Transitioning Home
by poetheather

For Sergeant Thomas Simmons, getting injured in Iraq was just the start of an adventure that would throw him down the rabbit hole into a world where nothing made sense anymore. Having to restart his life, this soldier has to take his battlefield courage and turn it to a different arena in order to face this newest set of challenges. He just wonders if he is strong enough to handle this newest change in his life.

Eleven

The ringing of the phone woke him. He blearily struggled to find it by groping as his eyelids felt caked shut with the residue from his crying. That reminded him of the events of last night and he felt hollow, unable to cry any more and a growing feeling of pissed off. He finally got hold of the rigging nuisance and answered brusquely, wiping his eyes free. “What?!”

“Uhm… Thomas?” The voice was soft and sounded like it was avoiding conflict.

“Yeah. What?” was the curt reply as Thomas crawled a bit closer to the nightstand where the phone sat. He didn’t need to deal with this shit right now. And where the hell was his nightgown?

“Thomas, this if Tiffi. I was wondering if you wanted to go get some breakfast or something and then I realized that you might not be sure so I drove over here but then remembered that it would be impolite to just walk in so I am calling from the door. Are you okay?” The voice rambled softly, with a little less energy than usual. There was no bounce at all in her voice and that kind of made Thomas sad.

Thomas remembered that Debra had unlocked the door when she came in and hadn’t locked it before she slammed it. That meant it was probably still open. Maybe talking with Tiffi would help him cheer up? It’s not like he wanted to stay with Debra anyway so why was he so pissed off anyway? He managed to soften his voice some when he said, “It’s open.”

With that, he hung up and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling and its sprayed on texture. He heard the front door open and he turned his head and saw Tiffany standing in the doorway. She was dressed in this black dress with red flashes of color all over and it looked good on her. She had big clunky boots on over fishnet stockings. Her hair was in two pigtails tied off with black ribbon bows.

He was happy to see her and said, “Hey.”

She smiled slightly, obviously worried. “Hey.”

He struggled to a sitting position, making sure his naked body was still covered. He hurt all over and he felt utterly horrible, emotionally wrung out but it was good to see a friendly face. “Sorry. I had a really tough night. Let me take a shower and then we can go.”

She nodded and helped him to stand once again, averting her eyes from his crotch. Once he was up and had his cane in hand, he hobbled into the bathroom while she looked the other way. The alternating of hot and cold water woke him up enough to enjoy the massage function on his showerhead as he washed. The pulsing worked a little on the muscles of his back and hip which was a nice reprieve from the earlier pain. He was starting to feel more human and less like ass. After a quick shave and brushing his teeth, Thomas almost felt like himself again.

The memories of last night returned and he sighed. He had wanted to break up with her for a few weeks now, but simply hadn’t found an appropriate way to tell her, which was admittedly kind of chicken shit. It way over now just not in the way he had wanted it to go. Rhymer wasn’t sure how he felt about all of that. Emotionally he felt raw, like how he had felt right after his injury, after the morphine had faded. He didn’t want to face the world but there was a cute girl out there who had come over to take him to breakfast. Did he really want to disappoint her? The idea of a frown on Tiffi’s face seemed incongruous and not something the world ever should have to face. With a big sigh Thomas headed out to his bedroom, towel wrapped around him to get dressed for the day.

The room had been cleaned up while he had been showering. The bed had been made and things Thomas hadn’t even remembered throwing were back in their places, or at least close enough for government work. Everything looked nice and orderly, just like he liked it. He smiled and then froze as he realized that she had also probably seen the nightgown he had been wearing the night before, since he had dropped it on the living room floor. He groaned in frustration, cursing her stupidity and got dressed. There really was nothing he could do about it now anyway, was there. He just hoped that she didn’t call him a freak like Debra had.

He pulled on a pair of pink panties and tugged up his desert fatigue pants, determined to wear something comfortable and that wouldn’t cling to his hip, which still ached. Maybe he needed to get another massage? He put on his boots and pulled on an old concert t-shirt. He grabbed his cane and hobbled out to what was his all purpose living room/ dining room. Tiffany was sitting on his couch, calmly waiting for him, with a smile on her face which was a definite improvement over how she had looked when she had come in. This room was clean and organized as well. It was like a cleaning tornado had hit his house while he had washed. “Thanks for tidying up Tiffi. Sorry you had to do it.”

“No worries mate. Let’s get going because I can hear pancakes calling my name. If you listen there are probably some calling your name as well.” She bounced up and made her way out of his apartment. Thomas followed and was certainly glad to be getting out of there for at least a little while. It made him think about last night as much.

She drove, wanting to spare the environment all that pollution, and the ride was a lot like she talked. The music pounding out of the speakers was Type O Negative according to Tiffany and he had to admit that some of it was pretty cool. She weaved through traffic a good bit over the speed limit, looking his way and chatting. It was fairly frightening, like the time he had almost gotten squished by a Chinook during Air Assault training. That thing had almost squished him flat and he had needed to leap off the Humvee in order to survive. However, this time he knew there were airbags and the passenger restraint system, so there was a far smaller possibility of him getting squished.

Soon they pulled into the IHOP by the mall where he had picked up his nightgown and panties the other day. She opened his door for him and helped him get out of the car without too much effort. He smirked at the thought of the reversal of it all as the guy was usually thee one doing this sort of thing. They chatted as they made their way into the restaurant about musical preferences. Thomas chuckled when she ordered the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity. There was just something about that name that cracked him up. How could any adult order that without cracking up? She smiled back at his laughter, seeming to understand.

The food was good and breakfast really did hit the spot, as he had been quite hungry but hadn’t known about it. It was tasty and made him feel more alive and the coffee had been the main helper there. Conversation was nice and relaxed until they had gotten back into the car. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, glancing around for oncoming traffic, she casually asked him. “So, Rhymer, have you been crossdressing long?”

Thomas froze, almost unable to respond to the simple statement. So she had seen the clothes? She had to have because he was sure she hadn’t seen his panties. What the hell? So he answered as best he could at that point, with a simple and direct, “Hunh?”

“Well,” she replied, completely unfazed by his response, “There was the fact that there was a really pretty nightgown on the floor of the living room and a few pairs of women’s underwear about the floor. There was no guy’s underwear anywhere to be seen so I had to assume that you were a crossdresser.”

Thomas again found himself at a loss for words. He couldn’t figure out a good story to deny this no matter what he thought of, so he sighed deeply, decided to take a chance, and told her the truth. “I am not really a crossdresser exactly. I am transgendered, maybe a transsexual, but I don’t know for sure yet. I have never done this before so that was all I had to wear. I’m sorry I’m a bit of a slob sometimes, but so it goes.”

She nodded, completely unfazed by his confession, still smiling as she wove through traffic. “That’s cool. You know, if you ever need any help with anything just give me a ring. I can help you with make-up, clothes, etc. One of my old boyfriends was a crossdresser, but it didn’t really work out because he was a jackass. I realized thanks to him that I was much more into girls than guys and that he really wasn’t a close substitute.”

Thomas nodded, a bit shocked by what Tiffi had to say. It was unexpected to simply and easily be accepted like that. Tiffany acted as if it what he had to say were no big deal, as if she dealt with this sort of thing everyday. Maybe she did? Thomas really had no idea, as they were still in the getting to know you phase. But things did seem to be going well. Maybe he should take the chance and open up? She was sort of the antithesis of Debra. “Thank you Tiiffany. Besides my Doc and my ex-girlfriend you are the first to know. And the first who isn’t either paid to deal with me or screaming at me and calling me a freak at two in the morning. Thank you.”

“No problem there. You know, I think you and I might become good friends and what are friends for after all but to help each other?” She smiled again, seeming to get brighter from moment to moment. It confused Thomas as to how she could do that.

Thomas was quiet for a bit as Tiffany slalomed through traffic. He was thinking about Debra and her response to his being crossdressed. If she responded like that how would his family respond? After all, supposedly Thomas was the macho soldier, the masculine hero of the family, with the fucking medals to prove it. They had sent him a letter dripping with praise for all he had done for the family name in getting the Bronze Star. However, he had joined the Army to get away from his family, to find opportunity since his podunk county had a lot of nothing. He didn’t want to work at the plants or the mill or anything like that. He wanted to do something, be something and now his family praised him for it. What could he tell them? Would they actually accept him if he became a girl?

That he was going to tell them about the whole transgender thing was pretty much a forgone conclusion. It was a part of his life now and he really wasn’t planning on completely shutting his family out. He just didn’t know what to say to them or even how to say it. The whole subject had him at a loss on how to proceed. Maybe it might be best to defer the whole conversation until it was absolutely necessary, like if he started living as a woman, or was willing to change his name. At that point it would be impossible to not let them know. They deserved that much. Hiding from this conversation might be the safer bet.

He shook off his lethargy long enough to see that they were almost back at his apartment. He shifted in his seat and stretched as best he could but he couldn’t really stretch his leg out as much as he wanted to. He still had trouble getting comfortable in smallish cars and Tiffi’s was petite and cute. It was not so bad for him, but what if he had been taller or broader? Then he would never be able to fit into the car at all. He wasn’t, however even he realized that his size problems as a man would make him about average as a woman. That was somewhat good, he thought. If he was actually in the process of becoming a woman than maybe that was far better than being huge and built.

“Home again, home again, jiggity jig!” chirped Tiffany as she pulled her Miata deftly into the parking space. Her smile was bright, as if he hadn’t been surly and withdrawn for most of the morning. It was actually helping him cheer up.

Thomas blinked as he realized what she was quoting. He turned to face her, the surprise clear on his face. “You know Bladerunner?”

“Sure do.” said Tiffany, sounding like the geek she was. “I love the movie. The visuals are incredible and the story is great and Rutger Hauer is so hot in it. If only I could find a girl like him… sigh…”

Thomas chuckled at her. Tiffany could really be spacy at a moments notice. “What’s your favorite part?”

She stopped to think for a moment. “Where they put the eyeballs on that genetic designer. That part was really neat. I also liked the part when Priss met J.F. Sebastian. Very cool. What’s yours?”

“I love Rutger Hauer’s last speech after he saves Harrison Ford. That was so awesome.” Thomas was happy. He hadn’t really met a girl who had enjoyed Bladerunner like he had before. It had made him want to become a cop, and he would have, if the Military Police had any open slots when he signed up. However, when he had signed up they only seemed to have slots for the Infantry so he had been stuck in a job he hadn’t really wanted but had grown to enjoy.

They continued to talk about sci-fi movies for a while, discussing their favorites and the worst ones they had ever seen. They laughed a few times at some of the ways that the other would describe a particular movie. It was a lot of fun and helped Thomas to get past the whole brooding thing that he had found himself falling into over Debra and being found out. He looked around his apartment after they had entered and realized that he still needed to get his books and other school supplies. It would certainly be a big help when classes started.

“Uhm… hey, you want to go shopping with me, for books. That might be cool and then we can get some lunch and all of that afterwards. Sound like a plan?” asked Thomas, hoping she would go for it. He knew he had no chance to hook up with her and he was okay with that. The whole lesbian thing was cool but a bit odd to him and outside of his experience. He had never met a lesbian as far as he knew and wanted to understand that a bit better but more importantly this was his friend.

“That might be fun. Where do you want to go for lunch?” returned Tiffany, bouncing some, setting her pigtails a wiggle.

“I don’t know. Maybe I will let you pick something, as you seem to know each restaurant in town.” quipped Thomas. “It might even be fun. Well, maybe. That is of course unless you have a hot date?”

“Not to worry. I am currently without a girlfriend as my last one really couldn’t take the way I talked all the time and just rambled on about things like movies or books or just about anything else that interested me like a couple of the local bands that I have heard in town who are really killer and have a glorious sound and I’m doing it again… sorry.” She blushed and shrugged her shoulders to kind of hide.

Thomas shrugged. “I don’t see it as a problem Tiffi. So you ramble, that isn’t that bad all things considered. It certainly could be worse.”

“Well there is that.” stated Tiffany. “So, lunch… hmmmmmm… let me ponder over that one some more before I have an answer. You want to drive or shall I?”

Thomas shuddered briefly at the thought of this perky Goth driving again and said. “Let me drive. We will get there in one piece and I also have the very nifty handicapped plate that lets us get the best parking spots in town. Sound good?”

Tiffany nodded. Thomas grabbed his squad pack and limped to his car, leaning on his cane. He unlocked the doors and both of them got in. They smiled at each other, happy to be hanging out with each other, and Thomas drove off towards the school and the fun of shopping for school supplies.

* * * * * *

Thomas wasn’t exactly sure how they had ended up in a Thai food place and he was a bit worried about the whole thing. He had never had Thai food and only had a little experience with Chinese food in general. He was skeptical of putting the good of his stomach in Tiffany’s hands as she was a bit screwy. When they walked in she said something to the people in the place that sounded like “Saw-wah-dee-kah” or something like that. Thomas wasn’t exactly sure what it had been, but guessed it was a greeting of some sort or other. They seemed to know her here and welcomed her into the place. When they were seated, two orange creamy looking drinks were placed in front of them and Thomas shrank back a little, wondering what the hell it could be. It almost looked like a liquid creamsicle. Tiffany took out a straw, stirred the concoction, and then took a long pull from her glass. She made happy, contented sighs.

Thomas looked scared as he did the same as her. He was surprised at the taste and that he enjoyed it. Tiffany smiled at him, “Just relax. I will order for both of us and it should work out fine. The food is great here. And I won’t order anything too weird.”

Thomas sipped a little more of this new drink and sat back. A waitress came up and Tiffi and the girl started talking in what Rhymer figured was Thai. She just chattered away with the waitress and he just sat there amazed at how well she was able to say things. It was an impressive skill. The fact that she knew Thai was a bit of a surprise, as he had only known a few people who spoke other languages a little, as opposed to those translator geeks from the 311th that had worked with them over in the desert. They seemed to be able to talk to the Iraqis and still know more stuff. The waitress was writing a few things on her order pad and then scampered off. Thomas was still surprised at how easily Tiffi spoke that foreign language. “Wow. I didn’t know that you could speak Thai.”

“I actually speak a bunch of languages. My mom was in the Air Force and we moved around a lot. So we lived in Thailand, Japan, spent some time in China and a few places in Europe. It was really cool.” Tiffi bounced a bit in her seat as she spoke. Thomas wondered if the girl even knew how to sit still.

“Heh. Except for Iraq and my time at Landsthul I haven’t been outside of this country, hell barely out of the south. And those were all military related and I had nothing to do with the planning or the sites I got to see. Hell, in Landsthul I was in the hospital and never saw anything but the building and the grounds. So I don’t even count Germany, since I never even got any German food.” Thomas did want to go to other places but he hadn’t had any real opportunities to do anything. He had been too busy fighting wars. That Tiffany had been able to go off and travel was really cool. Probably had to do with the differences between the Army and the Air Force. He started asking her questions about the various places she had been. This chatting occupied the time until the first of the food arrived.

“These are spring rolls. You dip them in this sauce, very tasty. This chicken on a stick is really good as well. You dip it into this peanut sauce. Don’t worry it isn’t glorified peanut butter.” With that she began to dig in.

Thomas nervously grabbed a chicken on a stick thing and dipped the corner just barely into the sauce. The taste wasn’t all that bad and he dipped more onto his next bite. That let him have the courage to brave the spring roll. Thomas liked that as well, though it was definitely very different from anything he had eaten before and had very different flavors.

He was really enjoying the food when the next thing came out. Thomas was wondering if there was a reason for a funny looking pasta dish to be a part of Thai cooking and figured that maybe there was an Italian involved somewhere in all of this. Tiffi laughed at his theory and then introduced him to Pad Thai.

His eyes pooped opened at the taste and the fire that was there. This was definitely one of the spicier things he had ever eaten in his life and he tried to cool his mouth with the orange creamsicle looking tea. It helped a lot. He braved more and he started to enjoy how the Pad Thai tasted. Maybe this stuff wasn’t so bad.

Tiffany seemed pleased by the end of things, as it looked like she had made another convert to Thai food. Thomas sat back quite pleased with the meal and then was stunned when even more food came out. The mango on sticky rice with a sort of vanilla custard sauce on top was incredible. He wished that there had been more or that he hadn’t needed to share with Tiffany. They fought over the last bite, spoons clacking furiously until Tiffi won with a bold feint that allowed her to drive her spoon home. Thomas grumbled as Tiffi smiled in her victory.

The drive back to campus was less life threatening than the ride to the restaurant, especially since he was the one driving. Thomas never felt his heart leap into his throat even once, which sort of surprised him, as he had been getting used to her driving and his own, more cautious driving seemed kind of blah in comparison. “So, Thomas, what sort of things have you bought for your crossdressing?”

“I… uh… really haven’t bought all that much yet, just the nightgown and some panties. I’m not sure I want to take that step yet.” replied Thomas, finding it tough to admit these things. Sure he had already outted himself but this was different, this was sharing something he was still coming to terms with and was still embarrassed by it.

She nodded thoughtfully. She looked over at him, cocked her head clearly thinking, which made Thomas worried. “Aren’t you even the least bit interested in how you might look fully dressed?”

“A little, but I’m not so sure where my comfort level is in this. That and I got so nervous shopping for the panties that it triggered a flashback. Just the thought that people might know what I had bought and were judging me for it made me loose it. I’m not sure I could actually go out and buy things without that happening again. It really bugs me.” In a way, it felt good to let this all out to someone else. It made him feel more true, more honest with his new friend.

“Well, I could help you. That way you can give off the feeling that I am the one buying things and you are just there to dutifully carry my bags. You could have the look of long-suffering, which should make you feel less on the spot. That way we can pick you up some things and there you go. Good idea or should we come up with another plan?”

Thomas thought about it for a second. Shopping with Tiffi would be much like shopping with a safety net. It was a good plan and certainly made it more likely for him to actually get things. He nodded and said. “I think that might work. My therapist recommended me getting some more things and I was more afraid of the flashbacks hitting than I was of buying things. I guess I can give it a try.”

“Alright. That will help a lot. Hey, I got an idea. I got this computer program that lets me run through various fashion images and play with clothes, makeup and hair. Let me get a picture of you so I can upload it and play with it some. Please. Pretty please. With sugar on top and other tasty but bad for you substances. I just want to see what works to make you beautiful.” The look she gave him was so cute that he could barely stand it. He had no resistance to this and agreed.

When he acquiesced, she clapped briefly, which slightly distracted Thomas who was driving and he had to correct from a swerve almost into oncoming traffic. Tiffi squealed, “This should be a lot of fun.”