What a good boy…Chapter 12
Sophie and the whole thing really got into my head. I worked on my boxing bag last night until my hands and wrists were aching and my knees and shins were sore. I’m not really trained like for real but I’m sort of into kick boxing.
I had a long bath and spent another three hours in front of my Xbox trying to get things out of my head.
Really, c’mon I was obsessing over this like some girl. I might have the part but not the brain.
Even watching porn barely took my mind off the phone call. I curled around a pillow and didn’t really sleep that good. But I really didn’t sleep well until it was really late and that was exhaustion.
I wake up and I get dressed into just something to work out with and go down stairs and get some juice. Mom’s on the couch with dad deep into their Sunday ritual of lazy food and them on the couch usually watching PBS. “I’m going out for a serious bike ride we need anything?”
“Go ahead and look.” Dad says. “My wallet’s in my jacket.”
I look and we’ll need a few things so I take sixty and grab my backpack and some cloth grocery bags to take with me. “I took sixty! I’ll bring things back.”
I get my bike and I head out to the highway and head down it to the far side of town and pull back into town using the overpass. I’m just out to drive, to get stuff out of my head and my heart and get my blood flowing. I go past the CP rail yards and the big grain elevators there and sot of zig zag through the warehouses until I hit the regular streets and even then I don’t take the main streets really. I like going through these side streets just driving and looking. A lot of people really barely know their hometown and I always find something cool to look at.
Like Edison street. It’s just a small street but it’s old no sidewalks or even lines in the road and it’d be rough for two cars to pass each other here. I love the trees though. It’s got these huge old willow trees and they make this cool hanging canopy here.
Stuff like that or cool yard features and even those really cool old houses sort of recharges me along with the fresh air and the biking too getting my blood pumping and getting me clean inside like I’m sweating out the bad stuff and replacing it with fresh air and sunshine.
I stop at Harrison’s Esso and get a big bottle of lemon-lime Gatorade and a banana and head off biking again until I start to feel it getting harder to keep biking and I head to the Superstore and go and get the stuff we need. Eggs, butter, tomatoes, some bread and milk plus I see some seafood on sale I’m all for trying something different and get some of those prawn things and get the guy at the counter to double bag them and toss some of that crushed ice in the bag too. I also get some packs of random bits they call chowder mix. I might be able to make a stir fry. Thinking that I get a sweet potato too.
It’s a harder bike ride home with my pack full and two bags on my handle bars but I want this…I want the burn.
I’m really achy in a good way and rubbery feeling when I take the groceries in and put the stuff in the fridge and head up to my room and take a long cool shower. Then I go to the computer and look up some ideas for the seafood and head down with my stomach growling.
I grate the sweet potato and dice and onion and a bit of garlic and then toss it all in a pot with a can of Hunt’s spaghetti sauce and then take the seafood and toss it into a non-stick pan with some olive oil. The mix pack’s like trimming from salmon and tuna and trout with some sea scallops tossed in that were nicked or too small to sell in the packs of scallops there. The prawns need de-shelling but are cleaned with the heads off so that’s not a big deal. I put the scraps in first because I want to brown them.
I let them do that while I boil some spaghetti and then I add the prawns, they’re like shrimp and they all say not to over cook them so I toss them in last. I take a bit of pasta water and add it into the frying pan to lift the pan bits then add the seafood to the sauce in the pot take it off the heat and stir it together and then make a salad. Romaine, some mixed greens olive oil, salt, pepper, lemon zest and the juice from the whole lemon. We like lemon in our greens. I really like lemon with asparagus or even corn on the cob.
I make mine and make two plates for my folks and come into the living room and sit down on the floor after passing them there’s.
Mom looks at me. “Better?”
“Biking does that for me too, the sense of movement clears me.”
I look at her, maybe some of the way that I obsess is from her. I’m not Aspergers that I can think of really I mean aside from me being really different now I’m not that socially out of things.
But maybe like in degrees? I dunno. “I like the exercise, the rush and feeling the burn, it’s like well I dunno just like it keeps me thinking straight easier.”
Dad nods. “I used to be really into hiking when I was your age.”
“I could be into hiking.”
“Maybe we’ll do that, take a day and go like fishing or something.”
“That’d be cool we haven’t gone fishing for a long time.”
Mom’s eating but looking at both of us. “Next weekend, I’ll try not to have work piled up then so I don’t fall into the machine.”
Mom does that, she gets on something and she’ll keep working until it’s done only barely stopping to do the stuff a body needs to do. She makes good cash even working from home but she really get’s mono focused on it.
“The fresh air will do you good.” Dad and I say to her at the same time and sort of as one of our kind of jokes we add. “You’re too pale.”
And she is, she sometimes is good but sometimes she’s I guess fed up with trying to fit into outside in the everyday and she’ll stay in. Plus she works inside with computers all the time she is on the pale side.
I watch a bit of TV with them a show about the whole changes in United States politics from the 50’s until like now. It’s a little too homeworky for me but it’s still kind of informative and stuff but I’m mostly into my food. I take the dishes when we’re done and leave them in the sink. I cooked and fetched they can do the few dishes left in the sink.
I head upstairs and to my room and put on some tunes that’s easy to listen to yeah…a nice mix with BNL and some Sugar Ray, Hootie, Smashmouth, Beatles and stuff like that. I crash on my bed and actually take a post lunch Sunday snooze and just listen to my tunes.
I get up about two thirty and grab my books and do my homework more to get it out of the way. It might sound weird but I listen to meditation tracks doing my homework and light rock to sleep to.
I like waking up feeling happy and stuff like “I’m a believer.” I mean listen to that and not have a smile going. I can’t.
I like oriental flutes or pipes and the sound of rain while I’m doing my homework. I have moods I like to play music to.
Like now that I’m done my homework I’m getting ready to work out. So there’s more upbeat stuff. “Loving every minute of it.” By Lover boy is good to lift weights to.
I like to work out, it get’s me feeling like a guy. I’m not going for bulk, but cut? Oh yeah I actually can’t get this thought of a girl running her hands down my ab’s to my pussy or her mouth and tongue with kisses. I do a lot of sit ups…thirty between every other exercise that I’m doing on my bo-flex and stuff. I try and kagel too as I do them.
I even try to do so yoga stuff by watching stuff on a yoga website. Firm, toned and flexiable is so what I’m going for. Then after that some more time on the heavy bag getting in some practice and actually getting my head into that place where I’m in a fight. I’m a realist.
Sooner or later I’m going to have to.
I practice my punches, hard and fast…hard more than other stuff. See the harder you train at hitting something with force the more your body gets trained for it. I’m not big and I’m not going to be going on stuff to get all big and stuff…I mean I might be able to with enough hormones and other stuff but I just can’t get the desire to be sleek out of my head.
I know some people won’t get that having a Vee makes me want that but I want a girl to be attracted to me and most are going to be lesbians or lesbian trending ad the built big guy’s not really what they want.
And I don’t think it’s attractive in my own way either.
Sleek…I love the thought of that.
I work myself into a really good sweat and until I’m sore and then do a stint of jump rope until I’m winded then pace and breathe and finish with sit ups and kagels until I hit the wall and am sweating and laying on the floor.
It takes a few minutes to pick myself up and head downstairs and have a deli sliced turkey sandwich and get a large glass of milk then head back upstairs and turn on some more music and run myself a hot bath and soak while listening to Nora Jones.
I also relax and drift away into a nice nap and get out when the water’s cooled and get into some comfy panties and track pants and get a liter of chocolate milk from the fridge and settle in for some serious video gaming.
No one called all day. I really try not to dwell on that though.
I try a little something different at bed time trying some Whalesong tracks on my computer and never budged until my alarm goes off with “Rockstar.” going off loudly and I get up and do some more sit ups before my shower.
Breakfast is my meds and some vitamins a toasted deli sliced turkey sandwich with some tomatoes on it and a granola bar and a few mouthfuls of mixed greens as I make my sandwich. I have a small glass of juice and share a strong coffee with Mom who’s just getting up too and she has her usual granola and vanilla soy milk. Yeah we eat healthy or try to. I eat a good breakfast because I bike to school all the time unless it’s winter. Canadian winters in Sasketchewan isn’t bike weather.
Mom looks at me. “You alright?”
“Yeah just personal stuff had a close encounter of the female kind.”
She chews, looks a bit lost then nods. “Got it….need any advice?”
“No, I’m just going to let things go and see what’s the situation first even though I’m freaking out a bit despite me trying not to get all obsessed about it.”
“Obsessing over social things is normal Tracy…I was never any good at normal but obsessing I’m good at.”
“Yeah me too.”
“You’re sexually active now?”
“Yeah…sort of…” I’m blushing.
“I heard you the other day.”
Oh god just shoot me now.
“We should buy you some things Tracy.”
“Mom!? What the hell!”
“Tracy you’re sexually active or getting there a lot of women and girls have these aids it’s not an uncommon thing and nothing to be embarrassed about. I have some.”
“Mom!” I so didn’t want that image.
“Tracy, there are things to make up for the accident.”
I knew that I did but never thought I’d have access before I was out of the house and was working and legal aged.
“Yes, really. We’ll look online tonight and see what’s out there and I’ll order things for you.”
“Tracy, I just want you to be happy, sex or being sexually active and enjoying it is part of that for most people. If you were born a girl we’d still be having this talk. It’s just something I see about parenting…I don’t want to treat you like an idiot…you’re a teenager…a young adult. I’m supposed to teach you things and hiding life from you isn’t right.”
“Tell me about your orgasms.”
I choke on my hot coffee.
I look at her and as embarrassed as I am she sort of has a point and I’ll say this about her and dad they don’t sugar coat life for me. She doesn’t hide it when she screws up too or hide when she needs help but doesn’t lean on me either. They still try to parent me and show me stuff. I think I know more about how my parents screwed up and got hurt from it than other kids my age. Like around the accident and Mom wanting me to go full on girl because she wanted me to have an easier time. But they never hid those feelings. So…yeah I sort of have parents I can tell anything to.
“Okay, but after school while we’re shopping?”
“Good, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Thanks Mom.” I kiss her cheek and go get dressed for school going for a lycra black t-shirt and my boy cut panties and cargo pants and fasten them and belt them to hip hug and show just a hit of my front of my panties and my abs. Yes it’s a skater girl look but I’ve got a Vee and I might as well use it. I have my own scent thing going too guy’s cologne just a little of it but I like the Polo sport and a nice citrus scented girls underarm deodorant just to get that sort of androgynous thing going on.
Yeah I’m getting a look and a feel. I’m getting more used to this.
I get my army surplus jacket and my book bag and some water and Mom passes me some money?
“You have female friends and partners, shopping’s part of that.”
“But I’m not like that.”
“But you can treat, and you might see things you like anyways. You’re trying to get girls to like you well we’re highly visual too like men are and you need to play a bit on my side of the street.”
“Okay but don’t expect me to like buy a dress or anything.”
“It’s your money Tracy buy whatever you want.”
“As long as it’s legal.”
I laugh and hug her and grab a few bottles of water for my pack before heading off to school.
It’s an easy ride and I try to keep out of the traffic areas. Motorists can be stupid and I’ve learned that lesson once and I park my bike and lock it up and head into school drinking a water.
I see Gwen and Sophie and Gwen has her big easy grin on and Sophie smiles but ducks her head and blushes at me.
Okay…that’s a good sign right? I walk over and smile. “Hey.”
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