I’m still emotional as I lay there and try to let things matriculate with everything that happened. I slip my shoes off and actually just roll a little more on the bed and take one of my pillows and I hug it hard.
Yes I’m letting myself be Angel…so I hug my pillow and put my face into it and lay there replaying aside from the two goons…one of the best moments of my life. It’s so good some parts have me in tears.
I never thought I’d have anyone…not really. Or not this soon. College maybe, once I got out of that damned school and away from Adam and all of that stuff and out in the real world where I’d be out of sight and out of mind.
Rayne…I’m her girlfriend.
And that doesn’t bother me. I mean its gender and gender can be fluid right? And it’s just pronouns and labels. I’m Angel and Angel is Jason. Me as a girl, Me living as a girl and it’s just working.
Like the no shame in crying and hugging my pillow and having big, nervy happy tears.
I feel better for it actually. Enough that I get up and start getting undressed and changed well into a robe and take my basket. It’s got my soaps and lotions and stuff. I have a hot, hot shower and I actually get lost in this fantasy with Rayne and hair washing and her being…I’m glad we have a good drain and It was worth getting soap in my eyes.
I’m thoughtful and semi guilty enough though I really give the shower and tub a good scrubbing…yeash, I think that hasn’t had a good scrubbing since the last time I did it. I have to fight the urge to do the rest of the bathroom. No…and besides the fact that it’s really late they’ll just be in here tomorrow.
I slip into my room and tie my hair up in a towel then lotion up and stuff in here. I like the plain pink bottled baby lotion and I like the way that it smells. I take time to lotion up my feet and slip on some ankle socks while it soaks in and get into my panties and a nightshirt.
Hey I like my feet and girls shoes can be hard on them sometimes and I’ve noticed that the girls really don’t do a lot of foot care. I mean I never did either but it’s different. Heels, flats, open toed, it’s more stuff I need to keep in mind and I get comfortable before drifting off.
I wake up early, and I slip down stairs and I brush out my hair fast and a little spritz of Juicy and a burst of deodorant and some make up and I slip into some yoga pants and head downstairs to make breakfast.
I so want a two burner griddle pan.
Bacon and sausages on the George foreman grill, toast going and I dig out the jams and stuff while the scrambled eggs are fluffing…the secret to great awesome scrambled eggs? Beat the whites first and just a tiny bit of salt and baking powder in the yolks…like a quarter teaspoon of each for about four eggs and butter…with a kiss of oil.
The oil keeps the butter from scorching and then turn the heat down and add the eggs you just want it so the heat cooks them lightly and you can fold them in on themselves just a few times them let them react to the baking powder and they will be all soft and fluffy and buttery.
The thing is its Dad’s recipe not Moms. I guess his grandfather was a ships cook on some fancy ocean steamliner and he had all sorts of stuff. He taught Dad it when he was like six or so and Dad taught me so we could do breakfast in bed for Mom.
Good eggs should rival clotted cream Dad said great grandpa used to say. I don’t know, I’ve never ever tried it before or a lot of the other fancy stuff. But I do like eggs benny; well I’m a sucker for a good poached egg.
I’ll have to try those with the girls some morning or soft boiled with toast soldiers. The perk is just gurgling away when I hear Kimmie pounding out Tom Sawyer on her drums along with the band.
I don’t hear Brooklyn on the guitar playing along so that means she was sleeping pretty soundly until then and I set the table and make up some leftover lunches still from Sunday and…yep it’s for the soup pot after this.
I set the table and I make the coffees and Rayne a half slice of homemade cinnamon toast. While I eat the other half and I’m leaning on the banister of the stairs as Brooklyn’s the first one out of her room sleepy and bedraggled and she sort of squints through her hair and sniffs. I pass her a mug of coffee.
“Oh jeebus thanks Angel.” She kisses my cheek and stumbles off headed to the bathroom and then Rayne’s coming out of her room also bleary eyed but she looks and me and smiles, bites her lip a little and blushes.
She takes the coffee and she takes a long sip and then she gives me a peck on the cheek. I pass her the slice of toast. She smiles and takes a bite.
“Mmm, you don’t have to do this y’know. You’re spoiling us and really spoiling me. You should still be sleeping in.”
“I’ll go back to sleep once you guys are off. I want to be up and have breakfast with you guys and stuff before you’re all gone for the day.”
“Well thank you, but bringing us coffee’s is still a bit much.”
“I want to. But especially for my girlfriend.”
“But you don’t have to; I’m not that high maintenance.”
“No it’s just…you don’t have t….”
I lean in and I kiss her and stroke her sides before breaking it. “But I want to then…go get ready for work I’ll meet you downstairs.”
I head downstairs and I move my legs a bit taking steps that are one foot going in front of another instead of like normal front adjacent….it’s like tightrope walking a bit but I’m not being that exact with it. Just to kind of see if I can get an wiggle going…hmm…I need to work on that I think, a little sway might just go a long ways to my disguise but I want it to be mine and something natural.
It doesn’t take long before the girls are all down and they’re eating and Kim is really hitting the toast hard it’s all homemade bread so I don’t toast it toast it. No…just cut it about and inch thick butter it and toss it into a medium hot pan to sort of fry, grill toast.
It’s actually a thing of Mom’s that she had picked up as a kid from some diner her family ate at in Alabama when they were on some family trip.
But Kim more than any of us is really into the homemade stuff. She grew up in upper middle classed apartment country. I’m sure home made anything was something on a label. Honestly I knew there were kids out there like Kim that whole rich version of the latch-key kids.
I’m hugged by both of them before her and Brooklyn head off and I’m watching them go as I see Mike’s Z-28 go past like he was waiting for the girls. He waves and I wave back as he passes then Rayne slips up as she’s heading up and she kisses me in the doorway all nice and soft and sweet.
“That was a great breakfast Angel… (Kisses.) really…(Kisses.)…great… (Kisses.)…I’ll see you later…I’ll call you later.”
“Oh…god…yeah okay…” I smile at her delightfully breathy and smiling and feeling just…she gives me another kiss and she takes my coffee mug from my hands and puts another in them.
“I know how you like your stoop time.” She gives me another long sweet kiss before she heads off to the van and waves to me as she leaves for work.
Rayne made me a coffee. She made me a coffee because she knows that I like to sit out on the steps of the house.
I close the door and I sit down and I lean my back against it and I revel in the whole thing from the date last night and just this morning and the fact that she did this…just out of the blue did this because…she wanted to.
I just settle into those feelings and let then just blend into the morning. Yeah I’m running on about three hours of sleep right now but it’s so nice to just sit and stop, have my coffee and just watch the world go by without me having to worry about any of it.
I read somewhere that if you do something like this regularly that it pulls the stress out of you so much that you’ll be healthier and life longer.
I can see that.
I’m out there a good half and hour and then head inside and get on the computer and send it out to Rayne to get on her phone. [Best coffee ever:)]
I take a snap of the mug too with my lipstick on the mug and put it up on the site with. “The best GF ever made me my first coffee…Hugs all.”
Rayne’s Facebook page says in a relationship.
I change mine too.
Okay I’m now too hyper for bed so I head into the kitchen clean things up and I toss the leftovers of some of the stuff from Sunday into a container to freeze. When it’s full I’ll make a soup. I just write a T on it and then I fill our juices and water bottles for the show tonight and just set out the stuff for hotdogs and I cut and soak some fries.
Then I hit and clean the bathrooms and smile when I find the garbage was taken out and there’s new bin bags there and there’s a load of our washing already done and the rest is separated and the delicates are soaking.
“Right on girls.”
I go back upstairs after switching out loads and I go and get some sleep.
I wake about one in the afternoon and just putter around straightening my room and going through my clothes and listening to music, making and trying on my outfits and trying out my walk and even trying that whole trick with the book and everything.
Then some TV but daytime TV really is next to useless. So I get online and watch some shows about Yoga and stuff and try some of that out then I get onto a few other sites and look up stuff on how to’s for MTF’s and pick up a few tricks about voice and make-up and things like that and by the time I’m bored with that and get downstairs to set up for practice and stuff it’s time to put on the hot dogs and I make some stove top out of the box mac ‘n cheese to go with it.
Oh, I don’t boil my hot dogs…eew.
Do that and I might as well serve up those Vienna sausages in a can.
The girls are the first ones home and they’re in and getting changed and I hear Kimmie. “Told ya Ange would have supper ready. Hi Mom!”
“I’m not your mother! I’m just keeping us on track!................and clean your room Kimberly!”
That has us all laughing and giggling a bit.
It’s just toned down clothes until it’s time to get ready and I have everything cooked by the time that Rayne get’s in and she looks bushed.
“Yeah actually there was a whole run on stuff in the department with some of the Beiber stuff getting released and there was some new video game or something too that came out and it was busy at the cashes and then re-stocking because it’ll still likely be running like this tomorrow.”
“Yikes sounds like a long day.”
“Yeah, I wish Hell-mart paid on commission like Futile-shop did.”
“Future-shop but just more accurate, all the people there just want to sell you crap and don’t know a damned thing about it half the time.”
I lead Rayne to the sofa and pull off her sneakers and her socks and I take some of the lotion I keep in my purse out and I start giving her a foot rub. She jerks her feet back with this whole ticklish bit but I smile but hold her ankle. “Chill, I’m not going to tickle you.”
It’s a little dom-girl maybe? And there’s this look there like the huh look? Oh really look in her eyes and then a shy sort of smile and I start to rub her feet, bend her toes…I’m not sure what she likes but I find that the tense stuff for me is the whole toes area like in the joints and in back right there at the point where the Achilles tendon is and I massage that until it loosens up and I smile some more as she get’s this cat zone on catnip look and she leans back until her head and her hair is off the back of the arm of the sofa.
“Oh holy molley Angel this…this is…wow…I’ve never had this done before.”
“I thought that you’d have had this done in the whole mani-pedi thing?”
“Mmmm…nope, I’ve never had one. I never could make myself pay out that kind of cash.”
“Oh…well maybe I’ll learn how to do that or something.”
“Oh no those fingers of yours are mine.”
“You know what I mean and yes to that too…The last thing I want is you to be rubbing some other woman’s feet and her falling in love with you too.”
“Thanks Rayne…I like this too, something that’s just something for us.”
Brooklyn comes down with Kim and looks at us and Kimmie’s all. “Oh…eeew…feet!”
“Shush…having a footgasm…” Rayne says smiling head still tilted back and smiling.
“Eeeew…Eeeew…Eeeew!” Kim sort of does this little funky freaked out dance into the kitchen. I guess some people are weird about feet.
Brooklyn looks at us and says smiling as she heads into the kitchen. “Hey…”
And that set’s us to laughing again, and Kim asks what’s so funny and Brook tells her setting off a new bunch of “Eeeews” and we all crack up when I come in and she stares right at me and adamantly point to the kitchen sink. “You! Wash those hands!”
“Yes Mom.” I shoot back at her and then Kim’s swearing in Japanese. I ruffle my hands in her hair and she scream/squeals slapping at me calling me “Baka?” over and over.
I wash my hands and as soon as I’m clear of the sink she shoves her head under the water giving herself a dish soap shampoo.
We’re all laughing except for Kim and Rayne’s laughing so hard she’s like “Oh god…gotta pee!”
Then Kim yanks her head out of the sink and starts doing this full on doggy shake headbanger thing making us all scream and squeal.
Yep, I squealed.
And it doesn’t matter because the next thing I know we’re having a food fight with the boxed mac ‘n cheese. And there’s a lot more laughing and screaming and.
I’ve never had this much fun before. The girl stuff really doesn’t matter because it just doesn’t anymore. This is just…despite the cause this is the best time of my life.
…………………………………..We clean up and eat the hot dogs and we just have enough time to squeeze in an hour of practice before Mike shows up and then we head off to get into our show looks and Mike says that he’ll start packing up.
I mean he’s sort of become the roadie and kind of the tech for our crew and at the same time he’s a damned tough guy so it’s kind of nice to have him there as back up to protect us and stuff.
He get’s all cutely embarrassed when we kiss him on the cheek and say. “Thanks Mike.” Well all except Brooklyn who blushes because we’re still there sort of but she leans down when he wasn’t expecting it and steals a quick peck on the lips.
She’s beaming and we hug her as we beat it upstairs because he went. “Oh…oh wow…”
I don’t think that she had anyone ever do that for or because of her in her life.
I shower first and fast then I fluffy out my hair in that whole spiky pink style and then I get my chest on and stuck into place and blended in. Some powder to keep dry and some deodorant spray too then I go for a nice white lace bra and underpants and I slip into my white wool knit looking leggings and a white skirt then a white chemise but this soft pink thin long sleeved sweater. Bangles and a few of my rings it’s all pretty cheap and then my stage make-up and I double check everything then head out downstairs.
I need more clothes; I want more clothes some for my look and just some for me. I’m wearing white sandal styled heels and I’m starting to get used to them and I smile at Raven as I see her when I come down.
I so love the look that she’s giving me when I come down the stairs and step up and kiss with her.
She’s Raven so she’s looking really great herself. Black club styles slacks and she’s got this fishnet sweater on but it’s just showing her cleavage and arms with the rest covered by this really nice looking corset. Her hair’s loose and she has a bit of dark Raven styled make up on but not a lot, it’s like sedate classy goth looking. She’s wearing her dark rimmed glasses the ones with the sexy rectangular frames and that just makes the look.
But that corset…velvet and leatherette and it just pulls things into these…oh wow her waist and the way that it makes her cleavage look.
And I’ve seen her naked…we’ve been naked together and despite knowing what she looks like I’m still getting those great tingles…Is this normal to see her this way that she’s so damned beautiful even when she’s dressed up? Or is this whole looks and clothes thing some kind of lesbian thing that I’m plugging into.
Another kiss this time from her to me.
So….don’t care now.
……………………………………………We get parked and we get a pleasant surprise with three save parking places in the front of the café with signs on these plastic post stands. “Reserved for Starlight Butterfly.” and Mr. Walker’s out there.
“Evening ladies, I hope you enjoy the new entertainment parking and our two new video cameras.”
I nod. “We really appreciate the parking especially here and the cameras are just a good idea sir.” I shake hands with him and he heads in while we get set up and there’s already a crowd showing up during set up and I see faces there of some of our friends but also some of the people there from last time and some of the kids from school and what looks like from Kim and Brooklyn’s school.
Then I see Adam there in the crowd already with a mini-flock of people there and all entrenched in a table. He gives me this narrow eyed up and down look like he’s sizing me up for something…oh…no…fuck he’s looking at me like I’m the new tasty treat that he wants to pollute….he’s fucking leering.
It’s almost worse than the older looks he’d give me.
But his attention shifts to Mike when he sees him and Adam looks as pissed and angry as I’ve ever seen him with me.
Summer and her crew aren’t around though and that’s a good thing.
Oh…fucking Adam. I just wanted a nice quiet gig tonight. I’m keeping my eyes peeled for bullshit tonight but I’m not letting him win either. Not by fucking up our show or messing with us.
I stare at Adam as I’m setting up until Marley something or slutter (other) whispers in his ear and he glances over at me and it might just be the way that I’m holding the mic stand but hmmm…yeah he’s so getting the middle finger.
He looks pissed then…LOL!
Dad and Mitch come in with two other guys and they take a table blocking Adams line of sight. I saw Mitch coat flash his badge and give the kids that were there a twenty and Dad and then sit and do this slow turn and hard stare Adam.
Fuck yeah I think he went a bit pale before he starts getting pissed again.
Screw you… you rich little duckweed. Bring it you’re not going to beat me or us anymore.
I love my Dad so much for showing up.
And now I’m really in the mood to put on a show.
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