Collin, now Colleen, having revealed herself to her family, faces an uncertain future.
She knows what she wants, but, is she brave enough to accomplish it?

 

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Image Credit: Image frame from the Dutch Documentary film Zonder Spitzen.

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Chapter 7
 
The place seemed huge. I seemed so small.

Standing on the stage, I looked out and saw all of those empty seats, including those in the balcony.

"Pretty scary, isn't it?" Meg said as she put an arm around my shoulder.

"Uh, huh," I said.

Miss Jana told us at the last rehearsal that every seat would be filled for the school shows. And most seats would be filled during our public shows, with the Saturday evening and Sunday matinée shows being sellouts.

"More than 12,000 people will see you dance this week," she told us.

I tried not to think about the crowd when I sat down to do my stretching before our first "marking" rehearsal.

"How are you feeling today?" Meg said. "Mom said you've started your hormone treatments last week."

I told her I felt fine. The therapist told me I'd probably experience mood swings. But I was really more nervous about how I was going to do on stage during the shows. We had seven to do in four days at the end of the week.

"I think you'll do fine," Meg reassured me. "I was super nervous my first Nutcracker. But you'll have much fun, the butterflies will disappear quickly. You won't notice you've had them."

"I hope so," I said right before we started our run through of the Second Act.

We didn't dance our parts during our marking rehearsal, it was more of a walk-through, dance-through. We had to make sure our spacing was right. We needed to get a feel of how far we needed to be either up-stage, or down-stage.

"I don't anyone to go dancing off into the orchestra pit," Madame Kathryn said to much laughter.

Miss Olga assured us it did happen once to a friend of hers when she was dancing in Russia.

The tech crew also experimented with the lighting and the changing of the sets between scenes.

Everything had to be perfect for the opening show.

After our marking, Madame Kathryn gave us a pep talk before we gathered our things and when off to search for dressing rooms.

Theater week was its own little world.

And that world was a little cramped back stage. The girls had the larger dressing rooms. I wished I could be in there with Meg, Lucy, Hannah and Piper.

"Oh no, you're not going in there," My Aunt Amy said as I was about to walk into the dressing room labeled "Boys."

"Madame Kathryn put you into the dressing room with the guest artists because you've got so many costume changes."

Meg kidded me about "being one of the stars" because of my dressing room assignment.

I told her of my preference, which was to be in the room with her. I really wouldn't have minded being in there with the boys, either.

"How's it going?" said Marco, who was 15 and was playing the Nutcracker prince.

"OK, I guess," I said as I put my bag away and set my make-up kit on the counter. We were the youngest in a dressing room with two guys alternating between Sugar Plum cavalier, Snow cavalier and soldier doll.

My costumes were hanging up, waiting for me. I have to admit, I was a little uncomfortable dressing in front of my dressing room mates.

"I never thought of that," Meg said when I told her.

Since I started hormones, Mom allowed me to dress exclusively as a girl at home.

"Wow, yeah, I understand how you feel," she said. "I guess I'd feel the same way if I had to change in front of boys.

Especially Marco, I mean he is really cute."
 

 
Talk about jitters. It was that way ever since I woke up. It was opening morning.

"You've hardly said a word," Mom said as we pulled into the theater parking lot. "You'll do great. You're going to make me proud."

I have to admit company warm-ups helped calm my nerves. We pulled out portable barres onto the stage.

It was like a regular class, except not as strenuous, a lot more relaxed and fun. Ms. Jana led it. She played Christmas music, most of it modern. She liked playing Michael Buble and Harry Connick Jr. songs, but mixed in were songs from "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and "The Grinch," which we sang during grande battments.

"Still nervous?" Meg asked when warm-ups were over.

"Yeah, especially since I slipped on my butt during Chinese last night," I said about dress rehearsal, which went well other than my slipping on my butt.

"You know what they say? Bad dress-good show," Meg said. "And you did great other than fall. And we all messed up last night getting used to orchestra music."

She was right. Rehearse as much as you can with a CD and you still can't simulate orchestra music's timing.

I slipped on my tights, leotard and Harlequin costume as the orchestra started to play the overture. My heart really began to pound.

I walked back out to the wings waiting to get into the box for my entrance and saw all of the adult volunteers who were playing parents and all of the party kids dressed in their "1800s" best. It was pretty magical watching them take the stage and dance around.

And watching Jack ham it up as Fritz picking on Meredith, the girl playing Clara.

"I think this part came easy for him," said Meg as she walked up beside me already dressed in her Snow costume.

"He's pretty much been doing that to me all of his life."

"He's really good at it," I giggled.

"He enjoys it way too much," Meg said.

"Collin, it's time to get into the box," said one of the mothers who was part of the tech crew. It was a giant Christmas box with wheels on it. One of the party dads rolled it on stage.

The actor from the community theater playing Drosselmeyer opened the box to start the dolls dance. I looked at Lucy.

She winked and whispered "we've got this." The man playing Drosselmeyer pretended to wind me up, while the maid wound up Lucy.

We started on cue with the orchestra. We started are dance, which included for me a few pique turns. I blew her kisses, then tried for my pirouettes. I don't know what got into me. Instead of a double, I tried for three and nailed it.

The dance concluded with Lucy spinning onto my knee.

The applause for us was loud.

A couple of the party dads carted us off like a pair of dolls we pretended to be. Once we were in the wings, there was a mad dash to about four mothers, including mine. Lucy and I, and a few of the girls playing "party girls," rushed over and stripped down to our leotards and tights. We then hopped into our soldier costumes.

I asked Mom if my hat was on right.

"Of course, dear," she said. "You look wonderful."

I felt an adrenaline rush as the orchestra began to play the music for our march. We marched back on stage, danced with our rifles, turning and doing pas de bourees (steps we do in almost every combination we do). The we began our battle.

Hannah, one of my fellow soldiers, had one of the funniest parts of the party scene. She got to "fire" her gun after one of the girls playing a mouse wiggled her butt at her. The mouse fell wounded to the floor much to the laughter of the audience.

Finally, Marco the Nutcracker Prince, appeared on the stage and began his sword fight with the mouse king, who was played by a boy in the local theater group, who was pretty funny, especialy when he died. He moved his legs like a rat dying on the floor. The other mice were comical as the drug him off stage.

We slowly marched off stage. As soon as I got in the wing, Meg grabbed me before we took the stage.

She kissed me on the cheek.

"Oh my God, I'm so proud of you!" she whispered. "You were so great, cuz!"

It was her turn to shine. I stood in the wings and watched, she was so beautiful dancing out there en pointe. Her bourees were so graceful and elegant. I wanted to be so much like her when I got to be her age.

She was exhausted when she came off stage. Snow and Waltz of the flowers are two of the three longest dances in our version of the Nutcracker.

Miss Jana gave me a hug as I started to head toward my dressing room.

"Look at you knocking down a triple during your first ever dance on stage," she said. "You are doing unbelievable job."
 

 
"Does it bother you doing a girl's part?" Marco asked while I put the finishing touches on my makeup.

"Oh no," I said as I finished putting on my deep red lipstick. "It's fun, really. I love to dance. And dancing Chinese gives me a chance to dance in the Second Act."

I checked my bun. I then put the flower in my hair and grabbed my parasol. It was almost showtime again.

I accidentally bumped into Madame Kathryn in the hallway.

"Sorry Madame Kathryn," I said.

"That's OK Collin, good job out there on the stage," she said. "Can you go to your cousin's dressing room and knock on the door. They need to be getting through. The curtain's about to rise for the Second Act."

I rushed over to Meg's dressing room and knocked on the door.

"We're all dressed, come on in," a voice said after I knocked on the door.

"Madame Kathryn said you guys need to hurry, the Second Act is about to start," I said to Meg as she finished putting on her makeup.

"We're almost done!" Meg said. "Oh my God Collin, you look so cute!"

I modeled my silk coat that came down almost to my knees, and my white tights.

"And you did your makeup all by yourself?" she asked, noticing my base, red lips, red cheeks and eye liner.

I shook my head yes.

"You look beautiful," I said to Meg, who was all decked out in her pink dress and pink tight tights, along with her makeup.
 

 
"She's beautiful, don't you think?" Meg asked Lucy and I as Piper danced the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy to start the act right after our little angel girls did their little circle around the stage.

"Yeah, she is," I said, pointing out Piper's footwork. "Can't wait to see you dancing it in a couple of years."

"I don't know about that," Meg said, selling herself short.

Miss Jana told me once she could see Meg in the role in a couple of years.

My heart began to pound again when we took the stage for the opening of the divertisments (the dances in the Land of the Sweets). For those who don't know, that's when Clara and the Nutcracker Prince tell the Sugar Plum Fairy about the battle and death of the Mouse King, where the curse is lifted on the Nutcracker and he becomes a prince.

We're then dismissed to get ready for our individual dances.

Some of the girls in Ballet III led off with the Spanish dance. They danced along with a guest artist who also danced the role of the Snow cavalier. They were amazing. There dance had a little Mexican hat dance style and the audience loved it.

A few more of my classmates danced in the Arabian corps while one of our senior company members, Kacey Henry, danced the lead role. It's more of an exotic dance. She was breath taking, from what I could see. Their dance was right before ours.

"Good luck," one of my classmates said as we took the stage for Chinese. It's a short dance, only about a minute long.

But maybe the saying is true about bad dress becoming a great show. Not only did I not land on my butt, I danced probably the best I had since rehearsals began. I again did a triple pirouette.

"Show off!" Hannah whispered during our bow. I knew she was just kidding. She blew me a kiss as we were hamming it up walking off the stage. We evidently did well. The applause was loud.

We watched in the wings during the athletic Russian dance, and the funny Shepherdess and Mother Ginger dances.

They're always a crowd pleaser because of the little girls playing the lambs and the little girls coming out from other Mother Ginger's skirt. Mother Ginger, by the way, is played by one of the dad's who is actually about 6-feet-4.

Then it came time for Flowers. Meg again was beautiful. She nailed her fouettes and tour jetes. It was a fun, graceful dance. I gave her a hug as she came off stage. She was breathing hard because her dance, thanks to the orchestra, was nearly nine minutes long.

She reached her arm around my shoulder as we watched the Sugar Plum pas de deux. It was very romantic. The cavalier did an amazing job lifting Piper up during the lifts. And she was her usual flawless self.

Then it was our turn to get back out on stage for the Finale Dance. It was fun. Those of us in the Chinese dance were a little comical. Everyone did great.

During final bows, we got a standing ovation. I did not want the feeling to end.
 

 
I couldn't believe the performances were over. I put my costumes on the rack. I packed my dance clothes into my bag and gathered gifts (it's a Nutcracker tradition to exchange gifts with the people you were in dances with). I waited on Meg to emerge from her dressing room before walking out to the lobby to be with our family.

"I think I'm having Nutcracker withdrawals already," Meg said as we walked past the stage one final time and watched the tech crew disassemble the sets.

It was kind of sad. We hugged our friends and told them we couldn't wait to see them after the Christmas break.

And then we walked out to the lobby. Our moms and their boyfriends were waiting. So was Jack. And much to our surprise, so were Grams, Lindsey, Mauve and Maya.

Mauve gave me a bouquet of flowers. Lindsey did the same for Meg.

"Thank you, mi amiga," I said as I hugged Mauve.

"You did great girlfriend," Mauve whispered. "Just letting you know I got ya a gift for Christmas when you come to your grandmas. But you can't wear it until you come up for the summer because you'll catch cold."

I looked at Lindsay. She laughed.

"You know Mauve," Lindsey said. "She's already got plans for when you and Meg are with us this summer."
 

 
"Five more minutes ladies," our artistic director said as he knocked on our dressing room door.

"Hold on," Meg said as she put the final touches of makeup on.

I adjusted my tutu and asked her what she thought.

"You look beautiful," she said. "All of the guys in the audience are going to go week in the knees when they see you."

"Oh, sure, I said."

We are preparing to take the stage for George Balanchine's "Jewels."

Meg is a principal. I'm a demi soloist.

Did I mention we're dancing tonight at Lincoln Center?

We have an interview with Dance Magazine right after the performance.

Then we're supposed to meet Jack and Mauve for dinner in Georgetown.

Did I mention he's proposing to her tonight?

But that's another story.
 
 
Related Video Scenes:
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Dolls dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9PGLF55wHU

Battle scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJBrYKbmZ1I

Dance of the Snowflakes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lfWgX2HgHQ

Chinese dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlMiFpmMXdQ

Waltz of the Flowers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDwgK9JKUiw

Finale Waltz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAa_kb7FZ8w

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