The day after the dinner party

Suzanne’s cousin Clare:
and how she changed my life

by Louise Anne Smithson

Chapter 6

Sunday lunch

I woke up at 7.00 am the next morning and lay in bed for some time recalling my dreams from the previous night, trying to work out what they meant. The first one had started out as a typical ‘anxiety dream,’ but in the end was just strange. I was half-dressed in women’s underwear, yet nobody took any notice of me and my initial worries disappeared. In the second dream, I’d looked good, felt good and was completely accepted by my friends and colleagues. I assumed this was due to my having passed so successfully at the dinner party the previous evening. I recalled the events and conversation of the previous night and was pleased that I hadn’t let Suzanne down.

I was still not used to the feeling of my smooth and hairless legs and arms against the pink satin of the nightdress that I was wearing. It was a nice feeling, although my ears also felt different and ached a little. I sat up in bed and touched my ears, realising that they had a pair of studs in them, and then I looked at my finger nails and noted how beautifully shaped and lacquered they were once again. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror of the dressing table. It struck me how feminine I looked, even without the long wig or the padded bra, both of which were lying in front of me on the dressing table together with various items of makeup left from the previous night.

I emerged from the spare bedroom and surveyed the remains of our dinner party from the previous night, which I’d promised to help clear up. There was no sound of Suzanne in the flat, so I took the towel, flannel and toothbrush that I’d been given when I arrived on Friday afternoon and went to take a shower.

Fifteen minutes later I’d finished my shower and started to look for some clothes to wear. Suzanne had taken away Tom’s clothes on Friday afternoon and had them locked away in her room. There were however, quite a number of Suzanne’s things which she had transferred to the spare room and had informed me that I was welcome to wear. I put on the underwear from the previous night as it had been worn only for a few hours and then looked for something that wasn’t too girly in the bedroom drawers, as I intended to do the clearing up and didn’t want to spoil any of her nice clothes. Eventually I found a black pair of slacks, a pink, jumper, some white socks and the pink furry slippers that she had previously loaned to me. Once I was dressed I began to clear up the mess that we’d left behind the previous evening. By the time I’d finished doing so there was still no sign of Suzanne waking, and so I went back to the spare room, and put on some lipstick mascara and a little eye-shadow. By 9.30am the dishwasher had completed its cycle and after putting everything away I was feeling quite hungry, so I started to make some coffee and toast. It must have been the smell of the coffee which finally roused Suzanne.

‘Hi Clare,’ she said, coming from her room with the help of her crutches. ‘I’d not realised that I would be seeing you again today.’

‘Well, if you remember, you hijacked all of Tom’s clothes on Friday and I didn’t feel comfortable walking round in a frilly night dress.’

‘I’m sorry, I’d forgotten all about them, but if you’ll just give me a couple of minutes to get up and go to the loo and I’ll join you for some breakfast, then Tom can have his clothes back.’

For some reason we had both gotten into the habit of referring to Tom in the third person whenever Clare was around.

---

Ten minutes later we were sitting down to breakfast together, with Suzanne in her dressing gown and myself, fully dressed.

‘Thank you very much for doing all the clearing up for me, Clare, I was feeling pretty tired after all of our efforts last night.’

‘And after all the wine that we drunk,’ I answered laughing. ‘I woke up quite early this morning and was feeling really alert so I thought I might as well make a start on the dishes.’

‘I must say you’ve dressed yourself ‘nicely’ again this morning, Cousin Clare,’ continued Suzanne with a slight emphasis on the word ‘nicely’. ‘Why you’ve even put on some makeup and some earrings.’

‘I was worried in case someone should come to your door.’

‘I see,’ she said, sounding unconvinced.

I tried to think of something to say in reply, but was unable to do so.

‘So what are we going to do today?’ asked Suzanne as she drank a second cup of coffee. ‘After all your efforts yesterday, I think you should decide.’

‘As it’s quite a nice day outside, why don’t I treat you to that Sunday lunch that I mentioned last night,’ I suggested.

‘That would be very nice, thank you. Where would you like us to go?

‘I suggest we go somewhere nearby; that is, if you know of anywhere suitable for your wheelchair.’

‘There’s an Indian restaurant in the High Street that runs a buffet on Sundays and which isn’t too expensive.’

‘Alright then.’

I was relieved by the words ‘isn’t too expensive’; Suzanne knew that I didn’t have a lot of money left over after paying my rent each week.

‘But tell me, will I be going out to lunch with Clare or Tom?’ asked Suzanne.

I hesitated for a moment knowing what I wanted to say, but in the end copped out.

‘I don’t mind, I’ll leave it to you to decide whom you would prefer to go out with,’ I answered.

Suzanne appeared to think hard before answering.

‘On balance, and since you’ve given me the choice, I think I’d prefer to go out with Clare again, as long as Tom will not be upset by my decision. Tom is a too young to be my boyfriend and conversation with him can be a little bit stilted, but I really enjoyed my cousin Clare’s company as we were getting ourselves ready yesterday.’

‘No, Tom will not be upset, as long as you promise to help him to change back later this afternoon,’ I replied with a gentle sigh.

I suspect that she realised that I wasn’t particularly sorry about her choice.

‘Of course I will, and what is more, if you come out as Clare, you may use her debit card that I loaned you last night to pay for the meal.’

‘No Suzanne, this can be my treat.’

‘You can hardly hand over Tom’s debit card when you’re dressed as Clare.’

‘Oh, I hadn’t thought of that, but I could go to a cash dispenser beforehand and withdraw some cash,’ I suggested

‘Please Clare, I can afford it and it’ll be nice to go out with my young cousin. You can do the business of paying the bill, but using Clare’s debit card. After breakfast, I suggest that you put on a dress and some tights and also put on a little more makeup whilst I get myself showered and ready to go out.’

---

Suzanne went to have her shower whilst I found something else to wear and went back to her dressing table where I struggled to make up my face once again. After a few minutes I had to stop to answer the telephone as Suzanne was still washing.

‘Hi Clare, it’s Elaine from last night,’ said a cheerful voice. ‘Is Suzanne there?’

‘I’m afraid she’s still in the shower and will be for a little time yet. Can I get her to ring you back later when she’s fully dressed?’

‘Yes of course, and by the way, it was nice to meet you last night.’

‘And you too,’ I replied.

---

I passed the message on to Suzanne in the shower before returning to the dressing table to continue my struggles with eye-liner. At least I now knew what I was doing and each time I tried I became a little more proficient in using cosmetics and in styling my hair. An hour later I was at last fairly satisfied with my appearance, even without any intervention from Suzanne. I went in to sit with my cousin who was just finishing her own makeup despite having spent half an hour chatting on the phone to her friend.

‘My friends were both most impressed with my young cousin’.

‘That’s nice; I quite enjoyed their company once I’d got over my nerves.’

‘Come over and let me have a look at your face,’ said Suzanne.

I did as I was instructed.

‘Hm! That’s not bad at all, you seem to be becoming proficient, and have not made the usual beginner’s mistake of putting on far too much,’ commented Suzanne as she finished her inspection.

‘Maybe but it always seems to take me an awfully long time,’ I replied.

‘Don’t worry you’ll soon speed up with a little more practice,’ she said in a matter-of-fact way.

---

Suzanne asked me to bring her two winter coats, and to help her to put one on. The other was for me to wear.

‘Now, have you brought everything you might need: lipstick, tissues, powder compact, and Clare’s debit card?’ she asked.

I checked the purse in her handbag and confirmed that I had.

‘The pin number is 5874.’

‘You’re very trusting — what is to stop me from running off with the full contents of the account?’ I asked.

‘Nothing, but you would have to do so as Clare. In any event you’ll find that there’s not a great deal more money in the account and there is a  £300 per day withdrawal limit.’

I’d chosen a pair of shoes for myself with flat heels.

‘I don’t think you should wear those, Clare, until you are a little bit more experienced at going out as a woman. Find yourself a pair of medium heels, as they will tend to make you walk in smaller steps.’

I found a compromise pair of medium-heeled shoes and put them on. At least they weren’t as bad as the high heels I’d worn the night before.

---

At midday we left the flat and took a leisurely stroll down the Portobello Road, with me pushing Suzanne’s wheelchair. The road was crowded but it was also closed to motor vehicles whilst the market was on. It was a cold, but clear and dry day as we visited several stalls and shops in the area. Suzanne was on good form once again, cheerfully chatting to myself and the stall-holders that we met. She even bought herself several items of cosmetics, which amazed me given that she already had so many, and also a pair of gold studs with little blue butterflies. She handed over the memory card from her camera at a photographic shop and ordered two sets of the prints. As soon as they were ready she gave one set to me.

‘There you are, they will be a small memento of your last two weekends as Clare,’ she said.

‘Thank you,’ I said and began to examine the photographs.

They really were quite good. Suzanne owned a good quality camera, and we were both quite photogenic, knowing instinctively how best to pose. I then put them in my handbag.

---

We found the restaurant that could cope with Suzanne’s wheelchair, and were shown to a table in a quiet corner, where our conversation couldn’t be overheard. As it was a buffet style, Suzanne explained to me what she wanted to eat, and I served her before returning to fill my own plate.

‘So how are you feeling this morning, Clare?’ asked Suzanne.

‘Alright I suppose, I’ve had an interesting and enjoyable time looking around the market but I’m still not used to wearing heels and my feet are now beginning to ache.’

‘You just need a little more practice and for your calf muscles to adjust. I must say though that you seem to be much more confident this week compared to last Sunday and continue to make a remarkably convincing young woman.’

‘So I have been behaving ‘nicely’ again today.’

‘Absolutely, I haven’t noticed any trace of ‘awkwardness’ all day.’

‘Thanks. I suppose I am feeling a little more confident after our success last night, but I still have to concentrate in order to act, walk and talk like a woman as it would be really embarrassing to be publicly unmasked.’

‘Believe me Clare there’s not been a single person we’ve met this morning who has doubted your sex for a second. Also, although you were under scrutiny for several hours by Christine and Eleanor last night, neither of them had any suspicions about you. They would have said something to me this morning if they’d done so.’

‘So exactly what did they say to you this morning?’

‘That my cousin seemed to be a lovely young woman and they hoped that you can find yourself a suitable job in London and come and share my flat with me.’

I blushed again.

‘Suzanne, I’m afraid that’s not going to happen, I already have a job and a flat as Tom.’

‘I know that,’ she answered in a subdued voice.

We both sat quietly eating our meals for a minute or two and then we both started to talk simultaneously. I offered to let Suzanne speak first, but she insisted on giving way to me.

‘Suzanne, … although I may have complained about it, I must admit I’ve enjoyed myself as Clare over the last two weekends. If you would like me to stand in as your cousin again at some time in the future, I suppose I would be willing to do so.’

My friend’s face lit up.

‘Really Clare! You have just answered the question that I was about to ask you. In that case would you be willing to take me Christmas shopping in Regent Street one Saturday soon? I honestly believe that this will be my last Christmas and so I want to celebrate it properly.’

‘Yes of course, I’d be happy to do so, but I could just as easily do that dressed as Tom.’

‘No, I’m afraid it will have to be as Clare since you’ll need to help me in the ladies’ changing rooms.’

‘In that case I’ll be pleased to do so, but you’ll have to loan me some clothes, and particularly some more comfortable shoes, to wear for the day’

‘There’s no problem there. What is more I’ll also treat you to some brand new undies as a thank you for everything you’ve done for me this weekend.’

‘So when would you like us to go shopping?’

‘I’d rather not leave it too late. How would Saturday week, the 9th December suit you?’

‘Unfortunately you’ve chosen the only Saturday between now and Christmas when I’m not free. My father and his new lady-friend are going away on a 3-week cruise for Christmas and the New Year and so I’ve promised to spend that weekend with them in Newcastle before they leave. However, I could manage next Saturday or else the 16th December, or indeed any other day in December after that as I have ten days of my annual leave remaining, which together with the Christmas Bank Holidays will mean that I will not have to go back to work until after the New Year.’

‘Alright then Clare, shall we go Christmas shopping next Saturday, before the shops get too busy?’

I nodded. Suzanne continued to look pleased.

‘We’ll need to leave quite early, so perhaps you wouldn’t mind staying at my flat again next Friday evening.’

‘Alright then, but I’ll also have to leave before Sunday lunchtime as you’re due to have lunch with your two friends on that day.’

‘You could always change your mind and join us for lunch, after all the invitation was originally extended to you as well.’

‘Let me think about that over the next week, it might involve difficult explanations, but I’ll be happy to take you shopping next Saturday.’

‘That’s great Clare. As soon as we’ve finished lunch we’ll go out and buy a new set of lingerie for you to wear next Saturday.’

---

We arrived back at Suzanne’s flat at about 4.30pm with various other purchases made during the course of the afternoon. After a quick cup of tea, Suzanne began the process of transforming me back into Tom. She returned my clothes to me and then helped me to remove the makeup and long finger nails.

‘So it’s goodbye for now cousin Clare’, said Suzanne as she began the transition. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you again next week.’

‘Me too,’ I answered.

---

‘Tom, make sure that you keep wearing your studs this week so that you can keep the holes open and we don’t have to pierce your ears again next week,’ said Suzanne, as I was about to leave.

She also handed over the studs that she’d purchased in the market earlier that day.

‘These are for you to put in each night.’

‘Alright, but what do I do when I go in to work tomorrow morning?’ I asked.

‘Surely there must be some other guy at your office who wears studs in his ears?’

‘No, there are only four of us in the office and the others are all women.’

‘I’m sure they wouldn’t object if you were to wear them.’

‘Maybe not, but it would attract attention to me and might give rise to awkward questions.’

‘Well, if you must take them out, do so only at work and put them back in as soon as possible afterwards,’ said Suzanne. ‘I’m only trying to make it less uncomfortable for you next week.’

‘Alright then, I’ll try’ I answered.

‘Just one other thing,’ said Suzanne handing me a small makeup case.

‘What’s that?’

‘Tom, here are various items of makeup and some cleansing pads which I bought for you today. I should like you to practice making up your face just as I’ve shown you. Try to make up your face every night this week until you’re able to do it quickly and proficiently. Then there will be one thing less for us to worry about next weekend.’

‘Suzanne, you bought all these things some time before I even agreed to go out with you as Clare next week.’

‘Yes, I know, I was frantically trying to think of a way of persuading you, but then you volunteered before I’d a chance to do so.’

I sighed.

‘Will you promise to do that for me?’ she asked.

‘Yes, I suppose so, but won’t I also need to have the wig as well’ I replied.

‘By all means, please take it so you can also practice styling your hair as well’

She went into the spare bedroom and came out a plastic carrier bag which she gave to me; inside there were several items of clothing and the wig.

‘What about the clothes?’

‘If you’re going wear the wig as well you may find it easier to practice dressed as Clare rather than as Tom. There are only a few basic items; you must decide whether or not to wear them. Maybe if you do decide to dress as Clare you could contact me on Skype during the week, if your computer has a webcam.’

‘Alright, we’ll see how I feel during the week’, I said.

‘Goodbye Tom, I’m really looking forward to seeing my cousin Clare again next Friday evening,’ she said kissing me on the cheek.

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I returned to my small bed-sit a few streets away feeling decidedly confused, but I also had the distinct feeling that I had no regrets about my weekend.