A Winters Tale

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'A tale of a friendship that 'couldn't be' that took a turn for the worse like the weather one cold snowy Christmas Eve in the heart of the Yorkshire Moors and the difficulties faced a few years later in trying to survive another Winter storm whilst in hope of reconciliation. Inspired by the Song by David Essex. '

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A Winter’s Tale
By Julie D Cole

 


 
The nights are colder now as winter has drawn in and the warmth of the late summer is long departed.

As I look out over the garden wall to the snow covered hills and up at the crag where each of the last five winters I have searched for signs of what happened to my closest friend Jake, who left in a hurry very upset, that dark and cold Christmas Eve.

This winter Christmas Eve the winds are strong again and it looks very bleak up at the crag where the winds can howl with a sound like baying wolves even on the calmest night. Around my cottage it was already like a Christmas card scene with snow falling and settling in the window ledges of my cottage. We always dream of a white Christmas but in this part of England in the North it’s usually quite bleak and dangerous. Lot’s of work for the mountain rescue teams even though our mountains are really hills.

So another Christmas Eve is here and for all the dangers it’s wonderful to see snow and see children playing in the village. This was the first snow to fall on Christmas Eve since the night that Jake disappeared after he panicked after kissing me. We were room mates and friends and neither of us considered ourselves gay. We just got along so well together and I really liked him. I suppose I shouldn’t have encouraged him and gone upstairs to dress for dinner. He wasn’t expecting Julie to return in place of Julian.

The snow was really settling now on my garden and on the branches of the oak tree that stood tall and strong and had survived many a winters storm. Tonight was going to be heavy snowfall and whilst it is a wonderful sight the sky looks like it is full and looking to relieve itself over Yorkshire. I wasn’t anticipating venturing out for at least a few days so I was well stocked with food and logs for the fire and the log burning stove that kept the cottage warm.

As I looked back over my shoulder into my cozy lounge the flames of the log fire that I’d lit that morning danced like angels and lit up the Wessel cups and the tinsel and decorations that I’d enjoyed placing all around the room. I’d placed gifts under the tree to open on Christmas Day yet I was likely to be alone again. Why had I been so angry and told Jake to leave and why had I been so surprised when he pushed me away when I surprised him. Why had I told him to get out and why had he slammed the door and disappeared into the night.

I looked outside again at the yellow ribbon that I’d tied around the girth of the tree. Would it survive the snow storm? It was my welcome sign to Jake who loved to sing the song and tease me about the tree saying he’d always look for a ribbon if we were ever parted or fell out with each other.

Even though I had doubts he survived nobody was reported found on the moors or near the crag so I lived in hope. I really did hope that Jake would return but still found it unlikely that he’d found his way over the hills that night since the snow was thick and the wind was fierce and cold but also because he was a stranger in the area. I just hoped that he hadn’t fallen or stumbled into a ditch or over the crag.

Why had he never contacted me? He had disappeared and I’d tried ringing his mobile on Christmas morning when I’d returned from searching only to find he’d left it in his bedroom along with all his clothes and his suitcase.

Maybe I should close the door like I did that night when I made the mistake of letting the snow cover his footsteps. Maybe I should forget him and move on with my life.

So with the heavy snow that night I couldn’t see which way he’d gone but suspected he’d headed for the crag that was the short cut to the village. I’d searched on Christmas day when I didn’t hear from him and all through that winter until the streams were full to the brim. I searched every year since he’d left all the time in fear that I’d find some trace of an accident or where he might have disappeared down a pothole and frozen to death. At least on New Years Day after that Christmas Eve I confirmed the direction he’d gone when I found a piece of his blue denim shirt on a thorn bush. He had no overcoat or sweater and he was crazy to leave the cottage like that. By the time I’d changed he’d disappeared.

After 5 years torture I was getting to the point where I was giving up and could follow him and search no more but my fire still burns at night hoping he survived and plucked up the courage to return. My memories of that Christmas Eve are still warm and clear and I hoped Jake felt the same. His kiss made me feel like a butterfly in spring. ‘Oh Jake please come back. Everybody knows it's hard to be alone at this time of year.’

Was it to be another winter's sad evening, just a sad winter’s tale for me to tell one day, just another winter's tale?

Why should the world take notice of my sadness? After all it’s just one more love that's failed and a love that could never be.

Jake I’d hoped I’d meant a lot to you like you had meant to me. But on a world wide scale I guess we are just another winter's tale. Now while I stand alone I can hear the distant sound of a bell. It’s the church bell ringing loud for everyone to hear even though it’s far away.

I wonder if you hear our bell. I wonder if you're alive and if you’re listening like me. It’s Christmas and it’s a time for joy and to think of our family and friends. Jake you became my family and my best friend when we bunked together at University. You protected me and I took care of you.

Oh Jake I wonder where you are today. Good luck wherever you are, I wish you well
for all that wishes may be worth. I hope that love and strength are with you even though I offended you and that you can forgive my weaknesses. I can’t help myself and I can never hide my feelings for you. I’ve got all the gifts I bought these last 5 years, still unwrapped, together with a diamond watch that I bought with my hard earned money working in the village pub where I’d finally gained confidence to be me.

Oh Jake it’s just another winter's tale, we’re just another winter's tale.

Why should the world take notice of one more love that's failed? It's a love that could never be even though it meant a lot to you and me. On a world-wide scale we're just another winter's tale.

Why must we be just a winter's tale? Please see my ribbon tonight. Have courage since I don’t like to be just another winter's tale.

Come back please so we can make the world take notice. We’re not just one more love that's failed just because friends and family feel that it's a love that could never be. Oh Jake I pray to you please. It meant a lot to you and me. On a world wide scale we're not just another winter's tale.

I locked the door and drew the curtain to stop the draught but I decided to leave the curtains open so I could watch the snow falling. Somehow everything goes silent when it snows. No sound of cars or the horn of the village bus. It’s Christmas Eve after all.

I poured myself a glass of wine and settled into my relax chair by the fire side and sipped gently to avoid leaving a lipstick smear. Tonight I had taken extra time to prepare and chosen the most expensive lipstick and foundation from my large collection. I had treated myself to a Christmas dress in bright red and selected a shoulder length deep auburn wig even though my own hair was quite long by now. But the color wasn’t right whereas I felt that the wig matched perfectly and since it was very expensive it was styled perfectly and looked real. I aim to dye my own hair to a deeper color like this and to have it cut and styled in the New Year as a treat to myself. A girl must invest in her appearance after all.

The silver bracelet watch and the charm bracelet I’d bought for myself as gifts from Jake last year, matched perfectly. He had quite a tab to pay if he was to get back in my good books. I’d taken the step to be myself just for his benefit yet he’d turned and run out of the door.

It was Christmas Eve so it was a night for silk stockings, suspender belt and my highest patent stiletto heels. I sat back and crossed my legs and admired my shapely carves and slim ankles that were the envy of Jackie, my bar colleague at the Golden Lion in the village where I had been working part time. She had become a close friend and tonight she was working whilst I had taken the evening off. Even though it was expected to be the busiest night of the year. I felt that I couldn’t work on Christmas Eve incase Jake returned. Just in case he plucked up the courage to come back. Well for his mobile phone at least if not for me. But look at the treat he’d have in store for him. I wanted to give him a Christmas kiss and looked across at the mistletoe pinned carefully to the underside of the big roof beam that stretched across the lounge. I’d pinned a few Christmas cards on it to give the room a feeling of happiness. Some were last years but who cares. I have to fight the lonely feeling. Christmas can be the best or the worst time of the year.

I looked in the large mirror hanging over the fireplace and decorated with fake snow. I might not have been the beautiful girl he’d have liked to have been with when I kissed him that Christmas Eve but I’d changed a lot and I wished he could see me now. Yes Jake if you could see me now and if you only knew how I felt about you. I knew that if he saw me like this he might reconsider and stay. I was more like the girl he wanted and could never expect he’d have eyes for an ugly duckling type of guy dressed in womens clothes.

I’d taken great care of myself since Jakes rejection and I’d decided to give up living a lie. I found that I was much happier like this even if it wasn’t full time. Maybe he wouldn’t be so uncomfortable to be with me now. My features had softened and I’d learned how to expertly apply make-up. My waist had narrowed and my butt was firm and in nice proportion thanks to the hours I spent walking and on my stepper. My breast insets seemed to be part of me these days. I didn’t like to be without them. I’d love them to be natural.

‘Oh Jake why can’t you see me now and give me chance to be your girl.’

I switched on the TV to try to cheer myself only to find news bulletins giving out severe snow storms that didn’t bode well for the Christmas revelers who might be venturing out on the roads, especially to make a long journey to family or friends like I hoped Jake would do. If he was indeed still alive.

I guess the earlier glasses of wine started to take effect as tears welled in my eyes recalling the argument we’d had and the fear that something tragic might have happened on that cold winters night near the Crag. The Crag is bleak at the best of times and the rolling hills are unfriendly on a cold winters night just as much as they can be beautiful when the heather is at its most colorful.

I switched to a film channel to find something to cheer me up and hoped for an ‘oldie’. I was delighted to find ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ playing. It was the 1947 version with the film debut of a very young Natalie Wood. Even though I’d seen it many times before and the later version too it was just what I needed, a story with a happy ending. It reminded me of my younger days making lists for Santa Claus.

As a young child I’d often left a note underneath the Christmas tree and a special note high up. Whilst I’d been lucky to receive nice gifts mentioned in the main list the secret message that I left high in the tree had never really been answered to my satisfaction even though I had faith in him. Just like the girl that young Natalie played. It was strange that I still wanted to believe in Santa so I took out a pen and paper from my desk and wrote another secret message to Santa.

‘Dear Santa Claus
Make me happy when I wake, I know it’s true you can,
I’d always wished to be a girl and I shouldn’t have been a man
So please this time I have a special wish, I really need to know
That Jake’s still alive and wasn’t harmed and frozen in the snow.’

I popped it as high up the tree as I could as always and I was helped by extra height of my heels. Oops I suddenly realised that I was balancing on one foot and kicking out the other for balance. I’d almost stumbled in my heels that Christmas Eve when Jake caught me and suddenly he looked at me differently and perhaps he finally accepted that we weren’t just old room mates. But I saw his facial expression change and then he turned and left as if he was running for his life.

When I was young I used to stand on a chair to leave my message as close to the fairy as I could. Oh Santa dear I suppose I eventually got my wish to live my life as a girl at least part time. I know that mom tried to help but she would only let me spend weekends or holiday time as the girl much to dad’s annoyance. Now I live alone I can please myself. So finally here I am, living as a woman most of the time such that I can’t feel comfortable anymore when dressed as a man.

I sighed and shed happy tears as the film drew to a close and the credits rolled. The little girl got her wish of a nice house and a mom and dad to look after her. Hard to believe that this girl, Natalie Wood, died such an awful death years later. It broke my heart.

I switched on my computer to open my file of pictures of Natalie and photos of me trying to look like her. She was so beautiful and how I longed to look like her. I had the eyes and the nose and I knew I could have looked more beautiful with expert help rather than my attempts with cheap make-up and borrowed clothes.

I guess the wine was making me feel relaxed and so I kicked off my shoes and curled up on the sofa looking into the fire. It smelt wonderful and the logs crackled and spit a little with the occasional slight wining noise. I looked at the window to see that the snow was really intense now. Oh dear no chance of Jake visiting in this weather.

I guess it was just going to be another sad Winters tale so I put my head on the big cushions and couldn’t keep my eyes open as I watched the dancing flames. The music on TV was so wonderful as several choirs sang Carols. I must have fallen asleep because I felt cold and the fire had died down. The lights had flickered a few times before going out. Shame a power cut. The storm must be worse than I expected.

I decided to put another log on the fire and get a blanket. I loved the feel of my nyloned legs and wiggled my toes to wake them up. I’d stay here until the lights came back on tho avoid going upstairs to my dark bedroom.

No TV and so I decided to close my eyes and try to sleep.

There was a wind blowing and some banging outside. Surely the gate couldn’t move or the shutters creak in all this snow. I got up to look out of the window but it was difficult to see. So I put on my shoes and took my torch from the cupboard and drew the curtain to open the front door. As I shone the light down the path I could see that a branch on the oak tree had snapped and was hanging by a thread. It had been banging against my wooden fence. The wind blew and lifted my skirt that was a shock for a moment as I held it down. I was getting covered in snow but I wanted to kick off my shoes and run in my stockinged feet to enjoy the feel of snow on my toes. How stupid could I have been. The front door slammed behind me and I hadn’t secured the latch. My God how to get back in. No coat and no boots or shoes and no way to find the spare key that I hid under a stone frog. Where was he? I scrambled around on my hands and knees looking for him. I hadn’t seen him for quite a while come to think of it.

I tried to put my shoulder to the door but it hurt. I was 2 stones lighter these days anyway and I winced at the pain. I was stupid to think I could knock down a solid oak door and I was never very strong anyway.
After 10 minutes sratting around I was starting to panic. My feet were freezing and I couldn’t feel my fingers. My nose was like an icicle. I walked around to the back of my cottage to see if I’d left a window open. No luck with this damn double glazing. What to do now. I couldn’t walk to the village like this. I’d freeze to death. Oh my God had this happened to Jake that night. It must have been terrible. Why didn’t he just turn back.

I had two choices now. Either shelter in the log hut or try to get to the village in my bare feet. At least I had my torch if I took the second option but the snow seemed to be getting worse.

What to do? I couldn’t even see the Crag by now so I didn’t fancy that option. Then I shone the torch to the bathroom window. Luckily I’d left it slightly open to let out the steam and forgotten to close it. A chance at last. I went across the lawn and pulled the branch from the tree. It was heavy and wet with snow but might be strong enough to hold a slender thing like me. I dragged it to the cottage wall and propped it up as best I could wedging it against the wall of my flower bed. Could I use it as a bridge. I had no choice. The alternative options weren’t so good and I was really cold and wet.

I managed to climb onto the branch but not without ripping my stockings and one of the suspenders snapped open. I had grazed my left knee and the twang of the suspender was reminded me of the feeling when my first school mistress used her ruler to focus our attention to work and stop daydreaming. But I had to carry on despite my strange predicament. The branch then moved as I reached for the window ledge and I lost my footing. My beautiful wig was caught by a sudden gust of wind and flew across the garden landing in the thorn bushes. A warm nest for the robins I supposed but who cares what I look like now. Somehow I hung on and managed to recover. The skirt of my dress was soaking wet and so were my panties. I felt like I’d had an accident and the wetness made me even more cold. My own hair fell loose from the hairnet I’d used and fell across my eyes but I couldn’t let go of the branch to push it aside. How on earth was I going to get out of this mess. I must have looked a dreadful sight but I didn’t care, I just needed to get inside my cottage before I caught hyperthermia.

Then I felt the branch slip again and crack under my weight. My shoes were long gone and I tried to grip the branch as tightly as I could and even used my toes as cold as they were. My dress caught on a smaller branch and as I fell to the ground it ripped across the waist seam so that I was fully exposed in knickers and stocking tops when I managed to stand. The snow at least gave me a soft landing but I was no further forward in my attempts to get out of the cold.

I saw a pair of eyes peering at me that frightened me. Relief it was only the naughty fox again considering how to raid my chicken hutch whilst sheltering under a bush. I knew it was him because I had chased him away many times. I was getting blue with the cold by now but I had to keep going or I might not see Christmas day. I had to have another attempt. The branch might just hold me so I turned it over and tried again.

This time I got a hold on the window sill and scrambled as best I could until I could push open the window. So much for the strength of the window stays I’d had installed but it might mean it was my lucky day when the builder used cheap options.

I wriggled my way through the window showing everything I had to Mr Fox. He’d rather have one of my chickens though for his Christmas lunch.

I fell to the bathroom floor and grabbed some towels to wrap around me and using the bath mat as a mattress I laid on the floor exhausted. Alcohol and snow don’t mix.

I shivered with the cold and moved towards the hot towel rail for warmth. I tried to reach out for the bath taps to run hot water so I could climb in to thaw out but I guess I just passed out and banged my head on the bidet on the way down. Well it must have been that from the size of the bump next day.

I lay there all night and finally I was woken by the cockerel crowing about his Christmas day present and peered through the strong sunlight until I could focus. Then there was a loud banging on my front door. I managed to climb to my feet and I looked in the mirror. I looked dreadful, nobody should see me like this or they’d think I was mad or drunk from the night before. The knocking grew louder.
I had hair all over the place and mascara down my cheeks and no sign of the lipstick. So much for it being weatherproof. I tried to tidy my appearance but there I was in torn dirty stockings and half a dress and some soggy panties. I wrapped a big bath towel around me. I should have found a dressing gown but it seemed so urgent that I panicked. I slipped as I went down the stairs and seemed to hit each step on my way to the bottom. Legs all over the place and another bump on the head. I clung to the bath towel as best I could on the way.

The banging was still continuing. Didn’t they hear me coming. Are they deaf? I’m black and blue hear so please hang on a minute.

I looked out through the window at the heavy footprints in the snow. Was it Santa Claus? I looked across at the oak tree whose branch had saved my life. So tall and proud to survive another storm even if he’s lost a limb. The tree was covered in snow but no ribbon. Not a surprise with the intensity of the snow storm we’d had.

I undid the latch and opened it against a chain peering through the small gap. Whoever it was had prepared himself for bad weather and was well wrapped up with big snowboots and giant fur gloves. A big hood hid his face.

‘Excuse me miss is this your ribbon that I found outside on the road.’

As he spoke he pushed back his hood to expose a bearded face. But not white whiskers of Santa but dark ones. He had a big smile on his face.

‘Oh yes thanks’ as I lowered my head and tried to make myself decent hiding my scruffy stockings and attempting to cover my hair and half of my face. As the towel lifted I showed more stocking so I had to bend at the knees and daren’t look up to his eyes.

Then he stepped forward onto the step half inviting himself in. I stepped back and he pushed open the door so now I could see him properly.

‘Jake!! Jake is that you? Oh Jake it’s you and you did survived. Jake is it really you or am I dreaming? Oh Jake you shouldn’t see me like this. I’m sorry I’m in a mess.’

He said nothing and took of his gloves and opened his jacket. He put the ribbon around his neck and then he put his arms around me and pulled me inside his heavy coat. ‘What a sight you are for any man on a Christmas morning. Merry Christmas I just love your new look. Much better than when I last saw you. More like the Julian I got to know but then are you sure it’s you? Looks like you need looking after.’

As I melted into his arms I stood on my toes and looked over his shoulder to the sky. Lots of blue and some wonderful white patterns.

‘Thanks Mr Santa. I love you for making my wish come true.’

On a world-wide scale we're not just another winter's tale!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
So it’s Merry Christmas to my reader and to anybody else out there. In case you didn’t pick up on it in the text thanks to David Essex for the use of his wonderful song and for singing along as I wrote it. MMM ‘The nights are colder now………’
Happy New Year to my other reader and to the members we lost from this site who I hope will visit us and read our stories again. We miss them.
Jules

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Comments

Miracle...

Andrea Lena's picture

Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind...

Somehow I get the feeling that there's a cane propped up in the corner as well. Thank you, dear heart, for blessing my morning!

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

God bless us all, and them as well.

I hope they see this happy tale and come back to join us again, all those who left for whatever reasons.

Hugs and happy holidays,
Catherine Linda Michel

As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script. Y_0.jpg

A Christmas Miracle Made

all the sweeter thanks to a wonderful authoress.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Thanks for the Link

I hadn't seen it but it fits perfectly to show the area of England I used in the story and the typical Crag.
I can't stop playing it since it's a good song by a great artist who had hung his boots up until recently.

Jules

Jules

Lovely warming story Julie

Just the right thing to curl up to and read while sipping on hot chocolate.

I got an old fashioned feeling while reading this that lingered on still after having read it. A Winter's Tale had some special holiday "spice." :)

Anime-Girl-32.jpg

A sad winter's tale with a happy ending that didn't fail.

I cried through the whole story. At first they were sad tears for Julie as she longed for her love that gone astray. Then they turned to happy tears when Jake came back to Julie and wrapped her in his coat to keep her warm, and just held her there. Now Jake and Julie are happy, because Jake now knows that Julie really loves him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE AUTHORS, ADMINS AND READERS HERE ON BC/TS.

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

It Probably Wasn't Meant To

joannebarbarella's picture

But you made me laugh with poor Julie's efforts to get back indoors and giving the fox a free show!

And a great Christmas present at the end there,

Joanne

Another cold, wet morning...

today.... I woke and have read this lovely tale. Hertfordshire has no crags, but your word pictures make me wish we had some! xx

Look on the brightside

A few more months respite before the hosepipe bans when our reservoirs will be at low level with a week of dry weather.
Of course all the wind and rain is coming across to UK from USA. It must be the Global Warming. [Wake me when it starts please.]
The story was inspired after seeing David Essex perform with him singing to the original recording and his younger self filmed Up North walking the crags with his dog.
It's a beautiful part of the World where the Bronte Sisters wrote their stories.
I don't suppose you get hurricanes in Hertfordshire do you? Maybe just in Herefordshire and Hampshire.
I'm glad you liked it.
Jules

Jules

Essex - the man not the place!

Saw him in Evita, the first time round; brilliant casting, brilliant theatre; we even have one of his vinyl LPs (remember them!!) still. Know and love Yorks. Spent many years as a child round Malham, Giggleswick, Skipton. Last visit was to Pickering, Whitby and the coast...... Put 't kettle on an' I'll cum up an' see thee!
(Never have finished a Bronte novel but wifey loves historical novels and telly dramas; me/ I just like the costumes and the hairstyles!! private thoughts abound....!! Lots of love, Southern Cousin xx
PS I quite like OTT Essex make-up though!

Hi Cousin

I do remember vinyl LP's and when I saw David on his latest tour he still had the magic and his eyes for the ladies. Some were original fans but their daughters came too. I knew just what they could see and it was nice to be in a mainly female audience and it was a nice experience.
I often wonder if working and being surrounded by women brings out a lot more of our feminine side.

Since you obviously know Yorkshire there is always tea in the pot and a kettle on the hob.
He was light on the make up but wears it well.
Big Hug
Julesxx

Jules

Essex - the man not the place!

Saw him in Evita, the first time round; brilliant casting, brilliant theatre; we even have one of his vinyl LPs (remember them!!) still. Know and love Yorks. Spent many years as a child round Malham, Giggleswick, Skipton. Last visit was to Pickering, Whitby and the coast...... Put 't kettle on an' I'll cum up an' see thee!
(Never have finished a Bronte novel but wifey loves historical novels and telly dramas; me/ I just like the costumes and the hairstyles!! private thoughts abound....!! Lots of love, Southern Cousin xx
PS I quite like OTT Essex make-up though!

I read it...

Mantori's picture

... as asked.

I just love the way you play with words in this wnters tale. Funny though as you should know most of SA do not get Snow, ever. The last time Johannesburg had enough snow to turn the ground half white was 1981, I was 9 then and living in the then Eastern Transvaal that got no snow. And in 2007 we had some snow the one evening, but by the morning it was all gone again.So have no frame of reference when it comes to what it is like te experience snow. I would have to do a deep dive of imagination to write anything of value...

"Life in general is a fuck up,
but it is the rare moments of beauty and peace
in between the chaos,
That makes it worth living."
- Tertia Hill

I never expected

another comment to this story so it was a nice surprise. Sometimes it's good to go back and read old work but the best thing for me was that it made me play the song again by David Essex and remember his performance in York where he had the video playing on a large screen behind him.

I guess we are lucky in Yorkshire to have such a varied countryside with amazing scenery but don't tell anybody or they'll all want to come.

It's hard to imagine spending Christmas in warm weather for me since we like the cold weather and the warm fires. I suppose we hibernate.

We don't get snow every winter but when it comes even a sprinkle causes chaos. Davids video does show one area of Yorkshire that was perfect as a basis for a Christmas competition story. I don't think I could write anything of value either for a Christmas story on the beach in swimwear with cold beers and a bbq. Does Santa Claus arrive on a surf board?

Glad for your comment. Stay safe.

Jules