Jane wants to be free she wants to live her life. Will those around her help or hinder?
I’m writing in this diary to leave something of myself behind when they find my body. Yes, I know it’s a morbid thing to say, but hey it’s the truth. You see as I figure it nobody in this city likes me or even wants to tolerate me. You see I am transgendered, according to the church goers I am an abomination that needs to be exorcised because they think I am gay. The local meat heads A.K.A Jocks, well they just want to beat me senseless. The nerdlingers, what can I say they leave me alone and pretend I don’t exist. The other girls most treat me like I was something gross and beneath them and school hasn’t even begun for the year.
“Mom can’t you just home school me or something?” I asked my mom with a pleading voice. I knew it was useless but I had to at least try before I was committed to the charge of the light brigade.
“No, Jane we discussed this with your therapist.” She replied “You need to interact with your peers. You need social skills to get through life you can’t hide in this house forever.” I looked at her with the biggest puppy eyed look I could muster. She just shook her head at me and put her hands on her hips as she gave me a concerned look. “Look honey, you made it through the summer just fine. I’m not going to lie to you Jane, schools not going to be a cake walk. You’re going to have some rough times, but we will get through this together.”
“I know mom, I know” I said as I put my head down on the dining room table with my chin resting in my hands.
Well, it’s getting to closer to school. I don’t know what I am going to do. I am definitely not looking forward seeing all the kids I used to go to school with, but mom refuses to move us to another school district. I don’t know, maybe it’s because mom really believes I need to face my fears. She thinks that by doing so I will be a stronger and better person. I talked to my therapist about it and he said pretty much the same thing. I swear they are conspiring to make this harder on me then it already is in order to make me this better person they keep talking about. I know who I am all I want is for people to accept me and get on with their and my lives. I’m not hurting anybody or anything; I’m just trying to be me.
Mom did tell me that every thing has been cleared with the school system. They are gonna let me use the girls bathroom as long as I am on my medications and they get a copy of the blood test results every month.
“Sam, hey Samantha wait up.” I called out “I need to talk to you.” Samantha slowed down so I could catch up as she gave a quick look over her shoulder at me. The butterflies in my stomach felt like they were doing the two step all over the place. I am not sure if I can do this I thought to myself.
“Samantha, can we talk for a minute?” I asked in a whisper. “We need to talk about school.” She stopped and turned to face me, a questioning look was on her face. I knew it was now or never, I just had to tell her. Sam, otherwise know as Samantha had been through just about everything with me. She’s a bit of a tom boy, so didn’t really mind hanging out with me. We played barbies to just about any sport we felt like. We always spent our summers together, but not this summer. I think she felt a bit put out about it. I had to explain it to her before I lost her forever. This was gonna be tough, especially since I was in boy mode.
“Sam, I want you to know somethings.” I said “First off, I need to tell you why I haven’t seen you this summer.” She looked at her left eyebrow raised in question. I had a sudden idea, I would ask her to come to my house. “Sam, the best way I can explain everything is at my house. Could you please come over to my house?”
“Yea sure, what ever you got to say better be damned good. You’ve left me alone all summer and I think you owe me a super good explanation or I’m dropping your ass faster then hot potatoes.” She kind of smirked at the last part.
I stopped Sam at my door. “Before we go in promise me you and I will always be friends. Oh hell, I think of you as a sister I never had. Promise me you won’t freak out and run away. Okay?”
Samantha gave me an odd look as if I’d grown a third arm or a second head. I took a deep breath and opened my door. I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped for the best. It felt like an eternity as I waited, then I heard a sharp intake of breathe. My stomach twisted up in knots.
“Wait a minute; this can’t be your room. I know you’re a bit girly, but this can’t be your room.” Sam said in a voice that squeaked with wonder and anger. “What did your mom adopt a girl so you could have a sister?” I almost fell to the floor as my knees tried to buckle on me. I felt like my world was collapsing in on itself.
“No, Samantha.” I said my voice quaking. “It’s my room, the reason I was avoiding you was because I discovered I am transgendered.” My words hung in the air as I waited for her to say something, apparently the butterflies had decided on building a condo and minimall inside my stomach. Sam turned and looked at me like she was trying to piece it all together.
“Okay, let me get this straight.” Samantha said slowly. “You’re a girl inside?” Looking at me like she was putting together a thousand piece puzzle that needed a little more time. I opened my eyes and nodded yes to her question. She went over to my bed and sat down. Looking at me she patted the bed indicating she wanted me to sit. “I think we have some things to talk about. Yes?” Again I nodded.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudo!
Click the Good Story! button above to leave the author a kudo:
And please, remember to comment, too! Thanks.