your conversation,” he responded. “You girls were so loud.”

“You’re rude,” Donna Mae responded.

“I’m sorry,” the boy said quickly. “I really don’t want to bother you, but I kinda just wanted to join in the fun.”

“Don’t bother . . .” Donna Mae began, but was quickly interrupted by Edith, who said:

“That’s OK,” Edith interrupted. “He didn’t mean any harm, Donna Mae. By the way, I’m Edith, and these are my friends Donna Mae and Marilyn.”

“What are you doing?” Donna Mae whispered to her friend. “Ignore them.”

“No they’re OK,” she whispered back, turning to the boys, and saying, “Who are you?”

“I’m Jim and this is Leo,” the boy said. “We go to Lincoln.”

“So you said,” Donna Mae said sarcastically.

“Don’t mind her,” Edith said. “She’s miffed ‘cause her boy friend’s out of town.”

Jim smiled. He had taken off his coat and he was wearing a Lincoln High School letter sweater, a big white “L” emblazoned on its blue background with two hashmarks on the sleeve. He was broad-shouldered and his hands were large with thick wrists; his complexion was pale and his crew-cut hair was light brown. But what Merritt noticed almost immediately were his eyes, they literally danced, indicating an adventurous, restless nature. Merritt liked what he saw.

“We’re both juniors,” he announced.

“We’re just sophomores,” Edith said. “Donna Mae and I go to Our Lady of the Angels, and this is our friend, Marilyn, visiting for the weekend.”

“There’s room in the booth, can we join you?” Jim asked.

Leo, his friend, taller and thinner, interrupted. “No, Jimmy, don’t you see they don’t wanna be bothered.”

“No that’s all right,” Edith volunteered. “There’s room next to Marilyn.”

Merritt was seated singly on his side of the table and he moved over, letting the boy named Jim move in next to her. He felt the boy’s firm thighs touch his as they scrunched together in the booth.

“Oh, sorry,” Jim said, looking at Merritt. “Hope this isn’t too tight.”

“No, it’s OK,” Merritt said, almost inaudibly.

He began to feel strangely excited by the presence of his strong boy next to him. As the five teens giggled and talked he noticed that Jim took quick, almost embarrassed glances toward him. Merritt had folded his hands in front of himself on the table, and for his part Merritt tried to remain quiet, saying little, and laughing only quietly when something funny struck his fancy.

“You’re awful quiet, Marilyn,” Jim said softly into his ear after the five had finished their drinks and ice creams. “Don’t you like us?”

“Oh no,” Merritt said, looking up and directly at the boy. “I like you fine.”

“My cousin’s just kinda shy around boys,” Donna Mae explained.

“Don’t you have a boy friend?” Jim inquired.

Merritt shook his head “no.”

“And such a pretty girl, too.”

“My aunt won’t let her date boys, yet,” Donna Mae said, quick to the rescue of Merritt.

“Maybe I could be your first date,” Jim said in a teasing tone.

Merritt blushed, excited by the interest this handsome boy had shown. He found himself loving the attention and the obvious effect his femininity had on this boy.

“Really,” the boy said. “We’ll just go to a movie or something. How about it? How long you going to be in town?”

“She doesn’t want to,” interjected his friend, Leo, who was becoming somewhat embarrassed by the forwardness of his friend in pursuing the girl.

“No, it’s not that,” Merritt said weakly, his voice small and almost squeaky. “My mom doesn’t think I’m ready yet.”

Leo had been chatting up Edith most of the time, but having learned she, too, had a regular boy friend, had turned his attention to his friend’s conversation with the lovely girl they saw before them.

“I won’t bite,” Jim said.

Merritt giggled, but shook his head “no.”

“Oh well, can’t say I didn’t try,” he said.

The conversation soon died out, and all five got up to leave, putting on their heavy winter coats before braving the windy, cold night. As Merritt was tying the scarf around his head, Jim looked at him, saying, “You really look so cute, bundled up like that.”

“Thank you,” was all Merritt could muster.

As they began to leave, Jim hung back and Merritt could see he was asking Edith something in a whisper. He saw Edith nod her head “no.”

“What was that all about?” Donna Mae asked Edith as they trekked home.

“Oh he wanted Marilyn’s phone number or address,” she laughed. “He thinks you’re quite a babe, Marilyn.”

“I think we’re both jealous,” Donna Mae kidded. “I think it’s the last time I’ll go out with Marilyn here; she gets all the attention.”

“I don’t mean to,” Merritt responded.

“Honey, you can’t help it that you’re so darn pretty,” Edith said.

“And so feminine and dainty,” her friend echoed.

It was a fact, Merritt mused. He thought back to Bill Johnson and his desire to kiss and treat him as a girl; Billy’s actions toward him were not “queer,” since he fancied Marilyn, not Merritt. Now, this boy Jim had found a similar attraction in Marilyn.