Transitioning Home
by poetheather

For Sergeant Thomas Simmons, getting injured in Iraq was just the start of an adventure that would throw him down the rabbit hole into a world where nothing made sense anymore. Having to restart his life, this soldier has to take his battlefield courage and turn it to a different arena in order to face this newest set of challenges. He just wonders if he is strong enough to handle this newest change in his life.

Thirteen

Thomas took the glass of Coke that Stacy had grabbed for him into the bedroom. Tiffany had managed to go through the bags quickly and pulled together an outfit. It was a brown gypsy skirt and a white peasant top that Stacy had insisted would look good on him. His eyes widened when he saw them on the bed. “I… uh… I thought Stacy said no white?”

“We can change your blouse just before we eat. But until then we can see how this looks.” gushed Tiffany, far more excited about this than he was. “Besides, I got to choose what you got to wear first. You said so.”

Thomas sighed. His heart was racing again, though he couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or from fear. Maybe it was both? He didn’t know and that didn’t really help things. He also saw the white bra off to the side sitting on a white box. He quirked an eyebrow at it trying to figure out what it was. Was this the thing that the girls mentioned? Tiffany continued talking, “If you want I can pick you out another blouse for you to wear after we see how you look in this. According to the computer program, this look will be good for you and kind of fit who you are or at least the who you are that I know which may not actually be the real you for all I know but anyway we thought you would look cute in this and that should be oh God stop me.”

Thomas nodded, so distracted by the fact that he was getting ready to try on women’s clothes that he barely registered the ramble. These were his clothes, actually his clothes since he bought them. It shook him a lot to realize that he had actually bought such things, things his mother would have yelled at him about and the Army would have dishonorably discharged him for. Was he sure he wanted to do this? Was this really what he wanted to do?

“Take your pants off then. We can start with getting you tucked. After that, we can do the bra and then you just pull things on. Step into the skirt like you would a pair of pants only there are no legs there. After that, you should be all dressed. We can take care of shoes later. We can figure out what shoes would best go with the outfits we have picked out. This is just to see if it will all work.”

Thomas wondered what the whole thing was with women and shoes. Why would he need more than a few pairs? There was no good reason he could think of for needing lots of shoes. He undid the top button of his jeans and got ready to drop them when he paused. He looked over at Tiffany, who wasn’t moving, just smiling at him. “Do you mind?”

“No. Not at all. Besides, do you know how to put on a bra or to tuck?” She arched an eyebrow at him quizzically.

“No. I don’t know how but if I can take them off I can put one on.” Thomas was getting a little heated and he snapped at her. He frowned, knowing that this anger probably had nothing to do with the actual situation but rather the stress and anxiety he was feeling doing this. He pulled off his shirt and threw it against the bed, letting that action burn out some of his anger. He heard a sharp intake of air, so he turned. Tiffany was pale, her eyes wide and fixed on his shoulder. “What… what happened to your shoulder?”

Thomas was a bit confused as to why she might have that kind of reaction to his scar. It wasn’t exactly a thin and pretty scar but it hadn’t developed into a keloid scar, for which he was very happy. It was fairly smooth for the most part and there were no raises from abnormal growth or anything. He looked at her a bit confused, and said, “Remember when I mentioned that I had been injured in Iraq? This and my hip and leg were injured from the whole thing. Then there are the couple of bullet holes I have on my leg. This was during attacks on some of the Fedayeen troops through out the region.”

“I had heard you say that, but that looks like it really hurts.” Tiffany’s voice was quiet and flat. It was clear that Tiffany was getting upset.

“Well, the concussion from the RPG round knocked me out and when I had woken up I had already had field medics work on the wounds and patch me up some. Morphine is a great way to chase pain away if you can take it.” Thomas picked up the bra and slipped his arms through the straps. “So, mostly things had gotten cleaned up by the time I really woke up. After that I was drugged a lot to keep the pain down. It really sucked a lot but I am getting better.”

He wasn’t able to get his injured arm back far enough the get the hooks done. After a bit of him fumbling Tiffany came up, slapped his hands lightly, and hooked the bra for him. She adjusted the straps and helped settle it better on Rhymer. “There you go. I will show you an easier way for you to do this after dinner.”

She opened the box and pulled these two flesh colored lumps out. Thomas thought they looked like someone had cut a persons breasts off or maybe large chicken breasts. “Uhm… what the hell are those?”

“Your breasts.”

She slipped them into the cups of the bra, adjusting them until they seemed to sit correctly. Thomas was surprised with the weight of them and could feel their forward pull. Somehow, in his mind, breasts didn’t weigh anything. Tiffany smiled at him. “There you go. I’ll let you finish up. Hurry up.”

Thomas looked over the sheet with the tucking directions. He read it over a few times and tried to work out how to do it. After a few minutes, he figured what he had to do so that he could do it. He took a few deep breaths to center himself and then reached down and tried to push his testicles up into the body cavity where the paper said it was. They slid up with a very odd feeling. He felt a little bit of nausea which passed, kind of like a milder version of getting hit in the nuts. He then folded his penis itself back and under. He pulled his panties up tightly. They fit him differently and the smoothness of his crotch was a bit disconcerting. He stared it in stunned silence.

He shook himself free of his reverie and pulled on his skirt and blouse. He went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. From the neck down he looked pretty much like a woman, with slight curves and such. It certainly was a surprise. From the neck up, he still looked like himself which threw him some. When he stopped looking at the specifics and looked at the full picture though, he felt something different, something within himself changing, accepting what he saw.

Despite his hairy legs and arms, he felt like he looked right, like he always figured he should look but never knew how. It was as if he could actually begin to make out the blurred image that had been in the back of his head for so long that he had forgotten it. He just stared at himself in the mirror wondering who this reflected woman was. Was this still him? Was he still Thomas? If not, then who was he?

Tiffany entered the room behind him and looked him over. He had a bit of a waist and hips but that was about it. His figure was kind of plain but she had seen worse on some of the girls she knew. But the colors and the look suited him and he looked comfortable in his clothes, even though this was supposed to be his first time in women’s clothes. Maybe what he had said was true? If it was, this whole thing would certainly be interesting. She cleared her voice loudly, hoping to get his attention.

It had to be done twice before he noticed.

“Hunh??” asked Thomas, as he turned from the mirror. His thoughts had been busy juggling things and everything he knew was still up in the air. What the hell was going on? Why did he like the way he looked in these? Why didn’t he have longer hair yet? Why couldn’t he have just been born without this question hanging over him like this? Why did his life have to be so fucked up? He didn’t want to have to deal with all these questions about something that was supposedly so core to who you are, like gender. He really liked how he looked and was frightened of it at the same time.

Tiffi giggled a little at the look of confusion on Thomas’s face. “I was coming in to get you. Wow, you look so beautiful in that. It works really well. Oh, foods ready.”

Thomas nodded and pulled himself away from the mirror and hobbled out into the living room, using the wall for support. The little dining room table that he had was set with three places and had the pasta in a bowl on there. Stacy was already seated waiting for them. She looked up and smiled brightly. “Wow. You look great. I knew those colors would look good on you. If we add the hair extensions then I really think you should be able to pass with no problem. You really look cute.”

Thomas smiled a bit shyly, his cheeks reddening some, unsure what to say in response to that. “Thank you.”

Tiffany bounced. “Hurry and change into the other blouse I put on your bed. Let’s eat. I’m hungry.”

The conversation between them was comfortable and Thomas was enjoying himself a lot. He realized that he had been a bit lonely now that he had people here. The apartment seemed to be filled with something other than the silence that he usually had that could only be filled with his thoughts. He could not hear the sound of the cars out on the street, all he could hear was the chatter of the girls and the occasional slurping of the pasta. He threw in what comments he could as the women worked to help him feel part of the conversation.

When the topic turned back to him, he was surprised by what Tiffany said. “So, what should you call you when you are dressed like this? I mean you don’t quite look like a Thomas in that outfit and with makeup and the longer hair no one will ever know you are anything other than some sort of girl and if we call you Thomas then it won’t quite be right because the name will make you stand out and almost scream NOT GIRL and I know you don’t really want to do anything like that so we need to figure out what to call you in these cases.”

Stacy looked over at Thomas as he said, “I haven’t even thought about that. I mean, when I started therapy I was hoping to get rid of these urges not get more comfortable with them. Now they are part of my life and it seems like they are taking over. So I really have no idea.”

The other two nodded at that. Stacy replied. “Okay. Well, we can work on that if you want. I am sure we can think of some sort of name for you that is something that fits you and isn’t too odd.”

“Sure. I guess we can do that. Any ideas?” Thomas was actually a little worried about asking anyone about this but he had no idea where to start in terms of names. Letting the girls help made sense as they would probably be able to think of more girl’s names than he could.

Tiffany stared at Thomas intently. Thomas was a bit nervous but tried to relax under her gaze. She brightened suddenly and said, “Megan.”

Stacy scrunched her face at that. “No. That doesn’t fit. Makes her sound like a twink. What about Ashley?”

Thomas wasn’t sure about that. It didn’t sound quite right. “I don’t know. Uhm… maybe?”

Tiffany looked thoughtful for a minute. “Are you going to use your old name or something else for a last name?”

“Maybe I should use Rhymer for now. That way who I am is kept safe. It is unusual but I’m fine with that and it’s not like changing my last name is going to be as weird as changing my first name. So I guess we go with a name that goes with Rhymer. Elizabeth?” offered Thomas.

The two girls looked thoughtful as they considered the name an any possible nicknames off of it. “Nah,” replied Tiffi. “It doesn’t fit you.”

“I was thinking of Rachel, but Rachel Rhymer just sounds odd. Maybe we should stay away from any R’s.” said Stacy. “What about Kelly?”

Thomas thought about it for a second. It was close but didn’t sit right. “I like it, but what else is there. I mean it doesn’t really sing for me.”

“Alright. There is always Willow. I mean she was like the hottest character on Buffy. I so totally had a crush on her.” said Tiffany.

“Willow Rhymer? That just sounds odd.” stated Thomas, looking at her as if she were weird.

Tiffany harrumphed at that and Stacy looked up from her plate of pasta. “What about Melanie or Emily? Either of them work for you?”

Thomas rolled them together in his head. Emily sounded pretty good. That or Kelly weren’t too bad. Tiffany blurted out another name. “Sierra.”

“Sierra?” asked both Thomas and Stacy.

“Yeah. There was this really hot girl I knew once whose name was Sierra. That way you can be blessed with her hotness.” Tiffany was nodding wildly, clearly excited by that name.

“What? Blessed with her hotness?” said Thomas, quite befuddled by Tiffany’s rapid direction changes.

“Sure. Sierra Rhymer. See, sounds good.” Tiffany beamed as if she found the best name in the world.

Thomas thought over the various names, however, for some reason he kept coming back to Emily. There was just something about the name that fit something, but he wasn’t sure what. Emily Rhymer sounded like the name made sense overall and it sounded solid, right. Should he go with that? He wasn’t sure of what to say. He was uncertain, feeling uncomfortable and he could feel some of the muscles in his back tense. The female name was really important but was he ready to take that step? Was he ready to accept this whole gender thing he was going through and that he needed to follow this new path that led someplace completely different from anything he had ever experienced before? Fighting in Iraq wasn’t as uncertain as this whole experience was. You fired your weapon and you either hit the enemy or you didn’t. This gender thing was an area composed of shades of gray. Should he choose or let the girls decide? Did he want to be responsible for this? Choosing a name that he would be known as for a while? That felt kind of permanent.

The girls sat quietly and watched as Thomas juggled his way through the name problem. He sat there, head bowed a little, silently but with his mind running, sorting this whole issue into a way that would be easier for him to cope with. Finally, he made a decision. He would choose a name. After all, since he wasn’t changing his name legally he could take the name out for a test drive and see if it fit. He may not have liked the gender trouble he had found himself mired in but he was working to stay above water and to make it back to the shore. Maybe choosing a name would help him to move along with this and not feel trapped by various doubts that kept making him feel worse. He nodded and looked up. “I think I really like Emily. It works well and it certainly is easy to spell and remember.”

Tiffany clapped and Stacy smiled at him. “Emily it is then. Now when do you want to do your hair?”
Thomas thought about this. He wasn’t sure he was ready to have the extensions attached to his head, as it would be sort of permanent, a big step. He would go from the short bit of hair he had regrown since he had left the Army, which really wasn’t all that much, maybe two inches, to much longer hair. Suddenly, he would have hair that went down to the middle of his back. That would certainly be something. Even having hair to his collars would be new, as his hair had never been allowed to grow out that much when he had been a kid. He was used to short hair and this was going to be a major change for him. However, if he was going to do it maybe he should do it before classes started jut to be on the safe side. That way it wouldn’t seem out of place for his hair to be as long as it was going to be to anyone he met. He didn’t have his school ID yet either, as he had bumped into Tiffany before he was going to go do that. He needed to talk to his Doc about this, but his next appointment was tomorrow and he didn’t have his Doc’s phone number. He felt trapped by the fact that he had to make a decision and suddenly he went sort of numb.

The three of them moved to the living room and Thomas fell heavily onto the couch. Stacy had found his liquor cabinet, or rather his cabinet full of liquor. She poured a little of his Irish whiskey into some glasses and handed them out. “Well then, since you have chosen a name, I propose a toast. To Emily Rhymer, our newest girlfriend.”

Tiffany cheered loudly at that. Thomas blushed as they all clinked their glasses together. There was a sense of solidity to her statement that Thomas was a little afraid of, but maybe, just maybe he could handle being Emily Rhymer every once in a while. It wasn’t like what he was doing was hurting anyone. He sighed, tapped his glass to the table and took a drink of what Stacy had handed him. “To Emily Rhymer!”