It was all happening a little bit too fast, but I thought, ''If this guy wants to be there for me than what have I got to lose? He has gorgeous eyes. Damn!! I’m such a girl.''
I decide to give him my answer and said, “Grant as long as there won’t be any problems at work I’m in.” We both said 'bye and went home in separate taxis but were meeting up on New Year's Eve to be on the beach at Surfer's Paradise and stay there till the sun came up on New Years Day two thousand and twelve.
Saturday 31/ 12 /2011
The time between Christmas and New Year was nerve-racking and by the time I contacted Grant I was a wreck, but this is something that I had been wanting to do all my life so I had to go through with it or I would never be happy.
It was lunch time before I got up enough courage to ring Grant and tell him that I would definitely meet him at Surfer's and spend the night on the beach till dawn.
At this stage I had not bought a lot of clothes because I really hadn't gone through all of Isabella’s things. It had only been two months since she passed away and I just didn't feel right going through all her things, yet it never worried me while she was alive, because whenever I was home by myself and she was out for the day I would try a lot of her things on. Because I was small in build I didn't stretch anything out of shape. I was always very careful to put everything back the way I found it and she never suspected my activity, or if she did she never said anything.
The week before she passed away I could not stand it any longer and I knew it would upset her but I thought she had a right to know about me before she died.
This was the conversation we had six days before she passed away.
“Bella honey, there is something that I have to confess to you. I am going to be on my own after you are gone and I will not be able to go on living if I didn't tell you about my cross-dressing all these years.” As I said this I was holding the dying woman’s hand with tears streaming down my cheeks but it is something I had to do.
She replied, “My sweet darling Alexander I have known for at least a year, but I decided not to say anything because I knew that I was dying and you would be on your own, so I held my tongue. Now it really doesn’t matter. I love you and accept that part of you.”
Six days later she was gone, and it was almost a relief because she was in a lot of pain even with the medications they were administering to her. She was of course in palliative care for the last month of her life and I sat with her till the end. I was holding her hand when she slipped away.
When I rang Grant he said he would be in girl mode and I probably wouldn't recognise ''him/her'' so to make sure that I had my phone with me so I could ring ''him/her'' when I got to the beach. I didn't know whether I should go in girl mode or not because all the clothes were back in Brisbane and I only had some girl jeans and an androgynous looking pink shirt. I had no make-up but I did have a barrette for my hair which I had grown out over the last twelve months and it was long enough to put it into a feminine style, so that is what I did.
I thought, “I hope this is what he wants because if it's not then it will be over before it even begins.”
I got my nerve together and called a taxi to take me to Main Beach, Surfer's. Half an hour later I was walking through the crowd on the beach that was gathering to watch the fire works at midnight. I felt I looked like an effeminate man but at this stage there was not a lot that I could do about it.
No one even gave me a second glance, which put me at ease enough to pull out my mobile and punch Grants number in. It rang a couple of times, and he answered in a different voice and I wondered if I had got the number wrong but ''he/she'' said “Alex I'm over here by the stage wearing a white summer dress and red flats, a red belt, and a red head band.”
I made my way through the noisy crowd and could see this woman in a white summer dress. I could not believe it was possible to be able to transform from a man with longish hair to this pretty woman standing there looking around to see if she could find a friend somewhere.
I thought, “What will I do, shake hands ? No I will give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek like any other woman would do when she meets her girlfriend.”
That is exactly what I did and she returned the kiss but it was on the lips which made me feel all tingly inside.
I thought, “I wonder if this is what it feels like for lesbians when they kiss.”
I said, “Grant, I can't call you Grant when you are dressed like this, what is your girl name?”
She replied “Grace, it's Grace, What's yours.”
“Well Grace it stays the same. Alex is also a girls name isn't it?”
She replied, “You're right it is, and like me you won't have to change your initials.”
She didn't let go of my hand and I didn't try to let go either because it felt really nice.
She said. “Alex you know I always wondered about you and it looks like I was right doesn’t it?”
I replied. “Grace, I have always been a girl inside and when Isabella’s death happened I had nothing to lose by being who I wanted to be.”
No-one took any notice of us holding hands. It was just two women greeting each other. It was a really hot night and I wish I had brought some of Isabella's clothes like some skirts and blouses, but I had not anticipated doing what I was doing tonight when I came down for the Christmas break.
This had blown me completely away. Just finding out about my boss being like me was something I didn't not expect to happen. Most of the people were sitting down on the sand and on blankets. It was early and the crowd was still building. By the time it was midnight and the fireworks got under way there was standing room only. The count down to midnight started and there must have been at least ten thousand people on the beach all counting down to zero and then the fireworks kicked in as everyone shouted “Happy New Year”.
On the dot of twelve o’clock Grace grabbed me and gave me a very passionate kiss and I responded in kind. To me it felt right while Grace was in girl mode but it remained to be seen what would happen when she was back in boy mode. I really don't know what I would do.
I thought, “What will I do when we go back to work and Grace becomes Grant and my boss again?” I decided to let it all just ride for now and enjoy the feeling that I had for her as the person she was right then and worry about next week, next week.
After the fireworks were over a lot of the people started to move off the beach except the ones that were like us and wanted to see the first sunrise of two thousand and twelve. We settled down on a blanket and Grace had brought a bottle of champagne with two glasses in a bag so she was well prepared for us to have a romantic night on the beach. It felt strange to be here like this as two women sitting on a blanket drinking champagne, two ''lesbians'' indeed! The last time I did this on the same beach probably in the same spot was when I was with my lovely wife of ten years. But even then I always wished it would have been like this, and of course here I was as a woman doing exactly that.
Grace and I cuddled most of the night and fell asleep for a couple of hours in each other's arms which is what I used to do with Bella. We were awake at four a.m. and waited for the sun to poke its head over the horizon and we welcomed the new year in with a very passionate kiss.
I thought, “Wow I don’t want this to ever end, it just feels so right and I will not turn back for anything now.”
I said to Grace, “What happens now when we have to go back to work?”
She replied, “Alex honey, I don’t know because this has never happened to me either, so we will just have to feel our way and play things by ear.”
I said, “Grace, it's going to be hard for me to call you Grant after you keep kissing me like that!!”
She replied, “Lexie, I’m going to have to call you Lexie because I too will have trouble once we’re back at work!! All I will want to do is be close to you all the time, so we're going to have to sort something out aren't we?”
We gathered up the blanket and our bags and made our way to the road to catch a taxi back to Grace's unit back at Tweed Heads to sort out something for breakfast. By the time we arrived at her unit we were both quite hungry and I put the kettle on so we could have a cup of strong coffee to wake us up. Grace had some eggs and bacon in the fridge and proceeded to put them on while I found the bread and toaster. It wasn't long before we were sitting out on the balcony in the morning sun eating our breakfast not really saying much but looking into each other's eyes and smiling.
I had no clothes with me. All I had was a hand bag. I didn't even put make-up on so I must have been able to pass without too much trouble by the look of it.
We both needed a shower so I said, “Grace what do you intend to do about us, you know sex-wise I mean?”
She looked at me and said, “Well honey that is all up to you. I won't force myself onto you but I have had sex with women, men, and transsexuals so I am happy to go along with whatever you feel is right for you.”
I of course was not experienced in sex other than with Bella so this was going to be rather new and exciting for me.
I said, “I have no clothes so can I borrow some of yours Grace?”
Grace grabbed my hand and walked me into the bedroom to the walk-in wardrobe and said “Choose whatever you want, we are the same size so this should be good.”
I said, “Well I need a shower so I will do that first. Where are your towels?”
Again she grabbed my hand and pulled me along to the bathroom and said, “Lexie if we are going to do this you are going to have to trust me and go with the flow and enjoy being two girls having fun together at least for the next couple of days ok?”
I just nodded and watched as Grace started to get undressed to have a shower. I followed her lead and did the same. It wasn't long and we were standing there looking at each other completely naked. I couldn't help staring at Grace. She had at least A cup breasts and her penis was normal size but her testicles were almost not visible.
She looked back at me and said “Lexie I have been doing this for a long time and I am on hormones hence the breasts. If you are going to transition you will have normal breasts in no time at all.” We stepped into the shower and soaped up and then stood under the water together,
I thought, “Ok girl this feels right so just do whatever comes next and relax.” Grace put her arms around my waist and pulled me in close and kissed me, I wasn’t sure whether to touch her intimately or not but she grabbed my hand and placed it on her now very erect sex. My own excitement could not be contained and Grace gently pulled me out of the shower and we dried each other off and made our way to the bedroom and onto the bed.
This is where I was a complete novice because I was in girl mode and let Grace do with me what she wanted. It was painful at first and then all I felt was this pure feeling of complete love for her as she shuddered to a climax. The favour was returned when she took me into her mouth and I too reached this incredible climax.
We both lay in each other's arms and whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears. After a while it was time to have another shower and get dressed. Grace had an incredible girl wardrobe in her unit which she owned as well as a unit in Brisbane. It is a walk-in robe and she chose my complete outfit which included breast forms which she didn't need any more. She binded when she was at work in boy mode. We both ended up wearing summer dresses with hair in pony tails and flat sandals on our feet. It was New Year's Day and there were no shops open so we decided to go to Sea World and enjoy the day together as two women walking hand in hand like two kids in love. I felt decidedly feminine in my summer dress, and Grace did my make-up to complete my look.
I used to watch Bella over the years and was quite good at doing it but Grace was like a professional and I looked very feminine. I would only have to get electrolysis done to my face and I would pass without any trouble even without any make-up on. I was lucky to have a high cheek-boned face and a girl-type chin. I was always teased at school for my feminine face and played tennis instead of football because I didn't like getting roughed-up so I guess I always was girly right from early on.
I stayed with Grace in her unit for the next week and we made love a few more times. Each time it was getting less painful for me and I was feeling completely female by the time we had to go back to Brisbane and work as boss and rank and file. It was not easy having to go back into boy mode and act like nothing happened between me and Grant over the last week. I didn’t know what was going to happen in the future but there was no going back for me. I had an appointment with a gender clinic in Brisbane and would take it from there.
To be continued
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