Copyright© 2012 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
I sent Sammi off to bed and told Simon I was going to sleep with Trish in case she woke and was scared. He understood, albeit reluctantly, and agreed. I felt absolutely exhausted and I quickly did my ablutions and slipped into the bed with my darling girl.
I heard her sigh, “Mummy,” and she allowed me to curl around her. It was a bit of a squeeze in a single bed, but I was so tired that I’d have dropped off on a clothesline. As sleep assailed me and swept over me, I felt this protective cover over both of us. Possibly just knowing that Bernadette was in some sort of custody allowed that to happen, or it could have been anything—realising Simon was just across the landing, for instance.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I didn’t have my watch on, I awoke and felt remarkably alert given I’d only had a few hours sleep. I had this intense sense of well-being, and my attention was drawn to a shaft of moonlight which seemed unusually bright.
The shaft of light began to twist and ripple and suddenly it became a ball of silvery light which grew in size and then enveloped Trish and me. I became aware of coldness, which wasn’t unpleasant but was definitely real as my skin became covered in goosebumps.
Then it just seemed to go into pause mode and I found myself asking it what was happening, and the answer came back to tell me I was in control and what did I want to happen?
I asked that Trish be healed from the trauma of the past few days and for it not to affect her life. The light then seemed to ask me what else did I want it to do? I asked it to help Bernadette, because she had lost her whole family and I wanted her to feel loved again and to be able to love her own daughter rather than hate her.
What else did I want? My family to be healthy and happy, including all of its extended members. I felt the temperature rising and the light seemed to be pulsing. Finally, it seemed to ask me if there was anything else I wanted. I told it no, that if the others were okay, I’d be fine too.
The pulsing continued and a speck of intense light seemed to form at the foot of the bed, which then grew and grew, until it was roughly the size of a person. Yes, the size of a woman, because one was standing at the foot of the bed.
“You have pleased us with your generosity of spirit and your sharing of the kinship of motherhood. We have released you from your other debts to us and will return when you are ready to assume your purpose. Sleep well, Catherine, you have earned your rest.”
It was after eight when I suddenly became aware of someone watching me. I opened an eye and saw Trish’s face very close to mine. She leant forward and kissed me on the forehead. “Good morning, Mummy.”
“Hello, sweetheart,” I yawned and stretched feeling completely rested and relaxed.
“Why are you in my bed, Mummy?”
“Why d’you think?” I asked her.
“Was Daddy snoring again?”
“You guessed,” I said and hugged her.
“Or was it because you were worried for me after yesterday?”
“Could be, I suppose.”
“I’m okay, Mummy, I know she’s sick, but one day I hope she and me can be friends.”
“She and I,” I corrected her grammar.
“That would be nice if you were as well.”
“Yeah, like you said for you and her to be friends as well.”
“Oh, I see.” I didn’t really but I agreed anyway.
“Did you think I’d be scared, Mummy?”
“It did cross my mind.”
“It’s okay, I had a dream and this lovely lady came and showed me that my other mummy didn’t really hate me and that in time she would learn to accept me. The lady showed us walking together, although I was quite a bit older—and wearing a lovely outfit.”
“And this was with Bernadette?”
“Yes. She seemed to accept that you were my main mummy but that she was happy just to see me occasionally.”
“Oh, Trish, that’s a lovely dream.”
“And I saw my first daddy, and he seemed happy with me being a girl as well.”
“Gosh, Trish, I’m sure he was pleased that you went to see him even if it was a bit of a surprise for him.”
“The lady said that you were a very nice woman and a good mother and I was to be thankful that I’d been adopted by such a nice person.”
“Did she?” I felt tears filling my eyes.
“No she didn’t, I just said it, because I am so grateful that you took me in and became my new mummy. I think I’d have been very unhappy if you hadn’t.”
I wiped a tear from my eyes and smiled at her, “Let’s not think about that now, shall we—perhaps you were meant to find me.”
“Oh I was, I’ve known that for a long time.”
“What d’you mean?”
“I dunno,” she shrugged.
I wasn’t going to let her off that easy.
“Yes you do, what did you mean by saying that you knew you were meant to find me?”
“You won’t believe me.”
“When I was in the children’s home, I was so miserable. I’d been teased by lots of the bigger kids,” I put my arm round her. “One of the girls wasn’t so bad, she gave me one of her old dresses and I used to wear it even though they called me names.”
“Poor, Trish,” I hugged her, “You were so brave.”
“Was I?” she beamed and chuckled to herself, “Yeah, I was, wasn’t I?”
“Sure were,” I hugged her and kissed her again.
“Anyway, one night after all the others were asleep I was watching the moonlight and a lovely lady came through the moonlight to see me.”
“Goodness, how exciting,” I said, holding her tightly.
“She told me that as reward for my being brave she would let me find a mummy who would love me as a girl.”
“She was spot on, wasn’t she?”
“Yes, an’ then I got pushed down the stairs and thought I was going to die.”
I held her and stroked her shoulder, kissing her on the top of her head.
“But, it’s okay now, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is, darling, everything is okay now.”
I lay there with her, feeling a sense of love—this child was so full of surprises.
A little later, Tom poked his head round the door, “Are ye gaein’ tae lie there a’ the morn?”
“Oh sorry, Daddy, what time is it?”
“Ye’ve forgot thae rest o’ yer brood wull be hame thon efternoon.”
I sat up in bed and saw Trish wasn’t there.
“Where’s Trish?” I asked anxiously.
“Haein’ her breakfast.”
I struggled up, hurriedly washing and dressing, before lurching downstairs and onto a chair by the table as David poured me a reviving cup of tea.
“I went back to sleep,” I said feeling like a piece of cotton wool had replaced my brain. David gave me a knowing look and asked if I’d like some toast.
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