Transitioning Home
by poetheather

For Sergeant Thomas Simmons, getting injured in Iraq was just the start of an adventure that would throw him down the rabbit hole into a world where nothing made sense anymore. Having to restart his life, this soldier has to take his battlefield courage and turn it to a different arena in order to face this newest set of challenges. He just wonders if he is strong enough to handle this newest change in his life.

Sixteen

“So Emily, what do you think?” hollered Stacy. The music thrummed through the air almost stopping conversation.

They were on the bottom floor of The Lounge, the Nashville Lesbian bar that Tiffany and Stacy went to all the time. After a few days hanging out with them crossdressed they had managed to drag him out to the bar on Friday night. He was nervous, but not as badly as he had expected as it really came across as a regular bar, but with a lot more women. He figured that he his being calmer had something to do with the fact that he was with his two friends and they were going to look out for him. They were here to keep him as safe as they could and he appreciated that. He leaned in towards Stacy and yelled back,
“Not too bad.”

The three girls had gotten a small table at the back of the club, wedged into a corner by the bar. The long bar had two bartenders running full tilt, pouring drinks at a speed that was magical to watch.

There was a mix of lesbians, gay guys and straight couples in the place all having fun. There was an oxygen bar upstairs as well as a pool room, but he had no desire to climb the stairs. There was even an outdoor area with tables if talking was what was desired. It certainly didn’t remind him of that crap bar in downtown Clarksville where he had met Debra. For one thing, it was a good bit nicer, and for another there weren’t a lot of soldiers vying for the same few women who were there to find a husband or just someone to screw. The fact that there was a large percentage of women here also helped, as far as Thomas was concerned. He still craved women and there was nothing about men that interested him.

They had gotten their first round of drinks and were talking to each other, actually more like yelling at each other to try and be heard over the pulsing music. Tiffany had gotten Thomas a Cosmopolitan, saying, “I kind of thought that Emily might drink a girly drink as opposed to a beer.”

He had shrugged and took a sip. It was actually surprisingly good, though he wasn’t a big fan normally of cranberry juice, but apparently there was something that the vodka did that made it quite good.
Stacy had told him that she was going to buy him his next drink. Thomas had asked what it was but she has just laughed at him. “Come on Emily, like I’m going to ruin the surprise.”

He shook his head laughing a little. He was starting to get used to being called Emily, as that’s what the girls had been calling him whenever he was dressed in girl’s clothes and even sometimes when he was not ever since he had chosen it. He really didn’t have a problem with that, as it did keep his anonymity. The name felt cute to him for some reason. Another song came on and Tiffany squealed. “Em, come on!”

With that, Thomas found himself dragged onto the dance floor without his cane. He had just barely managed to avoid hurting himself on the way out there and now had no idea what to do. He looked helplessly back at Stacy, pleading for help with his eyes. She laughed and headed over to Thomas, carrying his cane and leaned in. “Just move however you want, let your body move to the music. Follow along with some of the other girls if you want. We’ll stay close in case your leg has trouble.”

Thomas smiled weakly and began to sway and start to dance. The body movements were making the skirt swish about and he was really enjoying the sensation. It did feel really cool and unlike anything he had felt before. He began to feel the music in his body and he just laughed at himself. The realization that he was so uptight that he wasn’t able to move well was amusing. He mentally shook himself and just moved to the music in whatever way his body wanted to to the best of his ability. As a guy, he had been more worried about how he looked then in feeling the music and moving with it, he had been completely self-conscious. Now, as a girl, he just moved. It was exhilarating. He really hadn’t just let his body move in months, almost as if he was afraid of hurting himself again. He laughed aloud and swayed with the music more.

Finally, thirst and a slow growing ache pulled him back to the table. He drank deeply of his drink. It felt good going down and helped cool him down. He shook his empty glass at Stacy, giggling. He wondered where that sound had come from as it had surprised him. It was a soft playful laugh as opposed to the usual guffaws he gave. It wasn’t worth thinking about at the moment though. He kept swaying in his seat as he waited for his drink.

Tiffany was still on the dance floor dancing her cute little goth girl’s heart out, her pigtails bouncing along with her. Thomas realized that he missed this, missed the whole going out and having fun thing with loud music and drinks. Missed the whole moving thing. His body ached some, but it was the good ache. Since this place was open every day of the week, he might have to come here a few times for fun by himself. Besides the exercise would certainly do him good

Stacy tapped on his shoulder and he turned in his chair, smiling at her. “Hey Stacy.”

She chuckled, amused with how alive Emily/ Thomas was becoming. It was fascinating. “Here you go Emily. This is a Sex on the Beach. They’re tasty.”

Thomas sipped it and then took a full drink. It was tasty. She really wanted more. She took another long pull of the drink, finishing half of the drink. Stacy smiled at that. “See. It’s a great goodness.”

“Thank you so much Stacy.” He gave her a quick hug, which surprised both of them. “Thank you for everything.”

Stacy chuckled and pulled Thomas towards the dance floor. “Come on then. Put your drink down and let’s dance.”

Again Thomas lost himself in the joy of his twirling skirt and the elation of movement. It was joyous. After a while, his leg started to ache in the bad burny way that burned through the alcohols haze so he made his way back to the table. He collapsed heavily into his chair, using a bar napkin to wipe the sweat from his face. He was panting, since he really was out of shape and his leg throbbed in time to the music. He rolled the glass over his forehead, the icy wet helping to cool him off some more. He drank deeply again, finishing his drink in one long pull. He waved a server over and asked her for another one. He liked those better than the Cosmopolitan.

He had propped up his leg on one of the chairs; the elevation making it hurt less, taking weight off it. He sighed in some relief and watched the crowd dance instead. He had never gotten the whole dance thing until now. The sheer excitement in just moving the body made much more sense now and he had really enjoyed it. The cold drink helped him cool off more and his heart rate slowed down, no longer pounding in his ears. He absently rubbed his hip, taking another sip of his drink, sighing contentedly. He had a happy warm buzz going and he was jut trying to nurse that feeling. The refill should certainly help.

“Hi, anybody sitting here?” Thomas turned at the voice and looked up at one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. She was a beautiful Asian girl with all the curves that he could ever dream of playing with. She was dressed in a blue leather mini-skirt and a thin, white tank top that had marks where she had sweat soaking through. Her eyes were brown, he noted, and she had a button nose. He was stunned by the sight.

“Uhm… no.” replied Thomas nervously. She wanted to talk to him? Why?

“So… what’s your name?” she asked, leaning in to better be heard over the pound of the music, her face right next to his.

Thomas wasn’t sure what to say. The girls had told him to always use Emily when he was dressed but what if she liked him, thought he was attractive, thought he was a real girl? He didn’t know what to do so he just went with the advice. “Emily.”

“Pretty name. First time here?” she asked, smiling at him.

Thomas nodded and replied, “Yeah. What’s your name?”

“Leah.” The girl replied, fanning herself with a hand. She was apparently still warm.

Thomas nodded thoughtfully. He really had no idea of where to go with things right now. This seemed a bit more difficult than getting drunk and screwing. Actually talking to someone and getting to know them was hard. He grasped at anything and asked something dumb, “Come here often?”

Leah smiled at him brightly. He noticed that it touched her eyes in a way Debra’s smile hadn’t, even when they first met. She leaned in even closer, to make herself better heard. “Yes. Almost every night since I live about a block away from here. Uhm… hey, wanna go outside and talk? It’ll be easier than screaming at each other?”

Thomas stood up to follow her and his leg gave way under him. Leah rushed over to him and caught him from completely collapsing onto the floor, holding him in her arms. “Oops. Let me lean against the bar for a second.”

She helped Thomas over to the bar, letting him rest a lot of weight on her and he leaned against the bar, keeping his weight off his leg. Leah smiled and asked, “Too much to drink?”

Thomas smiled and shook his head. This was most certainly not due to drinking but from too much dancing. “Nope, RPG round and masonry.”

Leah looked a bit shocked at that and blinked at him a few times. She shook herself and offered her shoulder. “Come on Emily, let’s get outside.”

After navigating the narrow confines of the bar, they grabbed a seat at one of the metal round tables in the walled off patio. The wooden privacy fence had ivy growing up it in a few places and even a few wisteria vines. The air felt cool compared to what it was like inside. Thomas closed his eyes a bit and just breathed in the cool air. There were honeysuckle vines everywhere on the patio as well and the combination of scents gave the place a wonderful fragrance. The metal chair was actually fairly comfortable overall.

Leah looked at him quizzically and said, “RPG?”

Thomas giggled a bit at her confusion. Did she really not have a clue what he was talking about? He took a sip of his drink, which had amazingly not spilled, and replied, “Yeah. I was injured pretty badly in Iraq. Got blown up basically and shrapnel from the RPG, that’s Rocket Propelled Grenade, and the wall had to be dug out of my shoulder and leg. Hence the limp.”

Leah looked thoughtful at that. “You seemed to be dancing pretty well out there for someone who is that screwed up.”

He smiled again and his cheeks reddened a little. She had been watching him? “Yeah. I had most of my weight on my one good leg so I wouldn’t fall on my face. Having the alcohol dull the pain was a great help as well. Oh, thank you for catching me, by the way. I really hate falling. It’s pretty embarrassing. My cane usually keeps that from happening for the most part but sometimes…”

Leah looked confused and then looked around the table they were at. “Hate to break it to you Soldier Girl, but I see no cane.”

Thomas looked around for his cane and then started laughing. This went on for a short while with Leah sitting there uncomfortably, unsure of what was so funny. “Oh… sheesh… that would explain everything. I guess I am more drunk than I thought. I was sure I had my cane with me.”

“Speaking of that, want another round?” asked Leah. When Thomas nodded, she waved for a server who was picking up used glasses. When the girl came over there Leah said, “Hey, Debbie. Can I get a Rum and Coke and Emily here a …?”

“Sex on the Beach please.” requested Thomas. He felt relaxed and happy despite the pain he was in. This had been a fun evening so far and it seemed to be looking up with Leah here. She was hot and interesting, or at least interesting so far. The girls had made another great idea happen and he really had no idea how they did that.

As the waitress nodded and headed off with her tray filled with empties, Leah looked at him and said, “Umbrella drinks much?”

With a shrug he replied, “Tonight is the first night I’ve ever had them. Honest. I usually drink beer or rum and coke or straight something. Really.”

Leah snickered at the protestations of innocence. “There is something about you Emily that I can’t really figure out. I kind of like it.”

Thomas instantly got paranoid and pulled back slightly from Leah. Had he been read? Did she know? What gave him away? What the hell should he do? Oh crap! “What?”

“I just can’t figure how a cute girl like you would be here without a date? You mean someone hasn’t just scooped you up yet? I find that hard to believe.” Her words were teasing and suggestive, and not talking about reading her. She was playfully trying to draw him out.

Thomas really was at a loss as to what to say or even how to reply to this. It was not what he had expected her to say and he had no idea how to respond to this kind of flirting. He had usually been on the other side of this conversation. “Uhm…”

“There you are.” said Stacy, walking out with Tiffany in tow who was still bouncing to the music. They had his purse and his cane in hand which gave him a sense of relief. Walking would be a bit tough without that. “When we couldn’t find you we got worried.”

“No, really I’m fine. Leah here helped me out.” Thomas uttered a silent prayer of thanks for his escape from trying to respond to her flirting.

Stacy shook her head in amusement as she looked at Leah and Thomas. Her eyes took all this in and her smile grew wider. “Yeah, Leah is great at helping people.”

Thomas looked confused, turning his head back and forth between the two young women. “You know her?”

“Yep.” replied Stacy. “She and I used to date before Tiffi and I hooked up. We actually ended well. Thank the gods.”

Leah nodded. “We managed to stay friends and to look out for each other. That can be a rare thing in this community. Except someone here neglected to tell me all about the cute Vet she knew.”

This time Stacy laughed aloud, so hard that tears rolled down her face. Tiffany looked concerned as her girlfriend nearly toppled off of her chair from how hard she was laughing. This was certainly attracting the attention of all the other tables. Wiping tears from her eyes, she finally regained her composure, smiling broadly. She sighed and the stated. “Leah, honey, this is the cute Vet I have told you about. More than once.”

Leah looked confused, then thoughtful, then aware and then stunned all in the span of about a fifteen seconds. This made both Tiffany and Stacy laugh and Thomas smiled nervously at her. He was embarrassed, both for him and for her and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Thomas was going to tell her at some point but that option had been taken away thanks to Stacy and Leah was being mocked. He didn’t like that. “Hey… that’s uncool Stacy. Be nice.”

Leah just stared at him, her mouth working like a fish trying to breathe air and her eyes wide. It was a bit funny but Thomas kept from laughing as he didn’t want her to feel bad. Finally, the two other girls stopped laughing. Tiffany said, “Sorry Em, we didn’t mean anything mean by laughing. What you don’t know is that just that a few months ago Leah went off on this huge rant about the fact that some of the members of the Trans group come here after their meeting. She was seriously bitching about those ‘guys in dresses’, which is what I believe her choice of words was. And I have to give her a point, some of them do look like that and their makeup scares even me but Leah here said she could totally spot a trans girl despite the fact that there are several actually hot girls in that group that I would totally go after if I weren’t attached and most of them were married or I guess still married would be the better way to put it though I am not sure what the protocol for that is…”

Tiffany stopped babbling at a touch from Stacy. She looked up at her girlfriend lovingly for a moment and then Stacy said, “So I made a bet with her. I told her all about you Em and told her all sorts of things. And here I am, finding out that I win with someone she should have known all about. That’s funny.”

Leah still looked like a fish. She worked her mouth, as if trying to make it work in some way other than gaping at Thomas. She finally blurted out, “There is no way that she is a he!”

Thomas blushed at this. It was a compliment, even though it wasn’t phrased as one. He smiled at her and said, “Thank you.”

Leah looked at him and then over to Stacy and Tiffany who were nodding their heads, confirming everything they had just said. She looked back at Thomas whose smile was getting weaker the longer this went. He had been having such a good time just before this incident and he started to feel like he was doing something bad. Thomas felt tears welling up as his emotions roiled. Leah smiled weakly at him and asked, “I don’t suppose that you’ve had the surgery yet?”

Thomas shook his head no. Tears slowly began to flow. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trick you or anything. I can go if you want.”

As Thomas was reaching for his cane, she grabbed his arm, stopping him. He turned to look at her through the tears. “Don’t. Before these two bitches got here and outed you, I was happily talking to the cutest girl here tonight. I don’t think I want to stop that now.”

Thomas smiled back faintly. Did she really accept him? “Really?”

She nodded. “Really.”

With that, Leah turned to face Stacy, “Now you two, git! I had this table first.”

Stacy and Tiffany both made amused noises before getting up. They left Thomas’s stuff there, where he needed them. Tiffany turned after a few steps. “Hey Em. If we’re not here try to find a ride home. ‘Kay. But if you can’t just call and we will come rescue you.”

Thomas nodded. He wiped the tears from his face, hoping his makeup wasn’t totally ruined, as if the sweating during her dancing hadn’t worn most of it off. He sipped on his drink as he turned back to face Leah. She smiled and said, “Well, I guess that would explain why you haven’t been scooped up yet. Anyway, as I was saying… this is your first time here?”

Thomas nodded shyly. His heart was pounding and felt like it was in his throat. He wiped his sweaty palms on his skirt and bit his bottom lip.

“You need to come here more often. That way I can easily see you again.” Leah smiled brightly.

Thomas again found himself in a position where he really had no idea of what to say in response. He did blush though, which he had no idea how to stop. Looking down to try and hide his face, Thomas mumbled out, “Thank you.”

“Any way, let me get to know you more. Where are you in your transition so far?” She put her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands. She looked honestly interested in him and what he had to say.

Thomas smiled faintly. Maybe this wasn’t actually the disaster that he thought it was going to become. Maybe he could manage to find a way to make this all work out. “I… I just started really. The Doc is going to get me an appointment to see someone for hormones as the VA doesn’t cover that, which pisses me off. They say that they are going to take care of all your medical needs and then renege on the deal because they don’t agree with it. It’s a pain in the ass. So I have to go see a civilian doctor and pay for my meds.”

Leah looked at him closely, as if trying to see past a façade and he shifted under her gaze like a nervous mouse watching a snake. “Are you sure you aren’t a girl?”

Thomas blushed again. That seemed to be happening a lot lately and he wasn’t sure the reason. Mulling over the question, trying to figure out what to say, he finally hit upon something, the truth. It seemed a radical idea to him. “Well, truth be told I am a girl. True it is a girl with some plumbing issues to deal with but a girl nonetheless. At least, that’s how I see things.”

Leah looked thoughtful as she stared into Thomas’s blue eyes that were somewhat flecked with green. She weighed what Stacy had said, with what her eyes were telling her, along with everything that Emily said as well. She chuckled at herself and what an idiot she was, then smiled at the blond. “I think I just might be able to deal with that.”

It was Thomas’s turn to look incredulous, eyes wide, mouth open. “Wha..?”

“I was just thinking,” said Leah, as she brushed a stray lock of her dark hair behind an ear. “That if you look this good now, pre-anything, than I really am interested in what the final product will look like. I can hardly believe I’m saying this, but would you like to go out and get some coffee with me?”

Thomas blinked, trying to connect all of the dots of this conversation in his alcohol rich brain. He kept getting Q for an answer which wasn’t all that helpful. He smiled shyly, “Really?”

Leah chuckled, especially from the look of confusion on Thomas’s face. “Yes silly, with you. Gods you are cute.”

She reached out and took one of Thomas’s hands. Thomas noted that they were warm and a little sweaty themselves, from either the drinks or nerves. Thomas blushed again at the compliment. He really had no idea why he was reacting like this, unless it was because it was novel and that made him self-conscious. “Thank you.”

They talked for a little while longer before Leah stood and held out her hand to him. He got to his feet with the help of his cane and her. After they scanned the dancing mob for a while and realized that there was no sign of Tiffany of Stacy, the two of them made their way out of the club, hand in hand, as neither had wanted to let go of the other. Thomas liked it. It was nice. Debra hadn’t been the hand holding type, hadn’t been really much of anything except a booty call.

They walked slowly down the block chatting happily. Given how unsteady Thomas felt he was, he was leaning heavily on the cane. She didn’t seem to mind that they were not going quickly. Thomas liked how this situation seemed to be going and was interested and intrigued by the fact that talking with her was sort of like talking with the guys in his Unit. It was almost as if they were speaking the same language. Thomas had never found anyone who seemed to fit him, who seemed to resonate within him in the way that Leah did. It was strange and nice at the same time.

After walking a few blocks, they made it to her house, which was small, old and worn, looked well loved given its condition, with a nice garden. There were a few steps up to the porch and Thomas grimaced a few times on his way up them. The dancing had been fun but maybe it wasn’t worth it in the long run if this kind of pain was what he got to look forward to. He figured that next time he would still dance, planning on sucking up and driving on. It had been fun and made him feel alive.

Thomas complemented her on the house again and Leah smiled. “My grandfather got it for me. I pay him the mortgage fee and I don’t have to deal with a mortgage company threatening to break my knees if I’m a bit late with a payment. I like the location as East Nashville has some very cool stores and restaurants around it within walking distance or at least a very short drive. Everything I need is right around me.”

She headed through the house and into the kitchen, while he followed her. The view from behind was quite enjoyable as Leah had a really nice ass. Thomas wanted to reach out and touch it, but figured that would get him into a lot of trouble at this point. She was still talking, “…wondering what it was that you did in the Army.”

“Infantry. I was stationed up at Fort Campbell in the Five-Oh-Deuce. It was my only duty station as we shipped off to Afghanistan and then Iraq and then I got injured in the fighting there. You know, I miss it sometimes.” He leaned against a counter to take the weight off of his sore leg as she started making coffee, from grinding the beans on. He watched her closely impressed with the care she was giving coffee. She had several bags of beans that she looked through before selecting one.

“Why do you miss it? I don’t understand that. You were being shot and could have been killed.” asked Leah as she focused on getting the coffee started.

“I miss the camaraderie, the feeling that I was doing something to make the world a better place. I miss the down time with friends. Things like that. I mean, I was planning on serving twenty years in the service and hoping to go special forces or maybe Delta. I loved it.”

As it started brewing he realized by the wonderful smell that it was great coffee. He was wondering if there was some sort of secret connection between lesbians and coffee. Maybe he would have to check it out some time, but not now. Now he was focused on Leah and wanted to learn more about her. She started taking mugs down. “How do you like your coffee?”

“Just with sugar, please.” answered Thomas, smiling at her.

She nodded and got about fixing the coffee. She grabbed the mugs after she made them and headed back to the living room, where they both sat on the couch, looking at each other. “So Emily, what are your plans now that you are out of the service?”

He shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. I figured I would take some classes in history and try to become a schoolteacher or something. That should work out. I think.”

“So you’re not really sure.” It was a statement more than a question. She then countered. “What are you interested in, I mean really interested in? What do you dream of doing?”

Thomas thought and nothing really came to mind. He had been thinking so hard about this gender thing he was going through that he really had no idea what to do in other areas of his life. Everything had gone to solving this one problem and he was kind of lost until he found his way out. “All I had wanted to do growing up was join the service and to serve my country. I wanted to be a soldier for as long as I can remember. I had planned on making a career out of it as it would ensure I would never have to go back to the little town I come from but then I got injured and this crazy gender thing happened and I have been running double time just to keep up.”

Leah leaned over and hugged him. He used the pause as she sat back to take a sip of his coffee. It was very good, better than anything even Tiffany had managed to bring him, which was a quite good as well. Leah rested a hand on his knee then said, “I am sorry to hear that. What do you plan to do?”

Thomas smiled weakly and shrugged. “Take the basic classes at first so I can have the time to deal with this and then try to figure a major from there. I mean, I really have no clue what I want to do so I might as well keep all of my options open.”

“Sounds like a good plan to start with. You’re pretty smart Emily.” Leah said.

“Actually, my name is…” Leah leaned forward quickly, putting her fingers on his mouth, shushing him.

“I don’t want to know that name. To me you are Emily, the cute girl that I am starting to have a thing for. You are Emily to me and that’s all.” With that, she leaned forward a bit more and kissed him.

Thomas relaxed into the kiss, as Leah seemed to be taking charge and he opened his mouth to her willingly. He wasn’t sure what was going on with her and this name thing but she kissed really well. It felt wonderful, better than Debra’s kisses ever had, better than anyone else he had been with. It made his head spin in a good way. Was being Leah’s Emily that bad of an idea? He could be her Emily, after all he was a girl, wasn’t he? He was Emily after all, right? Then this shouldn’t be a problem, right?

She ran her hand along his leg, feeling the smoothness, smiling into her eyes. “You shaved your legs?”

Emily blushed some. He was trying to figure out how she could do that to him time and time again. “Well, actually, I shaved them this morning. It hurt, because I cut myself a couple of times but I do like the feel.”

Leah snickered at that, “Emily, you are such a girl.”