by Kristine Roland
"Look, you. These," as she points to her chest, "are not a political statement, or an economic statement or even just a sexual statement, the fantasies of men notwithstanding. What they are is a pain, quite literally. So explain to me why you would want a pair of your own?"
Steve looked at his sister, and said, "I'd like to try. Can you take a deep breath and come sit down over here, and listen to me?"
Cheryl frowned, but allowed Steve to guide her to the overstuffed love seat in his living room. Once she was settled, Steve sat on the edge of the matching recliner next to her.
"Cheryl, ever since I was a very little ... boy ... I knew that I was different. Surely, my big sister can't have been completely oblivious to it?"
"Well, no I have to admit that... " then she smiled, and said, "And don't call me Shirley."
Steve feeling a little bit more confident over the shared chuckle, said "I've never really fit in with the boys, Cheryl. I was always more comfortable around you and your friends. When you would allow me to be a part of your group, it was wonderful. Sometimes it felt like you all even forgot I was a boy, and that was even nicer."
Cheryl nodded as she recalled some of the conversations she had, had privately with some of her friends about her younger brother.
"I've tried being a man, Cheryl. I can fake it fairly well. Heck I lettered in baseball and hockey in high school, but you know girls play sports too. And I never really connected with my peers from the teams. Oh sure, if I made a good play, or we won, we all got into that, but as far as being friends... Not so much."
"Okay, I get that Steve, really I do.... but you are talking about making drastic changes to your body. Why? You can be yourself without that."
"Cheryl, you said your breasts are a pain, literaly. Why don't you have them removed?"
"Because they are part of me. It would be disfiguring and self destructive."
"Fair enough, but lets say you could wish them away, or have them just shrink without surgery. Just have your body be without them, would you?"
Cheryl thought about that, "Maybe... I've certainly thought about it."
"Do you remember when you were a little girl, and hadn't started developing yet? Some of your friends had, but you hadn't. Do you remember how you felt then? I do, because I remember you looking in the mirror every day, and I remember you crying and going to Mom asking when they were going to grow. Do you remember that, feeling? As much as you were crying, I was too, because I knew that you would eventually grow, but that I was never going to, and I suffered in silence. Except I would go cry in my room where noone could see."
Cheryl thought back to those days, and remembered how much she had hurt, how she wished for the "titty fairie" to come and pay her a visit. And she looked over at Steve and saw the little girl wanting to grow up, wanting to be complete, and yet knowing it would never be.
She wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Oh... Steve... I'm sorry, I didn't know. That must have been... "
"Cheryl, please, I never blamed you. I admit I was often jealous of you, but you were my big sister, I was always so proud of you. I wanted to be just like you. But mostly I wanted to be your little sister, and I wanted you to accept me as your little sister."
"Why didn't you ever talk to me? All those late night bull sessions when we were in high school, and the late night calls when we were in college? Heck you know it was almost like having a sister, I just didn't realize it."
"I was trying to be what everyone expected me to be. I tried, Cheryl, really I did. But I can't do it anymore."
Cheryl paused, and thought about her brother and his plans. She had known that something was bothering him, when she was asked to come over today. But she had never expected his revelation that he was beginning the journey towards gender re-assingment surgery.
The thought of him, having that surgery, still made her cringe.
"But, Steve... that surgery, how could you have that done to you? Cutting off a body part... just seems so drastic."
"Cheryl, if I had been born with an disformity, and they could surgically remove it, would that be wrong?"
"No, I suppose not."
"That's how I look at this. It's wrong on my body, it doesn't belong there any more then it belongs on yours."
"No seriously, Cheryl, if you woke up tomorrow, and a penis started to grow on you, but they could remove it would you? You know you would. This is not any different."
"I don't know."
"Look Cheryl, I know that this was alot to throw at you today. But I love you, and I really do hope that you can learn to accept me as I move towards this, because I need to do this."
Cheryl sat silently for a few minutes. She looked at her brother, and sighed. "Steve, I love you too, and I can't guarantee that I will always understand, but you have my love, no matter what. If this is what you need to do, then..."
Another deep sigh, a slight smile, and "I guess I need to tell my brother, Steve goodbye, and then... Surely, I think it may be high time I meet my little sister."
Steve smiled, and said, "Goodbye, Sis. And don't call me Shirley."
Copyright (c) 2012. All Rights Reserved.
Author's Note: Written in response to a challenge posted by Dorothy Colleen. Thanks for the idea... It feels good to actually write something, been way too long.
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