Copyright© 2012 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
Once we got the okay from the police, we went and fed the dormice; while in there people from bio-chem arrived to check over the damage caused by the thieves, the police were still in attendance. Once we’d finished with Spike and her pals we went and spoke with the police, who by now had an Inspector present.
We went to my office, which if you recall is near the laboratories and there Danny and I gave statements about what we witnessed, and consequently did.
“Why didn’t you just run off with your son?”
“I didn’t get the chance, they seemed to appear before I could get away, and then I got trapped on the stairs with one of them, and his intentions were anything but friendly.”
“He was the one we found upstairs?”
“No, he was with two of his mates that I trapped on the staircase.”
“Who was the one upstairs, then?”
“He was the one who tried to strangle me,” I pointed to the bruises on my throat.
“Did you have to half kill him?”
“I had to make sure he was of no further threat to me. You saw the size of him.”
“I saw he was quite a big chap, yes.”
“Well I managed to break away from his attempt to kill me, which I think he would have done.”
“So you just broke half the bones in his body defending yourself?”
“Yes, he just didn’t give up until I put him down for keeps. As far as I’m aware, self defence is still legal, or was I supposed to die in order for him not to get too upset?”
“That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.”
“Do I? I protected myself against a larger opponent and tried to save the university from losing thousands of pounds worth of equipment.”
“You seem to have a record of violence, though, don’t you?”
“Do I? I think you’ll find it’s all in self defence.”
“But there appears to be a pattern to it?”
“Yes there is, they attack me and I fight back.”
“You’re not some martial arts expert, are you?”
“Nope, I’ve never done any of them, except a few things my sister in law showed me of kickboxing.”
“Oh like that Yankee film star, Richard wotsisname?”
“Richard Gere, you mean?”
“Officer and a gentleman?”
“I believe so.”
“Must be ’im then. Right, we’ve got your statement and that of your boy, clever young chap—he managed to get away without killing too many of them.”
“Next time I’ll let them get away with half the university, unless of course, they touch my dormice and then I’ll have to kill them all.”
“I hope you’re joking, Lady Cameron, otherwise I’d have to caution you.”
“It wasn’t threat.”
“Sounded like one to me; so what was it then?”
“Who are you Nostradamus?”
“No, I have a higher kill rate than he did.”
“You have a very strange sense of humour, Lady Cameron.”
“Inspector Milligan, it could be argued that the most absurd thing here is the law which protects criminals and persecutes victims.”
“So if you’re the victim, how come it’s the other guy who’s in hospital?”
“It’s one of those paradoxes, I showed him the sound of one hand clapping and he fell about laughing so violently he cracked a rib or two and banged his elbow and his knee.”
“Very funny, I don’t think.”
“Yes well you carry on persecuting the innocent, and the villains will love you.”
“I’m just doing my job, ma’am.”
“So am I. I work here remember? Part of that job entails looking after the premises and the equipment.”
He went off and I drove us home. Simon was livid when I told him what happened, while in the other room Danny was elaborating on my tale of derring-do, to the extent that I’d disabled six of them, all armed with sawn-off shotguns.
“They’re talking of prosecuting you?”
“The copper said the guy I took out was claiming I assaulted him.”
“What about the bruises on your neck, get Trish to photograph them.”
“I think I need a doctor to do it, Trish could be accused of doing some Photoshop enhancing.”
“C’mon then, let’s go down the QA.” He insisted and all I wanted to do was eat my dinner and go to bed—I was feeling quite exhausted now—but we went and the doctor on casualty was Ken Nicholls, who happily took some pics and told me he’d write a report for me saying I had a bruised larynx, severe bruising on my throat and possible damage to my trachea.
“I don’t do I?” I asked in astonishment.
“If it stops you getting charged by those idiot plod, I’ll tell ’em you arrested twice while I was assessing you.”
“But that would be wrong.”
“Look, tell Simon to take a walk and I’ll do the kiss of life here and now.”
“Ken, behave yourself—you’re a married man.”
“Damn, you remembered.”
“Yes, now thank you for your support—did the injured one turn up here?”
“I can’t tell you too much about that—breach of patient confidentiality and all that.”
“I don’t suppose the second one came with bruised nadgers, did he?”
“I can’t reveal that, Cathy.”
“So you don’t want me to go and heal them then?”
“If you went through to the ward, you’d frighten the two of them to death.”
I sat and visualised the two men in the ward and sent them healing. “You can discharge them now.”
“What? How come—the one guy was down for surgery tomorrow.”
“He got mysteriously better.”
“But you haven’t touched him?”
“I said it was a mystery, didn’t I?”
“So why bother to half kill him if you were going to sort him out afterwards?”
“I needed the practice.”
“Which, the healing or the physical work out?”
“Won’t they realise it was you who did it—the healing, I mean?”
“I could always go on the ward and break a few arms and legs for you if you’d like to practice fixing them.”
“No thanks, I’ve got enough to do without fixing up those thugs.”
“Okay, next time I’ll kill ’em for you.”
“How about next time you just run away and let them get on with it?”
“Would you do that if you saw them stealing your equipment?”
“I think I’d have a good look at the size of them before I did anything other than leg it.”
“I didn’t get that chance, they were on me so quickly.”
“I still don’t understand how a mere strip of thing like you hospitalised a mountain of a man like him?”
“Speed, speed and agility; speed, agility and surprise...”
“There isn’t a fanatical devotion to the Pope in there as well, is there?” With that we both fell about laughing.
The phone rang and he took the call, “Sounds like your assailants have mysteriously healed and can go into custody.”
“Must be something in the air here,” I winked and left to find Simon who’d been patiently sat in the waiting room reading a five year old copy of The Field.
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