The New Girl in My Life
By Jessica C
My name is Jeff but for years now and then I get these compulsions to see myself as a girl. It has become a growing ongoing tension between me and my parents that was supposed to be a thing of the past. It was two weeks before school let out for Christmas break, and I had an urge to be sick at school. I worked myself up to be sick so I could get sent home from school. I had weeks ago found some clothes a friend was throwing out and I had taken them, without anyone knowing but not yet had a chance to try them on.
It was 10:30 when I was finally sent home from school. My regular clothes were coming off as I was closing the door behind me. I retrieved a box pushed way back under my bed and pulled out a light blue skirt and a pink print blouse. I searched and found a pair of panties and a trainer bra. It was not the ideal outfit but they were special to me. I quickly changed; I even got a pair of my mom’s pantyhose to put on. I took them out of the laundry so she would not miss them. I was sitting at her vanity and using some of her make-up when I heard someone in the house. I turned around to find my mother entering her room. She was surprised, but seemingly not as surprised as I was. “Mom, what are you doing Home?” I quickly apologized and made excuses for what I was doing.
“Mom please let me out of the room and I will quickly change and I promise I won’t do it ever again.”
“Stand up and don’t try to go anyplace… Now come with me and we will talk young lady.”
“Mom, I am not a young lady and I am sorry. I promise…”
“Aren’t you getting ready for crossover day?”
“How did you know about Crossover day?”
“So you were planning to dress up and go to school as a girl on Wednesday?”
“What made you think that?”
“Well the note you brought home from school last week for one and your being dressed as a girl now young lady.”
“Mom, could you stop calling me a young lady? The only note I brought home last week was in that envelop I had to give you when I got in trouble at school.”
That note did not tell me you were in trouble again at school. It was about this Crossover Day and when I talked to you said you and Marie were going to do something in support of Eddy. I asked what, but you said I didn’t need to worry about it that Marie was going to help you. So now tell me about this trouble you got into.”
“Mom, it was the usual of being pushed around and agitated but it was me who was caught for pushing back.”
“So is Marie helping you for Crossover day?”
“I guess mom we are working together!”
“Well in light of what I see you could use some help. I am not sure you know what you are doing, but I doubt if you want your mother to be the one who helps you dress Wednesday. Did you get those clothes from Marie?”
I didn’t want to tell her the full truth so simply I said yes. “Mom is it okay if I get changed now?”
“Actually, no, you can stay like that and we will get some lunch.”
“But Mom, you don’t want to see me like this, and what if Dad comes home?””
“You’re right, I didn’t want to see you like this, but I don’t mind having a girl around for a little bit. Regarding your father, if he comes home he might as well have the same shock I did. You are lucky. If you were younger you would probably be spanked for doing something like this.”
Mom led me out to the kitchen and directed me to get out the stuff and help make sandwiches. She went back to her room and got me a pair of sandals to wear. I put on the sandals and mom smiled. Then she wrapped an apron over my head and around my body tying it on in back.
When we were finished eating mom asked to see my hands and began to give them a manicure. It had been a year since she had done them and she always did a much more thorough job than I did. I thought we were finished but she told me to wait. When she came back she had three bottles of nail polish and asked me which color I preferred. I told her none but she said “That is not an acceptable answer.”
Finally I said, “On a girl the rose pink would be nice.” Mom opened the jar and took my hand. Once she had my hand I knew better that to pull it away. I said “No.” But she went ahead anyway. She was doing a very nice job, even I liked the look, but I knew enough to protest.
She then brushed out my hair to make it look more feminine in appearance. She was pleased and asked me what I was going to do with my hair come Wednesday. I told her I didn’t know and that I was considering backing out. Mom suggested I should talk to Marie and Eddy before I changed anything. Since I didn’t have anything set up I agreed.
It was now an hour before school let out and mom suggested I go with her in the car before school got out. I shared I was not comfortable in going out dressed like I was. She said, “You need to get use to it and it was not really a suggestion.” With that she opened the door and pushed me toward the car.
I got in the car but said I was not getting out in public. She said, “If we hurried we could be out on our way and back before school was out.” I could not believe that she drove to Sears about twenty minutes away and had me out of the car and walking into the store. We walked into the women’s section and I was praying it would be a matter of just grabbing something and get back out. My prayer was not answered in the affirmative. She told a saleswoman, “I am helping my son get some underwear and pantyhose for crossover day.”
The woman did not look too happy but she quickly got her composure, “Yes, I can help you. You do look nice young lady.”
Mom looked at me saying, “Well, what do you say to her about that compliment?”
The sales woman asked if I wanted pastels or prints, cotton or nylon, regular briefs, bikini style or high cut.
I was slow in answering and was going to say I don’t care, but knew that would get criticism from my mom and I did not want an episode to draw attention. “Pastels would be nice, but I’m not sure about the style or the other thing.”
Mom replied, “Satin briefs if you have them.”
The saleswoman asked if we want one, three or a six pack.
I slowly and quietly said, “One.” Then mom spoke up and saying, “We might as well get the six as well as some pantyhose.”
The woman asked my height and weight and then grabbed three different shades of pantyhose and asked which ones we wanted. Mom replied that one of each would be fine. We bought the items and were on our way out when we passed by the cosmetic jewelry. Mom paused and asked if I had any earrings. While she was looking through them another salesperson came over to help.
Mom told her what we were doing. She drew my mom away from the first display of jewelry saying, “That is for younger girls. If you don’t mind paying just a bit more here is a nice set of earrings, necklace and bracelet on sale.” She pulled out three different styles. She took one set of earrings and place one up by my right ear. “What do you think?”
I quickly spoke up saying, “They are nice but much too expensive and they are too much for one day at school.”
Mom shared, “As long as she thinks they are very nice we will get them, I suspect she will wear them more often.” The saleswoman shared we could pierce her ears, even as a boy that would be acceptable and we have a nice set.
Mom asked me to be seated, which I did not understand to mean I would have my ears pierced. The woman said she would be right back. When she came with the equipment to put in the earrings, I spoke up. Mom said it was too late. The woman said I was lucky to have an understanding and supportive mother.
I spoke up and shared I was dressing like this in support of a friend. The saleswoman looked at my mother who told her I had dressed myself. She said “While the combination was okay, you should at least look at the sales items and see if there were things that coordinated a bit better.”
“I wouldn’t have any idea of what was better and I am satisfied with what I have.”
Mom spoke up and asked the young saleswoman, “Do you think you could help us?”
The woman asked me to hold still as she pierced and set two earrings in each ear. She took me by the hand and we were back in the young women’s section. She was going through the clearance items but saw me look at an outfit on display. “Good choice, they are not clearance items but they are on sale. What size are you a 6 or eight.”
While I was not very big I did not know women’s sizes. She handed me a set and asked me to try them on. I said, “It was uncomfortable for me to try them on as I was and the boys’ changing room is a distance away.”
“ No you will need to use the women’s dressing room. I will stand guard outside the first changing room and if you need help, your mother can do that.” I baulked saying it was not a good idea. But Mom pushed me and handed me the clothes.
I went into the changing room and tried on the outfit and while it looked nice, I thought the skirt was short. The saleswoman asked me to step out for them to see. Mom insisted I step out and they liked what they saw. I continued to complain. The saleswoman said there was another skirt, but it was shorter. “You know, if you are dressing up for a friend, you might as well to be sensitized to how a woman feels every day.”
“Touché,” replied my mother. “We can either get this outfit or stand her and argue, but I thought you wanted to be out of here when school got out.”
The saleswoman smiled and said, “I take guess it is a sale then. As nice as you look, you don’t need to worry about others, I think you make a convincing young woman.”
I thanked her for the compliment, as my mom nudge me and we got into a discussion as things were rung up. She had a cousin who crossdressed but she said he went through years of grief and teasing. She wished me luck and asked me to come back. As we were leaving, she asked if my brothers were supportive and nice to me.
I had not told her I had brothers. “I recognized your mother from being with Roger, so I am guessing you are the youngest brother.” She gave me a hug and shared it would be our secret, but she did hope to see me back.
A number of young shoppers were showing up at the store. As younger girl was passing by she said, “Look Mummy isn’t she a pretty girl for a boy.” My mom took my hand and whisked me to the car. She smiled, did you realize that girl was not aghast at seeing you, but saw you as a boy who made a pretty girl.
Mom asked me if I had Marie’s phone number and then asked me to call her. I was sure Marie would still be at school with activities and unable to answer her phone. I called but when Marie answered and I said hello, Mom took the phone from my hand. “Marie, it’s Jeff’s mom and I wanted to share I got her a new skirt outfit for Wednesday, what I wanted to know was if you had any idea of what to do to make her hair more like a girl’s.”
Marie asked who, she, was? Mom apologized, and shared she was Mrs. G, Jeff’s mom. Marie giggled and asked if she could call us when we got home. I was totally embarrassed and just thankful that Marie had not yet told on me. She had quickly guessed I had been caught cross dressing.
I did not know but Marie had already guessed that I had dressed in girl’s clothes. She called me an hour later, and when I asked where she was she said downstairs talking to my mother about Wednesday. When I got to the kitchen she laughed as I was still in her old skirt and blouse. Mom had not allowed me to change my clothes.
“Oh Jeff I didn’t realize we wore the same size… I told your mom that my mother had said you could stay over tomorrow so we could get you up early and help you get dressed on time. My mom has a wig we could use for the day.”
I was taken aback by all that was happening but was very accepting. Even when dad came home, while there was a small explosion, he quickly changed. I could tell he was not happy in seeing me as a girl, but he was actually strong in his acceptance. He, in fact, insisted that I go to school on tomorrow, Tuesday, dressed as a girl.
Marie was going to let me wear a pair of her jeans and a blouse. My father insisted that the outfit be very feminine and girl like. He preferred a skirt, and insisted on make-up and a bra as well as doing my hair in some fashion. I insisted everyone understood that I was doing this in support of Eddy.
Marie went home and came back with a culottes’ jean skirt and a lace embroidered blouse called a camisole, a white blouse to go over it and a bra. It made for a sharp outfit on Marie. Marie also brought back a fall that she often wore. Our hair colors were both dark and nearly the same shade of brown; so with a hair wide band it actually worked quite well.
Mom woke me up 45 minutes earlier in the morning. By the time I was dressed and to begin my make-up I got a call from Marie. She knew my mother was waking me up early. She asked me how the girl regiment was going. She also encouraged me to remember my outfit for the following day.
I was progressing along fine, but I actually started to become sick, Mom said I was having a small panic attack as I saw a boy in girl’s clothing. Mom quickly nixed the idea that I would be sick and staying home. She used a comb on the front of my hair, took a pair of scissors and cut my hair and brushed it giving me the appearance of sweeping bangs.
She pulled a few eye brows and worked on my make-up. The next time I looked there was a strange girl looking back. When I went to eat breakfast I was hassled by my brothers, my mom spoke up and told them to take it easy, but she did not tell them to stop.
Dad chimed in on his way out to work. He too shared that his youngest looked a mixture of plain Jane and a pansy boy, suggesting to my mom I needed a bit more make-up. Mom told me to redo my lips after breakfast and to put on some light eye shadow.
I did as I was told and was ready when Marie and Sandy came to pick me up. Marie lightly laughed and Sandy smiled as they saw me. Marie asked my mom if they could help me with my make-up and being a girl a little. I spoke up that they should be asking me, but my mom spoke up and said yes.
She told me as I left I needed to get my Christmas wish list in.
Marie took me by the hand and we scooted out to the car. I was called back out when I jumped into the car. Marie said, “Culottes or skirts the rules were the same; you don’t act as a boy or a girl who does not care.” I had to get out and do it right.
My brothers teased me, and my mother looked on with a smile.
Sandy and Marie did almost all of the talking though much of it was directed at or about me. Sandy asked how long I had been dressing in girl clothes.
I told her I was just doing it for Eddy but Marie told her I had taken some of her clothes that she tried to throw out. Sandy said, “Unless your mother dressed and did everything, it looks like you have had done it before. So what interests you in girl clothes?”
“I am not interested in girl clothes Marie and Mom are the ones making this a big deal.”
“Is that why you have a new outfit for tomorrow and you are dressing as a girl today?”
When we got to school I quickly became real scared and said I need to go home and change. “Your Mom expected this and shared, she and your dad said you needed to go through with it. I will help you as much as I can. I think Eddy will help you but he is not sure if his support would be helpful or make things worse.
Walking into school on a scale of 1 to 10 was a 2 and falling, but when we separated ways I quickly stuck out like a sore thumb. Besides getting heckled I was pushed or bumped into my locker several times. Losing my balance and falling down brought laughter from many. Though one girl and then another came to help me.
A girl named Gail in homeroom said I needed to fix my make-up. The homeroom teacher quickly spoke up and told me to go to the girls’ room and do the same. She lightly smiled, when I said, “I don’t think I can.” She took Gail and me out to the hall way and told me to quickly fix my make-up there. Even though it was not crossover day, the teachers did not give me any trouble.
I focused on my classes to avoid the side comments that were being said. Two teachers complimented my classroom behavior was much better and jokingly suggested I continue if that would be the result. I even had two quizzes and found them easier to concentrate on. Many of my regular friends said hello but most backed-off from doing anything with me.
Ed was the one exception. He asked about my ears being pierced and what I liked most about being a girl. I told him it was like one accident after another that snowballed going downhill. He said I looked like a pretty snowball. I surprised myself thanking him for the compliment. We even talked about how girls had it nicer than guys.
He asked me if I would ever go out dressed like a girl. He smiled when I told him I already had been shopping with my Mom. “That is neat, I hope you enjoyed it. But I meant would you ever go out with a boy as a girl.”
“I don’t think I will ever have to worry about some guy asking me out.”
I blushed when he said he would, and if you look any better I think there might even be a few other boys who would ask you.”
“I take that as an unwanted compliment” and then I got quiet.
“What is your girl name?”
“I thought about Jessica, it would be two “s” instead of “f”.”
“So you have thought as a girl. I am glad you are doing this for me, but admit it you are also doing it for yourself.”
“Don’t go there Eddy, I am doing it for you period.”
We were going down the hall when I got knocked hard into the lockers, then again and finally someone punched me in the face. Ed said I was bleeding a bit, which in a strange way was a relief. I needed to go to the restroom, but thought I couldn’t, this would give me an excuse for going to the nurse’s office and using the restroom there.
Nurse Hansen was a friend of the family and she had mixed emotions about seeing me. “Jeff… what am I to call you?”
“Jeff is fine.”
“Tell be your girl name if you have one.”
“Jess or Jessica, but please just call me Jeff today.”
“So Jess what happened and where are you hurt?”
“I got blocked into a set of lockers twice and then punched and I am not sure who did it. You can see my cut… I need to go to the restroom.”
“If that is why you came in you can sit there five minutes.”
“But what if I can’t wait five minutes?”
“You will probably wet your panties,” she whispered and smiled.
“Now where else did you get hurt?”
“If you need to know I hit the lockers with my hip and shoulder, but I don’t think either was bad.”
“How do you like being on the short end of a girl problem?”
“I don’t and I don’t hit girls or guys like this.”
“I know you have been taught better, but I have also seen some innocent people hurt by the trouble you get yourself into. Now behind the screen and I want to check your hip and shoulder just as a precaution.”
“You’re not doing it to humble me a little.”
She smiled, “No that is just an added benefit then… You look okay, I suggest you use the restroom, and check your make-up before getting back to class after you help with a few items. I hope tomorrow will be the last of this, if you can.” I went back to class.
Marie was in my last class, she passed me a note saying, “If they thought you too girly today what will they think tomorrow?” A second note came from Sandy, “Nice job on touching up your make-up and hair.” I smiled as I thought it was a nice compliment coming from a girl who is good at both.
When school was over I knew had a few guys waiting for me at the exit to the parking lot. Marie suggested I let them get the car and we would use the NE exit. That worked fine, but Sandy stopped at a store suggesting we go and get something to drink. I said no but they were already on their way inside.
I got practice trying to keep my composure while blushing big time. Sandy took us to Marie’s and Mrs. Ford welcomed me warmly. “You can go and change into what you are wearing tomorrow, I hear you are real cute in it.”
“The outfit might be cute but not on me.”
“That is why we are checking it out tonight. You should be looking even more like a girl tomorrow. Though I am impressed with how good you already look… I suspect that is one of the things that upset the boys.”
“I don’t think it was how good I looked, just being dressed as a girl was enough, but there is no good excuse for a guy to get away with that anyway.”
“I agree with you there, but did you ever say that before you got saw someone else get knocked around?”
“Maybe not as much as I should have, but yes, I don’t like others being bullied.”
“Mom, I remember sometimes he was on the short end for defending someone. I have not always spoken up as quickly as he has.”
Sandy “Yeah, I remember once in fifth grade he came to my rescue and really let a bigger kid have it. I never believed I would see that dynamo in skirts.”
Mrs. Ford told me, “Go get changed and do not listen to all the nice things being said.” I baulked at the idea but Mrs. Ford strongly said she was not kidding and I was to get to it. I went and changed, including wearing my new panties and one of Marie’s old bras.
Before I dressed Marie told me “Take a shower and shave your legs and shampoo and condition my hair.” I did as she told me and while my legs weren’t very hairy I was pleasantly surprised by how nice my legs felt. The pantyhose and skirt felt especially nice as I put them on.
Marie and Sandy kept pestering me to see me in the outfit. I told them I was dressed but not ready to come out so they came in to see me. I was embarrassed but they were overjoyed to see me. Sandy helped me to put my hair up in a ponytail as I already wore it long for a guy.
Marie found me a pair of shoes to wear. The shoes had a two inch heel which was acceptable for school. Mrs. Ford was very nice when she saw me, but I was not ready to be seen by her husband and two younger daughters. The youngest spoke up, “Mommy, are you going to make her to be a pretty girl?”
We were put to work setting the table. The others had to go wash but I stayed behind with Mrs. Ford to help with the meal. We had a good dinner and I was fairly relaxed by the end of the meal. Mr. Ford cleaned up the table and got their younger girls ready for bed. Sandy and Marie did the dishes.
Mrs. Ford took me to her bathroom to work on make-up. She had me cleanse my face and then focused on showing me how to use a concealer, foundation and then lightly did my make-up. She said we would use a bit more in the morning; she just wanted to show me how nice I could look and gain a little confidence before I slept.
They kept me away from mirrors as they marveled at my transformation. They were almost done as Marie was sent to get the wig. The was wig was with dark hair and not the dirty-blonde that Marie had said the day before, and more typical for high school instead of style Mrs. Ford might wear. Mrs. Ford put it in place, pinned it on and brushed it out. It felt nice to feel longer hair down the back of my neck and being brushed and combed into place.
Their youngest girl was so excited and complimenting the beautiful job her mother was doing. Mrs. Ford asked her to be quiet, “But Mommy she should be excited about being such a pretty girl.” I thought she was being very nice, but I did not really believe her enthusiasm. They had me close my eyes as they walked me over to a mirror. “Open your eyes Jessie, and tell us what you see.”
“Oh my God, there’s a beautiful girl there!” My knees started to go out as someone caught me. Then I needed to run for the bathroom before I peed. It was embarrassing as Marie led me in, turned me around and undid the button and started the zipper. I was pulling things down as she went out and shut the door behind her.
“I guess she is happy with how she looks,” I heard her mom say. I was nervous, having hoped I put myself back together properly.
“O she is very much a girl isn’t she.” I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. “Knees together when you are sitting and sit up straight please,” she said. I did as she asked. Mrs. Ford took a number of pictures. Mrs. Ford and Marie took turns holding me as I was getting use to heels. They were encouraging me on how good I should feel going into tomorrow. They kept me dressed up, walking around and sitting for well over another 30 minutes.
Marie was sent to run a bubble bath for me. I complained that bubble baths were for girls and the others laughed. When I took the bubble bath I enjoyed being a girl. Mrs. Ford came in to visit with me when I was ready for bed. I asked where I was sleeping. She shared, if it is safe; she would have me sleep in the extra bed in Marie’s room.
Unfortunately it was safe as Marie was one of my best friends, I saw Marie like a sister. I would have been interested in dating her but I saw her as far too pretty, special and out of my class when it came to dating. I didn’t think I would be allowed to sleep in Marie’s room as I was still all boy. Well maybe not all boy.
I was in a set of teddy bear pajamas and told I made a good girl. She tucked me in while Marie was still in the shower. I was tickled as it had been since I was a little boy that I remembered being tucked into bed. I was almost asleep when Marie came back into the room, forgetting I was there.
She drying her hair with a large towel wrapped around her chest. The towel was a good size but not fully covering everything it needed to, but it did not make a difference as she let it loosen and fall to the floor. I was shocked and instead of turning my head I was like a deer caught in the headlights.
Marie had fun as she recovered, dried herself off and put on a nice red satin pair of pajamas. I had to quickly get up and run to the bathroom as I was so nervous once again.
I was back in bed when Marie came over and put a clear lip gloss on me to keep my lips nice and soft. I told her I wanted to go out and sleep on the couch before I got into trouble. Marie told me I would be forced to tell what happened if I tried sleeping on the couch now. It was after 12:30 when I had fallen asleep.
Marie scooted into my bed, held me and asked me to talk about what I was doing and how long I had been like this. I tried to make excuses but she did away with one after the other. “Jeff, you were wearing clothes I was giving away and left to be picked up. Tonight, you put on some make-up contrary to mom’s instruction, yet you looked very good. You have been doing it for awhile… Your mom told my mom, your parents are following the directions of a counselor. He said you need to learn to live with the consequences even if that means embarrassing yourself or getting in trouble.”
“My Mom has a friend as well as a distant relative who are transgender people in different ways, as well as co-workers who are gay or lesbian. She doesn’t believe your parents have been given good counsel on how to respond to you,” Marie said.
“Marie, I am not gay. I…” I started to cry. We talked for awhile, but I fell asleep.”
Mrs. Ford found us together when she came to get us up. Marie quickly explained our conversation and my falling asleep on her. Luckily Mrs. Ford knew Marie was telling the truth. We were quickly sent into action in getting prepared for the day. I was dressed and went to eat breakfast before doing my make-up.
“Mrs. Ford, is it true that you have a distant member hassled as she went through life as a Transgender (TG) person?
She told me yes, but we didn’t have time to get into a discussion.
Today when we got to school, Sandy and Marie followed Jess all the way to her locker. I walked with Marie back to her locker and then continued on to homeroom.
Two classmates had recognized Jessie as Jeff and found themselves talking to me as one of the girls. One was about ready to ask Jessie out when she saw Eddy come up and begin to talk with him. Jess made it to the end of her third class before she was called down to the principal’s office.
Jeff you failed to register yourself to attend the school contrary to school policy both yesterday and today. I said part of today’s event indicates that for some that policy is arbitrary and discriminated against them.
“Your case has more merit if you are willing to acknowledge that you are gay and that you choose this as an optional form of dress for the remainder of the school year,” said the Principal.
I am not gay but I do acknowledge I am doing it to stand up for Eddy and others.
That is not recognized as an excuse for not abiding by the rules and without the permission slip of your parents find you guilty of breaking two code violations as well as not having registered for today’s action as requested by the school. You face two days of detention and two days of suspension. Your parents have asked for the school’s forgiveness and understanding and the discipline to be dropped if you would change back into proper attire and agree not to break school policy in the future.”
“I am sorry but to do so would belittle this day. You might not like it, but the school board approved it!” I ate lunch with Marie, Sandy and Eddy. Ed shared that my cross dressing yesterday made it easier for some students to accept today.
More than a few people had warmed to Eddy and some of the other TG students. I hear a few new dates were even being made. A basketball player asked me if I would go out with her, with the one requirement for her was that I went as Jessie. I actually had another good day with class work. There were other teachers and students making threats and not happy to see more students acting like me today. This issue could get a bit bigger if you want to cause us trouble.
Oddly Jessie was reading and speaking better than Jeff. Once during school and then immediately after Marie called to “Jeff” to get my attention but it was not until she called me “Jess” that I responded. The last class when I handed in a paper I was called up to the teacher and she challenged the paper I turned in saying it was not mine.
It was then noticed that we noticed Jessie had her own hand writing. She gave me a note I was to take and share with the school nurse. Nurse Hansen shook her head muttering it was not good. Seemingly she knew something I didn’t. She said “Your father will see to it that it is not a concern in the future.” I was sent back to class to finish school for the day.
Some other students complimented me for at least looking like a girl. Several girls got into conversations with me about how nice my skirt and top was. They liked asking questions if I would go shopping with them or how I went to the bathroom. During my second period class a group of girls were talking with me and were even asking if I would go out on a group date if they got me a guy.
I said, “That is not funny and there weren’t any nice guys who would go out with me.”
“So you would go out if we lined up a date with a nice guy?”
Girls throughout the day found one excuse or another for touching the fabric of my clothes and lifting a hem. What I didn’t enjoy was being told because I looked more natural, I was more acceptable than others. They said they did not believe in hitting or beating up TG people but that most were kind of asking for it.
I disagreed, “Eddy and others have much more courage in being themselves than I do.”
Marie and Sandy gave me a ride home, but we went by the way of Kohls. I knew better than to buy anything, but the cosmetic lady was gracious to giving each of us a light makeover. Several other girls from school had come searching us out. We went to an ice cream shoppe on the way home. Four of the five girls, bought one cosmetic item I should have.
Several workers including our waitress figured out it was me. The waitress shared she was happy but surprised that my parents would let me do this. When I told her they bought the outfit she was really surprised.
Marie and Sandy wanted to stop for a while but my mom encouraged them not to as Jeff needed to get back to being himself. Marie asked if I was in trouble. Mom responded it would be what I made it. I went and changed and mom asked me to collect my girl things and to place them in a trash bag. I intended to go back as Jeff, but I was leery and upset about what would happen with my girl stuff.
I had my jeans and a shirt on and was back out doing my chores. I felt odd and missed having a skirt and my girl clothes on but knew I would get over it. I did go back to my room and put on a pair of panties and a set of earrings on. My brothers gave me just a bit of grief saying it had been embarrassing to have a sissy sister all of a sudden. We got in a few arguments, not the least was about me being a sissy. The truth was my family was usually very open-minded but I guess that was as long as it didn’t get too close to home and family.
Dad was no sooner home and I was being told I had my taste and now that stage of my life was to be over and done. Dad told me to get all my stuff and it would be thrown out. I got mad but kept my cool and asked if we could put it out for Goodwill or Salvation Army.
Dad said, I could bag it up separately and if it got collected fine but it was all to go. I had everything bagged up by 7:00 p.m. Dad asked if that was all and then called me a liar as I still had earrings on. I apologized but Dad was set on everything being thrown out. Luckily I had double bagged my stuff as he was putting my bags into larger bags of garbage just to crush my girl spirit.
He mentioned a doctor we had gone to who said I needed to be forced to get over it. I pleaded with my mom to intervene to get my dad to be a little fairer. Mom gave me a hug but said we needed to do as my Dad said.
Suddenly I snapped and said “You know it is that Doctor who lied and my thoughts and feelings have always come back. The Fords and others know and you can’t take my friends away from me.”
Dad snapped back, “You and Marie are not to be together until this is over and if need be you will not be part of things when we are together! Do you understand. Mrs. Ford knew this is your last hooray and that it is to be over.”
“She would not agree with that!”
Mom said, “She doesn’t have to agree but she is willing to do as we ask. She and Marie will get over it, now so do you.”
I was getting more upset and losing my temper at the moment. I remembered a dress that I hid away. I ran off found the dress and changed. When Mom checked on me she was dismayed and called by Dad. My Dad said maybe it was just as well, maybe it was Jessie and not Jeff that needed to be punished. My dad pulled me over to him sat down, raised the skirt of the dress and gave me a good spanking.
Dad told me to get to bed before I got into more trouble. I went to bed but waited only for my parents to leave me alone and to do other things. It was 10:30 when I snuck out my window and collected my girl clothes and took them over to the Fords. I asked Marie to hide and save them for me. It was an hour later and I saw a police car at my home. I knew I was in trouble but I neither wanted to be caught dressed like a girl or to be in trouble again with my father. I stayed in the neighborhood close enough to see but not be seen. But it was getting colder and I did not have enough clothes. I stopped at a convenient store for a hot chocolate, and was gone and away just before a police car came and stopped.
I checked the nearby churches to discover all were locked, but I knew the train station that had a waiting area that would be open and heated.
I had a change of clothes so I could go to school. I did not want to get in trouble for skipping school as well. I was called to the office at 11:00 a.m.
The police came there and my parents soon after that. I was told I needed to change now and go home after school. If the police came after me I would could find myself in juvenile court. Mom had asked me for my Christmas list, but both my parents became angry when I listed a doll and make-up kit and girl clothes. I said I knew I was not getting them, but they needed to respect my own beliefs.
One of my brothers was teasing me and we got in a fight, but only I was chided. Dad was told by the advising doctor to do anything that secured my male identity. So my dad was taking me to the barbers, getting a regular haircut would not a surprise.
When my dad requested a butch hair cut, I quickly bolted out of the seat. I was next to the door when I stopped and requested a change of haircuts. Instead of giving any ground my dad said I needed to get back in the chair and not get in more trouble. My brother mocked me and said, “Say good-bye to the sissy.”
I said “No.” I pushed my brother as he came for me I bolted out of the door and down the street. My brother is usually faster, but he was surprised and not ready to run after me. I quickly ran over to another block, and then made my way to various hiding places.
I knew I was in big trouble this time and I quickly called Marie to ask if she or Sandy could give me a little money as I needed to be running and did not want to get in trouble for stealing. I would make my way to the Ford’s and Marie would have dropped her coat out the window with as much money as she could find. She had busted into her bank, I could tell by the fact the dollars were squished and there was a lot of change. She had thrown out a book bag with three skirt outfits and a note suggesting I stay in the top of their garage tonight.
I figured people would be looking for a boy trying to get lost in NYC, but I knew that was way too risky as well as much more expensive. I caught a ride to Somerville and made my way to Flemington by the next evening. I was eating at a diner when I noticed a police officer looking my way. He came over and asked me my name and we talked.
He sat back down finished his coffee and left. While I was finishing eating two State Troopers came in, one a woman officer. As I was going out the woman called to be as “Jessie’. When I turned she knew she had made me and asked me to stand still please. I panicked and started to run outside.
They were in pursuit and when ran I twisted my ankle and hit my hip falling down as I tried to run from them. The woman officer was on me just lightly holding me down. “Jessie, it is over, please do not make it worse on yourself.” She asked me if I was hurt and then checked my ankle.
“Do you think you can ride with me to the hospital or do we need to cuff you and go directly to jail?” The injuries landed me in the hospital instead of a juvenile detention center. She asked if I was in fact the runaway Jessica Green. She thanked me when I acknowledge I was. By morning I was also in for a seventy-two hour psyche evaluation. The hospital gave me the choice and I chose the pink hospital gown. I drew a resident doctor to head up my evaluation and I quickly liked her as she allowed me to wear the girl clothes I had with me when arrested.
Dr. Deb took my history of cross dressing. She affirmed the other doctor’s steps of suppressing my gender identity issues, were not considered effective by most and tended to more long term damage instead of affectively being therapeutic. It was neither client centered nor good medicine.
The other doctor was granted permission to do his own evaluation on behalf of the family. That doctor advised my parents that the circumstances of hospital, juvenile detention and the holidays would cause me to quickly fall in line and for my parents not to back down on their stance.
Visits from the Fords, Sandy and Eddy helped me through the coming days. Marie actually redid my nails as we visited. I was making friends with many on the hospital staff as well as with the police keeping an eye on me. Dr. Hardcore as I came to call him requested my clothing be changed and my hair be cut at the request of the family. But the Hospital refused as I was now the ward of the state and courts. One nurse in brushing out my hair said it was now long enough to hold a girly hair doo.
I became tense of Monday, day three of my evaluation. The finding warranted an extended stay, and the possibility of my being verified to have a gender identity dysphoria. I had two possibilities of being home for the holidays the first required I gave in: 1) included giving in to the family requests; 2) no more running away and 3) to give up my friends at odds with the family’s decisions for my benefit.
The other possibility was for someone being willing to take me on as a foster child. Since I was still nervous I had an ankle monitor put on me. It was now Wednesday and I was melancholy as Christmas was coming and my fate was still at the hospital. Group homes didn’t want me and it was unlikely I would be place until after Christmas.
It was Wednesday afternoon when I had a strange visitor. Mrs. Sharon Petersen had come to visit me, with her two year old daughter. She had been my sixth grade grammar teacher. Unfortunately, while I liked her very much I had caused her grief on numerous occasions. But why is she here?
She introduced her daughter Brianna who I took and cuddled in my arms. “Miss. Stafford, I am sorry for how I was in sixth grade, but what brings you here? Your daughter has your good looks and fine features.”
She heard I was in the hospital and would be remaining through Christmas. “Thanks, Brianna is a pretty girl and a great joy. I have the desire to help make this a very happy Christmas for some girl and us.”
“But why are you here?”
“I was hoping you would come and help us fill my Christmas wish.”
“But I am not accepted as a girl and I do not know how I could bless your Christmas with anything but trouble.”
“I am told you are here because you are not willing to give up your second self. I thought you would welcome a chance to be a girl and have a merry Christmas.”
“That chance and would be beautiful, but I treasured you as a teacher, but I hurt you and I have never forgiven myself. And to spend Christmas with you and then come back here; it would be better to remain here and not hurt you again.”
“The biggest hurt would in fact be if you would not be Brianna’s big sister for Christmas.”
Dr. Deb came in and Ms Petersen asked about the possibility of having me with them during the holidays. Deb openly shared it would be a big responsibility. The hospital and authorities would not be quick to grant the request with a favorable outcome.
Sharon asked if I could watch Brianna while they talked. I requested the diaper bag as I was sure Bri needed to be changed. They no sooner left and Brianna said “Potty.” I knew one girl on the floor who had a potty chair for her toddler and we asked permission to use it. Bri was a good girl and did go potty.
I still had to clean her up. I took her around to see the other residents and she brought a smile to them and the staff. I watched Bri for over an hour. Marie and Mrs. Ford came to visit and were taken back by my being in such a girl mode.
“You looked every bit of a big sister there Jessie.” They both knew Mrs. Petersen and were happy to think someone might share their Christmas with me.
Marie spoke up as Ms Petersen was coming in the room behind her. “Jess, you are a little too old to be her daughter.”
“Marie would you mind if that were my problem. Jessie has warmed my heart and if she would call me mother I would be very happy.” Marie jumped and blushed in embarrassment. She gave Ms. Petersen a big hug. Marie not only knew Ms. Petersen as a teacher but was a big sister who helped middle school students now. I did not know it but Ms. Petersen had returned as a teacher.
“Is Jessie the girl you told me about?” Marie confirmed her suspicion.
Dr. Deb came back into the room with news, sharing there were a lot of things to work out and a real possibility that they won’t be. We will not know until tomorrow or Friday. She squeezed my hand and asked me to stay calm or ask for help if needed. I shared I would and went back to visiting the others.
Ms. Petersen was amused that Bri went potty for me and I had no trouble taking care of her. She took Bri and they soon said good-bye, but that she hope to see me tomorrow or Friday. I was getting worked up as they left and the Fords gave me a big group hug and held me until I calmed down.
Mrs. Ford took to brushing out my hair to help me calm down. One of the nurses came in asking if I needed my medication. I asked if we could wait to see if I could calm down without it. She agreed and sat down with us. She turned to Marie and asked her to teach me some girl therapy. Like taking more pride in my appearance.
I spoke up and shared if I were going someplace I would. Marie shared, “That is what she is talking about. Taking care of you doesn’t depend on going someplace or other people. Jessie, like Jeff, you need to take pride in yourself and develop her own self esteem.”
To be Continued
My apologies for the original posting of this story. While it was warmly received and complimented; readers and me, the writer, know it was not well edited by me. You have helped me to grow and become more responsible as a writer. Hopefully the revision is a work of my appreciation of you the readers. the second chapter will follow in about four days.
Jeff/Jessie or Jessica Green
Mom Green Dad Green
Brothers: Roger, Dan, Doug
Marie Ford - Close friend Sandy – Friend through Marie
Mrs. Ford – Marie’s Mother – very supportive
Mrs. Petersen, former sixth grade teacher Miss Stafford
Matt Petersen – Husband
Brianna, Bree Petersen
Dr. Hardcore (Nickname/for parents doctor/counselor advising them
Dr Myrt (Dr. over Dr. Deb) Dr. Deb Walters
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