Perspectives: 31

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Josie

Visit to Southport
Perspectives:
a novel with eight voices

by Louise Anne Smithson

Carol — mother of Josie and Jenny(Saturday 6th August 2011)

I made sure that Jenny and Sue were home early last night and had packed their cases before they went to bed. Thus we were able to have some breakfast and make a reasonably early start. Jean had also promised me last night ensure that the other two would be ready to leave when we arrived at her house at about 9.30 am. We found them both ready and waiting for us. Karen was dressed fairly casually in a halter top and jeans along with the rest of us, but Josie was wearing a rather nice fawn coloured summer dress with pink flowers.

‘Wow! You look smart again this morning Josie, who did your hair and makeup for you?’ asked Sue when we arrived.

‘Your Mum helped me to put my hair in rollers last night, but otherwise it’s all my own work! I’m beginning to get the hang of doing it for myself,’ she answered proudly.

‘So I see, I didn’t realise we were expected to dress up for the car journey,’ I said, smiling.

‘I just wanted to show you one of my new dresses.’

‘Is that one of the ones that Denise gave to you?’ I asked.

‘Yes, I’ve acquired quite a number of her clothes over the last week,’ answered Josie.

‘And she has also bought herself some more fancy lingerie out of her own money,’ added Karen.

‘So I’ve been hearing. I think it was good of you to share your prize with the others.’

Sue now joined the conversation.

‘So did we, in fact Jenny, Karen and I have bought you a pair of earrings and a locket. It is nothing very much but just to say ‘thank you’ for helping us last weekend and agreeing to remain as a girl for the next few days so that we can all go on holiday together. Also for sharing your prize money with us,’ said Sue, handing over a small package in gift wrapping with a ribbon bow and a label.

Josie read the card and un-wrapped the package, thanking them all as she did so. She looked genuinely pleased as she removed her existing earrings which had been borrowed from Karen, replacing them with the new ones, and also put the chain round her neck. I remained a silent observer throughout the exchange, noting that Josie now seemed just as manually dextrous as the others when putting on jewellery, in spite of her long finger nails.

During the car journey to Southport the girls compared notes about what they had done during their previous week and planned what they were going to do over the next few days. I silently listened to their conversation as I drove the car, noting that Josie seemed to be effortlessly behaving as if she were a girl, and the others seemed perfectly happy to accept her as such, at least for the time being.

We checked in to a medium sized hotel midway between the Promenade and Lord Street in Southport and found ourselves occupying two adjoining rooms. The first of which contained two double beds, the second contained two singles. The twins volunteered to share a double bed; Josie and Jenny looked at one another, wondering what to say. However, this seemed to be a good opportunity for me to have a private chat with her.

‘I would like you to share a room with me Josie?’ I said. ‘I haven’t seen very much of you over the last fortnight and I’d welcome the opportunity of having a chat with you’

Josie silently acquiesced and carried her case into my room.

‘Why don’t we all unpack and then perhaps take a rest or a shower?’ I said to the others. I suggest that we should all meet again in the foyer in two hours’ time and then we can go out together and find ourselves some dinner.’

Once Josie and I were alone in the bedroom I was not sure how to broach the topic that was on both of our minds.

‘You seem to have acquired some very nice clothes from Karen’s friend,’ I commented as Josie began to unpack.

‘Yes, her mother insisted that she should give away some of them to make some room in her wardrobe, before she could buy any more. Denise knew that she and I were the same size and so offered them to me,’ she answered.

‘You also appear to have enjoyed yourself living as Josie again over the last week,’ I continued.

‘Yes I suppose I have,’ she answered, blushing a little. ‘Ever since I won the competition last weekend I have felt a lot more confident that I won’t be discovered if I go out. Over the last few days I have been over to see Denise and also out shopping in Crawley.’

‘I am pleased, to know that you have been having a good time, as long as you take care, ‘I answered.

‘I am also now quite competent about getting myself ready each morning and now that I have a range of different clothes available, I have been getting the hang of choosing what to wear,’ added Josie.

‘So I see! I also understand from Jean that you have been helpful to her business. In fact she is very pleased that you decided to stay for another few days as Josie.’

‘Yes, I suppose so, but how do you feel about me staying as Josie, Mum?’

‘I must admit that recent events have taken me by surprise but I want you to be happy, and I don’t think you were particularly happy as Joe.’

Josie thought for a while, but then began to cry.

‘Mum, I don’t know what I am going to do,’ she said with tears beginning to flow down her cheeks.

‘What do you mean my love?’

‘I don’t know what it all means. I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I have been during the last fortnight. I’m not looking forward to going back to being a boy, but I know I cannot stay as Josie,’ she explained.

‘I’m not sure what to say’ I answered.

‘Denise mentioned to me that she has a cousin who is ‘transgendered,’ so I looked up the word on the Internet. I think that I may be ‘transgendered’ as well because I feel so good about myself when I am being Josie, compared with Joe. I feel as if this is who I really am.’

‘But you have only been dressing as Josie for the last two weeks; surely it hasn’t all happened in that short period of time?’

‘It had previously gone through my mind that I might have been happier if I had been born a girl, but I’d never let myself think about it before. Then, when the others all wanted me to dress up as a girl for the first time, it all felt so right. Everything they did to me to make me look or act more convincingly just tended to reinforce those good feelings. When I won that competition last week, it felt as if I were fulfilling my destiny,’ she answered.

By now her tears were flowing freely.

‘Are you saying that you want to stay living as Josie?’

‘I don’t want to go back to being a boy.’

‘Do you want to have an operation to change your sex and spend your whole life living as a girl and then a woman, rather than as a man?’ I asked, feeling slightly alarmed by the idea.

‘I don’t know. I feel so confused about myself. All I can say is that I have been really happy as Josie and seem to get on well with Jenny and her friends. Yet I wouldn’t want to go back to our home dressed as a girl in case somebody recognised me. I am dreading the prospect of having to go back to being Joe next week’.

I put my arm around my sobbing child and attempted to offer her some comfort.

‘It has been a shock for me to discover that you are so much happier living as a girl than as a boy,’ I said, ‘but I promise that I will love you just as much either way’.

‘Thank you, but Mum, but what am I going to do?’

‘We do not have a problem for the next four days, as everyone here is expecting you to stay as Josie, but we will have to sort out what to do with you for the remaining four weeks of the summer holiday, and indeed after that. I suggest you should leave your problem with me for the time being, and in the meanwhile you should try to enjoy yourself as a girl for the next few days.’

‘Thanks Mum,’ said Josie, wiping her eyes.

‘But you must now allow me to use my judgement about discussing your situation with other adults, although I promise to do my best to make sure that your identity remains a secret, at least for the time being.’

‘Alright, then you may go ahead, if necessary,’ she replied.

‘I’ve been trying to find out some more about transgenderism, and have downloaded these from the Web. You might like to have a look at some of them,’ she said giving me a large envelope containing the information she’d printed out.

‘Jenny and I have been doing the same thing. I think we all need to do as much as we can to understand how you are feeling,’ I said. ‘However, in the meanwhile I suggest that you shouldn’t say anything to the others about the future unless they specifically ask you. Go and wash your face and repair your makeup before we go and get some food.’

Josie agreed and soon recovered her composure. She decided to change her dress and put on some more makeup.

I kept a close eye on the way my younger daughter behaved and interacted with the others, both during the dinner and afterwards as we all went out for an evening walk along the promenade, and on to the pier. For most of the time she seemed to be no different from the others, and the four girls chatted happily to one another. Occasionally there was a trace of awkwardness in her demeanour although she was clearly doing her best to fit in and the others appeared happy to help her learn how to do so.

‘I wonder if it could work.’ I thought to myself, ‘and whether Joseph would indeed be happier living as Josie. She certainly seems to be learning fast, but it would be such an enormous step to take for her to live full-time as a young woman.’

When we returned to the hotel, the others were planning to watch a film together in their room and invited Josie to join for a while. I agreed as I wanted to read several of the documents printed for me by my daughter.

Next time: Josie goes boating
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Comments

I love how

Josie confided to her Mom. An understanding Mom was a surprise to me. I thought there might be resistance, but nope! I am glad. Josie needs a lot of love and support and I am glad she has it with her Mom and friends ^^

Learn to Love

Ah.

"The Talk" went rather well, yes?
Every adult is so open minded (the ones in the story so far.)
What a dream situation for Josie.
Just a distant pipe dream for most, though....**Sigh**

Words may be false and full of art;
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell

hey now :)

*tight hugs Sigh*

I know, I know. *passes you the Biscotti and coffee*

Josie... revealed to her mom!

Renee_Heart2's picture

Her seams to be open to the idea although apprehensive about it. Josie dosent want to be Joe but dosent want to be seen as Josie at home but she is a LOT happier as a girl

Love Samantha Renee Heart

I understand ihr consern

I understand ihr consern about being seen at home becouse people can be very mean. I don't think sie cares really about other seeing ihr, as much as how they will react to ihr.

I feel sorry for ihr, It is going to be a very hard decision.

Love the book!

Laurie

Josie's mother Carol

can help her by reading the documents and getting her set up to see those who can help. Wonder how the others will react.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

So Far, So Good

joannebarbarella's picture

No bad vibes from Mum and she's got the first step off her chest. I think it helps that she's not going helter-skelter into full transition, which shows she's level-headed.