Evanescence 22

Chapter 22

I wake up feeling very lazy and good, there’s that just right feeling of being warm and cared for and held that parts of me are just basking in semi- awake. I’ve several lesbian parts to my other lives and my other selves that are still sort of trying to make peace with my heterosexuality.

Yes me, now I’m a transgendered woman but I’m into men. Okay I’m into one man and that’s the guy I’m with now.

Shaun.

Now to be perfectly honest with myselves there was several really shitty lifetimes that those versions of myself were with women because of bad things in their lives with men. So they were really bisexual I guess.

And there were parts of me that had really known the feelings of being tenderly made love to by a man. That Shaun is that sweet and good to me and the fact that he used to be …and well still is my best friend makes things even more special.

But it’s still pretty much all me that rolls over and kisses his sleeping face, those really nice lips, tracing a dimple with a finger tip. Then kiss his chin and I tilt my head and suck on his throat…like that kissing, lips slipping over the bumps of his Adam’s apple…I love the taste of his skin, he just…Shaun moans a little in his sleep or getting stirred from it as I go from there down to his chest.

I can’t help it but to taste, kiss over his heart a few times. There is this power, this energy there that I can feel, it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt, like nothing any of me has ever felt but I can tell it’s for me.

It feels like majik, like essence but for me. They say that love is the greatest for of majik there is but is that actually what I’m sensing.

Then it’s further down his chest to those abs and lower….yeah lower. There are times even without the others inside and that a lot of them are lesbians just me, and nothing/no one else is sort of freaked out a bit… okay a lot when it comes to stuff like this.

Yeah I like guys, yes I’m transgendered but I’m very new to this still in fact I am still really new to the actual sex acts still. Shaun and I’ve have actually slept together more than we’ve actually “slept” together.

I’m a bit of a slow starter and I’m shutting parts of me out while I’m doing this. Not so just because they’ll influence me but I want this time to be just us. It gets a little crowded being me.

It definitely wakes Shaun up.

No I’m not all that good at it and y’know if I was I might get into more detail but I guess the important points were that seem to have did a good enough job and that unless you’re careful when you’re doing that for your guy they get a bit into it and there’s fingers through your hair and you might have him try and shove everything he’s got down your throat.

Well that really woke me up.

Well at least I didn’t choke or throw up on him.

And it did lead to us having sex, making love and that was good. I tried it back before all of this and it wasn’t like the way it is now. And the difference is me really. Aside from my boy parts I’m very passable, that’s from this whole Evanescence thing. It doesn’t really transform me but there’s so much female energy inside of me it permeates my body and with me being in actually medical transition and on a hormone regimen it’s like the energy makes changes that are at the biological extremes I guest. Like magically super charged hormones.

I’m heading to a D-cup and they’re all real and my waist is smallish and my hips have actually grown out more than they would have and I’ll admit I’ve a really nice butt and great skin…but it’s the way I feel so much the woman that I am coupled with the way that I feel about Shaun that makes this what it is.

Still though I’m looking forward to the day when things are going to be fixed right with my body. From what I know about the way that magic and sex changes works is it’s not as simple as just wishing it to be so. It’s like everything else unless you really know the topic enough to guide the magic then you’re taking chances.

I mean I am getting more and more female I guess but at the same time there are transwomen that are a part of HER so…

Surgery like everyone else might be the only option.

But no huge complaints, by the time we’re done I’m sweaty and feeling warm and happy, loved and pretty and I’m curled up again with Shaun in recovery mode and just actually going over what we’re going to have for breakfast.

Being a Faraday it’s kind of neat that we’re in his basement bedroom and he’s able to sort of see what’s in the refrigerator.

“Hmm, how about I just go and surprise the both of us honey?” Shaun says smiling as he pulls me into him tighter to spoon.

“What? You’re expecting me to not want you to get up and make me breakfast?”

“I’ll make you breakfast anytime you want.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah…” he rolls me over onto my back and really deeply kisses me as he’s getting up, he breaks it and stares at me with those electric blue-grey eyes of his. “Considering I’m more than ready to be cooking you breakfast for the rest of our lives.”

…………Oh.

Oh, oh wow.

Shaun…

He’s already left by the time exactly what he said kicks in and I sit up in bed and I’m just filled with this wash of happy feelings. There’s this whole self and selves sort of happy that’s just adding to everything.

There’s this spot in my minds eye where the different versions of myself from different times are all sort of sitting like I am right now just kind of sharing in the feelings that I’m having.

In the window seat of a Spanish villa looking out over the cliffs to the Mediterranean. I can feel the warmth, the salty sea air making my slip move around me.

Back to the rails of the old whitewashed fence of the masters house, the smell of the garden all around me and the sun flittering through the leaves of the trees and the smell of the lavender we used in the laundry…the feeling of life then before the painful stuff started and when we knew a boy, a kind white boy who was gonna get us clear and take up north so we didn’t hafta be a slave no more.

It was a nice feeling remembering something from then that wasn’t terrible.

Picking herbs in the jungle and just after the rain, and enjoying the peace and quiet and just the raw beauty of it. Vietnam was and likely still is a lovely place if you minus all the stuff from the war that happened there.

Another favourite time was cooking, chicken and rice…pots boiling away to feed as many as we could then but sitting in the hut of our teacher dry and warm sipping tea while there was a straight down heavy rain outside…she/I loved those moments.

She was never really with anyone and sitting like this sort of rising to my surface it’s a good thing…she...she thinks Shaun’s a good man.

But they’re me too, I’m them or I was or parts of me were. It’s easier though in a way to keep them sort of themselves too. I think it’s what keeps me sane.

Heaven/Molly’s staying away….just everything…Jill…me being with Shaun. It’s okay that’s stuff I need to set aside for awhile.

The mountains, me and my wife just by ourselves on those rare afternoons where we weren’t bust with the village. I loved holding her, my back to our chimney and us up on the thatch watching the clouds go by.

I want to do that with Shaun. Theirs is nothing like being in the mountains up high enough that you can sometimes look out level with yourself to watch the clouds pass by.

And lastly…in my house carding wool watching Conal with the young ones out in our front patch and him wrestling with the boys and picking dandelions with our girls to make crowns and neck chains instead of picking the greens of them for supper.

~Hey now…I known you’re lads a sweet fella and it’s quite aright ta bask in the good life but we’re not supposed to be just idling away ‘ere Raine. ~

“Maeve?”

~Aye, Me I’ve been takin the gran tour as it is missus Evanescence an I’d have been talking t’yeh sooner but I got lost in the great expanse of nothin that ye have up here. ~

“I’m talking to you how…?”

~’Cause yer not the bloody only one that carried the burden you silly twit. ~

“I’m not, I mean I new there was other ones but I thought the last one died a long time ago putting Asmodeus down?”

~Aye for the full on thing t’is true but there was some of us that the blood carried a few souls of our fore-mothers inside of us. ~

“I didn’t know that it could work that way.”

~Aye that much is obvious, and that’s not the point, the point is you’ve barely got any training under ye and that needs to change.~

“I’ve got a friend coming and she can help show me the ropes.”

I get that Gibbs hitting Tony in the back of the head thing from HER. She’s dressed like Maeve would be and she’s got thick wavy auburn hair and freckles.

“Ow! Why aren’t YOU the one teaching me?”
“I can only show you the things that I know as THE GODDESS on Earth could like a coven leader, or the head of a circle. And you are not a practicing Wiccan let alone a priestess.”

“But YOU made me; you’re responsible for this…”

“I was one of those who made you, who lent power and knowledge into the making of what you are. I have been helping you Raine but there are only so many things that I can do.”

I close my eyes and I can see Maeve there looking back at me.

~Y’know she’s right Raine, being the Evanescence is about majik, and the different kinds there be not just the Wiccan stuff of HER folk but all of it from every woman of power in our bloodline.~

I’m nodding.

“So what do I do? Where do I start?” I’m talking to both of the and it really has been the biggest thing really, how to start doing the things that I need to know until I get a teacher.

~Aye if it were me and now really t’is. I’d be stepping deep into your lives and learning just not the stuff that you reach for or floats to the surface but all of it. Because y’know Asmodeous, y’know he hasn’t forgotten a trick. ~

SHE’S nodding in agreement.

I’m nodding in agreement.

“Okay, so…how do I start this step?”

SHE smiles; “That I can show you, it’s a little bit different than normally meditating but you’ll get it. Being a woman who has lived the lives of other women is something I know an awful lot about.”

SHE’S teaching me about breathing in the lotus position but more of a yoga thing actually…SHE’S Indian like the saree wearing kind and not the Native American kind and is wearing a saree actually and she’s an old lady at that her hair grey and her face filled with wrinkles that are this roadmap of the things she has seen and the things she has been through.

We start into this sort of Yoga…Buddhist…reincarnation thing that they actually use in other religions.

Shaun came in for just a moment and the slipped back out before showing back up with two trays of food. He leaned over and kissed me deeply and nuzzled my face.

“I’m not even going to ask right now.” He nuzzles then kisses me. “I’ll be out in my workshop in the garage. I Love You.” He finishes strong with a great kiss.

I got off my rhythm of breathing and I watch him go and let out a sigh.

SHE smiles and SHE’S setting the food in front of us. “He’s getting stronger, he could feel me here…it’s…it’s actually really nice that he did this…”

“Yeah Shaun’s almost as much as a surprise as all of this.”

“You’re lucky…even with all the men that I’ve known I can tell he’s one of the good ones.”

“I know.”

I set down my empty cup of coffee. “Let’s get back to it. I’m ready.”