A Pair of My Own
ElrodW

Synopsis: A man recounts, in a diary, some of his jealousies and fantasies about breasts. Then, when a strange cocktail of chemicals and a mutant cold virus causes breast development ...

Note: This was originally written back in 1999, so then, the dates were 'future'. If only....

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This story is copyright by the author. It is protected by licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

March 3, 05
Dr. Tripp suggested I keep this journal to help organize my feelings and thoughts. I've been going to see her for almost a year now, and she thinks that writing out my thoughts will help me get them out, and then I can face them and we can work through my problems. I think it's going to be tough, because I've never been much of a writer, but I'll try. She suggested I start with the Alcoholics Anonymous approach, so here goes: I'm Lee Weber, and I've got a fixation with tits. Whew! That wasn't so hard to write! Maybe Doc is onto something. I don't know why, but I've always noticed a girl's breasts. I've always fantasized about them and wondered about them. It always seemed like girls with boobs had power over guys. I told Doc this, and she thought I was jealous. It sounds goofy to me. My wife - Mary - is getting angry - I've made some hints that she'd look better with augmentation. Bigger tits. She got really mad. She doesn't want bigger boobs, and she can't understand my fixation. She said it'd be hard to be taken seriously as an engineer if she had big tits. I guess I understand, but I still find myself wondering how it would be if she had implants. Doc thinks that I'm transferring my curiosity about breasts to her. Maybe I should stop and burn this book. I feel really strange writing this stuff all down, and what if Mary found it? What if anyone found it? I'd probably have to quit my job and move to another continent. I'm not sure this is a good idea. At the very least, I'm going to have to hide this really well.

April 2, 05
I sneaked out to the club again last night. I said I was going to meet the guys for a game of poker. I think Mary suspects, but if she does, she's not saying anything. I keep ending up watching a two of the girls in particular who have huge boobs. They're really nice, and sometimes they let me play with their tits. It's fun, but Doc thinks I'm also a bit depressed after a night out. She says it's a reminder that the girls with the boobs do have the power over me and all men. She might have a point - I get to play looky-touchy-feely and they get my money. On the whole, it doesn't seem like a fair trade. And she's right about feeling lousy — the day after a night at the club, I really notice tits on women and feel ... weird. I don't know — maybe a mixture of envy and curiosity? Doc suggested that I consider anti-depressants, since I was showing all the symptoms of depression. I told her I'd think about it. Dr. T thinks my breast fetish is related to my feeling of no control over my social life in school. I wasn't one of the popular guys, and it seemed that the girls had power. I was just Joe Average — not a smart kid who could get a fancy college degree and earn lots of money and attract women that way. Not a super-jock like some of the more popular guys. Just average. I was still a virgin when Mary and I started dating, and I guess I was really surprised when she went out with me. I had a hard time asking her, since she had the power to crush my hopes. Sex and dates were all in the girls control. Doc thinks that I'm fixated on breasts because that's what guys notice, and bigger breasts make guys more susceptible to being manipulated. Maybe that's why I'm so curious - because I'm a control nut. I hope that now that I know what causes it, I can control my fixation.

May 17, 05
Well, that lasted less than two weeks. Mary is upset again. It's the same old argument - boob job. She pushed me to schedule a joint session for some counseling. I really didn't want to — I was afraid that Doc was going to embarrass me with some of the things we'd talked about. Mary knows I've been getting counseling - it was her idea in the first place. I was wrong - the joint session was helpful. Dr. T asked if I'd explain things to Mary. I tried, but it was really awkward. I hated to admit that I was fixated with breasts. Doc also brought up the point about being jealous. Mary seemed a bit put off that Doc was the one who suggested I go to strip clubs to see big-chested women. Mary knew, and was hurt that I was being secretive. Doc was hoping it would help my fixation. If it did, it would help our sex life. Mary seemed to understand, and she agreed to let me go once a week. We both took a very long 'personality inventory' test - in separate rooms, even. It seemed like it had a thousand questions, and some of them were pretty personal, even irritating. I asked Doc what it was for. She said it was a very good way to help understand my inner thoughts and feelings. I'm not sure I believe her, but I'm willing to give it a try. Mary was a good sport about the test, too. She asked me a lot about my test, but she wouldn't tell me anything about her questions and answers. I shut up after a bit of that. If she's got something to hide from me, then I guess she doesn't need to know all my little secrets either.

June 13, 05
Doc asked how the strip club is working out. There are lots of big-breasted girls. She asked if I enjoy it. I think I do, but it's not quite what I thought. I enjoy watching them, but it's not helping with my relationship with Mary. I still think of her with bigger boobs, and our sex life is only a little better. And now I'm not even sure that I'd be happy if Mary got a boob job. Doc is pretty convinced that I'm envious. I think it's psychobabble. She really changed the subject and asked me if I'd ever considered a sex change. Or was I attracted to men? She said my personality profile test showed that I was envious, and that maybe I might even wish to be a woman. I'm not sure I'm going to go back to her. That was a pretty stupid discussion. I know I got pretty mad when she asked me. No way. I only like boobs, and on women. Big ones. But since the session yesterday, I've been thinking. A sex change was definitely out - I wasn't gay or anything. But I had to admit that I always wondered what boobs were like. Once or twice, I had dreams that I was a woman having sex, so maybe that means I was a little curious. I guess she had a point, and I suppose I'll keep going back as long as she's making me think about things. But to admit that I was curious about being a woman? Even to Doc? I don't think so.

July 27, 05
I finally admitted to Dr. T that I had a bra that I wear when Mary is out. Because she's an engineer, she travels quite a bit, so I have a lot of opportunity to play like I have breasts. She asked what I did for breasts, and I said I fill water balloons to simulate tits. It was embarrassing, but it was also kind of a relief to get it out. She didn't seem surprised, though. I admitted that I even tried sewing a blouse to fit me with the huge boobs. It was a disaster, and I had to get rid of evidence before Mary got home from one trip. Doc told me that cross-dressing fantasies aren't unusual, or a cause for shame. I don't think I believe her - it seems so ... perverted! But I was really relieved that she didn't insist I tell Mary and she didn't laugh or anything. I don't really know how I feel — I have to admit that dressing up in lingerie is really exciting, but at the same time, I feel ashamed of myself, like I'm less than a man. I don't know what to do. And Doc hasn't been too helpful — maybe I was hoping she'd tell me to throw away the clothes and never get any again. Anyway, I finally asked her for the anti-depressants. Sometimes I just feel like I can't handle things. I love Mary, but the whole boob thing seems to be spiraling out of control, and I'm afraid that I'll lose her if I don't do something.

September 15, 05
Doctor T was asking how I handled our failed attempts at pregnancy. Did it make me jealous? I admitted that when Mary had hormone patches and shots for pregnancy, she had lots left over. I almost used them. The only thing that stopped me was when I worried about dosage and side effects. I even had a patch open and ready to apply when I chickened out. Otherwise, I would have started growing boobs. Doc asked why I stopped. If I was that interested in boobs, why didn't I just go ahead? Or go talk to a doctor about starting estrogen shots? I tried, but I couldn't answer. I don't know what I really think about it. She's been urging me to admit my cross-dressing fantasy to Mary. She's even suggested that I could tell her at a joint session. That's too much for me to handle. My secret has to stay a secret. I'm afraid of losing Mary if she disapproves.

January 5, 06
Dr. T asked if I'd seen the news article about the chemical plant explosion last year. I hadn't, and was confused about what that had to do with my problems. The explosion spread that new pesticide - the ultra-safe one - all over. As far as I knew, there weren't any aftereffects. I guess I was angry that she was wasting my time. Then she showed me the followup article. There were some reactions to the chemical. Some of the men who were exposed were showing breast growth. Scientists were trying to figure out why, and for only some of the men. I felt a secret thrill of fantasy - what if it had happened to me? I had problems sleeping last night - I wondered what it would be like if it were me? And what would it cost me? I'd lose Mary, that's for sure. And probably my job. I'm sure it would be humiliating to have a rack - could I even go out in public again? But then again, it's happened to other guys, so I wouldn't be the only one. And would Mary really dump me? Or would she still love me, even if I had the big tits? It's so confusing. Doc asked if I thought Mary was tomboyish. I hadn't thought about it. Not since high-school, anyway. I remember that she did more 'guy' things than the frilly lacy girl things. But it was just a phase, and she's happy doing the wife and woman things. I got the impression from Doc's response that I might be missing something. But I know Mary a lot better.

March 12, 06
I talked with Doc again about my fantasies. Since the news, my breast fantasy has been getting more intense. The few 'human interest' and science news clips haven't helped either - it's just feeding them. The problem isn't just in the fantasy area, either. It's hard to get satisfaction without bra and falsies. Mary and I haven't had good sex for months. She asked if I'd ever considered partial transformation, like implants or hormones. Just enough for breasts, but leaving my dick alone. I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's really weird. On the other hand ... boobs. And I've never talked with Mary about my lingerie. I just couldn't. Dr T suggested that it could be the answer to my problems. I absolutely won't consider it. I don’t want to be a woman — or even mistaken for one. I'm just fascinated with boobs and curious about what they're like. Dr. T suggested that I look on the Internet. She said there are a lot of sites with stories about transgendered people, people who are jealous of the opposite sex, even sites about male breast growth. She thinks some of these stories and sites will help me figure out what I really want. I think she's nuts, and I guess I even told her so. She said she was disappointed in me, because all she was doing was her professional best to help me. I felt like an idiot, and I did say I was sorry. I took her list of sites, and I promised that I'd look at them. Maybe tomorrow night — it's been a busy day.

April 2, 05
We had a joint session today. Rough is an understatement. Dr. T really put me in a corner about my fantasies by hinting that there was more to our problem than I was telling. I was pissed! I ended up having to reveal my fantasy to Mary. It was embarrassing - I couldn't even look at her. Mary was kind of put off, but not as much as I'd thought. I know she'd been seeing Dr. T herself. Was she getting hints? I don't know. All I know is that I was humiliated. And if that wasn't bad enough, she made me tell Mary about the story sites I'd been looking at. By the end of the meeting, Doc seemed to have convinced Mary that it wasn't abnormal so much as normal male curiosity. I may have been imagining, but Mary seemed a bit ... interested. We'll have to see if anything comes of this.

May 17, 05
I complained to Doc that my sex life still isn't good. The only time I seem to be able to do anything is after I read one of the stories about men who grow breasts or get transformed to women. And Mary seems to watch what I do on the Internet pretty closely. I'm pretty sure she's been checking to see what I do, but I can't help myself sometimes. When we have good sex, I imagine that it's me in one of the stories, and I get so excited. I don't know if Mary knows or not. She hasn't talked much about the 'dress up', except to say no whenever the subject comes up. She says it's too weird, but Doc said she'll come around. I'm doubtful of that. Then she asked what I thought about the male breast growth. I admitted that I was torn - part of me was really jealous, because those guys got to find out what it was like to have breasts. On the other hand, they're all treated like they have plague or something, and I can see how it'd be rough to have them. Doc said that now about one in forty guys nationwide have the growth. It's pretty certain that it's associated with the chemical, but not just from the plant accident. One of the main ingredients is some kind of solvent or something that's in damned near everything! Guys all over have been exposed to it, which is why lots of guys are growing breasts. Doc asked if I'd talked to Mary about the guys with tits. I said I was afraid to. What if she took it wrong?

July 18, 06
Dr. T noticed that I look happier. We talked about Mary and my sex life. Mary finally gave in and let me wear a bra. She kept the lights out, because she said it was weird, but we had a fantastic evening of sex. Dr. T seemed pretty smug - like she wanted to say "I told you so" to Mary and I. It still seems wrong, though. While it was fun, it still seemed like something was missing. Doc said she'll help both of us, if these kinds of fantasies are what I really want. I felt kind of weird when she said that. It's like she thinks this is perfectly normal.

January 16, 07
Doc and I talked about one of the news stories on Entertainment Tonight. A couple of big-name actors have deliberately had the chemical shots to stimulate breast growth. Most of the guys seemed to think it was weird, but the women seem to think it's a sign of how 'sensitive' the guys are, and were claiming it's a huge turn-on. Doc seems to think I'm jealous of those guys who've grown tits, and that I'd be happier if I grew them myself. I know I told her she was full of shit, but deep down, I'm not sure if she might be right. Still, it's hard to think about doing it. Fantasy - that's one thing, but reality is something else. She offered to help me work through the problems if I went ahead and grew my own tits. I'm getting confused. I admit that I'm curious, and the stories and lingerie add to my curiosity, but sometimes it seems like Doc wants me to go further with these fantasies than I do. Sometimes, I wish I had real tits, and sometimes I wish these thoughts would all go away. And Mary has me confused. One of the guys at work showed me how to follow what Mary does on the Internet, and I found out she's been reading the same transformation and breast-growth stories I have. Is she trying to be supportive? Or is it something else? I don't know.

March 8, 07
We had another joint session today. After talking at length about our sex life, Doc raised the issue of the male breast growth. Mary didn't get upset, which surprised me. It was almost like she was expecting Doc to talk about it. I don't know what to think - are they conspiring to convince me to grow tits? Or am I being paranoid because I have this weird fantasy? In either case, now about one in twenty-five men have it. And that's in spite of the chemical ban the government enacted. It seems the stuff was too good, and got into everything before they found the problem. The ban seems to be a bit late, and more guys are ending up with tits. They say we can expect as many as one in ten guys to eventually grow breasts. I guess a part of me is thrilled by the thought that I could be one of those, while another part is horrified by the prospect of being some kind of weirdo.

September 7, 07
Doc asked me if we've talked about me doing intentional chemical dosing. It's no longer possible to do it in the US; the ban is pretty strict, even for those few wackos (Hollywood 'sensitive' actor types!) who want to do it. I reminded her that we did talk about it, even in a joint session with Mary. I told her I didn't like the idea then, and I still don't like it. Doc didn't seem convinced, and I'm not sure I was either. Still, it seems pretty weird. I know I'm feeling more curious as time passes, that I'd love to know what it feels like to have real tits. I've been reading only stories about male breast growth or transformation to women on the Internet lately, because they really get me excited. I wonder what it would be like, but I'm too chicken to actually do it. How would I be treated? Based on the stories, I'd be a freak, no matter how many other men had tits. That scares me. Doc asked how Mary feels. She said it was different. I expected her to be pretty down on the idea, but she wasn't. That surprised me a lot, because we hadn't talked about it that much.

August 8, 08
Wow — it's been almost a year since the last time I wrote. I feel kind of bad. Doc asked if I was still keeping a journal, and I had to admit I've been slacking off. She's interested that I keep it up, but she's never asked to see what I write - thankfully. I'm going to have to try to do better, especially now that I got promoted to supervisor at the loading dock, and I don't have to work so much overtime. It's hard to believe it's been almost 3 years since the breast growth syndrome started. Now it affects about one man in sixteen. Most guys have pretty small tits, but a few men, like those who worked in the chemical or agricultural industries, got exposed to lots of the chemical, and consequently have bigger tits. Doc tried to explain how it works, but I'm not sure I followed her. The stuff accumulates in body tissues like that old pesticide DDT used to, and it stays a long time. No one thought it was harmful, until a new flu strain hit it. Then it ends up doing some mutation to cells so they react to male hormones like they were female hormones. The worst thing, for some guys, is that their tits grow bigger if they had more of the chemicals in their body when they got the flu. The government ban on the pesticide is pretty strict - they gave one guy the death penalty for trying to smuggle some into the US. In some poorer countries, it's still in use, though, since it's cheap and effective. Some 'sissy' guys have actually taken trips to Mexico to get changed. Doc asked if I'd considered that much lately. I told her no, but I must not have sounded too convincing, because she said she was certain that I've thought about it a lot lately. I know I'm too chicken, though. Still, it would be interesting. It's too bad I can't do it just for a few days or a long weekend — just to see what they're like. But since the change is permanent, I guess I'll never know. I guess I'm not really happy with the way things are, but I'm not unhappy enough to change like that.

November 14, 08
We talked about the news again. I was surprised to find that the Speaker of House has small tits. He and his staff hid them for almost three years — he was one of the first affected. Doc said that he revealed it when he was diagnosed with breast cancer. She wondered how I felt about it. I really don't know any more. I guess I'm scared to death of how other men would react if I grew tits. Would they think I'm some kind of sissy, or a wimp? There are enough men with tits that they aren't considered freaks by the culture now, but they're still unusual. Doc noted that the guys are like lefties or red-heads - odd but not uncommon. A lot of men are getting tested to make sure that the chemical isn't in their muscle tissue — just to make sure they avoid growing a rack. Guys are afraid that they might grow tits the next time they get a cold or the flu. Any more, getting the flu is kind of panic time for guys without tits. Doc asked if I'd gotten over whatever bug had gotten me. She also seemed to sense that I'd been kind of secretly hoping it was the flu and that I'd grow tits. I guess I was, but I'm also glad it wasn't the flu. Talk about mixed feelings.

January 13, 09
Mary and I had a joint session again. Doc seems to be convinced that I need to get breasts to be happy. Mary surprised me; she seemed to agree with Dr. T. We're happy, mostly, but our sex life is weak again. Any more, the stories seem to be more frustrating than exciting. It's like the more stories I read and the more news about guys growing breasts, the less happy I am. Doc says it's because I'm too jealous of the guys in the stories, and it aggravates me rather than excites me. Mary is letting me get more daring with the lingerie; in fact, she bought me a lacy bra a few months ago to help. It surprised me, but she said that if I wanted to be in touch with my feminine side, then she could be supportive. I'm not sure, but I think she was hinting that she wanted to experiment being a little more dominant. Doc thinks that breasts would help our love life more than just lingerie. I was forced to agree that they make good point, but the whole idea seems pretty weird. Doc and Mary both suggested that I should at least think about it. I couldn't admit it to them, but I've been thinking about nothing but growing breasts for the last couple of years.

May 12, 09
Doc surprised me again. She asked if I was really sure I wanted to go through with the procedure. I thought she and Mary were pushing me to have it done. She just wants to make sure I want it for myself. I'm still pretty torn about it. On the one hand, it's really not very manly. Guys with tits are still teased and harassed. But on the other hand, I haven't been able to get the idea out of my mind for years. It seems like a dream come true - a way for me to finally have the big tits I've fantasized about for years. We're booked for a 'vacation' in Cozumel next month, where the clinic does the procedure.

July 23, 09
We got to Cozumel yesterday, and today I had my first appointment at the clinic. Doc came along for a 'vacation', but I know she wants to observe me. I can't read Mary. She's been acting rather ... odd lately. It's like she's pushing me to get have the procedure. The appointment was unsettling. The Mexican doctor only spoke some English, and Doc did the rest of the translation. One nurse was pretty disdainful of me; I felt embarrassed the way she was treating me. It was like I wasn't really a man in her eyes because I was going to grow tits. It unnerved me. The doctor did a test to see if I had any pesticide residue in me, and then he asked what size I wanted. I was surprised. I hadn't thought of that one. Mary suggested big - D cup or so - and she seemed kind of pushy about it. Doc said I should go with smaller breasts, like an A or B cup. Since it was crunch time, I had to decide, and I chickened out, going with the A-cups like Doc suggested. Mary actually seemed disappointed. It's the middle of the night, and I can't sleep. Tomorrow I either go through with it or I back out. I'm having a hard time actually making a decision.

July 24, 09
Mary and Doc gave me a push, or I'd have probably chickened out. I got the shot. It was simpler than I thought - a shot of the chemical in my butt. I thought it would be in my chest, but Doc said it would work anywhere. The Mexican doctor measured the dose for an A-cup, then he gave me the shot. It would take a few years to get the chemical out of my system, and any case of flu would probably cause growth. So even if I don't get the infection now, I'd probably get it sooner or later and grow tits. After I got the shot, they left me alone in the room to observe for a while, to make sure I didn't have any adverse reaction. I noticed that he'd left the chemical and syringes in the room. I don't know what came over me, but I got a fresh syringe and filled it with more of the chemical. Based on what the doctor had given me, it was probably three times as much. I was going to grow tits. That was pretty much unstoppable now. But I also had always loved and admired big tits. And all I was getting was A-cups. It just seemed so wrong to be getting tits and settling for itty-bitty ones. All I had to do was inject the chemical into my thigh and I'd get big tits. Damn, but it was tempting. I sat there for almost half an hour, agonizing over the whole thing. When I heard something in the next office, I got scared that I'd lose my only chance to have bigger hooters, and I stabbed the needle in and injected the chemical. Then I started shaking.

July 26, 09
It's been four days, and the doctor thinks the chemical should be settled into my muscles. Doc said at this point I should go ahead with the infection - I'd probably get it sooner or later anyway. I agreed, and the doctor gave me shot to infect me. I know I'm in for a miserable few days with the flu. Mary is surprising me - she seems really happy that I went through with it. I'm getting scared. Even though one in twelve guys have tits, on most of them they're so small that they aren't noticeable unless the guys take off their shirts. Only about one guy in forty or fifty has tits big enough to be prominent all the time. I guess I'm going to join their ranks. I'm getting pretty scared about what my life is going to be like. There have been a lot of 'human interest' stories about the guys who have bigger tits, and it doesn't sound like fun.

August 7, 09
It's been two weeks since I got the flu. It was a very lousy three days at the resort. Doc talked to me a lot about what I'd done. It's too late for second thoughts. I hated every second of having the flu. I was really weak when we went home. Everyone noticed - I told my friends that I got a case of Montezuma's revenge. But so far, nothing is happening. I'm wondering if it didn't take, or if the chemical didn't stay in my system. Doc said it takes a while, and that I need to be patient. Tits don't grow overnight, she said. Mary is acting funny. I'm always finding lingerie catalogs around house. Mary just smiles and says I'll be needing them soon enough anyway. She gave me a training bra as a present. I'm really confused by her reaction. Doc says I shouldn't worry - she's probably thinking how 'sensitive' I am to do this. But there's something about her reaction that I can't figure out. It's kind of like she's happy that I'm going to grow tits.

October 3, 09
Dr T wanted to see my breasts today. It was kind of embarrassing, and I didn't want to, but she said she was a professional and that knowing how they were developing was important to helping understand my state of mind. She said they look like a little girl's tits when they start developing. My nipples feel swollen, and they're getting kind of bigger across and a little puffy, but beyond that, they're not showing very much. They're pretty easy to hide with a loose shirt. Dr. T says I'm going to have to learn not to hide them, because they're going to get bigger. I guess I knew that, but I was trying to not admit it. I have to wear something - my nipples are a lot more sensitive. Doc asked if I'd noticed anything else - any bounce or anything in my normal activities. I use the stair-stepper at the gym, and I did notice some jiggle. It's kind of a turn-on, in a way. Doc asked how Mary likes them. She seems very happy, and seems to like kissing and licking them. Doc asked what I thought of that, and I told her that it made me really excited. It's really strange - it's not like I thought it would be. I'm not sure what I think of them yet. I guess I better figure it out, though.

December 21, 09
My tits have developed into what Mary says is a perfect A-cup. Mary and Doc are kind of confused - they should have taken longer to settle in to the A-cup size. The worst part for me is that guys are starting to notice, even with baggy shirts and sweaters. Doc is concerned with how I'm coping. Most of the time, I ignore the teasing. And I'm not wearing a bra all the time. Doc said I should - unless I want to look like the saggy-breasted natives from old National Geographic magazines. They jiggle a lot, but wearing a bra seems a little too much. Doc said they should stop growing pretty soon. I'm really embarrassed, and I couldn't tell her what I did. Or Mary. What would Mary say if she knew that I added enough chemical to grow big tits? On top of that, I'm getting nervous - afraid - of what I did. A cups seem huge. And I'm probably going to get bigger - a lot bigger. What have I done?

February 18, 10
I'm now the proud owner of a pair of B-cup boobs. Some men are starting to razz me a lot. Doc thinks I'm handing it well, but I know it would be easier if I were a bulky 6'4" instead of a trim 5'10". They seem very pronounced now, and a bra isn't optional any more. Without one, they jiggle all over the place. Dr. T was concerned that they're still growing. What's surprising is that Mary seems happier the bigger they get. I haven’t even thought about her having bigger tits for a long time, and she seems to be obsessed with playing with my chest. I had to confess that I gave myself the extra shot at the clinic. Doc and Mary surprised me when they said they had arranged for me to be alone in clinic — just in case. Mary admitted that it was her idea, since I'd always been obsessed with big tits. She figured I'd want big tits on myself. She was right, but I feel pretty betrayed by both of them. They knew I'd do it, and they set me up. I stomped out of the session. How could I stay? They set me up! They tricked me! I feel so ... used. I plan on staying in the guest room tonight, and maybe for a while. How am I supposed to sleep with someone who betrayed me like Mary did? She doesn't even seem to be sorry about it!

April 4, 10
One of the guys at work was harassing me. Someone made a computer picture of my head on a huge-chested stripper, then he left copies all over my office, and even e-mailed the picture around. It was humiliating. Another guy tried to cop a feel in the restroom; I was too surprised to do anything except stare. He joked that maybe I should be using the ladies' room. The whole thing is getting me confused. I'm angry, embarrassed, ashamed, and at the same time, I really like it when Mary plays with them. Doc asked how things are now. The guy that did the picture got fired. The new company policy is supposed to protect guys like me from harassment. We had a meeting, and I was picked to show that guys with tits are just like women, as far as breasts, comments, and touching are concerned. I think the boss picked me because, of the guys in the office with tits, mine are the biggest. That alone is embarrassing beyond belief. Mary and I have had a lot of talks about what happened in Cozumel. She said she did it for me. She wasn't trying to trick me, but to let me make my own decision. She wanted me to get big tits, but she didn't want to force me. It still kind of feels like she was tricking me.

April 28, 10
Doc thought I looked tired. I am, because I can't sleep like I'm used to. I used to sleep on my stomach, but now my tits get in the way. I've been taking sleeping pills to help. My tits are in the way of everything. I'm having a hard time getting used to having the seat belt between them, and even a simple thing like a shower is different, because the shower spray hurts my nipples. I asked doc if women have these problems, and she told me that yes, most of them do. It's just something women live with, and she's sure I'll get used to it. Mary has been helping me, even though she reminds me that I'm a lot bigger up front than she is. Sometimes, those kind of comments hurt, but I know she isn't trying to be mean.

May 9, 10
My boobs are a full C-cup and still growing. What the hell have I done? I see guys around with A-cups and B-cups, but I haven't seen any as big as me. My nipples are super-sensitive - to cold, to touch, to everything. They're always poking out, and it's getting embarrassing. Women notice them right away, and they smile at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. Doc suggested that I wear nursing pads in my bra to hide my nipples. I had to get new work shirts tailored with darts. That was expensive, and if my tits keep growing, I'm going to have to do it again. The dry cleaner started charging me the higher rate for women's shirts. They claimed that the darts make it harder to press, so it costs more. I told Doc that I'd quit going to the gym. They bounced too much to use the stair-stepper and some of the other equipment, plus the guys were staring at me, and I felt like they were all laughing behind my back. Even something as simple as wearing a seat belt is a pain - I have to make sure I get the strap between my tits. I missed one day, and when I had to step on the brakes, the strap really hurt my tit. Mary bought me lacy bra, and a very feminine lacy blouse. She wanted me to do a strip tease for her the other night. Doc asked me if I did. I'm not sure why, but she seems to be pleased when I do 'feminine' things like the strip tease for Mary. She asked if I'd shaved my armpits like Mary wants. I haven't, but I probably will. Mary is unhappy, because she says hairy armpits don't go with big round tits. I can tell she's pretty turned on by my breasts now; our love life is pretty good. For that part, anyway, it seems to have been worth it. Actually, she won't let me play with her breasts much any more. It's like, at least on our chests, our roles have been switched. Still, going out in public is kind of hard for me to do.

September 15, 10
Last week, I was asked if I'd appear on local TV talk show. They're doing segment about guys with tits and how we're adjusting. Doc thought it would be great for me. She said they're probably going to have a bunch of guys, so I wouldn't be alone, and that we'd probably talk about what we're going through. I really don't want to, but both Doc and Mary are pushing me on this one. It's bad enough to go out in public without appearing on a TV show that thousands of people will see. But I promised I'd think about it. And on top of everything else, Mary is talking about getting hers reduced! She says one pair of tits in the family is enough, and mine are big enough for the both of us. I'm pretty confused by her sudden announcement. Is she trying to tell me that I'm too much a woman for her now? Is she saying she's jealous of my big tits? Have I made her feel inadequate, especially since already she felt so bad after the infertility fiasco? I know she's still got a big problem with not being able to conceive, so have I made it worse by getting tits? Are they a reminder that she feels less than a woman?

September 29, 10
The show was both great and terrible. Two of the guys without tits were very rude and nasty. They were making comments like we should just have dicks cut off. I was both angry and humiliated by the things they were saying. The guys with boobs were pretty supportive. One of them was a linebacker with C-cup breasts. He still played football, but he had to get special pads made. He said it doesn't slow down play that much - he'll probably be all-pro again this year. But he admitted getting a lot of harassing from teammates. One of the guys is dressing like girl - he's even grown his hair long. He has C-cups, and if I hadn't known that he was a guy, I would never have guessed. I had biggest tits. They're now up to double D - and I'm afraid they're still growing! I can't jog any more - they bounce around so much that it hurts! This is humiliating. Why did I do it? What was I thinking?

December 11, 10
Doc is wondering if I'm still taking anti-depressants. I told her I didn't think I could face life or work without them. The job is sort-of okay. I stay in the office most of the time. I even take my lunch so I don't have to leave the office. Sometimes, though, I have to walk around the plant, and that gets to me. I know all the guys are staring at me. Some of the girls giggle, especially when I make a sudden turn or something and my tits bounce. Doc thinks that some of the girls who harass me the most are jealous of my breasts. Yeah, right! Like these monsters are anything to be jealous of! They're in the way of everything, they're the only thing about me people notice, and I can't even get a good night's sleep because of them! Doc was pleased at how supportive Mary has been. She hasn't gone through with her own reduction, but she's still talking about it.

February 18, 11
Today was the worst day of my life! I had to pick up a new blouse at the mall, and a little girl pointed and stared at me. She said something about the man with the lady chest. I could tell her mother was embarrassed, but I was humiliated. Everyone who heard laughed, and I wanted to crawl under a rock. I ran from the mall, and even that was brutal. My tits are now an F-cup. Thank goodness I think they've finally stopped growing! Doc changed the anti-depressant; she thinks I need something stronger. I think I'm going to get them reduced! They're ruining my life.

May 29, 11
I finally admitted that I can't play golf any more. I tried again, after taking off a few months. My boobs got in the way of everything! I couldn't swing a club worth a damn. I couldn't even get in a decent putting stroke! Jogging is out, the gym is out. All I can really do for exercise is walk and ride my bike. And even bike riding is weird. My tits hang down off my chest when I lean over the handlebars, and they bounce at the teeniest little bump and sway every time I pedal. Doc asked if the guys from the TV show are still getting together. We are, and it's helpful. We're all going through the same thing, even if I have it worst of all. Bob is totally indistinguishable from a woman. He said it's easier that way. He's also been talking about having the operation. Doc asked if I'd ever considered it. Especially now that cloned organ experiments have been such a success. Pretty soon, she said, it'll be possible to have new body organs made, and that includes genitals and reproductive systems. I could be a fully functional woman. It was too weird to even think about. Giving up my dick? Being a woman? That would mean that Mary and I wouldn't be husband and wife, and I couldn't bear the thought of that. It would be devastating to Mary, too. I'm glad the idea is too weird, or I might try it and end up ruining my marriage and hurting both of us.

June 22, 11
Doc asked how the martial arts class is going. Bob started it a while ago, and the gang decided it would be a good thing. I got the snot beat out of me by a couple of rednecks one night when I was coming home from work. They called me a fairy and queer while they beat me. I filed a police report, and the guys got caught, but I don't think anything is going to happen to them. I really don't want to file charges, because that'd mean I have to appear in court. And even then, they'd probably just get a slap on the wrist or a misdemeanor charge. One guy was caught trying to kill a guy with tits, and he just got a small fine for misdemeanor assault! Doc asked how I feel about the way the legal system treats guys like me. I said it sucked. I don't think it's fair. If they'd done that to a homosexual, or any other 'protected' group, they'd have gotten nailed for felony assault. But guys with tits? It's like we don't matter to the system.

August 16, 11
Doc and I talked a lot today about reduction. I've been thinking about it. It's hard not to. I notice my boobs getting in the way of everything I do. I get stared at and pointed at and laughed at. But Mary is so fantastic with them that I'm really torn. Mary took me shopping for bras at a specialty store the other day. Doc wondered how I liked shopping for bras. It's okay, I guess. I mean, I need a bra for support, and Mary doesn't want me to get saggy. I love the way she dotes on them, but I hate the attention they get in public. Doc says I'm going to have to decide which I like more. I know she's right.

September 20, 11
Doc suggested that I do like Bob - start to appear as a woman. It might cut down on the harassment in public. I think it's weird, but the longer I think about it, the more sense it seems to make. Mary thinks it'd help, too. Doc reminded me that I was curious about being a woman, and dressing as one could help with two things - not being laughed at, and satisfying my old curiosity. Based on my experience with tits, I'm not sure if I still wonder about being a woman like I used to. Doc asked if I'd seen the program on Nova. She loaned me a copy for Mary and I to watch. According to the first segment, it's now a big fad in Hollywood to get boobs. Kind of a fashion trend. There was another segment on some town in Nebraska where a joker dosed the town water supply, and every guy grew tits. He was almost beaten to death when they caught him. The last segment was about a guy who makes a living as a male dancer - with his L-cup boobs. They made mine look small! The guy loves them, and the attention they get. He says the women he dances for love them, and he makes a ton of money in tips and special engagements. Mary and I talked a long time after the show. She's been wondering how I really feel about my boobs. I guess I still don't know. They seem like a mixed blessing.

October 1, 11
I got propositioned at lunch today. The girl ignored my wedding ring, and she was practically fondling my breasts. I don’t think she could have been more blatant. I was both aroused and scared, especially when other guys glared at me. I didn't tell Mary, and last night, I wasn't in the mood for playing. She seemed to sense that something was up.

December 1, 11
My hair is now longer than Mary's. Roberta - Bob - said that from some angles, I look like woman. That really got to me - I'm not sure what I should look like. If I dress in women's clothes, I definitely look like a woman. Even in men's clothes, with tits as big as I've got, it's kind of hard to look like a man. And it feels weird. I don't know where I fit in any more. I feel like Doc and Mary have been pushing me into women's clothes. Sometimes, it's kind of exciting. And in a lot of ways, some things are more comfortable than men's clothes. Other things are a major nuisance. The biggest benefit is that I don't feel nearly as conspicuous in public as I did in men's clothing. Dr. T suggested I have electrolysis and grow my nails, so I can pass as a woman more easily. I got mad and asked if she was trying to make me a girly boy. After the session, I went to my barber got a crew cut. I felt like I needed to reclaim my manhood. I feel like Mary and Doc have been pushing me too far toward being a woman, and it's going to stop. I'm a man, even if I have a rack on my chest! Or am I? I'm pretty confused right now. I don't know what I am, or what I want to be.

December 19, 11
My beard is pretty scraggly, and Mary hates it. Doc thinks I look silly - the bushy beard and big tits. Mary wants me clean-shaven, and Doc says it would be less embarrassing to pass myself as a woman as to be an over-manly man with big tits. I won't shave. I won't try to pass myself off as a woman again. It's too feminine. I need to be a man, even if I have jugs. Doc wondered if my hostility was because I was angry with myself. She thinks I really love having tits and being feminine, but I wont admit it to myself.

January 5, 12
I've been pretty dedicated to my martial arts class lately. The class is just for guys like me, with boobs. It works better that way. Doc thinks I need to socialize more, and that hiding with other guys is ultimately bad. I noticed that guys are talking about boobs and bras the way Mary does - like girls. It's so confusing, like everything is changing and it's a wild ride. Doc said she noticed that my tits are still perky. I hate that term - perky! She said it's a side-effect - the chemical alteration has improved my overall muscle tone, including the support muscles for my boobs. All the guys who changed have perky breasts.

January 23, 12
I'm scheduled for an evaluation for reduction surgery. Doc thinks I'm making a mistake, but she said that if I do have surgery, it won't be a big deal. I'd spend one night in the hospital, mostly because of the size. Insurance would cover most of the cost. Mary thinks I'm crazy. She's dead-set against the whole idea. I know she loves playing with my boobs - Doc said she's probably fantasizing about role reversal and role playing when we have sex. She's been a lot more ... masculine ... lately, not that I mind. But she got really angry when I said I was going to get my boobs reduced. She said that since I wanted big tits when they were on her, I should be happy since they were on me. She also said that I considered her feelings about her getting a boob job, so I should consider her feelings before I got a reduction. Talk about a turnaround! I'm the man in the house, and I have to ask my wife if I can get a breast reduction!

February 18, 12
I chickened out of the reduction. I was in pre-op, in a gown, and ready to go, when I grabbed my clothes and ran away. Doc says it's because I really enjoy being in a woman's role. I think she's full of it. But I don't know what else to think. Do I like being mistaken for a woman? Do I like having the most visible sex features of a woman? Or am I really weird? Doc even said that I enjoy being noticed as a woman. Sometimes, I feel like she and Mary are conspiring to feminize me, to make me into a woman. Of course that's stupid. Mary wouldn't do that. Would she? Am I afraid to admit to myself that Doc and Mary are turning me into a woman? Is that what I want, or what they want? Am I afraid to admit that I like it? And if they are, why would they? Unless this has to do with Mary's inadequacy about a baby. And if that's the case, is it that I'm afraid to admit that I'm doing this all to myself? But if they aren't the ones doing this, then it means that I'm doing it to myself! And that thought scares the hell out of me. It means I'm not really a man!

August 30, 12
Mary and Doc finally convinced me to shave a couple of months ago, and my hair is long again. Mary was ecstatic when we went to the stylist to have it done. It was kind of weird, but exciting, too. She dressed me in a very feminine outfit, and then took me to the shop. She picked out a very nice style, too - just a little past shoulder length with soft curls at my shoulders. Doc says it's adorable, but I'm having problems getting used to having my hair get in my face all the time. And being called adorable! Yuck! There's one big advantage for a short haircut. Mary tricked me with the beard - she switched my shaving cream with one of the new depilatory creams. My face is baby smooth, and from what I read on the tube, my beard won't grow back for three or four months. I was really angry, but she made up for it with some really exotic games that night. There's another side effect to the chemical - my body is reacting to male hormones as if they were female hormones, which means my skin is a lot softer now. Doc suggested I get my ears pierced. She said earrings would really help accent my hair and face. I asked Doc if she thinks Mary is manipulating me into being more of a woman. Doc discounted the idea quickly. She reminded me that Mary has been very supportive, and that everything that's happened has been my choice. But I still sometimes feel like Mary is pushing me to be a woman. I know it's ridiculous - the only reasons she'd do that would be because she's a lesbian or she wants to get rid of me. And I'm pretty sure both of those are wrong. She's so caring and supportive. As for Doc, maybe she's just trying to figure out what I really want. If she does figure it out, I hope she tells me, because I don't know any more.

September 9, 12
Dr. T was surprised when I showed up in a low-cut high-hem dress that showed off my legs and cleavage. She said I looked very sexy. Mary bought me the outfit and made me wear it - she wouldn't play last night until I promised I'd wear it. She had everything - heels, earrings, necklace, and makeup, too. I was very embarrassed when I got whistled at by a man as I walked to the office. Doc said she thinks I was pleased by the attention. I had to admit that it was fun, but at the same time, it was weird. I still have my dong between my legs. Doc asked if I really wanted to keep that, or if I was secretly hoping to become fully female. One of the guys at martial arts class had the surgery, and another is considering it. Doc said that with the breakthrough in organ cloning, it would be possible for me to become a fully functional woman - even have a baby if I wanted. She said it should be available for the general public in the next month or two. I know Roberta talked about it - she had her surgery before, and I think she wants to get a real uterus and ovaries. Doc asked me how I felt about Roberta, and if I wanted to do the same thing. I wish I knew.

November 3, 12
Another prankster released the insecticide and the flu bug in a major mall last month. Most of the guys who were there are growing. The government is prosecuting him for terrorism. Doc asked what I thought. I guess he deserves what he gets, but Doc thinks the death penalty is too harsh. I had to admit she was right - I'm coping with tits, like a lot of other guys. It's not like someone died from the prank. Especially since the guy was trying to get back at 'normals' who made fun of his boobs. I guess I understand how he might have felt. Doc noticed my business suit. I got a promotion, and the woman's suit looks a lot better on me than what I'd been trying to wear. Doc is still curious how I feel about Roberta - she got her cloned implants. Mary has been talking about that a lot, too. She said it would be interesting if we reversed our roles and bodies since I already had the tits to be a woman. When I got mad, she said she was just joking. I don’t think she was, and that kind of makes me feel like she's manipulating me into becoming a woman. I'm confused. It feel like I should be mad at her, but I know that part of me likes it. Having tits is definitely a long fantasy come true, even if it does cause some social problems. And for that, I guess I'm grateful. But is Mary serious about changing roles? And would I really mind? On the one hand, it's kind of exciting, in a way. Like going somewhere you've never been or something. But still, that would mean goodbye willy and being a complete woman, down to being on the receiving end of a dick. When I really think about that, it terrifies me. It seems too much like I'd be gay. I don't know.

December 4, 12
Doc and I talked a lot about my depression. I got laid off. The only ones targeted were guys like me with boobs. The rumor is they were trying to cut health care costs since we were more likely to get breast cancer. Doc wondered if maybe some of the 'old boys' weren't a little threatened by our bodies. Doc asked if I was going to sue. I already talked to a lawyer, and she thinks we have a great case. It should be filed within the next week or two. In the meantime, unemployment is hard. Mary got me a job in the store she works in. When I interviewed, the store management wanted me to work in men's clothing, selling bras to 'boob guys' like myself. Mary was upset. She wants me wearing woman's clothing all the time now, and she pushed until they put me in lingerie. Doc thought it would be great experience for me, and that it would help me get more in touch with my feminine side. Doc says it's good sign that I'm more comfy in women's clothes. Mary says the same thing a lot lately. I've noticed her clothing is a lot less feminine lately. Doc thinks it has to do with our gender identities - since I'm a lot more feminine, Mary's compensating by being less so.

March 4, 13
My unemployment ran out, so the budget is getting pretty tight. I got an offer to work at a club. It's a strip club. Doc was surprised, but asked if I was going to take it. It would be serving drinks in a very low-cut outfit. I'd look like a regular girl. I don't like the idea, but I don't have a lot of other choices. My waitress outfit has a very high skirt and very low neckline, so it makes me look like a slut. The club is kind of strange - it caters to both guys and ladies. Regular girls strip for men in one room, regular guys perform for ladies in another, and 'changed' guys dance for ladies and gay men in a third room. Apparently, a lot of the girls like guys with big tits and bulging G-strings. Mary thinks I should give it a try, but I don't want to.

March 30, 13
I decided to try dancing, because the car insurance came due. I made a lot more in tips than when I was just waitressing. With the sales job, I'm pretty busy now. And I'm still not making as much as I did at the shop. Something that didn't happen at the shop is that I get propositioned a lot, too. The women weren't bad - I could handle them. But the first time a gay guy wanted me to rub my crotch against him while he played with my tits, I freaked out. Doc thinks I'm overreacting. After all, most of the time I present myself in public as a woman. So why shouldn't guys try to hit on me? She reminded me that I was kind of excited when guys whistled at me. I tried to argue that I didn't, and anyway it was different, but I don't think she bought it. I had to admit that it was flattering - it meant that I was attractive. Maybe it's just my ego, but I guess I liked being hit on. Mary absolutely loves it. She can't keep her hands off me. The more feminine I appear, the more aggressive and sexual she is. Doc said it's normal for a woman to be aroused by a man who understands women's feelings. I think that's a load of crap. But we have a decent sex life, so I guess I won't complain.

May 12, 13
Mary is confusing me. She keeps asking about the cloned organs, and if I'm thinking about being a full woman. Doc said it's perfectly natural that Mary is wondering. She's probably just worried that I'm going to become a woman and leave her. What's confusing to me is that Doc keeps asking, too, and seems to be hinting that since I'm already presenting myself as a woman most of the time, it wouldn't be that big of a deal to finish the job. The only thing I can figure out is that Mary and Doc want me to be a woman so I'll be happy. Dancing is the only job I can find, apart from the low-paying sales job, and dancing is an emotional roller-coaster. I like the tips, and it's flattering that guys think I'm attractive - I think. But I'm still a man - at least where it counts. Aren't I? Or am I getting too feminine? Am I becoming a woman? Doc thinks my confusion is just a phase, but I'm not sure any more. Doc asked me why I don't just get a reduction and go back to living as a man. That shocked me - I haven't thought about doing that for a long time. Maybe she and Mary are right - maybe I really should be a complete woman. Doc asked how the lawsuit is coming. I'm frustrated there, too. It's going well, and my lawyer is sure the company will lose, but they're stalling big time. And I could sure use the money right now.

January 29, 14
Doc told me there's a law pending in Washington to give legal protection to guys with boobs - like me. That would be nice, but it's too late to save my job. The company finally caved, and we got a big settlement out of it. After the lawyer got paid, Mary and I had enough left to invest for retirement and get an extra twenty thousand a year. That should help, but it's not enough that I can afford to give up both my jobs. I told Doc that I was disappointed, but she told me she thought I really was happy I had to keep working. She said she thinks I'm afraid to admit that I like it when guys find me attractive. Do I? If I'm dressed as a woman, looking like a woman, and guys come on to me, does that make me gay? I suppose it would be easier to go back to being male if I hadn't had electrolysis and my ears pierced, but I gave in to Mary one weekend. She suggested that I should get my Adam's apple shaved and get a nose job, too. She said I'll look daintier and make more tips. Doc was nodding like she agreed. They've been pretty blunt about me becoming fully female. Both of them think I'd be a lot happier as a complete woman than as something in between. Maybe they're right. I've gone a long way already, and Doc thinks I'm happier, so maybe I should. But still, I wish I was sure that I wanted it.

May 4, 14
Mary dropped a bombshell the other night. She had a breast reduction, and she wants to start the procedure to get her female plumbing replaced with the male counterpart. She admitted that she's really turned on by how feminine I am, and that with the new nose, she knows she'll never be able to accept me as anything but a woman. She wants me to get the cloned uterus and vagina, just like Roberta did. I kind of freaked out, I guess. Doc asked how I felt. I got mad and said I'd been betrayed, and that she'd helped Mary do it. I told her I felt like I was on a ride, and I didn't have any control, and that I wanted to get off. Doc was pretty firm; she scolded me like a little kid. She reminded me that everything I'd done was of my own accord. She and Mary had been supportive of my decisions, not tricking me into them. And as far as Mary, Doc said that while she knew that Mary was leaning toward changing sex, she couldn't tell me because of doctor-patient confidentiality rules. Doc asked how I felt about Mary taking over all the male roles in our love life. She was just trying to help me explore my own feelings to see if Mary and I could find a solution that was mutually beneficial. Then Doc asked what I thought of Roberta. Roberta is happy as hell. She's happily married and has one kid. She said her new systems work better than her original equipment. Roberta asked when I was going for the upgrade. I got mad, and Roberta apologized. She figured, with the plastic surgery and clothing, that I was going to do what she did. I sat at home for a long time wondering what the hell happened to my life. I'm not a man any more, and I'm not a woman, either. What am I? Some kind of bizarre freak, that's what!

July 3, 14
My new organs are almost grown, and in another two weeks, I'll get my new plumbing installed. Mary is happy with her new penis. She's whacking off everywhere, and it's kind of disgusting. She wanted to try it on me, but I wouldn't let her. The only way she could do that would be my mouth or my rear, and I wasn't about to do either. Doc reminded me that I'd be a full woman in a little while, so I might as well start getting used to thinking like a woman and doing to Mary's dick what she used to do to mine. Doc asked what I thought of Mary having a dick. I was embarrassed to admit that I felt a little ... inadequate. Hers was a lot bigger than mine. Doc laughed - she said it was funny that I felt that way. She reminded me that Mary probably felt that way about my tits, too. In a way, it was kind of funny, but it still feels weird to see a dong between Mary's legs. And what she wants to do with it? I remember thinking that it would be pretty disgusting, but Doc said she could help if I wanted to. She suggested hypnosis. I told her I'm already so messed up that I might as well try. I remember her starting to try to hypnotize me, but I don't remember what she tried. The next thing I remembered is when Doc said the session was over. Mary seemed pretty happy when I gave her the surprise after work. She was surprised, and asked when I changed my mind about sucking her dick. I told her about Doc helping. She was really pleased, and said I could do it to her any time.

July 18, 14
Doc wanted to check on me once more before my surgery. I go in tomorrow, and within three weeks, I'll be ready for sex as a woman. Part of me is terrified, but part of me can't wait. Doc asked how the oral sex is going. I know I blushed; she said I look like a shy schoolgirl when I blush like that. Mary is insatiable — she wants three or four blowjobs a day. I even let her do my rear. It hurt like hell at first, but then it started feeling kind of nice. Doc said I'd like it more when I've got a real vagina. She asked if I need to get my prescription of anti-depressants refilled. I'm okay; sometimes, I wonder if she didn't slip something else on me. But I know she wouldn't. She and Mary have been so supportive of me through this whole ordeal. I'm pretty sure that I'm doing this for me, not Mary or Doc. I'm getting anxious for it to be over, for me to be a complete woman.

August 4, 14
Doc stopped by, since I'm still not getting out much. I don't think I'll have any scars, and the surgeons think the new drugs are helping me healing very quickly. They're thinking of taking me off restrictions tomorrow. Mary is planning a big celebration. She's anxious to try out her new equipment on my new parts. Doc asked how I felt about that. I admit that I'm kind of scared. It's different than anything I've ever done, and I'm not sure I'm ready to have sex as a woman. Doc smiled and said that every young lady goes through that feeling, and that I'll get over it. She said I'd probably find it was a lot better than when I was a man, and find myself wanting sex even more. Doc asked if I've gotten a prescription for birth control yet. She said my parts are going to be fully functional, and unless we want to have children, I need to learn about precautions. She gave me a referral to a gynecologist; I've got an appointment tomorrow. It feels kind of weird - there are a lot of adjustments to make. Things I used to take for granted, even little things like peeing, are different. Doc seems to think I'm adjusting quite well. She said she could arrange for me to go to a workshop for people who've had the change - to help me learn the rules of the road, so to speak.

December 12, 14
Doc asked if Mary and I are serious about having children. I guess, but part of me wants to enjoy Mary before we get kids. She says I'm insatiable. Doc said I was blushing again. Since it was just us girls, I could tell her. I guess I really do like sex as a woman. It's a lot easier for me now that I've had the implanted genitals; I'm making a lot more as a dancer. Doc was surprised that I'm still dancing. I guess I love the attention. I get hit on all the time, and I make a ton in tips. Mary doesn't mind as long as I get all my 'satisfaction' at home. Sometimes, I think she gets jealous of my looks. And my boobs. They're such attention-getters. I tried to remember what it was like before I had boobs, but it's hard. And it's getting hard to remember what it was like to appear as a man. Doc thinks I'm forgetting all that stuff because I'm a lot happier as a woman. I hadn't thought of it that way, but she may be right.

FIN