The Last Letter

by

Jacquimac

To whoever finds this letter,

By the time you find this I will be dead and believe it or not I am actually welcoming death as a friend, my only friend.
You most probably are thinking I`m mentally unbalanced but,believe me when I tell you I am writing this after my eyes have been truly opened by so called humanity and their damned religions.

I`ll tell you briefly about myself,at the time of writing this letter I`m just short of 58yrs of age considered to be the family freak, I no longer have a family as my parents, brother and sister are all dead.Oh there are other family members, cousins niece and nephews around but to the I no longer exist.

My parents never had anytime for me once my younger sister and brother were born, to them I was more or less a skivvie, someone to use and not love,someone to berate and beat.From an early age I was the more or less the family slave and this remained so till I was old enough to get away from home.

The only education I had was that what met the state requirements,I had never had any friends no matter how hard I tried.
I had been caught several times wearing my mothers dresses and had been thrashed for it, sometimes so badly that I could hardly move. My parents decided that seeing I liked to dress as a girl I would be trained as a maid.One of grandmothers had been in what she service ( a maid in a posh house) when she was younger and took charge of my training,and as a maid i served the family.

The neighbourhood had been told about my dressing up and I was ridiculed whenever I left the house,I was made to dress as girl all the time and even at school, so nobody wanted to befriend me to the girls I was wierd and to the boys I was a sissy.Back in the late 50`s and 60`s people didn`t understand about transgenderism in those days.We weren`t Devout church goers but the family did attend church now and again.When i started attending church in a dress the vicar would have me out front during service and call me an abomination and a sinner,the congregation would called me all sorts of names and ridicule me. Now I had read the bible and the first time I confronted by the vicar for my wickedness and an explanation required all I said was "Don`t judge less you be judged also" this earned me a beating from the vicar for my insolence.

My parents had me castrated and eventually threw me out when I was 16, I had nowhere to go and slept rough for a few nights,I had nothing except what I was wearing and a summer dress isn`t the best thing on cold nights.I had no money to by food so I tried scrounging in litter bins at night when no one was around.

After a few days and looking dirty and bedraggled I was caught looking in waste bins behind the shopping area and was picked up by the police and taken to the station.There I was interrogated and again I was ridiculed, as the police had no reason to hold me i was handed over the next morning to social services who after finding out what had happened contacted my parents, who told them they didn`t want my perversion in they`re home.

I was placed with a family who contacted my parent and were informed by them that I had been trained as maid,so they found work as a waitress in a cafe.I was passable as a female and was still only allowed to wear female clothing and what I was given was passed down from the older women in the family.

My wages were taken from me every payday so I never had any money,when I reached 18 I was given a bag of clothing and told to leave, they had let keep me that weeks wages.I found a bed sit in the run down part of town and that were I lived until now.

I didn`t know that my family had kept track of me and everywhere I went they made sure people new about me, my sibling visited my parents regularly and five years ago my mother started ailing and I was sent for my sibling.I was told that parent needed looking after and that I had it to do. I told them I had job to go to and didn`t have the time.

My brother sneeringly informed me that i no longer had that job and my landlord had also thrown me out, so I had a choice live homeless or look after my parents, it wasn`t much of choice with six inches of snow on ground so I reluctantly agreed.
My parents finances were being looked after by brother and there was never any money in the house,shopping was done for me and I rarely ever had to leave the house. About a year later my mother died and my father became bed ridden.

All the time I ridiculed and forced to wear a maids uniform,from time to time my sister would bring one of her male friends round and I was forced to have sex with them oral and anal. I was treated as whore and she and my brother made quite a bit of money from it. About 3 yrs my father died, my brother came round and removed every piece of outer clothing male and female from the house,I was instructed to wear suspender belt and stockings and that I would be catering for several men each night and some of them were from the clergy.My sibling died in a car crash 6 months ago and the only people I see are clients only I get paid in food never any money.One my clients was a doctor and a few weeks I became sick, he took blood samples and did some tests after an examination.Today got the results I have only a few weeks to live at most.

I know I`ll end up in an unmarked paupers grave,I won`t recieve the last rites or whatever they do as I refuse to acknowledge the church.I was asked by a priest to confess my sins, what sins I asked, all the sins were against me and that I`ll face my judgement before Almighty God if there is one.

The end