Finding Jenny Part I -7a

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In this installment: Chase kills Melissa?

DREAM SEQUENCE
or, as others have said, a nightmare
Chapter 7


It was early morning, so Jenny thought, perhaps only a few minutes before she actually had to rise for the day. She closed her eyes tight, trying to get a few more moments of sleep. It was contrary to her normal attitude, usually she woke up before she had to and hardly ever did she try to roll over once she was conscious. But today she felt the need to sleep, not because she felt any bit of tiredness or that she wanted to return to some mystical dream that she wanted to experience to the end. No, this was some sort of survival instinct that was telling her that she needed to sleep, that she must sleep, that the world was a very dangerous place and the only sanctuary she had was not behind the closed door to her room but rather behind her closed eyelids where she didn’t have to acknowledge the world and more importantly, the world didn’t have to know her.

Jenny felt warm, in fact, she go so uncomfortably hot that she knew it would be in vein to try to return to sleep under these conditions. Though her body screamed at her to do anything but, Jenny opened her eyes. The room was dark but there was just enough light to see. Jenny looked down at her body and noticed a peculiar large green towel that was covering her. It was frayed and old and the white checkerboard designs on both ends were almost gone. There was hardly any pattern which she could recognize anymore, but she knew what it was suppose to look like. The towel looked almost like a rag except bigger.

It was no matter, Jenny kicked the towel off of her and was surprised to see herself wearing a long t-shirt. She didn’t remember wearing the shirt to bed. In fact, she distinctly remembered taking it off just before she climbed into bed with her little sister.

“Amber,” Jenny whispered as she turned her head to look at a bed that was no longer there. Jenny was confused by the absence of her sister’s bed and her sister as well. She put her hand by the sides of her hip to lift herself into a seated position and was even more perplexed by the lack of her own bed. Instead, she found herself sleeping on a blue mat, not too unlike the little children of Tiny Tot’s daycare would sleep on during naptime. The difference was that this particular mat was dirty and stained and had a few tears hear and there that revealed the darkened yellow stuffing that the plastic outer shell was suppose to cover.

Jenny didn’t recognize this place, but, at the same time, it seemed strangely familiar.

She turned her attention back upon her own body. The shirt wasn’t the pink one like the ones she and her sister chose to wear after their bath. This one was white, or at least originally it was white at one point in its existence. The shirt was now grey in some areas from dirt and a lack of washing. In other areas there were thick crusty red stains. She looked at her fingers and no trace of blood could be found. For that she was somewhat thankful, but for the bruises she saw on her arms and then on her legs, she wasn’t. She never remembered a time being so bruised after playing baseball. He lifted the shirt to her chest to take inventory and she saw a large circular bruise on her stomach that was definitely baseball shaped. It looked like it would welt, but when Jenny touched it, even though she winced at the idea, she felt no pain.

The girl returned the shirt back to a more proper position so she ‘wouldn’t show the world all she had to offer,’ as her dad would say. She shook her head in amusement at thinking of the words, but knew her father spoke of the truth he gained from his job. Since Jenny couldn’t think of one good reason to stay seated on the floor, she stood up. The heat was still bothering her and a drop of sweat trickled from her brow and landed on her foot. She walked over to the window; perhaps an early morning breeze would be refreshing. Jenny stared at the closed window, it was covered with aluminum foil for a reason the girl couldn’t fathom nor imagine. Tentatively she touched the window but withdrew her hand in haste as the tip of her finger was slightly burned by the heat.

Jenny didn’t know what to think of this place and her mind swam in confusion, yet at the same time she knew this place and knew that she was a part of it. This was, unmistakably, home. But where were the others who shared home with her, Jenny thought. She also thought that before she went off looking for them, she should at least change into something nicer.

She turned for the dresser, but there wasn’t one available. The room was completely barren of furniture and the only light was a naked light bulb that swung from the ceiling. In one corner of the room was a pile of garbage bags and Jenny knew that she would find her clothes in there.

The odor that hit her as she opened the first bag was almost life threatening. The clothes in there didn’t seem fit for wearing either and most of it looked like it was meant for her two year old brother. She cinched the bag closed and didn’t want to see what odors and horrors the other bags held. Instead, she just wanted to get some answers and find her family.

Jenny vacated the room and hoped the rest of the house would be better, though she somehow knew it wasn’t. She walked into the hallway and looked off to her right. Somehow she knew the layout of this house and where certain people were supposed to be. Down the hall was her parents’ bedroom, the door was slightly open and a faint residue of smoke danced in and out of the opening. She was about to call out for her mother, but something internally told her not to. “It’s early, let them sleep,” her mind told her. “You’ll be safer that way,” it added and it was that addition that bothered Jenny more than anything else.

The girl decided to head off to the kitchen and without knowing exactly where it was, she proceeded directly to it. The kitchen was in no better shape than her own room. The cabinets were without doors. Even if they did have doors there would be nothing hidden behind them because the cupboards were barren as well. The only trace of food was some discarded pizza that sat on a table that looked as if it would collapse under the weight of the pizza box and two remaining slices. Those two slices didn’t look too appealing either, but Jenny couldn’t deny what her stomach was telling her so she grabbed a slice.

Her mind told her to take the other slice as well; she may not want it now but who knew when food would come her way again. Though Jenny didn’t understand why her mind was sending such messages, she did as it instructed.

With the two slices in hand being kept safely between two paper towels, Jenny went into the living room in order to eat them and avoid some of the odors that seemed to linger around the house. She looked at the couch; something told her to avoid sitting on it. Perhaps she should hide in it, her mind suggested. Jenny shooed away the idea, her clothes were dirty enough and she didn’t think she could fit under the couch as it was anyway.

All thought became mute anyway. Melissa came barreling through the door in a completely obvious intoxicated state. She staggered as she shuffled her feet and had to hold onto the wall and various bits of furniture as she made her way to the couch were she promptly plopped down and slumped.

“Mom,” Jenny asked in surprise and confusion, never in her life had she seen her mother drunk.

Melissa looked at Jenny through cold eyes as if struggling to remember exactly who it was that she was looking at. She opened her mouth as if to say something.

The words never materialized as Chase ran into the room and grabbed his wife by the shirt with both hands. “Okay, where is it?” Chase shouted.

“Where is what?” Melissa stared at her husband in a daze.

“You know full well what I’m talking about, bitch.” Chase slapped Melissa hard across the face with the back of his hand. “Where’s my stash?”

“Dad?” Jenny was shocked by her dad’s behavior and language, he never spoke that way.

Chase turned to face his daughter and looked at the child with such an intense hatred that it forced Jenny to take two steps backwards in fear. “Now, let’s try this again.” Chase turned his attention back to Melissa, still holding her down with his hand. “Where is my stash, bitch?” Chase asked in anger, saying each word slowly, enunciating them fully through gritted teeth.

“I don’t know,” Melissa answered in an equally slow voice to mimic and mock her husband. “Maybe the mistake flushed ‘em down the toilet again.”

Jenny knew that her mother was referring to her as the mistake and felt wounded.

Chase looked at his daughter once again, but seeing the confusion on his face, he must’ve doubted the story that Melissa gave him. “There’s an easier way to settle this,” Chase sneered as he pushed his wife into the couch before he stormed out of the room.

It didn’t seem like any time passed at all before Chase returned, this time with a gun in hi hand as he walked in front of his fife in a cool, cocky manner.

“Now,” Chase waved the gun in front of his wife’s face. “Where is it?”

“Dad!” Jenny admonished, trying to bring the man back to his senses.

“Shut up you little bastard,” Chase yelled at his daughter but never took his eyes off his wife. He stared at the woman, waiting for an answer. “Well?”

“I don’t know,” Melissa slurred her response.

“Not good enough.” Chase swung the gun at his wife, making contact with her head.

Jenny was frozen in place, she knew she was in shock but could do nothing about it. Everything was going in slow motion and Jenny found herself wishing that time would stop. She stared at Chase as he regained his footing from the blow he delivered to his wife. His right arm raised, his elbow bent so that his upper arm was parallel to the floor and his forearm was at ninety degrees to it. The gun was facing the ceiling but only for an instant if time was traveling at its normal speed. Slowly Chase lowered the gun, going at an agonizing pace. It finally settled at Melissa’s forehead.

Chase pushed the gun against the woman that he was supposed to love’s head. The indentation on Melissa’s forehead made it clear that Chase was pushing the firearm with all his might. “Now, one more time, bitch. Where is my stash?” Chase asked in red hot anger.

Inexplicably, Melissa laughed right in her husband’s face.

Chase moved his body ninety degrees to the side. With him standing sideways to his wife, he gently pulled the trigger. A loud crack bounced off the walls at the same exact time that blood splattered on them.

“Dad!” Jenny screamed in shock and horror.

Chase deliberately turned to his daughter. Jenny found herself frozen on the spot of the floor where she was standing. There was nothing she could do but look at the cold black stare that her father had rested on her.

A siren was heard in the background. It momentarily distracted the terrified child.

“Now guess who’s next,” Chase said as he wrapped his hand tightly around his daughter’s neck.

“Why?” Jenny asked in a whisper as a tear fell from her eye to her dad’s whitening knuckle.

“Because you ruined my life, all of our lives. What are you? A nothing. Who are you? Certainly not anyone I give a damn about.” Chase put the barrel of the gun up to his daughter’s temple, the cold metal sent a chill down the child’s spine.

Jenny could hear the sirens in the background grow louder. She knew that there was little time to do much of anything, but she had to try. An officer was nearby, she knew it’ Perhaps her Uncle J.D. or even Coach Sweet. She took in as much as she could.

“Help! He’s going to kill me,” She screamed as loud as she could.


Author's note 1: This is the first third of the chapter, believe it or not there is more action to come. This is a dream sequence, I can't stress that enough. But the dream stands on its own, and the rest of the action may be too much to take in one sitting. Also, I wanted a chance for people to comment on this section without having to comment on the whole chapter as one, because a lot happens.

What I hope to accomplish in this chapter: The floodgates are beginning to open to Jenny's past. Though there is some transference (Curtis to Chase, Sheila to Melissa, Jeremy to Jenny) Jenny is given a glimpse into a life that she had forgotten. I find it interesting, she never realizes in the dream to check gender.

Author's note 2: If you are one of my 12 fans, you know that there is hardly a story that goes by that does not contain a dream sequence. I like dreams, because they open a whole world to explore the subconscious. Also this event parallels my own experience; I was a freshman in my second semester of college when I had a flashback dream of when my stepfather dressed me up as a girl and took me to Toys-R-Us to show me off and humiliate me. Oh well.



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I don't think so

This is more of a "nightmare" sequence than a "dream" sequence.

It's done very well, though. Can't wait for the follow up sequences.

I do believe you have more than 12 fans. I'd venture to say that it's more like 12 times 12 fans, but that may be somewhat "gross".

Loving it all.

Hugs,
Erica

What a poor joke.

The 12 fans line comes from an afternoon radio personality on the Joy FM here in Tampa. Jayar always thanks his 12 listeners or when he has a contest he says one of my twelve listeners has the chance to win such and such. I know I have a following, though not as popular as if I wrote sci-fi or erotica. I can usually count on a story getting about 500 hits the first 24 hours and then climbing. My Christmas Diary has 8000 hits but it's been up the longest. It just seems that people read my things last when it's posted. The order goes something like 1st Bike 2nd any ret-con (whatever that is) 3rd any sci-fi and then if they have time something by me.

To be fair, my work isn't really TG lately. Just that Jenny is a post op, but there are no discovering what a dress feels like for the first time, or the confusion one feels when the tag on the underwear isn't on the back where 'it belongs'. Mine is very cerebral stuff, very emotional and those emotions aren't usually the good ones people want to read.

As for the chapter being a nightmare... yes, but I don't want to chase people away. The followup is action riddled to begin with. I'll give you a hint, no I won't, guess I'm a mean b---h

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

DeannaMAugust's picture

I have to agree with "Nightmare Scene"

Aloha, I understand things like this can happen in real life, but I read fiction
to escape this stuff. I do not want to share horror with others outside of therapy.
I feel bad about being negative, but was not prepared to read about this depressing violence in "Jenny's Dream" Again I am sorry , I would also suggest renaming "Dream"
to maybe "A Bad Nightmare" Deanna August

Aloha, Deanna August

Read the tags

In the tags I don't have one but THREE cautions. A general caution, and then a warning about language and a warning about violence. I would suggest that you read this story no further. There is more violence coming, more emotions, and it gets a hell of a lot worst. If you want something fluffy (which this will not be) I suggest reading the adoption of little orphan Danny, a different kind of life, or a christmas diary. They may be more to your liking. But this story, in fact this whole series, the Jenniverse as a whole, is a very dangerous and scary place and will not change.

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

She's remembering in a distorted way the murder/suicide of her..

drug addicted biological parents way back when she was 2 or three and still physically a boy. Her mind remembers but can't picture her horrid parents anymore so the remembered impressions, vague images, sounds, smells are being filled in with familiar people like her adoptive and loving family.

Chase may be a good man but bringing his work home, particularly images from a child porn/abuse case was a BIG F-up on his part. What the hell was he thinking? He has a preadolescent, an toddler and both have friends. What if anyone else saw those pics? Very careless. Not as bad as, say leaving a loaded firearm out but emotionally it's way up there. For a while I worried someone had pics of Jenney as a child and those were the ones still up on the web.

But I suppose at some point the truth of her birth would have come out anyway. So despite the torment she is about to go through it may be in her best interest to get it over now. She's old enough to understand yet young enough for counseling and other therapies to help her physically and mentally as she matures.
She could have found out when she needs additional SRS in a few years and hormone replacement to give her an adult sized neo-vagina and an adult body shape or worse, say they do genetic testing in school biology class and she learns she was born a male. Until these memories started to come back parents could have said a little white lie and tell her she was in a terrible car accident where she lost her birth parents and her reproductive system or claim she had uterine cancer as a very young child but someday she still might have found out to her horror. Now those years of not telling her to spare her grief may come back to bite them all.

Remember, fellow readers, the first story about Jenny, particularly the first few chapters was very intense. This nightmare is a only a reflection of that and from Katie's intro to this series not unexpected.

A sad, hard read but necessary for her story. Things may get worse for a while if I remember the intro but the family loves her and she will recover. Though how she gets back to a happier place and who she will be after all the turmoil is up to or author. She will not b the same Jenny as she was but will in the end she be better or worse for the experience?

John in Wauwatosa

Chase did mess up

Chase screwed up pretty badly. He took the picture home, mistake one. I think the reasoning was he was in his den and didn't think anyone would go in there. I probably should've made a reference somewhere earlier that the kids weren't allowed in the den without his permission, which would make the gaff a little more permissible. But, somehow I don't see the Milans as being a family that says this room is off limits.

Yo be honest, the picture is not what lets Jenny in on the secret about the SRS. That's going to come out a little later. Right now it's just a random dream (nightmare) to her, and how her parents handle that might not be the way you expect. I mean, how would you tell your daughter she is genetically a male and that she really isn't your child to begin with (and all evidence so far doesn't give any indication that Jenny remembers being adopted)?

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

Finding Jenny Part I -7a

How will sh cope with the nightmare?

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

first

I think she will cope with it by 1st waking up, then we'll go from there.

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

The nightmare is the crack in the dam of her memories

then other things you hinted at in the introduction will occure and likely a few surprises I imagine.

The problem is her memories are old and fragmentary. As she finds more *evidence* she may put two and two together and get five, so to speak.

The question is how will she react and how can they help her? This must prove very hard on her self-image and confidence. Her world is about to be *turned upsidedown*. She has gone from a terrified, shy, cowering child to a funny, confident, smart, almost dominant girl on the cusp of her adolecence. She has become a leader, not simply reacting to things. Can she salvage what she has gained and move forward?

Only time and our author will tell.

John in Wauwatosa

the order is important

I think most people are thinking the SRS is the most important thing here, but I believe it is secondary (and since i am the author I'm right)

the main thing isn't that she in now a girl, but coming to terms with the fact that she was abused. That she is not Melissa and Chase's child. Her role in her gender does get challenged, but not the way you would expect.

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

Oh cool................i am

Oh cool................i am one of the 12 fan club.........gonna put that down on my resume...........i just joking ...............but thank you for sharing.........it works for me.

I'm guessing here that Chase

I'm guessing here that Chase and Melissa don't realize how suppressed Jenny's memories are, but just assume that she doesn't want to talk about anything from before she was Jenny. If they did know, I would guess that they would have her back with the psychologist in a flash. I am somewhat surprised that she isn't still seeing the psychologist, at least once a year or every 6 months or something.

Dr. Eagan

Dr. Eagan does make a return in this book, I mean why leave anyone out. And her absence is explained. If I child represses a memory because they can't process it, then going to a shrink really isn't going to help and may hinder further growth. I forget what chapter is the psychologist chapter but I know she is coming up. I've been working hard (well hard for me) and I don't see why the next chapter won't be up tomorrow, but I may take a day off thursday as I have to take care of some unconstitutional legal stuff that the American government is putting me through.

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

Jenny seems to have

Jenny seems to have repressed more than a memory, it seems like she repressed everything prior to Chase being shot.

Good luck fighting with the Man.

You are right

Jenny did repress Chase's shooting also. If you noticed in the chapter where Chase came home early, Jenny was uneasy at seeing the SUV there but wasn't sure why she was uneasy. I would dare to say that Jenny repressed everything before the epilogue of Growing Up Jenny. This is actually quite a slippery slope that I am walking on. It is hard to say when the onset of memories occur. Some people think as young as 1 (I don't subscribe to this theory) and others think that it is around 4. Now, I personally have memories as far back as 3 and a half. I know they are memories of events (as opposed of memories of people telling me of events) because they are known only to me. I remember one instance of sexual abuse, but that is not my only memory; i also remember my cousin Teresa teaching me how to wipe my butt, about the big plastic super friends coloring sheet that I had, about being shipped off to live with my Aunt Roe, about my Uncle leaving, and a whole bunch. I know they happened before my 4th birthday because I remember I got an electric train from my Aunt Catherine for my birthday and these events were before them.

Anyway, with Jenny being 4 and perhaps 4 and a half (when Chase was shot) it is hard to say that those memories never took hold. But with repression (which is very dangerous to have someone have you remember repressed memories and I don't suggest going to a shrink to get them out) there is usually an element of emotional trauma. Jenny not remembering could be a survival instinct, or, since she was removed from the situation it became a non issue and she didn't have a need to reinforce those memories. Guess everyone will have to wait and see.

K.T. Leone

My fiction feels more real than reality

K.T. Leone

I'm finally me and I feel fine

only 12?

Now I know for a fact that you have more than 12 fans (the hit counter doesn't lie). Your writing is immensely entertaining and I can't get enough of it.

The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend

The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend

vivientena's picture

Dreams

Oh god, I hate the dreams that I sometimes have!

One of those dreams was of a time in my early childhood where there was a visitor at our home and he was trying to entice my mother into some sort of sex game and my Daddy was there too but he wouldn't do anyting to stop the man even though my mother wanted no part of the visitor! He would though ask the man to stop what he was doing but the visitor would threaten my Daddy and my Daddy would back off.

The only time I ever actually seen my Daddy do something manly in front of us was when he had nothing else to lose as he was dying of cancer and one other time when a logger came into our hotel and slammed his logging boots onto our oak counter. My Daddy pulled out a 45 colt and aimed it at his face and told Mom to call the police.

One time one of his employees was drunk and came up to me {telling my parents who of course watched the whole thing that he was going to make a man of me} picked me up with two fingers at the basce of my neck and close to my collar bone shaking me. I was in so much pain that when he dropped me I just collapsed.

My parents just stood there and laughed!

Those are recurring dreams that thankfully do not come near as much as they used to!

There are a few others but I wont go into them for now. I may never talk about them again as a matter of fact!

I'm sorry, I don't know why I mentioned my dreams.

I know this though, your one hell of a writer still! I know that this is a very important part of the story but it was a tough one for me!

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